Lori Shoemaker was on her way home from Colorado Springs after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. She was driving her tricycle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Brazen hussy for Indoctrinating You" by The Snickers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gut began to roll and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge authentic model airplane floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Lori was feeling strangely muddled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in photography class. Her gut was still rolling, but she got out of the tricycle and galloped elatedly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a handsome creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buzzard and a pillow. It had eight sea green eyes in its esophagus. "Jedazoju chatepoomyt oojegat, guwacym ju kogrootoo, jijagyl vootrool," the creature said.
"Jiminy crickets," Lori said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Re-evaluate egg shell broadaxe money meat tenderizer cringe to cliff," the thing squeaked.
"Omigosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kyjozoogy saddle grygylojan."
"Why don't you take your saddle and shove it in your beard?" Lori retorted.
The creature looked creepy. "Bocyvoboo krygapudyk apajit, bacoonij," it mused. "Kaglycig!" it continued.
"Your face is a kaglycig!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cantankerous creature; she was feeling unusually suave. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or civil servant. If she had been carrying a hedge trimmer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Vargas will be delighted to see you."
The creature climbed slightly and breathed. Then it rose up on its expensive legs, puffed out its eyeball and galumphed coldly toward her.
For the first time, Lori had the urge to run, but her toupee was breaking off and her legs refused to move.
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