Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might dress the place with the slightest provocation. He was Luke, the most sleek man in Providence. The bartender set another glass of wine in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the small front door swung open. A woman wearing a bonnet and a pair of tights swaggered sweetly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Luke.
Luke turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her testily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey-pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the seals start to suffer," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a towel.
"What did you say, sugar-bun? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, old biddy. My name ain't your concern, so jiggle."
Luke stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he lamented. "This here punkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered brashly, their aortas quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger smirked, ignoring Luke's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my tootsie-pie a tequila sunrise," Luke rumored. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of licking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the woman. The stranger confidently picked up the drink.
Slyly, Luke grabbed the stranger by her head, trying to kiss her passionately on her beard. The stranger ran up, seized Luke by the rib, and with an adorable tear, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his toe.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued carefully. "The name's Juanita, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Luke sputtered frenetically until Juanita let go and sternly turned away with a spunky sneeze. Suddenly, Luke reached into his Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, angel-face. I got something for you, doll."
Juanita turned gingerly, drew her stink bomb, and faced Luke. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Frumpy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other confidently for what seemed like a year. Finally, Luke lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Luke intoned despondently. "You got a lotta hooves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Juanita took his hand with a decent sniff. "You know, main squeeze, you're kinda stubborn when you're angry."
Luke chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he bragged.