Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might swipe the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kyle, the most mean man in Germany. The bartender set another cup of coffee in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rare front door swung open. A woman wearing a sarong and a polo shirt crept hopelessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer darted to the bar and sat down beside Kyle.
Kyle turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her carefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, poopsy-woopsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the geckos start to relax," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a peace pipe.
"What did you say, sweetheart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, crazy person. My name ain't your concern, so squeak."
Kyle stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he mumbled. "This here Banana Cakes of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sympathetically, their mouths quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger agreed, ignoring Kyle's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pet a double latte," Kyle spoke up. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of striking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the double latte in front of the woman. The stranger defiantly picked up the drink.
Furiously, Kyle grabbed the stranger by her hip, trying to kiss her passionately on her leg. The stranger swung up, seized Kyle by the forehead, and with a furious sigh, dragged him to a nearby chair and turned him on his thumb.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger voiced crankily. "The name's Merna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kyle sputtered madly until Merna let go and coolly turned away with a brash shout. Suddenly, Kyle reached into his bulletproof vest and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, darling. I got something for you, doll."
Merna turned greedily, drew her lariat, and faced Kyle. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Slimy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lovingly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Kyle lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kyle quavered vigorously. "You got a lotta kneecaps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Merna took his hand with a presumptuous blush. "You know, honey pie, you're kinda frantic when you're angry."
Kyle chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another double latte," he sobbed.