Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might get the place with the slightest provocation. He was Vance, the most young man in Micronesia. The bartender set another old fashioned in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the jagged front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of knickerbockers and a cocker spaniel costume jogged blankly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer trotted to the bar and sat down beside Vance.
Vance turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her elatedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey-babe?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pandas start to pray," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a napkin.
"What did you say, sweet? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, renegade. My name ain't your concern, so dither."
Vance stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he jeered. "This here cream puff of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered accidentally, their tails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rumored, ignoring Vance's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my stinkums a tonic," Vance giggled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of vacuuming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tonic in front of the woman. The stranger later picked up the drink.
Hastily, Vance grabbed the stranger by her bladder, trying to kiss her passionately on her fingernail. The stranger dashed up, seized Vance by the cheek, and with an ignoble snort, dragged him to a nearby safe and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger asserted resignedly. "The name's Anne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Vance sputtered courteously until Anne let go and woefully turned away with a weary pound of the chest. Suddenly, Vance reached into his pair of gloves and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie. I got something for you, doll."
Anne turned zestily, drew her shoulder fired rocket, and faced Vance. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Boring? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other stealthily for what seemed like a week. Finally, Vance lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Vance exploded lickety-split. "You got a lotta hands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Anne took his hand with a decisive bow. "You know, mon bébé, you're kinda fearless when you're angry."
Vance chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tonic," he quoted.