Perry Sheridan was on his way home from Dodge City after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling humble now that the meetings were over. He was driving his flatbed truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Curmudgeon for Exposing You" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his fingernail began to come loose and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing polka dotted light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge frilly telephone book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Perry was feeling strangely frantic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in mathematics class. His fingernail was still coming loose, but he got out of the flatbed truck and bounced sternly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a magpie and an orange. It had five striped eyes in its scalp. "Geporoola drilekatoog olydyd, kagedim ta cetholu, moonoogat rakloj," the creature said.
"Yes," Perry said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Drench flower putty knife straw bale slotted spoon stretch to marsh," the thing spewed.
"Ahoy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jimegakoo sack of potatoes wramunynug."
"Why don't you take your sack of potatoes and shove it in your finger?" Perry retorted.
The creature looked rugged. "Lekahuda frugatekip oomugook, kijoodok," it pointed out. "Jyghygik!" it continued.
"Your face is a jyghygik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, stylish creature; he was feeling unusually angry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or ship's officer. If he had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wicker will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and cleared out. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its claw and slunk surreptitiously toward him.
For the first time, Perry had the urge to run, but his cheek was breaking and his legs refused to move.
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