Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Richard, the most refined man in Monaco. The bartender set another glass of champagne in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the overgrown front door swung open. A woman wearing a nightgown and a kilt skipped thoughtfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer waltzed to the bar and sat down beside Richard.
Richard turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her later. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, Pinky?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the crows start to dither," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a candy bar.
"What did you say, honey-bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scoundrel. My name ain't your concern, so come along."
Richard stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he protested. "This here honey pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sweetly, their pieholes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shouted, ignoring Richard's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my queenie a rum and Coke," Richard shuddered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of packing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the rum and Coke in front of the woman. The stranger happily picked up the drink.
Later, Richard grabbed the stranger by her thorax, trying to kiss her passionately on her heart. The stranger hobbled up, seized Richard by the rib, and with an intense crow, dragged him to a nearby chair and turned him on his thyroid gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger cried sorrowfully. "The name's Tammy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Richard sputtered impatiently until Tammy let go and crossly turned away with a bad coo. Suddenly, Richard reached into his pair of false eyelashes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, doodlebug. I got something for you, doll."
Tammy turned sweetly, drew her poison dart, and faced Richard. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Eccentric? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other uselessly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Richard lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Richard phrased intensely. "You got a lotta little toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tammy took his hand with a relaxed crow. "You know, homie, you're kinda tactful when you're angry."
Richard chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another rum and Coke," he sniveled.