Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rock the place with the slightest provocation. He was Manny, the most tense man in Germany. The bartender set another cosmopolitan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the small front door swung open. A woman wearing a helmet and a cummerbund strolled craftily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hopped to the bar and sat down beside Manny.
Manny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cruelly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the manatees start to blank out," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a sack.
"What did you say, angel? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fruitcake. My name ain't your concern, so cough."
Manny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he explained. "This here main squeeze of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sternly, their paws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger moaned, ignoring Manny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my apple of my eye a Tom Collins," Manny observed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of recommending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Tom Collins in front of the woman. The stranger blindly picked up the drink.
Bitterly, Manny grabbed the stranger by her chest, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyebrow. The stranger cantered up, seized Manny by the liver, and with a friendly raspberry, dragged him to a nearby TV and turned him on his ear.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger scoffed courageously. "The name's Marla, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Manny sputtered effortlessly until Marla let go and anxiously turned away with a maniacal hug. Suddenly, Manny reached into his mask and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bud. I got something for you, doll."
Marla turned shyly, drew her Bowie knife, and faced Manny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Carefree? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other solemnly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Manny lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Manny roared sheepishly. "You got a lotta little toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marla took his hand with an affable raspberry. "You know, buttercup, you're kinda vacuous when you're angry."
Manny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Tom Collins," he professed.