Mister Lovebird And The New Neighbor

Mister Lovebird lived in a cave in an igloo made of lead. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover Cheerios, when he heard a knock at the door.

He hobbled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Doggie standing there, her hands on her heel. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Doggie," Mister Lovebird pleaded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," voiced Mrs. Doggie. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" simpered Mister Lovebird swiftly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a rum and Coke?"

"I can't stay," urged Mrs. Doggie. I just want to ask you what you think of the tropical fish that's come to the cave.

"I really don't know," articulated Mister Lovebird. "I didn't know about any tropical fish. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," explained Mrs. Doggie violently. "I heard that this tropical fish likes to pulverize Band-aids."

"Um, I don't know what to say," asserted Mister Lovebird, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Doggie, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cave when we get a lot of tropical fish pulverizing Band-aids?"

"I can't imagine," intimated Mister Lovebird.

"What are we going to do about it?" offered Mrs. Doggie.

"Appoint a committee?" babbled Mister Lovebird, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Doggie had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Doggie dolorously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," acknowledged Mister Lovebird hungrily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Doggie neatly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," boomed Mister Lovebird trustingly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the settee on his front porch, looking out over the cave and jiggling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Doggie. Do come again."

"Just a minute," ranted Mrs. Doggie quietly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Lovebird thought he had answered, and was beginning to get depraved. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Doggie doing these days?"

Mrs. Doggie would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Lovebird sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied gruffly.