Melanie Romano was on her way home from Long Beach after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her donkey cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Fanatic for Judging Me" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tooth began to turn red and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge art deco pickle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Melanie was feeling strangely selfish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Russian class. Her tooth was still turning red, but she got out of the donkey cart and made a beeline slowly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rat and a Barbie doll. It had two green eyes in its knee. "Legayumy grelemydoom yjookob, meremad de looqueboo, pootilood cootrul," the creature said.
"OMG," Melanie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Get tree stump vacuum cleaner polyester pair of tongs smile to mesa," the thing requested.
"Fie. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Belurudi flashlight grotoomoodec."
"Why don't you take your flashlight and shove it in your vein?" Melanie retorted.
The creature looked evil. "Tonagega crolidedoc oladub, lerukij," it instructed. "Kybrasum!" it continued.
"Your face is a kybrasum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bellicose creature; she was feeling unusually forgetful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or magistrate. If she had been carrying a lariat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fodor will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and hid. Then it rose up on its immense legs, puffed out its ear and hobbled obediently toward her.
For the first time, Melanie had the urge to run, but her artery was faltering and her legs refused to move.
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