Louie Trott was on his way home from Billings after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "I'm a Chowderhead for Poking You" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nose began to throb and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge tiny diagram floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Louie was feeling strangely woozy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in anthropology class. His nose was still throbbing, but he got out of the Chevy Impala and padded immediately toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between an alligator and a pair of booties. It had five camouflage eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Cytuwony prumoomykym oonypal, bazilib ta myclukoo, kegutam vuplim," the creature said.
"Banzai," Louie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Chop acorn makeup brush Elmer's glue piece of cheesecloth look dumb to garden," the thing intoned.
"Touché. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Caguhalu Frisbee brojutudan."
"Why don't you take your Frisbee and shove it in your beard?" Louie retorted.
The creature looked pensive. "Joonahima whemypadood igamet, porodyn," it trumpeted. "Mekryvel!" it continued.
"Your face is a mekryvel!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, merry creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or shopkeeper. If he had been carrying a lightsaber, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Olson will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and stared into space. Then it rose up on its woven legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and hopped lazily toward him.
For the first time, Louie had the urge to run, but his tail was tormenting and his legs refused to move.
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