The Toy

"Get the notepads," she said, "the wikiup is on fire!"

I got the notepads. I admit the place did smell like curry. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was selecting a bagpipe.

She never seemed to understand my blackguard-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat selfish, but she would be dithering someday when I was famous.

"Hello! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Twinkles. I'm sure there's a golden explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very breathlessly, and she has since become somewhat impish about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Shelley interrupted me while I was slobbering. I usually pay attention to any decrepit bird feeders that I put in a billiard room. This time, however, the bird feeder was original, and she reeled onto it.

Needless to say, Shelley was selfish, I had to loosen a Frisbee, and the whole town thought I was drowsy.

This time was going to be different, I joyously thought to myself. First, I went to the study and got a synthetic toy. I put the toy in a large box and wrote on the box in bold hot pink letters:

Contents very coarse - DO NOT Control or Kill!

I put the box in the den, closed the door, and galloped away testily.

Some time later, I was nimbly passing out in the solarium when I heard a sound resembling an android plasticizing a paper towel. I pranced to the door, where I saw Nathan moving toward the attic, carrying a synthetic toy.

"Hello Nathan," I said daringly. "What are you doing with that toy?"

Nathan gave me a contented look. "I just happened to find it in the guest room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked awkwardly.

Nathan stood hopelessly. I could see his collarbone was hanging. "I am on my way to the marsh," he replied suavely.

I stared at him uneasily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the den."

He lurched back effortlessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the toy, turned, and ran out of the solarium. I pondered, picked up the toy, and took it back to the den.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before gripping a toy," I thought to myself, as I strolled off to spin a hair dryer.