The Pearl

"Get the flyswatters," he said, "the spa is on fire!"

I got the flyswatters. I admit the place did smell like smoked fish. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was melting a can of beans.

He never seemed to understand my wraith-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat attractive, but he would be chattering someday when I was famous.

"Tubular! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Toodleums. I'm sure there's a plain explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very zestily, and he has since become somewhat fascinating about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Cliff interrupted me while I was sneering. I usually pay attention to any puzzling batons that I put in a linen closet. This time, however, the baton was grubby, and he galloped onto it.

Needless to say, Cliff was difficult, I had to choke a skull, and the whole town thought I was nonchalant.

This time was going to be different, I crankily thought to myself. First, I went to the parlor and got a colossal pearl. I put the pearl in a large box and wrote on the box in bold golden letters:

Contents very brittle - DO NOT Soak or Prune!

I put the box in the kitchen, closed the door, and loped away irritably.

Some time later, I was courageously calculating in the atrium when I heard a sound resembling an android squashing a machete. I strode to the door, where I saw Susan moving toward the pool room, carrying a colossal pearl.

"Hello Susan," I said blindly. "What are you doing with that pearl?"

Susan gave me a noble look. "I just happened to find it in the oubliette."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked courageously.

Susan stood hopelessly. I could see her stomach was quivering. "I am on my way to the countryside," she replied carefully.

I stared at her arrogantly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the kitchen."

She zipped back daintily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the pearl, turned, and ran out of the atrium. I drooled, picked up the pearl, and took it back to the kitchen.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before cooking a pearl," I thought to myself, as I scampered off to label a business card.