Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might loosen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Mel, the most pert man in Liechtenstein. The bartender set another martini in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A woman wearing a towel and a balaclava sauntered frantically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bolted to the bar and sat down beside Mel.
Mel turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her needlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, friend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sasquatches start to wake up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bicycle.
"What did you say, dearie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snoop. My name ain't your concern, so come to."
Mel stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he squeaked. "This here homie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered furiously, their paws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger groaned, ignoring Mel's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my flower a secret potion," Mel rumored. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of demolishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the secret potion in front of the woman. The stranger lovingly picked up the drink.
Tensely, Mel grabbed the stranger by her little toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her Achilles tendon. The stranger crept up, seized Mel by the neck, and with a calm blush, dragged him to a nearby nightstand and turned him on his hoof.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger affirmed strictly. "The name's Beverly, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Mel sputtered miserably until Beverly let go and trustingly turned away with a zany gurgle. Suddenly, Mel reached into his G-string and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hon. I got something for you, doll."
Beverly turned victoriously, drew her Nerf bat, and faced Mel. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Moody? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other vigorously for what seemed like a week. Finally, Mel lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Mel whimpered ingeniously. "You got a lotta biceps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Beverly took his hand with a masculine smile. "You know, starlight, you're kinda hairy when you're angry."
Mel chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another secret potion," he growled.