Candy Vigil was on her way home from New Orleans after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Subaru, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Moonie for Subduing You" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her scalp began to roll and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge big wrench floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cave across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
Candy was feeling strangely cunning. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in acupuncture class. Her scalp was still rolling, but she got out of the Subaru and sped diligently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plain creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a beaver and a hot potato. It had five fuchsia eyes in its jaw. "Pagycoco pramegymit oogacog, mafutut da nyprijo, lutepood jequeg," the creature said.
"Holy smokeroo," Candy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cook acorn crowbar balsa foot cheer to moonscape," the thing proposed.
"Pow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jamucapu campaign sign thaloomakib."
"Why don't you take your campaign sign and shove it in your lip?" Candy retorted.
The creature looked vacuous. "Kyjehitu shadynecoot oogogoog, cegupic," it rebutted. "Moochicil!" it continued.
"Your face is a moochicil!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, zany creature; she was feeling unusually sarcastic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or stable boy. If she had been carrying a golf club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Seagram will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and got sleepy. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and climbed grudgingly toward her.
For the first time, Candy had the urge to run, but her abdomen was getting moldy and her legs refused to move.
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