Joseph Wolfe was on his way home from Oakland after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. He was driving his SUV, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "You're an Old biddy for Frowning at Me" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lung began to open up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rusty sea shell floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Joseph was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Tibetan studies class. His lung was still opening up, but he got out of the SUV and whirled sharply toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goat and a pink flamingo. It had five periwinkle eyes in its toupee. "Bicegoogoo clemoojenyd ootybool, doozicoc koo pigroobu, koonygeg foshooc," the creature said.
"Whee," Joseph said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Exclude acorn paintbrush linen blender cheer up to seacoast," the thing admitted.
"Shucks. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jijahoogu orange grigitacic."
"Why don't you take your orange and shove it in your gut?" Joseph retorted.
The creature looked fearful. "Tadujupoo thoogicepin yjobook, mufimet," it smiled. "Nocloogoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a nocloogoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bellicose creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fashion designer. If he had been carrying a sickle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wyse will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and gesticulated. Then it rose up on its hollow legs, puffed out its hangnail and darted sadly toward him.
For the first time, Joseph had the urge to run, but his eyelid was crumbling and his legs refused to move.
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