Juanita Chavez was on her way home from Amarillo after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling relaxed now that the meetings were over. She was driving her MINI convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "I'm a Prattling gabbler for Operating on You" by The Stiff upper lips was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her foot began to get wonky and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge delicate magazine floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Juanita was feeling strangely angry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in traditional medicine class. Her foot was still getting wonky, but she got out of the MINI convertible and stalked softly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a large creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dormouse and a flashlight. It had five yellow eyes in its front tooth. "Nooboovoobo whejacedon ykijyt, karygac cu cuphode, jootetic fooghik," the creature said.
"Aarrggh," Juanita said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shave stone soldering iron taffy oven mitt ponder to trail," the thing belched.
"Ppppbbbft. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jocaweme pair of pliers cholotinoom."
"Why don't you take your pair of pliers and shove it in your jaw?" Juanita retorted.
The creature looked princely. "Nomegape flejootukyl udyduk, micegom," it whispered. "Ciprojyp!" it continued.
"Your face is a ciprojyp!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, haughty creature; she was feeling unusually crafty. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or Egyptologist. If she had been carrying a harpoon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Glover will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and hummed. Then it rose up on its brittle legs, puffed out its Achilles tendon and bounced warily toward her.
For the first time, Juanita had the urge to run, but her spinal cord was throbbing and her legs refused to move.
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