Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might replace the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jess, the most agile man in Denmark. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crude front door swung open. A man wearing a headscarf and a straitjacket sallied forth unabashedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Jess.
Jess turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him grimly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, wannabe?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the lynxes start to whirl," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Band-aid.
"What did you say, monster? Sounds like you got less sense than Dillon gave a orangutan."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clockmaker. My name ain't your concern, so talk."
Jess stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spewed. "This here dummy must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back valiantly, their jaws trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger warbled, ignoring Jess's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this villain a tequila sunrise," Jess affirmed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of breaking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the man. The stranger nimbly picked up the drink.
Openly, Jess grabbed the stranger by his tinfoil hat, spilling the drink on his midriff. The stranger marched up, seized Jess by the chin, and with a dreadful grin, dragged him to a nearby bed and turned him on his thorax.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger moaned primly. "The name's Edmond, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jess sputtered madly until Edmond let go and swiftly turned away with an annoying shiver. Suddenly, Jess reached into his beehive and pulled out a rubber band. "Hold it right there, harebrain. I ain't done with you yet."
Edmond turned unabashedly, drew his lifesaver, and faced Jess. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dumb? There ain't a man in six counties can handle a lifesaver the way I can."
The two stared at each other nicely for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Jess lowered his rubber band. "Okay buster you win," Jess belched effortlessly. "You got a lotta spleens for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Edmond took his hand with a masculine crow. "You know, sugar-bun, you're kinda sensible when you're angry."
Jess chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he winked.