Rewrite this story

The Bottle Of Perfume

bottle of perfume

"Get the bass viols," she said, "the subway tunnel is on fire!"

I got the bass viols. I admit the place did smell like a barn. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was moistening a cigarette.

She never seemed to understand my hipster-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat jaunty, but she would be staring into space someday when I was famous.

"Goodness me! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pet. I'm sure there's a primitive explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very fearlessly, and she has since become somewhat radiant about the whole thing.

Lego set

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Solomon interrupted me while I was standing by. I usually pay attention to any immense Lego sets that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the Lego set was hefty, and he swaggered onto it.

Needless to say, Solomon was lethargic, I had to box a flyswatter, and the whole town thought I was deadly.

This time was going to be different, I testily thought to myself. First, I went to the patio and got a gleaming bottle of perfume. I put the bottle of perfume in a large box and wrote on the box in bold orange letters:

cardboard box

Contents very aromatic - DO NOT Pulverize or Beat!

I put the box in the servant's quarters, closed the door, and scurried away strictly.

Some time later, I was mysteriously adjusting in the hall when I heard a sound resembling a flea excluding a Happy Meal. I sashayed to the door, where I saw Frank moving toward the master bathroom, carrying a gleaming bottle of perfume.

"Hello Frank," I said lazily. "What are you doing with that bottle of perfume?"

Frank gave me a sassy look. "I just happened to find it in the outhouse."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked diligently.

Frank stood glibly. I could see his wrist was sliding. "I am on my way to the savanna," he replied demurely.

I stared at him courageously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the servant's quarters."

He dashed back lazily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bottle of perfume, turned, and ran out of the hall. I chewed, picked up the bottle of perfume, and took it back to the servant's quarters.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before grappling a bottle of perfume," I thought to myself, as I tore off to unlock a bone.