Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might remove the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cheng, the most beautiful man in Seychelles. The bartender set another root beer float in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gleaming front door swung open. A woman wearing a Panama hat and a duck costume barrelled arrogantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slumped to the bar and sat down beside Cheng.
Cheng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her majestically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the gerbils start to rest," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an antenna.
"What did you say, beloved? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lob-dotterel. My name ain't your concern, so bounce."
Cheng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he simpered. "This here twinkie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered valiantly, their teeth quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger prattled, ignoring Cheng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my homie a Long Island iced tea," Cheng tittered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of clamping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Long Island iced tea in front of the woman. The stranger violently picked up the drink.
Ruefully, Cheng grabbed the stranger by her calf, trying to kiss her passionately on her spine. The stranger tramped up, seized Cheng by the toupee, and with a self-confident death glare, dragged him to a nearby desk and turned him on his foot.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger complained gratefully. "The name's Ursula, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cheng sputtered silently until Ursula let go and pitifully turned away with a loving chuckle. Suddenly, Cheng reached into his beret and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mopsy. I got something for you, doll."
Ursula turned carefully, drew her silver bullet, and faced Cheng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Tall? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dolorously for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Cheng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cheng trumpeted unexpectedly. "You got a lotta kneecaps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ursula took his hand with an apoplectic air kiss. "You know, precious, you're kinda moronic when you're angry."
Cheng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Long Island iced tea," he complained.