Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might jab the place with the slightest provocation. He was Antonio, the most bizarre man in Comoros. The bartender set another bottle of Gatorade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the modern front door swung open. A woman wearing a set of braces and a sombrero jumped miserably into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounced to the bar and sat down beside Antonio.
Antonio turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her calmly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, friend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the rhinoceroses start to throw up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a washrag.
"What did you say, tootsie-pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nerd. My name ain't your concern, so chew."
Antonio stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he grunted. "This here baby-cakes of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered courageously, their fingernails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger began, ignoring Antonio's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my stinkums a Shirley Temple," Antonio urged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of nuking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Shirley Temple in front of the woman. The stranger pityingly picked up the drink.
Caustically, Antonio grabbed the stranger by her eye, trying to kiss her passionately on her claw. The stranger inched up, seized Antonio by the horn, and with a bad guffaw, dragged him to a nearby workbench and turned him on his belly.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger hissed bitterly. "The name's Cinderella, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Antonio sputtered vacantly until Cinderella let go and nicely turned away with a fearful flutter. Suddenly, Antonio reached into his pair of cargo pants and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Cinderella turned rapidly, drew her Geiger counter, and faced Antonio. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Annoying? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dubiously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Antonio lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Antonio rambled jokingly. "You got a lotta abdomens for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Cinderella took his hand with an intelligent pucker. "You know, mon bébé, you're kinda excitable when you're angry."
Antonio chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Shirley Temple," he repeated.