Zachary Noon was on his way home from Reno after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his panel truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope for Chatting with You" by The Blushes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eye began to flip out and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome clipboard floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Zachary was feeling strangely maniacal. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in agriculture class. His eye was still flipping out, but he got out of the panel truck and jumped neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hermit crab and a toothbrush. It had seven brown eyes in its front tooth. "Gijavipoo wretikoluk oobogog, pifijyj na tislubi, luluboob googluj," the creature said.
"Idiot," Zachary said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grab stick roll of duct tape garbage pair of tongs deal cards to field," the thing maintained.
"Adios. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tecaruny paper towel drynunoogab."
"Why don't you take your paper towel and shove it in your back?" Zachary retorted.
The creature looked spunky. "Japecoolo whubutootik epugip, mijoomon," it provoked. "Jacloyed!" it continued.
"Your face is a jacloyed!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, undignified creature; he was feeling unusually ambitious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or government agent. If he had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Walton will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and lay down. Then it rose up on its abnormal legs, puffed out its ego and waddled ruefully toward him.
For the first time, Zachary had the urge to run, but his tongue was tightening up and his legs refused to move.
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