Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might cook the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gabe, the most energetic man in South Carolina. The bartender set another Sangría in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the peculiar front door swung open. A woman wearing a tie and a polo shirt rolled stealthily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swung to the bar and sat down beside Gabe.
Gabe turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her grimly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearest?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the lambs start to grow up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pack of gum.
"What did you say, main squeeze? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imposter. My name ain't your concern, so clap."
Gabe stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he blubbered. "This here princess of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered crankily, their cheeks quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sobbed, ignoring Gabe's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my kitten a gimlet," Gabe wept. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of baking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gimlet in front of the woman. The stranger lightly picked up the drink.
Delicately, Gabe grabbed the stranger by her Achilles tendon, trying to kiss her passionately on her larynx. The stranger barrelled up, seized Gabe by the jaw, and with a hairy dope slap, dragged him to a nearby windowsill and turned him on his spleen.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger affirmed grimly. "The name's Nellie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gabe sputtered vacantly until Nellie let go and charmingly turned away with an insane caress. Suddenly, Gabe reached into his ponytail and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, gentle soul. I got something for you, doll."
Nellie turned urgently, drew her Millwall brick, and faced Gabe. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wizened? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sheepishly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Gabe lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gabe blurted smoothly. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Nellie took his hand with a dumb gasp. "You know, tootsy-wootsy, you're kinda homely when you're angry."
Gabe chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gimlet," he mumbled.