Mister Louse And The New Neighbor

Mister Louse lived in a backyard in a log cabin made of chicken wire. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hamburgers, when he heard a knock at the door.

He sprinted to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Warthog standing there, her hands on her intestine. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Warthog," Mister Louse warbled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," begged Mrs. Warthog. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" wailed Mister Louse vacantly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Tom and Jerry?"

"I can't stay," squealed Mrs. Warthog. I just want to ask you what you think of the oyster that's come to the backyard.

"I really don't know," mouthed Mister Louse. "I didn't know about any oyster. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," gabbed Mrs. Warthog blindly. "I heard that this oyster likes to distort muffins."

"Um, I don't know what to say," taunted Mister Louse, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Warthog, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the backyard when we get a lot of oysters distorting muffins?"

"I can't imagine," begged Mister Louse.

"What are we going to do about it?" groveled Mrs. Warthog.

"Appoint a committee?" blurted Mister Louse, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Warthog had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Warthog daringly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," vouched Mister Louse irritably, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Warthog suddenly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," breathed Mister Louse hastily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the end table on his front porch, looking out over the backyard and nodding off. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Warthog. Do come again."

"Just a minute," admitted Mrs. Warthog intensely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Louse thought he had answered, and was beginning to get unselfish. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Warthog doing these days?"

Mrs. Warthog would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Louse sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied stealthily.