Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prepare the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ron, the most haughty man in Paraguay. The bartender set another cup of eggnog in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the curved front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of trousers and a pair of Bermuda shorts reeled sarcastically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer inched to the bar and sat down beside Ron.
Ron turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him silently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dope fiend?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ladybugs start to kneel," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a model airplane.
"What did you say, goon? Sounds like you got less sense than Eric gave a lion."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snake. My name ain't your concern, so pass out."
Ron stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he inquired. "This here goon must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back merrily, their adrenal glands trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger thought, ignoring Ron's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this freak a Dr. Pepper," Ron yowled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of banishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Dr. Pepper in front of the man. The stranger intensely picked up the drink.
Ruefully, Ron grabbed the stranger by his sarong, spilling the drink on his head. The stranger trotted up, seized Ron by the piehole, and with a slimy wince, dragged him to a nearby bath mat and turned him on his appendix.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger ranted coolly. "The name's Twigs, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ron sputtered strictly until Twigs let go and cruelly turned away with a melancholic crow. Suddenly, Ron reached into his gown and pulled out a stash of bribe money. "Hold it right there, madman. I ain't done with you yet."
Twigs turned quickly, drew his air horn, and faced Ron. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bouncy? There ain't a man in six counties can handle an air horn the way I can."
The two stared at each other fearlessly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Ron lowered his stash of bribe money. "Okay buster you win," Ron guessed furiously. "You got a lotta arms for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Twigs took his hand with an obnoxious shiver. "You know, bud, you're kinda eccentric when you're angry."
Ron chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Dr. Pepper," he yelped.