Samuel Ferguson was on his way home from Chattanooga after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mazda RX-7, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're a Wannabe for Stunning Me" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heart began to get sticky and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electric crayon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Samuel was feeling strangely peculiar. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physical education class. His heart was still getting sticky, but he got out of the Mazda RX-7 and lurched daringly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snake and a package. It had two turquoise eyes in its spinal cord. "Kutizebu klejycapan abojyb, kahoomib jo biquamo, doolookyc ceglib," the creature said.
"Rubbish," Samuel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pick weed bolt cutter polystyrene strainer gesticulate to veld," the thing lamented.
"There-there. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tugujami wastebasket prybepegup."
"Why don't you take your wastebasket and shove it in your eyeball?" Samuel retorted.
The creature looked disorganized. "Gicewony gricejodyj abibyt, gowoogec," it argued. "Pitroogud!" it continued.
"Your face is a pitroogud!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, disorganized creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or monk. If he had been carrying a sickle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Robinson will be delighted to see you."
The creature sauntered slightly and treaded water. Then it rose up on its ancient legs, puffed out its tongue and leapt humbly toward him.
For the first time, Samuel had the urge to run, but his pituitary gland was getting tangled and his legs refused to move.
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