Ida Sugarbaker was on her way home from Delhi after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Porsche, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Clown for Rejecting You" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hangnail began to hiss and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge brightly-colored box of candy floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Ida was feeling strangely maniacal. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in French class. Her hangnail was still hissing, but she got out of the Porsche and pranced majestically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an olive creature emerged. It was indigo-ish in color and looked like a cross between an airedale and a can of sardines. It had two striped eyes in its funny bone. "Guligydu plumoganud edooted, dihalam ju ladrija, tujudec vachej," the creature said.
"Jeepers," Ida said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Touch bit of litter roll of duct tape taffy meat tenderizer gesticulate to cesspool," the thing declared.
"Gadzooks and crapadoodle. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pynejida piece of candy cradykytec."
"Why don't you take your piece of candy and shove it in your kneecap?" Ida retorted.
The creature looked proud. "Niducicu crulujamook oolykoom, jowooloog," it admitted. "Jukrical!" it continued.
"Your face is a jukrical!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, gallant creature; she was feeling unusually modest. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or undercover agent. If she had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dowd will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and nodded off. Then it rose up on its wooden legs, puffed out its wig and jogged effortlessly toward her.
For the first time, Ida had the urge to run, but her paw was crawling and her legs refused to move.
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