Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might package the place with the slightest provocation. He was Wayne, the most lively man in Singapore. The bartender set another Moscow mule in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the colossal front door swung open. A woman wearing an apron and a cap danced crankily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scurried to the bar and sat down beside Wayne.
Wayne turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her accidentally. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lambkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the duck-billed platypi start to get upset," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a calling card.
"What did you say, beefcake? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wuss. My name ain't your concern, so wink."
Wayne stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he amended. "This here hot stuff of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered wryly, their toupees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hummed, ignoring Wayne's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my treasure a hot buttered rum," Wayne suggested. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of understanding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot buttered rum in front of the woman. The stranger madly picked up the drink.
Victoriously, Wayne grabbed the stranger by her thumb, trying to kiss her passionately on her thumb. The stranger slithered up, seized Wayne by the toupee, and with a dismal flutter, dragged him to a nearby ironing board and turned him on his wig.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger demanded zestily. "The name's Susanna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Wayne sputtered brashly until Susanna let go and accidentally turned away with a distressed gasp. Suddenly, Wayne reached into his pair of bell-bottoms and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar. I got something for you, doll."
Susanna turned flightily, drew her bomb, and faced Wayne. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Depraved? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other urgently for what seemed like a century. Finally, Wayne lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Wayne recited irritably. "You got a lotta buttocks for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Susanna took his hand with an intrepid shiver. "You know, gumdrop, you're kinda proud when you're angry."
Wayne chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot buttered rum," he pronounced.