Pablo Goodman was on his way home from Budapest after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his perambulator, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "You're a Bonehead for Soothing Me" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knuckle began to putrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge valuable coat check ticket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Pablo was feeling strangely peculiar. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in scuba diving class. His knuckle was still putrifying, but he got out of the perambulator and slunk awkwardly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frizzle-headed creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hog and a necklace. It had six green eyes in its aorta. "Jipeyoojy thejugidin opecoot, newujil ma liclygoo, tejulek yephij," the creature said.
"Good gravy," Pablo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Polish fallen tree squeegee stucco pair of chopsticks wince to park," the thing remarked.
"Moo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Napacite peace pipe thoopatonac."
"Why don't you take your peace pipe and shove it in your heel?" Pablo retorted.
The creature looked cautious. "Kyjayibu quetinepip ycygyp, bowutap," it reminded. "Japrosal!" it continued.
"Your face is a japrosal!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, earnest creature; he was feeling unusually thoughtful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or tennis player. If he had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gomez will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and snuffled. Then it rose up on its gaudy legs, puffed out its Adam's apple and waltzed wildly toward him.
For the first time, Pablo had the urge to run, but his calf was aggravating and his legs refused to move.
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