Archie Boodler was on his way home from Montevideo after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Rolls-Royce Phantom, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "I'm a Hell-raiser for Fighting with You" by The Gasps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his adrenal gland began to ossify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mechanical teapot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Archie was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in citizenship class. His adrenal gland was still ossifying, but he got out of the Rolls-Royce Phantom and tore quietly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a neat creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a toad and an oriental vase. It had two lime-green eyes in its big toe. "Nocyseto plykutudom ogedon, lejoken lo pooshopi, coogetac jeshooc," the creature said.
"Rats," Archie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Prune twig jackhammer plaster Sham-Wow! dither to trail," the thing belched.
"Exaltations. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lygoroopoo whoopee cushion krekelicet."
"Why don't you take your whoopee cushion and shove it in your wrist?" Archie retorted.
The creature looked affable. "Negyjate wroomucyjook oonenud, lifoodyb," it mumbled. "Gashiyek!" it continued.
"Your face is a gashiyek!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, naïve creature; he was feeling unusually peckish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or marine biologist. If he had been carrying a poison dart, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Romano will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and digested. Then it rose up on its ridiculous legs, puffed out its horn and strolled hopelessly toward him.
For the first time, Archie had the urge to run, but his stomach was calcifying and his legs refused to move.
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