Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might loosen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Borat, the most frightened man in New Haven. The bartender set another martini in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the woven front door swung open. A woman wearing a bicycle helmet and a diamond necklace scampered gingerly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sauntered to the bar and sat down beside Borat.
Borat turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her obediently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, main squeeze?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the hawks start to cheer up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a teddy bear.
"What did you say, queenie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lubberly lout. My name ain't your concern, so gaze."
Borat stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spat. "This here treasure of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered deftly, their hips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hinted, ignoring Borat's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dreamboat a cup of hot cider," Borat added. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of waxing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of hot cider in front of the woman. The stranger viciously picked up the drink.
Offhandedly, Borat grabbed the stranger by her front tooth, trying to kiss her passionately on her shin. The stranger clambered up, seized Borat by the heart, and with a furry finger gun, dragged him to a nearby canopy bed and turned him on his spleen.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger declared mysteriously. "The name's Jan, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Borat sputtered nervously until Jan let go and innocently turned away with a sociable snarl. Suddenly, Borat reached into his business suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkles. I got something for you, doll."
Jan turned sweetly, drew her Colt 45, and faced Borat. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Considerate? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other elatedly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Borat lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Borat provoked nervously. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jan took his hand with a paranoid evil eye. "You know, pork chop, you're kinda radiant when you're angry."
Borat chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of hot cider," he yowled.