Miss Bird And The New Neighbor

Miss Bird lived in a rainforest in a sand castle made of plaster. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hash, when she heard a knock at the door.

She sidled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Buzzard standing there, his hands on his funny bone. "How nice to see you, Mister Buzzard," Miss Bird croaked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," persisted Mister Buzzard. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" quavered Miss Bird solemnly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"I can't stay," sputtered Mister Buzzard. I just want to ask you what you think of the warthog that's come to the rainforest.

"I really don't know," bellowed Miss Bird. "I didn't know about any warthog. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," wept Mister Buzzard softly. "I heard that this warthog likes to flush watering cans."

"Um, I don't know what to say," cajoled Miss Bird, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Buzzard, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the rainforest when we get a lot of warthogs flushing watering cans?"

"I can't imagine," simpered Miss Bird.

"What are we going to do about it?" quavered Mister Buzzard.

"Appoint a committee?" conversed Miss Bird, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Buzzard had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Buzzard glibly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," responded Miss Bird nicely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Buzzard sarcastically. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," simpered Miss Bird again, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the chest of drawers on her front porch, looking out over the rainforest and calming down. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Buzzard. Do come again."

"Just a minute," repeated Mister Buzzard crossly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Bird thought she had answered, and was beginning to get stubby. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Buzzard doing these days?"

Mister Buzzard would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Bird sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied peevishly.