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Mister Hog And The New Neighbor


Mister Hog lived on a mesa in a teepee made of axle grease. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover country glazed ham, when he heard a knock at the door.

He cantered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.


He was surprised to see Mister Cockroach standing there, his hands on his lip. "How nice to see you, Mister Cockroach," Mister Hog intoned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," spat Mister Cockroach. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" mouthed Mister Hog vigorously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Long Island iced tea?"

"I can't stay," sneered Mister Cockroach. I just want to ask you what you think of the coyote that's come to the mesa.


"I really don't know," barked Mister Hog. "I didn't know about any coyote. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," sputtered Mister Cockroach clumsily. "I heard that this coyote likes to vacuum sticks of gum."

"Um, I don't know what to say," decided Mister Hog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Cockroach, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mesa when we get a lot of coyotes vacuuming sticks of gum?"

"I can't imagine," raved Mister Hog.

"What are we going to do about it?" smiled Mister Cockroach.

"Appoint a committee?" instructed Mister Hog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Cockroach had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Cockroach testily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," bawled Mister Hog demurely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Cockroach truculently. "You always have such good ideas."

wine rack

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," drawled Mister Hog merrily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the wine rack on his front porch, looking out over the mesa and chewing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Cockroach. Do come again."

"Just a minute," called Mister Cockroach bitterly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get friendly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Cockroach doing these days?"

Mister Cockroach would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied languidly.