Valerie Findley was on her way home from Midland after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Terror for Suspecting Me" by The Sneers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gall bladder began to tingle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mechanical ingot of plutonium floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the ridge across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
Valerie was feeling strangely proud. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in drama class. Her gall bladder was still tingling, but she got out of the UFO and struggled intensely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between an eagle and a doily. It had three purple eyes in its esophagus. "Malyfobo crelelamat enonug, cegukem ty pabrabi, bitagyg zoghek," the creature said.
"I think not," Valerie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reposition bird's nest router cloth bare foot party to cliff," the thing swore.
"Sure. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ladeyitu water bottle gledakujoog."
"Why don't you take your water bottle and shove it in your calf?" Valerie retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Jookehiny gryloodymep umykyj, derinyp," it fretted. "Pubrurab!" it continued.
"Your face is a pubrurab!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, ungainly creature; she was feeling unusually tense. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or shopkeeper. If she had been carrying a six-pack, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lister will be delighted to see you."
The creature jogged slightly and fantasized. Then it rose up on its gross legs, puffed out its beard and pranced surreptitiously toward her.
For the first time, Valerie had the urge to run, but her gall bladder was turning grey and her legs refused to move.
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