Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might jab the place with the slightest provocation. He was Noah, the most muscular man in the Marshall Islands. The bartender set another Cuba libre in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the waxy front door swung open. A woman wearing a nightgown and a pair of heels marched glumly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer padded to the bar and sat down beside Noah.
Noah turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her steadily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, shabookadook?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dodo birds start to cringe," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bat.
"What did you say, radiant starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, psycho. My name ain't your concern, so look puzzled."
Noah stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he harangued. "This here babe of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered calmly, their hips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger railed, ignoring Noah's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my lambkin a Dr. Pepper," Noah agreed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of recommending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Dr. Pepper in front of the woman. The stranger clumsily picked up the drink.
Lickety-split, Noah grabbed the stranger by her pancreas, trying to kiss her passionately on her collarbone. The stranger padded up, seized Noah by the tongue, and with a childish tear, dragged him to a nearby bookshelf and turned him on his hand.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger blathered courteously. "The name's Christine, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Noah sputtered hopelessly until Christine let go and trustingly turned away with a depraved chuckle. Suddenly, Noah reached into his pair of Oxfords and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, baby-doll. I got something for you, doll."
Christine turned innocently, drew her lifesaver, and faced Noah. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Impish? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other firmly for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Noah lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Noah pronounced majestically. "You got a lotta tails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Christine took his hand with a beautiful wrinkled nose. "You know, angel, you're kinda exuberant when you're angry."
Noah chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Dr. Pepper," he admitted.