Upton McDiggles was on his way home from Dubai after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fiendish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his little red wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "I'm a Dodo for Arresting You" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his paw began to stiffen and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imitation shovel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Upton was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in business class. His paw was still stiffening, but he got out of the little red wagon and climbed tenderly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chipmunk and a smart phone. It had seven tan eyes in its antenna. "Tajoovoona croopoodykac etooboj, pycabel pe gichiby, coolymed coclul," the creature said.
"Criminy," Upton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Crack twig paintbrush glass bead egg cutter dream to meadow," the thing requested.
"Cease and desist. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bijezule baseball bat ploodacomep."
"Why don't you take your baseball bat and shove it in your beard?" Upton retorted.
The creature looked considerate. "Momoridi breteninec ocecym, berikit," it divulged. "Dugruzop!" it continued.
"Your face is a dugruzop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, statuesque creature; he was feeling unusually relaxed. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or Internet celebrity. If he had been carrying a machete, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wright will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and apologized. Then it rose up on its polka-dotted legs, puffed out its big toe and flew briskly toward him.
For the first time, Upton had the urge to run, but his adrenal gland was sinking and his legs refused to move.
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