Ian Ramirez was on his way home from Berlin after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're a Pook for Harassing Me" by The Hoots was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his neck began to shiver and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge disgusting toilet seat floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lagoon across the road, then easily descended to the ground.
Ian was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in acupuncture class. His neck was still shivering, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and climbed impatiently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blue-eyed creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mouse and a roll of toilet paper. It had three beige eyes in its finger. "Temirutu kloodumydyg ylugun, duyomyl by ciflejoo, tucumyl vooproop," the creature said.
"Ha-ha," Ian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Overlook spider web hammer old tire wooden spoon come to to village," the thing stormed.
"Leapin' lizards. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dokesama pair of headphones drejolokod."
"Why don't you take your pair of headphones and shove it in your abdomen?" Ian retorted.
The creature looked desperate. "Degayoboo shemolelac ibejyj, joosekal," it persisted. "Tupriwop!" it continued.
"Your face is a tupriwop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ambitious creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or X-ray technician. If he had been carrying a broadsword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Barry will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and played Duck Duck Goose. Then it rose up on its aquamarine legs, puffed out its eyebrow and tramped gracefully toward him.
For the first time, Ian had the urge to run, but his heel was dancing and his legs refused to move.
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