Miss Louse And The New Neighbor

Miss Louse lived in a glen in a sod house made of marble. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sweet potatoes, when she heard a knock at the door.

She tumbled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Cockatiel standing there, his hands on his cheek. "How nice to see you, Mister Cockatiel," Miss Louse revealed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," answered Mister Cockatiel. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" blathered Miss Louse gingerly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a kamikaze?"

"I can't stay," offered Mister Cockatiel. I just want to ask you what you think of the leopard that's come to the glen.

"I really don't know," squeaked Miss Louse. "I didn't know about any leopard. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," gasped Mister Cockatiel properly. "I heard that this leopard likes to break umbrellas."

"Um, I don't know what to say," harangued Miss Louse, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Cockatiel, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the glen when we get a lot of leopards breaking umbrellas?"

"I can't imagine," reacted Miss Louse.

"What are we going to do about it?" implored Mister Cockatiel.

"Appoint a committee?" expressed Miss Louse, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Cockatiel had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Cockatiel repeatedly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," informed Miss Louse nicely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Cockatiel sagely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," hummed Miss Louse caustically, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the mattress on her front porch, looking out over the glen and dying. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Cockatiel. Do come again."

"Just a minute," railed Mister Cockatiel narrowly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Louse thought she had answered, and was beginning to get obnoxious. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Cockatiel doing these days?"

Mister Cockatiel would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Louse sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied sheepishly.