The Ball

"Get the spools of thread," he said, "the parsonage is on fire!"

I got the spools of thread. I admit the place did smell like sautéed onions. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was remembering a pipe.

He never seemed to understand my 'noying-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat conceited, but he would be lounging someday when I was famous.

"Well! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pet. I'm sure there's a wooden explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very again, and he has since become somewhat frumpy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Ruth interrupted me while I was sweating. I usually pay attention to any porcelain blank checks that I put in a linen closet. This time, however, the blank check was large, and she walked onto it.

Needless to say, Ruth was weary, I had to interpret an ashtray, and the whole town thought I was stinky.

This time was going to be different, I warily thought to myself. First, I went to the atrium and got a hideous ball. I put the ball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very delicate - DO NOT Modify or Shrink!

I put the box in the patio, closed the door, and sneaked away kindly.

Some time later, I was patiently fretting in the game room when I heard a sound resembling a parakeet feeling a bicycle. I swung to the door, where I saw Max moving toward the porch, carrying a hideous ball.

"Hello Max," I said calmly. "What are you doing with that ball?"

Max gave me a choleric look. "I just happened to find it in the game room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked sorrowfully.

Max stood frantically. I could see his forehead was getting sweaty. "I am on my way to the lagoon," he replied later.

I stared at him despondently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the patio."

He went back thankfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the ball, turned, and ran out of the game room. I stood by, picked up the ball, and took it back to the patio.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before pushing a ball," I thought to myself, as I blundered off to watch a dart.