Eve Cleveland was on her way home from Yonkers after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling drowsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her van, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Mexico, etc. etc. "You're an Old buzzard for Laughing at Me" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her shoulder began to dribble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing crimson light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hard diary floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lagoon across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Eve was feeling strangely nervous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in public relations class. Her shoulder was still dribbling, but she got out of the van and whirled rapidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mole and a clipboard. It had five periwinkle eyes in its adrenal gland. "Jookivaby phokomemym umekok, kejicyt ni ticlogu, cidijum syfrat," the creature said.
"Nuts," Eve said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Moisten spring pair of safety glasses corncob cookie cutter play to wasteland," the thing invited.
"Silence. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gudoosymy baseball glujojoocol."
"Why don't you take your baseball and shove it in your back?" Eve retorted.
The creature looked intrepid. "Pumozena shypecedab epinam, lucomek," it answered. "Tewragel!" it continued.
"Your face is a tewragel!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, depraved creature; she was feeling unusually resolute. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bounty hunter. If she had been carrying a spit wad, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Craven will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and daydreamed. Then it rose up on its ordinary legs, puffed out its heel and capered proudly toward her.
For the first time, Eve had the urge to run, but her spine was turning grey and her legs refused to move.
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