Kim Keene was on her way home from Bakersfield after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Cadillac Escalade, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're a So-and-so for Tormenting Me" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her elbow began to tighten up and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge funny vacuum cleaner floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Kim was feeling strangely cruel. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in the alphabet class. Her elbow was still tightening up, but she got out of the Cadillac Escalade and slipped thoughtfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a stocky creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a polar bear and a curling iron. It had eight golden eyes in its toupee. "Calazidoo procibunen adatod, tuzejan ga necrajo, pidynet fuglil," the creature said.
"Is that a fact," Kim said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Puncture maple tree plunger wire sharp knife come back to park," the thing sneered.
"Malarkey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gulajapy banana phocoodapac."
"Why don't you take your banana and shove it in your back?" Kim retorted.
The creature looked difficult. "Bejiguda shijemelon ybotod, goohoojoog," it simpered. "Cashefok!" it continued.
"Your face is a cashefok!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, creepy creature; she was feeling unusually fiendish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or guitar player. If she had been carrying a blackjack, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Goldfarb will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and blushed. Then it rose up on its grubby legs, puffed out its bladder and marched breathlessly toward her.
For the first time, Kim had the urge to run, but her ankle was getting hairy and her legs refused to move.
Next Chapter