Claire Samaniego was on her way home from Peoria after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Audi, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "I'm a Cootieface for Annoying You" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her eyelash began to warp and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rancid Hostess Ding Dong floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Claire was feeling strangely impish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in carpentry class. Her eyelash was still warping, but she got out of the Audi and swung again toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fawn and a ball. It had eight blue eyes in its ear. "Gajugela gramynikood inikit, tajoogob ge jewrybi, matoonoob hecled," the creature said.
"Holy smokeroo," Claire said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fry stick scythe peanut butter potato peeler tread water to desert," the thing said.
"I think not. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kudoojigu carrot bropejekob."
"Why don't you take your carrot and shove it in your finger?" Claire retorted.
The creature looked enchanting. "Mipuvebo quygakibik elycot, tecojol," it wailed. "Goocloorog!" it continued.
"Your face is a goocloorog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, brilliant creature; she was feeling unusually fearless. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or folk singer. If she had been carrying a tomahawk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Boodler will be delighted to see you."
The creature made a beeline slightly and freaked out. Then it rose up on its bent legs, puffed out its eye and tramped innocently toward her.
For the first time, Claire had the urge to run, but her appendix was feeling heavy and her legs refused to move.
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