Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might decontaminate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Karl, the most garrulous man in Columbus. The bartender set another margarita in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the sophisticated front door swung open. A woman wearing a wedding dress and a visor trekked positively into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swaggered to the bar and sat down beside Karl.
Karl turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her innocently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heartthrob?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dingoes start to quiver," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a spool of thread.
"What did you say, sweetheart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, pair of Groucho glasses. My name ain't your concern, so burble."
Karl stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he wept. "This here shmoopsie-poo of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sorrowfully, their esophaguses quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger bragged, ignoring Karl's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pet a glass of KoolAid," Karl declared. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of greasing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of KoolAid in front of the woman. The stranger effortlessly picked up the drink.
Mysteriously, Karl grabbed the stranger by her pinky, trying to kiss her passionately on her calf. The stranger scooted up, seized Karl by the neck, and with a cunning twitch, dragged him to a nearby four-poster bed and turned him on his face.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger fumed repeatedly. "The name's Evette, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Karl sputtered cheerfully until Evette let go and roughly turned away with a sensible frown. Suddenly, Karl reached into his bikini and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snigglefritz. I got something for you, doll."
Evette turned happily, drew her revolver, and faced Karl. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Gentle? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other openly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Karl lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Karl belched lightly. "You got a lotta eyeballs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Evette took his hand with a loving backward glance. "You know, friend, you're kinda statuesque when you're angry."
Karl chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of KoolAid," he blurted.