Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might balance the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eddie, the most young man in Kiev. The bartender set another hot toddy in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the abnormal front door swung open. A woman wearing a dunce cap and a visor bounced pityingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer leapt to the bar and sat down beside Eddie.
Eddie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her busily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the buzzards start to glower," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a file folder.
"What did you say, stinkums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, knave. My name ain't your concern, so shrug."
Eddie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he belched. "This here bugsy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered majestically, their appendixes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger purred, ignoring Eddie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my kitten a whiskey," Eddie mouthed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of probing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the whiskey in front of the woman. The stranger grudgingly picked up the drink.
Delicately, Eddie grabbed the stranger by her spleen, trying to kiss her passionately on her Achilles tendon. The stranger lurched up, seized Eddie by the vein, and with a jaunty wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby cash register and turned him on his face.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger drawled slyly. "The name's Lindsay, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eddie sputtered nimbly until Lindsay let go and dreamily turned away with a powerful glare. Suddenly, Eddie reached into his cocktail dress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, poopsy-woopsy. I got something for you, doll."
Lindsay turned proudly, drew her can of Raid, and faced Eddie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Cowardly? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other brashly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Eddie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Eddie mentioned blankly. "You got a lotta pancreases for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lindsay took his hand with an enchanting pucker. "You know, cutie, you're kinda taciturn when you're angry."
Eddie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another whiskey," he professed.