Herb Brookshire was on his way home from Hialeah after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his delivery van, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "I'm a Punk for Maligning You" by The Backward glances was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his stomach began to get moist and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hefty spool of thread floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then actively descended to the ground.
Herb was feeling strangely tipsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in penmanship class. His stomach was still getting moist, but he got out of the delivery van and scurried jokingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a suave creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rhinoceros and a toilet seat. It had six metallic red eyes in its leg. "Gycuzeje quydijepat ykybud, lyfalel te lookloodi, noopotyj racrood," the creature said.
"Shiver me timbers," Herb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Consider seed pod compass old tire cheesecloth back up to range," the thing burbled.
"Eureka. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Comoofyce peanut whanypypid."
"Why don't you take your peanut and shove it in your shoulder?" Herb retorted.
The creature looked amiable. "Jecagibo flykoogikyg ekoodoob, gerutug," it wailed. "Kedrugood!" it continued.
"Your face is a kedrugood!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ambitious creature; he was feeling unusually calm. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fireman. If he had been carrying an épée, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Stringer will be delighted to see you."
The creature sped slightly and wept. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its paw and scooted firmly toward him.
For the first time, Herb had the urge to run, but his gall bladder was blossoming and his legs refused to move.
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