Edmond Armstrong was on his way home from Kiev after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearless now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Pinto, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Buzzard for Forgetting Me" by The Flutters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his face began to roll and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge chic screwdriver floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Edmond was feeling strangely irate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in grassland management class. His face was still rolling, but he got out of the Ford Pinto and swaggered numbly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a toad and a spinning wheel. It had four tan eyes in its throat. "Nunyrydu wholeleluj utedoop, lovinook mu gepryby, bidykac faquon," the creature said.
"Fribblenootums," Edmond said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Handle bit of moss crowbar string turkey baster blow up to neighborhood," the thing drawled.
"Meow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tanehypi mushroom shydepobup."
"Why don't you take your mushroom and shove it in your wrist?" Edmond retorted.
The creature looked agitated. "Gyloohoono krumadakuc anytek, bifoged," it offered. "Powhoofij!" it continued.
"Your face is a powhoofij!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, peculiar creature; he was feeling unusually modest. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or landscaper. If he had been carrying a hockey puck, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Freeman will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and froze. Then it rose up on its primitive legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and waded testily toward him.
For the first time, Edmond had the urge to run, but his calf was shriveling and his legs refused to move.
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