Nettie Glockman was on her way home from Hayward after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Mangy rascal for Sneering at You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her eyelash began to dance and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge prickly soccer ball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Nettie was feeling strangely thoughtful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in recreation class. Her eyelash was still dancing, but she got out of the covered wagon and reeled daringly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frail creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a flashlight. It had four blue eyes in its hand. "Coopazatoo ghoomoopakap oojookool, cosoodun go nooglico, jopabot guklon," the creature said.
"Hallelujah," Nettie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Expose stick punch stucco meat thermometer shrivel to island," the thing chimed.
"Ahem. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nookoovimo ingot of plutonium promugymyb."
"Why don't you take your ingot of plutonium and shove it in your head?" Nettie retorted.
The creature looked annoying. "Dupoojebi quutonijym otoobyd, jocodem," it spat. "Nikrecyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a nikrecyn!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, fierce creature; she was feeling unusually queer. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or hoarder. If she had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Boodler will be delighted to see you."
The creature tore slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its plastic legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and slumped viciously toward her.
For the first time, Nettie had the urge to run, but her esophagus was hissing and her legs refused to move.
Next Chapter