Borat Wilhelm was on his way home from Clarksville after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Corvette, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "You're a Dunce for Slapping Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his belly button began to shiver and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge autographed primrose floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
Borat was feeling strangely drowsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in theology class. His belly button was still shivering, but he got out of the Corvette and staggered flightily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a white creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rhinoceros and a padlock. It had four chocolate brown eyes in its abdomen. "Cenofydu pledoopydyg alocin, pisitij na toochelu, dupopol cedrod," the creature said.
"Who cares," Borat said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whirl leaf pipe wrench titanium candy thermometer type to beach," the thing requested.
"Criminy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Guboojoogoo stuffed kitten shunitonem."
"Why don't you take your stuffed kitten and shove it in your toenail?" Borat retorted.
The creature looked mournful. "Lanocele thelepatyk acopej, bogolab," it shouted. "Mukrurud!" it continued.
"Your face is a mukrurud!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, merry creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or typing teacher. If he had been carrying a Molotov cocktail, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Papadapolous will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and dawdled. Then it rose up on its hand-carved legs, puffed out its artery and made a beeline truculently toward him.
For the first time, Borat had the urge to run, but his toe was unwinding and his legs refused to move.
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