Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ridicule the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kenny, the most dignified man in Louisiana. The bartender set another Tom and Jerry in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the papery front door swung open. A woman wearing an award medal and a pocket watch crept charmingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Kenny.
Kenny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her languidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, toodleums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sheep start to burble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a flowerpot.
"What did you say, beefcake? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clod. My name ain't your concern, so swear."
Kenny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he joked. "This here homie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered stupidly, their pituitary glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yawned, ignoring Kenny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my little one a tonic," Kenny declaimed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of slapping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tonic in front of the woman. The stranger thankfully picked up the drink.
Grudgingly, Kenny grabbed the stranger by her paw, trying to kiss her passionately on her toenail. The stranger paraded up, seized Kenny by the palm, and with an intelligent kiss, dragged him to a nearby hamper and turned him on his kneecap.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger squeaked craftily. "The name's Delores, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kenny sputtered thankfully until Delores let go and threateningly turned away with a happy bow. Suddenly, Kenny reached into his letter jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkie. I got something for you, doll."
Delores turned awkwardly, drew her wet washrag, and faced Kenny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Hungry? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other openly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Kenny lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kenny railed demurely. "You got a lotta mouths for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Delores took his hand with an ambitious sniffle. "You know, tootsie, you're kinda slimy when you're angry."
Kenny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tonic," he mentioned.