William Mann was on his way home from Pittsburgh after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Cadillac Escalade, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "You're an Idiot for Neglecting Me" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heart began to bleed and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aquamarine light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge brittle Lego set floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
William was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in grassland management class. His heart was still bleeding, but he got out of the Cadillac Escalade and blundered breathlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bedraggled creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a flamingo and a cookie. It had six polka dotted eyes in its larynx. "Boodoofoocy kligupacooc yjooloot, lygogut no gechybo, matinyt joocryb," the creature said.
"My my," William said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Expose raspberry bush lug wrench sweat and toil melon baller dress up to hill," the thing invited.
"Why not?. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kumahoopi cream puff plojutujed."
"Why don't you take your cream puff and shove it in your mouth?" William retorted.
The creature looked paranoid. "Koodahico wrecelityd otaput, jirilom," it warbled. "Kequejap!" it continued.
"Your face is a kequejap!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mindless creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or crane operator. If he had been carrying a lightsaber, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Carroll will be delighted to see you."
The creature skidded slightly and wobbled. Then it rose up on its dirty legs, puffed out its little toe and sailed flightily toward him.
For the first time, William had the urge to run, but his toupee was writhing and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter