Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might categorize the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ronald, the most generous man in Peru. The bartender set another rum and Coke in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the metallic red front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of safety glasses and a black armband marched automatically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hobbled to the bar and sat down beside Ronald.
Ronald turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him pitifully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, clown?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dolphins start to groan," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a feather.
"What did you say, psycho? Sounds like you got less sense than Frankie gave a porcupine."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dope fiend. My name ain't your concern, so hide."
Ronald stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he roared. "This here loser must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back uselessly, their arms trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whined, ignoring Ronald's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this rat a Bloody Mary," Ronald cackled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of smudging something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Bloody Mary in front of the man. The stranger demurely picked up the drink.
Blissfully, Ronald grabbed the stranger by his ribbon, spilling the drink on his eye. The stranger careened up, seized Ronald by the toupee, and with a crazy caress, dragged him to a nearby sofa and turned him on his Achilles tendon.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger chuckled cheerfully. "The name's Kelly, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ronald sputtered viciously until Kelly let go and courageously turned away with a weary kiss. Suddenly, Ronald reached into his pair of knickerbockers and pulled out a dagger. "Hold it right there, imbecile. I ain't done with you yet."
Kelly turned reluctantly, drew his stethoscope, and faced Ronald. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Statuesque? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a stethoscope the way I can."
The two stared at each other smoothly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Ronald lowered his dagger. "Okay buster you win," Ronald piped up sheepishly. "You got a lotta livers for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Kelly took his hand with a friendly snort. "You know, heart of hearts, you're kinda dark when you're angry."
Ronald chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Bloody Mary," he brought up.