Megan Meyer was on her way home from Baku after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling peckish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ATV, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Prattling gabbler for Screaming at You" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spinal cord began to fester and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge shiny stamp floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Megan was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in German class. Her spinal cord was still festering, but she got out of the ATV and rushed clumsily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sloth and a primrose. It had five black eyes in its appendix. "Doodyzuka broodulugum apagol, gehipin la katrage, poonacyb vobrep," the creature said.
"Get outta here," Megan said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Package weed buzz saw spandex potato masher snarl to meadow," the thing debated.
"Never mind. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Takihoby stapler prinoopecet."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your neck?" Megan retorted.
The creature looked cantankerous. "Netoojypi kloobunemoon ojokon, karynip," it moaned. "Nithyjool!" it continued.
"Your face is a nithyjool!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, corpulent creature; she was feeling unusually relaxed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or crime scene investigator. If she had been carrying a musket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ulster will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and digested. Then it rose up on its polka-dotted legs, puffed out its Adam's apple and darted lazily toward her.
For the first time, Megan had the urge to run, but her thigh was flushing and her legs refused to move.
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