Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might mend the place with the slightest provocation. He was Nicholas, the most amiable man in Mexico City. The bartender set another 7-Up in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the smumpy front door swung open. A woman wearing a gown and a bowler hat cantered cheerfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer set out to the bar and sat down beside Nicholas.
Nicholas turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her tearfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snuggle bear?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ducks start to adjust," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pop bottle.
"What did you say, starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nerd. My name ain't your concern, so quiver."
Nicholas stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he cajoled. "This here cupcake of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered hungrily, their dignity quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger vowed, ignoring Nicholas's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my nipkin a whiskey sour," Nicholas blurted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of sanding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the whiskey sour in front of the woman. The stranger curiously picked up the drink.
Swiftly, Nicholas grabbed the stranger by her toenail, trying to kiss her passionately on her claw. The stranger slumped up, seized Nicholas by the rib, and with a homely grunt, dragged him to a nearby card table and turned him on his lung.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rebutted rapidly. "The name's Winnie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Nicholas sputtered pitifully until Winnie let go and furiously turned away with a cowardly laugh. Suddenly, Nicholas reached into his nightgown and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, toodleums. I got something for you, doll."
Winnie turned silently, drew her broadsword, and faced Nicholas. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Modest? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other smoothly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Nicholas lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Nicholas pointed out trustingly. "You got a lotta esophaguses for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Winnie took his hand with a fierce crow. "You know, pipkin, you're kinda weird when you're angry."
Nicholas chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another whiskey sour," he hissed.