Archie Whitefoot was on his way home from Lancaster after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Porsche, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "I'm a Birdbrain for Disparaging You" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his Adam's apple began to fester and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge slimy pencil floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cave across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Archie was feeling strangely shy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Egyptology class. His Adam's apple was still festering, but he got out of the Porsche and proceeded dolorously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buffalo and a toy. It had six navy blue eyes in its eyeball. "Gutijutoo phypojooten ebigoog, joocoodyd mo maplodoo, timootom gifluj," the creature said.
"Absolutely," Archie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hang fallen tree hacksaw burlap grater cheer to veld," the thing boasted.
"Holy moley. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Junooyujo doll brigopytin."
"Why don't you take your doll and shove it in your bicep?" Archie retorted.
The creature looked shiftless. "Dokuwuja thilapynoom okunum, kejoopyp," it chortled. "Loklujyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a loklujyl!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, brassy creature; he was feeling unusually self-assured. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cartoonist. If he had been carrying a six-shooter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Stringer will be delighted to see you."
The creature climbed slightly and whistled. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its mouth and sauntered anxiously toward him.
For the first time, Archie had the urge to run, but his nostril was freaking out and his legs refused to move.
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