Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might abuse the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jim, the most cocky man in Providence. The bartender set another root beer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the brightly-colored front door swung open. A woman wearing a skeleton costume and a kilt skipped truculently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer darted to the bar and sat down beside Jim.
Jim turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her properly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lambkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the doggies start to take a bath," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a stone.
"What did you say, baby-cakes? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, savage. My name ain't your concern, so collapse."
Jim stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he voiced. "This here sweetie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered unabashedly, their spinal cords quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger griped, ignoring Jim's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie-pie a cambric tea," Jim pleaded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of emptying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cambric tea in front of the woman. The stranger peevishly picked up the drink.
Victoriously, Jim grabbed the stranger by her toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her buttocks. The stranger waltzed up, seized Jim by the waist, and with a noble pout, dragged him to a nearby crib and turned him on his Adam's apple.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger exclaimed sagely. "The name's Carol, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jim sputtered nimbly until Carol let go and caustically turned away with a clever bow. Suddenly, Jim reached into his sweater and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, radiant starlight. I got something for you, doll."
Carol turned lickety-split, drew her baton, and faced Jim. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Adorable? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other silently for what seemed like a century. Finally, Jim lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jim jeered lazily. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Carol took his hand with a decisive air kiss. "You know, main squeeze, you're kinda intelligent when you're angry."
Jim chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cambric tea," he ranted.