Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might catch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ace, the most sassy man in Algiers. The bartender set another chamomile tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the scarlet front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of moccasins and a blouse ambled despondently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer careened to the bar and sat down beside Ace.
Ace turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her merrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little cherry blossom?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the eels start to slobber," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hammer.
"What did you say, heart of hearts? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, degenerate. My name ain't your concern, so pause."
Ace stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he contended. "This here honey-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered later, their hairdos quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger squealed, ignoring Ace's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my heart of hearts a gimlet," Ace chanted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of folding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gimlet in front of the woman. The stranger despondently picked up the drink.
Stupidly, Ace grabbed the stranger by her lip, trying to kiss her passionately on her buttocks. The stranger went up, seized Ace by the skull, and with a paranoid gasp, dragged him to a nearby counter and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger intimated ignobly. "The name's Peggy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ace sputtered intensely until Peggy let go and fondly turned away with a bellicose smirk. Suddenly, Ace reached into his polo shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweetie. I got something for you, doll."
Peggy turned threateningly, drew her candlestick, and faced Ace. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Annoying? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dolorously for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Ace lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Ace chanted sourly. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Peggy took his hand with a blubbery raspberry. "You know, baby-cakes, you're kinda puzzled when you're angry."
Ace chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gimlet," he spewed.