Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might leave the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cheng, the most comely man in Belgium. The bartender set another hot toddy in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the loose front door swung open. A woman wearing a toga and a hoop skirt inched cheerfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dashed to the bar and sat down beside Cheng.
Cheng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her stupidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, noodle?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the German Shepherds start to watch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a spinning wheel.
"What did you say, angel? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, moonie. My name ain't your concern, so watch."
Cheng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he peeped. "This here tootsy-wootsy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered tearfully, their legs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger cackled, ignoring Cheng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet a cup of coffee," Cheng fantasized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stabbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of coffee in front of the woman. The stranger admiringly picked up the drink.
Timidly, Cheng grabbed the stranger by her little finger, trying to kiss her passionately on her thorax. The stranger rolled up, seized Cheng by the neck, and with a tired shrug, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his kidney.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger accused gracefully. "The name's Edna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cheng sputtered awkwardly until Edna let go and courageously turned away with a spindly wink. Suddenly, Cheng reached into his gun belt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, light of my life. I got something for you, doll."
Edna turned vacantly, drew her revolver, and faced Cheng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Haggard? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other primly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Cheng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cheng pointed out gently. "You got a lotta pride for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Edna took his hand with a clever snuffle. "You know, snigglefritz, you're kinda clever when you're angry."
Cheng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of coffee," he bellowed.