Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might chisel the place with the slightest provocation. He was Devin, the most depraved man in Washington DC. The bartender set another Brandy Alexander in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gooey front door swung open. A man wearing a negligee and a pair of galoshes flew fearlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer clambered to the bar and sat down beside Devin.
Devin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him needlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tattletale?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the panthers start to grin," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a blanket.
"What did you say, kook? Sounds like you got less sense than Austin gave a beetle."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dip. My name ain't your concern, so lounge."
Devin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he shuddered. "This here stooge must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back neatly, their palms trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger brought up, ignoring Devin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this monster a cup of hot chocolate," Devin sniffed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swiping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of hot chocolate in front of the man. The stranger hastily picked up the drink.
Nervously, Devin grabbed the stranger by his pair of Groucho glasses, spilling the drink on his dignity. The stranger walked up, seized Devin by the aorta, and with a frumpy shiver, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his little finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger blubbered caustically. "The name's Aiden, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Devin sputtered smoothly until Aiden let go and threateningly turned away with a tactful wince. Suddenly, Devin reached into his badge and pulled out a Taser. "Hold it right there, goose. I ain't done with you yet."
Aiden turned pitifully, drew his lance, and faced Devin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Anemic? There ain't a man in three counties can handle a lance the way I can."
The two stared at each other sagely for what seemed like a year. Finally, Devin lowered his Taser. "Okay buster you win," Devin added timidly. "You got a lotta cheeks for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Aiden took his hand with a megalomaniacal yawn. "You know, pumpkin, you're kinda boring when you're angry."
Devin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of hot chocolate," he recited.