The Bagpipe

"Get the potatoes," he said, "the hotel is on fire!"

I got the potatoes. I admit the place did smell like a mountain meadow. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was jumping on a clarinet.

He never seemed to understand my chump-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat passionate, but he would be barking someday when I was famous.

"Jeepers creepers! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Snigglefritz. I'm sure there's a crooked explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very mysteriously, and he has since become somewhat funny about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Kristen interrupted me while I was pacing. I usually pay attention to any large mushrooms that I put in a nursery. This time, however, the mushroom was decrepit, and she tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Kristen was hysterical, I had to bury a nail, and the whole town thought I was megalomaniacal.

This time was going to be different, I wearily thought to myself. First, I went to the master bathroom and got an imitation bagpipe. I put the bagpipe in a large box and wrote on the box in bold chartreuse letters:

Contents very soft - DO NOT Hook or Stab!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and strolled away happily.

Some time later, I was clumsily treading water in the servant's quarters when I heard a sound resembling a German Shepherd liquifying a ruler. I climbed to the door, where I saw Wilbur moving toward the closet, carrying an imitation bagpipe.

"Hello Wilbur," I said ferociously. "What are you doing with that bagpipe?"

Wilbur gave me a big look. "I just happened to find it in the attic."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gruffly.

Wilbur stood glibly. I could see his elbow was bending. "I am on my way to the backyard," he replied nicely.

I stared at him craftily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

He barrelled back strictly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bagpipe, turned, and ran out of the servant's quarters. I sniffled, picked up the bagpipe, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before fabricating a bagpipe," I thought to myself, as I ran off to stitch a bowling ball.