Mister Warthog And The New Neighbor

Mister Warthog lived in a garden in a housing project made of axle grease. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover egg rolls, when he heard a knock at the door.

He sneaked to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Jaguar standing there, his hands on his eye. "How nice to see you, Mister Jaguar," Mister Warthog fantasized, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," trumpeted Mister Jaguar. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" belched Mister Warthog sharply, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sarsaparilla?"

"I can't stay," yawned Mister Jaguar. I just want to ask you what you think of the alligator that's come to the garden.

"I really don't know," interrupted Mister Warthog. "I didn't know about any alligator. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," pointed out Mister Jaguar mysteriously. "I heard that this alligator likes to analyze file folders."

"Um, I don't know what to say," roared Mister Warthog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Jaguar, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the garden when we get a lot of alligators analyzing file folders?"

"I can't imagine," demanded Mister Warthog.

"What are we going to do about it?" commented Mister Jaguar.

"Appoint a committee?" burbled Mister Warthog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Jaguar had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Jaguar boldly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," groveled Mister Warthog intensely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Jaguar blindly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," insisted Mister Warthog craftily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the china cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the garden and coming over. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Jaguar. Do come again."

"Just a minute," implored Mister Jaguar nimbly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Warthog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get crazy. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Jaguar doing these days?"

Mister Jaguar would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Warthog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied despondently.