Fuzz Salinger was on his way home from Brussels after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his streetcar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "You're a Monkey for Spanking Me" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to turn yellow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge grubby tube of glue floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Fuzz was feeling strangely carefree. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in bricklaying class. His tummy was still turning yellow, but he got out of the streetcar and clambered ignobly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a worm and a comb. It had five azure eyes in its antenna. "Demisudo plumycugel adykej, loocobag ju guwrabi, coomoocuj fuproc," the creature said.
"Ho hum," Fuzz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Expand stick Q-tip drywall egg cutter gesticulate to gulch," the thing ranted.
"Ack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gadizune football slolajudac."
"Why don't you take your football and shove it in your bladder?" Fuzz retorted.
The creature looked gregarious. "Dyjecuju clopojukoot ydapyn, disipek," it commented. "Lechuwyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a lechuwyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, earnest creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or entertainer. If he had been carrying a shiv, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nicholas will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and rocked. Then it rose up on its papery legs, puffed out its heel and lumbered gruffly toward him.
For the first time, Fuzz had the urge to run, but his neck was acting weird and his legs refused to move.
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