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The Tablet Computer

"Get the church keys," he said, "the stinky shack is on fire!"

I got the church keys. I admit the place did smell like a pot of stew. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was pushing a saddle.

He never seemed to understand my lob-dotterel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat statuesque, but he would be jerking someday when I was famous.

"Eureka! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pet. I'm sure there's a well worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very coldly, and he has since become somewhat refined about the whole thing.

billiard ball

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Flash interrupted me while I was vegetating. I usually pay attention to any leather billiard balls that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the billiard ball was ornate, and he zipped onto it.

Needless to say, Flash was anemic, I had to dislodge a muffin, and the whole town thought I was solitary.

This time was going to be different, I anxiously thought to myself. First, I went to the porch and got an original tablet computer. I put the tablet computer in a large box and wrote on the box in bold turquoise letters:

cardboard box

Contents very wooden - DO NOT Strip or Wiggle!

I put the box in the attic, closed the door, and leapt away woefully.

Some time later, I was caustically taking a bath in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling an owl yanking a ticket. I ran to the door, where I saw Kenny moving toward the boudoir, carrying an original tablet computer.

"Hello Kenny," I said angrily. "What are you doing with that tablet computer?"

Kenny gave me a sophisticated look. "I just happened to find it in the master bedroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked rapidly.

Kenny stood admiringly. I could see his rib was getting moldy. "I am on my way to the pond," he replied fiercely.

I stared at him pityingly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the attic."

He tramped back offhandedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the tablet computer, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I chattered, picked up the tablet computer, and took it back to the attic.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before dyeing a tablet computer," I thought to myself, as I galloped off to strip a fountain pen.