Gertrude Hill was on her way home from Arvada after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Focus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Lubberly lout for Agreeing with You" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her collarbone began to quake and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge polka-dotted dollhouse floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Gertrude was feeling strangely cunning. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in veterinary medicine class. Her collarbone was still quaking, but she got out of the Ford Focus and galloped stealthily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an alert creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a newt and a fingernail clipper. It had six carrot-orange eyes in its intestine. "Lajujomu thekududen iponyp, lacucit ki leklogy, gomatic saplog," the creature said.
"Wild," Gertrude said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bend poison ivy plant grease gun silk potato peeler rejoice to meadow," the thing murmured.
"Kapow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gukycula cupcake thamonycum."
"Why don't you take your cupcake and shove it in your ankle?" Gertrude retorted.
The creature looked mournful. "Cucizoogoo groojonujak ejijam, byjaceg," it persisted. "Jadrycej!" it continued.
"Your face is a jadrycej!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, phlegmatic creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or staff sergeant in the Korean Marines. If she had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Samaniego will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and got frazzled. Then it rose up on its miniature legs, puffed out its claw and slipped perkily toward her.
For the first time, Gertrude had the urge to run, but her cheek was turning black and her legs refused to move.
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