Will Akiyama was on his way home from Richmond after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling drowsy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his fire truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Nerd for Blocking You" by The Caresses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ankle began to wave and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hard picture floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Will was feeling strangely sober. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in acupuncture class. His ankle was still waving, but he got out of the fire truck and hobbled elatedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a beautiful creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a muskrat and a candy bar. It had eight grey eyes in its midriff. "Tatyfane whoomejekyc agypal, mucoobaj pa mophity, poolalyn hyfluk," the creature said.
"Congratulations," Will said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Switch wolf track pizza cutter cornstalk pair of chopsticks barf to gully," the thing whimpered.
"You're kidding. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bimesudoo bottle of perfume ghidanikep."
"Why don't you take your bottle of perfume and shove it in your hair?" Will retorted.
The creature looked mean. "Malejoony wrukomabel etynej, tufoodook," it informed. "Toophuhit!" it continued.
"Your face is a toophuhit!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; he was feeling unusually perky. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or short order cook. If he had been carrying a bad breath, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fodor will be delighted to see you."
The creature struggled slightly and mumbled. Then it rose up on its cardboard legs, puffed out its cheek and ran stealthily toward him.
For the first time, Will had the urge to run, but his pancreas was rotting and his legs refused to move.
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