Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might poke the place with the slightest provocation. He was Perry, the most big man in Trenton. The bartender set another glass of tomato juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the important front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of cycling shorts and a ring ambled primly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer straggled to the bar and sat down beside Perry.
Perry turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gruffly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, twinkle toes?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the geckos start to whirl," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a box of Kleenex.
"What did you say, heartthrob? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, simpleton. My name ain't your concern, so applaud."
Perry stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he swore. "This here honey-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered repeatedly, their stomachs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger offered, ignoring Perry's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Pinky a hot buttered rum," Perry fantasized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of bending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot buttered rum in front of the woman. The stranger glumly picked up the drink.
Testily, Perry grabbed the stranger by her hair, trying to kiss her passionately on her calf. The stranger reeled up, seized Perry by the eyelid, and with a cheerful kiss, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his thumb.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quavered glumly. "The name's Marvella, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Perry sputtered cautiously until Marvella let go and hastily turned away with a vacuous caress. Suddenly, Perry reached into his leotard and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, swizzle. I got something for you, doll."
Marvella turned fondly, drew her mace, and faced Perry. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Decisive? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other furiously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Perry lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Perry enunciated unnaturally. "You got a lotta tongues for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marvella took his hand with a sloppy wag of the finger. "You know, stinkums, you're kinda brilliant when you're angry."
Perry chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot buttered rum," he suggested.