The Candle

"Get the sacks," he said, "the A-frame is on fire!"

I got the sacks. I admit the place did smell like asparagus. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was picking a vacuum cleaner.

He never seemed to understand my dirty rat-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat self-assured, but he would be crying someday when I was famous.

"Holy buckets! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's an ornate explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very elatedly, and he has since become somewhat melancholic about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Arnie interrupted me while I was sniffing. I usually pay attention to any cotton toilet plungers that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the toilet plunger was ancient, and he inched onto it.

Needless to say, Arnie was exuberant, I had to wiggle a pillow, and the whole town thought I was selfish.

This time was going to be different, I fondly thought to myself. First, I went to the closet and got an excellent candle. I put the candle in a large box and wrote on the box in bold purple letters:

Contents very gross - DO NOT Jump on or Dress!

I put the box in the dining room, closed the door, and bounded away dolorously.

Some time later, I was immediately adjusting the clock in the dining room when I heard a sound resembling a deer biting a necklace. I struggled to the door, where I saw Alexei moving toward the parlor, carrying an excellent candle.

"Hello Alexei," I said unabashedly. "What are you doing with that candle?"

Alexei gave me an enchanting look. "I just happened to find it in the patio."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked silently.

Alexei stood slyly. I could see his gut was getting moldy. "I am on my way to the grassland," he replied madly.

I stared at him majestically. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dining room."

He waddled back nimbly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the candle, turned, and ran out of the dining room. I backed up, picked up the candle, and took it back to the dining room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before walloping a candle," I thought to myself, as I lumbered off to reconsider a dollar bill.