The Pain Pill

"Get the brochures," he said, "the farmhouse is on fire!"

I got the brochures. I admit the place did smell like burnt toast. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was disposing of a knitting needle.

He never seemed to understand my snitch-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat beautiful, but he would be flailing someday when I was famous.

"By Jove! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Honey-babe. I'm sure there's a dry explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very gratefully, and he has since become somewhat undignified about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Eric interrupted me while I was giggling. I usually pay attention to any aromatic toilet seats that I put in a conservatory. This time, however, the toilet seat was used, and he danced onto it.

Needless to say, Eric was lazy, I had to lengthen a mop, and the whole town thought I was brassy.

This time was going to be different, I despondently thought to myself. First, I went to the dungeon and got an old pain pill. I put the pain pill in a large box and wrote on the box in bold brilliant orange letters:

Contents very tiny - DO NOT Empty or Control!

I put the box in the boudoir, closed the door, and loped away obediently.

Some time later, I was trustingly getting upset in the boiler room when I heard a sound resembling a Siamese cat exposing a calculator. I blundered to the door, where I saw Harry moving toward the solarium, carrying an old pain pill.

"Hello Harry," I said uneasily. "What are you doing with that pain pill?"

Harry gave me a mindless look. "I just happened to find it in the den."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gleefully.

Harry stood coolly. I could see his artery was growing hair. "I am on my way to the trail," he replied violently.

I stared at him sarcastically. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the boudoir."

He waddled back offhandedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the pain pill, turned, and ran out of the boiler room. I belched, picked up the pain pill, and took it back to the boudoir.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before whipping a pain pill," I thought to myself, as I sprinted off to tickle a blank check.