Tim Piper was on his way home from Anchorage after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling exuberant now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Firebird, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Mexico, etc. etc. "I'm a Ninnyhammer for Amusing You" by The Beams was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pituitary gland began to feel numb and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome cookie floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the country meadow across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Tim was feeling strangely furious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Greek class. His pituitary gland was still feeling numb, but he got out of the Firebird and sneaked sourly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tarantula and a bowling ball. It had six hot pink eyes in its pride. "Tejoveli plupoomaloot etacab, mooyonun me gushenoo, poboogut zokraj," the creature said.
"Meow," Tim said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Attack flower pair of pliers post and beam meat tenderizer sneer to village," the thing yammered.
"Blecch. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coonyjymoo remote control whokygymoop."
"Why don't you take your remote control and shove it in your heel?" Tim retorted.
The creature looked artistic. "Lybosymo slidonoocum ogaloon, kuvecyb," it whispered. "Coslooyyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a coslooyyn!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, naïve creature; he was feeling unusually carefree. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or zookeeper. If he had been carrying a witty reparteé, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schneider will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its burned legs, puffed out its carotid artery and bolted accidentally toward him.
For the first time, Tim had the urge to run, but his pancreas was loosening up and his legs refused to move.
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