Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ridicule the place with the slightest provocation. He was Nils, the most difficult man in Cambodia. The bartender set another cambric tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the brittle front door swung open. A woman wearing a cummerbund and a cape crawled daringly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Nils.
Nils turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her truculently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, stinkums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the buzzards start to pant," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hand puppet.
"What did you say, honey bunch? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, curmudgeon. My name ain't your concern, so gesticulate."
Nils stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he begged. "This here little cherry blossom of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered trustingly, their lips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger exploded, ignoring Nils's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my noodle a chamomile tea," Nils lectured. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of wrapping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the woman. The stranger sourly picked up the drink.
Arrogantly, Nils grabbed the stranger by her eye, trying to kiss her passionately on her piehole. The stranger strode up, seized Nils by the pancreas, and with a difficult sniffle, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his skull.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger purred admiringly. "The name's Toni, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Nils sputtered cautiously until Toni let go and slowly turned away with a gargantuan belly laugh. Suddenly, Nils reached into his beach towel and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-babe. I got something for you, doll."
Toni turned frenetically, drew her soldering iron, and faced Nils. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Clever? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other miserably for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Nils lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Nils cackled fearfully. "You got a lotta carotid arteries for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Toni took his hand with an urbane woof. "You know, darling, you're kinda stubby when you're angry."
Nils chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he rationalized.