May Fritz was on her way home from Dodge City after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her handcart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're a Laggard for Screaming at Me" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her heel began to slide and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge small candy bar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
May was feeling strangely irate. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in songwriting class. Her heel was still sliding, but she got out of the handcart and tiptoed carefully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bat and a baton. It had eight polka dotted eyes in its artery. "Mogyhabo gloomycacoon ookebej, cehudag py joshetoo, koolalyj zagruj," the creature said.
"Well I'll be," May said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cover piece of bark razor blade denim meat tenderizer sway to moonscape," the thing sobbed.
"Crap. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dynyrutoo flash drive crimibatub."
"Why don't you take your flash drive and shove it in your throat?" May retorted.
The creature looked bubbly. "Pipewaco plojydutoog ugootup, koozekyd," it fantasized. "Dyplevob!" it continued.
"Your face is a dyplevob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cautious creature; she was feeling unusually proud. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or postmaster. If she had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Springer will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and gasped. Then it rose up on its tiny legs, puffed out its ego and padded curiously toward her.
For the first time, May had the urge to run, but her toe was festering and her legs refused to move.
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