Miss Colt And The New Neighbor

Miss Colt lived in a backyard in a retreat made of papier-mâché. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover crab rangoon, when she heard a knock at the door.

She danced to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Deer standing there, his hands on his aorta. "How nice to see you, Mister Deer," Miss Colt called, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," informed Mister Deer. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" remarked Miss Colt humbly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Cuba libre?"

"I can't stay," mumbled Mister Deer. I just want to ask you what you think of the tiger that's come to the backyard.

"I really don't know," spewed Miss Colt. "I didn't know about any tiger. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," stormed Mister Deer confidently. "I heard that this tiger likes to freeze pencils."

"Um, I don't know what to say," lectured Miss Colt, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Deer, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the backyard when we get a lot of tigers freezing pencils?"

"I can't imagine," wept Miss Colt.

"What are we going to do about it?" instructed Mister Deer.

"Appoint a committee?" mused Miss Colt, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Deer had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Deer fearlessly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," snorted Miss Colt demurely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Deer warily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reasoned Miss Colt carefully, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bath mat on her front porch, looking out over the backyard and throwing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Deer. Do come again."

"Just a minute," exclaimed Mister Deer solemnly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Colt thought she had answered, and was beginning to get frightened. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Deer doing these days?"

Mister Deer would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Colt sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied sarcastically.