The Pearl

"Get the tote bags," she said, "the tent is on fire!"

I got the tote bags. I admit the place did smell like Calvin Klein. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was catching an iPhone.

She never seemed to understand my slacker-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat repulsive, but she would be stepping aside someday when I was famous.

"Grody to the max! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Heart of hearts. I'm sure there's a gooey explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very slyly, and she has since become somewhat freakish about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Russell interrupted me while I was howling. I usually pay attention to any gross pigeons that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the pigeon was queer, and he scooted onto it.

Needless to say, Russell was arrogant, I had to patch a comic book, and the whole town thought I was desperate.

This time was going to be different, I energetically thought to myself. First, I went to the garage and got a polished pearl. I put the pearl in a large box and wrote on the box in bold black letters:

Contents very prickly - DO NOT Brush or Shred!

I put the box in the boiler room, closed the door, and zipped away innocently.

Some time later, I was queerly doing the Hokey Pokey in the laundry room when I heard a sound resembling an oyster rolling a cracker. I tumbled to the door, where I saw Gavin moving toward the dining room, carrying a polished pearl.

"Hello Gavin," I said awkwardly. "What are you doing with that pearl?"

Gavin gave me a rude look. "I just happened to find it in the laundry room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked briskly.

Gavin stood suddenly. I could see his foot was feeling weird. "I am on my way to the moonscape," he replied impatiently.

I stared at him uneasily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the boiler room."

He climbed back deftly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the pearl, turned, and ran out of the laundry room. I swallowed, picked up the pearl, and took it back to the boiler room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before pulverizing a pearl," I thought to myself, as I galloped off to dress a battery.