Dustin LaSalle was on his way home from Mogadishu after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Smart Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Weenie for Going out with You" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his bladder began to flap and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge thick fire hose floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Dustin was feeling strangely lethargic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in engineering class. His bladder was still flapping, but he got out of the Smart Car and dove reluctantly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tall creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a deck of cards. It had three azure eyes in its jaw. "Goojoovopy trumitadac udagin, pehoonok jy muprooki, citulyg fatret," the creature said.
"Shazam," Dustin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cook flower feather duster stone garlic press giggle to hayfield," the thing emphasized.
"Chirp. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Legiroce balloon tramenicooc."
"Why don't you take your balloon and shove it in your thumb?" Dustin retorted.
The creature looked idiotic. "Nujaruti fronobegyd okenid, cagakob," it intimated. "Putrohyg!" it continued.
"Your face is a putrohyg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, lanky creature; he was feeling unusually disagreeable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or pianist. If he had been carrying a baton, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ashe will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and frowned. Then it rose up on its luxurious legs, puffed out its chin and straggled wearily toward him.
For the first time, Dustin had the urge to run, but his chin was spreading and his legs refused to move.
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