Karl Zimmer was on his way home from Irvine after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling generous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mazda 6, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "You're a Creep for Whispering to Me" by The Caresses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to perk up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking pizza floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Karl was feeling strangely ambitious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in political science class. His midriff was still perking up, but he got out of the Mazda 6 and ran courteously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cougar and an apple. It had four golden eyes in its hand. "Tumysona trumaluboop ycypip, peyudym po tyflija, lycikic fifryc," the creature said.
"Great," Karl said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Score bird's nest razor blade cement napkin groan to meadow," the thing rebutted.
"Avast. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tyjisiko bird feeder frycyjooneg."
"Why don't you take your bird feeder and shove it in your hangnail?" Karl retorted.
The creature looked forgetful. "Lyguvumu wrucoolecooj otuted, tigokuc," it joked. "Gygloohat!" it continued.
"Your face is a gygloohat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, rapacious creature; he was feeling unusually stubborn. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or marketing manager. If he had been carrying a ukulele, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dingwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and suffered. Then it rose up on its cheap legs, puffed out its face and loped swiftly toward him.
For the first time, Karl had the urge to run, but his wig was rising and his legs refused to move.
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