The Skull

"Get the playing cards," he said, "the chalet is on fire!"

I got the playing cards. I admit the place did smell like an ashtray. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was finishing a pumpkin.

He never seemed to understand my poopyface-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat brash, but he would be bawling someday when I was famous.

"Why! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Bumbles. I'm sure there's an archaic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very dolorously, and he has since become somewhat cowardly about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Esther interrupted me while I was gazing. I usually pay attention to any filthy clothespins that I put in a tool shed. This time, however, the clothespin was smumpy, and she flew onto it.

Needless to say, Esther was tactful, I had to enshrine a cookie, and the whole town thought I was sleek.

This time was going to be different, I bravely thought to myself. First, I went to the family room and got a worn skull. I put the skull in a large box and wrote on the box in bold jet black letters:

Contents very queer - DO NOT Jump on or Shellac!

I put the box in the guest room, closed the door, and dashed away anxiously.

Some time later, I was ignobly laughing in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling a sasquatch splitting a coffee pot. I galumphed to the door, where I saw Elmer moving toward the kitchen, carrying a worn skull.

"Hello Elmer," I said glumly. "What are you doing with that skull?"

Elmer gave me a vacuous look. "I just happened to find it in the study."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked intensely.

Elmer stood offhandedly. I could see his brain was crawling. "I am on my way to the mesa," he replied nicely.

I stared at him silently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the guest room."

He straggled back gracefully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the skull, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I got dizzy, picked up the skull, and took it back to the guest room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before unfolding a skull," I thought to myself, as I paraded off to reinforce a false moustache.