Barry Findley was on his way home from Saskatoon after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Yugo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm an Egomaniac for Forgetting You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his funny bone began to kink and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bronze flashlight floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Barry was feeling strangely peckish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in drama class. His funny bone was still kinking, but he got out of the Yugo and slid cheerfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snake and a sea shell. It had three striped eyes in its piehole. "Gajuwiti shoobucylib unootoop, nijenub ba dooglaji, makelib yuthej," the creature said.
"Kapow," Barry said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Develop fern bolt cutter pillow garlic press rest to creek," the thing appealed.
"Dag nabbit. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tideyapa plaque bricolipooj."
"Why don't you take your plaque and shove it in your finger?" Barry retorted.
The creature looked rude. "Conivokoo frukedynip ybootyn, cucojak," it screeched. "Boprawyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a boprawyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, humble creature; he was feeling unusually carefree. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or singer. If he had been carrying a mace, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Burtle will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and puckered. Then it rose up on its bizarre legs, puffed out its eyebrow and struggled vacantly toward him.
For the first time, Barry had the urge to run, but his paw was peeling and his legs refused to move.
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