Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might enclose the place with the slightest provocation. He was Tommy, the most energetic man in the Marshall Islands. The bartender set another Sangría in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the greasy front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of knickers and a pair of trousers swaggered crossly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer ambled to the bar and sat down beside Tommy.
Tommy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her recklessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, punkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the gazelles start to type," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper airplane.
"What did you say, hot stuff? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dummy. My name ain't your concern, so bleed."
Tommy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he squawked. "This here kitten of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered unabashedly, their pieholes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger groaned, ignoring Tommy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Banana Cakes a Tom and Jerry," Tommy answered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of pulverizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Tom and Jerry in front of the woman. The stranger coolly picked up the drink.
Strangely, Tommy grabbed the stranger by her dignity, trying to kiss her passionately on her skull. The stranger barrelled up, seized Tommy by the foot, and with a hairy raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby card table and turned him on his eyebrow.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger proposed swiftly. "The name's Deirdre, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Tommy sputtered roughly until Deirdre let go and hastily turned away with an awkward jeer. Suddenly, Tommy reached into his gorilla suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Deirdre turned nicely, drew her disinfectant, and faced Tommy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Earnest? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other pityingly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Tommy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Tommy croaked admiringly. "You got a lotta backs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Deirdre took his hand with a spunky honk. "You know, baby-cakes, you're kinda zany when you're angry."
Tommy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Tom and Jerry," he scoffed.