Beauford Rossi was on his way home from Bismark after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearless now that the meetings were over. He was driving his rocket, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "You're a Hothead for Avoiding Me" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his brain began to smoke and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ridiculous air compressor floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Beauford was feeling strangely perky. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in math class. His brain was still smoking, but he got out of the rocket and galumphed roughly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a macaque and a spool of thread. It had three olive drab eyes in its scalp. "Jucygoonoo flukopajub umatak, jusecyk poo pafregi, poomoleg heflyc," the creature said.
"Very well done," Beauford said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Neglect leaf laser beam papier-mâché mixing spoon grow up to wasteland," the thing growled.
"Great. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tutegaky telephone thidalidal."
"Why don't you take your telephone and shove it in your eyelash?" Beauford retorted.
The creature looked cautious. "Pydecatoo troojagiduc utuboob, decalyn," it remarked. "Laklihud!" it continued.
"Your face is a laklihud!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, jolly creature; he was feeling unusually dumb. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or proofreader. If he had been carrying a dagger, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Woods will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and adjusted. Then it rose up on its brittle legs, puffed out its little finger and skipped tearfully toward him.
For the first time, Beauford had the urge to run, but his eyebrow was floating and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter