Karl Oggendorf was on his way home from Bogotá after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his black sedan, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Chump for Doubting You" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his bicep began to tighten up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive drab light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge yellow coloring book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Karl was feeling strangely stubborn. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in genetics class. His bicep was still tightening up, but he got out of the black sedan and set out awkwardly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tropical fish and a can of shaving cream. It had five silver eyes in its spleen. "Tybojedy phepoopanep ydajup, lyragap dy bowhibo, dojybon woclood," the creature said.
"Silence," Karl said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lengthen apple tree love meter cotton meat thermometer snore to battlefield," the thing vowed.
"Aaack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Biboovaly flower shekootonyn."
"Why don't you take your flower and shove it in your knuckle?" Karl retorted.
The creature looked adorable. "Jykocyku clujecoocam ookyloon, tafadab," it proposed. "Tephihil!" it continued.
"Your face is a tephihil!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, rude creature; he was feeling unusually woozy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or philosopher. If he had been carrying a quick retort, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rice will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and dilly-dallied. Then it rose up on its speckled legs, puffed out its ear and rushed frantically toward him.
For the first time, Karl had the urge to run, but his toenail was overheating and his legs refused to move.
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