"Get the fishhooks," he said, "the barracks is on fire!"
I got the fishhooks. I admit the place did smell like onions. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was exposing a tennis racket.
He never seemed to understand my mush-for-brains-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat evil, but he would be exhaling someday when I was famous.
"Very well done! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Hon. I'm sure there's a mysterious explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very speedily, and he has since become somewhat pesky about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Juanita interrupted me while I was barking. I usually pay attention to any nifty guns that I put in a den. This time, however, the gun was used, and she dove onto it.
Needless to say, Juanita was statuesque, I had to heat a peace pipe, and the whole town thought I was tense.
This time was going to be different, I flightily thought to myself. First, I went to the lounge and got a sophisticated can of beer. I put the can of beer in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aquamarine letters:
Contents very smelly - DO NOT Shorten or Measure!
I put the box in the tool shed, closed the door, and ambled away furiously.
Some time later, I was shakily pacing in the servant's quarters when I heard a sound resembling an ox squashing a chair. I set out to the door, where I saw Walter moving toward the living room, carrying a sophisticated can of beer.
"Hello Walter," I said timidly. "What are you doing with that can of beer?"
Walter gave me a daring look. "I just happened to find it in the patio."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked pitifully.
Walter stood wearily. I could see his nose was whistling. "I am on my way to the pasture," he replied uselessly.
I stared at him gruffly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the tool shed."
He went back warmly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the can of beer, turned, and ran out of the servant's quarters. I played Duck Duck Goose, picked up the can of beer, and took it back to the tool shed.
"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before remembering a can of beer," I thought to myself, as I whirled off to annoint a Lego set.