Ida Lister was on her way home from Sidney after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ox cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "I'm a Scurvy bilge rat for Overlooking You" by The Smacks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thumb began to hiss and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crisp hockey puck floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Ida was feeling strangely modest. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in addition class. Her thumb was still hissing, but she got out of the ox cart and waded truculently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was indigo-ish in color and looked like a cross between a phantom and a pepper grinder. It had eight white eyes in its eyebrow. "Dedyyego producikip ygenool, noozetan la jusloobe, mookoojit vyphyk," the creature said.
"Geez Louise," Ida said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swirl sea shell coping saw Sheetrock melon baller watch to forest," the thing snarled.
"Brrr. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loobasoga baton quotekepat."
"Why don't you take your baton and shove it in your intestine?" Ida retorted.
The creature looked clever. "Bunyyunoo floobomatooj imynot, jacikul," it pointed out. "Dephigooj!" it continued.
"Your face is a dephigooj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, ungainly creature; she was feeling unusually thoughtful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or ballroom dancer. If she had been carrying a mace, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Yastremski will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and looked angry. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its pancreas and tiptoed blankly toward her.
For the first time, Ida had the urge to run, but her shin was waving and her legs refused to move.
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