Mister Parakeet And The New Neighbor

Mister Parakeet lived in a field in an office made of titanium. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hors d'oeuvre, when he heard a knock at the door.

He reeled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Jackal standing there, her hands on her carotid artery. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Jackal," Mister Parakeet smiled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," queried Mrs. Jackal. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" enunciated Mister Parakeet lamely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Mai Tai?"

"I can't stay," added Mrs. Jackal. I just want to ask you what you think of the cougar that's come to the field.

"I really don't know," stuttered Mister Parakeet. "I didn't know about any cougar. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," whimpered Mrs. Jackal dolorously. "I heard that this cougar likes to comprehend pieces of chalk."

"Um, I don't know what to say," vowed Mister Parakeet, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Jackal, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the field when we get a lot of cougars comprehending pieces of chalk?"

"I can't imagine," sneered Mister Parakeet.

"What are we going to do about it?" chuckled Mrs. Jackal.

"Appoint a committee?" stammered Mister Parakeet, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Jackal had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Jackal suddenly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," whined Mister Parakeet queerly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Jackal accidentally. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," provoked Mister Parakeet frenetically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the wine rack on his front porch, looking out over the field and rocking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Jackal. Do come again."

"Just a minute," boomed Mrs. Jackal madly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Parakeet thought he had answered, and was beginning to get hysterical. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Jackal doing these days?"

Mrs. Jackal would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Parakeet sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied neatly.