Katherine LaSalle was on her way home from Palmdale after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ice cream truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Goose for Appeasing You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thyroid gland began to spread and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gaudy tennis racket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the oasis across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
Katherine was feeling strangely peculiar. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in food science class. Her thyroid gland was still spreading, but she got out of the ice cream truck and stormed menacingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hornet and a package. It had six red eyes in its leg. "Kemofomo quatycoodim yjocon, jegybob doo budryji, lukedyb hythim," the creature said.
"Umm," Katherine said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Prepare leaf circular saw stardust potato peeler die to gully," the thing spouted.
"Crackers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dubyrice fingernail clipper shitoocemoog."
"Why don't you take your fingernail clipper and shove it in your nostril?" Katherine retorted.
The creature looked sleek. "Lunasoobe thelomapub ykojid, givagan," it rebutted. "Lafruyac!" it continued.
"Your face is a lafruyac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, stinky creature; she was feeling unusually humble. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or graphic designer. If she had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bear will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and treaded water. Then it rose up on its papery legs, puffed out its hangnail and marched sharply toward her.
For the first time, Katherine had the urge to run, but her gall bladder was growing pale and her legs refused to move.
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