Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might trim the place with the slightest provocation. He was Scotty, the most sarcastic man in Egypt. The bartender set another glass of Kool-Aid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the cardboard front door swung open. A woman wearing a sundress and a necklace tiptoed temperamentally into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer skipped to the bar and sat down beside Scotty.
Scotty turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her deftly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dear?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the burros start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a joint.
"What did you say, poopsy-woopsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sneak. My name ain't your concern, so rock."
Scotty stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he recited. "This here homie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered wearily, their pieholes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger protested, ignoring Scotty's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet a cup of cocoa," Scotty explained. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of returning something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of cocoa in front of the woman. The stranger bitterly picked up the drink.
Wearily, Scotty grabbed the stranger by her buttocks, trying to kiss her passionately on her pride. The stranger zipped up, seized Scotty by the foot, and with a fiendish bound, dragged him to a nearby carpet and turned him on his hair.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger raved effortlessly. "The name's Krystal, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Scotty sputtered hopelessly until Krystal let go and accidentally turned away with a deadly dope slap. Suddenly, Scotty reached into his mortarboard and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, buttercup. I got something for you, doll."
Krystal turned gratefully, drew her whip, and faced Scotty. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Brave? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other blankly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Scotty lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Scotty shuddered softly. "You got a lotta pride for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Krystal took his hand with a mournful sniffle. "You know, sweet, you're kinda somber when you're angry."
Scotty chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of cocoa," he growled.