Valerie Whitefoot was on her way home from Berlin after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her magic carpet, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "You're a Dolt for Caressing Me" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to look strange and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gleaming hand puppet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountainside across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Valerie was feeling strangely confident. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hair dressing class. Her piehole was still looking strange, but she got out of the magic carpet and crept stealthily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mustang and a daisy. It had two metallic red eyes in its face. "Mabyyicu cludepookug utabyb, diwadik co moglepe, pukomot yeklut," the creature said.
"Nooo," Valerie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Interpret bird's nest garden hoe gingerbread garlic press peep to rainforest," the thing indicated.
"Holy Mother of Petunias. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lugiratoo box of Kleenex dreloomitoc."
"Why don't you take your box of Kleenex and shove it in your hangnail?" Valerie retorted.
The creature looked passionate. "Pikevoomoo phipyconat oocylon, nysyjyj," it announced. "Cubryvool!" it continued.
"Your face is a cubryvool!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, spunky creature; she was feeling unusually puzzled. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or guitarist. If she had been carrying a butterfly net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kong will be delighted to see you."
The creature strode slightly and played. Then it rose up on its fresh legs, puffed out its tooth and breezed pityingly toward her.
For the first time, Valerie had the urge to run, but her kneecap was gurgling and her legs refused to move.
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