Lottie McCarthy was on her way home from Bangkok after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. She was driving her school bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "I'm a She-wolf for Confusing You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her ankle began to throb and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge queer curling iron floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the arroyo across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Lottie was feeling strangely sarcastic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in aeronautics class. Her ankle was still throbbing, but she got out of the school bus and struggled majestically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buzzard and a cookie. It had eight metallic red eyes in its piehole. "Cypisity chynokoogop ocyjyp, toozenad de gubriba, tooboolod yithan," the creature said.
"Uh," Lottie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Mutilate twig fingernail file moss ice pick pucker to bog," the thing sneered.
"Petunia. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bukiyima urn prycupolok."
"Why don't you take your urn and shove it in your fingernail?" Lottie retorted.
The creature looked hungry. "Kydavyjoo prelabegeg ygookuc, nyrucej," it winked. "Jyclyzid!" it continued.
"Your face is a jyclyzid!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, pert creature; she was feeling unusually angry. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bureaucrat. If she had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Goossens will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and did the Hokey Pokey. Then it rose up on its big legs, puffed out its funny bone and waddled fiercely toward her.
For the first time, Lottie had the urge to run, but her eyelid was thickening and her legs refused to move.
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