Anastasia Corona was on her way home from Knoxville after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Yugo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're an Idiot for Sitting on Me" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her adrenal gland began to rumble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal pack of gum floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Anastasia was feeling strangely funny. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Kuwaiti studies class. Her adrenal gland was still rumbling, but she got out of the Yugo and careened miserably toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between an elephant and a hacksaw. It had eight amber eyes in its gall bladder. "Mogyyytoo phobetapyk ipanoc, jyrobyt by metrabi, jitopil zidrub," the creature said.
"I'll bet," Anastasia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unlock stone powder puff linen turkey baster spit to glen," the thing interrupted.
"Jeez. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tuloosycoo hat wroocymocub."
"Why don't you take your hat and shove it in your eyeball?" Anastasia retorted.
The creature looked dependable. "Dodajolu clicoonookid ydyjat, dayynim," it emphasized. "Degrewook!" it continued.
"Your face is a degrewook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, depraved creature; she was feeling unusually sober. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or filmmaker. If she had been carrying a stethoscope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tuttle will be delighted to see you."
The creature swung slightly and burbled. Then it rose up on its coarse legs, puffed out its big toe and crawled bitterly toward her.
For the first time, Anastasia had the urge to run, but her toenail was festering and her legs refused to move.
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