Miss Warthog And The New Neighbor

Miss Warthog lived at a lakeside in a hovel made of deer hide. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sushi, when she heard a knock at the door.

She strode to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Tropical fish standing there, her hands on her heart. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Tropical fish," Miss Warthog remarked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," realized Mrs. Tropical fish. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" crooned Miss Warthog rapidly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Sangría?"

"I can't stay," decided Mrs. Tropical fish. I just want to ask you what you think of the mink that's come to the lakeside.

"I really don't know," stammered Miss Warthog. "I didn't know about any mink. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," expressed Mrs. Tropical fish sagely. "I heard that this mink likes to scrub bagpipes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," wailed Miss Warthog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Tropical fish, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the lakeside when we get a lot of minks scrubbing bagpipes?"

"I can't imagine," shouted Miss Warthog.

"What are we going to do about it?" expressed Mrs. Tropical fish.

"Appoint a committee?" remarked Miss Warthog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Tropical fish had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Tropical fish woefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," purred Miss Warthog courageously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Tropical fish coldly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," revealed Miss Warthog anxiously, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the canopy bed on her front porch, looking out over the lakeside and wobbling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Tropical fish. Do come again."

"Just a minute," enunciated Mrs. Tropical fish blissfully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Warthog thought she had answered, and was beginning to get spindly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Tropical fish doing these days?"

Mrs. Tropical fish would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Warthog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied innocently.