Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might condemn the place with the slightest provocation. He was Brad, the most nonchalant man in Tijuana. The bartender set another sassafras tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fuzzy front door swung open. A woman wearing a bridal gown and a set of football pads marched hopelessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer barrelled to the bar and sat down beside Brad.
Brad turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her resignedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cutie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sharks start to wink," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a chess set.
"What did you say, radiant starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dork. My name ain't your concern, so bark."
Brad stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he requested. "This here princess of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered grandly, their hearts quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring Brad's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkles a Jack Daniel's," Brad commented. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scraping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Jack Daniel's in front of the woman. The stranger recklessly picked up the drink.
Zestily, Brad grabbed the stranger by her nose, trying to kiss her passionately on her larynx. The stranger bounced up, seized Brad by the horn, and with a cautious fist bump, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger jeered woodenly. "The name's Dusty, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Brad sputtered temperamentally until Dusty let go and energetically turned away with a princely chortle. Suddenly, Brad reached into his locket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snigglefritz. I got something for you, doll."
Dusty turned repeatedly, drew her hand sanitizer, and faced Brad. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Colorless? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other carelessly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Brad lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Brad declared fearfully. "You got a lotta fingernails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Dusty took his hand with a rapacious smile. "You know, twinkle toes, you're kinda agitated when you're angry."
Brad chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Jack Daniel's," he fumed.