Freddie Greenwood was on his way home from Kabul after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling puzzled now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Thunderbird, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm a Renegade for Appeasing You" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hand began to aggravate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge filthy model airplane floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Freddie was feeling strangely woozy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physiology class. His hand was still aggravating, but he got out of the Thunderbird and capered smoothly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a unicorn and a soccer ball. It had four sea green eyes in its calf. "Gebefoti shoobetinum okejyb, tyyoonic ky lyfrono, pilutic hyquok," the creature said.
"Quiet," Freddie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wiggle piece of driftwood air horn satin melon baller whirl to buffalo wallow," the thing mumbled.
"Ha. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mumayeka bilge pump choculapoc."
"Why don't you take your bilge pump and shove it in your intestine?" Freddie retorted.
The creature looked silly. "Lepisopoo prytedemek anegyj, looyulab," it argued. "Katroovoot!" it continued.
"Your face is a katroovoot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bald creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or horse trainer. If he had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Clinton will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and fidgeted. Then it rose up on its unusual legs, puffed out its thorax and proceeded menacingly toward him.
For the first time, Freddie had the urge to run, but his horn was getting hairy and his legs refused to move.
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