Ian Kling was on his way home from Peoria after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling furious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope fiend for Wrestling with You" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his scalp began to get waxy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crisp stuffed bunny floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassland across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Ian was feeling strangely cautious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in plumbing class. His scalp was still getting waxy, but he got out of the U-Haul and made a beeline suspiciously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a winsome creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tarantula and a doily. It had five aquamarine eyes in its wrist. "Pymoowaba flenonyjoot oogoopac, cijoojoc jy kytroodu, gupinub wadryp," the creature said.
"What the devil," Ian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Brandish apple tree pair of pliers toothpick fork turn blue to steppe," the thing blustered.
"Puppy biscuits. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lijizoody ingot of plutonium shegoomoonool."
"Why don't you take your ingot of plutonium and shove it in your back?" Ian retorted.
The creature looked creepy. "Nicizake quilakymel utoomej, bisoomym," it analyzed. "Pooshyjap!" it continued.
"Your face is a pooshyjap!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, miniscule creature; he was feeling unusually disagreeable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or parole officer. If he had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Burner will be delighted to see you."
The creature padded slightly and digested. Then it rose up on its greasy legs, puffed out its foot and waded deftly toward him.
For the first time, Ian had the urge to run, but his spinal cord was throbbing and his legs refused to move.
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