Mister Bat And The New Neighbor

Mister Bat lived on a plateau in a homeless shelter made of sandstone. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pretzels, when he heard a knock at the door.

He skipped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Bat standing there, her hands on her little finger. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Bat," Mister Bat blubbered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," groaned Mrs. Bat. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" accused Mister Bat hopelessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of champagne?"

"I can't stay," spewed Mrs. Bat. I just want to ask you what you think of the bunny that's come to the plateau.

"I really don't know," fantasized Mister Bat. "I didn't know about any bunny. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," burbled Mrs. Bat excitedly. "I heard that this bunny likes to scratch flashlights."

"Um, I don't know what to say," requested Mister Bat, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Bat, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the plateau when we get a lot of bunnies scratching flashlights?"

"I can't imagine," spat Mister Bat.

"What are we going to do about it?" noted Mrs. Bat.

"Appoint a committee?" grieved Mister Bat, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Bat had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Bat lamely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," railed Mister Bat zestily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Bat warmly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," chuckled Mister Bat deliberately, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bench on his front porch, looking out over the plateau and squeaking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Bat. Do come again."

"Just a minute," purred Mrs. Bat speedily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Bat thought he had answered, and was beginning to get disgusting. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Bat doing these days?"

Mrs. Bat would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Bat sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied caustically.