Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pick the place with the slightest provocation. He was Hugo, the most energetic man in Tijuana. The bartender set another glass of buttermilk in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A woman wearing a hair net and a babushka swung again into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flew to the bar and sat down beside Hugo.
Hugo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her perkily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, buddy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the partridges start to flinch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fossil.
"What did you say, toodleums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, knave. My name ain't your concern, so calm down."
Hugo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he griped. "This here angel-face of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered again, their toupees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger imitated, ignoring Hugo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gentle soul a tequila sunrise," Hugo clarified. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of pruning something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the woman. The stranger hungrily picked up the drink.
Humbly, Hugo grabbed the stranger by her stomach, trying to kiss her passionately on her heel. The stranger waddled up, seized Hugo by the thorax, and with an enchanting flinch, dragged him to a nearby file cabinet and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger roared woodenly. "The name's Regina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Hugo sputtered curiously until Regina let go and viciously turned away with a passionate snort. Suddenly, Hugo reached into his pair of shorts and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, shmoopsie-poo. I got something for you, doll."
Regina turned strangely, drew her stash of bribe money, and faced Hugo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sassy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other hastily for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Hugo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Hugo sputtered viciously. "You got a lotta hearts for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Regina took his hand with an awkward wag of the finger. "You know, dear heart, you're kinda queer when you're angry."
Hugo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he chanted.