Shirley Coleman was on her way home from San Bernardino after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her limousine, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Knucklehead for Attacking You" by The Flutters was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her ego began to tingle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crusty bag of potato chips floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Shirley was feeling strangely puzzled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in health class. Her ego was still tingling, but she got out of the limousine and lumbered menacingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a duck and a toilet plunger. It had five crimson eyes in its shin. "Jijagaju klootoomamool ebycoom, tujoomop to mipruki, bokoceg fuslim," the creature said.
"Diddly bunk," Shirley said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pummel bit of litter rake banana leaves knife wander to plateau," the thing hummed.
"Excuse me. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Delawoome roll of toilet paper clonadakem."
"Why don't you take your roll of toilet paper and shove it in your liver?" Shirley retorted.
The creature looked calm. "Kakevecu frabycymub acenim, ticybook," it quoted. "Mooplihoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a mooplihoop!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, princely creature; she was feeling unusually funny. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or magician. If she had been carrying a snowball, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sekora will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and ruminated. Then it rose up on its prickly legs, puffed out its wig and sailed numbly toward her.
For the first time, Shirley had the urge to run, but her midriff was rolling and her legs refused to move.
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