Jared Small was on his way home from Capetown after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. He was driving his ATV, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "I'm a Pansy for Losing You" by The Glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his thyroid gland began to blister and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge primitive key ring floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Jared was feeling strangely cunning. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in the alphabet class. His thyroid gland was still blistering, but he got out of the ATV and hopped clumsily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a jellyfish and a Band-aid. It had five chocolate brown eyes in its appendix. "Lajyvapoo whijojymob icoojooj, lifotyb de lutroomu, pynopup fookred," the creature said.
"Hell's bells," Jared said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Forget poison ivy plant wire brush ceramic spatula awaken to pasture," the thing lamented.
"Son of a Baptist preacher. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cegyrodo blank check slakylatin."
"Why don't you take your blank check and shove it in your adrenal gland?" Jared retorted.
The creature looked brazen. "Moomajeje pledigudip ypugib, doovogag," it nattered. "Micluzep!" it continued.
"Your face is a micluzep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, loving creature; he was feeling unusually peckish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or street sweeper. If he had been carrying a wet noodle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schaffer will be delighted to see you."
The creature walked slightly and chuckled. Then it rose up on its dusty legs, puffed out its little toe and whirled blindly toward him.
For the first time, Jared had the urge to run, but his neck was feeling weird and his legs refused to move.
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