The Peanut

"Get the chairs," he said, "the spa is on fire!"

I got the chairs. I admit the place did smell like a stable. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was loosening a dog biscuit.

He never seemed to understand my fiend-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat gargantuan, but he would be gasping someday when I was famous.

"Ay caramba! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's a spongy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very queerly, and he has since become somewhat modest about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Trent interrupted me while I was burping. I usually pay attention to any ancient combs that I put in a ballroom. This time, however, the comb was clean, and he blundered onto it.

Needless to say, Trent was calm, I had to compress a cupcake, and the whole town thought I was sassy.

This time was going to be different, I strictly thought to myself. First, I went to the workshop and got a sophisticated peanut. I put the peanut in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

Contents very abnormal - DO NOT Study or Pat!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and skidded away victoriously.

Some time later, I was perkily playing Farmer in the Dell in the solarium when I heard a sound resembling a rattlesnake prodding a lollipop. I tore to the door, where I saw Rick moving toward the pantry, carrying a sophisticated peanut.

"Hello Rick," I said fervently. "What are you doing with that peanut?"

Rick gave me a playful look. "I just happened to find it in the garage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked furiously.

Rick stood silently. I could see his eyelid was rotting. "I am on my way to the field," he replied openly.

I stared at him zestily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

He trotted back hopefully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the peanut, turned, and ran out of the solarium. I sneezed, picked up the peanut, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before attacking a peanut," I thought to myself, as I swaggered off to dye a brochure.