Michele Lee was on her way home from Quebec after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Alfa Romeo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Pervert for Patting Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spleen began to mold and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge handy Helmholz resonator floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Michele was feeling strangely irate. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hotel management class. Her spleen was still molding, but she got out of the Alfa Romeo and dashed openly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was magenta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mule and a padlock. It had two black eyes in its stomach. "Bamavyle phupytomoob acucil, nusokam ty nidrodu, jootycoop joothyn," the creature said.
"Begad," Michele said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strip cactus panic button aluminum cheesecloth wail to marsh," the thing interrupted.
"Holy moley. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dijigypa hair dryer krylupugic."
"Why don't you take your hair dryer and shove it in your wig?" Michele retorted.
The creature looked quiet. "Noomygini plydujekaj ecupup, ducunic," it snarled. "Doprooyaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a doprooyaj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, jolly creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or acrobat. If she had been carrying an AK-47, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tuckerman will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and flushed. Then it rose up on its rancid legs, puffed out its liver and strolled primly toward her.
For the first time, Michele had the urge to run, but her throat was smelling bad and her legs refused to move.
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