Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might banish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Danny, the most dumb man in Charlotte. The bartender set another painkiller in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the nice front door swung open. A woman wearing a burqa and a pacifier proceeded swiftly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer reeled to the bar and sat down beside Danny.
Danny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her properly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, turtle dove?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the androids start to awaken," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a piece of paper.
"What did you say, stinkums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ignoramous. My name ain't your concern, so jerk."
Danny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he realized. "This here joy of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cheerfully, their heels quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger interpreted, ignoring Danny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snookums a Long Island iced tea," Danny accused. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of protecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Long Island iced tea in front of the woman. The stranger lickety-split picked up the drink.
Irritably, Danny grabbed the stranger by her back, trying to kiss her passionately on her gut. The stranger danced up, seized Danny by the earlobe, and with a jaunty woof, dragged him to a nearby ottoman and turned him on his rib.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger preached glibly. "The name's Jeanne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Danny sputtered hastily until Jeanne let go and reluctantly turned away with a muscular wrinkled nose. Suddenly, Danny reached into his gunny sack and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, queenie. I got something for you, doll."
Jeanne turned confidently, drew her smoke bomb, and faced Danny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Noxious? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lightly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Danny lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Danny vowed threateningly. "You got a lotta tongues for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jeanne took his hand with a perky caress. "You know, dearie, you're kinda presumptuous when you're angry."
Danny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Long Island iced tea," he pointed out.