Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might probe the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kevin, the most sleek man in Richmond. The bartender set another hot buttered rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ruined front door swung open. A woman wearing a belt and a set of camo fatigues crawled woefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer breezed to the bar and sat down beside Kevin.
Kevin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sleepily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bud?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pelicans start to go limp," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a key ring.
"What did you say, sunshine? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, creep. My name ain't your concern, so look dumb."
Kevin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he blathered. "This here old bean of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered excitedly, their appendixes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shuddered, ignoring Kevin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my turtle dove a beer," Kevin repeated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of watching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the beer in front of the woman. The stranger charmingly picked up the drink.
Viciously, Kevin grabbed the stranger by her midriff, trying to kiss her passionately on her jaw. The stranger hopped up, seized Kevin by the midriff, and with a desperate wag of the finger, dragged him to a nearby ping-pong table and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger retorted urgently. "The name's Jodene, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kevin sputtered lovingly until Jodene let go and bravely turned away with a megalomaniacal twitch. Suddenly, Kevin reached into his poncho and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, toodleums. I got something for you, doll."
Jodene turned smoothly, drew her musket, and faced Kevin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sweet? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other craftily for what seemed like a second. Finally, Kevin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kevin wailed gently. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jodene took his hand with an absent-minded sneeze. "You know, little blossom, you're kinda gentle when you're angry."
Kevin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another beer," he squawked.