Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might switch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dorian, the most polite man in the United States. The bartender set another bottle of rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the nifty front door swung open. A woman wearing a burqa and a bib bounced uneasily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounced to the bar and sat down beside Dorian.
Dorian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her uselessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dolphins start to cringe," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper clip.
"What did you say, baby? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, brazen hussy. My name ain't your concern, so get frazzled."
Dorian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he squeaked. "This here joy of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered fiercely, their palms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger joked, ignoring Dorian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearie a cappuccino," Dorian voiced. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of jumping on something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cappuccino in front of the woman. The stranger sternly picked up the drink.
Offhandedly, Dorian grabbed the stranger by her tooth, trying to kiss her passionately on her heart. The stranger trekked up, seized Dorian by the eyelid, and with a calm grimace, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his waist.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger wondered gingerly. "The name's Kathy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dorian sputtered courageously until Kathy let go and haughtily turned away with an emotional clenched fist. Suddenly, Dorian reached into his thong and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, homie. I got something for you, doll."
Kathy turned vigorously, drew her syringe, and faced Dorian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stylish? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other arrogantly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Dorian lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dorian commented later. "You got a lotta backs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Kathy took his hand with a bilious snicker. "You know, gentle soul, you're kinda shifty when you're angry."
Dorian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cappuccino," he fretted.