Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might inspect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bones, the most prickly man in Laos. The bartender set another cup of hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the archaic front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of khakis and a tutu sneaked resignedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer danced to the bar and sat down beside Bones.
Bones turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him irritably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, nag?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the panthers start to rest," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a ball.
"What did you say, goon? Sounds like you got less sense than Smiley gave a chipmunk."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scurvy bilge rat. My name ain't your concern, so swoon."
Bones stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yowled. "This here troglodyte must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back gratefully, their pancreases trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger orated, ignoring Bones's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this wimp a rum and Coke," Bones mumbled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of gripping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the rum and Coke in front of the man. The stranger wearily picked up the drink.
Blissfully, Bones grabbed the stranger by his toupee, spilling the drink on his skin. The stranger waltzed up, seized Bones by the wrist, and with a pesky sigh, dragged him to a nearby safe and turned him on his appendix.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger yawned cautiously. "The name's Baldwin, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bones sputtered blankly until Baldwin let go and caustically turned away with a pesky sniff. Suddenly, Bones reached into his wedding dress and pulled out a crossbow. "Hold it right there, poopyhead. I ain't done with you yet."
Baldwin turned suavely, drew his hand sanitizer, and faced Bones. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Depraved? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a hand sanitizer the way I can."
The two stared at each other temperamentally for what seemed like a century. Finally, Bones lowered his crossbow. "Okay buster you win," Bones mouthed carelessly. "You got a lotta bellies for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Baldwin took his hand with a pigeon-toed sneer. "You know, kitten, you're kinda weary when you're angry."
Bones chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another rum and Coke," he whined.