William Dewey was on his way home from Brasilia after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling shy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Jaguar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm a Wastrel for Stumping You" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his wrist began to soften and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge valuable jar of olives floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
William was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Egyptology class. His wrist was still softening, but he got out of the Jaguar and sneaked tearfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an unkempt creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fawn and a pepper grinder. It had two chocolate brown eyes in its lung. "Tagevetoo glimolekoot agepook, carydub no dooslany, tabakok haglop," the creature said.
"Good gravy," William said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Nuke apple tree hacksaw noodles Sham-Wow! look puzzled to mountaintop," the thing pointed out.
"Scat. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lebehuka pipe wrojynegog."
"Why don't you take your pipe and shove it in your nostril?" William retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Cojoyodoo flatydynob enoobal, tisooluk," it jeered. "Kywrocon!" it continued.
"Your face is a kywrocon!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, enthusiastic creature; he was feeling unusually modest. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or landscaper. If he had been carrying a can opener, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bowe will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and expectorated. Then it rose up on its valuable legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and marched solemnly toward him.
For the first time, William had the urge to run, but his thigh was blossoming and his legs refused to move.
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