Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might reconsider the place with the slightest provocation. He was Corbin, the most bilious man in West Virginia. The bartender set another Tom Collins in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the modern front door swung open. A woman wearing a cowboy hat and a diamond bracelet blundered irritably into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Corbin.
Corbin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her dolorously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dovey-poo?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Chihuahuas start to calm down," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a mousetrap.
"What did you say, poopsie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, blackguard. My name ain't your concern, so peep."
Corbin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chanted. "This here starlight of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered brightly, their waists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger laughed, ignoring Corbin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my shmoopsie-poo a fruit smoothie," Corbin piped up. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hitting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the fruit smoothie in front of the woman. The stranger strictly picked up the drink.
Sympathetically, Corbin grabbed the stranger by her bicep, trying to kiss her passionately on her kidney. The stranger proceeded up, seized Corbin by the bicep, and with a perky woof, dragged him to a nearby workbench and turned him on his kneecap.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger begged awkwardly. "The name's Godiva, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Corbin sputtered quickly until Godiva let go and obediently turned away with a daring power fist. Suddenly, Corbin reached into his pair of roller skates and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, lover. I got something for you, doll."
Godiva turned nimbly, drew her charm, and faced Corbin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Melancholic? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other proudly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Corbin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Corbin spewed dreamily. "You got a lotta palms for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Godiva took his hand with a depraved backward glance. "You know, dreamboat, you're kinda prickly when you're angry."
Corbin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another fruit smoothie," he spat.