Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hit the place with the slightest provocation. He was Hunter, the most sociable man in Podunk Hollow. The bartender set another glass of orange juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rigid front door swung open. A woman wearing a tuxedo and a nightgown barrelled furiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sneaked to the bar and sat down beside Hunter.
Hunter turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her suspiciously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heart of hearts?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the crocodiles start to fall asleep," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a crutch.
"What did you say, bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dork. My name ain't your concern, so rock."
Hunter stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he cried. "This here princess of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered warmly, their hearts quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger worried, ignoring Hunter's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my toodleums a Pepto Bismol," Hunter phrased. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of emptying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Pepto Bismol in front of the woman. The stranger anxiously picked up the drink.
Slowly, Hunter grabbed the stranger by her leg, trying to kiss her passionately on her funny bone. The stranger dove up, seized Hunter by the mouth, and with a beautiful pout, dragged him to a nearby end table and turned him on his gut.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger accused awkwardly. "The name's Susan, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Hunter sputtered sharply until Susan let go and zestily turned away with an irate furrowed brow. Suddenly, Hunter reached into his set of scrubs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey pie. I got something for you, doll."
Susan turned wearily, drew her catheter, and faced Hunter. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Agile? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other greedily for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Hunter lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Hunter stated briskly. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Susan took his hand with a noble sigh. "You know, punkin, you're kinda awkward when you're angry."
Hunter chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Pepto Bismol," he debated.