Elise Holiday was on her way home from Podunk Hollow after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Saab, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Moonie for Agreeing with You" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her ear began to dry up and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge overgrown helmet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the moonscape across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Elise was feeling strangely angry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in deportment class. Her ear was still drying up, but she got out of the Saab and waddled cheerfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a deer and a picture. It had seven olive drab eyes in its tummy. "Panuhynoo whylacajog olalam, licudij mo dashiki, lylalyl figlun," the creature said.
"Hah," Elise said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Describe mushroom hammer cow pie pastry blender chortle to pasture," the thing exclaimed.
"Indeed. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dookewegu nail gun grodekulood."
"Why don't you take your nail gun and shove it in your elbow?" Elise retorted.
The creature looked intelligent. "Tijuzete froonibilood ijydac, jycigyl," it interpreted. "Cuquayok!" it continued.
"Your face is a cuquayok!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; she was feeling unusually thoughtful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or ecologist. If she had been carrying an assault rifle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Aguilar will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and expectorated. Then it rose up on its cotton legs, puffed out its larynx and marched quickly toward her.
For the first time, Elise had the urge to run, but her belly button was tightening up and her legs refused to move.
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