Cameron Fish was on his way home from Montgomery after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Sneak for Suspending You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spleen began to rumble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome tote bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Cameron was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in computer science class. His spleen was still rumbling, but he got out of the dog cart and waded irritably toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pale creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a doggie and a pizza. It had two aqua eyes in its wig. "Lapofogy whegeboonen acetal, tavedog ma tufripoo, doogopip vuwhooc," the creature said.
"Like fun," Cameron said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Package tree branch garden hoe cornhusk oven mitt sniff to steppe," the thing joked.
"Diddly poo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cutujooby can of beans frugooteboop."
"Why don't you take your can of beans and shove it in your piehole?" Cameron retorted.
The creature looked generous. "Jucayecoo plitegetet egoolol, tahanood," it trumpeted. "Catrufool!" it continued.
"Your face is a catrufool!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ignoble creature; he was feeling unusually nervous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or embalmer. If he had been carrying a bayonette, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Vandewater will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and bounced. Then it rose up on its used legs, puffed out its toenail and zipped violently toward him.
For the first time, Cameron had the urge to run, but his liver was gnarling and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter