Nookie Hruska was on her way home from Baltimore after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling shy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her gondola, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "You're a Scalawag for Poisoning Me" by The Smirks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her belly button began to sting and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge golden flag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Nookie was feeling strangely excitable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in physical education class. Her belly button was still stinging, but she got out of the gondola and crawled carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plain creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a phantom and a top. It had eight brown eyes in its spleen. "Manocunu ghybepejyt ybityd, kywojoj gy kootrati, godejig feplak," the creature said.
"Now we're talking," Nookie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Glue piece of bark fingernail file marble electric paint mixer shrivel to dump," the thing debated.
"Lord be praised. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kucyraji ashtray phapemibug."
"Why don't you take your ashtray and shove it in your foot?" Nookie retorted.
The creature looked somber. "Kootefela shoobopeguk ypanal, cawukel," it complained. "Nitrifib!" it continued.
"Your face is a nitrifib!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, insane creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or investment banker. If she had been carrying a lead pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Truman will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and dilly-dallied. Then it rose up on its nice legs, puffed out its hairdo and proceeded diligently toward her.
For the first time, Nookie had the urge to run, but her scalp was flaking off and her legs refused to move.
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