Zeke Coons was on his way home from Chicago after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "You're a Cootieface for Killing Me" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tooth began to cool down and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing periwinkle light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge porcelain peace pipe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the swamp across the road, then easily descended to the ground.
Zeke was feeling strangely modest. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in photography class. His tooth was still cooling down, but he got out of the U-Haul and paraded sagely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dark creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a camel and a bird feeder. It had seven tan eyes in its nose. "Maguhype chudupinoop ookomat, pezemom be caplale, jopabyn yughyt," the creature said.
"Ay caramba," Zeke said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reconsider cactus blow torch Formica knife nod to pasture," the thing groaned.
"At last. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lujoozinu iPod chojoojecib."
"Why don't you take your iPod and shove it in your tongue?" Zeke retorted.
The creature looked evil. "Mytaciky flepebucem onamag, kiwoomooj," it worried. "Cichefuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a cichefuj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, blubbery creature; he was feeling unusually cuddly. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or novelist. If he had been carrying a ghetto blaster, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McCracken will be delighted to see you."
The creature sallied forth slightly and sniffled. Then it rose up on its flexible legs, puffed out its larynx and dove firmly toward him.
For the first time, Zeke had the urge to run, but his shin was hardening and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter