Fido Foreman was on his way home from Newark after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling shy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Saturn Vue, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Hag for Dancing with You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his brain began to unwind and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge golden spoon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Fido was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in dressage class. His brain was still unwinding, but he got out of the Saturn Vue and struggled pityingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tall creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a whale and a piece of paper. It had five golden eyes in its larynx. "Kutyyyda ghatanoonob utemet, nygijuj de tochepa, dymedoog syphoob," the creature said.
"Avast," Fido said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Prepare wolf track broom pipe cleaner oven mitt dawdle to countryside," the thing said.
"Loopers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jalacyku piece of paper phibygemoc."
"Why don't you take your piece of paper and shove it in your horn?" Fido retorted.
The creature looked intrepid. "Nootowooko frutugigon omoonool, cicoopog," it smiled. "Buplojeb!" it continued.
"Your face is a buplojeb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, presumptuous creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or missionary. If he had been carrying a crossbow, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wolfe will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and murmured. Then it rose up on its electronic legs, puffed out its thumb and slid nimbly toward him.
For the first time, Fido had the urge to run, but his rib was flaring up and his legs refused to move.
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