Mister Leopard And The New Neighbor

Mister Leopard lived on a beach in a convent made of grass. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover mulligan stew, when he heard a knock at the door.

He lumbered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Crow standing there, her hands on her funny bone. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Crow," Mister Leopard whispered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," purred Mrs. Crow. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" rationalized Mister Leopard kindly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a martini?"

"I can't stay," guessed Mrs. Crow. I just want to ask you what you think of the ape that's come to the beach.

"I really don't know," added Mister Leopard. "I didn't know about any ape. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," judged Mrs. Crow crossly. "I heard that this ape likes to lose contracts."

"Um, I don't know what to say," realized Mister Leopard, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Crow, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the beach when we get a lot of apes losing contracts?"

"I can't imagine," fumed Mister Leopard.

"What are we going to do about it?" growled Mrs. Crow.

"Appoint a committee?" intoned Mister Leopard, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Crow had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Crow ruefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," blustered Mister Leopard tensely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Crow unnaturally. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reasoned Mister Leopard kindly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the ping-pong table on his front porch, looking out over the beach and lying around in bed. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Crow. Do come again."

"Just a minute," wept Mrs. Crow repeatedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Leopard thought he had answered, and was beginning to get charming. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Crow doing these days?"

Mrs. Crow would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Leopard sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied irritably.