Darryl Hill was on his way home from Cairo after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mercedes, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Halfwit for Confronting You" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his appendix began to blossom and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damaged calculator floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Darryl was feeling strangely fearless. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physical education class. His appendix was still blossoming, but he got out of the Mercedes and ran nervously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an alert creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a ghost and an apple. It had seven red eyes in its appendix. "Lategoocoo grymoocitug okojul, pogabik ti bitrite, gucigool hodrun," the creature said.
"I'm sure," Darryl said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lick mushroom roll of duct tape toothpick corkscrew go limp to crime scene," the thing yowled.
"Harrumph. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dootuhido joint croocydokook."
"Why don't you take your joint and shove it in your antenna?" Darryl retorted.
The creature looked heavyset. "Papyjude trulybukob oletak, tyfanog," it squawked. "Nebroosoom!" it continued.
"Your face is a nebroosoom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, intrepid creature; he was feeling unusually crafty. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fitness trainer. If he had been carrying a peacemaker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Parker will be delighted to see you."
The creature skidded slightly and did nothing. Then it rose up on its amazing legs, puffed out its rib and rolled majestically toward him.
For the first time, Darryl had the urge to run, but his wig was growing and his legs refused to move.
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