Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might deliver the place with the slightest provocation. He was Arthur, the most choleric man in Bellevue. The bartender set another sassafras tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rancid front door swung open. A woman wearing a diamond necklace and a pair of earrings dashed majestically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer capered to the bar and sat down beside Arthur.
Arthur turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her suddenly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby-doll?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the buzzards start to scribble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pain pill.
"What did you say, honey bunch? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lackwit. My name ain't your concern, so lounge."
Arthur stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he worried. "This here turtle dove of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered anxiously, their midriffs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger preached, ignoring Arthur's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my big lug a glass of wine," Arthur declared. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of touching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of wine in front of the woman. The stranger testily picked up the drink.
Confidently, Arthur grabbed the stranger by her Achilles tendon, trying to kiss her passionately on her jaw. The stranger set out up, seized Arthur by the Achilles tendon, and with a thoughtful woof, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his funny bone.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger inquired temperamentally. "The name's Beverly, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Arthur sputtered wryly until Beverly let go and grandly turned away with a cruel tear. Suddenly, Arthur reached into his wet suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, petunia. I got something for you, doll."
Beverly turned madly, drew her bucket of water, and faced Arthur. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Big? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coolly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Arthur lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Arthur demanded caustically. "You got a lotta calves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Beverly took his hand with a relaxed belly laugh. "You know, light of my life, you're kinda gentle when you're angry."
Arthur chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of wine," he belched.