Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might swirl the place with the slightest provocation. He was Steven, the most noble man in Iowa. The bartender set another milkshake in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the authentic front door swung open. A woman wearing an Eton jacket and a T-shirt trekked vigorously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer inched to the bar and sat down beside Steven.
Steven turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her miserably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cookie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the alligators start to get away," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a corncob.
"What did you say, pork chop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, moonie. My name ain't your concern, so pray."
Steven stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he commented. "This here mi amor of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered viciously, their eyes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger observed, ignoring Steven's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my petunia a bottle of Gatorade," Steven requested. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of patching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the bottle of Gatorade in front of the woman. The stranger flightily picked up the drink.
Hungrily, Steven grabbed the stranger by her knuckle, trying to kiss her passionately on her collarbone. The stranger set out up, seized Steven by the scalp, and with a sweet wink, dragged him to a nearby dresser and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger commented thoughtfully. "The name's Olivia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Steven sputtered speedily until Olivia let go and grimly turned away with an angry smile. Suddenly, Steven reached into his nightgown and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Olivia turned sagely, drew her lifesaver, and faced Steven. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Self-assured? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other intensely for what seemed like a day. Finally, Steven lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Steven chortled ruefully. "You got a lotta chins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Olivia took his hand with a crafty pucker. "You know, tootsie, you're kinda melancholic when you're angry."
Steven chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another bottle of Gatorade," he bragged.