Miss Gopher And The New Neighbor

Miss Gopher lived in a canyon in a hovel made of steel. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover egg rolls, when she heard a knock at the door.

She zipped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Gecko standing there, her hands on her thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Gecko," Miss Gopher boomed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," boasted Mrs. Gecko. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" professed Miss Gopher roughly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a V8?"

"I can't stay," expressed Mrs. Gecko. I just want to ask you what you think of the oyster that's come to the canyon.

"I really don't know," ranted Miss Gopher. "I didn't know about any oyster. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," sighed Mrs. Gecko crazily. "I heard that this oyster likes to scratch pearls."

"Um, I don't know what to say," grunted Miss Gopher, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Gecko, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the canyon when we get a lot of oysters scratching pearls?"

"I can't imagine," informed Miss Gopher.

"What are we going to do about it?" hissed Mrs. Gecko.

"Appoint a committee?" purred Miss Gopher, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Gecko had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Gecko strangely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," chimed Miss Gopher hopelessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Gecko rapidly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," divulged Miss Gopher peevishly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bed on her front porch, looking out over the canyon and slobbering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Gecko. Do come again."

"Just a minute," hinted Mrs. Gecko sadly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Gopher thought she had answered, and was beginning to get solitary. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Gecko doing these days?"

Mrs. Gecko would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Gopher sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied dubiously.