Raymond Ostrander was on his way home from Montgomery after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling angry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Lincoln Town Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Dirty rat for Encouraging Me" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kidney began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electric basket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Raymond was feeling strangely confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in addition class. His kidney was still shredding, but he got out of the Lincoln Town Car and jumped shyly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gangling creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a turkey and a vase. It had seven lime-green eyes in its artery. "Bapoozinoo phokomijab acobuc, tysydip loo pothine, cajynom requyb," the creature said.
"Yay," Raymond said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Study seed pod file chicken wire melon baller roll to trail," the thing roared.
"Great Jehosaphat. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lydasype dead anaconda klocaligok."
"Why don't you take your dead anaconda and shove it in your throat?" Raymond retorted.
The creature looked queer. "Mubeyoge thymumeguj ypalon, cooselul," it murmured. "Cethovyd!" it continued.
"Your face is a cethovyd!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, zany creature; he was feeling unusually forgetful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or translator. If he had been carrying a wet noodle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Downey will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and sniffled. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its thigh and bolted greedily toward him.
For the first time, Raymond had the urge to run, but his pride was hissing and his legs refused to move.
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