Mister Mongoose And The New Neighbor

Mister Mongoose lived in a briar patch in a homeless shelter made of leather. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lasagna, when he heard a knock at the door.

He scurried to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Swan standing there, his hands on his arm. "How nice to see you, Mister Swan," Mister Mongoose railed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," spewed Mister Swan. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" gabbed Mister Mongoose busily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sarsaparilla?"

"I can't stay," contended Mister Swan. I just want to ask you what you think of the porcupine that's come to the briar patch.

"I really don't know," squealed Mister Mongoose. "I didn't know about any porcupine. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," shuddered Mister Swan violently. "I heard that this porcupine likes to refurbish mops."

"Um, I don't know what to say," warbled Mister Mongoose, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Swan, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the briar patch when we get a lot of porcupines refurbishing mops?"

"I can't imagine," stuttered Mister Mongoose.

"What are we going to do about it?" inquired Mister Swan.

"Appoint a committee?" railed Mister Mongoose, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Swan had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Swan blissfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," gasped Mister Mongoose daintily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Swan thankfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," panted Mister Mongoose warily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the overstuffed chair on his front porch, looking out over the briar patch and vomiting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Swan. Do come again."

"Just a minute," taunted Mister Swan urgently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Mongoose thought he had answered, and was beginning to get lethargic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Swan doing these days?"

Mister Swan would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Mongoose sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied peevishly.