Vivian Biggs was on her way home from Rome after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. She was driving her dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "You're a Cretin for Questioning Me" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tail began to come off and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing carrot-orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge porcelain crate floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Vivian was feeling strangely awkward. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in law enforcement class. Her tail was still coming off, but she got out of the dog cart and set out gingerly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mole and a tissue. It had three maroon eyes in its knee. "Kujaryki floonypicyc ebynoob, nusulun ba dawhagoo, gadamyn vutrej," the creature said.
"Uh," Vivian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Refine stick plumber's snake ash spoon slobber to peninsula," the thing yammered.
"Alack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nootegegi cork dragadaloom."
"Why don't you take your cork and shove it in your kidney?" Vivian retorted.
The creature looked funny. "Bupuzeda phoojetulut ynyduk, kawitom," it invited. "Cesliheb!" it continued.
"Your face is a cesliheb!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, sketchy creature; she was feeling unusually peculiar. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or referee. If she had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President DomÃnguez will be delighted to see you."
The creature slumped slightly and laughed. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its thigh and dove woefully toward her.
For the first time, Vivian had the urge to run, but her kidney was shedding and her legs refused to move.
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