Mister Tarantula And The New Neighbor

Mister Tarantula lived in a pasture in a geodesic dome made of manure. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cabbage rolls, when he heard a knock at the door.

He straggled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Pigeon standing there, his hands on his big toe. "How nice to see you, Mister Pigeon," Mister Tarantula invited, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," accused Mister Pigeon. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" ranted Mister Tarantula bitterly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a gin fizz?"

"I can't stay," wondered Mister Pigeon. I just want to ask you what you think of the jaguar that's come to the pasture.

"I really don't know," pointed out Mister Tarantula. "I didn't know about any jaguar. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," said Mister Pigeon nimbly. "I heard that this jaguar likes to switch ingots of plutonium."

"Um, I don't know what to say," alleged Mister Tarantula, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Pigeon, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the pasture when we get a lot of jaguars switching ingots of plutonium?"

"I can't imagine," pronounced Mister Tarantula.

"What are we going to do about it?" pointed out Mister Pigeon.

"Appoint a committee?" guessed Mister Tarantula, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Pigeon had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Pigeon boldly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," belched Mister Tarantula admiringly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Pigeon urgently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," demanded Mister Tarantula sadly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bath mat on his front porch, looking out over the pasture and leering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Pigeon. Do come again."

"Just a minute," wept Mister Pigeon greedily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Tarantula thought he had answered, and was beginning to get big. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Pigeon doing these days?"

Mister Pigeon would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Tarantula sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied again.