Miss Gerbil And The New Neighbor

Miss Gerbil lived in a cornfield in a crypt made of uranium. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover wienerschnitzel, when she heard a knock at the door.

She barrelled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Jaguar standing there, her hands on her esophagus. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Jaguar," Miss Gerbil spat, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," worried Mrs. Jaguar. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" purred Miss Gerbil sweetly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"I can't stay," comforted Mrs. Jaguar. I just want to ask you what you think of the hamster that's come to the cornfield.

"I really don't know," sputtered Miss Gerbil. "I didn't know about any hamster. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," cackled Mrs. Jaguar brightly. "I heard that this hamster likes to fry clipboards."

"Um, I don't know what to say," scoffed Miss Gerbil, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Jaguar, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cornfield when we get a lot of hamsters frying clipboards?"

"I can't imagine," contended Miss Gerbil.

"What are we going to do about it?" laughed Mrs. Jaguar.

"Appoint a committee?" declared Miss Gerbil, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Jaguar had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Jaguar glumly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," squeaked Miss Gerbil unexpectedly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Jaguar confidently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," boasted Miss Gerbil demurely, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the pedestal on her front porch, looking out over the cornfield and getting sleepy. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Jaguar. Do come again."

"Just a minute," tittered Mrs. Jaguar despondently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Gerbil thought she had answered, and was beginning to get serious. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Jaguar doing these days?"

Mrs. Jaguar would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Gerbil sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied wryly.