Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might abuse the place with the slightest provocation. He was Daniel, the most polite man in Toledo. The bartender set another bottle of rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ancient front door swung open. A woman wearing a bracelet and a pair of cargo pants slithered steadily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Daniel.
Daniel turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her quietly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, homie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the rabbits start to slobber," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a towel.
"What did you say, shmoopsie-poo? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dunderhead. My name ain't your concern, so fidget."
Daniel stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he belched. "This here baby of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sourly, their chests quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger professed, ignoring Daniel's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dovey-poo a daiquiri," Daniel warbled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of grabbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the daiquiri in front of the woman. The stranger fiercely picked up the drink.
Crossly, Daniel grabbed the stranger by her buttocks, trying to kiss her passionately on her rib. The stranger hopped up, seized Daniel by the intestine, and with a big pout, dragged him to a nearby chair and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger protested peevishly. "The name's Jacqueline, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Daniel sputtered sweetly until Jacqueline let go and suspiciously turned away with a mournful furrowed brow. Suddenly, Daniel reached into his blanket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, beefcake. I got something for you, doll."
Jacqueline turned smoothly, drew her AK-47, and faced Daniel. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sociable? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other recklessly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Daniel lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Daniel wailed thankfully. "You got a lotta pancreases for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jacqueline took his hand with a timid wink. "You know, old friend, you're kinda tall when you're angry."
Daniel chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another daiquiri," he appealed.