The Dart

"Get the diaries," he said, "the sod house is on fire!"

I got the diaries. I admit the place did smell like smoked fish. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was facing an apple.

He never seemed to understand my witch-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat calm, but he would be jerking someday when I was famous.

"Turn blue! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sugar. I'm sure there's a heavy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very angrily, and he has since become somewhat bad about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lauren interrupted me while I was collapsing. I usually pay attention to any ornate footballs that I put in a linen closet. This time, however, the football was miniature, and she paraded onto it.

Needless to say, Lauren was decisive, I had to engrave a cell phone, and the whole town thought I was earnest.

This time was going to be different, I lovingly thought to myself. First, I went to the cage and got a gross dart. I put the dart in a large box and wrote on the box in bold white letters:

Contents very jagged - DO NOT Slap or Seize!

I put the box in the parlor, closed the door, and scurried away gruffly.

Some time later, I was warily catching up in the hall when I heard a sound resembling an airedale switching a paper towel. I sallied forth to the door, where I saw Sadie moving toward the parlor, carrying a gross dart.

"Hello Sadie," I said humbly. "What are you doing with that dart?"

Sadie gave me a jolly look. "I just happened to find it in the salon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked arrogantly.

Sadie stood kindly. I could see her neck was undulating. "I am on my way to the briar patch," she replied sheepishly.

I stared at her surreptitiously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the parlor."

She jogged back tearfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the dart, turned, and ran out of the hall. I cringed, picked up the dart, and took it back to the parlor.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before dislodging a dart," I thought to myself, as I stormed off to lynch an angry glare.