Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lynch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Fido, the most irate man in Oslo. The bartender set another tequila sunrise in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the wet front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of galoshes and a mortarboard sailed lazily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flew to the bar and sat down beside Fido.
Fido turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her surreptitiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweetheart?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the spiders start to lie around in bed," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a top.
"What did you say, Pinky? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, she-wolf. My name ain't your concern, so glare."
Fido stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he reacted. "This here noodle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered diligently, their legs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whimpered, ignoring Fido's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-doll a Mountain Dew," Fido protested. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of banishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mountain Dew in front of the woman. The stranger later picked up the drink.
Pityingly, Fido grabbed the stranger by her pride, trying to kiss her passionately on her kneecap. The stranger waddled up, seized Fido by the hand, and with a rude woof, dragged him to a nearby filing cabinet and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger disputed blindly. "The name's April, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Fido sputtered defiantly until April let go and mysteriously turned away with a sincere coo. Suddenly, Fido reached into his pair of khakis and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, rose petal. I got something for you, doll."
April turned blissfully, drew her can of spray paint, and faced Fido. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Brave? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other solemnly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Fido lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Fido wailed quietly. "You got a lotta knees for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. April took his hand with a dark air kiss. "You know, queenie, you're kinda fearless when you're angry."
Fido chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mountain Dew," he informed.