Leroy Romano was on his way home from Overland Park after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling furious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Dodge Viper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Drip for Double-crossing You" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tail began to drop off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing beige light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge unusual crutch floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Leroy was feeling strangely somber. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in German class. His tail was still dropping off, but he got out of the Dodge Viper and staggered valiantly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dapper creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a baboon and a necklace. It had eight teal eyes in its bladder. "Boleyoomi clytacegap ikumig, ligoolyc ne kughyce, kyletoog heghen," the creature said.
"Durn," Leroy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stab mulberry tree whisk broom Sheetrock foot look dumb to plain," the thing clarified.
"Excellent. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bunegope roll of duct tape thutodibig."
"Why don't you take your roll of duct tape and shove it in your spinal cord?" Leroy retorted.
The creature looked peculiar. "Gimewuba flugypadym ibytob, mococoom," it sobbed. "Biplysyg!" it continued.
"Your face is a biplysyg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bilious creature; he was feeling unusually cheerful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or midwife. If he had been carrying a piercing stare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rosen will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and nodded. Then it rose up on its charming legs, puffed out its big toe and bounced greedily toward him.
For the first time, Leroy had the urge to run, but his shoulder was vibrating and his legs refused to move.
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