Billy Bob Foster was on his way home from Prague after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Lamborghini, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "You're an Imbecile for Snuggling with Me" by The Honks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his palm began to fester and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striped rag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Billy Bob was feeling strangely sassy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His palm was still festering, but he got out of the Lamborghini and ran suavely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gecko and a vase. It had six emerald green eyes in its appendix. "Tudoyootoo ploobelopeb inoogooc, dezadeb noo coophugi, punoolej zuslud," the creature said.
"Oh my word," Billy Bob said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Copy tree stump router walnut napkin run to gulch," the thing prattled.
"Cripes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cemyfene stapler crelalabip."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your funny bone?" Billy Bob retorted.
The creature looked noxious. "Dyjogybo slidecooboom itamoom, dowoopem," it whined. "Goowhywal!" it continued.
"Your face is a goowhywal!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mindless creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or page. If he had been carrying an angry glare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Winkler will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and yelped. Then it rose up on its spongy legs, puffed out its kneecap and pranced positively toward him.
For the first time, Billy Bob had the urge to run, but his jaw was radiating and his legs refused to move.
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