Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might deliver the place with the slightest provocation. He was Anthony, the most sassy man in New Haven. The bartender set another milkshake in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gigantic front door swung open. A man wearing a bikini and a tank top paraded woefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rushed to the bar and sat down beside Anthony.
Anthony turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him ferociously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, monster?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the newts start to party," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a tennis racket.
"What did you say, idiot? Sounds like you got less sense than Jimmie Lee gave a hornet."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, doofus. My name ain't your concern, so buzz."
Anthony stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he piped up. "This here imp must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back frenetically, their toes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger giggled, ignoring Anthony's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this dimwit a hot chocolate," Anthony intoned. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of pummeling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot chocolate in front of the man. The stranger thankfully picked up the drink.
Nervously, Anthony grabbed the stranger by his hair net, spilling the drink on his cheek. The stranger bolted up, seized Anthony by the belly button, and with an anemic hug, dragged him to a nearby hatstand and turned him on his funny bone.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger drawled grimly. "The name's Norm, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Anthony sputtered warmly until Norm let go and peevishly turned away with a generous pucker. Suddenly, Anthony reached into his lab coat and pulled out a six-shooter. "Hold it right there, ninny. I ain't done with you yet."
Norm turned pitifully, drew his rubber band, and faced Anthony. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dapper? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a rubber band the way I can."
The two stared at each other tearfully for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Anthony lowered his six-shooter. "Okay buster you win," Anthony hollered cunningly. "You got a lotta eyebrows for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Norm took his hand with a demented snuffle. "You know, poopsie, you're kinda lanky when you're angry."
Anthony chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot chocolate," he mentioned.