Alberta Grayheels was on her way home from Columbus after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her police car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "You're a Barbarian for Tantalizing Me" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her bicep began to pulsate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crisp bag of groceries floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Alberta was feeling strangely disagreeable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in theology class. Her bicep was still pulsating, but she got out of the police car and trekked vacantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between a burro and a crystal ball. It had two red eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Dunuvata froopucoomal atoonyt, noohudap ti jewrinu, boodudep raplyk," the creature said.
"Freaky," Alberta said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rattle cedar tree cotton swab chalk spatula puff to path," the thing noted.
"Tarnation. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kypyyigu hammer ghycidodal."
"Why don't you take your hammer and shove it in your claw?" Alberta retorted.
The creature looked dreadful. "Tulyyony chugydinyl iculat, gusanook," it blustered. "Maclezoog!" it continued.
"Your face is a maclezoog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dreadful creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or translator. If she had been carrying a cleaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Saint Pierre will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and squeaked. Then it rose up on its rough legs, puffed out its scalp and dashed angrily toward her.
For the first time, Alberta had the urge to run, but her spine was getting emotional and her legs refused to move.
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