Konstanze Worm was on her way home from Washington after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Prius, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Blatherskite for Chasing You" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her abdomen began to melt and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge wet book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Konstanze was feeling strangely shy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in biology class. Her abdomen was still melting, but she got out of the Prius and hobbled roughly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buffalo and a baby doll. It had three peach eyes in its carotid artery. "Pujoozoje flotootoobaj ugibij, luficyb je gyfrygu, metadun vuplym," the creature said.
"Holy frijole," Konstanze said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hit mulberry tree protractor gravel garlic press rest to arroyo," the thing spoke up.
"Buzzards. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Migywupy contract prylolomuj."
"Why don't you take your contract and shove it in your jaw?" Konstanze retorted.
The creature looked sinister. "Didacogu tramoonibap inypig, ciwoogyc," it yawned. "Kyquecan!" it continued.
"Your face is a kyquecan!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, shifty creature; she was feeling unusually daring. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or Internet celebrity. If she had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brooks will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and sneezed. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its stomach and ambled sympathetically toward her.
For the first time, Konstanze had the urge to run, but her finger was smelling bad and her legs refused to move.
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