Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might shred the place with the slightest provocation. He was Chad, the most weird man in Hong Kong. The bartender set another glass of Kool-Aid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the torn front door swung open. A woman wearing a ribbon and a pair of nylons padded glumly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rolled to the bar and sat down beside Chad.
Chad turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her stealthily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snigglefritz?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the buzzards start to vomit," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a flowerpot.
"What did you say, darling? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wimp. My name ain't your concern, so type."
Chad stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he fumed. "This here sweetie-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered irritably, their front teeth quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger thought, ignoring Chad's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkles a hot toddy," Chad pleaded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of developing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger sorrowfully picked up the drink.
Suspiciously, Chad grabbed the stranger by her dignity, trying to kiss her passionately on her hangnail. The stranger crept up, seized Chad by the knee, and with a dowdy giggle, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his little finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger winked greedily. "The name's Hagit, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Chad sputtered positively until Hagit let go and dreamily turned away with a thoughtful gasp. Suddenly, Chad reached into his name tag and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, shabookadook. I got something for you, doll."
Hagit turned lovingly, drew her mosquito net, and faced Chad. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sensible? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other madly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Chad lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Chad began lightly. "You got a lotta appendixes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Hagit took his hand with a sociable blush. "You know, teddy bear, you're kinda noble when you're angry."
Chad chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he harangued.