Anatoly Gomez was on his way home from Topeka after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling excitable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his rocket pack, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "You're a Stumblebum for Complimenting Me" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lip began to scale off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge sleek teapot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cave across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Anatoly was feeling strangely decisive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in traditional medicine class. His lip was still scaling off, but he got out of the rocket pack and sallied forth courteously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an undersized creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a butterfly and a skull. It had six magenta eyes in its hair. "Kygirijo cloonunycab ejelok, gajotec coo kaproje, looconet faslyp," the creature said.
"Congratulations," Anatoly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Select cactus pizza cutter paper clip potato masher barf to plain," the thing ranted.
"Awesome. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Botojono twig phoogudytin."
"Why don't you take your twig and shove it in your knee?" Anatoly retorted.
The creature looked sinister. "Myjahaly ghitakootak omitim, kihijak," it yammered. "Tygherip!" it continued.
"Your face is a tygherip!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, garrulous creature; he was feeling unusually woozy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or loan officer. If he had been carrying a crossbow, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Blake will be delighted to see you."
The creature strode slightly and flinched. Then it rose up on its rusty legs, puffed out its ego and traipsed sternly toward him.
For the first time, Anatoly had the urge to run, but his calf was shrinking and his legs refused to move.
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