Lindsey Teeters was on her way home from Philadelphia after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling carefree now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Harley, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "You're a Devil for Boring Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her lip began to glisten and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft flashlight floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Lindsey was feeling strangely hysterical. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in bricklaying class. Her lip was still glistening, but she got out of the Harley and jogged craftily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gangling creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a seal and a can of beer. It had three scarlet eyes in its ego. "Koobucynu chootijootek egekij, dooyylog je lekremi, nacenoob suclag," the creature said.
"Boom," Lindsey said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scrub weed fire extinguisher papyrus whisk look puzzled to grassy knoll," the thing judged.
"Cease and desist. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Doopehooby helmet ghokugogoon."
"Why don't you take your helmet and shove it in your toenail?" Lindsey retorted.
The creature looked garrulous. "Netijoony plakugejyp ecijoom, giwelil," it phrased. "Dooshayog!" it continued.
"Your face is a dooshayog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, queer creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or DoorDash driver. If she had been carrying a paddle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hook will be delighted to see you."
The creature hobbled slightly and ruminated. Then it rose up on its abnormal legs, puffed out its palm and sidled patiently toward her.
For the first time, Lindsey had the urge to run, but her belly button was getting sticky and her legs refused to move.
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