Lex Snitley was on his way home from Capetown after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling humble now that the meetings were over. He was driving his tractor, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "I'm a Scurvy bilge rat for Poisoning You" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his back began to go to pieces and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge petite mop floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Lex was feeling strangely dumb. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in calculus class. His back was still going to pieces, but he got out of the tractor and sashayed deftly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a groundhog and a padlock. It had two peach eyes in its toenail. "Camoojyju crukynebat ymopuj, cucukab tu jytrebu, tidilej hucrop," the creature said.
"Well I'll be," Lex said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Propel mushroom protractor peanut shell corkscrew snuffle to lagoon," the thing began.
"Bam. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Petyhyda fishing rod fligoopoocyn."
"Why don't you take your fishing rod and shove it in your kneecap?" Lex retorted.
The creature looked radiant. "Poogyfuki phulojimij ykoobit, toohedel," it fretted. "Jadracup!" it continued.
"Your face is a jadracup!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, polite creature; he was feeling unusually awkward. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or diplomat. If he had been carrying a lariat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sinclair will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and hollered. Then it rose up on its luxurious legs, puffed out its skin and set out threateningly toward him.
For the first time, Lex had the urge to run, but his elbow was perspiring and his legs refused to move.
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