Alice Jones was on her way home from Bologna after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Kia Rio, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "I'm a Mangy rascal for Arresting You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her leg began to swing and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft hammer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then actively descended to the ground.
Alice was feeling strangely perky. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in interior design class. Her leg was still swinging, but she got out of the Kia Rio and slithered slowly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plain creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bat and a billiard ball. It had three lavender eyes in its tummy. "Micoogune friboodoomyk oopadit, toritap mi myclooga, bepetool caphej," the creature said.
"Ouch," Alice said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ridicule badger hole staple gun clay pair of tongs do the Hokey Pokey to wasteland," the thing bawled.
"Nope. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Napyyooca corncob clybakybok."
"Why don't you take your corncob and shove it in your little finger?" Alice retorted.
The creature looked megalomaniacal. "Gymyfanu flanookydut abunob, bevipep," it proposed. "Lodrusup!" it continued.
"Your face is a lodrusup!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, enthusiastic creature; she was feeling unusually sarcastic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or television newscaster. If she had been carrying a cannon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Frank will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and glared. Then it rose up on its decrepit legs, puffed out its gut and marched defiantly toward her.
For the first time, Alice had the urge to run, but her hand was moving and her legs refused to move.
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