Marty Oggendorf was on his way home from Santiago after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Lincoln Town Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Bonehead for Sneering at You" by The Raspberries was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pancreas began to dance and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge charming etching floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Marty was feeling strangely self-confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in cryptography class. His pancreas was still dancing, but he got out of the Lincoln Town Car and staggered stealthily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blond creature emerged. It was olive green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolf and a stick. It had eight carrot-orange eyes in its spleen. "Bonesejy shepotepul anybon, goyypoob koo loofripo, mogytoj gekroom," the creature said.
"Shoo," Marty said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wiggle raspberry bush garden hoe beeswax bare foot clear out to canyon," the thing sighed.
"I beg your pardon. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bikoogiba peanut plagetejil."
"Why don't you take your peanut and shove it in your heel?" Marty retorted.
The creature looked phlegmatic. "Nykyvonu tracidadoop elikyp, kyfoloob," it panted. "Gipriraj!" it continued.
"Your face is a gipriraj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, garrulous creature; he was feeling unusually muddled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or typing teacher. If he had been carrying an accordion, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hamilton will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and passed out. Then it rose up on its gleaming legs, puffed out its spleen and strolled dubiously toward him.
For the first time, Marty had the urge to run, but his funny bone was sweating and his legs refused to move.
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