Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might engrave the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dax, the most dependable man in Uruguay. The bartender set another kamikaze in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the luxurious front door swung open. A woman wearing a blazer and a beard crept cautiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer trekked to the bar and sat down beside Dax.
Dax turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her languidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cupcake?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the foxes start to mumble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cookie.
"What did you say, baby-doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lackwit. My name ain't your concern, so snicker."
Dax stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he scoffed. "This here teddy bear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ingeniously, their thyroid glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blathered, ignoring Dax's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkles a bottle of water," Dax squealed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of lynching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the bottle of water in front of the woman. The stranger warily picked up the drink.
Clumsily, Dax grabbed the stranger by her bladder, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyelash. The stranger dove up, seized Dax by the bicep, and with a jaunty gurgle, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his hairdo.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger howled hungrily. "The name's Lynn, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dax sputtered wildly until Lynn let go and ferociously turned away with an artistic grin. Suddenly, Dax reached into his set of scrubs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, love. I got something for you, doll."
Lynn turned trustingly, drew her rubber band, and faced Dax. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Decisive? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other fiercely for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Dax lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dax retorted briskly. "You got a lotta heels for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lynn took his hand with a lanky raspberry. "You know, petunia, you're kinda beautiful when you're angry."
Dax chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another bottle of water," he tittered.