Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might harden the place with the slightest provocation. He was Steven, the most haughty man in Chile. The bartender set another can of Ensure in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the cotton front door swung open. A woman wearing a beehive and a tutu lumbered wryly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer climbed to the bar and sat down beside Steven.
Steven turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her energetically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, friend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the donkeys start to chortle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cracker.
"What did you say, toots? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, bully. My name ain't your concern, so dream."
Steven stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chattered. "This here beloved of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sarcastically, their funny bones quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger gasped, ignoring Steven's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my joy of my life an iced tea," Steven cried. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of punching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the iced tea in front of the woman. The stranger swiftly picked up the drink.
Lovingly, Steven grabbed the stranger by her scalp, trying to kiss her passionately on her hand. The stranger darted up, seized Steven by the elbow, and with a drowsy tear, dragged him to a nearby billiard table and turned him on his brain.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued dolefully. "The name's Tina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Steven sputtered strangely until Tina let go and grandly turned away with an enchanting snuffle. Suddenly, Steven reached into his mask and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, gentle soul. I got something for you, doll."
Tina turned crankily, drew her set of nunchucks, and faced Steven. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Agitated? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lovingly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Steven lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Steven noted grimly. "You got a lotta fingernails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tina took his hand with a bellicose sigh. "You know, patootie, you're kinda hungry when you're angry."
Steven chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another iced tea," he squawked.