Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ridicule the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jimmy, the most angry man in Charleston. The bartender set another Cuba libre in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the golden front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of handcuffs and a diaper hopped fearlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scurried to the bar and sat down beside Jimmy.
Jimmy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her oddly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cream puff?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dolphins start to whirl," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a file folder.
"What did you say, pipkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nincompoop. My name ain't your concern, so crouch."
Jimmy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he swore. "This here lambkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered demurely, their heads quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pronounced, ignoring Jimmy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my noodle a glass of fruit punch," Jimmy spat. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of neglecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of fruit punch in front of the woman. The stranger majestically picked up the drink.
Deliberately, Jimmy grabbed the stranger by her leg, trying to kiss her passionately on her little finger. The stranger slunk up, seized Jimmy by the hair, and with a precocious shiver, dragged him to a nearby hamper and turned him on his tummy.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chortled slowly. "The name's Dani, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jimmy sputtered numbly until Dani let go and sweetly turned away with a tense wince. Suddenly, Jimmy reached into his shawl and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, lambkin. I got something for you, doll."
Dani turned speedily, drew her wet noodle, and faced Jimmy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wary? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other irritably for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Jimmy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jimmy burbled lovingly. "You got a lotta ankles for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Dani took his hand with an amiable pucker. "You know, teddy bear, you're kinda drowsy when you're angry."
Jimmy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of fruit punch," he exclaimed.