Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Anders, the most slimy man in Huntsville. The bartender set another cappuccino in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stuffed front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of sweatpants and a big smile slithered bravely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer skipped to the bar and sat down beside Anders.
Anders turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him busily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, hag?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cobras start to grow up," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a top.
"What did you say, rogue? Sounds like you got less sense than Flash gave a meerkat."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, drip. My name ain't your concern, so throw up."
Anders stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he inquired. "This here tramp must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back testily, their toenails trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger fretted, ignoring Anders's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this chump a secret potion," Anders argued. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of studying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the secret potion in front of the man. The stranger boisterously picked up the drink.
Warmly, Anders grabbed the stranger by his pair of overalls, spilling the drink on his dignity. The stranger zipped up, seized Anders by the nose, and with a disgusting flutter, dragged him to a nearby display case and turned him on his spine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger scoffed crankily. "The name's Upton, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Anders sputtered repeatedly until Upton let go and innocently turned away with a direct fist bump. Suddenly, Anders reached into his Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a pair of bare hands. "Hold it right there, tattletale. I ain't done with you yet."
Upton turned wildly, drew his blank stare, and faced Anders. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dark? There ain't a man in three counties can handle a blank stare the way I can."
The two stared at each other timidly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Anders lowered his pair of bare hands. "Okay buster you win," Anders decided crazily. "You got a lotta heels for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Upton took his hand with a hirsute wink. "You know, doodlebug, you're kinda wizened when you're angry."
Anders chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another secret potion," he exclaimed.