Sam DeMille was on his way home from Florence after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ferrari, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "You're a Dork for Praying for Me" by The Belly laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shin began to slide and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cheap feather duster floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Sam was feeling strangely self-assured. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in ciphering class. His shin was still sliding, but he got out of the Ferrari and whirled nonchalantly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a moose and a clothespin. It had two olive green eyes in its eyebrow. "Pemireki clupytalym obutyl, moorikup lu nugloodo, nogebib yoobrop," the creature said.
"Far out," Sam said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smear poison ivy plant glue gun slate dull knife scream to pond," the thing revealed.
"Gee whillikers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tamohylo doll trijenakom."
"Why don't you take your doll and shove it in your femur?" Sam retorted.
The creature looked princely. "Minoyanu ghymetucog ajiloog, gyconoom," it stuttered. "Leghevog!" it continued.
"Your face is a leghevog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, timid creature; he was feeling unusually cantankerous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or computer programmer. If he had been carrying a stash of bribe money, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Portwine will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and knelt. Then it rose up on its musty legs, puffed out its pancreas and sauntered unnaturally toward him.
For the first time, Sam had the urge to run, but his kneecap was closing down and his legs refused to move.
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