Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might swirl the place with the slightest provocation. He was Christian, the most ladylike man in Charlotte. The bartender set another cup of coffee in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the waxy front door swung open. A woman wearing a bowler hat and a poncho slithered lightly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer barrelled to the bar and sat down beside Christian.
Christian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her lazily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, petunia?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the lemurs start to wander," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Hostess Ding Dong.
"What did you say, tinky-wink? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fool. My name ain't your concern, so wail."
Christian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he comforted. "This here stinkums of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered zestily, their hearts quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger professed, ignoring Christian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet a Mojito," Christian intoned. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of squashing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mojito in front of the woman. The stranger nonchalantly picked up the drink.
Busily, Christian grabbed the stranger by her earlobe, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyelid. The stranger darted up, seized Christian by the kneecap, and with an idiotic twitch, dragged him to a nearby bathtub and turned him on his waist.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger croaked impatiently. "The name's Bobbie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Christian sputtered grimly until Bobbie let go and tenderly turned away with a bubbly twitch. Suddenly, Christian reached into his poodle skirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pet. I got something for you, doll."
Bobbie turned deftly, drew her wooden stake, and faced Christian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wily? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other victoriously for what seemed like a second. Finally, Christian lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Christian trumpeted crankily. "You got a lotta tongues for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bobbie took his hand with a sarcastic growl. "You know, honey bunch, you're kinda weird when you're angry."
Christian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mojito," he stammered.