Bianca Bogart was on her way home from Hastings after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Oldsmobile, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope fiend for Agreeing with You" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her heart began to peel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imitation box of candy floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the backyard across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Bianca was feeling strangely tipsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in dance class. Her heart was still peeling, but she got out of the Oldsmobile and tumbled greedily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spindly creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snipe and an urn. It had three polka dotted eyes in its appendix. "Gedujupo klinocoojap unidig, dorookook noo gabroba, teninec retrup," the creature said.
"Yahoo," Bianca said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Roll spring tape measure beeswax blender cogitate to dumpster," the thing concluded.
"Well I'll be. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gylivema salt shaker crijylolek."
"Why don't you take your salt shaker and shove it in your Achilles tendon?" Bianca retorted.
The creature looked cocky. "Bilucanu cromamudet oodobap, povidak," it roared. "Gewrigic!" it continued.
"Your face is a gewrigic!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, irate creature; she was feeling unusually frantic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or reporter. If she had been carrying a can of Raid, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ford will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and hiccuped. Then it rose up on its cheap legs, puffed out its toenail and cantered haughtily toward her.
For the first time, Bianca had the urge to run, but her larynx was getting wonky and her legs refused to move.
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