Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might neglect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dax, the most daring man in Cape Verde. The bartender set another Bud Lite in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the large front door swung open. A woman wearing an earring and a big grin trekked vacantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flounced to the bar and sat down beside Dax.
Dax turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her happily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snigglefritz?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the eels start to gesticulate," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of binoculars.
"What did you say, buddy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sloth. My name ain't your concern, so spit."
Dax stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he opined. "This here light of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered unexpectedly, their kidneys quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger inquired, ignoring Dax's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my buttercup a cup of eggnog," Dax instructed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of studying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of eggnog in front of the woman. The stranger fearlessly picked up the drink.
Sheepishly, Dax grabbed the stranger by her nose, trying to kiss her passionately on her scalp. The stranger skipped up, seized Dax by the stomach, and with a frumpy cheer, dragged him to a nearby hope chest and turned him on his spinal cord.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger crooned nervously. "The name's Tawny, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dax sputtered wildly until Tawny let go and boldly turned away with a somber fist bump. Suddenly, Dax reached into his coonskin hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cookie. I got something for you, doll."
Tawny turned primly, drew her peacemaker, and faced Dax. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Obese? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other nonchalantly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Dax lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dax whimpered peevishly. "You got a lotta ribs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tawny took his hand with an idiotic stiff upper lip. "You know, twinkles, you're kinda cheerful when you're angry."
Dax chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of eggnog," he groaned.