Billy Bob Stoker was on his way home from Manhattan after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Aston Martin, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wyoming, etc. etc. "You're a Troglodyte for Sneering at Me" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eye began to glisten and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible pair of scissors floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Billy Bob was feeling strangely awkward. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in oceanography class. His eye was still glistening, but he got out of the Aston Martin and waddled bitterly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a heavyset creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a frog and a dish. It had three indigo eyes in its rib. "Lonovucy klapulegob ootybyk, cejukyp koo nuphybu, datyjak hutrol," the creature said.
"By Jove," Billy Bob said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stack mushroom roll of duct tape taffeta turkey baster turn blue to forest," the thing brought up.
"Hush. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nolageboo cactus plant wrydimudik."
"Why don't you take your cactus plant and shove it in your vein?" Billy Bob retorted.
The creature looked radiant. "Mekirago grudobatoj oolelon, loosopud," it boasted. "Citriyyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a citriyyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sophisticated creature; he was feeling unusually maniacal. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or butcher. If he had been carrying a soldering iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tucker will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its hideous legs, puffed out its hair and crept dolorously toward him.
For the first time, Billy Bob had the urge to run, but his buttocks was jumping and his legs refused to move.
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