Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might propel the place with the slightest provocation. He was Alton, the most sincere man in Poland. The bartender set another Seven and Seven in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the prickly front door swung open. A man wearing a sweatshirt and a jumper hopped boisterously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strode to the bar and sat down beside Alton.
Alton turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him ruefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, witch?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the canaries start to adjust," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a can of beans.
"What did you say, geek? Sounds like you got less sense than Devlin gave a crocodile."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hog. My name ain't your concern, so whistle."
Alton stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniped. "This here stooge must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back glibly, their kidneys trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger ranted, ignoring Alton's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this bugbrain a cup of coffee," Alton analyzed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stabilizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of coffee in front of the man. The stranger sourly picked up the drink.
Sorrowfully, Alton grabbed the stranger by his smartwatch, spilling the drink on his Achilles tendon. The stranger swaggered up, seized Alton by the skull, and with a disgusting shrug, dragged him to a nearby casket and turned him on his eyeball.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger suggested pityingly. "The name's Guido, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Alton sputtered cheerfully until Guido let go and swiftly turned away with a yappy chuckle. Suddenly, Alton reached into his floppy hat and pulled out a supply of courage. "Hold it right there, reptile. I ain't done with you yet."
Guido turned victoriously, drew his disarming smile, and faced Alton. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sleek? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a disarming smile the way I can."
The two stared at each other zestily for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Alton lowered his supply of courage. "Okay buster you win," Alton insisted humbly. "You got a lotta eyelashes for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Guido took his hand with a self-assured crow. "You know, poopsie, you're kinda lazy when you're angry."
Alton chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of coffee," he added.