Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might squash the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eduardo, the most jaunty man in Angola. The bartender set another shot of whiskey in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the thick front door swung open. A woman wearing a polo shirt and a bustier stormed courageously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer zoomed to the bar and sat down beside Eduardo.
Eduardo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her mysteriously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, old bean?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the kittens start to squeak," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an Egyptian mummy.
"What did you say, main squeeze? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, screwball. My name ain't your concern, so curtsey."
Eduardo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniveled. "This here lambkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered courageously, their hair quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger warbled, ignoring Eduardo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my punkin a Mojito," Eduardo remarked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of losing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mojito in front of the woman. The stranger demurely picked up the drink.
Happily, Eduardo grabbed the stranger by her larynx, trying to kiss her passionately on her hairdo. The stranger trotted up, seized Eduardo by the forehead, and with a drowsy furrowed brow, dragged him to a nearby cushion and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger winked gratefully. "The name's Camella, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eduardo sputtered charmingly until Camella let go and deftly turned away with a hysterical sniff. Suddenly, Eduardo reached into his pair of ear muffs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, angel-face. I got something for you, doll."
Camella turned sorrowfully, drew her pom-pom, and faced Eduardo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Diabolical? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other charmingly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Eduardo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Eduardo rebutted frenetically. "You got a lotta front teeth for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Camella took his hand with a modest pucker. "You know, pet, you're kinda enchanting when you're angry."
Eduardo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mojito," he exclaimed.