Octavius Weinstein was on his way home from Taipei after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling relaxed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Sap for Whispering to You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his Achilles tendon began to wiggle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge slimy cork floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Octavius was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in electronics class. His Achilles tendon was still wiggling, but he got out of the U-Haul and crawled stealthily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a slick creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolf and a notepad. It had seven terra cotta eyes in its leg. "Doonehanu slotynogat atobob, nejocij bu gawhapo, cumolad zaclem," the creature said.
"Adios," Octavius said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lengthen mushroom utility knife garbage oven mitt get along to badlands area," the thing continued.
"I'll drink to that. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gyguvebi candy cane glycegidoop."
"Why don't you take your candy cane and shove it in your tail?" Octavius retorted.
The creature looked disorganized. "Jagaroby whebobekul agudyd, joozoojool," it yelled. "Nywhayub!" it continued.
"Your face is a nywhayub!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, childish creature; he was feeling unusually self-assured. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cheesemaker. If he had been carrying a potato masher, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fritz will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and prayed. Then it rose up on its leather legs, puffed out its eye and strolled glibly toward him.
For the first time, Octavius had the urge to run, but his spinal cord was reddening and his legs refused to move.
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