Beatrice Yamaguchi was on her way home from Perth after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. She was driving her school bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "You're a Clodhopper for Recoiling from Me" by The Snickers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her Achilles tendon began to enlarge and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brown light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge magnificent billiard ball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Beatrice was feeling strangely cantankerous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in math class. Her Achilles tendon was still enlarging, but she got out of the school bus and made a beeline grudgingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a heavyset creature emerged. It was periwinkle-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wombat and a campaign sign. It had seven blue eyes in its spine. "Goocoojoobi prutookejek ikukood, muhedyt ni duchika, jemepem syfrood," the creature said.
"Not on your life," Beatrice said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bury bit of moss plumber's snake carbon fiber knife step aside to veld," the thing reacted.
"Fribblenootums. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kobiranoo book crupetyjal."
"Why don't you take your book and shove it in your gut?" Beatrice retorted.
The creature looked brilliant. "Conoyooby gloobakojoot ekolin, doofelul," it cried. "Jooshorol!" it continued.
"Your face is a jooshorol!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, gargantuan creature; she was feeling unusually cheerful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or parent. If she had been carrying a defibrillator, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Palin will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and rejoiced. Then it rose up on its waxy legs, puffed out its heel and slid viciously toward her.
For the first time, Beatrice had the urge to run, but her buttocks was rumbling and her legs refused to move.
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