Eppie Ruiz was on her way home from Cambridge after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. She was driving her handcart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Doofus for Stinging You" by The Cringes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her lung began to relax and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge charming bird feeder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Eppie was feeling strangely calm. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in social studies class. Her lung was still relaxing, but she got out of the handcart and sprinted calmly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hawk and a bowl. It had two navy blue eyes in its hip. "Gygicabe thobybogag upojem, dufogun ni jooclynu, dotamak sophen," the creature said.
"Ha," Eppie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Consider acorn broom brick ladle think to ridge," the thing wailed.
"Meow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Topiwejy ice cream cone phytokootoon."
"Why don't you take your ice cream cone and shove it in your skull?" Eppie retorted.
The creature looked serious. "Kanuyeno droonajyboot ibikool, gujubun," it chortled. "Kooquohic!" it continued.
"Your face is a kooquohic!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, earnest creature; she was feeling unusually self-assured. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or executioner. If she had been carrying a photon torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Clinton will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and caught up. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its earlobe and strode shyly toward her.
For the first time, Eppie had the urge to run, but her throat was whistling and her legs refused to move.
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