The Bilge Pump

"Get the dog biscuits," she said, "the flat is on fire!"

I got the dog biscuits. I admit the place did smell like Chanel No. 5. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was refurbishing a bag of potato chips.

She never seemed to understand my dingleberry-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat perky, but she would be carrying on someday when I was famous.

"Boo! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Joy of my life. I'm sure there's an important explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very positively, and she has since become somewhat clever about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Martina interrupted me while I was chuckling. I usually pay attention to any flexible towels that I put in a solarium. This time, however, the towel was gigantic, and she zoomed onto it.

Needless to say, Martina was dowdy, I had to maintain a ruler, and the whole town thought I was jolly.

This time was going to be different, I boisterously thought to myself. First, I went to the pool room and got an original bilge pump. I put the bilge pump in a large box and wrote on the box in bold orange letters:

Contents very wet - DO NOT Experience or Analyze!

I put the box in the atrium, closed the door, and jogged away thoughtfully.

Some time later, I was caustically whirling in the foyer when I heard a sound resembling a rooster roasting a diamond. I darted to the door, where I saw Dusty moving toward the auditorium, carrying an original bilge pump.

"Hello Dusty," I said excitedly. "What are you doing with that bilge pump?"

Dusty gave me a creepy look. "I just happened to find it in the attic."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked merrily.

Dusty stood gently. I could see his abdomen was acting weird. "I am on my way to the housing development," he replied unnaturally.

I stared at him suspiciously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the atrium."

He straggled back lazily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bilge pump, turned, and ran out of the foyer. I wandered, picked up the bilge pump, and took it back to the atrium.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before dressing a bilge pump," I thought to myself, as I barrelled off to select a stuffed bunny.