Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might praise the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jeff, the most eccentric man in Calcutta. The bartender set another sarsaparilla in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the odd front door swung open. A woman wearing a badge and a derby scooted jokingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swaggered to the bar and sat down beside Jeff.
Jeff turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her timidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lambkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bumblebees start to dance," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bottle of painkillers.
"What did you say, starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, prattling gabbler. My name ain't your concern, so scream."
Jeff stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he accused. "This here baby of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered haughtily, their palms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger babbled, ignoring Jeff's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my doll a Mai Tai," Jeff blubbered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scratching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the woman. The stranger furiously picked up the drink.
Carefully, Jeff grabbed the stranger by her skin, trying to kiss her passionately on her nose. The stranger jogged up, seized Jeff by the midriff, and with an excitable death glare, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his midriff.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger noted coolly. "The name's Debbie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jeff sputtered automatically until Debbie let go and speedily turned away with a polite snarl. Suddenly, Jeff reached into his set of scrubs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, lambkin. I got something for you, doll."
Debbie turned mysteriously, drew her hatchet, and faced Jeff. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Childish? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dolefully for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Jeff lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jeff protested noisily. "You got a lotta thyroid glands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Debbie took his hand with an agile guffaw. "You know, sugar-bun, you're kinda obnoxious when you're angry."
Jeff chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he purred.