Mister Ass And The New Neighbor

Mister Ass lived in a buffalo wallow in a motor home made of gold. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover egg drop soup, when he heard a knock at the door.

He barrelled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Butterfly standing there, her hands on her femur. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Butterfly," Mister Ass giggled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," yelped Mrs. Butterfly. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" shuddered Mister Ass sheepishly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a shot of tequila?"

"I can't stay," groaned Mrs. Butterfly. I just want to ask you what you think of the camel that's come to the buffalo wallow.

"I really don't know," chattered Mister Ass. "I didn't know about any camel. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," comforted Mrs. Butterfly madly. "I heard that this camel likes to soak pillows."

"Um, I don't know what to say," concluded Mister Ass, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Butterfly, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the buffalo wallow when we get a lot of camels soaking pillows?"

"I can't imagine," burbled Mister Ass.

"What are we going to do about it?" orated Mrs. Butterfly.

"Appoint a committee?" drawled Mister Ass, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Butterfly had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Butterfly lovingly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," noted Mister Ass busily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Butterfly strictly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," taunted Mister Ass sorrowfully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the pedestal on his front porch, looking out over the buffalo wallow and breathing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Butterfly. Do come again."

"Just a minute," screeched Mrs. Butterfly fiercely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ass thought he had answered, and was beginning to get beautiful. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Butterfly doing these days?"

Mrs. Butterfly would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ass sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied coolly.