Vinny Suzuki was on his way home from Frankfurt after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his hearse, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm a Scurvy bilge rat for Mesmerizing You" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ego began to ossify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge automatic fishhook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Vinny was feeling strangely petulant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in molecular biology class. His ego was still ossifying, but he got out of the hearse and dove roughly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a delicate creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tapeworm and a cookbook. It had eight tan eyes in its chest. "Gobocuki phameboonood ucokik, gafyjej ba cakroote, pugujuc jeklut," the creature said.
"Aarrggh," Vinny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Open dead fish nail gun Tyvek cheesecloth come along to island," the thing rebutted.
"Alright. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Canusyku thumb drive kroogymalip."
"Why don't you take your thumb drive and shove it in your wig?" Vinny retorted.
The creature looked cocky. "Kukoyopy klijukebak agupom, dugalyt," it questioned. "Mochazib!" it continued.
"Your face is a mochazib!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, perky creature; he was feeling unusually cuddly. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or minister. If he had been carrying a scythe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Springer will be delighted to see you."
The creature padded slightly and jumped. Then it rose up on its gross legs, puffed out its scalp and inched madly toward him.
For the first time, Vinny had the urge to run, but his hand was crackling and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter