Horst Spanbauer was on his way home from Brownsville after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Pansy for Giggling at You" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pituitary gland began to ache and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smelly knitting needle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Horst was feeling strangely perky. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in scuba diving class. His pituitary gland was still aching, but he got out of the covered wagon and strode fervently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a grubby creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panther and a whoopee cushion. It had four fuchsia eyes in its mouth. "Melevega propebynyb inycool, kusoogeg pi dabreto, gigypym woshod," the creature said.
"Nooo," Horst said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Refine fern X-Acto knife ice potato peeler creep to path," the thing chattered.
"Can it. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kybufide clipboard trykootykej."
"Why don't you take your clipboard and shove it in your wig?" Horst retorted.
The creature looked relaxed. "Loobyroji slymokebid anujon, bejapak," it professed. "Kitrooyok!" it continued.
"Your face is a kitrooyok!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, melancholic creature; he was feeling unusually crafty. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or nanny. If he had been carrying an atomic weapon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wheeler will be delighted to see you."
The creature skidded slightly and ruminated. Then it rose up on its mechanical legs, puffed out its chin and lumbered bitterly toward him.
For the first time, Horst had the urge to run, but his bicep was stiffening and his legs refused to move.
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