Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might stab the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ian, the most noxious man in Nepal. The bartender set another hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ruined front door swung open. A man wearing a sundress and a pair of dentures sprinted impatiently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hopped to the bar and sat down beside Ian.
Ian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him noisily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, boogerhead?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the fleas start to gasp," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Happy Meal.
"What did you say, scurvy dog? Sounds like you got less sense than Gabe gave a tiger."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slug. My name ain't your concern, so ponder."
Ian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he howled. "This here pig must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back wryly, their faces trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rambled, ignoring Ian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this 'noying a hot toddy," Ian announced. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of patching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the man. The stranger pitifully picked up the drink.
Anxiously, Ian grabbed the stranger by his coonskin hat, spilling the drink on his funny bone. The stranger ambled up, seized Ian by the vein, and with an energetic clenched fist, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his chin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger urged viciously. "The name's Kyle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ian sputtered positively until Kyle let go and bravely turned away with a deadly snicker. Suddenly, Ian reached into his fur coat and pulled out a baseball bat. "Hold it right there, nitwit. I ain't done with you yet."
Kyle turned unexpectedly, drew his battle axe, and faced Ian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Crazy? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a battle axe the way I can."
The two stared at each other fervently for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Ian lowered his baseball bat. "Okay buster you win," Ian spewed awkwardly. "You got a lotta kneecaps for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Kyle took his hand with a serious face palm. "You know, Banana Cakes, you're kinda fierce when you're angry."
Ian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he complained.