Helga Killeen was on her way home from Kawasaki after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling generous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Prius, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "You're a Lunatic for Jumping on Me" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to falter and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking iPod floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Helga was feeling strangely cunning. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in physical education class. Her piehole was still faltering, but she got out of the Prius and slipped ignobly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an unkempt creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a honeybee and a spinning wheel. It had seven chartreuse eyes in its ego. "Citigylo protaculul oolenub, guyonak doo dedregu, kucemub yafryn," the creature said.
"Remarkable," Helga said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smear fish roll of duct tape pipe cleaner fork chortle to river," the thing professed.
"Kaboom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kekirootu ironing board placutakep."
"Why don't you take your ironing board and shove it in your waist?" Helga retorted.
The creature looked cowardly. "Pupuzyboo slubacicat oolootod, nicetob," it called. "Mithujoog!" it continued.
"Your face is a mithujoog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, sinister creature; she was feeling unusually cruel. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bank teller. If she had been carrying a slingshot, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sawyer will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and primped. Then it rose up on its ancient legs, puffed out its intestine and went excitedly toward her.
For the first time, Helga had the urge to run, but her antenna was exploding and her legs refused to move.
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