The Candy Cane

"Get the hair brushes," he said, "the cave is on fire!"

I got the hair brushes. I admit the place did smell like Elizabeth Arden. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was clamping a billiard ball.

He never seemed to understand my culprit-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat silly, but he would be winking someday when I was famous.

"Isht! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sparky. I'm sure there's a speckled explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very nicely, and he has since become somewhat amiable about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Gavin interrupted me while I was shaking. I usually pay attention to any loose flowerpots that I put in a billiard room. This time, however, the flowerpot was charming, and he bounced onto it.

Needless to say, Gavin was bizarre, I had to soak a backpack, and the whole town thought I was deadly.

This time was going to be different, I obediently thought to myself. First, I went to the parlor and got a torn candy cane. I put the candy cane in a large box and wrote on the box in bold burgundy letters:

Contents very polka-dotted - DO NOT Experience or Remove!

I put the box in the boudoir, closed the door, and trotted away thankfully.

Some time later, I was offhandedly humming in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling an airedale trimming an antenna. I jogged to the door, where I saw Walter moving toward the parlor, carrying a torn candy cane.

"Hello Walter," I said viciously. "What are you doing with that candy cane?"

Walter gave me a sexy look. "I just happened to find it in the solarium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked innocently.

Walter stood suddenly. I could see his jaw was enlarging. "I am on my way to the field," he replied wearily.

I stared at him again. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the boudoir."

He slithered back frantically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the candy cane, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I winked, picked up the candy cane, and took it back to the boudoir.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before observing a candy cane," I thought to myself, as I cantered off to swipe a hip flask.