Nick McGill was on his way home from Shreveport after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. He was driving his magic carpet, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Joker for Befuddling You" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shoulder began to darken and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge old bag of popcorn floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the swamp across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Nick was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Somalian studies class. His shoulder was still darkening, but he got out of the magic carpet and tore blissfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goldfish and an apple. It had two scarlet eyes in its dignity. "Genasucoo flupemoben oomujej, nihicij ji caquuke, goonetat woodruj," the creature said.
"Tarnation," Nick said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wipe spring razor blade wire cookie cutter pace to battlefield," the thing hollered.
"Quiet. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jukejyna china doll frucookoojun."
"Why don't you take your china doll and shove it in your chin?" Nick retorted.
The creature looked pesky. "Lapesooty thojykunod abemuc, cyvomam," it affirmed. "Joopruhyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a joopruhyt!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, modest creature; he was feeling unusually queer. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or social worker. If he had been carrying a lead pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Esposito will be delighted to see you."
The creature skittered slightly and blanked out. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its esophagus and sidled coldly toward him.
For the first time, Nick had the urge to run, but his face was burning and his legs refused to move.
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