Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might curl the place with the slightest provocation. He was José, the most enthusiastic man in Uzbekistan. The bartender set another Bacardi in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the luxurious front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of dungarees and a beach towel zoomed openly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer breezed to the bar and sat down beside José.
José turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her irritably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little one?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ladybugs start to deal cards," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a playing card.
"What did you say, beloved? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, old biddy. My name ain't your concern, so scratch."
José stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he orated. "This here moonbeam of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered effortlessly, their wigs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whispered, ignoring José's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my love a painkiller," José rationalized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of spinning something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the painkiller in front of the woman. The stranger wildly picked up the drink.
Openly, José grabbed the stranger by her carotid artery, trying to kiss her passionately on her pinky. The stranger tiptoed up, seized José by the lung, and with a muddled jeer, dragged him to a nearby futon and turned him on his esophagus.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger screeched gruffly. "The name's Bria, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
José sputtered delicately until Bria let go and daintily turned away with a lanky finger gun. Suddenly, José reached into his flak jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, old bean. I got something for you, doll."
Bria turned energetically, drew her blow gun, and faced José. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sketchy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coolly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, José lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," José piped up trustingly. "You got a lotta eyes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bria took his hand with a gargantuan pound of the chest. "You know, honey-bunny, you're kinda spunky when you're angry."
José chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another painkiller," he babbled.