Mister Bandicoot And The New Neighbor

Mister Bandicoot lived in a pasture in a castle made of old bones. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover duck a l'orange, when he heard a knock at the door.

He made a beeline to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Eel standing there, her hands on her vein. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Eel," Mister Bandicoot sniped, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," boasted Mrs. Eel. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" uttered Mister Bandicoot resignedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a tequila sunrise?"

"I can't stay," concluded Mrs. Eel. I just want to ask you what you think of the cockroach that's come to the pasture.

"I really don't know," began Mister Bandicoot. "I didn't know about any cockroach. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," guessed Mrs. Eel oddly. "I heard that this cockroach likes to rock fire hoses."

"Um, I don't know what to say," stated Mister Bandicoot, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Eel, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the pasture when we get a lot of cockroaches rocking fire hoses?"

"I can't imagine," yowled Mister Bandicoot.

"What are we going to do about it?" snarled Mrs. Eel.

"Appoint a committee?" growled Mister Bandicoot, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Eel had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Eel joyously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," groveled Mister Bandicoot brashly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Eel nonchalantly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," agreed Mister Bandicoot brightly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the filing cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the pasture and passing out. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Eel. Do come again."

"Just a minute," sniffed Mrs. Eel defiantly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Bandicoot thought he had answered, and was beginning to get idiotic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Eel doing these days?"

Mrs. Eel would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Bandicoot sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied boldly.