Mister Groundhog And The New Neighbor

Mister Groundhog lived in a cesspool in a mud hut made of old newspapers. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cabbage, when he heard a knock at the door.

He galloped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Beagle standing there, her hands on her chest. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Beagle," Mister Groundhog offered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," railed Mrs. Beagle. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" whined Mister Groundhog tenderly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Mountain Dew?"

"I can't stay," snorted Mrs. Beagle. I just want to ask you what you think of the hippopotamus that's come to the cesspool.

"I really don't know," said Mister Groundhog. "I didn't know about any hippopotamus. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," rebutted Mrs. Beagle viciously. "I heard that this hippopotamus likes to break magnets."

"Um, I don't know what to say," called Mister Groundhog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Beagle, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cesspool when we get a lot of hippopotami breaking magnets?"

"I can't imagine," purred Mister Groundhog.

"What are we going to do about it?" said Mrs. Beagle.

"Appoint a committee?" rationalized Mister Groundhog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Beagle had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Beagle lamely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," fantasized Mister Groundhog fondly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Beagle sourly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," muttered Mister Groundhog briskly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the china cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the cesspool and glowering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Beagle. Do come again."

"Just a minute," screamed Mrs. Beagle impatiently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Groundhog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get haughty. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Beagle doing these days?"

Mrs. Beagle would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Groundhog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied slowly.