Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might roast the place with the slightest provocation. He was Phineas, the most corpulent man in Madagascar. The bartender set another glass of fruit punch in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the automatic front door swung open. A woman wearing a set of dentures and a suit of armor jumped joyously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer made a beeline to the bar and sat down beside Phineas.
Phineas turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her unnaturally. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey-bunny?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bats start to sweat," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cotton ball.
"What did you say, doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, blackguard. My name ain't your concern, so blush."
Phineas stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he shouted. "This here angel-face of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered anxiously, their arms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whimpered, ignoring Phineas's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my shabookadook a Harvey Wallbanger," Phineas intoned. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hardening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the woman. The stranger gently picked up the drink.
Numbly, Phineas grabbed the stranger by her calf, trying to kiss her passionately on her leg. The stranger hopped up, seized Phineas by the adrenal gland, and with an impish grunt, dragged him to a nearby display case and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger decided swiftly. "The name's Antoinette, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Phineas sputtered uselessly until Antoinette let go and patiently turned away with a rapacious raspberry. Suddenly, Phineas reached into his space suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Banana Cakes. I got something for you, doll."
Antoinette turned smoothly, drew her sickle, and faced Phineas. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Maniacal? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other glumly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Phineas lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Phineas trumpeted immediately. "You got a lotta veins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Antoinette took his hand with a brave guffaw. "You know, toodleums, you're kinda mean when you're angry."
Phineas chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he blustered.