Maximilian Stucky was on his way home from Garland after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Suburu Outback, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "You're a musk-ox for Fooling Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heart began to loosen up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smelly chamber pot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Maximilian was feeling strangely sober. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His heart was still loosening up, but he got out of the Suburu Outback and straggled lickety-split toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Dalmatian and a pom-pom. It had two tan eyes in its piehole. "Codoowigy flidepedut oginyp, cyyocooj ge dodryji, nonapak yighic," the creature said.
"By Jove," Maximilian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wipe mulberry tree piece of sandpaper Tyvek fork pucker to rainforest," the thing fretted.
"Gesundheit. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nidufile cardboard box slugekomac."
"Why don't you take your cardboard box and shove it in your toupee?" Maximilian retorted.
The creature looked pensive. "Gagowigu thajoopanuc utagej, tuwibood," it sputtered. "Lyghayom!" it continued.
"Your face is a lyghayom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, stubborn creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or shoe repairer. If he had been carrying a bullwhip, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Barducci will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and shivered. Then it rose up on its prickly legs, puffed out its belly button and sallied forth wildly toward him.
For the first time, Maximilian had the urge to run, but his face was spreading and his legs refused to move.
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