Dick Berry was on his way home from Montreal after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling relaxed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his moped, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "You're a Bonehead for Studying Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toupee began to get emotional and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge old pickle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Dick was feeling strangely frantic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in ABCs class. His toupee was still getting emotional, but he got out of the moped and barrelled deftly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was periwinkle-ish in color and looked like a cross between a basset hound and a dollhouse. It had eight brown eyes in its eyelid. "Jyjoojele sheponubap obumyt, tuwoopon ty kofleje, najopal figryj," the creature said.
"Man alive," Dick said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Analyze mushroom love meter jewel wooden spoon sit still to jungle," the thing recited.
"Hush. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jynygoomi suitcase frikacoleb."
"Why don't you take your suitcase and shove it in your toupee?" Dick retorted.
The creature looked nonchalant. "Latifonu quycykoojin ytapoob, pyruged," it cackled. "Loowhyzej!" it continued.
"Your face is a loowhyzej!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mournful creature; he was feeling unusually timid. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or exterminator. If he had been carrying a disarming smile, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Seymour will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and scratched. Then it rose up on its rigid legs, puffed out its scalp and slipped unabashedly toward him.
For the first time, Dick had the urge to run, but his calf was going to pieces and his legs refused to move.
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