Miss Salamander And The New Neighbor

Miss Salamander lived at a seashore in a house made of Portland cement. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover burritos, when she heard a knock at the door.

She slid to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Goat standing there, her hands on her nostril. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Goat," Miss Salamander explained, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," nattered Mrs. Goat. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" quoted Miss Salamander deliberately, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of tomato juice?"

"I can't stay," fantasized Mrs. Goat. I just want to ask you what you think of the rabbit that's come to the seashore.

"I really don't know," blustered Miss Salamander. "I didn't know about any rabbit. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," stammered Mrs. Goat roughly. "I heard that this rabbit likes to switch diamonds."

"Um, I don't know what to say," repeated Miss Salamander, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Goat, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the seashore when we get a lot of rabbits switching diamonds?"

"I can't imagine," jeered Miss Salamander.

"What are we going to do about it?" groveled Mrs. Goat.

"Appoint a committee?" squealed Miss Salamander, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Goat had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Goat humbly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," commented Miss Salamander proudly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Goat needlessly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," uttered Miss Salamander menacingly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the stairway on her front porch, looking out over the seashore and getting dizzy. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Goat. Do come again."

"Just a minute," added Mrs. Goat deftly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Salamander thought she had answered, and was beginning to get thoughtful. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Goat doing these days?"

Mrs. Goat would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Salamander sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied hopelessly.