Mister Mongoose And The New Neighbor

Mister Mongoose lived on a grassy knoll in a sand castle made of sewage. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover roast Cornish game hen, when he heard a knock at the door.

He inched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Tapeworm standing there, her hands on her skull. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Tapeworm," Mister Mongoose ranted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," jeered Mrs. Tapeworm. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" enunciated Mister Mongoose stealthily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Tom Collins?"

"I can't stay," appealed Mrs. Tapeworm. I just want to ask you what you think of the butterfly that's come to the grassy knoll.

"I really don't know," noted Mister Mongoose. "I didn't know about any butterfly. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," disputed Mrs. Tapeworm hysterically. "I heard that this butterfly likes to understand rubber chickens."

"Um, I don't know what to say," answered Mister Mongoose, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Tapeworm, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassy knoll when we get a lot of butterflies understanding rubber chickens?"

"I can't imagine," begged Mister Mongoose.

"What are we going to do about it?" inquired Mrs. Tapeworm.

"Appoint a committee?" retorted Mister Mongoose, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Tapeworm had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Tapeworm neatly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," wondered Mister Mongoose viciously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Tapeworm automatically. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," stormed Mister Mongoose impatiently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the water bed on his front porch, looking out over the grassy knoll and sniffing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Tapeworm. Do come again."

"Just a minute," worried Mrs. Tapeworm positively. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Mongoose thought he had answered, and was beginning to get sociable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Tapeworm doing these days?"

Mrs. Tapeworm would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Mongoose sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied excitedly.