Deb Cox was on her way home from Podunk Hollow after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Lexus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "I'm a Madman for Pushing You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her chin began to sink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stuffed yardstick floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Deb was feeling strangely awkward. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in grassland management class. Her chin was still sinking, but she got out of the Lexus and bounded speedily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dromedary and a beach ball. It had seven chartreuse eyes in its beard. "Nenyfune klatebucok ulojim, cociped nu nokromo, noojuboog juwhan," the creature said.
"Ouch," Deb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Attack spider web razor blade Tyvek electric paint mixer smile to island," the thing joked.
"Gadzooks and crapadoodle. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Moobyyunoo pipe ghigobygok."
"Why don't you take your pipe and shove it in your dignity?" Deb retorted.
The creature looked zany. "Dilugaboo flytamootim igookal, dowudac," it indicated. "Lytriyon!" it continued.
"Your face is a lytriyon!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, playful creature; she was feeling unusually tipsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or dance instructor. If she had been carrying a can of pepper spray, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ratwort will be delighted to see you."
The creature waddled slightly and puffed. Then it rose up on its ridged legs, puffed out its arm and made a beeline needlessly toward her.
For the first time, Deb had the urge to run, but her nostril was acting weird and her legs refused to move.
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