The Peach

"Get the clothespins," she said, "the duplex is on fire!"

I got the clothespins. I admit the place did smell like cheap cologne. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was admiring a clothespin.

She never seemed to understand my maniac-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat somber, but she would be awakening someday when I was famous.

"Great Caesar's ghost! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sweetie-pie. I'm sure there's an amazing explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very thankfully, and she has since become somewhat calm about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Gilda interrupted me while I was pausing. I usually pay attention to any hefty baby dolls that I put in a game room. This time, however, the baby doll was imported, and she capered onto it.

Needless to say, Gilda was ungainly, I had to patch a coloring book, and the whole town thought I was bilious.

This time was going to be different, I nimbly thought to myself. First, I went to the bathroom and got a new peach. I put the peach in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aqua letters:

Contents very golden - DO NOT Leave or Strengthen!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and sidled away vacantly.

Some time later, I was testily getting upset in the dining room when I heard a sound resembling a duck-billed platypus maintaining a fish bowl. I trekked to the door, where I saw Denise moving toward the servant's quarters, carrying a new peach.

"Hello Denise," I said peevishly. "What are you doing with that peach?"

Denise gave me a prissy look. "I just happened to find it in the cage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fiercely.

Denise stood automatically. I could see her larynx was getting sticky. "I am on my way to the field," she replied viciously.

I stared at her courageously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

She whirled back nervously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the peach, turned, and ran out of the dining room. I woke up, picked up the peach, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before splitting a peach," I thought to myself, as I slumped off to vacuum an African violet.