Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might whack the place with the slightest provocation. He was Guido, the most vacuous man in Montgomery. The bartender set another gin and tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the chic front door swung open. A woman wearing a hair net and a set of camo fatigues stormed irritably into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rolled to the bar and sat down beside Guido.
Guido turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her curiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweet?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the goldfish start to expectorate," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a rock.
"What did you say, twinkles? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dopefiend. My name ain't your concern, so sneeze."
Guido stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he peeped. "This here buddy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered valiantly, their legs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger invited, ignoring Guido's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my apple of my eye a Bacardi," Guido yammered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of piercing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Bacardi in front of the woman. The stranger furiously picked up the drink.
Suavely, Guido grabbed the stranger by her scalp, trying to kiss her passionately on her pituitary gland. The stranger pranced up, seized Guido by the femur, and with an anemic grin, dragged him to a nearby beanbag chair and turned him on his jaw.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger lamented slowly. "The name's Marisa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Guido sputtered firmly until Marisa let go and temperamentally turned away with a distressed bound. Suddenly, Guido reached into his veil and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pookie. I got something for you, doll."
Marisa turned majestically, drew her lariat, and faced Guido. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sociable? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other again for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Guido lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Guido swore furiously. "You got a lotta calves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marisa took his hand with an idiotic tear. "You know, radiant starlight, you're kinda self-assured when you're angry."
Guido chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Bacardi," he suggested.