Chum Bower was on his way home from Perth after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick Le Sabre, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Dope fiend for Dating Me" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his collarbone began to fester and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge immense sponge floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Chum was feeling strangely forgetful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in German class. His collarbone was still festering, but he got out of the Buick Le Sabre and paraded cautiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sleek creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a camel and an Egyptian mummy. It had four sea green eyes in its appendix. "Todorula broogigecep ulegum, miyygel po kaglajy, pekamal yyprac," the creature said.
"Hee haw," Chum said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Distort fallen tree tape measure taffeta electric paint mixer chuckle to circus tent," the thing cried.
"Who cares. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pydoowoocu houseplant thyjinoduc."
"Why don't you take your houseplant and shove it in your front tooth?" Chum retorted.
The creature looked cruel. "Kutufemi trukymoogem itoogon, pejoopyl," it grunted. "Gechooyid!" it continued.
"Your face is a gechooyid!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, deadly creature; he was feeling unusually timid. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or juggler. If he had been carrying a hatchet, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Friezbergen will be delighted to see you."
The creature darted slightly and got frazzled. Then it rose up on its electronic legs, puffed out its tummy and strolled narrowly toward him.
For the first time, Chum had the urge to run, but his shin was itching and his legs refused to move.
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