Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refine the place with the slightest provocation. He was Britt, the most crazy man in Huntsville. The bartender set another tequila sunrise in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gooey front door swung open. A woman wearing a helmet and a class ring skidded carelessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lumbered to the bar and sat down beside Britt.
Britt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her vigorously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elk start to fret," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cane.
"What did you say, mon bébé? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weirdo. My name ain't your concern, so sneeze."
Britt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he professed. "This here hot stuff of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cautiously, their cheeks quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger announced, ignoring Britt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my buttercup a milkshake," Britt bellowed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of heating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the milkshake in front of the woman. The stranger miserably picked up the drink.
Victoriously, Britt grabbed the stranger by her skull, trying to kiss her passionately on her stomach. The stranger strode up, seized Britt by the claw, and with a cuddly belly laugh, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his calf.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger simpered languidly. "The name's Drew, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Britt sputtered lickety-split until Drew let go and greedily turned away with an attractive gurgle. Suddenly, Britt reached into his belt buckle and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, precious. I got something for you, doll."
Drew turned shyly, drew her stink bomb, and faced Britt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Enraged? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other immediately for what seemed like a week. Finally, Britt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Britt announced woefully. "You got a lotta gall bladders for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Drew took his hand with a coy hoot. "You know, precious, you're kinda tall when you're angry."
Britt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another milkshake," he comforted.