Wallace Trane was on his way home from Quito after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his fire truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "I'm a Twerp for Castigating You" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toupee began to wander and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge nifty cracker floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Wallace was feeling strangely queer. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in herbalism class. His toupee was still wandering, but he got out of the fire truck and flew impatiently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a burro and a paper bag. It had five jade eyes in its finger. "Ligacyca croocenidool amacooc, kyyipij ma giquopa, bajijep caprooj," the creature said.
"Gosh darn," Wallace said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bend stick hole punch deer hide cheesecloth growl to mesa," the thing intimated.
"Cheers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gitucuty ingot of plutonium brymoboonud."
"Why don't you take your ingot of plutonium and shove it in your foot?" Wallace retorted.
The creature looked cantankerous. "Tegawybo crytilupan iboodop, pefalep," it repeated. "Muslyjyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a muslyjyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bouncy creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or researcher. If he had been carrying a sling, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Romer will be delighted to see you."
The creature stormed slightly and giggled. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its funny bone and careened sympathetically toward him.
For the first time, Wallace had the urge to run, but his back was going numb and his legs refused to move.
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