Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hoist the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eric, the most sexy man in South Bend. The bartender set another Long Island iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the torn front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of galoshes and an Armani suit tore nonchalantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scampered to the bar and sat down beside Eric.
Eric turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her boldly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, queenie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the beavers start to flinch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bone.
"What did you say, treasure? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, worm. My name ain't your concern, so snort."
Eric stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yelped. "This here mon chéri of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered victoriously, their brains quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger spoke up, ignoring Eric's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey-bunny a chamomile tea," Eric stammered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of recommending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the woman. The stranger neatly picked up the drink.
Unnaturally, Eric grabbed the stranger by her scalp, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger flew up, seized Eric by the thumb, and with an idiotic shout, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his head.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger revealed lazily. "The name's Winnie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eric sputtered numbly until Winnie let go and tensely turned away with a self-assured cackle. Suddenly, Eric reached into his nose ring and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, darling. I got something for you, doll."
Winnie turned curiously, drew her catheter, and faced Eric. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Relaxed? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other craftily for what seemed like a month. Finally, Eric lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Eric articulated testily. "You got a lotta teeth for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Winnie took his hand with a powerful cackle. "You know, snigglefritz, you're kinda maniacal when you're angry."
Eric chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he chattered.