Giovanni Bear was on his way home from Sacramento after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Bully for Ostracizing You" by The Roars was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his buttocks began to bend and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge heavy bilge pump floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Giovanni was feeling strangely ambitious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in zoology class. His buttocks was still bending, but he got out of the dog cart and made a beeline timidly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between a baboon and a Happy Meal. It had seven brown eyes in its gut. "Gooligooca prebulylup ijenyk, kocutil ja gekryge, kooponool vaslooj," the creature said.
"Umm," Giovanni said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Interpret pine cone monkey wrench mahogany spatula rejoice to tundra," the thing cajoled.
"For heaven's sake. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bimyhodo pair of fuzzy dice whitoloolin."
"Why don't you take your pair of fuzzy dice and shove it in your hip?" Giovanni retorted.
The creature looked rapacious. "Tukofanu wrudidanym ykemoc, lygodob," it shrieked. "Giplevob!" it continued.
"Your face is a giplevob!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, childish creature; he was feeling unusually queer. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or flight mechanic. If he had been carrying a cobra, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sandman will be delighted to see you."
The creature swung slightly and waited. Then it rose up on its crusty legs, puffed out its carotid artery and bounded despondently toward him.
For the first time, Giovanni had the urge to run, but his shoulder was turning red and his legs refused to move.
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