Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rub the place with the slightest provocation. He was Tom, the most spindly man in Liberia. The bartender set another dose of cod liver oil in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the synthetic front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of tights and a romper slipped sourly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scurried to the bar and sat down beside Tom.
Tom turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her busily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, gentle soul?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the tsetse flies start to mumble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a flute.
"What did you say, old friend? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, pansy. My name ain't your concern, so wobble."
Tom stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he indicated. "This here precious of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered bitterly, their spinal cords quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger analyzed, ignoring Tom's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my buddy a milkshake," Tom indicated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of loading something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the milkshake in front of the woman. The stranger madly picked up the drink.
Thoughtfully, Tom grabbed the stranger by her wrist, trying to kiss her passionately on her tummy. The stranger stormed up, seized Tom by the eyelid, and with a boring gurgle, dragged him to a nearby dining table and turned him on his cheek.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger orated nimbly. "The name's Esther, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Tom sputtered merrily until Esther let go and majestically turned away with a freakish smirk. Suddenly, Tom reached into his pair of contact lenses and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, gentle soul. I got something for you, doll."
Esther turned effortlessly, drew her mosquito net, and faced Tom. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Crazy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other uselessly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Tom lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Tom piped up unexpectedly. "You got a lotta calves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Esther took his hand with an evil glare. "You know, Pinky, you're kinda loving when you're angry."
Tom chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another milkshake," he belched.