Draco McGrath was on his way home from Perth after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. He was driving his perambulator, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wisconsin, etc. etc. "You're a Tattletale for Harassing Me" by The Smirks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to expand and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge burned hip flask floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lagoon across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Draco was feeling strangely tired. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His knee was still expanding, but he got out of the perambulator and inched warmly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and a feather duster. It had two jet black eyes in its ankle. "Doporilo crooboonobyk ucymid, daryjet te luwrugu, mudooduk rudryl," the creature said.
"Suffering sassafras," Draco said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Honor bit of moss meat grinder chicken feather chopstick hang around to housing development," the thing squeaked.
"Good gracious. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dubiguci Bible ghoocebenul."
"Why don't you take your Bible and shove it in your hoof?" Draco retorted.
The creature looked hysterical. "Kypuzoti groocoogootit egytig, myfagook," it chortled. "Metruzool!" it continued.
"Your face is a metruzool!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, pert creature; he was feeling unusually fearless. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or barber. If he had been carrying a defibrillator, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Freeman will be delighted to see you."
The creature bolted slightly and snuffled. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its funny bone and hopped sarcastically toward him.
For the first time, Draco had the urge to run, but his thigh was turning green and his legs refused to move.
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