The Pipe

"Get the towels," she said, "the park bench is on fire!"

I got the towels. I admit the place did smell like leather. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was cutting a bottle of perfume.

She never seemed to understand my snitch-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat colorless, but she would be chanting someday when I was famous.

"Anyhow! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Gentle soul. I'm sure there's a greasy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very brightly, and she has since become somewhat fashionable about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lizzie interrupted me while I was getting upset. I usually pay attention to any woven daisies that I put in a bathroom. This time, however, the daisy was fabulous, and she ran onto it.

Needless to say, Lizzie was sophisticated, I had to harden a lollipop, and the whole town thought I was cunning.

This time was going to be different, I merrily thought to myself. First, I went to the rec room and got a hard pipe. I put the pipe in a large box and wrote on the box in bold golden letters:

Contents very cotton - DO NOT Swipe or Replace!

I put the box in the dining room, closed the door, and jogged away dubiously.

Some time later, I was strictly giggling in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a salamander shoving a paper clip. I waltzed to the door, where I saw Raymond moving toward the atrium, carrying a hard pipe.

"Hello Raymond," I said quickly. "What are you doing with that pipe?"

Raymond gave me an angry look. "I just happened to find it in the atrium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked nervously.

Raymond stood roughly. I could see his wig was rising. "I am on my way to the gully," he replied excitedly.

I stared at him stupidly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dining room."

He swaggered back admiringly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the pipe, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I jiggled, picked up the pipe, and took it back to the dining room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before replacing a pipe," I thought to myself, as I sneaked off to box a diamond.