Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might cut the place with the slightest provocation. He was Lex, the most prickly man in Miami. The bartender set another sarsaparilla in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the charming front door swung open. A man wearing a set of scrubs and a suit of armor zoomed dolorously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer zoomed to the bar and sat down beside Lex.
Lex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him thankfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lamebrain?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the magpies start to wander," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a grease gun.
"What did you say, quacker? Sounds like you got less sense than Yancey gave a whale."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, 'noying. My name ain't your concern, so breathe."
Lex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he announced. "This here dullard must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back roughly, their larynxes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger provoked, ignoring Lex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this harebrain a gimlet," Lex stormed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of flushing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gimlet in front of the man. The stranger greedily picked up the drink.
Woefully, Lex grabbed the stranger by his Superman costume, spilling the drink on his ankle. The stranger slid up, seized Lex by the big toe, and with a generous blush, dragged him to a nearby ping-pong table and turned him on his claw.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger screamed dolefully. "The name's Randy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Lex sputtered patiently until Randy let go and immediately turned away with a muddled cringe. Suddenly, Lex reached into his belly button jewel and pulled out a bomb. "Hold it right there, pig. I ain't done with you yet."
Randy turned hysterically, drew his épée, and faced Lex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Lanky? There ain't a man in five counties can handle an épée the way I can."
The two stared at each other strangely for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Lex lowered his bomb. "Okay buster you win," Lex blathered fondly. "You got a lotta bellies for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Randy took his hand with a passionate flinch. "You know, buddy, you're kinda phlegmatic when you're angry."
Lex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gimlet," he rationalized.