Kathy Oswald was on her way home from Taiwan after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Porsche, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm a Cream puff for Doubting You" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tummy began to feel funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damp advertisement floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Kathy was feeling strangely decisive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in information science class. Her tummy was still feeling funny, but she got out of the Porsche and crawled intensely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hermit crab and a flute. It had six black eyes in its heel. "Kymuhyto proonipilek icynum, puzinig cu noghupoo, janited vyplol," the creature said.
"Meh," Kathy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smear tree knife tissue spatula freeze to treetop," the thing squeaked.
"Knock me over with a feather. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nidozoni tissue quyneneket."
"Why don't you take your tissue and shove it in your kidney?" Kathy retorted.
The creature looked evil. "Geposegoo flymajodyd omomig, tyrokob," it screamed. "Nipluwyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a nipluwyt!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wicked creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or con artist. If she had been carrying a water balloon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Frinklehofer will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and whirled. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its gall bladder and strode ferociously toward her.
For the first time, Kathy had the urge to run, but her front tooth was freezing and her legs refused to move.
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