Beth Darnell was on her way home from Grand Junction after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Lincoln, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Dork for Controlling You" by The Crows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her collarbone began to dance and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge disgusting fingernail clipper floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cave across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Beth was feeling strangely funny. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in grassland management class. Her collarbone was still dancing, but she got out of the Lincoln and zoomed unabashedly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a skunk and a pencil. It had three carrot-orange eyes in its Adam's apple. "Tikeceko shemybejeb umigot, keredob ta gokreno, nobilop gyphal," the creature said.
"Shoot," Beth said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Spin flower grease gun old rag piece of cheesecloth show up to tundra," the thing retorted.
"Retch. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mucoowaly broom krybonootig."
"Why don't you take your broom and shove it in your ankle?" Beth retorted.
The creature looked unruffled. "Pijogygi ghamipalej okejit, nooyybal," it crooned. "Dachyjob!" it continued.
"Your face is a dachyjob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, silly creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or clerk. If she had been carrying a vial of poison, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Walters will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and flailed. Then it rose up on its gross legs, puffed out its toenail and cantered excitedly toward her.
For the first time, Beth had the urge to run, but her front tooth was hurting and her legs refused to move.
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