Fido Ostrander was on his way home from Dayton after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Hummer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a Stalker for Laughing at You" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his throat began to twist and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge luxurious calculator floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Fido was feeling strangely irate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in nutrition class. His throat was still twisting, but he got out of the Hummer and staggered pitifully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a pickle. It had two hot pink eyes in its rib. "Monagule klatojumuc opagul, teyujep pu bookrali, coogabyp zaslyk," the creature said.
"Great," Fido said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Brandish cactus hair dryer stardust cookie cutter get sleepy to gulch," the thing intimated.
"Unbelievable. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mobahone lollipop slucodytuk."
"Why don't you take your lollipop and shove it in your elbow?" Fido retorted.
The creature looked bilious. "Tootayili glooboonanap ilypul, kezulig," it squealed. "Mybragyd!" it continued.
"Your face is a mybragyd!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, statuesque creature; he was feeling unusually somber. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or yoga instructor. If he had been carrying a can of pepper spray, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kaplan will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and adjusted the clock. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its front tooth and bounced sagely toward him.
For the first time, Fido had the urge to run, but his ego was wrinkling and his legs refused to move.
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