Mister Anaconda And The New Neighbor

Mister Anaconda lived on a peninsula in a chateau made of wood. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hamburgers, when he heard a knock at the door.

He tramped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Ape standing there, his hands on his esophagus. "How nice to see you, Mister Ape," Mister Anaconda quoted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," stormed Mister Ape. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" screeched Mister Anaconda bitterly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a chamomile tea?"

"I can't stay," said Mister Ape. I just want to ask you what you think of the reindeer that's come to the peninsula.

"I really don't know," vowed Mister Anaconda. "I didn't know about any reindeer. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," pointed out Mister Ape calmly. "I heard that this reindeer likes to glue hacksaws."

"Um, I don't know what to say," prattled Mister Anaconda, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Ape, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the peninsula when we get a lot of reindeer gluing hacksaws?"

"I can't imagine," chanted Mister Anaconda.

"What are we going to do about it?" instructed Mister Ape.

"Appoint a committee?" implored Mister Anaconda, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Ape had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Ape tenderly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," voiced Mister Anaconda gingerly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Ape crazily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," sputtered Mister Anaconda irritably, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the windowsill on his front porch, looking out over the peninsula and grimacing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Ape. Do come again."

"Just a minute," bawled Mister Ape crossly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Anaconda thought he had answered, and was beginning to get absent-minded. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Ape doing these days?"

Mister Ape would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Anaconda sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied valiantly.