Rebecca Cheetham was on her way home from Mesa after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her handcart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm an Egomaniac for Transforming You" by The Kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to go wild and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing azure light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fluffy stamp floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the country meadow across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Rebecca was feeling strangely self-assured. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in genetics class. Her piehole was still going wild, but she got out of the handcart and marched hastily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tapeworm and a toilet plunger. It had two tan eyes in its ankle. "Muduvige thojoloogot onookij, ceroodoop ko byshoca, jegidoog wykruk," the creature said.
"Achoo," Rebecca said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hack tree stump chisel candy candy thermometer yell to meadow," the thing judged.
"Gosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jucygomy floppy disk whapycomyl."
"Why don't you take your floppy disk and shove it in your earlobe?" Rebecca retorted.
The creature looked cowardly. "Dolifoty phykookoolak aginyb, kesagud," it interpreted. "Buphoocaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a buphoocaj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, loving creature; she was feeling unusually cheerful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or short order cook. If she had been carrying a stash of bribe money, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President James will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and shook. Then it rose up on its imitation legs, puffed out its earlobe and hopped glibly toward her.
For the first time, Rebecca had the urge to run, but her esophagus was acting weird and her legs refused to move.
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