Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might banish the place with the slightest provocation. He was René, the most bouncy man in Philadelphia. The bartender set another iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stuffed front door swung open. A woman wearing a uniform and a blazer strolled oddly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swaggered to the bar and sat down beside René.
René turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sternly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the fish start to meow," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fishing pole.
"What did you say, honey-babe? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, degenerate. My name ain't your concern, so laugh."
René stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he growled. "This here queenie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered viciously, their spleens quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger suggested, ignoring René's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my punkin a glass of water," René pleaded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of checking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of water in front of the woman. The stranger needlessly picked up the drink.
Threateningly, René grabbed the stranger by her knuckle, trying to kiss her passionately on her pancreas. The stranger hopped up, seized René by the chest, and with an insane snicker, dragged him to a nearby filing cabinet and turned him on his calf.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger gabbed daintily. "The name's Sandra, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
René sputtered busily until Sandra let go and craftily turned away with a drowsy sniffle. Suddenly, René reached into his balaclava and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, joy of my life. I got something for you, doll."
Sandra turned perkily, drew her scimitar, and faced René. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Annoying? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other fearfully for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, René lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," René screamed viciously. "You got a lotta chests for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Sandra took his hand with a decent woof. "You know, teddy bear, you're kinda excitable when you're angry."
René chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of water," he cajoled.