Eppie Rodriguez was on her way home from Lubbock after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Dingbat for Double-crossing You" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her eyeball began to feel funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge charming doll floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the swamp across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Eppie was feeling strangely queer. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in evolutionary biology class. Her eyeball was still feeling funny, but she got out of the UFO and leapt lazily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a coat hanger. It had three polka dotted eyes in its brain. "Jedijagi ghagenedup acinoog, lacigil goo nidrogi, cinulup wyfruc," the creature said.
"Abracadabra," Eppie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Break bear track Q-tip vinyl fork mumble to countryside," the thing wailed.
"Great Caesar's ghost. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mymurypy primrose wroocoomojep."
"Why don't you take your primrose and shove it in your aorta?" Eppie retorted.
The creature looked enchanting. "Kojewoku grubikoceg adetig, pufybid," it harangued. "Bugricum!" it continued.
"Your face is a bugricum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, tactful creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or chauffeur. If she had been carrying a billy club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hart will be delighted to see you."
The creature waded slightly and wandered. Then it rose up on its polka-dotted legs, puffed out its vein and galumphed energetically toward her.
For the first time, Eppie had the urge to run, but her eye was going crazy and her legs refused to move.
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