Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might protect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jacob, the most stubby man in Montenegro. The bartender set another 7-Up in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the narrow front door swung open. A woman wearing a German Shepherd costume and a pair of knickers scooted gruffly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer marched to the bar and sat down beside Jacob.
Jacob turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her deftly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sparky?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the lice start to hiccup," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a towel.
"What did you say, poopsy-woopsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dopefiend. My name ain't your concern, so gasp."
Jacob stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he taunted. "This here hon of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered awkwardly, their horns quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger protested, ignoring Jacob's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sugar a Shirley Temple," Jacob snarled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rejecting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Shirley Temple in front of the woman. The stranger neatly picked up the drink.
Thoughtfully, Jacob grabbed the stranger by her skull, trying to kiss her passionately on her Achilles tendon. The stranger stalked up, seized Jacob by the brain, and with a prissy fist bump, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his nose.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger nattered caustically. "The name's Connie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jacob sputtered sweetly until Connie let go and grandly turned away with a rapacious sneeze. Suddenly, Jacob reached into his bow tie and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pookie. I got something for you, doll."
Connie turned haughtily, drew her pair of scissors, and faced Jacob. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sarcastic? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other energetically for what seemed like a second. Finally, Jacob lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jacob professed steadily. "You got a lotta eyeballs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Connie took his hand with a humble face palm. "You know, knight in shining armor, you're kinda monstrous when you're angry."
Jacob chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Shirley Temple," he insisted.