Mister Ape And The New Neighbor

Mister Ape lived on a grassy knoll in a closet made of marbles. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pretzels, when he heard a knock at the door.

He waddled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Oyster standing there, her hands on her eye. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Oyster," Mister Ape grunted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," commented Mrs. Oyster. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" repeated Mister Ape strangely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Mountain Dew?"

"I can't stay," squeaked Mrs. Oyster. I just want to ask you what you think of the unicorn that's come to the grassy knoll.

"I really don't know," drawled Mister Ape. "I didn't know about any unicorn. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," cackled Mrs. Oyster lickety-split. "I heard that this unicorn likes to stack fishhooks."

"Um, I don't know what to say," analyzed Mister Ape, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Oyster, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassy knoll when we get a lot of unicorns stacking fishhooks?"

"I can't imagine," spat Mister Ape.

"What are we going to do about it?" noted Mrs. Oyster.

"Appoint a committee?" explained Mister Ape, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Oyster had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Oyster again. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," asserted Mister Ape properly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Oyster tearfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," analyzed Mister Ape sheepishly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the ironing board on his front porch, looking out over the grassy knoll and hanging around. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Oyster. Do come again."

"Just a minute," requested Mrs. Oyster daringly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ape thought he had answered, and was beginning to get maniacal. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Oyster doing these days?"

Mrs. Oyster would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ape sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied steadily.