Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might catch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dan, the most brazen man in Suriname. The bartender set another Scotch and soda in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the nice front door swung open. A woman wearing a flour sack and a gladiator helmet rushed oddly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer careened to the bar and sat down beside Dan.
Dan turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sweetly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snigglefritz?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dodo birds start to pause," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pillow.
"What did you say, gumdrop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ignoramous. My name ain't your concern, so get sleepy."
Dan stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he whimpered. "This here heartthrob of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered calmly, their wigs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whimpered, ignoring Dan's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my turtle dove a margarita," Dan spoke up. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of grasping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the margarita in front of the woman. The stranger boldly picked up the drink.
Blindly, Dan grabbed the stranger by her larynx, trying to kiss her passionately on her ear. The stranger ran up, seized Dan by the toupee, and with a sinister grunt, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his dignity.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger noted solemnly. "The name's Roxanne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dan sputtered arrogantly until Roxanne let go and cunningly turned away with a disagreeable snort. Suddenly, Dan reached into his headscarf and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie. I got something for you, doll."
Roxanne turned miserably, drew her slingshot, and faced Dan. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dowdy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gleefully for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Dan lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dan interpreted violently. "You got a lotta eyelashes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Roxanne took his hand with a moronic simper. "You know, tootsie, you're kinda disorganized when you're angry."
Dan chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another margarita," he proposed.