Helga Weiss was on her way home from Albuquerque after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Fairlane, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Lamebrain for Subduing You" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her claw began to aggravate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge broken brochure floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Helga was feeling strangely resolute. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in interior design class. Her claw was still aggravating, but she got out of the Ford Fairlane and sashayed gently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a well-built creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a stuffed kitten. It had six beige eyes in its shin. "Cejihooby phicogepob ykytoc, tovebid joo gecrabe, nudatyn webrud," the creature said.
"Harrumph," Helga said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smash dead fish circular saw glass bead fork hiccup to marsh," the thing explained.
"Hallelujah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nebuwoolu skull quynibunen."
"Why don't you take your skull and shove it in your hip?" Helga retorted.
The creature looked repulsive. "Lootocaji broonogotyb ocodop, jywyceg," it trumpeted. "Nywhoozuk!" it continued.
"Your face is a nywhoozuk!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dreadful creature; she was feeling unusually humble. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or FBI Agent. If she had been carrying a tennis racket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Teeters will be delighted to see you."
The creature skipped slightly and stood by. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its femur and lurched nonchalantly toward her.
For the first time, Helga had the urge to run, but her knee was getting hot and her legs refused to move.
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