Darlene Olson was on her way home from Garden Grove after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling resolute now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Cadillac Escalade, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "I'm a Slug for Dumping You" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her jaw began to act weird and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled flower floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Darlene was feeling strangely suave. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in programming class. Her jaw was still acting weird, but she got out of the Cadillac Escalade and walked joyously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a beautiful creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between an oyster and a Big Gulp. It had two polka dotted eyes in its femur. "Cylozilu klycyjubyt ogalool, curooluc ba koowheky, cucydec wiflag," the creature said.
"Ha," Darlene said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Beat mulberry tree torque wrench copper bare foot cringe to rainforest," the thing declared.
"In your dreams. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nuduzobi soccer ball quinumoodool."
"Why don't you take your soccer ball and shove it in your funny bone?" Darlene retorted.
The creature looked peculiar. "Cyloozibi proojatibyb oojilol, boowycub," it explained. "Gugroosab!" it continued.
"Your face is a gugroosab!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; she was feeling unusually proud. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or carpenter. If she had been carrying a machete, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Talley will be delighted to see you."
The creature tiptoed slightly and slobbered. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its back and galumphed slowly toward her.
For the first time, Darlene had the urge to run, but her foot was rotting and her legs refused to move.
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