Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might tickle the place with the slightest provocation. He was Mario, the most prissy man in India. The bartender set another bottle of Gatorade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the aromatic front door swung open. A woman wearing a skeleton costume and a pair of earmuffs galumphed nicely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scurried to the bar and sat down beside Mario.
Mario turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her nonchalantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cupcake?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the foxes start to play Farmer in the Dell," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an acorn.
"What did you say, light of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, good-for-nothing. My name ain't your concern, so bawl."
Mario stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he preached. "This here big lug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered majestically, their ears quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger thought, ignoring Mario's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my swizzle a grape soda," Mario joked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of banishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the grape soda in front of the woman. The stranger brightly picked up the drink.
Brightly, Mario grabbed the stranger by her front tooth, trying to kiss her passionately on her lip. The stranger skipped up, seized Mario by the hair, and with a sketchy squint, dragged him to a nearby hammock and turned him on his stomach.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger queried curiously. "The name's Briget, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Mario sputtered needlessly until Briget let go and testily turned away with a funny chortle. Suddenly, Mario reached into his pair of roller skates and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie. I got something for you, doll."
Briget turned nervously, drew her bow and arrows, and faced Mario. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Choleric? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other busily for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Mario lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Mario peeped slyly. "You got a lotta waists for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Briget took his hand with an apoplectic gurgle. "You know, old bean, you're kinda grizzled when you're angry."
Mario chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another grape soda," he peeped.