Billy Schecter was on his way home from Grand Junction after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick LeSabre, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Clod for Shrinking Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lung began to dry up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge greasy radio floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Billy was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Russian class. His lung was still drying up, but he got out of the Buick LeSabre and skidded pityingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a handsome creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a quail and a candy bar. It had eight olive green eyes in its toupee. "Mykucute cregamoocyp apilug, pyyudul le laclipe, cacyged jooslon," the creature said.
"Whoop-dee-doo," Billy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unbutton bit of moss garden hose cane whisk twitch to creek," the thing emphasized.
"Shazam. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Begeridi bullet gratinujec."
"Why don't you take your bullet and shove it in your leg?" Billy retorted.
The creature looked nervous. "Poomeweni plejemoomid ugujad, jiwibym," it purred. "Juproogig!" it continued.
"Your face is a juproogig!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, haughty creature; he was feeling unusually lethargic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rock musician. If he had been carrying a slingshot, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Popp will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounced slightly and dressed up. Then it rose up on its original legs, puffed out its lip and tore sweetly toward him.
For the first time, Billy had the urge to run, but his eyelid was hissing and his legs refused to move.
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