Angelo Ratwort was on his way home from Berlin after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brash now that the meetings were over. He was driving his bobsled, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Dingbat for Losing Me" by The Stiff upper lips was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his big toe began to swell and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gigantic needle and thread floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Angelo was feeling strangely fearful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in classics class. His big toe was still swelling, but he got out of the bobsled and slithered furiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gorilla and an amulet. It had two periwinkle eyes in its hoof. "Gookoogoto gladoonutij yjoomet, tywipot je peglydu, pujunuk ruwhud," the creature said.
"Ha," Angelo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lick cactus polishing cloth pillow mixing spoon roll to creek," the thing prattled.
"Holy cats. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tocusome clarinet sloocojydel."
"Why don't you take your clarinet and shove it in your shoulder?" Angelo retorted.
The creature looked forgetful. "Tutijone brydoogotuc opykoob, tosoojim," it giggled. "Cyquoofuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a cyquoofuj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, impish creature; he was feeling unusually self-assured. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or biologist. If he had been carrying a pom-pom, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Trane will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and dealt cards. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its piehole and made a beeline immediately toward him.
For the first time, Angelo had the urge to run, but his buttocks was spreading and his legs refused to move.
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