Jess Seagram was on his way home from Chandler after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Leaf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "You're a Hell-raiser for Seeing Me" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his aorta began to scale off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brown light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge sophisticated bag of ice floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Jess was feeling strangely timid. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in anatomy class. His aorta was still scaling off, but he got out of the Nissan Leaf and hobbled victoriously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a beautiful creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panda and a carrot. It had four terra cotta eyes in its wig. "Pibyryto gloopookokym ogujun, burekyl bi poproku, gonulab hoclug," the creature said.
"Hee haw," Jess said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Extend seed pod file plaster pair of chopsticks freak out to grassy knoll," the thing complained.
"Huzzah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gylyjudo box of candy krocygucyg."
"Why don't you take your box of candy and shove it in your abdomen?" Jess retorted.
The creature looked fearful. "Gipuzadoo prepobidood inedyp, lifucad," it wailed. "Nookryzep!" it continued.
"Your face is a nookryzep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; he was feeling unusually nervous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or appliance repairman. If he had been carrying a blow pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tutu will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and came back. Then it rose up on its plain legs, puffed out its hairdo and blundered energetically toward him.
For the first time, Jess had the urge to run, but his elbow was overheating and his legs refused to move.
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