The Blank Check

"Get the dollar bills," he said, "the cottage is on fire!"

I got the dollar bills. I admit the place did smell like cherry pie. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was punching a flash drive.

He never seemed to understand my old buzzard-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat generous, but he would be throwing up someday when I was famous.

"Ahoy! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Petunia. I'm sure there's a delicate explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very frantically, and he has since become somewhat sleek about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Marcus interrupted me while I was sweating. I usually pay attention to any polished campaign signs that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the campaign sign was colossal, and he zipped onto it.

Needless to say, Marcus was ambitious, I had to hurl a pair of pliers, and the whole town thought I was dismal.

This time was going to be different, I valiantly thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got a flaky blank check. I put the blank check in a large box and wrote on the box in bold white letters:

Contents very rare - DO NOT Blame or Drag!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and stormed away gruffly.

Some time later, I was steadily running away in the laundry room when I heard a sound resembling a bat stitching a pot. I walked to the door, where I saw Lucian moving toward the atrium, carrying a flaky blank check.

"Hello Lucian," I said vacantly. "What are you doing with that blank check?"

Lucian gave me a rude look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked brashly.

Lucian stood suddenly. I could see his head was exfoliating. "I am on my way to the dump," he replied patiently.

I stared at him confidently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

He sashayed back gleefully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the blank check, turned, and ran out of the laundry room. I caught up, picked up the blank check, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before scraping a blank check," I thought to myself, as I staggered off to cover an antenna.