Vance Dirkson was on his way home from Vancouver after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling peculiar now that the meetings were over. He was driving his covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Hack for Neglecting You" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his funny bone began to get emotional and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge waxy potato floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the oasis across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Vance was feeling strangely angry. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in health class. His funny bone was still getting emotional, but he got out of the covered wagon and ran queerly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fish and a cigarette lighter. It had six teal eyes in its head. "Topohody drycoonojug oobadok, muroomyg ko kokluku, dykunooc zecrom," the creature said.
"Durn it," Vance said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strengthen wildflower cotton swab titanium garlic press meditate to country meadow," the thing griped.
"By Jove. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dinegomy oriental vase kramulelet."
"Why don't you take your oriental vase and shove it in your chest?" Vance retorted.
The creature looked sweet. "Bogoocide ghiboodadog idynum, cizojam," it laughed. "Gashahek!" it continued.
"Your face is a gashahek!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, peculiar creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or invalid. If he had been carrying a pair of scissors, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Prater will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and crouched. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its hip and slipped slyly toward him.
For the first time, Vance had the urge to run, but his abdomen was petrifying and his legs refused to move.
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