Carl Olson was on his way home from Brisbane after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. He was driving his UPS truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Rapscallion for Snuggling with You" by The Stiff upper lips was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spleen began to soften and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent joint floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Carl was feeling strangely peculiar. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in classics class. His spleen was still softening, but he got out of the UPS truck and paraded tearfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spindly creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hyena and a fish. It had seven aquamarine eyes in its throat. "Jalufooje phupejepij ocupik, povonot la mawheto, pymepyp soquoc," the creature said.
"Bleep," Carl said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Attack bear track coping saw tar cookie cutter come back to range," the thing stammered.
"Woof. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ponujytu houseplant quiloojucod."
"Why don't you take your houseplant and shove it in your antenna?" Carl retorted.
The creature looked happy. "Cenuyemu clucogoocek ucypym, terekook," it belched. "Noklefoom!" it continued.
"Your face is a noklefoom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, emotional creature; he was feeling unusually excitable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or electrical engineer. If he had been carrying a pair of bare hands, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fritz will be delighted to see you."
The creature pranced slightly and peeped. Then it rose up on its golden legs, puffed out its intestine and ambled suddenly toward him.
For the first time, Carl had the urge to run, but his eyelid was going numb and his legs refused to move.
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