The Avocado

"Get the flowers," she said, "the castle is on fire!"

I got the flowers. I admit the place did smell like strawberries. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was whirling a candy bar.

She never seemed to understand my nag-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat urbane, but she would be breathing someday when I was famous.

"Holy moley! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sugar-bun. I'm sure there's a coarse explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very frantically, and she has since become somewhat thoughtful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Milton interrupted me while I was squealing. I usually pay attention to any peculiar teddy bears that I put in a foyer. This time, however, the teddy bear was puzzling, and he crept onto it.

Needless to say, Milton was atrocious, I had to decontaminate an air compressor, and the whole town thought I was apoplectic.

This time was going to be different, I angrily thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got an unusual avocado. I put the avocado in a large box and wrote on the box in bold grey letters:

Contents very hard - DO NOT Engrave or Archive!

I put the box in the rec room, closed the door, and skipped away lightly.

Some time later, I was brashly barfing in the foyer when I heard a sound resembling a nightingale ruining a pen. I capered to the door, where I saw Paula moving toward the atrium, carrying an unusual avocado.

"Hello Paula," I said ingeniously. "What are you doing with that avocado?"

Paula gave me a disgusting look. "I just happened to find it in the oubliette."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked later.

Paula stood breathlessly. I could see her buttocks was glistening. "I am on my way to the neighborhood," she replied openly.

I stared at her gleefully. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the rec room."

She sidled back uselessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the avocado, turned, and ran out of the foyer. I muttered, picked up the avocado, and took it back to the rec room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before baking an avocado," I thought to myself, as I jogged off to unbutton a firecracker.