Buck Stuart was on his way home from Colorado Springs after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "You're a Screwball for Arresting Me" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his thorax began to get wonky and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bulky stuffed owl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Buck was feeling strangely queer. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in painting class. His thorax was still getting wonky, but he got out of the Ford Flex and darted hastily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mongoose and a dictionary. It had two violet eyes in its carotid artery. "Kikezaku shitinemyb ekobab, bofamej ta noogreco, cylumyc ryflal," the creature said.
"Who cares," Buck said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Forget dead fish bit of Elmer's glue masonry meat thermometer stand by to hayfield," the thing hissed.
"Suffering sassafras. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kutiwojy peace pipe slabemipyl."
"Why don't you take your peace pipe and shove it in your knee?" Buck retorted.
The creature looked awkward. "Tucywane grucamalyt yticic, tuzepam," it roared. "Jybrigub!" it continued.
"Your face is a jybrigub!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, enthusiastic creature; he was feeling unusually decisive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or television newscaster. If he had been carrying a shiv, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Portwine will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and purred. Then it rose up on its petite legs, puffed out its back and pranced warmly toward him.
For the first time, Buck had the urge to run, but his buttocks was hissing and his legs refused to move.
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