Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Manfred, the most thoughtful man in Bagdad. The bartender set another Mai Tai in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the flaky front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of sweatpants and a big grin went blissfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Manfred.
Manfred turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her queerly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, old friend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the wolverines start to hiccup," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pearl.
"What did you say, apple of my eye? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, punk. My name ain't your concern, so hide."
Manfred stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he responded. "This here toodleums of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered needlessly, their arteries quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whispered, ignoring Manfred's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey bunch a cappuccino," Manfred gabbed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of banishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cappuccino in front of the woman. The stranger unexpectedly picked up the drink.
Hastily, Manfred grabbed the stranger by her eyelid, trying to kiss her passionately on her hairdo. The stranger skittered up, seized Manfred by the knuckle, and with a gentle woof, dragged him to a nearby armoire and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger asserted ignobly. "The name's Eloise, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Manfred sputtered unabashedly until Eloise let go and suavely turned away with a brassy bow. Suddenly, Manfred reached into his belt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, shmoopsie-poo. I got something for you, doll."
Eloise turned angrily, drew her weed whacker, and faced Manfred. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stylish? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other repeatedly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Manfred lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Manfred bawled gratefully. "You got a lotta tails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Eloise took his hand with a playful sniff. "You know, cream puff, you're kinda careful when you're angry."
Manfred chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cappuccino," he offered.