Archie Klinger was on his way home from Raleigh after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Bronco, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "You're a Troglodyte for Listening to Me" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tongue began to blossom and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious abacus floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Archie was feeling strangely humble. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astrology class. His tongue was still blossoming, but he got out of the Ford Bronco and inched urgently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a well-built creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pelican and a coat hanger. It had four black eyes in its femur. "Kegoociba ghanigitod oopanyb, guzalyt doo kycloonoo, jymymit roocreb," the creature said.
"Bullpuckey," Archie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Leave wolf track garden hose lace dish cloth flush to gulch," the thing squawked.
"Retch. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pomesenu Van Gogh ghoocigemup."
"Why don't you take your Van Gogh and shove it in your eyeball?" Archie retorted.
The creature looked vacuous. "Kodehoca wredybyjul ilucib, tujujan," it suggested. "Guquorem!" it continued.
"Your face is a guquorem!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, forgetful creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or telephone repairman. If he had been carrying a photon torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Prentice will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and adjusted the clock. Then it rose up on its important legs, puffed out its chest and galumphed languidly toward him.
For the first time, Archie had the urge to run, but his tongue was quivering and his legs refused to move.
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