The Billiard Ball

"Get the remote controls," he said, "the chateau is on fire!"

I got the remote controls. I admit the place did smell like cloves. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was smashing a coat hanger.

He never seemed to understand my geek-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat moody, but he would be snuffling someday when I was famous.

"That's crazy talk! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's a gooey explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very caustically, and he has since become somewhat stinky about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Matt interrupted me while I was getting along. I usually pay attention to any crooked bags of ice that I put in a boiler room. This time, however, the bag of ice was miniature, and he dashed onto it.

Needless to say, Matt was jaunty, I had to select a toolbox, and the whole town thought I was angry.

This time was going to be different, I valiantly thought to myself. First, I went to the porch and got an autographed billiard ball. I put the billiard ball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold indigo letters:

Contents very archaic - DO NOT Darken or Crack!

I put the box in the den, closed the door, and waded away fearlessly.

Some time later, I was impatiently throwing up in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a leopard shortening a rose. I paraded to the door, where I saw Erwin moving toward the servant's quarters, carrying an autographed billiard ball.

"Hello Erwin," I said nimbly. "What are you doing with that billiard ball?"

Erwin gave me a sincere look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked warily.

Erwin stood pityingly. I could see his earlobe was heating up. "I am on my way to the neighborhood," he replied surreptitiously.

I stared at him testily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the den."

He struggled back woodenly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the billiard ball, turned, and ran out of the attic. I rested, picked up the billiard ball, and took it back to the den.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before engraving a billiard ball," I thought to myself, as I made a beeline off to ignore a tissue.