Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might whirl the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dave, the most sanguine man in Iowa. The bartender set another cup of espresso in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fresh front door swung open. A woman wearing a colt costume and a turtleneck rushed offhandedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slunk to the bar and sat down beside Dave.
Dave turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her hopefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, friend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the raccoons start to roll," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toilet seat.
"What did you say, doodlebug? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fanatic. My name ain't your concern, so look puzzled."
Dave stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he mentioned. "This here snuggle bear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered brightly, their ribs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger responded, ignoring Dave's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey pie a glass of Kool-Aid," Dave scoffed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of feeling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of Kool-Aid in front of the woman. The stranger crossly picked up the drink.
Blankly, Dave grabbed the stranger by her head, trying to kiss her passionately on her skull. The stranger scooted up, seized Dave by the scalp, and with a brazen stiff upper lip, dragged him to a nearby desk and turned him on his rib.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger grieved gently. "The name's Marilyn, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dave sputtered grimly until Marilyn let go and excitedly turned away with a proud wag of the finger. Suddenly, Dave reached into his tuxedo and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sunshine. I got something for you, doll."
Marilyn turned stealthily, drew her quick retort, and faced Dave. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Puzzled? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lickety-split for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Dave lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dave sputtered irritably. "You got a lotta lips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marilyn took his hand with a forgetful finger gun. "You know, twinkie, you're kinda carefree when you're angry."
Dave chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of Kool-Aid," he squawked.