Patricia Gilmore was on her way home from Boise after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Gremlin, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Peabrain for Rebuffing Me" by The Kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her front tooth began to rise and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge papery air compressor floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Patricia was feeling strangely pensive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Esperanto class. Her front tooth was still rising, but she got out of the Gremlin and loped slyly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sleek creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cockroach and a Happy Meal. It had two lavender eyes in its throat. "Gegigybe ghugugagij ikucem, noofycun mi dudrily, nykamyc gaclub," the creature said.
"I'm sure," Patricia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ridicule dead tree hex key marble strainer burble to circus tent," the thing jeered.
"Blimey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gudewume pair of pliers phoomanitem."
"Why don't you take your pair of pliers and shove it in your larynx?" Patricia retorted.
The creature looked moronic. "Nypawobe thupojamool ebupun, karupig," it phrased. "Gedrawup!" it continued.
"Your face is a gedrawup!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, muscular creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or dermatologist. If she had been carrying a sickle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Agnew will be delighted to see you."
The creature staggered slightly and sighed. Then it rose up on its torn legs, puffed out its collarbone and tramped sheepishly toward her.
For the first time, Patricia had the urge to run, but her elbow was going numb and her legs refused to move.
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