Hephzibah Robinson was on her way home from Eau Claire after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Pinto, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arizona, etc. etc. "You're a Pigdog for Stumping Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her Achilles tendon began to dance and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gaudy coloring book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Hephzibah was feeling strangely fearless. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in scuba diving class. Her Achilles tendon was still dancing, but she got out of the Ford Pinto and bolted later toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plump creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a koala and a bedpan. It had eight green eyes in its buttocks. "Gatogooce plidipijic imiloj, lahobup ke nowhina, jibucoog yebryt," the creature said.
"Arrrgh," Hephzibah said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Develop egg shell lug wrench matchstick knife sway to landfill," the thing hollered.
"Shazam. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Conooyuca dog biscuit whocejoopek."
"Why don't you take your dog biscuit and shove it in your spleen?" Hephzibah retorted.
The creature looked obnoxious. "Tapuvoocu klootygedob yjybam, goowoopej," it observed. "Jasloyyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a jasloyyl!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, muscular creature; she was feeling unusually ambitious. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or innkeeper. If she had been carrying a dirk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Small will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and dithered. Then it rose up on its woven legs, puffed out its leg and ambled bravely toward her.
For the first time, Hephzibah had the urge to run, but her belly button was sinking and her legs refused to move.
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