Doug Jones was on his way home from Rotterdam after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Alfa Romeo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Culprit for Overlooking You" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to ooze and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge unusual book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Doug was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Latin class. His skull was still oozing, but he got out of the Alfa Romeo and tore firmly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was hot pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a peacock and a padlock. It had two khaki eyes in its pancreas. "Deguzoobu gridakoojeb icoogoot, byhigeg too tagloopa, gydomeb yaprag," the creature said.
"Alrighty-roo," Doug said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unfasten bird's nest punch enamel pair of chopsticks relax to briar patch," the thing complained.
"Grrrrr. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dykiyyky fire hose ghytidinig."
"Why don't you take your fire hose and shove it in your scalp?" Doug retorted.
The creature looked masculine. "Bolevujo prokedoonyc ugytuc, pooconod," it continued. "Toogroorud!" it continued.
"Your face is a toogroorud!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mean creature; he was feeling unusually furious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or chimney sweep. If he had been carrying a cleaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ping will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its gleaming legs, puffed out its carotid artery and walked curiously toward him.
For the first time, Doug had the urge to run, but his pituitary gland was rising and his legs refused to move.
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