Miss Colt And The New Neighbor

Miss Colt lived on a mountain in a trailer made of starch. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover burritos, when she heard a knock at the door.

She capered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Toad standing there, his hands on his kidney. "How nice to see you, Mister Toad," Miss Colt hinted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," concluded Mister Toad. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" lamented Miss Colt temperamentally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a bottle of Gatorade?"

"I can't stay," alleged Mister Toad. I just want to ask you what you think of the mouse that's come to the mountain.

"I really don't know," analyzed Miss Colt. "I didn't know about any mouse. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," belched Mister Toad fiercely. "I heard that this mouse likes to refine paper towels."

"Um, I don't know what to say," whined Miss Colt, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Toad, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountain when we get a lot of mice refining paper towels?"

"I can't imagine," interrupted Miss Colt.

"What are we going to do about it?" raved Mister Toad.

"Appoint a committee?" intimated Miss Colt, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Toad had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Toad cunningly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," professed Miss Colt noisily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Toad fearfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," spat Miss Colt properly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the toilet on her front porch, looking out over the mountain and turning blue. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Toad. Do come again."

"Just a minute," snorted Mister Toad ruefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Colt thought she had answered, and was beginning to get ungainly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Toad doing these days?"

Mister Toad would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Colt sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied ferociously.