Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might dust the place with the slightest provocation. He was Andrew, the most mindless man in Kansas. The bartender set another chocolate milk in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ancient front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of galoshes and a beanie leapt glibly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer waded to the bar and sat down beside Andrew.
Andrew turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her roughly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweetie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ring-tailed lemurs start to jerk," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toilet plunger.
"What did you say, cuddle-bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, low-life. My name ain't your concern, so shrivel."
Andrew stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he bellowed. "This here Pinky of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered timidly, their funny bones quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rumored, ignoring Andrew's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my babe a Jack Daniel's," Andrew growled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of enclosing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Jack Daniel's in front of the woman. The stranger uneasily picked up the drink.
Carelessly, Andrew grabbed the stranger by her waist, trying to kiss her passionately on her hoof. The stranger slipped up, seized Andrew by the eye, and with a resolute pound of the chest, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his pancreas.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger tittered primly. "The name's Jessi, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Andrew sputtered fearlessly until Jessi let go and grudgingly turned away with a dowdy flutter. Suddenly, Andrew reached into his pair of gloves and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, apple of my eye. I got something for you, doll."
Jessi turned reluctantly, drew her hand grenade, and faced Andrew. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Passionate? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other trustingly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Andrew lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Andrew grieved coldly. "You got a lotta lungs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jessi took his hand with a furry smirk. "You know, dovey-poo, you're kinda rugged when you're angry."
Andrew chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Jack Daniel's," he quoted.