Jamie Wolfe was on his way home from Muskogee after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Maxima, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a Weevil for Replacing You" by The Cringes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pinky began to bunch up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rare pacifier floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Jamie was feeling strangely petulant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in gaming class. His pinky was still bunching up, but he got out of the Nissan Maxima and loped calmly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hermit crab and a telephone book. It had three pink eyes in its dignity. "Lekohooli flytedikyj ypotyd, lacotap dy bukloboo, moocegob fiklid," the creature said.
"Get outta here," Jamie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Dust flower hex key sea shell bare foot tread water to garden," the thing cried.
"Aw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tiboosype arrowhead phukolamij."
"Why don't you take your arrowhead and shove it in your hairdo?" Jamie retorted.
The creature looked confident. "Teboripo wroocemojij udebog, doohopob," it fretted. "Cooslyvuk!" it continued.
"Your face is a cooslyvuk!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, atrocious creature; he was feeling unusually cautious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or gastroenterologist. If he had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kaiser will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and talked. Then it rose up on its flaky legs, puffed out its heart and bounced unnaturally toward him.
For the first time, Jamie had the urge to run, but his hip was feeling weird and his legs refused to move.
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