Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might experience the place with the slightest provocation. He was Sebastian, the most obnoxious man in Boise. The bartender set another daiquiri in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the greasy front door swung open. A woman wearing an overcoat and a cowboy hat danced hastily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer staggered to the bar and sat down beside Sebastian.
Sebastian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sarcastically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, stinkums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the aardvarks start to raise an eyebrow," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a diamond.
"What did you say, sugar plum? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clod. My name ain't your concern, so dither."
Sebastian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he debated. "This here shmoopsie-poo of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered frantically, their waists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger vouched, ignoring Sebastian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my doodlebug a glass of carrot juice," Sebastian recited. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of mending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of carrot juice in front of the woman. The stranger glibly picked up the drink.
Valiantly, Sebastian grabbed the stranger by her lung, trying to kiss her passionately on her thigh. The stranger danced up, seized Sebastian by the eye, and with a selfish snigger, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his palm.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chimed sorrowfully. "The name's Bailey, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Sebastian sputtered wryly until Bailey let go and hungrily turned away with an undignified squint. Suddenly, Sebastian reached into his veil and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, moonbeam. I got something for you, doll."
Bailey turned humbly, drew her air rifle, and faced Sebastian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wicked? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other courteously for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Sebastian lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Sebastian chortled hungrily. "You got a lotta intestines for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bailey took his hand with a cowardly backward glance. "You know, turtle dove, you're kinda portly when you're angry."
Sebastian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of carrot juice," he grunted.