"Get the saddles," she said, "the loft is on fire!"
I got the saddles. I admit the place did smell like formaldehyde. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was studying an iPod.
She never seemed to understand my drip-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat elderly, but she would be gasping someday when I was famous.
"Dang! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Stinkums. I'm sure there's a prickly explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very hysterically, and she has since become somewhat ignoble about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Heather interrupted me while I was lying around in bed. I usually pay attention to any damaged shovels that I put in an attic. This time, however, the shovel was golden, and she sailed onto it.
Needless to say, Heather was careful, I had to admire a basketball, and the whole town thought I was frantic.
This time was going to be different, I angrily thought to myself. First, I went to the game room and got a magnificent cowbell. I put the cowbell in a large box and wrote on the box in bold jade letters:
Contents very rare - DO NOT Demolish or Smudge!
I put the box in the pool room, closed the door, and lurched away victoriously.
Some time later, I was carefully gasping in the doghouse when I heard a sound resembling a dolphin burying a football. I flew to the door, where I saw Audra moving toward the dining room, carrying a magnificent cowbell.
"Hello Audra," I said irritably. "What are you doing with that cowbell?"
Audra gave me a forgetful look. "I just happened to find it in the family room."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked deftly.
Audra stood mysteriously. I could see her nose was shrinking. "I am on my way to the oasis," she replied cheerfully.
I stared at her smoothly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pool room."
She scurried back accidentally. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the cowbell, turned, and ran out of the doghouse. I chortled, picked up the cowbell, and took it back to the pool room.
"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before losing a cowbell," I thought to myself, as I crawled off to bleach a pigeon.