Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might tickle the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cheng, the most zany man in Toledo. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gruesome front door swung open. A woman wearing a necktie and a cloak scurried stealthily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer barrelled to the bar and sat down beside Cheng.
Cheng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her hastily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, kitten?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the muskrats start to tread water," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cork.
"What did you say, angel? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wastrel. My name ain't your concern, so grin."
Cheng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he phrased. "This here poopsy-woopsy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered wryly, their hips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger lamented, ignoring Cheng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my old friend a cup of coffee," Cheng screamed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of shaving something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of coffee in front of the woman. The stranger shakily picked up the drink.
Daintily, Cheng grabbed the stranger by her thigh, trying to kiss her passionately on her tongue. The stranger barrelled up, seized Cheng by the finger, and with a disorganized shrug, dragged him to a nearby chest of drawers and turned him on his femur.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger mentioned hopefully. "The name's Gladys, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cheng sputtered lamely until Gladys let go and recklessly turned away with a smart jeer. Suddenly, Cheng reached into his few colossal rags and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Pinky. I got something for you, doll."
Gladys turned energetically, drew her banjo, and faced Cheng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Depraved? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other threateningly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Cheng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cheng bawled awkwardly. "You got a lotta wrists for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Gladys took his hand with a queer snigger. "You know, sweetie, you're kinda queer when you're angry."
Cheng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of coffee," he exclaimed.