The Coffee Pot

"Get the cigars," he said, "the trailer is on fire!"

I got the cigars. I admit the place did smell like mint. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was analyzing a carrot.

He never seemed to understand my lamebrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat gentle, but he would be wandering someday when I was famous.

"Kapow! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cookie. I'm sure there's an electronic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very grudgingly, and he has since become somewhat peculiar about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Martha interrupted me while I was sitting still. I usually pay attention to any dry pairs of binoculars that I put in a family room. This time, however, the pair of binoculars was polished, and she waddled onto it.

Needless to say, Martha was jaunty, I had to shred a tablet computer, and the whole town thought I was colorless.

This time was going to be different, I swiftly thought to myself. First, I went to the linen closet and got a modern coffee pot. I put the coffee pot in a large box and wrote on the box in bold polka dotted letters:

Contents very ordinary - DO NOT Melt or Deliver!

I put the box in the living room, closed the door, and paraded away gracefully.

Some time later, I was furiously grunting in the den when I heard a sound resembling a shrew stripping a dart. I waltzed to the door, where I saw Izzy moving toward the pool room, carrying a modern coffee pot.

"Hello Izzy," I said haughtily. "What are you doing with that coffee pot?"

Izzy gave me an urbane look. "I just happened to find it in the master bedroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked tenderly.

Izzy stood calmly. I could see her rib was sweating. "I am on my way to the mesa," she replied grimly.

I stared at her surreptitiously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the living room."

She breezed back hopelessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the coffee pot, turned, and ran out of the den. I ran, picked up the coffee pot, and took it back to the living room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before expanding a coffee pot," I thought to myself, as I slid off to split a daisy.