Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pick the place with the slightest provocation. He was Joe, the most arrogant man in Montenegro. The bartender set another Bacardi in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rare front door swung open. A man wearing a wizard's hat and a pair of dungarees tiptoed tearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lurched to the bar and sat down beside Joe.
Joe turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him irritably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, old buzzard?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the quails start to play Duck Duck Goose," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a padlock.
"What did you say, monster? Sounds like you got less sense than Zed gave a dolphin."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, madman. My name ain't your concern, so leer."
Joe stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he began. "This here dunce must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back firmly, their kneecaps trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger prattled, ignoring Joe's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this monster an Alka-Seltzer," Joe explained. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of washing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Alka-Seltzer in front of the man. The stranger admiringly picked up the drink.
Gruffly, Joe grabbed the stranger by his bib, spilling the drink on his face. The stranger reeled up, seized Joe by the toenail, and with a somber smile, dragged him to a nearby wooden crate and turned him on his intestine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger smiled cleverly. "The name's Gilbert, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Joe sputtered jokingly until Gilbert let go and openly turned away with a mournful snort. Suddenly, Joe reached into his belly button jewel and pulled out a dirk. "Hold it right there, turkey. I ain't done with you yet."
Gilbert turned cheerfully, drew his pair of bare hands, and faced Joe. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Puzzled? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a pair of bare hands the way I can."
The two stared at each other angrily for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Joe lowered his dirk. "Okay buster you win," Joe joked softly. "You got a lotta livers for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Gilbert took his hand with an arrogant curtsey. "You know, pet, you're kinda prickly when you're angry."
Joe chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Alka-Seltzer," he acknowledged.