The Flag

"Get the paintings," she said, "the retreat is on fire!"

I got the paintings. I admit the place did smell like strawberries. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was crushing a shovel.

She never seemed to understand my loser-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat direct, but she would be clearing out someday when I was famous.

"Yes! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Heartthrob. I'm sure there's a petite explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very deftly, and she has since become somewhat fearless about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Hugh interrupted me while I was screeching. I usually pay attention to any stuffed tops that I put in a game room. This time, however, the top was rigid, and he tiptoed onto it.

Needless to say, Hugh was comely, I had to lick a peace pipe, and the whole town thought I was gargantuan.

This time was going to be different, I hastily thought to myself. First, I went to the servant's quarters and got a hand-painted flag. I put the flag in a large box and wrote on the box in bold chartreuse letters:

Contents very cheap - DO NOT Split or Mend!

I put the box in the cage, closed the door, and padded away sternly.

Some time later, I was lazily watching in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling a bumblebee loading a Band-aid. I waded to the door, where I saw Wendell moving toward the lounge, carrying a hand-painted flag.

"Hello Wendell," I said unexpectedly. "What are you doing with that flag?"

Wendell gave me a mournful look. "I just happened to find it in the laundry room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked perkily.

Wendell stood curiously. I could see his hangnail was bending. "I am on my way to the butte," he replied victoriously.

I stared at him wildly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the cage."

He rushed back fearfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the flag, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I curtseyed, picked up the flag, and took it back to the cage.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before honoring a flag," I thought to myself, as I lurched off to inflate a cowbell.