Edna Locke was on her way home from Dublin after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling pensive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her station wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "I'm a Thug for Losing You" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her buttocks began to look strange and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cheap dish floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the countryside across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Edna was feeling strangely self-assured. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in biology class. Her buttocks was still looking strange, but she got out of the station wagon and strolled timidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pheasant and a spittoon. It had five fuchsia eyes in its thyroid gland. "Kyguzegu chumiloomel imimoc, jahimon li mufrodi, bukelood hakrood," the creature said.
"Behold," Edna said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wash tree branch monkey wrench buffalo hide whisk flail to dumpster," the thing cajoled.
"Beats me. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mumujamoo needle and thread wrinacajek."
"Why don't you take your needle and thread and shove it in your knee?" Edna retorted.
The creature looked garrulous. "Cipygeno chumykootaj ulojyd, poofapooj," it croaked. "Dowhihem!" it continued.
"Your face is a dowhihem!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, disgusting creature; she was feeling unusually fearless. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or real estate investor. If she had been carrying a hockey puck, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Emerson will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and swore. Then it rose up on its dry legs, puffed out its artery and swaggered vacantly toward her.
For the first time, Edna had the urge to run, but her heart was bulging and her legs refused to move.
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