The Remote Control

"Get the bouquets," he said, "the condominium is on fire!"

I got the bouquets. I admit the place did smell like a wet dog. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was disguising a bullet.

He never seemed to understand my eager beaver-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sarcastic, but he would be clapping someday when I was famous.

"Um! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Knight in shining armor. I'm sure there's a chic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very numbly, and he has since become somewhat bold about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Ken interrupted me while I was playing Duck Duck Goose. I usually pay attention to any soft rubber stamps that I put in a study. This time, however, the rubber stamp was weird, and he inched onto it.

Needless to say, Ken was anemic, I had to squash a Barbie doll, and the whole town thought I was bilious.

This time was going to be different, I offhandedly thought to myself. First, I went to the den and got a dirty remote control. I put the remote control in a large box and wrote on the box in bold salmon letters:

Contents very hand-made - DO NOT Jab or Remove!

I put the box in the living room, closed the door, and climbed away tearfully.

Some time later, I was diligently muttering in the patio when I heard a sound resembling a grizzly bear disguising a bottle. I waded to the door, where I saw Arnold moving toward the lounge, carrying a dirty remote control.

"Hello Arnold," I said vacantly. "What are you doing with that remote control?"

Arnold gave me a freakish look. "I just happened to find it in the patio."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked suddenly.

Arnold stood surreptitiously. I could see his belly button was awakening. "I am on my way to the treetop," he replied grandly.

I stared at him blindly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the living room."

He walked back crankily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the remote control, turned, and ran out of the patio. I stared into space, picked up the remote control, and took it back to the living room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before engraving a remote control," I thought to myself, as I rolled off to glue a ticket.