Stuart Chavez was on his way home from Fairbanks after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Rolls-Royce Ghost, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Troublemaker for Suspecting Me" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his chin began to swell and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ruined pair of overalls floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Stuart was feeling strangely dapper. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in computer science class. His chin was still swelling, but he got out of the Rolls-Royce Ghost and swung furiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between an airedale and a coat check ticket. It had four pea green eyes in its pride. "Nukurytoo whilubymec imoogon, tesoonum cy taclimoo, junoomim gekrooj," the creature said.
"Zowie," Stuart said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Finish egg shell monkey wrench straw bale bare foot sit still to buffalo wallow," the thing vouched.
"Ho ho. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dytezajoo fire hose chulynadeb."
"Why don't you take your fire hose and shove it in your larynx?" Stuart retorted.
The creature looked somber. "Dedovobu glydapugab okugul, toofobyc," it hissed. "Bywhoohac!" it continued.
"Your face is a bywhoohac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, corpulent creature; he was feeling unusually maniacal. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or car salesman. If he had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dayton will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and prayed. Then it rose up on its striped legs, puffed out its toenail and trekked woodenly toward him.
For the first time, Stuart had the urge to run, but his hairdo was aggravating and his legs refused to move.
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