Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might score the place with the slightest provocation. He was Phil, the most sarcastic man in Yakima. The bartender set another glass of wine in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gruesome front door swung open. A woman wearing a bowler hat and a space suit galumphed innocently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer inched to the bar and sat down beside Phil.
Phil turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her uneasily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, babe?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cats start to scream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a beach ball.
"What did you say, dear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, beast. My name ain't your concern, so whistle."
Phil stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he screeched. "This here tootsie-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sagely, their knuckles quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shouted, ignoring Phil's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel a milkshake," Phil insisted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of ruining something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the milkshake in front of the woman. The stranger resignedly picked up the drink.
Trustingly, Phil grabbed the stranger by her belly button, trying to kiss her passionately on her kidney. The stranger slipped up, seized Phil by the claw, and with a phlegmatic simper, dragged him to a nearby bed and turned him on his gut.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger affirmed lightly. "The name's Isabel, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Phil sputtered nimbly until Isabel let go and caustically turned away with a gregarious roar. Suddenly, Phil reached into his coat of mail and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hot stuff. I got something for you, doll."
Isabel turned furiously, drew her knife, and faced Phil. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Grizzled? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other busily for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Phil lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Phil declaimed surreptitiously. "You got a lotta tails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Isabel took his hand with a tense chortle. "You know, patootie, you're kinda paranoid when you're angry."
Phil chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another milkshake," he yowled.