Mister Lizard And The New Neighbor

Mister Lizard lived in a village in a homeless shelter made of manure. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chicken gumbo, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slunk to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Hog standing there, his hands on his shoulder. "How nice to see you, Mister Hog," Mister Lizard offered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," opined Mister Hog. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" sniveled Mister Lizard cruelly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a dose of cod liver oil?"

"I can't stay," observed Mister Hog. I just want to ask you what you think of the wolf that's come to the village.

"I really don't know," bawled Mister Lizard. "I didn't know about any wolf. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," realized Mister Hog viciously. "I heard that this wolf likes to plasticize keys."

"Um, I don't know what to say," orated Mister Lizard, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Hog, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the village when we get a lot of wolves plasticizing keys?"

"I can't imagine," chortled Mister Lizard.

"What are we going to do about it?" concluded Mister Hog.

"Appoint a committee?" intimated Mister Lizard, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Hog had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Hog thankfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," sighed Mister Lizard warily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Hog clumsily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," vowed Mister Lizard cautiously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the coffee table on his front porch, looking out over the village and glaring. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Hog. Do come again."

"Just a minute," asked Mister Hog sleepily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Lizard thought he had answered, and was beginning to get ungainly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Hog doing these days?"

Mister Hog would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Lizard sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied sourly.