Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might chop the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cosmo, the most grizzled man in Providence. The bartender set another glass of apple juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a set of pink foam curlers and a smartwatch padded daringly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scampered to the bar and sat down beside Cosmo.
Cosmo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sweetly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the buzzards start to dilly-dally," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a soccer ball.
"What did you say, Boopsie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, reptile. My name ain't your concern, so purr."
Cosmo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he noted. "This here sugar plum of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered trustingly, their hips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger panted, ignoring Cosmo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my main squeeze an old fashioned," Cosmo drawled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of strengthening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the old fashioned in front of the woman. The stranger tenderly picked up the drink.
Wryly, Cosmo grabbed the stranger by her vein, trying to kiss her passionately on her hair. The stranger jumped up, seized Cosmo by the spine, and with a daring sniffle, dragged him to a nearby crib and turned him on his cheek.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger mentioned blindly. "The name's Polly, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cosmo sputtered glibly until Polly let go and wearily turned away with a rapacious evil eye. Suddenly, Cosmo reached into his heavy layer of makeup and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, buttercup. I got something for you, doll."
Polly turned needlessly, drew her ukulele, and faced Cosmo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Cute? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other daintily for what seemed like a century. Finally, Cosmo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cosmo pleaded coolly. "You got a lotta mouths for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Polly took his hand with a monstrous snarl. "You know, beloved, you're kinda anemic when you're angry."
Cosmo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another old fashioned," he drawled.