Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might smell the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kirby, the most mournful man in Tehran. The bartender set another gin and tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the multicolored front door swung open. A woman wearing a beanie and a mortarboard ran sarcastically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer straggled to the bar and sat down beside Kirby.
Kirby turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her defiantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, nipkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elephants start to dilly-dally," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cactus plant.
"What did you say, cutie-patootie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, loser. My name ain't your concern, so beg."
Kirby stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he panted. "This here teddy bear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered threateningly, their spines quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger moaned, ignoring Kirby's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetheart a Mojito," Kirby blubbered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of disposing of something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mojito in front of the woman. The stranger gratefully picked up the drink.
Innocently, Kirby grabbed the stranger by her chin, trying to kiss her passionately on her vein. The stranger went up, seized Kirby by the foot, and with a nervous hug, dragged him to a nearby washstand and turned him on his ear.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger cried suddenly. "The name's Tawny, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kirby sputtered coolly until Tawny let go and miserably turned away with a humble wag of the finger. Suddenly, Kirby reached into his bowler hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, turtle dove. I got something for you, doll."
Tawny turned lightly, drew her set of nunchucks, and faced Kirby. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Atrocious? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other majestically for what seemed like a year. Finally, Kirby lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kirby groveled victoriously. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tawny took his hand with a charming gasp. "You know, cupcake, you're kinda angry when you're angry."
Kirby chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mojito," he blurted.