Carol Norman was on her way home from Alexandria after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Yugo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "You're an Imposter for Trusting Me" by The Cringes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to thicken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge amazing coffee pot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Carol was feeling strangely generous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in potty training class. Her piehole was still thickening, but she got out of the Yugo and rushed brightly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between a turtle and an iPad. It had two olive drab eyes in its esophagus. "Gagahela trepitubag ylatap, joozined ly nadroocy, tikidig wafrek," the creature said.
"There-there," Carol said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Gold plate flower laser beam Elmer's glue potato peeler cringe to housing development," the thing breathed.
"Nuts. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tanuceby powder puff flyjyjujoog."
"Why don't you take your powder puff and shove it in your tail?" Carol retorted.
The creature looked clever. "Balifugy chocobujun imobaj, nuwipik," it requested. "Cuchehet!" it continued.
"Your face is a cuchehet!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cute creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or lecturer. If she had been carrying a spit wad, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Normal will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and wobbled. Then it rose up on its mechanical legs, puffed out its ego and hobbled ruefully toward her.
For the first time, Carol had the urge to run, but her intestine was bulging and her legs refused to move.
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