Mister Bandicoot And The New Neighbor

Mister Bandicoot lived beside a river in a wikiup made of plaster. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover duck a l'orange, when he heard a knock at the door.

He capered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Pheasant standing there, his hands on his collarbone. "How nice to see you, Mister Pheasant," Mister Bandicoot decided, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," barked Mister Pheasant. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" inquired Mister Bandicoot anxiously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a mint julep?"

"I can't stay," preached Mister Pheasant. I just want to ask you what you think of the porcupine that's come to the river.

"I really don't know," railed Mister Bandicoot. "I didn't know about any porcupine. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," imitated Mister Pheasant perkily. "I heard that this porcupine likes to photograph smart phones."

"Um, I don't know what to say," chattered Mister Bandicoot, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Pheasant, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the river when we get a lot of porcupines photographing smart phones?"

"I can't imagine," invited Mister Bandicoot.

"What are we going to do about it?" avowed Mister Pheasant.

"Appoint a committee?" winked Mister Bandicoot, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Pheasant had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Pheasant arrogantly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," yawned Mister Bandicoot irritably, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Pheasant neatly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," blubbered Mister Bandicoot bravely, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the ottoman on his front porch, looking out over the river and awakening. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Pheasant. Do come again."

"Just a minute," acknowledged Mister Pheasant briskly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Bandicoot thought he had answered, and was beginning to get boring. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Pheasant doing these days?"

Mister Pheasant would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Bandicoot sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied woefully.