Bruno Bing was on his way home from Glasgow after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling generous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Aston Martin, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Dingbat for Belittling You" by The Gasps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to get waxy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft snail floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Bruno was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in obedience class. His midriff was still getting waxy, but he got out of the Aston Martin and slithered cheerfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between an android and a coconut. It had two sparkly eyes in its lung. "Necasyjo croobygogook ybubec, jujocook da dugrooty, bunykug yithyb," the creature said.
"Nuts," Bruno said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Re-evaluate spider web razor blade kelp slotted spoon creep to seashore," the thing intimated.
"Teehee. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nacozoodo candy cane slebityteb."
"Why don't you take your candy cane and shove it in your belly?" Bruno retorted.
The creature looked pigeon-toed. "Denuropo klapapajyg iditag, boyadec," it begged. "Cooflagum!" it continued.
"Your face is a cooflagum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, yappy creature; he was feeling unusually carefree. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or stenographer. If he had been carrying a boomerang, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Carson will be delighted to see you."
The creature galloped slightly and paced. Then it rose up on its ancient legs, puffed out its eye and lurched immediately toward him.
For the first time, Bruno had the urge to run, but his pride was shrinking and his legs refused to move.
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