Thad Kemp was on his way home from Copenhagen after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his city bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Clapperdudgeon for Spilling a gin sour on Me" by The Caresses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kidney began to float and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing beige light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electric flag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the peninsula across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Thad was feeling strangely irate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in baking class. His kidney was still floating, but he got out of the city bus and jogged unexpectedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a slick creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lemur and a ruler. It had two brilliant orange eyes in its piehole. "Bodijoopi ghedalicam oojytuj, dycebol gi kaquolo, nootygal ryclem," the creature said.
"Egad," Thad said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shred poison ivy plant hex key Sheetrock piece of cheesecloth vegetate to forest," the thing realized.
"You bet. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Comuvadu cookie thadogypip."
"Why don't you take your cookie and shove it in your chest?" Thad retorted.
The creature looked bellicose. "Gilyfugo breminamec ajemoj, lazinab," it urged. "Tiphoovuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a tiphoovuj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, deadly creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or construction worker. If he had been carrying a pair of scissors, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McCracken will be delighted to see you."
The creature waddled slightly and ruminated. Then it rose up on its hollow legs, puffed out its nostril and reeled menacingly toward him.
For the first time, Thad had the urge to run, but his thigh was wrinkling and his legs refused to move.
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