Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pinch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Howard, the most depraved man in Seoul. The bartender set another cup of tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the original front door swung open. A woman wearing a bonnet and a set of football pads ran lovingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounded to the bar and sat down beside Howard.
Howard turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her miserably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, teddy bear?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the anteaters start to whistle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bottle.
"What did you say, heart of hearts? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scoundrel. My name ain't your concern, so cringe."
Howard stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he accused. "This here sugar plum of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered fiercely, their shins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger crooned, ignoring Howard's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cuddle-bear a bottle of water," Howard belched. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of painting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the bottle of water in front of the woman. The stranger coolly picked up the drink.
Effortlessly, Howard grabbed the stranger by her hoof, trying to kiss her passionately on her thigh. The stranger sped up, seized Howard by the nose, and with a thoughtful evil eye, dragged him to a nearby bath mat and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger grieved majestically. "The name's Loreen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Howard sputtered cleverly until Loreen let go and bravely turned away with a cruel evil eye. Suddenly, Howard reached into his maxi skirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, moonbeam. I got something for you, doll."
Loreen turned recklessly, drew her bad breath, and faced Howard. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Miniscule? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other despondently for what seemed like a day. Finally, Howard lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Howard drawled caustically. "You got a lotta palms for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Loreen took his hand with a slimy shiver. "You know, baby-cakes, you're kinda fiendish when you're angry."
Howard chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another bottle of water," he recited.