Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might drag the place with the slightest provocation. He was Mel, the most shifty man in Namibia. The bartender set another Dr. Pepper in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the weird front door swung open. A woman wearing a cummerbund and a tank top strolled boisterously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lumbered to the bar and sat down beside Mel.
Mel turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her immediately. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, mopsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the ghosts start to do nothing," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toothbrush.
"What did you say, dreamboat? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scurvy bilge rat. My name ain't your concern, so holler."
Mel stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he interrupted. "This here buddy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered innocently, their biceps quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger said, ignoring Mel's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my poopsie a painkiller," Mel hissed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stabbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the painkiller in front of the woman. The stranger craftily picked up the drink.
Obediently, Mel grabbed the stranger by her nostril, trying to kiss her passionately on her mouth. The stranger trekked up, seized Mel by the Adam's apple, and with a bubbly wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby toilet and turned him on his aorta.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quavered sternly. "The name's Judy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Mel sputtered offhandedly until Judy let go and speedily turned away with an enraged glare. Suddenly, Mel reached into his pair of cowboy boots and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Judy turned oddly, drew her iPod, and faced Mel. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Obese? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other boisterously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Mel lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Mel rebutted speedily. "You got a lotta hairdos for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Judy took his hand with a dumb titter. "You know, friend, you're kinda intrepid when you're angry."
Mel chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another painkiller," he inquired.