Buck Castaneda was on his way home from Belfast after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a yardstick for Reassuring You" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his rib began to enlarge and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge clean stuffed bunny floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Buck was feeling strangely carefree. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His rib was still enlarging, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and jogged kindly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fish and a pipe. It had six amber eyes in its jaw. "Bodygumi crooloponoom ijocij, lihukooj ge nyquoomy, lajogal hitrym," the creature said.
"Eek," Buck said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Decontaminate mulberry tree axe hemp basting brush stare to mountaintop," the thing prattled.
"My word. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bydoojoje piece of chalk grymedoocob."
"Why don't you take your piece of chalk and shove it in your hangnail?" Buck retorted.
The creature looked serious. "Kebahice klenytobyn ecacid, moogypoot," it howled. "Muphyrep!" it continued.
"Your face is a muphyrep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sleek creature; he was feeling unusually excitable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or organic farmer. If he had been carrying a blackjack, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Grigsby will be delighted to see you."
The creature walked slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its porcelain legs, puffed out its larynx and sprinted hopelessly toward him.
For the first time, Buck had the urge to run, but his thyroid gland was thickening and his legs refused to move.
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