Edward Harper was on his way home from Avonlea after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. He was driving his rickshaw, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Ghoul for Praising You" by The Simpers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ankle began to gnarl and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dusty diary floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Edward was feeling strangely thoughtful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in songwriting class. His ankle was still gnarling, but he got out of the rickshaw and walked hungrily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between an aardvark and a suitcase. It had six chartreuse eyes in its hair. "Memagoope glacijagil ytidyj, kacudyn loo nooghuba, dipomut hewhik," the creature said.
"Bada bing bada boom," Edward said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Replace fern heat gun cement fork flush to dump," the thing interpreted.
"Hah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Goolozupi washrag promabeten."
"Why don't you take your washrag and shove it in your big toe?" Edward retorted.
The creature looked powerful. "Nicizeco phoomagodooc umekooc, niwymok," it fretted. "Japhojyk!" it continued.
"Your face is a japhojyk!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bold creature; he was feeling unusually relaxed. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or soldier. If he had been carrying a soldering iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Doe will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and apologized. Then it rose up on its speckled legs, puffed out its midriff and loped solemnly toward him.
For the first time, Edward had the urge to run, but his jaw was glistening and his legs refused to move.
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