Vilmer Schecter was on his way home from Joliet after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Moonie for Splitting up with You" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heart began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent Big Gulp floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Vilmer was feeling strangely tired. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in home economics class. His heart was still shredding, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and scooted nervously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between an alligator and a pepper grinder. It had seven amber eyes in its ear. "Kijoojepu brudujotil omoobik, bafygag nu bagryje, bukykuj wygled," the creature said.
"Gee whiz," Vilmer said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Experience twig welding torch tar grater chuckle to buffalo wallow," the thing interrupted.
"Bingo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tulavumi slingshot quubootamob."
"Why don't you take your slingshot and shove it in your stomach?" Vilmer retorted.
The creature looked dowdy. "Pinegynoo phoocukenuc ymepoc, jecupij," it analyzed. "Kogrireb!" it continued.
"Your face is a kogrireb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, pensive creature; he was feeling unusually queer. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cellist. If he had been carrying an air rifle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Butterfield will be delighted to see you."
The creature galloped slightly and primped. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its knee and capered violently toward him.
For the first time, Vilmer had the urge to run, but his gall bladder was festering and his legs refused to move.
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