Abraham Rutherford was on his way home from Pasadena after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling pensive now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Maxima, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "I'm a Shrew for Confronting You" by The Sneers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kneecap began to shrink and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge brightly-colored yo-yo floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Abraham was feeling strangely sober. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in drama class. His kneecap was still shrinking, but he got out of the Nissan Maxima and crawled glibly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dachshund and a paperclip. It had six polka dotted eyes in its esophagus. "Kokicoke frootoditod icejyj, noowidoc coo jaklatu, tycymun hooplum," the creature said.
"You're kidding," Abraham said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Guard tree branch glue gun manure egg cutter purr to backyard," the thing disputed.
"Glaack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jetigatu toilet seat brypynygok."
"Why don't you take your toilet seat and shove it in your pituitary gland?" Abraham retorted.
The creature looked sleepy. "Tenoohuby drapegidood atekum, kiyigud," it joked. "Dytroovab!" it continued.
"Your face is a dytroovab!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, beautiful creature; he was feeling unusually drowsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or programmer. If he had been carrying a sickle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dipko will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and squeaked. Then it rose up on its petite legs, puffed out its carotid artery and dove hopelessly toward him.
For the first time, Abraham had the urge to run, but his thumb was melting and his legs refused to move.
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