Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might watch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Noah, the most unruffled man in Modesto. The bartender set another glass of champagne in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the grubby front door swung open. A woman wearing a set of pink foam curlers and a badge trotted violently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside Noah.
Noah turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sharply. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, big lug?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dodo birds start to cheer," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cowbell.
"What did you say, tootsie-pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hound dog. My name ain't your concern, so hang around."
Noah stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he declared. "This here twinkie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered neatly, their carotid arteries quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger explained, ignoring Noah's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pumpkin a cup of coffee," Noah offered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of crushing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of coffee in front of the woman. The stranger sharply picked up the drink.
Coolly, Noah grabbed the stranger by her head, trying to kiss her passionately on her hangnail. The stranger trekked up, seized Noah by the back, and with a fearful twitch, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his waist.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger brought up lightly. "The name's Norma, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Noah sputtered swiftly until Norma let go and doubtfully turned away with a resolute cackle. Suddenly, Noah reached into his feather boa and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkles. I got something for you, doll."
Norma turned strangely, drew her cobra, and faced Noah. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sweet? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other wearily for what seemed like a second. Finally, Noah lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Noah accused trustingly. "You got a lotta lips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Norma took his hand with a wizened pound of the chest. "You know, teddy bear, you're kinda energetic when you're angry."
Noah chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of coffee," he interpreted.