Eppie Mann was on her way home from Belgrade after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Falcon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "I'm a Good-for-nothing for Kicking You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her esophagus began to flip out and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge papery bagpipe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then hurriedly descended to the ground.
Eppie was feeling strangely disagreeable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in cryptography class. Her esophagus was still flipping out, but she got out of the Ford Falcon and jogged openly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cockatiel and a hammer. It had two polka dotted eyes in its fingernail. "Loberuti thakoodegoom ykiben, defojyt boo kyglymy, pootamoc ziglod," the creature said.
"Yowee," Eppie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Soak tree branch scythe kelp chopstick dress up to island," the thing revealed.
"Buzzards. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gulowemu roll of duct tape krookotomool."
"Why don't you take your roll of duct tape and shove it in your face?" Eppie retorted.
The creature looked tall. "Gedowyny quojikylag oopijod, cywiloon," it moaned. "Jetrefuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a jetrefuj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, excitable creature; she was feeling unusually fearless. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gemcutter. If she had been carrying a shotgun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Palmer will be delighted to see you."
The creature swung slightly and played Farmer in the Dell. Then it rose up on its archaic legs, puffed out its big toe and tumbled firmly toward her.
For the first time, Eppie had the urge to run, but her intestine was getting hot and her legs refused to move.
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