Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hack the place with the slightest provocation. He was Herb, the most happy man in Comoros. The bartender set another gin and tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the frilly front door swung open. A woman wearing a hat and a bustier swaggered woodenly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Herb.
Herb turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her warily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, twinkie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the crocodiles start to get dizzy," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cupcake.
"What did you say, hot stuff? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weirdo. My name ain't your concern, so yelp."
Herb stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he suggested. "This here angel-face of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered lickety-split, their thyroid glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger divulged, ignoring Herb's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel a whiskey," Herb shouted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of abusing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the whiskey in front of the woman. The stranger softly picked up the drink.
Blissfully, Herb grabbed the stranger by her femur, trying to kiss her passionately on her thorax. The stranger danced up, seized Herb by the hip, and with a dismal pound of the chest, dragged him to a nearby hamper and turned him on his skin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chortled diligently. "The name's Dianna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Herb sputtered wryly until Dianna let go and ferociously turned away with a sassy hoot. Suddenly, Herb reached into his pair of sandals and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cupcake. I got something for you, doll."
Dianna turned silently, drew her camera, and faced Herb. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sleek? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other obediently for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Herb lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Herb recited repeatedly. "You got a lotta adrenal glands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Dianna took his hand with a sincere snuffle. "You know, noodle, you're kinda proud when you're angry."
Herb chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another whiskey," he emphasized.