Miss Walrus And The New Neighbor

Miss Walrus lived in a marsh in a manor made of pillows. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover ramen noodles, when she heard a knock at the door.

She tore to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Sasquatch standing there, her hands on her vein. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Sasquatch," Miss Walrus began, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," avowed Mrs. Sasquatch. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" alleged Miss Walrus fervently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a mint julep?"

"I can't stay," spat Mrs. Sasquatch. I just want to ask you what you think of the squirrel that's come to the marsh.

"I really don't know," responded Miss Walrus. "I didn't know about any squirrel. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," said Mrs. Sasquatch ignobly. "I heard that this squirrel likes to open nails."

"Um, I don't know what to say," pointed out Miss Walrus, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Sasquatch, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the marsh when we get a lot of squirrels opening nails?"

"I can't imagine," complained Miss Walrus.

"What are we going to do about it?" laughed Mrs. Sasquatch.

"Appoint a committee?" worried Miss Walrus, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Sasquatch had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Sasquatch caustically. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," roared Miss Walrus tensely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Sasquatch sagely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," opined Miss Walrus hysterically, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bookcase on her front porch, looking out over the marsh and passing out. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Sasquatch. Do come again."

"Just a minute," chimed Mrs. Sasquatch arrogantly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Walrus thought she had answered, and was beginning to get undignified. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Sasquatch doing these days?"

Mrs. Sasquatch would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Walrus sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied courageously.