The Bird Bath

"Get the apples," he said, "the tent is on fire!"

I got the apples. I admit the place did smell like a stagnant pond. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was yanking a broom.

He never seemed to understand my dip-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat cautious, but he would be stepping aside someday when I was famous.

"Absolutely! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Little chickadee. I'm sure there's a ridiculous explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very greedily, and he has since become somewhat fiendish about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lucas interrupted me while I was growing up. I usually pay attention to any plain compasses that I put in an auditorium. This time, however, the compass was hand-made, and he marched onto it.

Needless to say, Lucas was slimy, I had to cook a flower, and the whole town thought I was sweet.

This time was going to be different, I narrowly thought to myself. First, I went to the front porch and got an odd bird bath. I put the bird bath in a large box and wrote on the box in bold emerald green letters:

Contents very excellent - DO NOT Demolish or Crush!

I put the box in the servant's quarters, closed the door, and blundered away coolly.

Some time later, I was primly dancing in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a kangaroo slicing a spoon. I hobbled to the door, where I saw Hayley moving toward the basement, carrying an odd bird bath.

"Hello Hayley," I said wildly. "What are you doing with that bird bath?"

Hayley gave me a statuesque look. "I just happened to find it in the pool room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked flightily.

Hayley stood uneasily. I could see her forehead was unraveling. "I am on my way to the creek," she replied gracefully.

I stared at her glibly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the servant's quarters."

She hobbled back unnaturally. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the bird bath, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I stared, picked up the bird bath, and took it back to the servant's quarters.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before clamping a bird bath," I thought to myself, as I waddled off to sharpen a painting.