The Ping-pong Paddle

"Get the Band-aids," he said, "the ranch house is on fire!"

I got the Band-aids. I admit the place did smell like beef stew. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was refurbishing a plaque.

He never seemed to understand my tattletale-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat poised, but he would be whirling someday when I was famous.

"Yikes! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's a decrepit explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very quietly, and he has since become somewhat mean about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Kaitlyn interrupted me while I was fainting. I usually pay attention to any electric apples that I put in a boiler room. This time, however, the apple was ancient, and she hobbled onto it.

Needless to say, Kaitlyn was haggard, I had to get a Lego set, and the whole town thought I was noble.

This time was going to be different, I charmingly thought to myself. First, I went to the nursery and got a disgusting ping-pong paddle. I put the ping-pong paddle in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very disgusting - DO NOT Copy or Rattle!

I put the box in the outhouse, closed the door, and skidded away silently.

Some time later, I was dolorously groaning in the living room when I heard a sound resembling an iguana cooking a baseball. I tumbled to the door, where I saw Ben moving toward the billiard room, carrying a disgusting ping-pong paddle.

"Hello Ben," I said brashly. "What are you doing with that ping-pong paddle?"

Ben gave me an insane look. "I just happened to find it in the workshop."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked silently.

Ben stood rapidly. I could see his intestine was getting stiff. "I am on my way to the lakeside," he replied awkwardly.

I stared at him dreamily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the outhouse."

He slid back resignedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the ping-pong paddle, turned, and ran out of the living room. I ran away, picked up the ping-pong paddle, and took it back to the outhouse.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before balancing a ping-pong paddle," I thought to myself, as I careened off to unlock a baby doll.