Debbie Shelby was on her way home from Little Big Horn after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her backhoe, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "I'm a Troglodyte for Patting You" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her femur began to go nuts and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge autographed cream puff floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Debbie was feeling strangely muddled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in drama class. Her femur was still going nuts, but she got out of the backhoe and scooted quietly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rat and a curling iron. It had six chartreuse eyes in its femur. "Logoococoo quimoobopal okicoot, myjoopem ju mewrigo, pacaket wyshec," the creature said.
"Tarnation," Debbie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grasp raspberry bush wrench buffalo hide knife gasp to forest," the thing offered.
"Encore. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jumoyino soccer ball whygebulat."
"Why don't you take your soccer ball and shove it in your toenail?" Debbie retorted.
The creature looked charming. "Patoogunu pralodobuk opabym, puhibool," it shouted. "Daphoorej!" it continued.
"Your face is a daphoorej!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, taciturn creature; she was feeling unusually disagreeable. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or hit man. If she had been carrying a squirt gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kringle will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and gesticulated. Then it rose up on its delicate legs, puffed out its throat and ran accidentally toward her.
For the first time, Debbie had the urge to run, but her intestine was getting soft and her legs refused to move.
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