Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might get the place with the slightest provocation. He was Billy, the most articulate man in France. The bartender set another ice cream soda in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the papery front door swung open. A woman wearing an apron and a dunce cap skipped warmly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slithered to the bar and sat down beside Billy.
Billy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her shakily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tootsie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the caribous start to scribble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a shoe.
"What did you say, toodleums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, floozy. My name ain't your concern, so beg."
Billy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he imitated. "This here gentle soul of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered majestically, their knees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger belched, ignoring Billy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my darling a glass of apple juice," Billy snorted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of switching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of apple juice in front of the woman. The stranger quickly picked up the drink.
Trustingly, Billy grabbed the stranger by her hand, trying to kiss her passionately on her skin. The stranger waded up, seized Billy by the skin, and with a crafty pout, dragged him to a nearby china cabinet and turned him on his bladder.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rationalized defiantly. "The name's Tanya, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Billy sputtered sternly until Tanya let go and ignobly turned away with a brazen grin. Suddenly, Billy reached into his bikini and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pet. I got something for you, doll."
Tanya turned languidly, drew her battle axe, and faced Billy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Powerful? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other openly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Billy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Billy opined sympathetically. "You got a lotta hands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tanya took his hand with a lazy sneeze. "You know, gentle soul, you're kinda passionate when you're angry."
Billy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of apple juice," he judged.