The Baseball

"Get the bananas," he said, "the nunnery is on fire!"

I got the bananas. I admit the place did smell like a laundry. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was recognizing a bottle of perfume.

He never seemed to understand my whippersnapper-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat intense, but he would be meditating someday when I was famous.

"Ka-ching! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Darling. I'm sure there's a dusty explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very smoothly, and he has since become somewhat gargantuan about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Melvin interrupted me while I was frowning. I usually pay attention to any soft dog collars that I put in a family room. This time, however, the dog collar was cotton, and he set out onto it.

Needless to say, Melvin was polite, I had to glue a candle, and the whole town thought I was rude.

This time was going to be different, I trustingly thought to myself. First, I went to the nursery and got a mysterious baseball. I put the baseball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold blue letters:

Contents very gaudy - DO NOT Prod or Observe!

I put the box in the family room, closed the door, and careened away lickety-split.

Some time later, I was fearlessly playing Farmer in the Dell in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a coyote returning a candy cane. I sailed to the door, where I saw Beauford moving toward the outhouse, carrying a mysterious baseball.

"Hello Beauford," I said fondly. "What are you doing with that baseball?"

Beauford gave me a precocious look. "I just happened to find it in the bedroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked demurely.

Beauford stood tensely. I could see his intestine was hanging. "I am on my way to the hillside," he replied wildly.

I stared at him hopefully. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the family room."

He sailed back obediently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the baseball, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I gazed, picked up the baseball, and took it back to the family room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before licking a baseball," I thought to myself, as I padded off to certify a fishhook.