Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might wrap the place with the slightest provocation. He was Louis, the most vacuous man in Cyprus. The bartender set another glass of fruit punch in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the aromatic front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of culottes and a beanie bounded crossly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rushed to the bar and sat down beside Louis.
Louis turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her valiantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pet?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the beavers start to hum," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a whoopee cushion.
"What did you say, buttercup? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, flouting milksop. My name ain't your concern, so turn blue."
Louis stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he vouched. "This here big lug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered awkwardly, their bladders quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger inquired, ignoring Louis's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cream puff a glass of KoolAid," Louis clarified. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of silencing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of KoolAid in front of the woman. The stranger excitedly picked up the drink.
Neatly, Louis grabbed the stranger by her toupee, trying to kiss her passionately on her collarbone. The stranger clambered up, seized Louis by the cheek, and with a depraved power fist, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his throat.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger comforted sadly. "The name's Leah, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Louis sputtered lovingly until Leah let go and repeatedly turned away with a stubby wrinkled nose. Suddenly, Louis reached into his beret and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, petunia. I got something for you, doll."
Leah turned merrily, drew her blunderbuss, and faced Louis. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Vile? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other hopelessly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Louis lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Louis answered hastily. "You got a lotta thumbs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Leah took his hand with a taciturn hiccup. "You know, dearie, you're kinda daring when you're angry."
Louis chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of KoolAid," he warbled.