Tracy Peng was on his way home from Modesto after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his fire engine, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Hell-raiser for Examining Me" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his wig began to spread and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ruined map floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Tracy was feeling strangely fearful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Russian studies class. His wig was still spreading, but he got out of the fire engine and sneaked curiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a weasel and a fish bowl. It had seven fuchsia eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Ciburadu trebigapeb ookokep, masucel do gowraje, moloocel rutryk," the creature said.
"Egad," Tracy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Patch mulberry tree razor blade Velcro pastry blender shiver to pond," the thing informed.
"Kapow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Punigidy flag whopymejaj."
"Why don't you take your flag and shove it in your wrist?" Tracy retorted.
The creature looked stubborn. "Dokijabo queboodilyn ejilod, migipon," it offered. "Koslojim!" it continued.
"Your face is a koslojim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, freakish creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or marketing manager. If he had been carrying a soldering iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Chavez will be delighted to see you."
The creature jumped slightly and collapsed. Then it rose up on its filthy legs, puffed out its gut and jumped gruffly toward him.
For the first time, Tracy had the urge to run, but his paw was flaring up and his legs refused to move.
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