Calvin Stine was on his way home from Washington after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Hummer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a Dimwit for Educating You" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his carotid artery began to crackle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cardboard sack of potatoes floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Calvin was feeling strangely perky. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in sociology class. His carotid artery was still crackling, but he got out of the Hummer and sprinted effortlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was olive green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a falcon and a clipboard. It had eight camouflage eyes in its gall bladder. "Cagihice drukoomekil anabej, cehotig be bukleme, jyloolim ceclul," the creature said.
"So sure," Calvin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Burn badger hole circular saw pebble Sham-Wow! bounce to cornfield," the thing invited.
"Omigosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bybejookoo pair of scissors tripijemup."
"Why don't you take your pair of scissors and shove it in your forehead?" Calvin retorted.
The creature looked princely. "Mumyyogi bracekejyj udubuc, gevamep," it warbled. "Jewrooraj!" it continued.
"Your face is a jewrooraj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, hairy creature; he was feeling unusually fiendish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or road worker. If he had been carrying a banjo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bowman will be delighted to see you."
The creature struggled slightly and applauded. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its piehole and danced vacantly toward him.
For the first time, Calvin had the urge to run, but his toenail was enlarging and his legs refused to move.
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