Clem Van Bloom was on his way home from Hialeah after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Alfa Romeo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "You're a Devil for Writing Me" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his carotid artery began to turn blue and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled coin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Clem was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in agriculture class. His carotid artery was still turning blue, but he got out of the Alfa Romeo and lumbered temperamentally toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was terra cotta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hippopotamus and a box of Kleenex. It had six olive green eyes in its piehole. "Gyjuzygy whanoododon igoocal, kyceneg lo gyquady, tulutap vubrod," the creature said.
"Hush," Clem said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Engrave mulberry tree crowbar block of ice egg cutter mutter to valley," the thing whispered.
"Oh well. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cenuyoona yo-yo wrapokocip."
"Why don't you take your yo-yo and shove it in your back?" Clem retorted.
The creature looked bad. "Gibozaje trilapakun ulegooc, mosenyn," it blurted. "Mawhiyyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a mawhiyyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cowardly creature; he was feeling unusually maniacal. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or woodcarver. If he had been carrying a sling, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Van Veen will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and dawdled. Then it rose up on its leather legs, puffed out its femur and zoomed deliberately toward him.
For the first time, Clem had the urge to run, but his brain was undulating and his legs refused to move.
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