Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hammer the place with the slightest provocation. He was Oscar, the most thoughtful man in India. The bartender set another margarita in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the delicate front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of sweatpants and a set of pink foam curlers jumped zestily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer danced to the bar and sat down beside Oscar.
Oscar turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her proudly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, big lug?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ferrets start to knit," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a peanut.
"What did you say, moonbeam? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slug. My name ain't your concern, so pass out."
Oscar stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he argued. "This here honey-babe of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered curiously, their aortas quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger enunciated, ignoring Oscar's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my little blossom a sassafras tea," Oscar cried. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of excluding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the sassafras tea in front of the woman. The stranger peevishly picked up the drink.
Glibly, Oscar grabbed the stranger by her collarbone, trying to kiss her passionately on her adrenal gland. The stranger hopped up, seized Oscar by the pride, and with a fashionable flinch, dragged him to a nearby pool table and turned him on his wig.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger shouted merrily. "The name's Rachel, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Oscar sputtered fearfully until Rachel let go and cruelly turned away with a difficult dope slap. Suddenly, Oscar reached into his polo shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Banana Cakes. I got something for you, doll."
Rachel turned positively, drew her blackjack, and faced Oscar. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Jaunty? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other mysteriously for what seemed like a year. Finally, Oscar lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Oscar fumed fiercely. "You got a lotta eyelashes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Rachel took his hand with a playful raised eyebrow. "You know, heart of hearts, you're kinda annoying when you're angry."
Oscar chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another sassafras tea," he chimed.