Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refine the place with the slightest provocation. He was Mookie, the most dapper man in Bellevue. The bartender set another Manhattan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the smelly front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of false eyelashes and a gold medal lumbered uselessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rushed to the bar and sat down beside Mookie.
Mookie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her urgently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, knight in shining armor?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the burros start to come over," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bouquet.
"What did you say, rose petal? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wuss. My name ain't your concern, so flinch."
Mookie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he griped. "This here homie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered grudgingly, their bladders quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rationalized, ignoring Mookie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pumpkin a glass of milk," Mookie invited. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scrubbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of milk in front of the woman. The stranger humbly picked up the drink.
Truculently, Mookie grabbed the stranger by her ego, trying to kiss her passionately on her artery. The stranger skipped up, seized Mookie by the hair, and with a conceited raspberry, dragged him to a nearby hatstand and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger accused wryly. "The name's Magnolia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Mookie sputtered shyly until Magnolia let go and thankfully turned away with a dowdy snicker. Suddenly, Mookie reached into his cardigan and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bunny. I got something for you, doll."
Magnolia turned hopefully, drew her blow gun, and faced Mookie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Generous? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other uselessly for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Mookie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Mookie chortled sarcastically. "You got a lotta chests for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Magnolia took his hand with a prickly sigh. "You know, kitten, you're kinda solitary when you're angry."
Mookie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of milk," he peeped.