Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might submerse the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jeff, the most cuddly man in Malaysia. The bartender set another glass of wine in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the porcelain front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of combat boots and a pair of heels swung bravely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer straggled to the bar and sat down beside Jeff.
Jeff turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her accidentally. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, radiant starlight?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the turtles start to kneel," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an etching.
"What did you say, toots? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scullery maid. My name ain't your concern, so get angry."
Jeff stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he gasped. "This here queenie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered trustingly, their waists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yawned, ignoring Jeff's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sugar plum a Harvey Wallbanger," Jeff mouthed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of lynching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the woman. The stranger gracefully picked up the drink.
Tensely, Jeff grabbed the stranger by her intestine, trying to kiss her passionately on her mouth. The stranger stalked up, seized Jeff by the eye, and with a pigeon-toed cringe, dragged him to a nearby bookshelf and turned him on his liver.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued craftily. "The name's June, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jeff sputtered sympathetically until June let go and narrowly turned away with a garrulous furrowed brow. Suddenly, Jeff reached into his pair of boxer shorts and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cuddle-bear. I got something for you, doll."
June turned warily, drew her rattlesnake, and faced Jeff. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Deadly? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other valiantly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Jeff lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jeff babbled admiringly. "You got a lotta toenails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. June took his hand with a vivacious crow. "You know, cuddle-bear, you're kinda powerful when you're angry."
Jeff chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he roared.