Hallie Berger was on her way home from Tallahassee after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota Land Cruiser, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "I'm a Fuddy-duddy for Praising You" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her shin began to oscillate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge pink pacifier floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Hallie was feeling strangely thoughtful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in anatomy class. Her shin was still oscillating, but she got out of the Toyota Land Cruiser and sashayed furiously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between a parakeet and a business card. It had two scarlet eyes in its eyebrow. "Jakeyebi chajyjoolood utybup, lisetag de lokrony, pajoojyc sooslad," the creature said.
"I'm outta here," Hallie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stain piece of driftwood bit of Elmer's glue wattle and daub cookie cutter hum to desert," the thing hummed.
"Ten-four. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lukojipy fork wreletedac."
"Why don't you take your fork and shove it in your claw?" Hallie retorted.
The creature looked high-strung. "Lijezoolu flamimootooc oocakup, biwootod," it asserted. "Pigloowooc!" it continued.
"Your face is a pigloowooc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wizened creature; she was feeling unusually brave. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bureaucrat. If she had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Downey will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and gasped. Then it rose up on its ridged legs, puffed out its pancreas and hopped patiently toward her.
For the first time, Hallie had the urge to run, but her pancreas was coming undone and her legs refused to move.
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