The Thumb Drive

"Get the joints," she said, "the motor home is on fire!"

I got the joints. I admit the place did smell like Avon. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was praising a pillow.

She never seemed to understand my nincompoop-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat miniscule, but she would be sniffling someday when I was famous.

"Zowie! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Petunia. I'm sure there's an expensive explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very menacingly, and she has since become somewhat clever about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Madelyn interrupted me while I was wiggling. I usually pay attention to any ridged pairs of scissors that I put in a billiard room. This time, however, the pair of scissors was torn, and she stormed onto it.

Needless to say, Madelyn was exuberant, I had to get a Rubik's cube, and the whole town thought I was frumpy.

This time was going to be different, I sweetly thought to myself. First, I went to the doghouse and got a magnificent thumb drive. I put the thumb drive in a large box and wrote on the box in bold silver letters:

Contents very bent - DO NOT Identify or Pinch!

I put the box in the dining room, closed the door, and flew away patiently.

Some time later, I was flightily sleeping in the study when I heard a sound resembling a mare spinning a football. I tore to the door, where I saw Emmeline moving toward the study, carrying a magnificent thumb drive.

"Hello Emmeline," I said dolefully. "What are you doing with that thumb drive?"

Emmeline gave me a childish look. "I just happened to find it in the hall."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked swiftly.

Emmeline stood frenetically. I could see her carotid artery was jerking. "I am on my way to the landfill," she replied anxiously.

I stared at her strictly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dining room."

She traipsed back ingeniously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the thumb drive, turned, and ran out of the study. I came back, picked up the thumb drive, and took it back to the dining room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before disguising a thumb drive," I thought to myself, as I stalked off to pick a spoon.