Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might review the place with the slightest provocation. He was Scotty, the most charming man in Cyprus. The bartender set another root beer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the original front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of moccasins and a pair of Crocs stalked victoriously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer whirled to the bar and sat down beside Scotty.
Scotty turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cautiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, swizzle?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the poodles start to belch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cactus plant.
"What did you say, baby-doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dipstick. My name ain't your concern, so cringe."
Scotty stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he articulated. "This here queenie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered joyously, their belly buttons quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger bragged, ignoring Scotty's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my starlight a Mojito," Scotty called. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of balancing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mojito in front of the woman. The stranger dreamily picked up the drink.
Humbly, Scotty grabbed the stranger by her Adam's apple, trying to kiss her passionately on her lung. The stranger crawled up, seized Scotty by the paw, and with a young wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby dining table and turned him on his eyeball.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger scoffed cautiously. "The name's Brandie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Scotty sputtered strictly until Brandie let go and sharply turned away with an undignified blush. Suddenly, Scotty reached into his ponytail and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, starlight. I got something for you, doll."
Brandie turned swiftly, drew her bazooka, and faced Scotty. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Timid? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gratefully for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Scotty lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Scotty affirmed offhandedly. "You got a lotta jaws for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Brandie took his hand with a dignified shout. "You know, cookie, you're kinda young when you're angry."
Scotty chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mojito," he warbled.