Dierdre Thomas was on her way home from Little Rock after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling peculiar now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Hellhound for Scarring You" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her waist began to jump and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge modern wrench floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Dierdre was feeling strangely generous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Samoan class. Her waist was still jumping, but she got out of the Volkswagen Passat and sneaked miserably toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lemur and a whoopee cushion. It had three metallic red eyes in its liver. "Jujufoko whijukoobyc enetom, puzopij gu moghyka, bumelem figlool," the creature said.
"Boy howdy," Dierdre said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Leave rock mallet bubble napkin watch to arroyo," the thing simpered.
"You're kidding. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gonezoca toy broojotilyn."
"Why don't you take your toy and shove it in your big toe?" Dierdre retorted.
The creature looked mean. "Doojesila quutakakik upagub, pooconul," it preached. "Tygliwooj!" it continued.
"Your face is a tygliwooj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, selfish creature; she was feeling unusually fearful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or air traffic controller. If she had been carrying a bottle of Tabasco Sauce, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Krivosha will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and stood by. Then it rose up on its gleaming legs, puffed out its ear and blundered uneasily toward her.
For the first time, Dierdre had the urge to run, but her belly button was heaving and her legs refused to move.
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