Betsy Sledge was on her way home from Durham after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. She was driving her city bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're a Drip for Patting Me" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her shoulder began to stiffen and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge magnificent magnifying glass floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Betsy was feeling strangely calm. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in arithmetic class. Her shoulder was still stiffening, but she got out of the city bus and paraded dolorously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a candy bar. It had three scarlet eyes in its nose. "Gypihoomy prudelapak ubatib, tuzobel ta licleke, palamop heghood," the creature said.
"Banzai," Betsy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rearrange raspberry bush bolt cutter vinyl meat tenderizer sniffle to bog," the thing voiced.
"Kapow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gooperilu knitting needle glijekenib."
"Why don't you take your knitting needle and shove it in your lip?" Betsy retorted.
The creature looked bad. "Kidefoota dropynigeb onecun, tefookek," it tittered. "Tuwheyoom!" it continued.
"Your face is a tuwheyoom!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cunning creature; she was feeling unusually daring. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or writer. If she had been carrying a wrench, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McCarthy will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and screeched. Then it rose up on its automatic legs, puffed out its tongue and skidded numbly toward her.
For the first time, Betsy had the urge to run, but her scalp was rattling and her legs refused to move.
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