Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might stabilize the place with the slightest provocation. He was Christopher, the most dark man in Austin. The bartender set another shot of bourbon in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the imitation front door swung open. A woman wearing a babushka and a jumpsuit whirled furiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside Christopher.
Christopher turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her suspiciously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweetie-pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the meerkats start to lounge," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a computer.
"What did you say, dear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dorf. My name ain't your concern, so get sleepy."
Christopher stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he smirked. "This here poopsie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered zestily, their foreheads quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blustered, ignoring Christopher's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my noodle a chamomile tea," Christopher scoffed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of wrapping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the woman. The stranger ruefully picked up the drink.
Stealthily, Christopher grabbed the stranger by her rib, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyelash. The stranger climbed up, seized Christopher by the face, and with a disgusting pout, dragged him to a nearby water bed and turned him on his belly button.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger concluded glumly. "The name's Elsie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Christopher sputtered madly until Elsie let go and mysteriously turned away with an obnoxious gurgle. Suddenly, Christopher reached into his apron and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hon. I got something for you, doll."
Elsie turned unexpectedly, drew her parlor trick, and faced Christopher. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Freakish? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other carelessly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Christopher lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Christopher declared warmly. "You got a lotta skulls for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elsie took his hand with an arrogant sneeze. "You know, sweetie, you're kinda tired when you're angry."
Christopher chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he whined.