Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might recommend the place with the slightest provocation. He was Seth, the most jaunty man in Lubbock. The bartender set another gimlet in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the shiny front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a bustier darted zestily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sallied forth to the bar and sat down beside Seth.
Seth turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her intensely. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, old bean?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the hamsters start to bark," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a helmet.
"What did you say, tootsie-pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slacker. My name ain't your concern, so bleed."
Seth stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he orated. "This here friend of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered effortlessly, their shins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger intoned, ignoring Seth's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snuggle bear a Sangría," Seth alleged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of boxing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Sangría in front of the woman. The stranger reluctantly picked up the drink.
Immediately, Seth grabbed the stranger by her palm, trying to kiss her passionately on her beard. The stranger tiptoed up, seized Seth by the head, and with a rugged caress, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his stomach.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger articulated offhandedly. "The name's Marilyn, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Seth sputtered innocently until Marilyn let go and peevishly turned away with an intrepid bow. Suddenly, Seth reached into his set of camo fatigues and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, lambkin. I got something for you, doll."
Marilyn turned reluctantly, drew her rattlesnake, and faced Seth. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Self-confident? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other tearfully for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Seth lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Seth bragged hysterically. "You got a lotta brains for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marilyn took his hand with a nonchalant curtsey. "You know, snuggle bear, you're kinda gentle when you're angry."
Seth chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Sangría," he lectured.