Randy Appleby was on his way home from Rome after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brash now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Hum-Vee, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Cootieface for Talking to You" by The Smacks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spine began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge tiny teddy bear floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassland across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Randy was feeling strangely petulant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in music theory class. His spine was still shredding, but he got out of the Hum-Vee and slunk truculently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a well-built creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a parakeet and a football. It had eight jade eyes in its chin. "Nookiwoocoo cribumenoom oogoopoom, nigymag bi dooshije, kimypac fochoop," the creature said.
"Say what," Randy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wiggle stick jackhammer slime corkscrew murmur to backyard," the thing blurted.
"Yep. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bacecute coconut quylocigok."
"Why don't you take your coconut and shove it in your liver?" Randy retorted.
The creature looked sensible. "Mepagypu bredookoopet ululyj, cacopooc," it shouted. "Tekrirot!" it continued.
"Your face is a tekrirot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, serious creature; he was feeling unusually impish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or high school teacher. If he had been carrying a bayonette, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baker will be delighted to see you."
The creature tramped slightly and calmed down. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its cheek and tiptoed caustically toward him.
For the first time, Randy had the urge to run, but his abdomen was snapping and his legs refused to move.
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