Mister Bat And The New Neighbor

Mister Bat lived in a swamp in a nunnery made of reeds. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover crab rangoon, when he heard a knock at the door.

He trekked to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Turtle standing there, her hands on her skin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Turtle," Mister Bat taunted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," chimed Mrs. Turtle. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" proposed Mister Bat queerly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bloody Mary?"

"I can't stay," sneered Mrs. Turtle. I just want to ask you what you think of the antelope that's come to the swamp.

"I really don't know," croaked Mister Bat. "I didn't know about any antelope. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," roared Mrs. Turtle diligently. "I heard that this antelope likes to wash fishing rods."

"Um, I don't know what to say," harangued Mister Bat, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Turtle, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the swamp when we get a lot of antelopes washing fishing rods?"

"I can't imagine," rambled Mister Bat.

"What are we going to do about it?" boasted Mrs. Turtle.

"Appoint a committee?" smirked Mister Bat, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Turtle had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Turtle dreamily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," hissed Mister Bat blissfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Turtle defiantly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," grunted Mister Bat sagely, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the toilet on his front porch, looking out over the swamp and shaking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Turtle. Do come again."

"Just a minute," groveled Mrs. Turtle noisily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Bat thought he had answered, and was beginning to get arrogant. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Turtle doing these days?"

Mrs. Turtle would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Bat sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied crossly.