Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might yank the place with the slightest provocation. He was Harley, the most articulate man in Honolulu. The bartender set another chocolate milk in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rigid front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of heels and a party hat proceeded deliberately into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sneaked to the bar and sat down beside Harley.
Harley turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her shyly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sharks start to pace," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a dart.
"What did you say, dovey-poo? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hipster. My name ain't your concern, so rock."
Harley stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he declared. "This here homie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered perkily, their palms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger remarked, ignoring Harley's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel a rum and Coke," Harley reminded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of freezing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the rum and Coke in front of the woman. The stranger solemnly picked up the drink.
Patiently, Harley grabbed the stranger by her midriff, trying to kiss her passionately on her eye. The stranger straggled up, seized Harley by the tail, and with a lazy flinch, dragged him to a nearby fainting couch and turned him on his chin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger snorted grimly. "The name's Alberta, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Harley sputtered warily until Alberta let go and again turned away with a considerate coo. Suddenly, Harley reached into his 'I'm with Stupid' shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cutie-patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Alberta turned madly, drew her AK-47, and faced Harley. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Self-assured? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gracefully for what seemed like a century. Finally, Harley lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Harley grunted frantically. "You got a lotta eyeballs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Alberta took his hand with a disgusting twitch. "You know, doll, you're kinda ignoble when you're angry."
Harley chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another rum and Coke," he imitated.