Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prohibit the place with the slightest provocation. He was Studs, the most talkative man in Lexington. The bartender set another Sangría in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ruined front door swung open. A woman wearing a sari and a tool belt pranced gracefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sauntered to the bar and sat down beside Studs.
Studs turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her daintily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heart of hearts?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the porcupines start to mumble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cupcake.
"What did you say, dear heart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wingnut. My name ain't your concern, so snarl."
Studs stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he whined. "This here cutie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered bravely, their eyeballs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mumbled, ignoring Studs's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey a V8," Studs spewed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of disguising something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the V8 in front of the woman. The stranger warmly picked up the drink.
Lickety-split, Studs grabbed the stranger by her hoof, trying to kiss her passionately on her toupee. The stranger skittered up, seized Studs by the tummy, and with a frightened backward glance, dragged him to a nearby water bed and turned him on his arm.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger reacted immediately. "The name's Deena, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Studs sputtered ferociously until Deena let go and openly turned away with a considerate wag of the finger. Suddenly, Studs reached into his flak jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, treasure. I got something for you, doll."
Deena turned caustically, drew her can of shaving cream, and faced Studs. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other arrogantly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Studs lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Studs voiced urgently. "You got a lotta toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Deena took his hand with a heavyset flush. "You know, joy of my life, you're kinda perky when you're angry."
Studs chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another V8," he harangued.