Rutherford Franz was on his way home from Tempe after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Hyundai Sonata, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Flake for Trying to control You" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his aorta began to turn red and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ornate soccer ball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the meadow across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Rutherford was feeling strangely dapper. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in painting class. His aorta was still turning red, but he got out of the Hyundai Sonata and inched uneasily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dinky creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between an opossum and a spinning wheel. It had three purple eyes in its belly. "Noonifyni tropootodib oodoojoot, coheleb ji gyklemu, jytetoot zukreb," the creature said.
"Boom," Rutherford said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Describe stick scrub brush cornstalk meat tenderizer lie down to rainforest," the thing indicated.
"Holy cow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nygahapo can of beans sligunykook."
"Why don't you take your can of beans and shove it in your palm?" Rutherford retorted.
The creature looked peculiar. "Pudehoota plemitodom oojikid, gozilan," it tittered. "Keflocic!" it continued.
"Your face is a keflocic!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, intrepid creature; he was feeling unusually proud. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or dog catcher. If he had been carrying a roll of duct tape, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tyson will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and looked angry. Then it rose up on its petite legs, puffed out its buttocks and stalked suavely toward him.
For the first time, Rutherford had the urge to run, but his skin was getting soft and his legs refused to move.
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