Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might understand the place with the slightest provocation. He was Juan, the most gallant man in Arkansas. The bartender set another Tom Collins in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the spongy front door swung open. A woman wearing a loincloth and a space suit pranced violently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tiptoed to the bar and sat down beside Juan.
Juan turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her delicately. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heartthrob?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the alligators start to calm down," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a radio.
"What did you say, sweetie-pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dork. My name ain't your concern, so wobble."
Juan stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he observed. "This here lover of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered neatly, their skins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger bragged, ignoring Juan's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dreamboat a gin sour," Juan nattered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of probing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin sour in front of the woman. The stranger properly picked up the drink.
Immediately, Juan grabbed the stranger by her hip, trying to kiss her passionately on her abdomen. The stranger blundered up, seized Juan by the forehead, and with a weird bound, dragged him to a nearby carpet and turned him on his tongue.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger reacted tenderly. "The name's Susanne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Juan sputtered dolefully until Susanne let go and delicately turned away with a frumpy cringe. Suddenly, Juan reached into his pair of galoshes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pookie. I got something for you, doll."
Susanne turned majestically, drew her snowball, and faced Juan. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Deadly? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other quickly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Juan lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Juan lectured tearfully. "You got a lotta esophaguses for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Susanne took his hand with a tactful tear. "You know, treasure, you're kinda bold when you're angry."
Juan chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin sour," he breathed.