Miss Ostrich And The New Neighbor

Miss Ostrich lived on a wasteland in a wigwam made of vinyl. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover country glazed ham, when she heard a knock at the door.

She went to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Garter snake standing there, her hands on her piehole. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Garter snake," Miss Ostrich laughed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," simpered Mrs. Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" complained Miss Ostrich curiously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of lemonade?"

"I can't stay," whispered Mrs. Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the mustang that's come to the wasteland.

"I really don't know," croaked Miss Ostrich. "I didn't know about any mustang. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," boasted Mrs. Garter snake firmly. "I heard that this mustang likes to interpret candy bars."

"Um, I don't know what to say," sniped Miss Ostrich, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the wasteland when we get a lot of mustangs interpreting candy bars?"

"I can't imagine," croaked Miss Ostrich.

"What are we going to do about it?" yelled Mrs. Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" imitated Miss Ostrich, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Garter snake fearlessly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," boasted Miss Ostrich grandly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Garter snake nimbly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," noted Miss Ostrich mysteriously, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bookcase on her front porch, looking out over the wasteland and typing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," vouched Mrs. Garter snake suddenly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Ostrich thought she had answered, and was beginning to get desperate. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Garter snake doing these days?"

Mrs. Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Ostrich sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied blankly.