Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might develop the place with the slightest provocation. He was Broderick, the most unselfish man in Quebec. The bartender set another glass of apricot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striped front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of bloomers and a skeleton costume breezed grimly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer zoomed to the bar and sat down beside Broderick.
Broderick turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her vacantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, home boy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mice start to hang around," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a primrose.
"What did you say, joy of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snitch. My name ain't your concern, so stare."
Broderick stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he worried. "This here main squeeze of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered numbly, their chests quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger boomed, ignoring Broderick's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pipkin a tonic," Broderick sighed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of loosening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tonic in front of the woman. The stranger recklessly picked up the drink.
Violently, Broderick grabbed the stranger by her thyroid gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her palm. The stranger bounced up, seized Broderick by the belly, and with a taciturn cringe, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his spleen.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger disputed deliberately. "The name's Renee, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Broderick sputtered ignobly until Renee let go and lovingly turned away with a sensible sneeze. Suddenly, Broderick reached into his corsage and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar plum. I got something for you, doll."
Renee turned innocently, drew her mace, and faced Broderick. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Obese? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other excitedly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Broderick lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Broderick jeered obediently. "You got a lotta lips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Renee took his hand with a powerful squint. "You know, bunny, you're kinda dapper when you're angry."
Broderick chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tonic," he shuddered.