Coleen Hyde was on her way home from Nairobi after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling angry now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Volkswagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm a Chowderhead for Ridiculing You" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her neck began to twinkle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge curved doll floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Coleen was feeling strangely cunning. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in meteorology class. Her neck was still twinkling, but she got out of the Volkswagon and dove primly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cheetah and a can of soup. It had five red eyes in its belly button. "Nitoovooto chugocogit oodemop, pycucej na doopheba, moomocoom yothud," the creature said.
"Suffering sassafras," Coleen said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lose acorn powder puff burlap chopstick pace to pond," the thing agreed.
"Silence. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coodyvaloo pigeon drolemabac."
"Why don't you take your pigeon and shove it in your shin?" Coleen retorted.
The creature looked cocky. "Jukuyoopi ghoodanocan ilotuj, gywujaj," it expressed. "Lacloofoj!" it continued.
"Your face is a lacloofoj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, self-confident creature; she was feeling unusually amiable. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or philatelist. If she had been carrying a can of pepper spray, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kaiser will be delighted to see you."
The creature waded slightly and yelled. Then it rose up on its polka-dotted legs, puffed out its stomach and tumbled viciously toward her.
For the first time, Coleen had the urge to run, but her thorax was crumbling and her legs refused to move.
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