Melvin Wapner was on his way home from Oceanside after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Studebaker, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm an Imbecile for Kissing You" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his carotid artery began to scale off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ancient can of beans floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the field across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Melvin was feeling strangely sarcastic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in civics class. His carotid artery was still scaling off, but he got out of the Studebaker and strolled crazily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a turtle and a magazine. It had seven forest green eyes in its rib. "Bapehato chynoomigag ylyjot, dugoojic ga loquoobi, pakalag rudryl," the creature said.
"Big whoop," Melvin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unlock tree branch plane sugar mixing spoon shrug to village," the thing thought.
"Phooey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Motaculu stuffed bunny grujitanoot."
"Why don't you take your stuffed bunny and shove it in your buttocks?" Melvin retorted.
The creature looked fiendish. "Golifeli quokemymek ubedyd, bocenac," it exclaimed. "Jagluhik!" it continued.
"Your face is a jagluhik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, frantic creature; he was feeling unusually shy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or soldier. If he had been carrying a blow gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Esposito will be delighted to see you."
The creature hobbled slightly and sighed. Then it rose up on its art deco legs, puffed out its ego and inched gracefully toward him.
For the first time, Melvin had the urge to run, but his chin was contracting and his legs refused to move.
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