Mister Shrew And The New Neighbor

Mister Shrew lived on a wasteland in a hovel made of polyester. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chicken soup, when he heard a knock at the door.

He leapt to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Opossum standing there, her hands on her bladder. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Opossum," Mister Shrew chimed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," mused Mrs. Opossum. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" phrased Mister Shrew softly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bloody Mary?"

"I can't stay," exploded Mrs. Opossum. I just want to ask you what you think of the elk that's come to the wasteland.

"I really don't know," spat Mister Shrew. "I didn't know about any elk. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," snarled Mrs. Opossum oddly. "I heard that this elk likes to pluck flowerpots."

"Um, I don't know what to say," chattered Mister Shrew, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Opossum, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the wasteland when we get a lot of elk plucking flowerpots?"

"I can't imagine," clarified Mister Shrew.

"What are we going to do about it?" acknowledged Mrs. Opossum.

"Appoint a committee?" judged Mister Shrew, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Opossum had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Opossum solemnly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," smirked Mister Shrew gingerly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Opossum warmly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," cajoled Mister Shrew strictly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the workbench on his front porch, looking out over the wasteland and dawdling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Opossum. Do come again."

"Just a minute," called Mrs. Opossum uselessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Shrew thought he had answered, and was beginning to get nervous. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Opossum doing these days?"

Mrs. Opossum would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Shrew sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied peevishly.