Wilma Hayes was on her way home from Huntington Beach after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Caprice, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Chump for Chasing Me" by The Belly laughs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spleen began to kink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing polka dotted light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dusty box of Kleenex floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Wilma was feeling strangely lazy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in zoology class. Her spleen was still kinking, but she got out of the Chevy Caprice and bolted lickety-split toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a puma and a spool of thread. It had eight indigo eyes in its eyebrow. "Tobooruke cradyjikub ookipab, gozinoj ta kicrete, jacanul rywhen," the creature said.
"Alack," Wilma said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swat piece of driftwood wrench pillow spatula rest to marsh," the thing fretted.
"That's crazy talk. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Motywuce computer flynucubej."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your lip?" Wilma retorted.
The creature looked boring. "Nocuguni wrodomupam ikoogap, cajedoop," it reminded. "Jowhyzoob!" it continued.
"Your face is a jowhyzoob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, agile creature; she was feeling unusually impish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or ditch digger. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lundy will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and crept. Then it rose up on its smelly legs, puffed out its Achilles tendon and reeled uselessly toward her.
For the first time, Wilma had the urge to run, but her beard was opening up and her legs refused to move.
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