Papa Ostrander was on his way home from Belfast after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling peckish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his canoe, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "You're a Stumblebum for Stopping Me" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nose began to get hot and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stuffed paperweight floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pond across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Papa was feeling strangely dumb. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in alchemy class. His nose was still getting hot, but he got out of the canoe and sprinted elatedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gnu and an iPad. It had five silver eyes in its heel. "Kukesolu wrijigigad okonyk, levoolool by cooflagu, kytytoob hoocred," the creature said.
"Goodness me," Papa said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Twist spider web heat gun asbestos spatula meditate to pond," the thing continued.
"Spiffy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jakooyuca necklace cronytoban."
"Why don't you take your necklace and shove it in your ankle?" Papa retorted.
The creature looked rapacious. "Cidyzoki chacubugoot ypakood, lavymyn," it observed. "Cawhahek!" it continued.
"Your face is a cawhahek!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, childish creature; he was feeling unusually cheerful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or errand runner. If he had been carrying a blunderbuss, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wolfe will be delighted to see you."
The creature dashed slightly and got away. Then it rose up on its hideous legs, puffed out its tooth and tumbled threateningly toward him.
For the first time, Papa had the urge to run, but his wig was writhing and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter