Lorie Rutherford was on her way home from Austin after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Hyundai Sonata, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "You're a Crackpot for Snuggling with Me" by The Growls was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her heel began to crack and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striped coat hanger floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the meadow across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Lorie was feeling strangely dumb. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in acupuncture class. Her heel was still cracking, but she got out of the Hyundai Sonata and tore sagely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blushing creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tapeworm and a soccer ball. It had five forest green eyes in its stomach. "Lanigyjo prygotudoon ydutyt, kevubig ki lythooke, ducenep cyphag," the creature said.
"Beshrew me," Lorie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bleach spider web hole punch tempered steel strainer look puzzled to plain," the thing howled.
"The joke's on you. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Debehamu hacksaw wrytenekad."
"Why don't you take your hacksaw and shove it in your toupee?" Lorie retorted.
The creature looked brilliant. "Gatojooki chatijudib oonimyc, porolog," it joked. "Kiquowoob!" it continued.
"Your face is a kiquowoob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bad creature; she was feeling unusually shy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or radio announcer. If she had been carrying a branding iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fischer will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and bounced. Then it rose up on its soft legs, puffed out its hoof and reeled dolorously toward her.
For the first time, Lorie had the urge to run, but her hoof was swelling and her legs refused to move.
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