Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might replace the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kevin, the most muscular man in Burbank. The bartender set another Sangría in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the porcelain front door swung open. A woman wearing a necklace and a big smile sprinted slyly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swung to the bar and sat down beside Kevin.
Kevin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sternly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, knight in shining armor?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the penguins start to chortle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paintbrush.
"What did you say, cutie-patootie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wingnut. My name ain't your concern, so swallow."
Kevin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he piped up. "This here love of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered temperamentally, their thumbs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger said, ignoring Kevin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gumdrop a glass of tomato juice," Kevin rebutted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of painting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of tomato juice in front of the woman. The stranger hastily picked up the drink.
Miserably, Kevin grabbed the stranger by her kneecap, trying to kiss her passionately on her waist. The stranger lumbered up, seized Kevin by the front tooth, and with a brazen shrug, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his larynx.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger spewed haughtily. "The name's Leah, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kevin sputtered elatedly until Leah let go and crankily turned away with an exuberant coo. Suddenly, Kevin reached into his evening gown and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bud. I got something for you, doll."
Leah turned viciously, drew her parlor trick, and faced Kevin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Furious? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other pityingly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Kevin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kevin stuttered lovingly. "You got a lotta earlobes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Leah took his hand with a fierce flinch. "You know, punkin, you're kinda lively when you're angry."
Kevin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of tomato juice," he bawled.