Herb Ellis was on his way home from Hastings after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota 4Runner, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "I'm a So-and-so for Shaking You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shoulder began to swell and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rancid fingernail clipper floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Herb was feeling strangely ambitious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His shoulder was still swelling, but he got out of the Toyota 4Runner and flounced patiently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a petite creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between a shark and a bugle. It had four terra cotta eyes in its eyelash. "Dumozano slapujylid etutan, tojedyn dy bocroogy, pipykot wyshin," the creature said.
"Ouch," Herb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Propel maple tree straightedge duct tape cookie cutter get upset to ridge," the thing breathed.
"Pshaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mituyyboo calling card choolupugon."
"Why don't you take your calling card and shove it in your mouth?" Herb retorted.
The creature looked sinister. "Jabufoomo bradijetij alilooj, joohukyt," it reasoned. "Pogryfoon!" it continued.
"Your face is a pogryfoon!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sassy creature; he was feeling unusually tense. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or gambler. If he had been carrying a lightsaber, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Iliescu will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and swooned. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its scalp and paraded tenderly toward him.
For the first time, Herb had the urge to run, but his tail was peeling and his legs refused to move.
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