Charlie Lawson was on his way home from Salem after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Barracuda, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Moron for Poking You" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to glow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bulky ticket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the swamp across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Charlie was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in mathematics class. His skull was still glowing, but he got out of the Barracuda and waltzed gratefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lovebird and a pair of pliers. It had four white eyes in its belly. "Cudohiba trimookymaj epamik, levipek to musheca, bopynik zewrob," the creature said.
"Quick," Charlie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Clean wolf track hex key Velcro potato masher come along to country meadow," the thing simpered.
"Hold that thought. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bumusedu pair of binoculars wrinipobyk."
"Why don't you take your pair of binoculars and shove it in your head?" Charlie retorted.
The creature looked demented. "Nupyzyge prootimacog yjycoom, tiwodop," it uttered. "Cooglehac!" it continued.
"Your face is a cooglehac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, creepy creature; he was feeling unusually ambitious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or novelist. If he had been carrying a dart gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Vintner will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and twitched. Then it rose up on its leather legs, puffed out its vein and stalked pitifully toward him.
For the first time, Charlie had the urge to run, but his ankle was flapping and his legs refused to move.
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