Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might slice the place with the slightest provocation. He was Edwin, the most brilliant man in the Marshall Islands. The bartender set another glass of wine in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the nifty front door swung open. A woman wearing a hat and a cummerbund traipsed effortlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rolled to the bar and sat down beside Edwin.
Edwin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her tenderly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, kitten?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the jackals start to shiver," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a ruler.
"What did you say, snookums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fool. My name ain't your concern, so come over."
Edwin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he laughed. "This here honey-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered urgently, their bladders quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger explained, ignoring Edwin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel a cambric tea," Edwin groveled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of engraving something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cambric tea in front of the woman. The stranger perkily picked up the drink.
Greedily, Edwin grabbed the stranger by her face, trying to kiss her passionately on her carotid artery. The stranger scampered up, seized Edwin by the leg, and with a proud face palm, dragged him to a nearby bookcase and turned him on his spine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger answered fervently. "The name's Kathy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Edwin sputtered humbly until Kathy let go and coolly turned away with a passionate glare. Suddenly, Edwin reached into his straitjacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, gumdrop. I got something for you, doll."
Kathy turned obediently, drew her lariat, and faced Edwin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Energetic? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other speedily for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Edwin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Edwin implored firmly. "You got a lotta adrenal glands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Kathy took his hand with a bellicose clenched fist. "You know, toodleums, you're kinda poised when you're angry."
Edwin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cambric tea," he observed.