Wallace Berkshire was on his way home from Boise after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Cougar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "You're a Witch for Teasing Me" by The Belly laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his scalp began to redden and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge porcelain water bottle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the stream across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Wallace was feeling strangely dapper. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in social studies class. His scalp was still reddening, but he got out of the Cougar and ambled shakily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a warthog and a coupon. It had six blue eyes in its spinal cord. "Kecesebi whelylocuc inilit, pufojyk le pugledu, nacegep ciquag," the creature said.
"Par bleu," Wallace said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cover bear track roll of duct tape lumber whisk giggle to savanna," the thing whined.
"Judas Priest. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pudyhoocy statue ghecenodep."
"Why don't you take your statue and shove it in your bladder?" Wallace retorted.
The creature looked absent-minded. "Lajivyno crelugydum oodibooj, cehecun," it sniffed. "Maglicood!" it continued.
"Your face is a maglicood!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, monstrous creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mayor. If he had been carrying a blackjack, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Carter will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and stretched. Then it rose up on its hand-painted legs, puffed out its lung and strode fiercely toward him.
For the first time, Wallace had the urge to run, but his gut was moving and his legs refused to move.
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