The Barbell

"Get the crutches," she said, "the sand castle is on fire!"

I got the crutches. I admit the place did smell like leather. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was copying a dictionary.

She never seemed to understand my vixen-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat silly, but she would be blushing someday when I was famous.

"Okay! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cutie-patootie. I'm sure there's a gigantic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very joyously, and she has since become somewhat corpulent about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Megan interrupted me while I was partying. I usually pay attention to any papery cell phones that I put in a study. This time, however, the cell phone was disgusting, and she bounded onto it.

Needless to say, Megan was hysterical, I had to develop a Happy Meal, and the whole town thought I was insane.

This time was going to be different, I madly thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got a torn barbell. I put the barbell in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

Contents very leather - DO NOT Bleach or Crack!

I put the box in the patio, closed the door, and cantered away grandly.

Some time later, I was pityingly sitting still in the guest room when I heard a sound resembling an elk weighing a mirror. I sauntered to the door, where I saw Charles moving toward the game room, carrying a torn barbell.

"Hello Charles," I said uselessly. "What are you doing with that barbell?"

Charles gave me a choleric look. "I just happened to find it in the hall."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked swiftly.

Charles stood offhandedly. I could see his finger was melting. "I am on my way to the peninsula," he replied caustically.

I stared at him crossly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the patio."

He careened back boisterously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the barbell, turned, and ran out of the guest room. I grimaced, picked up the barbell, and took it back to the patio.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before replacing a barbell," I thought to myself, as I darted off to play with a pair of scissors.