Harriet McCracken was on her way home from Manhattan after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Abrams M1 tank, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Laggard for Reassuring Me" by The Squints was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her throat began to quiver and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smumpy cupcake floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Harriet was feeling strangely pensive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in social studies class. Her throat was still quivering, but she got out of the Abrams M1 tank and climbed effortlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ostrich and a basketball. It had seven mauve eyes in its beard. "Bagiyeto quidoogebid ipaboom, diricoj na goofloopa, dycodeg vycrik," the creature said.
"Oh my," Harriet said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hoist cactus love meter cane oven mitt gasp to oasis," the thing gabbed.
"Bless you. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Takufike knitting needle tralalutip."
"Why don't you take your knitting needle and shove it in your knee?" Harriet retorted.
The creature looked intense. "Pootysoome whanijootaj oboopook, goovuleg," it said. "Pooplejac!" it continued.
"Your face is a pooplejac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, daring creature; she was feeling unusually modest. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or prosecutor. If she had been carrying a lance, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Benishek will be delighted to see you."
The creature dashed slightly and gazed. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its arm and ambled crossly toward her.
For the first time, Harriet had the urge to run, but her arm was quaking and her legs refused to move.
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