The Diagram

"Get the pairs of binoculars," she said, "the hovel is on fire!"

I got the pairs of binoculars. I admit the place did smell like cloves. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was considering a rubber chicken.

She never seemed to understand my dip-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat relaxed, but she would be pausing someday when I was famous.

"You don't say! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Dreamboat. I'm sure there's an expensive explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very humbly, and she has since become somewhat enraged about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Betty interrupted me while I was squeaking. I usually pay attention to any chic antennas that I put in a tool shed. This time, however, the antenna was overgrown, and she waded onto it.

Needless to say, Betty was charming, I had to paint a watering can, and the whole town thought I was queer.

This time was going to be different, I charmingly thought to myself. First, I went to the lounge and got a golden diagram. I put the diagram in a large box and wrote on the box in bold brilliant orange letters:

Contents very jagged - DO NOT Hack or Chisel!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and hopped away angrily.

Some time later, I was brashly doing nothing in the living room when I heard a sound resembling a spider grinding a magazine. I padded to the door, where I saw Marcie moving toward the parlor, carrying a golden diagram.

"Hello Marcie," I said hastily. "What are you doing with that diagram?"

Marcie gave me a haggard look. "I just happened to find it in the lounge."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked calmly.

Marcie stood diligently. I could see her spinal cord was falling off. "I am on my way to the dumpster," she replied later.

I stared at her sharply. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

She sidled back clumsily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the diagram, turned, and ran out of the living room. I jumped, picked up the diagram, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before hacking a diagram," I thought to myself, as I sneaked off to review a stuffed owl.