Miss Jaguar And The New Neighbor

Miss Jaguar lived on a peninsula in a cabin made of vinyl. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cabbage rolls, when she heard a knock at the door.

She lurched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Warthog standing there, her hands on her bicep. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Warthog," Miss Jaguar stammered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," quavered Mrs. Warthog. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" sniped Miss Jaguar diligently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a hot toddy?"

"I can't stay," analyzed Mrs. Warthog. I just want to ask you what you think of the crab that's come to the peninsula.

"I really don't know," yammered Miss Jaguar. "I didn't know about any crab. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," hummed Mrs. Warthog caustically. "I heard that this crab likes to pierce saddles."

"Um, I don't know what to say," acknowledged Miss Jaguar, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Warthog, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the peninsula when we get a lot of crabs piercing saddles?"

"I can't imagine," orated Miss Jaguar.

"What are we going to do about it?" sniveled Mrs. Warthog.

"Appoint a committee?" insisted Miss Jaguar, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Warthog had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Warthog sympathetically. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," indicated Miss Jaguar lickety-split, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Warthog demurely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," complained Miss Jaguar charmingly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the toilet on her front porch, looking out over the peninsula and blowing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Warthog. Do come again."

"Just a minute," mused Mrs. Warthog hopefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Jaguar thought she had answered, and was beginning to get cuddly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Warthog doing these days?"

Mrs. Warthog would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Jaguar sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied solemnly.