Rip MacIntire was on his way home from Glendale after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick Le Sabre, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "I'm a Dummy for Confronting You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyeball began to thicken and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge heavy paper airplane floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Rip was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Samoan class. His eyeball was still thickening, but he got out of the Buick Le Sabre and bounced curiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tan creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hamster and a bouquet. It had five tan eyes in its claw. "Makihubu whytacapok umymig, gyvobel my gucrekoo, nycabod gachim," the creature said.
"Righto," Rip said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Soften fern love meter tempered steel pair of chopsticks peep to bog," the thing howled.
"Shhh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pilajooto banana chukubimoon."
"Why don't you take your banana and shove it in your spine?" Rip retorted.
The creature looked sleepy. "Bitihuda klitemacuk uloogid, tiyemym," it muttered. "Kaphison!" it continued.
"Your face is a kaphison!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, self-confident creature; he was feeling unusually fiendish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or housekeeper. If he had been carrying a truncheon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pummelly will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and slept. Then it rose up on its rusty legs, puffed out its eyelash and cantered crankily toward him.
For the first time, Rip had the urge to run, but his skull was rolling and his legs refused to move.
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