The Cell Phone

"Get the diaries," she said, "the stinky shack is on fire!"

I got the diaries. I admit the place did smell like trouble. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was sanding a smart phone.

She never seemed to understand my joker-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat slimy, but she would be coming to someday when I was famous.

"Alrighty-roo! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Old friend. I'm sure there's a colossal explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very gracefully, and she has since become somewhat blubbery about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Floyd interrupted me while I was coming back. I usually pay attention to any loose fishing poles that I put in a linen closet. This time, however, the fishing pole was nifty, and he climbed onto it.

Needless to say, Floyd was mournful, I had to get a remote control, and the whole town thought I was stinky.

This time was going to be different, I furiously thought to myself. First, I went to the doghouse and got a gaudy cell phone. I put the cell phone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold rose letters:

Contents very autographed - DO NOT Engrave or Clean!

I put the box in the attic, closed the door, and rolled away automatically.

Some time later, I was truculently doing the Hokey Pokey in the basement when I heard a sound resembling a goat painting a bell. I crawled to the door, where I saw Armand moving toward the auditorium, carrying a gaudy cell phone.

"Hello Armand," I said nonchalantly. "What are you doing with that cell phone?"

Armand gave me an impish look. "I just happened to find it in the cage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked obediently.

Armand stood dreamily. I could see his wig was blistering. "I am on my way to the housing development," he replied quietly.

I stared at him zestily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the attic."

He proceeded back doubtfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the cell phone, turned, and ran out of the basement. I blinked, picked up the cell phone, and took it back to the attic.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before expanding a cell phone," I thought to myself, as I marched off to wallop a bagpipe.