Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might feel the place with the slightest provocation. He was Sebastian, the most lively man in Toledo. The bartender set another glass of KoolAid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the odd front door swung open. A woman wearing a fez and a pair of panties bolted effortlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flounced to the bar and sat down beside Sebastian.
Sebastian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her warmly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, doll?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the roosters start to tremble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hair brush.
"What did you say, pet? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, geek. My name ain't your concern, so jerk."
Sebastian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he cackled. "This here toodleums of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered calmly, their earlobes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger insisted, ignoring Sebastian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my rose petal a cup of eggnog," Sebastian began. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of poking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of eggnog in front of the woman. The stranger softly picked up the drink.
Energetically, Sebastian grabbed the stranger by her pancreas, trying to kiss her passionately on her front tooth. The stranger galumphed up, seized Sebastian by the little toe, and with a creepy twitch, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his toe.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger squeaked jokingly. "The name's Bev, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Sebastian sputtered merrily until Bev let go and grudgingly turned away with a fashionable snort. Suddenly, Sebastian reached into his negligee and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, old friend. I got something for you, doll."
Bev turned innocently, drew her angry glare, and faced Sebastian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Freakish? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other unexpectedly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Sebastian lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Sebastian chanted breathlessly. "You got a lotta faces for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bev took his hand with a phlegmatic guffaw. "You know, baby-doll, you're kinda agitated when you're angry."
Sebastian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of eggnog," he prattled.