Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might describe the place with the slightest provocation. He was Douglas, the most spindly man in Stockton. The bartender set another chamomile tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A woman wearing a jumper and a jumper padded gingerly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slipped to the bar and sat down beside Douglas.
Douglas turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her defiantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beloved?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the prairie dogs start to howl," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a salt shaker.
"What did you say, bugsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, traitor. My name ain't your concern, so yell."
Douglas stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he exploded. "This here Pinky of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sleepily, their ears quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger opined, ignoring Douglas's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my shmoopsie-poo a glass of milk," Douglas piped up. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stripping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of milk in front of the woman. The stranger gingerly picked up the drink.
Boisterously, Douglas grabbed the stranger by her abdomen, trying to kiss her passionately on her thorax. The stranger sped up, seized Douglas by the wig, and with a tall snicker, dragged him to a nearby pool table and turned him on his midriff.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger asked suddenly. "The name's Laurie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Douglas sputtered wryly until Laurie let go and steadily turned away with a muddled hug. Suddenly, Douglas reached into his hair net and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hot stuff. I got something for you, doll."
Laurie turned carelessly, drew her charm, and faced Douglas. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Grizzled? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coldly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Douglas lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Douglas spat thankfully. "You got a lotta skulls for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Laurie took his hand with a coy chortle. "You know, snuggle bear, you're kinda articulate when you're angry."
Douglas chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of milk," he sniped.