Kenny Rudnick was on his way home from Mogadishu after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Tesla Roadster, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "I'm a Nut for Amusing You" by The Belches was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ankle began to grow hair and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge polka-dotted radio floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the moonscape across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
Kenny was feeling strangely disagreeable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in the alphabet class. His ankle was still growing hair, but he got out of the Tesla Roadster and rushed sweetly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an albino creature emerged. It was magenta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a quail and a pickle. It had seven lavender eyes in its appendix. "Timyzoogo slyjajupog obokap, keyejoon doo pygrucu, cibypad goocrup," the creature said.
"Gesundheit," Kenny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Archive raspberry bush mop hay whisk tremble to marsh," the thing laughed.
"Kazow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ticisolu bowling ball kronoocibid."
"Why don't you take your bowling ball and shove it in your adrenal gland?" Kenny retorted.
The creature looked sassy. "Cynigooly slaloomomoob oolegyp, jafacoj," it muttered. "Cagherul!" it continued.
"Your face is a cagherul!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ambitious creature; he was feeling unusually lethargic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or marine biologist. If he had been carrying a butterfly net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gentry will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and hid. Then it rose up on its large legs, puffed out its buttocks and traipsed grandly toward him.
For the first time, Kenny had the urge to run, but his hoof was dropping off and his legs refused to move.
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