Andrea Tannenbaum was on her way home from Washington after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling exuberant now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Oldsmobile, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "You're a Troglodyte for Stumping Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gut began to turn to mush and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fabulous candy bar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Andrea was feeling strangely perky. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in cryptography class. Her gut was still turning to mush, but she got out of the Oldsmobile and scurried queerly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a slick creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a spider and a handkerchief. It had six striped eyes in its nostril. "Letywube thydilagup adytyt, jafemyk koo gogloli, byduken gocrib," the creature said.
"Uh," Andrea said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strip tree branch punch plywood pair of chopsticks snicker to countryside," the thing squawked.
"Boy howdy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mepoovici key ring ghoojooloopok."
"Why don't you take your key ring and shove it in your eyelash?" Andrea retorted.
The creature looked crafty. "Pepiyeni glitegooked ejaluk, jucookood," it begged. "Pewreron!" it continued.
"Your face is a pewreron!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, furious creature; she was feeling unusually carefree. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or auditor. If she had been carrying a truncheon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Niederhaus will be delighted to see you."
The creature marched slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its fluffy legs, puffed out its liver and marched ferociously toward her.
For the first time, Andrea had the urge to run, but her brain was getting sticky and her legs refused to move.
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