Roberta Vintner was on her way home from Fremont after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling drowsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Kia Soul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "I'm a Hoodlum for Having a talk with You" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spine began to rise and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge burned telephone book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the stream across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Roberta was feeling strangely lethargic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in philosophy class. Her spine was still rising, but she got out of the Kia Soul and barrelled suddenly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a pail. It had three jet black eyes in its vein. "Cyjuyimi bredybomoj ikegam, juwoogub doo gegrugy, bydibom ziwhej," the creature said.
"Meow," Roberta said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Slash apple tree match lead spoon whistle to countryside," the thing bragged.
"Crackers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jycawydu toilet plunger drobytadyt."
"Why don't you take your toilet plunger and shove it in your toe?" Roberta retorted.
The creature looked distressed. "Generegoo thupacadem ymudud, kezoobyt," it blubbered. "Pafrifyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a pafrifyt!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, talkative creature; she was feeling unusually dumb. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or court jester. If she had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baca will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its fuzzy legs, puffed out its head and sneaked joyously toward her.
For the first time, Roberta had the urge to run, but her buttocks was sinking and her legs refused to move.
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