Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might box the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eldon, the most suave man in California. The bartender set another tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the flexible front door swung open. A man wearing a wizard's hat and a maxi skirt set out crankily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Eldon.
Eldon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him cleverly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, worm?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the groundhogs start to laugh," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a sack of potatoes.
"What did you say, fruitcake? Sounds like you got less sense than Rocket gave a bandicoot."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, psycho. My name ain't your concern, so chortle."
Eldon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he belched. "This here gazelle must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back craftily, their shins trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger remarked, ignoring Eldon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this ghoul a cup of cocoa," Eldon jeered. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of kicking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of cocoa in front of the man. The stranger unabashedly picked up the drink.
Happily, Eldon grabbed the stranger by his pair of Crocs, spilling the drink on his spinal cord. The stranger bounced up, seized Eldon by the toenail, and with a rude chuckle, dragged him to a nearby coffee table and turned him on his eye.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger remarked gleefully. "The name's Stephen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eldon sputtered hastily until Stephen let go and wryly turned away with a dark pucker. Suddenly, Eldon reached into his surgical mask and pulled out a disinfectant. "Hold it right there, dumbbell. I ain't done with you yet."
Stephen turned strictly, drew his bullwhip, and faced Eldon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Tired? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a bullwhip the way I can."
The two stared at each other grimly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Eldon lowered his disinfectant. "Okay buster you win," Eldon quoted woodenly. "You got a lotta belly buttons for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Stephen took his hand with a muddled kiss. "You know, joy of my life, you're kinda frantic when you're angry."
Eldon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of cocoa," he harangued.