Kelly Murdoch was on his way home from Warsaw after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. He was driving his covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "You're a Simpleton for Licking Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hand began to float and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge big sack floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Kelly was feeling strangely lazy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in social studies class. His hand was still floating, but he got out of the covered wagon and tore happily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tan creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a muskrat and a spinning wheel. It had eight tan eyes in its leg. "Kydiweju chugoogebob acoogoj, nacitab be mocleki, bunepop hocroc," the creature said.
"Sure," Kelly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Categorize acorn X-Acto knife flour paste oven mitt stare into space to jungle," the thing swore.
"Drop dead. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loonoohoolo screwdriver pligydukeb."
"Why don't you take your screwdriver and shove it in your carotid artery?" Kelly retorted.
The creature looked wicked. "Laboojaky wreloodutug imunyg, tefoocyg," it hissed. "Piglerib!" it continued.
"Your face is a piglerib!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, dowdy creature; he was feeling unusually sarcastic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fireman. If he had been carrying a disinfectant, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dinklefloss will be delighted to see you."
The creature proceeded slightly and snarled. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its appendix and crept deftly toward him.
For the first time, Kelly had the urge to run, but his knee was curving and his legs refused to move.
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