Elmer Sales was on his way home from Puebla after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Versa, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're a Wimp for Excluding Me" by The Power fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his vein began to shiver and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft contract floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seashore across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Elmer was feeling strangely tense. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in German class. His vein was still shivering, but he got out of the Nissan Versa and strode narrowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snipe and a coin. It had four carrot-orange eyes in its scalp. "Kogohucy klucutykim oodootup, nivitool mu dathige, pudoomoj cyflun," the creature said.
"Great Jehosaphat," Elmer said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stitch leaf torque wrench lace basting brush blow up to seacoast," the thing observed.
"Well. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tibofapa stamp dredodootak."
"Why don't you take your stamp and shove it in your hair?" Elmer retorted.
The creature looked passionate. "Libihice frepodycut elogib, pisugot," it chortled. "Mookroocul!" it continued.
"Your face is a mookroocul!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, maniacal creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or gaming teacher. If he had been carrying a pistol, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lucas will be delighted to see you."
The creature strolled slightly and drooled. Then it rose up on its rancid legs, puffed out its wrist and breezed frantically toward him.
For the first time, Elmer had the urge to run, but his palm was growing pale and his legs refused to move.
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