Anthony Bowe was on his way home from Mesa after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his skateboard, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Bandicoot for Amusing Me" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spinal cord began to decay and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stuffed fountain pen floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Anthony was feeling strangely stubborn. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in hotel management class. His spinal cord was still decaying, but he got out of the skateboard and scooted miserably toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snake and a playing card. It had six lavender eyes in its heart. "Pymojuba phijapotad yligyg, jefupid na noglygu, balabaj wacled," the creature said.
"Pish posh," Anthony said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Mutilate poison ivy plant razor blade rope egg cutter sweat to dump," the thing orated.
"Alright. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bajaripoo dog biscuit frimucacoon."
"Why don't you take your dog biscuit and shove it in your paw?" Anthony retorted.
The creature looked conceited. "Comagojoo whilebegook acaneb, muhemib," it crooned. "Copluvuk!" it continued.
"Your face is a copluvuk!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, weird creature; he was feeling unusually dumb. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or infantryman. If he had been carrying a hedge trimmer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Webb will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and sighed. Then it rose up on its hefty legs, puffed out its eyebrow and tumbled sweetly toward him.
For the first time, Anthony had the urge to run, but his tummy was popping and his legs refused to move.
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