Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Britt, the most monstrous man in Sapporo. The bartender set another sarsaparilla in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the old front door swung open. A man wearing a floppy hat and a bathrobe skidded stupidly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hobbled to the bar and sat down beside Britt.
Britt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him demurely. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, shrew?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dormice start to lie down," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a banana.
"What did you say, vile viper? Sounds like you got less sense than Dennis gave a gerbil."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slubberdegullion. My name ain't your concern, so freeze."
Britt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he taunted. "This here dummy must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back proudly, their pancreases trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger preached, ignoring Britt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this goon a tequila sunrise," Britt bellowed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of nuking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the man. The stranger impatiently picked up the drink.
Woodenly, Britt grabbed the stranger by his pair of ear muffs, spilling the drink on his abdomen. The stranger reeled up, seized Britt by the knee, and with a playful tear, dragged him to a nearby hamper and turned him on his hangnail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger simpered shakily. "The name's Aiden, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Britt sputtered brashly until Aiden let go and patiently turned away with a nonchalant beam. Suddenly, Britt reached into his tutu and pulled out a water balloon. "Hold it right there, dunderhead. I ain't done with you yet."
Aiden turned frantically, drew his pom-pom, and faced Britt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dreadful? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a pom-pom the way I can."
The two stared at each other trustingly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Britt lowered his water balloon. "Okay buster you win," Britt stammered gratefully. "You got a lotta skins for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Aiden took his hand with a colorless power fist. "You know, flower, you're kinda bubbly when you're angry."
Britt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he howled.