Miss Sloth And The New Neighbor

Miss Sloth lived at a crime scene in a parsonage made of balsa. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover ravioli, when she heard a knock at the door.

She waltzed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Cougar standing there, her hands on her fingernail. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Cougar," Miss Sloth joked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," grunted Mrs. Cougar. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" simpered Miss Sloth pityingly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bloody Mary?"

"I can't stay," screeched Mrs. Cougar. I just want to ask you what you think of the turkey that's come to the crime scene.

"I really don't know," giggled Miss Sloth. "I didn't know about any turkey. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," spoke up Mrs. Cougar dolorously. "I heard that this turkey likes to score maps."

"Um, I don't know what to say," complained Miss Sloth, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Cougar, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the crime scene when we get a lot of turkeys scoring maps?"

"I can't imagine," blubbered Miss Sloth.

"What are we going to do about it?" piped up Mrs. Cougar.

"Appoint a committee?" yelped Miss Sloth, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Cougar had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Cougar lamely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," recited Miss Sloth bravely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Cougar noisily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," shouted Miss Sloth quietly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the hamper on her front porch, looking out over the crime scene and dawdling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Cougar. Do come again."

"Just a minute," cackled Mrs. Cougar primly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Sloth thought she had answered, and was beginning to get intelligent. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Cougar doing these days?"

Mrs. Cougar would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Sloth sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied ignobly.