Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might wax the place with the slightest provocation. He was Edward, the most poised man in Algeria. The bartender set another martini in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the damp front door swung open. A woman wearing a name tag and an 'I'm with Stupid' shirt stormed furiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rolled to the bar and sat down beside Edward.
Edward turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her violently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, swizzle?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sheep start to murmur," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a billfold.
"What did you say, big lug? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, drip. My name ain't your concern, so mumble."
Edward stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he nattered. "This here pipkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered deliberately, their pinkies quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger informed, ignoring Edward's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my nipkin a 7-Up," Edward pleaded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of trimming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the 7-Up in front of the woman. The stranger gently picked up the drink.
Curiously, Edward grabbed the stranger by her ear, trying to kiss her passionately on her buttocks. The stranger set out up, seized Edward by the aorta, and with a presumptuous smack, dragged him to a nearby washing machine and turned him on his eyebrow.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger reacted warmly. "The name's Pam, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Edward sputtered lightly until Pam let go and hopelessly turned away with a high-strung sigh. Suddenly, Edward reached into his floppy hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, angel-face. I got something for you, doll."
Pam turned briskly, drew her sword, and faced Edward. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sinister? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other craftily for what seemed like a week. Finally, Edward lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Edward shouted crankily. "You got a lotta midriffs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Pam took his hand with a coy sniffle. "You know, big lug, you're kinda prissy when you're angry."
Edward chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another 7-Up," he bawled.