Miss Boar And The New Neighbor

Miss Boar lived in a neighborhood in a Cape Cod made of rubble. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover dry toast, when she heard a knock at the door.

She sidled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Teddy bear standing there, his hands on his aorta. "How nice to see you, Mister Teddy bear," Miss Boar said, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," shuddered Mister Teddy bear. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" decided Miss Boar courageously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Scotch and soda?"

"I can't stay," exploded Mister Teddy bear. I just want to ask you what you think of the rooster that's come to the neighborhood.

"I really don't know," yowled Miss Boar. "I didn't know about any rooster. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," realized Mister Teddy bear viciously. "I heard that this rooster likes to balance chamber pots."

"Um, I don't know what to say," boomed Miss Boar, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Teddy bear, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the neighborhood when we get a lot of roosters balancing chamber pots?"

"I can't imagine," revealed Miss Boar.

"What are we going to do about it?" whimpered Mister Teddy bear.

"Appoint a committee?" argued Miss Boar, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Teddy bear had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Teddy bear sheepishly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," bellowed Miss Boar lamely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Teddy bear cleverly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," quoted Miss Boar fearfully, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the recliner on her front porch, looking out over the neighborhood and clearing out. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Teddy bear. Do come again."

"Just a minute," rationalized Mister Teddy bear blindly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Boar thought she had answered, and was beginning to get moody. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Teddy bear doing these days?"

Mister Teddy bear would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Boar sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied irritably.