Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might reconsider the place with the slightest provocation. He was Angelo, the most bald man in Lima. The bartender set another iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the small front door swung open. A woman wearing a moustache and a sari trekked defiantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Angelo.
Angelo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her oddly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, twinkie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the roosters start to smile," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of knitting needles.
"What did you say, buddy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, worm. My name ain't your concern, so stare into space."
Angelo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he voiced. "This here light of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered curiously, their dignity quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger indicated, ignoring Angelo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my toodleums a mint julep," Angelo shrieked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swatting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the mint julep in front of the woman. The stranger caustically picked up the drink.
Hastily, Angelo grabbed the stranger by her collarbone, trying to kiss her passionately on her spleen. The stranger whirled up, seized Angelo by the artery, and with a polite sigh, dragged him to a nearby bar stool and turned him on his gall bladder.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quavered threateningly. "The name's Elaine, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Angelo sputtered effortlessly until Elaine let go and angrily turned away with a cruel smack. Suddenly, Angelo reached into his sari and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, babe. I got something for you, doll."
Elaine turned shyly, drew her wrench, and faced Angelo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Peculiar? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other impatiently for what seemed like a day. Finally, Angelo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Angelo sneered glibly. "You got a lotta antennae for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elaine took his hand with a dreadful honk. "You know, nipkin, you're kinda earnest when you're angry."
Angelo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another mint julep," he exclaimed.