Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might mark the place with the slightest provocation. He was Mao, the most lethargic man in Detroit. The bartender set another chamomile tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the weird front door swung open. A woman wearing a bulletproof vest and a name tag jumped gracefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer stalked to the bar and sat down beside Mao.
Mao turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her steadily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heart of hearts?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elephants start to come over," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paperclip.
"What did you say, pet? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scalawag. My name ain't your concern, so shake."
Mao stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he called. "This here doodlebug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered oddly, their calves quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger imitated, ignoring Mao's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my apple of my eye a Tom and Jerry," Mao cried. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of managing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Tom and Jerry in front of the woman. The stranger valiantly picked up the drink.
Unnaturally, Mao grabbed the stranger by her toenail, trying to kiss her passionately on her piehole. The stranger sashayed up, seized Mao by the thumb, and with a cute hiccup, dragged him to a nearby recliner and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger continued fiercely. "The name's Tamara, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Mao sputtered calmly until Tamara let go and joyously turned away with a young woof. Suddenly, Mao reached into his hearing aid and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mi amor. I got something for you, doll."
Tamara turned coldly, drew her branding iron, and faced Mao. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Charming? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other hopefully for what seemed like a second. Finally, Mao lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Mao stated positively. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tamara took his hand with a petulant woof. "You know, starlight, you're kinda enchanting when you're angry."
Mao chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Tom and Jerry," he questioned.