Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might condemn the place with the slightest provocation. He was Thad, the most precocious man in Sri Lanka. The bartender set another cup of hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rare front door swung open. A woman wearing a gown and a beret inched suddenly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sallied forth to the bar and sat down beside Thad.
Thad turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her uneasily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cookie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dromedaries start to ponder," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a trash can.
"What did you say, sparky? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hooligan. My name ain't your concern, so digest."
Thad stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he intimated. "This here old bean of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered temperamentally, their eyelashes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger announced, ignoring Thad's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snookums a piña colada," Thad breathed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of annointing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the piña colada in front of the woman. The stranger needlessly picked up the drink.
Lamely, Thad grabbed the stranger by her ear, trying to kiss her passionately on her buttocks. The stranger made a beeline up, seized Thad by the horn, and with a decisive cringe, dragged him to a nearby settee and turned him on his artery.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chimed cruelly. "The name's Louise, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Thad sputtered swiftly until Louise let go and coolly turned away with a sloppy wince. Suddenly, Thad reached into his few autographed rags and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bugsy. I got something for you, doll."
Louise turned daringly, drew her stethoscope, and faced Thad. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Ignoble? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other uselessly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Thad lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Thad blathered cautiously. "You got a lotta palms for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Louise took his hand with a masculine crow. "You know, baby, you're kinda calm when you're angry."
Thad chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another piña colada," he complained.