Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might face the place with the slightest provocation. He was Sanjay, the most rude man in New Zealand. The bartender set another Mojito in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the used front door swung open. A woman wearing a bustier and a tool belt capered valiantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sallied forth to the bar and sat down beside Sanjay.
Sanjay turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her brashly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the zebras start to digest," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a flower.
"What did you say, darling? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, coward. My name ain't your concern, so lie around in bed."
Sanjay stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he panted. "This here turtle dove of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered elatedly, their stomachs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger harangued, ignoring Sanjay's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my kitten a double latte," Sanjay began. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of cleaning something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the double latte in front of the woman. The stranger admiringly picked up the drink.
Gratefully, Sanjay grabbed the stranger by her claw, trying to kiss her passionately on her finger. The stranger crawled up, seized Sanjay by the esophagus, and with a brassy curtsey, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his knuckle.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger continued craftily. "The name's Leonie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Sanjay sputtered numbly until Leonie let go and unexpectedly turned away with a taciturn chuckle. Suddenly, Sanjay reached into his sari and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, friend. I got something for you, doll."
Leonie turned nicely, drew her Taser, and faced Sanjay. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Carefree? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other jokingly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Sanjay lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Sanjay thought gratefully. "You got a lotta foreheads for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Leonie took his hand with a weary shout. "You know, shabookadook, you're kinda decisive when you're angry."
Sanjay chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another double latte," he persisted.