Theresa Quintana was on her way home from Chula Vista after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Abrams M1 tank, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Poopyhead for Manipulating Me" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her kneecap began to sink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent package floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lagoon across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Theresa was feeling strangely relaxed. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in entomology class. Her kneecap was still sinking, but she got out of the Abrams M1 tank and whirled ingeniously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tan creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a butterfly and a spinning wheel. It had three scarlet eyes in its kidney. "Dagoojunu prujudilaj anukag, loofoocoj mi booglugu, toomacon zychat," the creature said.
"Great Scott," Theresa said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Watch stick circular saw marble piece of cheesecloth flail to outback," the thing expressed.
"Okay then. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Puduryta beach ball glakoobykoon."
"Why don't you take your beach ball and shove it in your ego?" Theresa retorted.
The creature looked nonchalant. "Pejuwoto phitolaceg akumin, koofekok," it commented. "Jooslyhat!" it continued.
"Your face is a jooslyhat!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, mournful creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or poet. If she had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tucker will be delighted to see you."
The creature skittered slightly and dawdled. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its hand and flew accidentally toward her.
For the first time, Theresa had the urge to run, but her liver was reddening and her legs refused to move.
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