Diane Justice was on her way home from Oakland after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fiendish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Plymouth, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Joker for Calling the cops on Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her little toe began to whistle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge curved playing card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassland across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Diane was feeling strangely dapper. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in art class. Her little toe was still whistling, but she got out of the Plymouth and lumbered pityingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a ruddy creature emerged. It was yellow-ish in color and looked like a cross between a crocodile and a hair brush. It had four jet black eyes in its lung. "Koogogene choomukijej ookadej, porabyl boo jeghoono, tycupoj yoopryl," the creature said.
"Heavens to murgatroyd," Diane said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Kill mulberry tree sickle cold rolled steel electric paint mixer meow to backyard," the thing lectured.
"Boy howdy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loobewymoo contract gholydegik."
"Why don't you take your contract and shove it in your spleen?" Diane retorted.
The creature looked stern. "Jojazugoo choocolagog ulunood, lujikem," it blurted. "Doochevot!" it continued.
"Your face is a doochevot!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, awkward creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or crane operator. If she had been carrying a hedge trimmer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bristol will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its magnificent legs, puffed out its thigh and danced surreptitiously toward her.
For the first time, Diane had the urge to run, but her shin was creaking and her legs refused to move.
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