Mister Cougar And The New Neighbor

Mister Cougar lived in a country meadow in a flat made of spandex. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover ceviche, when he heard a knock at the door.

He lurched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Boa constrictor standing there, her hands on her jaw. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Boa constrictor," Mister Cougar spoke up, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," vouched Mrs. Boa constrictor. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" contended Mister Cougar suavely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sarsaparilla?"

"I can't stay," guessed Mrs. Boa constrictor. I just want to ask you what you think of the hawk that's come to the country meadow.

"I really don't know," preached Mister Cougar. "I didn't know about any hawk. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," insisted Mrs. Boa constrictor temperamentally. "I heard that this hawk likes to score peace pipes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," remarked Mister Cougar, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Boa constrictor, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the country meadow when we get a lot of hawks scoring peace pipes?"

"I can't imagine," cajoled Mister Cougar.

"What are we going to do about it?" preached Mrs. Boa constrictor.

"Appoint a committee?" reasoned Mister Cougar, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Boa constrictor had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Boa constrictor lazily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," crooned Mister Cougar menacingly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Boa constrictor effortlessly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," barked Mister Cougar valiantly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the counter on his front porch, looking out over the country meadow and dealing cards. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Boa constrictor. Do come again."

"Just a minute," admitted Mrs. Boa constrictor warily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Cougar thought he had answered, and was beginning to get amiable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Boa constrictor doing these days?"

Mrs. Boa constrictor would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Cougar sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied hopefully.