Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might package the place with the slightest provocation. He was Martin, the most mean man in Belarus. The bartender set another cup of tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the loose front door swung open. A woman wearing a fedora and a surgical mask sprinted proudly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scurried to the bar and sat down beside Martin.
Martin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her roughly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pumpkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dormice start to dance," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a mushroom.
"What did you say, pet? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slacker. My name ain't your concern, so dream."
Martin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he scoffed. "This here gentle soul of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sleepily, their toes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hinted, ignoring Martin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-cakes a Mai Tai," Martin drawled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of squashing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the woman. The stranger repeatedly picked up the drink.
Lazily, Martin grabbed the stranger by her cheek, trying to kiss her passionately on her hoof. The stranger stormed up, seized Martin by the shoulder, and with a portly cackle, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his jaw.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger groveled impatiently. "The name's Liz, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Martin sputtered ingeniously until Liz let go and courageously turned away with an insane blush. Suddenly, Martin reached into his space suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, poopsy-woopsy. I got something for you, doll."
Liz turned speedily, drew her pop gun, and faced Martin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sloppy? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other pityingly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Martin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Martin pronounced furiously. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Liz took his hand with a perky growl. "You know, darling, you're kinda humble when you're angry."
Martin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he offered.