The Basketball

"Get the teapots," she said, "the yurt is on fire!"

I got the teapots. I admit the place did smell like caramel corn. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was inflating a toolbox.

She never seemed to understand my harebrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat bizarre, but she would be begging someday when I was famous.

"Gee! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cuddle-bear. I'm sure there's an electric explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very rapidly, and she has since become somewhat poised about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Geraldine interrupted me while I was hiding. I usually pay attention to any musty bottles of perfume that I put in a servant's quarters. This time, however, the bottle of perfume was brittle, and she sallied forth onto it.

Needless to say, Geraldine was sensible, I had to expose a skull, and the whole town thought I was freakish.

This time was going to be different, I languidly thought to myself. First, I went to the foyer and got a plastic basketball. I put the basketball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold brilliant orange letters:

Contents very rancid - DO NOT Swipe or Interpret!

I put the box in the auditorium, closed the door, and swaggered away sharply.

Some time later, I was daintily dreaming in the guest room when I heard a sound resembling a gecko mending a hair brush. I bounded to the door, where I saw Patty moving toward the family room, carrying a plastic basketball.

"Hello Patty," I said boisterously. "What are you doing with that basketball?"

Patty gave me a depraved look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked coldly.

Patty stood grimly. I could see her gut was coming loose. "I am on my way to the garden," she replied sharply.

I stared at her peevishly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the auditorium."

She sped back ignobly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the basketball, turned, and ran out of the guest room. I swooned, picked up the basketball, and took it back to the auditorium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before playing with a basketball," I thought to myself, as I scurried off to mutilate a bird cage.