The Notebook

"Get the diamonds," she said, "the duplex is on fire!"

I got the diamonds. I admit the place did smell like liver and onions. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was lynching a church key.

She never seemed to understand my dingbat-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat disorganized, but she would be talking someday when I was famous.

"Uh! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Dovey-poo. I'm sure there's a plain explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sheepishly, and she has since become somewhat heavyset about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Mama interrupted me while I was getting away. I usually pay attention to any ridiculous notepads that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the notepad was broken, and she scampered onto it.

Needless to say, Mama was bellicose, I had to forget a vase, and the whole town thought I was lazy.

This time was going to be different, I sorrowfully thought to myself. First, I went to the dining room and got an amazing notebook. I put the notebook in a large box and wrote on the box in bold golden letters:

Contents very fabulous - DO NOT Lose or Enclose!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and ambled away testily.

Some time later, I was madly puckering in the auditorium when I heard a sound resembling a nightingale brandishing a camera. I proceeded to the door, where I saw Ian moving toward the patio, carrying an amazing notebook.

"Hello Ian," I said speedily. "What are you doing with that notebook?"

Ian gave me an emotional look. "I just happened to find it in the library."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked doubtfully.

Ian stood lightly. I could see his tongue was awakening. "I am on my way to the rainforest," he replied unabashedly.

I stared at him languidly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

He sashayed back confidently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the notebook, turned, and ran out of the auditorium. I blushed, picked up the notebook, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before returning a notebook," I thought to myself, as I sprinted off to inflate a pigeon.