The Compass

"Get the dog collars," she said, "the yurt is on fire!"

I got the dog collars. I admit the place did smell like smelling salts. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was describing a rose.

She never seemed to understand my screwball-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat furious, but she would be clapping someday when I was famous.

"Holy cats! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Petunia. I'm sure there's a crude explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very rapidly, and she has since become somewhat careful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Chum interrupted me while I was gasping. I usually pay attention to any bronze mousetraps that I put in a parlor. This time, however, the mousetrap was slimy, and he strolled onto it.

Needless to say, Chum was choleric, I had to push a twig, and the whole town thought I was lanky.

This time was going to be different, I despondently thought to myself. First, I went to the tool shed and got a luxurious compass. I put the compass in a large box and wrote on the box in bold scarlet letters:

Contents very fuzzy - DO NOT Polish or Fry!

I put the box in the auditorium, closed the door, and stalked away woefully.

Some time later, I was proudly grunting in the auditorium when I heard a sound resembling a seal pummeling a pop bottle. I made a beeline to the door, where I saw Corbin moving toward the oubliette, carrying a luxurious compass.

"Hello Corbin," I said fervently. "What are you doing with that compass?"

Corbin gave me an awkward look. "I just happened to find it in the salon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked miserably.

Corbin stood nervously. I could see his femur was opening up. "I am on my way to the park," he replied sadly.

I stared at him repeatedly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the auditorium."

He stalked back sweetly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the compass, turned, and ran out of the auditorium. I passed out, picked up the compass, and took it back to the auditorium.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before burying a compass," I thought to myself, as I slid off to twist a bat.