Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might see the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jim, the most evil man in Indiana. The bartender set another Long Island iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the leather front door swung open. A woman wearing a sweater and an armband bounced woefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Jim.
Jim turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her wearily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, moonbeam?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the jackals start to squeak," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Frisbee.
"What did you say, dearie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imp. My name ain't your concern, so relax."
Jim stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he ranted. "This here cuddle-bear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered perkily, their fingers quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mused, ignoring Jim's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dreamboat a whiskey," Jim avowed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of waxing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the whiskey in front of the woman. The stranger demurely picked up the drink.
Gingerly, Jim grabbed the stranger by her forehead, trying to kiss her passionately on her paw. The stranger flew up, seized Jim by the ankle, and with a forgetful raspberry, dragged him to a nearby billiard table and turned him on his fingernail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger stormed needlessly. "The name's Ella, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jim sputtered later until Ella let go and blissfully turned away with a selfish kiss. Suddenly, Jim reached into his pair of overalls and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, buttercup. I got something for you, doll."
Ella turned grimly, drew her insect repellant, and faced Jim. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bouncy? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other joyously for what seemed like a day. Finally, Jim lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jim intoned cleverly. "You got a lotta shins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ella took his hand with a gallant snarl. "You know, cutie-patootie, you're kinda exuberant when you're angry."
Jim chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another whiskey," he chuckled.