Walter Coons was on his way home from Fairbanks after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his MG convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Bonehead for Baffling You" by The Puckers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his abdomen began to shrink and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge heavy dollhouse floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Walter was feeling strangely sarcastic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in genetics class. His abdomen was still shrinking, but he got out of the MG convertible and rolled frenetically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was aqua-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snake and a dictionary. It had five khaki eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Kyniwyke gradekycuc agebot, ciyipic koo kephiju, pymoocat jyflop," the creature said.
"Blaak," Walter said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Feel leaf makeup brush lead dull knife spit to island," the thing preached.
"Great Scott. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cogoosebu contract slepodegim."
"Why don't you take your contract and shove it in your bladder?" Walter retorted.
The creature looked tense. "Jigizela proopynoogoob iboomin, gorytun," it ranted. "Loproofog!" it continued.
"Your face is a loproofog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, evil creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or social worker. If he had been carrying an atomic weapon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Salinger will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its skull and leapt mysteriously toward him.
For the first time, Walter had the urge to run, but his waist was enlarging and his legs refused to move.
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