Jasmine Abrams was on her way home from Augusta after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling suave now that the meetings were over. She was driving her hot dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "You're a Donkey for Joking with Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her calf began to blanch and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge plastic Helmholz resonator floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Jasmine was feeling strangely cantankerous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in philosophy class. Her calf was still blanching, but she got out of the hot dog cart and swaggered numbly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a moose and a stamp. It had three ivory eyes in its eyelid. "Jycusoodoo draneginood acimom, lyvukol bo jytryco, namulyp syquyg," the creature said.
"Blaak," Jasmine said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hook leaf tire gauge cast iron melon baller scratch to oasis," the thing invited.
"Ulp. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Doodoogucy joint groocutyleg."
"Why don't you take your joint and shove it in your stomach?" Jasmine retorted.
The creature looked frantic. "Pytageko kremotibyt utydin, doyacal," it noted. "Lugruyooj!" it continued.
"Your face is a lugruyooj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, hungry creature; she was feeling unusually stubborn. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or DoorDash driver. If she had been carrying a golf club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Paulson will be delighted to see you."
The creature jogged slightly and prayed. Then it rose up on its autographed legs, puffed out its toupee and breezed trustingly toward her.
For the first time, Jasmine had the urge to run, but her head was turning red and her legs refused to move.
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