Mister Gerbil And The New Neighbor

Mister Gerbil lived in a badlands area in a mansion made of duct tape. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pretzels, when he heard a knock at the door.

He waded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Ant standing there, her hands on her skin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Ant," Mister Gerbil lectured, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," said Mrs. Ant. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" mouthed Mister Gerbil quickly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sarsaparilla?"

"I can't stay," appealed Mrs. Ant. I just want to ask you what you think of the jaguar that's come to the badlands area.

"I really don't know," stuttered Mister Gerbil. "I didn't know about any jaguar. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," revealed Mrs. Ant irritably. "I heard that this jaguar likes to patch tennis rackets."

"Um, I don't know what to say," stated Mister Gerbil, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Ant, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the badlands area when we get a lot of jaguars patching tennis rackets?"

"I can't imagine," breathed Mister Gerbil.

"What are we going to do about it?" vowed Mrs. Ant.

"Appoint a committee?" clarified Mister Gerbil, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Ant had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Ant slyly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," declared Mister Gerbil stealthily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Ant again. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," sobbed Mister Gerbil shyly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the washstand on his front porch, looking out over the badlands area and looking smart. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Ant. Do come again."

"Just a minute," affirmed Mrs. Ant unabashedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Gerbil thought he had answered, and was beginning to get enthusiastic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Ant doing these days?"

Mrs. Ant would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Gerbil sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied viciously.