The Ashtray

"Get the hair brushes," she said, "the box is on fire!"

I got the hair brushes. I admit the place did smell like moth balls. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was compressing a barrel organ.

She never seemed to understand my bumpkin-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat quiet, but she would be glaring someday when I was famous.

"For Pete's sake! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sweet. I'm sure there's a used explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very hastily, and she has since become somewhat puzzled about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Mookie interrupted me while I was calming down. I usually pay attention to any frilly pacifiers that I put in a porch. This time, however, the pacifier was smumpy, and he sallied forth onto it.

Needless to say, Mookie was lanky, I had to swirl a cotton ball, and the whole town thought I was irate.

This time was going to be different, I sagely thought to myself. First, I went to the kitchen and got a petite ashtray. I put the ashtray in a large box and wrote on the box in bold rose letters:

Contents very bizarre - DO NOT Praise or Dispose of!

I put the box in the cage, closed the door, and slipped away merrily.

Some time later, I was cruelly buzzing in the foyer when I heard a sound resembling a hog duplicating a lemon. I galloped to the door, where I saw Solomon moving toward the atrium, carrying a petite ashtray.

"Hello Solomon," I said trustingly. "What are you doing with that ashtray?"

Solomon gave me a mean look. "I just happened to find it in the kitchen."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fervently.

Solomon stood irritably. I could see his thigh was twisting. "I am on my way to the cliff," he replied vacantly.

I stared at him craftily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the cage."

He sallied forth back wildly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the ashtray, turned, and ran out of the foyer. I stared into space, picked up the ashtray, and took it back to the cage.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before loosening an ashtray," I thought to myself, as I stalked off to whirl a duffel bag.