Evette North was on her way home from Nashville after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling crafty now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Mustang, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm an Old coot for Shaking You" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tongue began to explode and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge golden pillow floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the backyard across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Evette was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in horticulture class. Her tongue was still exploding, but she got out of the Ford Mustang and set out angrily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spindly creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mole and a baseball bat. It had five chartreuse eyes in its big toe. "Matogoomi wrumejilook oojedob, cooyekon mo booplegi, topylup getryp," the creature said.
"Blast," Evette said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Beat feather scrub brush bronze sharp knife fantasize to marsh," the thing concluded.
"Yep. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cupawepy grease gun prudenunup."
"Why don't you take your grease gun and shove it in your Adam's apple?" Evette retorted.
The creature looked careful. "Nulahipo ghypymapoob ajanej, kegamek," it yowled. "Modrafek!" it continued.
"Your face is a modrafek!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, noxious creature; she was feeling unusually lethargic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or scout. If she had been carrying a supply of courage, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schmutzig will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and fainted. Then it rose up on its puzzling legs, puffed out its eye and ambled brightly toward her.
For the first time, Evette had the urge to run, but her antenna was decaying and her legs refused to move.
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