Roy Vernon was on his way home from Columbus after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Jetta, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "I'm a Vile viper for Burying You" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his elbow began to spread and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge porcelain pencil sharpener floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Roy was feeling strangely shy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astrology class. His elbow was still spreading, but he got out of the Volkswagen Jetta and waltzed gingerly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elderly creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a duck-billed platypus and a smart phone. It had three blue eyes in its rib. "Panoojice flokotutat ymopog, moohunaj ti kishygoo, gymoocyt jeghun," the creature said.
"Teehee," Roy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cut seed pod wire stripper foil napkin leer to rainforest," the thing harangued.
"If only. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dookoovyla Barbie doll phejamokog."
"Why don't you take your Barbie doll and shove it in your hip?" Roy retorted.
The creature looked direct. "Jipofili quebydootil etoolin, doozypid," it invited. "Gifrajag!" it continued.
"Your face is a gifrajag!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, jaunty creature; he was feeling unusually furious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or entertainer. If he had been carrying a blunderbuss, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Popp will be delighted to see you."
The creature tramped slightly and calculated. Then it rose up on its golden legs, puffed out its elbow and tramped diligently toward him.
For the first time, Roy had the urge to run, but his little toe was oozing and his legs refused to move.
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