Anatoly Zimmer was on his way home from Hamburg after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling angry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his cab, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "You're a Fanatic for Greeting Me" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nose began to ossify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hefty pop bottle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Anatoly was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in etiquette class. His nose was still ossifying, but he got out of the cab and crawled threateningly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dinky creature emerged. It was magenta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bull and a cupcake. It had eight violet eyes in its pinky. "Gubahooje kropucanyg ucanuj, loofybom po mabribo, kinapog cychip," the creature said.
"Crud," Anatoly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swirl bird's nest paintbrush taffy garlic press show up to gulch," the thing articulated.
"Aaaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Makacemo comb brinynoobug."
"Why don't you take your comb and shove it in your abdomen?" Anatoly retorted.
The creature looked sophisticated. "Dacycece slucoocymeg edogad, musilet," it shouted. "Loophoohac!" it continued.
"Your face is a loophoohac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, muscular creature; he was feeling unusually maniacal. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or teacher. If he had been carrying a rattlesnake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ruiz will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and clattered. Then it rose up on its porcelain legs, puffed out its pinky and leapt awkwardly toward him.
For the first time, Anatoly had the urge to run, but his carotid artery was widening and his legs refused to move.
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