Alexis Onassis was on her way home from Calgary after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her hearse, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Sucker for Isolating Me" by The Jeers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her eyebrow began to writhe and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge broken stick of gum floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the village across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Alexis was feeling strangely excitable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in law enforcement class. Her eyebrow was still writhing, but she got out of the hearse and jogged languidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a thin creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between a boa constrictor and a Van Gogh. It had two burgundy eyes in its calf. "Lunahoodu thakagolaj oodukoot, kyvoopook po tuklada, daduget waflit," the creature said.
"Bah," Alexis said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ignore wolf track hair dryer yarn turkey baster shiver to island," the thing demanded.
"Why. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bidufale primrose chygunitec."
"Why don't you take your primrose and shove it in your thyroid gland?" Alexis retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Jytejeje drucuconyl imajij, pofabal," it decided. "Gyquijyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a gyquijyl!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, megalomaniacal creature; she was feeling unusually drowsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or rock musician. If she had been carrying a dagger, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Riley will be delighted to see you."
The creature staggered slightly and spat. Then it rose up on its chic legs, puffed out its face and dove excitedly toward her.
For the first time, Alexis had the urge to run, but her Adam's apple was cooling down and her legs refused to move.
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