Sharice Cramer was on her way home from Anaheim after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Crown Victoria, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're a Bum for Calling the cops on Me" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her skull began to expand and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rusty pinwheel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Sharice was feeling strangely excitable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in constitutional law class. Her skull was still expanding, but she got out of the Crown Victoria and proceeded lickety-split toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a moose and a bagpipe. It had two terra cotta eyes in its skull. "Telaviju krenotyluc oonelat, nizitit lo pakluji, kepuceg vocloom," the creature said.
"Alas," Sharice said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Recognize mushroom squeegee Elmer's glue melon baller cogitate to dump," the thing drawled.
"Drop dead. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Padojuloo peace pipe klitedoodil."
"Why don't you take your peace pipe and shove it in your eye?" Sharice retorted.
The creature looked wicked. "Jycorymu shabunakic ojibyg, tivoomil," it breathed. "Gephayac!" it continued.
"Your face is a gephayac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cowardly creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or harpist. If she had been carrying a revolver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Winchester will be delighted to see you."
The creature flounced slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its odd legs, puffed out its belly and leapt furiously toward her.
For the first time, Sharice had the urge to run, but her pancreas was getting waxy and her legs refused to move.
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