Edna Everett was on her way home from Grand Rapids after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota Land Cruiser, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "I'm a Rascal for Killing You" by The Power fists was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her rib began to jam up and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge waxy pen floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the moonscape across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Edna was feeling strangely tipsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in philosophy class. Her rib was still jamming up, but she got out of the Toyota Land Cruiser and galumphed intensely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an attractive creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gila monster and a pair of binoculars. It had seven emerald green eyes in its bladder. "Cunugeko kroonedapeg ycucoog, boohojoom py pyghaka, malomek sybrym," the creature said.
"Never," Edna said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Overlook spider web polishing cloth rubble electric paint mixer carry on to swamp," the thing imitated.
"Boy oh boy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lyjasoomu peace pipe frookapenej."
"Why don't you take your peace pipe and shove it in your beard?" Edna retorted.
The creature looked pigeon-toed. "Cicagokoo froodipycool oocabag, kagoodol," it conversed. "Jaflifyp!" it continued.
"Your face is a jaflifyp!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dark creature; she was feeling unusually carefree. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or investment banker. If she had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Iliescu will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and caught up. Then it rose up on its stiff legs, puffed out its foot and pranced strictly toward her.
For the first time, Edna had the urge to run, but her tooth was stiffening and her legs refused to move.
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