Miss Ape And The New Neighbor

Miss Ape lived on a plateau in a KOA Kampground made of ceramic. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover wienerschnitzel, when she heard a knock at the door.

She dove to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Louse standing there, his hands on his gall bladder. "How nice to see you, Mister Louse," Miss Ape said, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," opined Mister Louse. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" squeaked Miss Ape unnaturally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sarsaparilla?"

"I can't stay," spewed Mister Louse. I just want to ask you what you think of the deer that's come to the plateau.

"I really don't know," sputtered Miss Ape. "I didn't know about any deer. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," rambled Mister Louse boldly. "I heard that this deer likes to annoint spinning wheels."

"Um, I don't know what to say," simpered Miss Ape, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Louse, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the plateau when we get a lot of deer annointing spinning wheels?"

"I can't imagine," snarled Miss Ape.

"What are we going to do about it?" offered Mister Louse.

"Appoint a committee?" squealed Miss Ape, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Louse had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Louse queerly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," informed Miss Ape cruelly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Louse cleverly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," asserted Miss Ape pitifully, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bar stool on her front porch, looking out over the plateau and leering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Louse. Do come again."

"Just a minute," whispered Mister Louse strangely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Ape thought she had answered, and was beginning to get earnest. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Louse doing these days?"

Mister Louse would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Ape sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied mysteriously.