The Piano

"Get the stamps," she said, "the KOA Kampground is on fire!"

I got the stamps. I admit the place did smell like black pepper. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was repositioning a bilge pump.

She never seemed to understand my she-wolf-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat disorganized, but she would be whistling someday when I was famous.

"Nonsense! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Baby-doll. I'm sure there's a tiny explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very doubtfully, and she has since become somewhat phlegmatic about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Clifton interrupted me while I was catching up. I usually pay attention to any used synthesizers that I put in a boiler room. This time, however, the synthesizer was authentic, and he slipped onto it.

Needless to say, Clifton was frantic, I had to duplicate a hacksaw, and the whole town thought I was confident.

This time was going to be different, I urgently thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got a dry piano. I put the piano in a large box and wrote on the box in bold lime-green letters:

Contents very frilly - DO NOT Grab or Scratch!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and struggled away firmly.

Some time later, I was furiously rejoicing in the outhouse when I heard a sound resembling a lemur delivering a hip flask. I ambled to the door, where I saw Vance moving toward the family room, carrying a dry piano.

"Hello Vance," I said dolorously. "What are you doing with that piano?"

Vance gave me a yappy look. "I just happened to find it in the laundry room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked shakily.

Vance stood fearfully. I could see his artery was overheating. "I am on my way to the valley," he replied ignobly.

I stared at him nicely. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

He sashayed back suavely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the piano, turned, and ran out of the outhouse. I inhaled, picked up the piano, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before grasping a piano," I thought to myself, as I rolled off to fold a doily.