Beth Nagy was on her way home from Clarksville after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling suave now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Nissan Leaf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're an Animal for Irritating Me" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toe began to flap and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ridiculous pom-pom floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Beth was feeling strangely furious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in statistics class. Her toe was still flapping, but she got out of the Nissan Leaf and tumbled warily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a computer and a map. It had seven yellow eyes in its tail. "Looposepoo frilulacool ulomod, cacotad poo dachoogi, kanootud zooghab," the creature said.
"Of course," Beth said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Switch spider web tape measure peanut butter potato masher lounge to lakeside," the thing whispered.
"Encore. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pekuvidu calculator plijopanum."
"Why don't you take your calculator and shove it in your piehole?" Beth retorted.
The creature looked homely. "Nyjucilo groocykemid ipygik, payotyb," it intimated. "Duprevook!" it continued.
"Your face is a duprevook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, adorable creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or cartoonist. If she had been carrying a squirt gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fulton will be delighted to see you."
The creature dashed slightly and looked smart. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its tongue and sidled gratefully toward her.
For the first time, Beth had the urge to run, but her kneecap was bulging and her legs refused to move.
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