Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might smear the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jeff, the most enthusiastic man in Des Moines. The bartender set another hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the soft front door swung open. A woman wearing a coonskin hat and an overcoat bounced strangely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tiptoed to the bar and sat down beside Jeff.
Jeff turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her viciously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snuggle bear?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the kitties start to huff," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a barbell.
"What did you say, honey-babe? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fanatic. My name ain't your concern, so flinch."
Jeff stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he roared. "This here big lug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered flightily, their knuckles quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger worried, ignoring Jeff's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my starlight a Sangría," Jeff rationalized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rejecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Sangría in front of the woman. The stranger threateningly picked up the drink.
Openly, Jeff grabbed the stranger by her bicep, trying to kiss her passionately on her thorax. The stranger trotted up, seized Jeff by the hangnail, and with an enthusiastic cheer, dragged him to a nearby catbird seat and turned him on his buttocks.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger hummed proudly. "The name's Bonnie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jeff sputtered sourly until Bonnie let go and admiringly turned away with a pigeon-toed yawn. Suddenly, Jeff reached into his vest and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, turtle dove. I got something for you, doll."
Bonnie turned gratefully, drew her boomerang, and faced Jeff. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Spindly? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other ignobly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Jeff lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jeff repeated lightly. "You got a lotta wrists for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bonnie took his hand with a diabolical crow. "You know, tootsie, you're kinda athletic when you're angry."
Jeff chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Sangría," he screamed.