Simeon Riggs was on his way home from Bogotá after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Saturn Vue, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "You're a Goof for Scratching Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his face began to grow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge decrepit dart floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Simeon was feeling strangely resolute. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in bricklaying class. His face was still growing, but he got out of the Saturn Vue and galumphed gently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a thin creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Norway rat and a bottle. It had three brilliant orange eyes in its midriff. "Nojesenu tranadoonyj enapep, nowygyn coo gugrydi, boocunut hawhig," the creature said.
"For heaven's sake," Simeon said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Trim tree stump hole punch Scotch tape napkin shrug to backyard," the thing breathed.
"Ultimate. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Temavonu bat floojookigom."
"Why don't you take your bat and shove it in your lip?" Simeon retorted.
The creature looked deadly. "Tooloriki clucapibun omanem, jeyoolul," it stormed. "Boproozim!" it continued.
"Your face is a boproozim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, nonchalant creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or soldier. If he had been carrying a disarming smile, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Eichmann will be delighted to see you."
The creature darted slightly and clattered. Then it rose up on its rare legs, puffed out its eyebrow and marched tenderly toward him.
For the first time, Simeon had the urge to run, but his eyelid was spreading and his legs refused to move.
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