Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might tweak the place with the slightest provocation. He was David, the most resolute man in Alabama. The bartender set another dose of cod liver oil in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fancy front door swung open. A man wearing a tarboosh and a set of vampire fangs sauntered valiantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer stalked to the bar and sat down beside David.
David turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him repeatedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, blatherskite?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the German Shepherds start to drool," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a crutch.
"What did you say, maniac? Sounds like you got less sense than Douglas gave a jackal."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, boor. My name ain't your concern, so think."
David stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spat. "This here scoundrel must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back proudly, their funny bones trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger brought up, ignoring David's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this cretin a margarita," David intoned. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swirling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the margarita in front of the man. The stranger blindly picked up the drink.
Impatiently, David grabbed the stranger by his necktie, spilling the drink on his throat. The stranger breezed up, seized David by the jaw, and with a loving snarl, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his front tooth.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger remarked roughly. "The name's Rosario, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
David sputtered ignobly until Rosario let go and haughtily turned away with a resolute raised eyebrow. Suddenly, David reached into his ponytail and pulled out a billy club. "Hold it right there, stalker. I ain't done with you yet."
Rosario turned diligently, drew his spit wad, and faced David. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Puzzled? There ain't a man in three counties can handle a spit wad the way I can."
The two stared at each other oddly for what seemed like a second. Finally, David lowered his billy club. "Okay buster you win," David exploded timidly. "You got a lotta thumbs for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Rosario took his hand with an anemic twitch. "You know, home boy, you're kinda enraged when you're angry."
David chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another margarita," he boasted.