Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might replace the place with the slightest provocation. He was Marv, the most hungry man in Australia. The bartender set another Mountain Dew in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of ear muffs and a cocktail dress hobbled charmingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tumbled to the bar and sat down beside Marv.
Marv turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him fervently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, kook?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bats start to back up," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an amulet.
"What did you say, drip? Sounds like you got less sense than Horatio gave a eel."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ding dong. My name ain't your concern, so back down."
Marv stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chuckled. "This here oddball must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back diligently, their knuckles trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rationalized, ignoring Marv's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this oddball a glass of Kool-Aid," Marv panted. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of whacking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of Kool-Aid in front of the man. The stranger truculently picked up the drink.
Roughly, Marv grabbed the stranger by his bicycle helmet, spilling the drink on his brain. The stranger marched up, seized Marv by the brain, and with a yappy sneer, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his calf.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger recited warmly. "The name's Oliver, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Marv sputtered viciously until Oliver let go and silently turned away with a dumb yawn. Suddenly, Marv reached into his pair of glasses and pulled out a bucket of water. "Hold it right there, witch. I ain't done with you yet."
Oliver turned irritably, drew his mosquito net, and faced Marv. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Direct? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a mosquito net the way I can."
The two stared at each other diligently for what seemed like a week. Finally, Marv lowered his bucket of water. "Okay buster you win," Marv reacted grudgingly. "You got a lotta brains for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Oliver took his hand with a depraved sneer. "You know, poopsy-woopsy, you're kinda presumptuous when you're angry."
Marv chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of Kool-Aid," he scoffed.