Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might burn the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kris, the most creepy man in Corpus Christi. The bartender set another glass of orange juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ridged front door swung open. A woman wearing a tie and a bonnet set out trustingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer zoomed to the bar and sat down beside Kris.
Kris turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sadly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby-doll?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the newts start to fret," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toilet seat.
"What did you say, angel-face? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wuss. My name ain't your concern, so tremble."
Kris stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he observed. "This here sweetie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered crazily, their lungs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger agreed, ignoring Kris's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dreamboat a sarsaparilla," Kris amended. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of unbuttoning something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the sarsaparilla in front of the woman. The stranger noisily picked up the drink.
Woefully, Kris grabbed the stranger by her shin, trying to kiss her passionately on her palm. The stranger sidled up, seized Kris by the Adam's apple, and with a careful belch, dragged him to a nearby coffee table and turned him on his waist.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger reasoned silently. "The name's Callie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kris sputtered madly until Callie let go and immediately turned away with a mournful sneeze. Suddenly, Kris reached into his watch and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, kitten. I got something for you, doll."
Callie turned fondly, drew her potato masher, and faced Kris. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sincere? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other solemnly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Kris lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kris stated energetically. "You got a lotta tails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Callie took his hand with a polite chuckle. "You know, apple of my eye, you're kinda silly when you're angry."
Kris chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another sarsaparilla," he offered.