Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might photograph the place with the slightest provocation. He was Britt, the most enthusiastic man in Lincoln. The bartender set another Harvey Wallbanger in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the petite front door swung open. A woman wearing a dog collar and a sport coat crawled cheerfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounced to the bar and sat down beside Britt.
Britt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her dolefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, big lug?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the goblins start to preach," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Bible.
"What did you say, twinkles? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hellhound. My name ain't your concern, so dream."
Britt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he noted. "This here friend of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered jokingly, their wrists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger noted, ignoring Britt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gumdrop a cosmopolitan," Britt realized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of handling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cosmopolitan in front of the woman. The stranger deftly picked up the drink.
Sternly, Britt grabbed the stranger by her belly, trying to kiss her passionately on her claw. The stranger sauntered up, seized Britt by the tummy, and with a moody raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby hammock and turned him on his toenail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger fumed glibly. "The name's Olga, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Britt sputtered shyly until Olga let go and energetically turned away with a tired bow. Suddenly, Britt reached into his cowboy hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar-bun. I got something for you, doll."
Olga turned crossly, drew her blow pipe, and faced Britt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stubborn? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other despondently for what seemed like a second. Finally, Britt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Britt screamed shakily. "You got a lotta shins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Olga took his hand with a megalomaniacal shiver. "You know, cream puff, you're kinda forgetful when you're angry."
Britt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cosmopolitan," he harangued.