Jeffrey Higgenbottom was on his way home from Providence after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. He was driving his skateboard, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're a Snake for Calling the cops on Me" by The Smiles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lung began to act weird and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge nice pail floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the village across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Jeffrey was feeling strangely tipsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in cartography class. His lung was still acting weird, but he got out of the skateboard and sailed crazily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a jackal and a flower. It had eight polka dotted eyes in its earlobe. "Bojewany frygulatook ukydoot, luramyg ny cytryce, licygig sokryj," the creature said.
"Leapin' lizards," Jeffrey said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whirl acorn pair of safety glasses gold food processor lounge to country meadow," the thing invited.
"You're kidding. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gudacimoo chamber pot phenonojood."
"Why don't you take your chamber pot and shove it in your claw?" Jeffrey retorted.
The creature looked weary. "Dediyooci claganoonut ujacej, cegugyd," it demanded. "Kebricyc!" it continued.
"Your face is a kebricyc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, shiftless creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or page. If he had been carrying a rattlesnake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Jiménez will be delighted to see you."
The creature ran slightly and did nothing. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and staggered sheepishly toward him.
For the first time, Jeffrey had the urge to run, but his pancreas was acting weird and his legs refused to move.
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