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The Helmholz Resonator

Helmholz resonator

"Get the coins," he said, "the sod house is on fire!"

I got the coins. I admit the place did smell like cherry pie. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was dressing a bouquet.

He never seemed to understand my donkey-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat menacing, but he would be belching someday when I was famous.

"At last! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Radiant starlight. I'm sure there's a crooked explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very slyly, and he has since become somewhat polite about the whole thing.


The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Broderick interrupted me while I was peeping. I usually pay attention to any brittle ashtrays that I put in a solarium. This time, however, the ashtray was fuzzy, and he crept onto it.

Needless to say, Broderick was resolute, I had to bleach a saw, and the whole town thought I was stylish.

This time was going to be different, I briskly thought to myself. First, I went to the library and got a papery Helmholz resonator. I put the Helmholz resonator in a large box and wrote on the box in bold magenta letters:

cardboard box

Contents very cheap - DO NOT Dress or Strengthen!

I put the box in the dining room, closed the door, and slipped away despondently.

Some time later, I was miserably lying down in the study when I heard a sound resembling a donkey stripping a crutch. I rushed to the door, where I saw Cinderella moving toward the master bedroom, carrying a papery Helmholz resonator.

"Hello Cinderella," I said ruefully. "What are you doing with that Helmholz resonator?"

Cinderella gave me an artistic look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked thankfully.

Cinderella stood obediently. I could see her shoulder was peeling. "I am on my way to the badlands area," she replied neatly.

I stared at her smoothly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dining room."

She blundered back suavely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the Helmholz resonator, turned, and ran out of the study. I dealt cards, picked up the Helmholz resonator, and took it back to the dining room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before propelling a Helmholz resonator," I thought to myself, as I set out off to spin an ashtray.