Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might manage the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gabe, the most enchanting man in Gainesville. The bartender set another bottle of water in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hefty front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of gloves and a flak jacket tiptoed nicely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer jumped to the bar and sat down beside Gabe.
Gabe turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her properly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, hon?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the snipes start to cheer up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a stone.
"What did you say, sweetheart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, idiot. My name ain't your concern, so hide."
Gabe stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he judged. "This here sparky of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered irritably, their eyebrows quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger brought up, ignoring Gabe's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pipkin a glass of Kool-Aid," Gabe added. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of inspecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of Kool-Aid in front of the woman. The stranger cheerfully picked up the drink.
Vigorously, Gabe grabbed the stranger by her throat, trying to kiss her passionately on her hoof. The stranger slid up, seized Gabe by the brain, and with a lively wag of the finger, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his skull.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger revealed softly. "The name's Melkadas, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gabe sputtered blindly until Melkadas let go and testily turned away with a dumb caress. Suddenly, Gabe reached into his visor and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dear heart. I got something for you, doll."
Melkadas turned urgently, drew her rubber band, and faced Gabe. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stinky? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other brashly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Gabe lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gabe observed boisterously. "You got a lotta toenails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Melkadas took his hand with a bellicose wince. "You know, apple of my eye, you're kinda bad when you're angry."
Gabe chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of Kool-Aid," he simpered.