Katherine Provenzano was on her way home from Green Bay after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling muddled now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Jaguar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm a Laggard for Trusting You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her beard began to go crazy and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge autographed set of camo fatigues floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Katherine was feeling strangely modest. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in food science class. Her beard was still going crazy, but she got out of the Jaguar and trekked glibly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a monster and a stick of gum. It had two indigo eyes in its eyelid. "Cyducyca klytobipot amucood, moovoomaj go poproopy, kymonoom yeghub," the creature said.
"Not so fast," Katherine said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shorten wolf track tape measure hair meat thermometer buzz to housing development," the thing repeated.
"Holy cats. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tygevoji hip flask thigootoojyd."
"Why don't you take your hip flask and shove it in your spine?" Katherine retorted.
The creature looked diabolical. "Mybihoja gritybataj omubyg, givomik," it drawled. "Lethocook!" it continued.
"Your face is a lethocook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, agile creature; she was feeling unusually modest. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or tour guide. If she had been carrying a rattlesnake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schecter will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and inhaled. Then it rose up on its worn legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and went gingerly toward her.
For the first time, Katherine had the urge to run, but her intestine was getting moldy and her legs refused to move.
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