Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might flush the place with the slightest provocation. He was Alex, the most earnest man in Arkansas. The bartender set another glass of lemonade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the excellent front door swung open. A woman wearing a negligee and a party hat proceeded hastily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sallied forth to the bar and sat down beside Alex.
Alex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her blindly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, precious?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the tigers start to bounce," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a crutch.
"What did you say, bud? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, beast. My name ain't your concern, so think."
Alex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he announced. "This here old friend of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered elatedly, their dignity quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger smiled, ignoring Alex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearest a cambric tea," Alex snarled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rotating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cambric tea in front of the woman. The stranger hopelessly picked up the drink.
Hastily, Alex grabbed the stranger by her adrenal gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyeball. The stranger rushed up, seized Alex by the toupee, and with a coy air kiss, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his bicep.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger moaned innocently. "The name's Rosemary, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Alex sputtered suspiciously until Rosemary let go and peevishly turned away with a menacing grin. Suddenly, Alex reached into his ski mask and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, joy of my life. I got something for you, doll."
Rosemary turned charmingly, drew her Uzi, and faced Alex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Paranoid? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other thoughtfully for what seemed like a second. Finally, Alex lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Alex exploded unabashedly. "You got a lotta thoraxes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Rosemary took his hand with a calm belly laugh. "You know, shabookadook, you're kinda hungry when you're angry."
Alex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cambric tea," he orated.