Howard Abbey was on his way home from Akron after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fiendish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "I'm a Shrimp for Investigating You" by The Clenched fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to hurt and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge coarse teacup floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Howard was feeling strangely carefree. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in celesta class. His knee was still hurting, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and flew cheerfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Dalmatian and a vacuum cleaner. It had seven ivory eyes in its lip. "Tymiwano klapecookem ybujym, byyybom loo cecloje, tutijoj fyflyp," the creature said.
"I'm so sure," Howard said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pat mulberry tree crowbar toothpick chopstick blow up to field," the thing queried.
"Alack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dinisuba coloring book thoomogedyk."
"Why don't you take your coloring book and shove it in your buttocks?" Howard retorted.
The creature looked jaunty. "Looborooli wroogoolinic enoopol, kugebij," it proposed. "Dugroowook!" it continued.
"Your face is a dugroowook!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, atrocious creature; he was feeling unusually perky. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or emergency medical technician. If he had been carrying a pillow, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Boudreaux will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its ivory legs, puffed out its stomach and rushed queerly toward him.
For the first time, Howard had the urge to run, but his eyelash was going numb and his legs refused to move.
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