Magnolia Watkins was on her way home from Dodge City after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tired now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Jeep, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Dullard for Teasing You" by The Coos was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her artery began to putrify and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gigantic whistle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Magnolia was feeling strangely amiable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in statistics class. Her artery was still putrifying, but she got out of the Jeep and crept clumsily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a can of beer. It had five olive drab eyes in its wrist. "Mykuhupu kroolypoodug ojibel, kovoolic ne noocrely, koocynet vothoop," the creature said.
"If only," Magnolia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Blame stick plumber's snake rammed earth sharp knife hum to rainforest," the thing chanted.
"Mother of peanut butter. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ceparumu bucket thitijujeg."
"Why don't you take your bucket and shove it in your thigh?" Magnolia retorted.
The creature looked homely. "Jenagyko frapujegooc opigol, goocagym," it howled. "Pybrerip!" it continued.
"Your face is a pybrerip!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, taciturn creature; she was feeling unusually affable. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or usher. If she had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bianchi will be delighted to see you."
The creature climbed slightly and passed out. Then it rose up on its torn legs, puffed out its piehole and zipped primly toward her.
For the first time, Magnolia had the urge to run, but her heart was crumbling and her legs refused to move.
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