Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Paul, the most coy man in Cape Verde. The bartender set another rum and Coke in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the huge front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat of mail and a G-string ambled flightily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swaggered to the bar and sat down beside Paul.
Paul turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her peevishly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearest?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the duck-billed platypi start to turn blue," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Band-aid.
"What did you say, hon? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, stamp. My name ain't your concern, so glare."
Paul stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he acknowledged. "This here hot stuff of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered numbly, their little fingers quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mouthed, ignoring Paul's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my tootsie-pie a Mai Tai," Paul conversed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of distorting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the woman. The stranger wearily picked up the drink.
Curiously, Paul grabbed the stranger by her carotid artery, trying to kiss her passionately on her front tooth. The stranger barrelled up, seized Paul by the finger, and with a cute wag of the finger, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his rib.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger declared angrily. "The name's Maureen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Paul sputtered effortlessly until Maureen let go and energetically turned away with a phlegmatic grunt. Suddenly, Paul reached into his jumpsuit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, light of my life. I got something for you, doll."
Maureen turned blissfully, drew her shoulder fired rocket, and faced Paul. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Fiendish? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other needlessly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Paul lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Paul fretted dolefully. "You got a lotta spinal cords for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Maureen took his hand with a fearful yawn. "You know, dreamboat, you're kinda shy when you're angry."
Paul chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he hinted.