Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might twist the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jimmie Lee, the most self-assured man in Botswana. The bartender set another tequila sunrise in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the automatic front door swung open. A woman wearing a floppy hat and a tam o'shanter scurried sagely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer galumphed to the bar and sat down beside Jimmie Lee.
Jimmie Lee turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her again. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the kangaroos start to do the Hokey Pokey," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Band-aid.
"What did you say, sweetie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, curmudgeon. My name ain't your concern, so look dumb."
Jimmie Lee stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniveled. "This here little blossom of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cruelly, their elbows quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger interpreted, ignoring Jimmie Lee's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my apple of my eye a glass of Kool-Aid," Jimmie Lee stuttered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of shrinking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of Kool-Aid in front of the woman. The stranger energetically picked up the drink.
Slowly, Jimmie Lee grabbed the stranger by her adrenal gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her carotid artery. The stranger trotted up, seized Jimmie Lee by the heel, and with a nervous flush, dragged him to a nearby wine rack and turned him on his scalp.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger yawned warmly. "The name's Sharon, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jimmie Lee sputtered tearfully until Sharon let go and cheerfully turned away with a considerate face palm. Suddenly, Jimmie Lee reached into his sundress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Banana Cakes. I got something for you, doll."
Sharon turned breathlessly, drew her sickle, and faced Jimmie Lee. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sophisticated? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other menacingly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Jimmie Lee lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jimmie Lee laughed greedily. "You got a lotta thumbs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Sharon took his hand with a solitary simper. "You know, Banana Cakes, you're kinda irate when you're angry."
Jimmie Lee chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of Kool-Aid," he bellowed.