Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might scrape the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jason, the most shiftless man in Rhode Island. The bartender set another glass of KoolAid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the torn front door swung open. A woman wearing a midi skirt and a few rancid rags flew silently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Jason.
Jason turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her queerly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pork chop?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the giraffes start to clatter," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cigarette.
"What did you say, home boy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fathead. My name ain't your concern, so flush."
Jason stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he trumpeted. "This here baby of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gracefully, their paws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger guessed, ignoring Jason's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my friend a Mai Tai," Jason realized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stabilizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the woman. The stranger lazily picked up the drink.
Cautiously, Jason grabbed the stranger by her skin, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyelash. The stranger tumbled up, seized Jason by the fingernail, and with a poised finger gun, dragged him to a nearby carpet and turned him on his hoof.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger crooned timidly. "The name's Brianna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jason sputtered awkwardly until Brianna let go and thankfully turned away with a dark snarl. Suddenly, Jason reached into his bomber jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, old friend. I got something for you, doll."
Brianna turned neatly, drew her parlor trick, and faced Jason. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Cocky? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other cleverly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Jason lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jason nattered strangely. "You got a lotta thoraxes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Brianna took his hand with an athletic cringe. "You know, pookie, you're kinda stinky when you're angry."
Jason chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he squeaked.