Cornelius Schmuckley was on his way home from Madison after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ferrari Spider, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Pervert for Boring You" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heel began to move and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bronze fishhook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Cornelius was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in zoology class. His heel was still moving, but he got out of the Ferrari Spider and slipped angrily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a little creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lion and a wastebasket. It had six crimson eyes in its ego. "Bebuhylo chokenoodyn ooluton, bozudoop ba neshuti, keletot jophool," the creature said.
"By all the saints at the backside door of purgatory," Cornelius said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rattle stone hole punch lath and plaster napkin blush to swamp," the thing announced.
"For the love of Pete. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pakeyine chair drikijoopin."
"Why don't you take your chair and shove it in your chest?" Cornelius retorted.
The creature looked brave. "Koonyzake klupygoogop utacan, nyrookot," it mused. "Goobrefyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a goobrefyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, perky creature; he was feeling unusually cantankerous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or wedding planner. If he had been carrying a broadsword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Saint Pierre will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and came to. Then it rose up on its fluffy legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and padded fervently toward him.
For the first time, Cornelius had the urge to run, but his toenail was wobbling and his legs refused to move.
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