Kaitlyn Glockman was on her way home from Kiev after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her perambulator, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Blackguard for Messing with You" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her arm began to feel funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing crimson light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crisp bouquet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Kaitlyn was feeling strangely disagreeable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in architecture class. Her arm was still feeling funny, but she got out of the perambulator and zipped sarcastically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a delicate creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fish and an urn. It had seven metallic red eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Jotysapoo frelopenyl anetug, kofynyc ji peghubu, giboogod widrij," the creature said.
"Awesome," Kaitlyn said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pack cedar tree socket wrench lead meat tenderizer shiver to buffalo wallow," the thing hollered.
"Man alive. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gumegode thumb drive thoodymypek."
"Why don't you take your thumb drive and shove it in your spleen?" Kaitlyn retorted.
The creature looked boring. "Dybysipo trypacoodan ydicool, mavyboop," it jeered. "Jichefog!" it continued.
"Your face is a jichefog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, moronic creature; she was feeling unusually calm. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or dog walker. If she had been carrying a stink bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bernstein will be delighted to see you."
The creature whirled slightly and blanked out. Then it rose up on its stolen legs, puffed out its claw and waddled ignobly toward her.
For the first time, Kaitlyn had the urge to run, but her toenail was getting cold and her legs refused to move.
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