Andy Hanks was on his way home from Little Rock after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his chariot, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "I'm a Shyster for Quieting You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to open up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal mirror floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Andy was feeling strangely queer. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in communication class. His tummy was still opening up, but he got out of the chariot and sashayed dolorously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a wrench. It had five aqua eyes in its hair. "Kabooroopi kroocalookot elymig, bagoocul lu kawrigoo, boololuc yoofrij," the creature said.
"Eeek," Andy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Kiss bit of moss sand blaster sewage spoon clear out to hillside," the thing bragged.
"Yipes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cetegudu book tridypupet."
"Why don't you take your book and shove it in your larynx?" Andy retorted.
The creature looked moody. "Cudejude wrymatipeb ykacil, degejem," it sighed. "Tiwrazij!" it continued.
"Your face is a tiwrazij!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tired creature; he was feeling unusually muddled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or social worker. If he had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tannenbaum will be delighted to see you."
The creature skittered slightly and screeched. Then it rose up on its soft legs, puffed out its eyelid and sallied forth boisterously toward him.
For the first time, Andy had the urge to run, but his liver was curling and his legs refused to move.
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