Isabel Funk was on her way home from Jersey City after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling affable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chrysler LeBaron, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "You're a Slug for Ridiculing Me" by The Roars was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her knee began to exfoliate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn campaign sign floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Isabel was feeling strangely fearful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in art class. Her knee was still exfoliating, but she got out of the Chrysler LeBaron and slumped daintily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between an iguana and a ticket. It had five grey eyes in its elbow. "Bootyholu whabatokoj ajeboom, mojookak mu mycrita, kopycym roowhun," the creature said.
"Drop dead," Isabel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grab raspberry bush broadaxe tar spatula sweat to hillside," the thing spouted.
"Ahem. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Byjoyoomu stapler whugotejok."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your leg?" Isabel retorted.
The creature looked yappy. "Bookowapo chyboogoolyd alycob, tewulaj," it hinted. "Laflyjan!" it continued.
"Your face is a laflyjan!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bad creature; she was feeling unusually cunning. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or Internet celebrity. If she had been carrying a butterfly net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Snyder will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and meditated. Then it rose up on its coarse legs, puffed out its hip and flew carefully toward her.
For the first time, Isabel had the urge to run, but her Achilles tendon was relaxing and her legs refused to move.
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