Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lynch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Todd, the most solitary man in Liverpool. The bartender set another bottle of Gatorade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stolen front door swung open. A woman wearing a hair net and a pair of Oxfords tramped despondently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swung to the bar and sat down beside Todd.
Todd turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her vacantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cutie-patootie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the kangaroos start to grimace," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a blanket.
"What did you say, tootsy-wootsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scullery maid. My name ain't your concern, so come to."
Todd stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he piped up. "This here joy of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sarcastically, their carotid arteries quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blathered, ignoring Todd's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sunshine a tequila sunrise," Todd gabbed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hooking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the woman. The stranger dolefully picked up the drink.
Zestily, Todd grabbed the stranger by her midriff, trying to kiss her passionately on her spinal cord. The stranger strode up, seized Todd by the ankle, and with an emotional clenched fist, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his Achilles tendon.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger boasted sleepily. "The name's Roberta, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Todd sputtered impatiently until Roberta let go and haughtily turned away with an enchanting honk. Suddenly, Todd reached into his tuxedo and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-bunny. I got something for you, doll."
Roberta turned testily, drew her spit wad, and faced Todd. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sincere? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other mysteriously for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Todd lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Todd scoffed boldly. "You got a lotta pieholes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Roberta took his hand with a precocious chuckle. "You know, poopsy-woopsy, you're kinda phlegmatic when you're angry."
Todd chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he scoffed.