Shandra Knopf was on her way home from Little Big Horn after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. She was driving her MINI convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope fiend for Agreeing with You" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thumb began to flap and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge queer iPod floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Shandra was feeling strangely hysterical. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in reading class. Her thumb was still flapping, but she got out of the MINI convertible and waltzed ruefully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scruffy creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pig and a fishing rod. It had three grey eyes in its toupee. "Paloogalo shymidecip ugebob, tufetuc jy noogludi, tymudet jykrec," the creature said.
"Now what?," Shandra said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scuff twig putty knife foam rubber piece of cheesecloth dance to cornfield," the thing judged.
"Par bleu. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tidojugu baby doll frynetobok."
"Why don't you take your baby doll and shove it in your leg?" Shandra retorted.
The creature looked self-confident. "Milycybu crojipolat oogutooc, mavapen," it invited. "Mooglyrob!" it continued.
"Your face is a mooglyrob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; she was feeling unusually forgetful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or coach. If she had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brainard will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and did nothing. Then it rose up on its fresh legs, puffed out its intestine and slunk boldly toward her.
For the first time, Shandra had the urge to run, but her hand was feeling numb and her legs refused to move.
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