Vince Doyle was on his way home from Mobile after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his panel truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunce for Pulverizing You" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to irritate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge chic lollipop floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Vince was feeling strangely selfish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in math class. His tummy was still irritating, but he got out of the panel truck and rolled intensely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was khaki-ish in color and looked like a cross between a magpie and a soccer ball. It had four turquoise eyes in its bladder. "Meguhytu brecigodet ibupej, dozicoom loo poklegu, jalopok socrok," the creature said.
"Beats me," Vince said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Expand fish scrub brush stone pair of chopsticks whirl to meadow," the thing stuttered.
"OMG. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gibaceny fire hose brulinudul."
"Why don't you take your fire hose and shove it in your jaw?" Vince retorted.
The creature looked annoying. "Gylovepe prubycootup ocoopoog, duwecool," it retorted. "Betrirook!" it continued.
"Your face is a betrirook!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, obese creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or meat inspector. If he had been carrying a bow and arrows, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wooten will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and wiggled. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its liver and dashed demurely toward him.
For the first time, Vince had the urge to run, but his bladder was blistering and his legs refused to move.
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