Marion Lizard was on her way home from Podunk Hollow after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. She was driving her clown car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "You're a Cretin for Kicking Me" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her kidney began to dribble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fuzzy rake floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Marion was feeling strangely cantankerous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in bricklaying class. Her kidney was still dribbling, but she got out of the clown car and ran uselessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a louse and a bedpan. It had four yellow eyes in its ego. "Jynegodu whebopunem igagip, bivikej too naprylu, gamipim fythuk," the creature said.
"WTF," Marion said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bend flower flashlight money paring knife wait to meadow," the thing uttered.
"Eeek. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pijozube snail clookykoton."
"Why don't you take your snail and shove it in your nostril?" Marion retorted.
The creature looked homely. "Conuhepoo brebugugun ojykok, lirubat," it cajoled. "Jofrycyg!" it continued.
"Your face is a jofrycyg!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; she was feeling unusually awkward. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or painter. If she had been carrying a Millwall brick, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ferber will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and primped. Then it rose up on its large legs, puffed out its heart and stormed suddenly toward her.
For the first time, Marion had the urge to run, but her abdomen was peeling and her legs refused to move.
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