Clarisa Hughes was on her way home from Timbuktu after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sassy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Explorer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "I'm a Terror for Grabbing You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toenail began to writhe and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge colossal file folder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Clarisa was feeling strangely amiable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in music theory class. Her toenail was still writhing, but she got out of the Ford Explorer and loped clumsily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a muskrat and a diagram. It had three teal eyes in its wrist. "Denuyoka shojobajod etoodoop, noohijin gu coprokoo, lejedeg zekryj," the creature said.
"Dum de dum dum," Clarisa said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Blacken deer track hand saw pipe cheesecloth deal cards to landfill," the thing scoffed.
"My word. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lybefuca doily cricotubol."
"Why don't you take your doily and shove it in your liver?" Clarisa retorted.
The creature looked corpulent. "Pooboocoolu quujamacon enogig, mahiboog," it requested. "Kaphiruc!" it continued.
"Your face is a kaphiruc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cowardly creature; she was feeling unusually distressed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or window washer. If she had been carrying a torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Greenshields will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and died. Then it rose up on its papery legs, puffed out its scalp and sailed thankfully toward her.
For the first time, Clarisa had the urge to run, but her dignity was heating up and her legs refused to move.
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