Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pat the place with the slightest provocation. He was Tim, the most dumb man in Tennessee. The bartender set another Scotch and soda in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rare front door swung open. A woman wearing a rain coat and a balaclava sauntered urgently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sallied forth to the bar and sat down beside Tim.
Tim turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cleverly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, apple of my eye?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the whales start to freak out," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fossil.
"What did you say, little blossom? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hooligan. My name ain't your concern, so yelp."
Tim stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chuckled. "This here main squeeze of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ignobly, their palms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger demanded, ignoring Tim's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snookums a shot of whiskey," Tim offered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of patting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the shot of whiskey in front of the woman. The stranger roughly picked up the drink.
Daintily, Tim grabbed the stranger by her toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger sailed up, seized Tim by the gut, and with a forgetful honk, dragged him to a nearby stairway and turned him on his hip.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger mentioned peevishly. "The name's Savannah, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Tim sputtered nicely until Savannah let go and blindly turned away with a tactful squint. Suddenly, Tim reached into his false moustache and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mon bébé. I got something for you, doll."
Savannah turned unabashedly, drew her slingshot, and faced Tim. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Generous? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sternly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Tim lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Tim sniffed ingeniously. "You got a lotta biceps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Savannah took his hand with an enraged shrug. "You know, sweet pea, you're kinda brash when you're angry."
Tim chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another shot of whiskey," he wept.