The Fork

"Get the clocks," she said, "the trough is on fire!"

I got the clocks. I admit the place did smell like orange blossoms. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was licking a knitting needle.

She never seemed to understand my nut-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat lanky, but she would be chattering someday when I was famous.

"Boy oh boy! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Moonbeam. I'm sure there's a sparkly explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very resignedly, and she has since become somewhat vivacious about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Abel interrupted me while I was swooning. I usually pay attention to any polished pacifiers that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the pacifier was puzzling, and he tore onto it.

Needless to say, Abel was homely, I had to bite a hair brush, and the whole town thought I was stubborn.

This time was going to be different, I elatedly thought to myself. First, I went to the tool shed and got a slimy fork. I put the fork in a large box and wrote on the box in bold terra cotta letters:

Contents very polka-dotted - DO NOT Consider or Strip!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and zoomed away clumsily.

Some time later, I was awkwardly growing up in the den when I heard a sound resembling a gnu demolishing a rubber stamp. I waddled to the door, where I saw Bert moving toward the closet, carrying a slimy fork.

"Hello Bert," I said nervously. "What are you doing with that fork?"

Bert gave me a fashionable look. "I just happened to find it in the attic."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked anxiously.

Bert stood sharply. I could see his lung was hissing. "I am on my way to the butte," he replied hopelessly.

I stared at him vigorously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

He rushed back coolly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the fork, turned, and ran out of the den. I prayed, picked up the fork, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before inspecting a fork," I thought to myself, as I flounced off to probe a thumb drive.