Rewrite this story

The Barbell

barbell

"Get the crutches," she said, "the sand castle is on fire!"

I got the crutches. I admit the place did smell like leather. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was copying a dictionary.

She never seemed to understand my vixen-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat silly, but she would be blushing someday when I was famous.

"Okay! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cutie-patootie. I'm sure there's a gigantic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very joyously, and she has since become somewhat corpulent about the whole thing.

cell phone

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Megan interrupted me while I was partying. I usually pay attention to any papery cell phones that I put in a study. This time, however, the cell phone was disgusting, and she bounded onto it.

Needless to say, Megan was hysterical, I had to develop a Happy Meal, and the whole town thought I was insane.

This time was going to be different, I madly thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got a torn barbell. I put the barbell in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

cardboard box

Contents very leather - DO NOT Bleach or Crack!

I put the box in the patio, closed the door, and cantered away grandly.

Some time later, I was pityingly sitting still in the guest room when I heard a sound resembling an elk weighing a mirror. I sauntered to the door, where I saw Charles moving toward the game room, carrying a torn barbell.

"Hello Charles," I said uselessly. "What are you doing with that barbell?"

Charles gave me a choleric look. "I just happened to find it in the hall."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked swiftly.

Charles stood offhandedly. I could see his finger was melting. "I am on my way to the peninsula," he replied caustically.

I stared at him crossly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the patio."

He careened back boisterously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the barbell, turned, and ran out of the guest room. I grimaced, picked up the barbell, and took it back to the patio.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before replacing a barbell," I thought to myself, as I darted off to play with a pair of scissors.