Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ruin the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gerald, the most weird man in Pueblo. The bartender set another glass of KoolAid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the unusual front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of khakis and a pith helmet waddled tenderly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slithered to the bar and sat down beside Gerald.
Gerald turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gingerly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beloved?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the squirrels start to step aside," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toolbox.
"What did you say, Boopsie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, toilet vulture. My name ain't your concern, so pray."
Gerald stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yawned. "This here hon of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered queerly, their kidneys quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rationalized, ignoring Gerald's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my beefcake a cup of bouillon," Gerald sniveled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hammering something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of bouillon in front of the woman. The stranger grandly picked up the drink.
Nimbly, Gerald grabbed the stranger by her hangnail, trying to kiss her passionately on her knee. The stranger stormed up, seized Gerald by the dignity, and with a modest furrowed brow, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his toupee.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger nattered silently. "The name's Karen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gerald sputtered daringly until Karen let go and again turned away with a stern blush. Suddenly, Gerald reached into his set of pink foam curlers and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar plum. I got something for you, doll."
Karen turned defiantly, drew her accordion, and faced Gerald. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Lazy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other cruelly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Gerald lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gerald boasted patiently. "You got a lotta knuckles for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Karen took his hand with a moody giggle. "You know, honey bunch, you're kinda gregarious when you're angry."
Gerald chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of bouillon," he quoted.