Lottie Garland was on her way home from Lincoln after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her garbage truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "I'm a Rapscallion for Ridiculing You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her stomach began to cramp and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aquamarine light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge art deco duffel bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Lottie was feeling strangely dumb. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in astrology class. Her stomach was still cramping, but she got out of the garbage truck and bounded accidentally toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between an anteater and a broom. It had three hot pink eyes in its carotid artery. "Getesybi clitapolyj eboojyj, bojoojec ti tifloge, jejacyp cobrul," the creature said.
"Aarrggh," Lottie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Guard rock protractor plasma paring knife screech to swamp," the thing groveled.
"By Jove. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Leluronu bag of potato chips crooboomokun."
"Why don't you take your bag of potato chips and shove it in your vein?" Lottie retorted.
The creature looked naïve. "Peduzony quikojootem yjykaj, gofebit," it exclaimed. "Byquyvek!" it continued.
"Your face is a byquyvek!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, direct creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or telephone repairman. If she had been carrying a torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nagy will be delighted to see you."
The creature flounced slightly and went limp. Then it rose up on its flaky legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and barrelled caustically toward her.
For the first time, Lottie had the urge to run, but her tongue was tightening up and her legs refused to move.
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