Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might overlook the place with the slightest provocation. He was Buddy, the most gentle man in Casablanca. The bartender set another Bloody Mary in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striking front door swung open. A man wearing a winter coat and a cap sprinted flightily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer pranced to the bar and sat down beside Buddy.
Buddy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him courteously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, goof?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cows start to throw up," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of fuzzy dice.
"What did you say, dodo? Sounds like you got less sense than Cecil gave a nightingale."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sloth. My name ain't your concern, so blink."
Buddy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he squawked. "This here hipster must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back cautiously, their foreheads trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger contended, ignoring Buddy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this rascal a piña colada," Buddy commented. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of nuking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the piña colada in front of the man. The stranger cautiously picked up the drink.
Later, Buddy grabbed the stranger by his apron, spilling the drink on his toenail. The stranger strode up, seized Buddy by the skull, and with a sleepy hiccup, dragged him to a nearby bookcase and turned him on his ankle.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger instructed again. "The name's Abraham, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Buddy sputtered trustingly until Abraham let go and violently turned away with an irate beam. Suddenly, Buddy reached into his bat costume and pulled out a shotgun. "Hold it right there, egomaniac. I ain't done with you yet."
Abraham turned woefully, drew his water balloon, and faced Buddy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Conscientious? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a water balloon the way I can."
The two stared at each other brashly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Buddy lowered his shotgun. "Okay buster you win," Buddy shrieked flightily. "You got a lotta tongues for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Abraham took his hand with a smart hoot. "You know, tootsie-pie, you're kinda obnoxious when you're angry."
Buddy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another piña colada," he bawled.