Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might guard the place with the slightest provocation. He was Devin, the most shifty man in Louisiana. The bartender set another rum and Coke in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ridiculous front door swung open. A woman wearing a leotard and a loincloth slipped grandly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lumbered to the bar and sat down beside Devin.
Devin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her grandly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lambkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bears start to talk," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a skull.
"What did you say, baby? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lackwit. My name ain't your concern, so stare."
Devin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he hissed. "This here tootsie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered delicately, their tails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger provoked, ignoring Devin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sunshine a glass of champagne," Devin sniffed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of slapping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of champagne in front of the woman. The stranger excitedly picked up the drink.
Fiercely, Devin grabbed the stranger by her midriff, trying to kiss her passionately on her pancreas. The stranger danced up, seized Devin by the little toe, and with a bold sigh, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his pancreas.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger fumed glumly. "The name's Danielle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Devin sputtered positively until Danielle let go and obediently turned away with a careful wince. Suddenly, Devin reached into his necktie and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, heart of hearts. I got something for you, doll."
Danielle turned vacantly, drew her BB gun, and faced Devin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Tall? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other victoriously for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Devin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Devin expressed admiringly. "You got a lotta skins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Danielle took his hand with a shiftless curtsey. "You know, sugar, you're kinda idiotic when you're angry."
Devin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of champagne," he nattered.