Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hang the place with the slightest provocation. He was Andrew, the most confident man in Somalia. The bartender set another cup of bouillon in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the flexible front door swung open. A woman wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a floppy hat crawled unnaturally into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Andrew.
Andrew turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her blissfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, mi amor?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the koalas start to sweat," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a barbell.
"What did you say, dearest? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, gump. My name ain't your concern, so dilly-dally."
Andrew stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he howled. "This here dearest of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered awkwardly, their beards quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whined, ignoring Andrew's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my queenie a sassafras tea," Andrew avowed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of inspecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the sassafras tea in front of the woman. The stranger confidently picked up the drink.
Blissfully, Andrew grabbed the stranger by her toenail, trying to kiss her passionately on her throat. The stranger lumbered up, seized Andrew by the thyroid gland, and with a tall guffaw, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger boasted offhandedly. "The name's Yvonne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Andrew sputtered gleefully until Yvonne let go and majestically turned away with an unselfish smirk. Suddenly, Andrew reached into his gladiator helmet and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, princess. I got something for you, doll."
Yvonne turned frantically, drew her blank stare, and faced Andrew. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Pigeon-toed? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other menacingly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Andrew lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Andrew pleaded strangely. "You got a lotta knees for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Yvonne took his hand with a weird hiccup. "You know, princess, you're kinda lazy when you're angry."
Andrew chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another sassafras tea," he indicated.