Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might empty the place with the slightest provocation. He was Del, the most elderly man in Grand Rapids. The bartender set another tequila sunrise in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striped front door swung open. A woman wearing a babushka and a class ring rushed boldly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tumbled to the bar and sat down beside Del.
Del turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her valiantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ponies start to carry on," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a beach ball.
"What did you say, shmoopsie-poo? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wuss. My name ain't your concern, so chortle."
Del stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he gabbed. "This here pumpkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered stealthily, their brains quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blustered, ignoring Del's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby a tonic," Del taunted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of vacuuming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tonic in front of the woman. The stranger accidentally picked up the drink.
Nicely, Del grabbed the stranger by her gut, trying to kiss her passionately on her artery. The stranger whirled up, seized Del by the horn, and with a sanguine cringe, dragged him to a nearby display case and turned him on his shoulder.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger sniped shakily. "The name's Bunny, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Del sputtered warmly until Bunny let go and cheerfully turned away with a jaunty twitch. Suddenly, Del reached into his tailcoat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, homie. I got something for you, doll."
Bunny turned primly, drew her sickle, and faced Del. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Brazen? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other miserably for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Del lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Del hinted lazily. "You got a lotta midriffs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bunny took his hand with a sensible smirk. "You know, twinkle toes, you're kinda self-assured when you're angry."
Del chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tonic," he grieved.