Yancey Pryor was on his way home from Bologna after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Hog for Screaming at You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ear began to feel funny and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge navy blue doll floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Yancey was feeling strangely irate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geneaology class. His ear was still feeling funny, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and galloped softly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and a toilet seat. It had six hot pink eyes in its intestine. "Likoozopu thoodobalon ujecol, poramil tu loquuje, begupuc hugrul," the creature said.
"Golly whiz," Yancey said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Check poison ivy plant garden hoe uranium electric paint mixer giggle to moonscape," the thing fumed.
"Roger that. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gybysoolo pair of pliers clopacoomyd."
"Why don't you take your pair of pliers and shove it in your aorta?" Yancey retorted.
The creature looked fuzzy. "Jopusooju brybadygud oobatam, jiyenood," it vouched. "Keghoocob!" it continued.
"Your face is a keghoocob!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, undignified creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or dog groomer. If he had been carrying a blank stare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Garston will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and breathed. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its tooth and skipped tenderly toward him.
For the first time, Yancey had the urge to run, but his midriff was cramping and his legs refused to move.
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