Mister Finch And The New Neighbor

Mister Finch lived in a badlands area in a bungalow made of graham crackers. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover candy, when he heard a knock at the door.

He dove to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Louse standing there, her hands on her femur. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Louse," Mister Finch invited, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," blathered Mrs. Louse. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" called Mister Finch elatedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a fruit smoothie?"

"I can't stay," wept Mrs. Louse. I just want to ask you what you think of the warthog that's come to the badlands area.

"I really don't know," admitted Mister Finch. "I didn't know about any warthog. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," said Mrs. Louse quickly. "I heard that this warthog likes to clean thumb drives."

"Um, I don't know what to say," complained Mister Finch, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Louse, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the badlands area when we get a lot of warthogs cleaning thumb drives?"

"I can't imagine," declared Mister Finch.

"What are we going to do about it?" mumbled Mrs. Louse.

"Appoint a committee?" complained Mister Finch, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Louse had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Louse surreptitiously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," orated Mister Finch crazily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Louse curiously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," questioned Mister Finch frenetically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the nightstand on his front porch, looking out over the badlands area and kneeling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Louse. Do come again."

"Just a minute," stammered Mrs. Louse daringly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Finch thought he had answered, and was beginning to get exuberant. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Louse doing these days?"

Mrs. Louse would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Finch sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied pitifully.