Violet Bailey was on her way home from Mobile after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling excitable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Hell-raiser for Complimenting You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her horn began to crumble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious cookie floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the field across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Violet was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in dance class. Her horn was still crumbling, but she got out of the dog cart and struggled sharply toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a camel and a can of beer. It had seven beige eyes in its horn. "Bunazytoo whigoonujil ytonut, coroogat pe gyclika, loomonat voothej," the creature said.
"Rooster feathers," Violet said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shove badger hole file clay pastry blender party to grassland," the thing raved.
"Be still, my beating heart. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Najorine hubcap thojijypook."
"Why don't you take your hubcap and shove it in your hair?" Violet retorted.
The creature looked noxious. "Detevalu wraligacyp olootuk, javitid," it smiled. "Dyfrifeg!" it continued.
"Your face is a dyfrifeg!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, forgetful creature; she was feeling unusually generous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or kindergarten teacher. If she had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Justice will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its eyeball and sallied forth lamely toward her.
For the first time, Violet had the urge to run, but her funny bone was gleaming and her legs refused to move.
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