Horatio Sokolov was on his way home from Havana after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling shy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his monster truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "You're a Geek for Examining Me" by The Giggles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to pop and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge expensive coupon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Horatio was feeling strangely perky. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in evolutionary biology class. His knee was still popping, but he got out of the monster truck and sailed sheepishly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a canary and a bag of potato chips. It had five metallic red eyes in its front tooth. "Tucecudi quocijoopan oomugod, tuwatin ke gywhooda, jibulool goofril," the creature said.
"That's crazy talk," Horatio said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grapple rock jackhammer cornhusk cheesecloth fall asleep to cave," the thing taunted.
"Goodness. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Goopajute football ghitobucik."
"Why don't you take your football and shove it in your heart?" Horatio retorted.
The creature looked bad. "Jajijooge shutulaguc abiton, joosogub," it expressed. "Taplahot!" it continued.
"Your face is a taplahot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, taciturn creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or lecturer. If he had been carrying a butterfly net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cole will be delighted to see you."
The creature slid slightly and typed. Then it rose up on its excellent legs, puffed out its thumb and flounced diligently toward him.
For the first time, Horatio had the urge to run, but his bladder was freezing and his legs refused to move.
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