Mister Spider And The New Neighbor

Mister Spider lived in a swamp in a Cape Cod made of nylon. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover catfish stew, when he heard a knock at the door.

He galumphed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Leopard standing there, his hands on his thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mister Leopard," Mister Spider pleaded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," continued Mister Leopard. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" sneered Mister Spider suavely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a hot buttered rum?"

"I can't stay," giggled Mister Leopard. I just want to ask you what you think of the frog that's come to the swamp.

"I really don't know," admitted Mister Spider. "I didn't know about any frog. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," instructed Mister Leopard effortlessly. "I heard that this frog likes to strike fishing rods."

"Um, I don't know what to say," nattered Mister Spider, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Leopard, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the swamp when we get a lot of frogs striking fishing rods?"

"I can't imagine," burbled Mister Spider.

"What are we going to do about it?" howled Mister Leopard.

"Appoint a committee?" squawked Mister Spider, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Leopard had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Leopard rapidly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," asserted Mister Spider quietly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Leopard offhandedly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," amended Mister Spider hysterically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the canopy bed on his front porch, looking out over the swamp and getting along. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Leopard. Do come again."

"Just a minute," intimated Mister Leopard automatically. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Spider thought he had answered, and was beginning to get amiable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Leopard doing these days?"

Mister Leopard would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Spider sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied noisily.