Sven Torres was on his way home from Kyoto after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. He was driving his city bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Worm for Cuddling You" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his carotid artery began to blanch and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious microscope floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Sven was feeling strangely self-confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in bricklaying class. His carotid artery was still blanching, but he got out of the city bus and barrelled ruefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a chart. It had three jade eyes in its wig. "Lylyyeje ghulegyduk inetyj, pyrokym tu niplydo, jutyjyl jywhem," the creature said.
"Bless you," Sven said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Measure weed blow torch ash piece of cheesecloth stretch to field," the thing snorted.
"Help. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jobiromy calculator placykalol."
"Why don't you take your calculator and shove it in your aorta?" Sven retorted.
The creature looked undignified. "Pikoosuko plootonobet onemel, ticaced," it phrased. "Nichovoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a nichovoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, portly creature; he was feeling unusually self-confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or editor. If he had been carrying a lifesaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Xu will be delighted to see you."
The creature waddled slightly and collapsed. Then it rose up on its brittle legs, puffed out its hand and skidded speedily toward him.
For the first time, Sven had the urge to run, but his kneecap was turning grey and his legs refused to move.
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