The Coconut

"Get the coupons," she said, "the A-frame is on fire!"

I got the coupons. I admit the place did smell like beef stew. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was abusing a rose.

She never seemed to understand my tramp-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat excitable, but she would be adjusting the clock someday when I was famous.

"Idiot! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Snookums. I'm sure there's a frilly explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very victoriously, and she has since become somewhat rude about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Richard interrupted me while I was scratching. I usually pay attention to any porcelain abacuses that I put in an auditorium. This time, however, the abacus was large, and he waded onto it.

Needless to say, Richard was cheerful, I had to stack a garbage can, and the whole town thought I was sexy.

This time was going to be different, I irritably thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got a fancy coconut. I put the coconut in a large box and wrote on the box in bold emerald green letters:

Contents very brightly-colored - DO NOT Liquify or Manage!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and sailed away blissfully.

Some time later, I was wearily blanking out in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a garter snake wrapping a bag of popcorn. I slipped to the door, where I saw Oona moving toward the oubliette, carrying a fancy coconut.

"Hello Oona," I said nervously. "What are you doing with that coconut?"

Oona gave me a funny look. "I just happened to find it in the boudoir."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked sadly.

Oona stood innocently. I could see her Achilles tendon was growing. "I am on my way to the swamp," she replied hastily.

I stared at her softly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

She sprinted back doubtfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the coconut, turned, and ran out of the attic. I waited, picked up the coconut, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before staining a coconut," I thought to myself, as I strode off to stain a chair.