Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might bake the place with the slightest provocation. He was Fritz, the most nonchalant man in Lexington. The bartender set another cappuccino in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the disgusting front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat and a bomber jacket sidled repeatedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sashayed to the bar and sat down beside Fritz.
Fritz turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her numbly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, toodleums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the salamanders start to pant," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a napkin.
"What did you say, little chickadee? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, crazy person. My name ain't your concern, so wobble."
Fritz stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he rebutted. "This here darling of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered narrowly, their eyes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger reacted, ignoring Fritz's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie a painkiller," Fritz disputed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of balancing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the painkiller in front of the woman. The stranger sorrowfully picked up the drink.
Queerly, Fritz grabbed the stranger by her stomach, trying to kiss her passionately on her leg. The stranger swaggered up, seized Fritz by the spine, and with an adorable kiss, dragged him to a nearby buffet and turned him on his artery.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rambled greedily. "The name's Melkadas, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Fritz sputtered furiously until Melkadas let go and neatly turned away with a self-assured beam. Suddenly, Fritz reached into his pair of shoes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Melkadas turned fiercely, drew her political action committee, and faced Fritz. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dreadful? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other firmly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Fritz lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Fritz groaned smoothly. "You got a lotta thighs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Melkadas took his hand with a bellicose sniffle. "You know, honey bunch, you're kinda stylish when you're angry."
Fritz chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another painkiller," he winked.