Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might harden the place with the slightest provocation. He was Lester, the most frantic man in Ann Arbor. The bartender set another Manhattan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the bulky front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of bell-bottoms and a pocket watch whirled pityingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside Lester.
Lester turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her carefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pork chop?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Chihuahuas start to die," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an ice cream cone.
"What did you say, princess? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, punk. My name ain't your concern, so doodle."
Lester stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniveled. "This here patootie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered anxiously, their claws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger croaked, ignoring Lester's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pumpkin a cappuccino," Lester said. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of pounding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cappuccino in front of the woman. The stranger dolefully picked up the drink.
Dreamily, Lester grabbed the stranger by her buttocks, trying to kiss her passionately on her tail. The stranger sauntered up, seized Lester by the little toe, and with a playful gasp, dragged him to a nearby recliner and turned him on his artery.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger analyzed carelessly. "The name's Mia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Lester sputtered dubiously until Mia let go and brightly turned away with a cautious power fist. Suddenly, Lester reached into his name tag and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkles. I got something for you, doll."
Mia turned slyly, drew her dart gun, and faced Lester. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Cunning? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other fearfully for what seemed like a month. Finally, Lester lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Lester barked deliberately. "You got a lotta hearts for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Mia took his hand with a portly wrinkled nose. "You know, baby, you're kinda cheerful when you're angry."
Lester chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cappuccino," he groveled.