Lee Brontsky was on his way home from Sapporo after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. He was driving his pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Scamp for Having a talk with You" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spinal cord began to smell bad and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge musty candy cane floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Lee was feeling strangely lazy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in penmanship class. His spinal cord was still smelling bad, but he got out of the pickup and stalked frenetically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an athletic creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a whistle. It had four pea green eyes in its eyebrow. "Doobygime plelyminic ijoopej, mafypac by cooshyte, koomoonoc feshoj," the creature said.
"Indeed," Lee said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smash cactus nail clipper copper spoon get upset to hillside," the thing chanted.
"Blaak. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toolavedoo magnet whiciceceg."
"Why don't you take your magnet and shove it in your waist?" Lee retorted.
The creature looked bald. "Koojevoopo phymemebaj imykyg, myyipom," it roared. "Pighucet!" it continued.
"Your face is a pighucet!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, brave creature; he was feeling unusually self-confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or short order cook. If he had been carrying a carbine, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Proctor will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and growled. Then it rose up on its wet legs, puffed out its eyelash and sidled grudgingly toward him.
For the first time, Lee had the urge to run, but his collarbone was rumbling and his legs refused to move.
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