Mister Peacock And The New Neighbor

Mister Peacock lived on a mountainside in a closet made of flax. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hors d'oeuvre, when he heard a knock at the door.

He flounced to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Ass standing there, his hands on his ear. "How nice to see you, Mister Ass," Mister Peacock begged, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," asserted Mister Ass. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" exploded Mister Peacock courageously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Scotch and soda?"

"I can't stay," squealed Mister Ass. I just want to ask you what you think of the ladybug that's come to the mountainside.

"I really don't know," whined Mister Peacock. "I didn't know about any ladybug. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," maintained Mister Ass nervously. "I heard that this ladybug likes to return business cards."

"Um, I don't know what to say," exploded Mister Peacock, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Ass, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountainside when we get a lot of ladybugs returning business cards?"

"I can't imagine," babbled Mister Peacock.

"What are we going to do about it?" swore Mister Ass.

"Appoint a committee?" rebutted Mister Peacock, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Ass had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Ass impatiently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," agreed Mister Peacock craftily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Ass defiantly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," rumored Mister Peacock warmly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bookcase on his front porch, looking out over the mountainside and raising an eyebrow. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Ass. Do come again."

"Just a minute," screeched Mister Ass energetically. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Peacock thought he had answered, and was beginning to get sober. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Ass doing these days?"

Mister Ass would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Peacock sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied surreptitiously.