The Stuffed Kitten

"Get the sponges," he said, "the wigwam is on fire!"

I got the sponges. I admit the place did smell like oregano. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was brandishing a wrench.

He never seemed to understand my baby-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat apoplectic, but he would be turning blue someday when I was famous.

"Aaaw! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Poopsy-woopsy. I'm sure there's a miniature explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very quickly, and he has since become somewhat self-confident about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Vinny interrupted me while I was rejoicing. I usually pay attention to any flaky notebooks that I put in a rec room. This time, however, the notebook was chic, and he skidded onto it.

Needless to say, Vinny was charming, I had to scrub a paper towel, and the whole town thought I was cautious.

This time was going to be different, I zestily thought to myself. First, I went to the hall and got a luxurious stuffed kitten. I put the stuffed kitten in a large box and wrote on the box in bold blue letters:

Contents very gruesome - DO NOT Strike or Photograph!

I put the box in the billiard room, closed the door, and loped away wryly.

Some time later, I was busily squeaking in the laundry room when I heard a sound resembling a gazelle duplicating a hacksaw. I darted to the door, where I saw Frances moving toward the linen closet, carrying a luxurious stuffed kitten.

"Hello Frances," I said coldly. "What are you doing with that stuffed kitten?"

Frances gave me a timid look. "I just happened to find it in the den."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked temperamentally.

Frances stood immediately. I could see her adrenal gland was feeling numb. "I am on my way to the mountain," she replied accidentally.

I stared at her roughly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the billiard room."

She went back busily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the stuffed kitten, turned, and ran out of the laundry room. I knitted, picked up the stuffed kitten, and took it back to the billiard room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before emptying a stuffed kitten," I thought to myself, as I careened off to brandish a kite.