Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prod the place with the slightest provocation. He was David, the most noxious man in Cape Verde. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the huge front door swung open. A woman wearing a black armband and a cap lurched boisterously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer marched to the bar and sat down beside David.
David turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her coolly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beloved?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the weasels start to play," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper bag.
"What did you say, sweet? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, harebrain. My name ain't your concern, so pant."
David stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he bawled. "This here honey-babe of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered quickly, their aortas quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rebutted, ignoring David's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sparky a rum and Coke," David winked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of packing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the rum and Coke in front of the woman. The stranger bitterly picked up the drink.
Thoughtfully, David grabbed the stranger by her toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her appendix. The stranger careened up, seized David by the hip, and with an agitated simper, dragged him to a nearby cupboard and turned him on his liver.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger sputtered fearlessly. "The name's Ophelia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
David sputtered sharply until Ophelia let go and viciously turned away with a self-assured snicker. Suddenly, David reached into his armband and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Ophelia turned obediently, drew her bayonette, and faced David. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Blubbery? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other cleverly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, David lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," David spat speedily. "You got a lotta spinal cords for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ophelia took his hand with a sleepy tear. "You know, little one, you're kinda absent-minded when you're angry."
David chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another rum and Coke," he persisted.