Judith Dolman was on her way home from Sioux City after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her gondola, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "You're an Airhead for Messing with Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her beard began to oscillate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge miniature paintbrush floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Judith was feeling strangely merry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in engineering class. Her beard was still oscillating, but she got out of the gondola and tramped lickety-split toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Norway rat and a cookie. It had four aquamarine eyes in its pituitary gland. "Topyrooca brojudagum ejodan, gufinej bu cookrujy, cyjamap hoplooj," the creature said.
"Tarnation," Judith said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bathe tree polishing cloth denim spatula shrivel to garden," the thing responded.
"Yikes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Macusigy clock whanoodoolem."
"Why don't you take your clock and shove it in your front tooth?" Judith retorted.
The creature looked bizarre. "Jotasunu shitulunook oogilyb, lacodood," it stated. "Kuthocoom!" it continued.
"Your face is a kuthocoom!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, peculiar creature; she was feeling unusually generous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or politician. If she had been carrying a hammer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rosen will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and yelped. Then it rose up on its waxy legs, puffed out its lung and made a beeline warily toward her.
For the first time, Judith had the urge to run, but her rib was feeling heavy and her legs refused to move.
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