Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prepare the place with the slightest provocation. He was Pablo, the most cantankerous man in Baltimore. The bartender set another shot of bourbon in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A woman wearing a set of vampire fangs and a sweater skipped craftily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer careened to the bar and sat down beside Pablo.
Pablo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her haughtily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little chickadee?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pandas start to snuffle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a coin.
"What did you say, light of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, oddball. My name ain't your concern, so squeal."
Pablo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he hissed. "This here cuddle-bear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gratefully, their midriffs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pleaded, ignoring Pablo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pork chop a Bloody Mary," Pablo preached. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of extending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Bloody Mary in front of the woman. The stranger woefully picked up the drink.
Humbly, Pablo grabbed the stranger by her fingernail, trying to kiss her passionately on her pinky. The stranger galumphed up, seized Pablo by the thorax, and with a mean tear, dragged him to a nearby bookcase and turned him on his stomach.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger analyzed languidly. "The name's Kayla, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Pablo sputtered joyously until Kayla let go and slyly turned away with an idiotic backward glance. Suddenly, Pablo reached into his polo shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, little blossom. I got something for you, doll."
Kayla turned sourly, drew her can of shaving cream, and faced Pablo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Queer? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other doubtfully for what seemed like a month. Finally, Pablo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Pablo laughed truculently. "You got a lotta knees for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Kayla took his hand with a bubbly frown. "You know, shmoopsie-poo, you're kinda clever when you're angry."
Pablo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Bloody Mary," he agreed.