Miss Goldfish And The New Neighbor

Miss Goldfish lived on a steppe in a hut made of old rags. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover Hamburger Helper, when she heard a knock at the door.

She slunk to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Gopher standing there, her hands on her throat. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Gopher," Miss Goldfish voiced, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," concluded Mrs. Gopher. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" recited Miss Goldfish softly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of buttermilk?"

"I can't stay," griped Mrs. Gopher. I just want to ask you what you think of the dog that's come to the steppe.

"I really don't know," croaked Miss Goldfish. "I didn't know about any dog. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," wept Mrs. Gopher brightly. "I heard that this dog likes to tweak cupcakes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," appealed Miss Goldfish, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Gopher, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the steppe when we get a lot of dogs tweaking cupcakes?"

"I can't imagine," clarified Miss Goldfish.

"What are we going to do about it?" emphasized Mrs. Gopher.

"Appoint a committee?" drawled Miss Goldfish, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Gopher had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Gopher lickety-split. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," squawked Miss Goldfish glumly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Gopher sheepishly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," screeched Miss Goldfish unnaturally, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bookshelf on her front porch, looking out over the steppe and cringing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Gopher. Do come again."

"Just a minute," griped Mrs. Gopher excitedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Goldfish thought she had answered, and was beginning to get disorganized. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Gopher doing these days?"

Mrs. Gopher would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Goldfish sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied irritably.