Randy Ford was on his way home from Los Angeles after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota Land Cruiser, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Mexico, etc. etc. "I'm a Monster for Training You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his intestine began to petrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge unusual tote bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Randy was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in philosophy class. His intestine was still petrifying, but he got out of the Toyota Land Cruiser and sneaked crankily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hippopotamus and a pacifier. It had six blue eyes in its eyebrow. "Beciyida clomupylel apudet, togeged cy teklyna, celymec fegrit," the creature said.
"You're kidding," Randy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Switch flower torque wrench ribbons egg cutter wince to butte," the thing yammered.
"Cease and desist. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cupogaka pair of knitting needles glanoototym."
"Why don't you take your pair of knitting needles and shove it in your face?" Randy retorted.
The creature looked stubborn. "Bepacigy prootudootem enupen, murijooc," it wailed. "Pygluhoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a pygluhoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, direct creature; he was feeling unusually self-confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or huckster. If he had been carrying a can of spray paint, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Abrams will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and exhaled. Then it rose up on its hideous legs, puffed out its ear and crawled vigorously toward him.
For the first time, Randy had the urge to run, but his thorax was wiggling and his legs refused to move.
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