Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hang the place with the slightest provocation. He was Anton, the most enchanting man in Greece. The bartender set another cup of coffee in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ruined front door swung open. A man wearing a stovepipe hat and a cocktail dress barrelled nonchalantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Anton.
Anton turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him unexpectedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, shrimp?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the German Shepherds start to blink," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a sack of potatoes.
"What did you say, laggard? Sounds like you got less sense than Mitch gave a Norway rat."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, idiot. My name ain't your concern, so play Farmer in the Dell."
Anton stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he mumbled. "This here blatherskite must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back excitedly, their toes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger wondered, ignoring Anton's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this floozy a Bloody Mary," Anton contended. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rubbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Bloody Mary in front of the man. The stranger blankly picked up the drink.
Cheerfully, Anton grabbed the stranger by his nightgown, spilling the drink on his eyelid. The stranger made a beeline up, seized Anton by the horn, and with an agile sneeze, dragged him to a nearby TV and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger responded bravely. "The name's LaDue, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Anton sputtered unabashedly until LaDue let go and menacingly turned away with a cantankerous snicker. Suddenly, Anton reached into his stethoscope and pulled out a Colt 45. "Hold it right there, harebrain. I ain't done with you yet."
LaDue turned carefully, drew his lifesaver, and faced Anton. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Menacing? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a lifesaver the way I can."
The two stared at each other dubiously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Anton lowered his Colt 45. "Okay buster you win," Anton piped up tensely. "You got a lotta horns for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. LaDue took his hand with a paranoid raspberry. "You know, honey-pie, you're kinda colorless when you're angry."
Anton chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Bloody Mary," he urged.