Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hide the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kelly, the most masculine man in Athens. The bartender set another ice cream soda in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the expensive front door swung open. A man wearing a burqa and a pair of suspenders tramped courageously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer jogged to the bar and sat down beside Kelly.
Kelly turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him quickly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, wraith?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the zebras start to holler," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a sea shell.
"What did you say, nerd? Sounds like you got less sense than Trent gave a hawk."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fiend. My name ain't your concern, so look smart."
Kelly stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he responded. "This here oddball must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back bravely, their wrists trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger vouched, ignoring Kelly's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this goon a beer," Kelly winked. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of fabricating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the beer in front of the man. The stranger immediately picked up the drink.
Thankfully, Kelly grabbed the stranger by his set of pink foam curlers, spilling the drink on his eyelid. The stranger slid up, seized Kelly by the neck, and with an obedient gurgle, dragged him to a nearby windowsill and turned him on his kneecap.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger swore threateningly. "The name's Calvin, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kelly sputtered busily until Calvin let go and jokingly turned away with a brilliant cheer. Suddenly, Kelly reached into his wig and pulled out a dagger. "Hold it right there, dopefiend. I ain't done with you yet."
Calvin turned brightly, drew his squirt gun, and faced Kelly. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Shifty? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a squirt gun the way I can."
The two stared at each other surreptitiously for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Kelly lowered his dagger. "Okay buster you win," Kelly invited happily. "You got a lotta toenails for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Calvin took his hand with a taciturn beam. "You know, Banana Cakes, you're kinda stern when you're angry."
Kelly chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another beer," he boasted.