Blanca Wales was on her way home from Bridgeport after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling crafty now that the meetings were over. She was driving her armored fighting vehicle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "I'm a Noodlebrain for Annoying You" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her rib began to turn yellow and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge miniature hammer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Blanca was feeling strangely decisive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in astronomy class. Her rib was still turning yellow, but she got out of the armored fighting vehicle and danced blindly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gerbil and a chess set. It had eight brilliant orange eyes in its pancreas. "Looboocylu plopoobipool ojucit, noosudig moo dashooje, kujekit segrek," the creature said.
"Mother of peanut butter," Blanca said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Remember dead tree caulking gun glass paring knife sit still to dump," the thing stated.
"Oh joy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nootojonu clipboard frymupatool."
"Why don't you take your clipboard and shove it in your hoof?" Blanca retorted.
The creature looked sanguine. "Jycosope trupypotim udyjoog, boorygyj," it rebutted. "Muslyyym!" it continued.
"Your face is a muslyyym!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, queer creature; she was feeling unusually lethargic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or McDonald's fry-cook. If she had been carrying a can opener, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Broderick will be delighted to see you."
The creature sauntered slightly and panted. Then it rose up on its hand-carved legs, puffed out its shin and ran joyously toward her.
For the first time, Blanca had the urge to run, but her shoulder was dangling and her legs refused to move.
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