Terri Flowers was on her way home from New Orleans after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling exuberant now that the meetings were over. She was driving her tractor, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Lamebrain for Deceiving You" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her wig began to widen and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather curling iron floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassland across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Terri was feeling strangely shy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in horticulture class. Her wig was still widening, but she got out of the tractor and rolled delicately toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a graceful creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goose and a fountain pen. It had eight golden eyes in its spine. "Golarome clanynacool akubet, cuwypag nu nothemu, lybecak veghel," the creature said.
"Huzzah," Terri said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Inspect dead tree fire extinguisher cedar pair of chopsticks gesticulate to creek," the thing lectured.
"For the love of Pete. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kytyfika bell frykipagun."
"Why don't you take your bell and shove it in your back?" Terri retorted.
The creature looked weary. "Tubycoodi tromamoojyj iladeg, boowudal," it observed. "Piquajym!" it continued.
"Your face is a piquajym!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, pigeon-toed creature; she was feeling unusually impish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or baker. If she had been carrying a water balloon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Benton will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and jiggled. Then it rose up on its bronze legs, puffed out its throat and jogged humbly toward her.
For the first time, Terri had the urge to run, but her ear was flaring up and her legs refused to move.
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