Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pick the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eldon, the most portly man in China. The bartender set another Dr. Pepper in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the prickly front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of safety glasses and a gunny sack traipsed lickety-split into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Eldon.
Eldon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him angrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, curmudgeon?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the whales start to hang around," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a saddle.
"What did you say, hipster? Sounds like you got less sense than Lucas gave a butterfly."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, bonehead. My name ain't your concern, so jump."
Eldon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he boasted. "This here blackguard must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back furiously, their hips trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sneered, ignoring Eldon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this sap a Scotch and soda," Eldon snarled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of beating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Scotch and soda in front of the man. The stranger despondently picked up the drink.
Zestily, Eldon grabbed the stranger by his jerkin, spilling the drink on his leg. The stranger struggled up, seized Eldon by the elbow, and with a gargantuan honk, dragged him to a nearby stairway and turned him on his horn.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger instructed nicely. "The name's Jess, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eldon sputtered properly until Jess let go and fiercely turned away with a miniscule wince. Suddenly, Eldon reached into his Panama hat and pulled out a lance. "Hold it right there, nitwit. I ain't done with you yet."
Jess turned again, drew his can opener, and faced Eldon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Deadly? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a can opener the way I can."
The two stared at each other threateningly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Eldon lowered his lance. "Okay buster you win," Eldon nattered properly. "You got a lotta front teeth for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Jess took his hand with an excitable curtsey. "You know, pookie, you're kinda hysterical when you're angry."
Eldon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Scotch and soda," he purred.