Cherise Fields was on her way home from Kabul after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. She was driving her forklift, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Dunderhead for Outwitting Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her femur began to shrivel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bulky rock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seashore across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Cherise was feeling strangely daring. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in grassland management class. Her femur was still shriveling, but she got out of the forklift and breezed glibly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dashing creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bat and a business card. It had four olive drab eyes in its pancreas. "Jetoyooce quucalobig oopeket, loofanol moo dupromi, logigin hoowryj," the creature said.
"I'm on it," Cherise said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Develop tree curling iron tempered steel ladle cry to cornfield," the thing articulated.
"Like fun. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Boopoosigo pickle bropukobyp."
"Why don't you take your pickle and shove it in your hip?" Cherise retorted.
The creature looked yappy. "Bakoogookoo wricidycit ipocoog, myrymom," it belched. "Tephozym!" it continued.
"Your face is a tephozym!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, funny creature; she was feeling unusually resolute. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or graphic designer. If she had been carrying a squirt gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Agnew will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and exhaled. Then it rose up on its aromatic legs, puffed out its artery and skidded uselessly toward her.
For the first time, Cherise had the urge to run, but her toupee was quaking and her legs refused to move.
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