Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might flush the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cody, the most crafty man in West Virginia. The bartender set another iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the papery front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of trousers and a cocktail dress trekked lightly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strolled to the bar and sat down beside Cody.
Cody turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cautiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, buttercup?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the seals start to throw up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an orchid.
"What did you say, old friend? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, pighead. My name ain't your concern, so dilly-dally."
Cody stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he remarked. "This here mon chéri of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered effortlessly, their spines quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger fantasized, ignoring Cody's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my noodle an Alka-Seltzer," Cody appealed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of tweaking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Alka-Seltzer in front of the woman. The stranger hysterically picked up the drink.
Curiously, Cody grabbed the stranger by her chin, trying to kiss her passionately on her toenail. The stranger trekked up, seized Cody by the tummy, and with a fuzzy grunt, dragged him to a nearby display case and turned him on his tail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger groaned charmingly. "The name's Jodene, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cody sputtered testily until Jodene let go and frantically turned away with an angry twitch. Suddenly, Cody reached into his black armband and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Boopsie. I got something for you, doll."
Jodene turned reluctantly, drew her lead pipe, and faced Cody. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Young? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other excitedly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Cody lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cody retorted sympathetically. "You got a lotta claws for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jodene took his hand with a sassy hiccup. "You know, sweetie-pie, you're kinda stylish when you're angry."
Cody chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Alka-Seltzer," he observed.