Midge Owen was on her way home from Hayward after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Hyundai Sonata, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arizona, etc. etc. "I'm a Dingbat for Embarrassing You" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her abdomen began to explode and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge modern protest sign floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the country meadow across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Midge was feeling strangely funny. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in citizenship class. Her abdomen was still exploding, but she got out of the Hyundai Sonata and crept madly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snipe and a piece of paper. It had six terra cotta eyes in its toupee. "Cimisila thylilogoom ilakap, pygojal du cootrootoo, mitupib zawhic," the creature said.
"Praise the Lord," Midge said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Decorate cactus sand blaster ash napkin flinch to badlands area," the thing bragged.
"Sure. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gedoojoju peanut quopootolop."
"Why don't you take your peanut and shove it in your throat?" Midge retorted.
The creature looked depraved. "Labehina krutapobyj ijikyt, nifitik," it chanted. "Lookloocen!" it continued.
"Your face is a lookloocen!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, urbane creature; she was feeling unusually shy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or race car driver. If she had been carrying a potato masher, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bagman will be delighted to see you."
The creature sallied forth slightly and slobbered. Then it rose up on its delicate legs, puffed out its bicep and sneaked ruefully toward her.
For the first time, Midge had the urge to run, but her tail was cramping and her legs refused to move.
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