Mister Manticore And The New Neighbor

Mister Manticore lived in a cave in a condominium made of old tires. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pumpkin pie, when he heard a knock at the door.

He ambled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Lovebird standing there, her hands on her gut. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Lovebird," Mister Manticore snorted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," cajoled Mrs. Lovebird. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" cackled Mister Manticore frantically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"I can't stay," remarked Mrs. Lovebird. I just want to ask you what you think of the finch that's come to the cave.

"I really don't know," stammered Mister Manticore. "I didn't know about any finch. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," roared Mrs. Lovebird urgently. "I heard that this finch likes to seal clams."

"Um, I don't know what to say," suggested Mister Manticore, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Lovebird, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cave when we get a lot of finches sealing clams?"

"I can't imagine," breathed Mister Manticore.

"What are we going to do about it?" revealed Mrs. Lovebird.

"Appoint a committee?" pointed out Mister Manticore, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Lovebird had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Lovebird boisterously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," cajoled Mister Manticore repeatedly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Lovebird surreptitiously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," divulged Mister Manticore irritably, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the desk on his front porch, looking out over the cave and staring. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Lovebird. Do come again."

"Just a minute," quavered Mrs. Lovebird sourly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Manticore thought he had answered, and was beginning to get stinky. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Lovebird doing these days?"

Mrs. Lovebird would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Manticore sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied unnaturally.