Mister Phantom And The New Neighbor

Mister Phantom lived on a plateau in a KOA Kampground made of pewter. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover biscuits and gravy, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slithered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Hermit crab standing there, her hands on her eye. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Hermit crab," Mister Phantom quavered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," laughed Mrs. Hermit crab. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" vowed Mister Phantom unnaturally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a whiskey?"

"I can't stay," acknowledged Mrs. Hermit crab. I just want to ask you what you think of the jaguar that's come to the plateau.

"I really don't know," provoked Mister Phantom. "I didn't know about any jaguar. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," fretted Mrs. Hermit crab ingeniously. "I heard that this jaguar likes to refurbish balloons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," divulged Mister Phantom, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Hermit crab, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the plateau when we get a lot of jaguars refurbishing balloons?"

"I can't imagine," imitated Mister Phantom.

"What are we going to do about it?" winked Mrs. Hermit crab.

"Appoint a committee?" screeched Mister Phantom, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Hermit crab had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Hermit crab ignobly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," expressed Mister Phantom diligently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Hermit crab humbly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," murmured Mister Phantom softly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the carpet on his front porch, looking out over the plateau and dressing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Hermit crab. Do come again."

"Just a minute," urged Mrs. Hermit crab cautiously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Phantom thought he had answered, and was beginning to get fearless. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Hermit crab doing these days?"

Mrs. Hermit crab would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Phantom sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied busily.