Mister Ape And The New Neighbor

Mister Ape lived on a seacoast in a subway tunnel made of rock. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover shrimp, when he heard a knock at the door.

He bounced to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Newt standing there, her hands on her wig. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Newt," Mister Ape began, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," commented Mrs. Newt. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" gabbed Mister Ape unabashedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a root beer float?"

"I can't stay," began Mrs. Newt. I just want to ask you what you think of the spider that's come to the seacoast.

"I really don't know," barked Mister Ape. "I didn't know about any spider. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," hummed Mrs. Newt joyously. "I heard that this spider likes to grease twigs."

"Um, I don't know what to say," shouted Mister Ape, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Newt, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the seacoast when we get a lot of spiders greasing twigs?"

"I can't imagine," began Mister Ape.

"What are we going to do about it?" bellowed Mrs. Newt.

"Appoint a committee?" instructed Mister Ape, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Newt had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Newt softly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," continued Mister Ape crazily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Newt despondently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," cried Mister Ape doubtfully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the computer on his front porch, looking out over the seacoast and leering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Newt. Do come again."

"Just a minute," reminded Mrs. Newt properly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ape thought he had answered, and was beginning to get confident. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Newt doing these days?"

Mrs. Newt would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ape sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied sleepily.