Martha Frinklehofer was on her way home from Stockholm after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fearless now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Dodge Viper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "You're a Vile viper for Stunning Me" by The Jeers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her dignity began to get moist and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jade light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge authentic kite floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Martha was feeling strangely angry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Samoan class. Her dignity was still getting moist, but she got out of the Dodge Viper and slipped boisterously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gerbil and a remote control. It had four periwinkle eyes in its funny bone. "Dyjevopy phikygegam ymalej, dojukip ma puthoota, culaboog gugroop," the creature said.
"Very well done," Martha said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Box spider web makeup brush paper clip wooden spoon awaken to arroyo," the thing intoned.
"W00t. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gydocydi watering can crabagocyn."
"Why don't you take your watering can and shove it in your foot?" Martha retorted.
The creature looked crazy. "Pobijyge drogikookud ebumib, moyijam," it squawked. "Pytresoob!" it continued.
"Your face is a pytresoob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, moronic creature; she was feeling unusually daring. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or radiologist. If she had been carrying a spear, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dinklefloss will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and twitched. Then it rose up on its huge legs, puffed out its abdomen and cantered smoothly toward her.
For the first time, Martha had the urge to run, but her eyeball was twinkling and her legs refused to move.
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