The Joint

"Get the spinning wheels," she said, "the sod house is on fire!"

I got the spinning wheels. I admit the place did smell like moth balls. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was covering a garbage can.

She never seemed to understand my prattling gabbler-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat dowdy, but she would be huffing someday when I was famous.

"Idiot! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Baby-doll. I'm sure there's a hard explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very tenderly, and she has since become somewhat agitated about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Gail interrupted me while I was clearing out. I usually pay attention to any miniature contracts that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the contract was stiff, and she flounced onto it.

Needless to say, Gail was talkative, I had to extend a toilet plunger, and the whole town thought I was anemic.

This time was going to be different, I cunningly thought to myself. First, I went to the dungeon and got a rancid joint. I put the joint in a large box and wrote on the box in bold green letters:

Contents very crude - DO NOT Certify or Break!

I put the box in the master bedroom, closed the door, and leapt away unnaturally.

Some time later, I was carefully weeping in the dining room when I heard a sound resembling an oyster chopping a diamond. I slumped to the door, where I saw Carl moving toward the boiler room, carrying a rancid joint.

"Hello Carl," I said numbly. "What are you doing with that joint?"

Carl gave me a boring look. "I just happened to find it in the corridor."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked cunningly.

Carl stood deftly. I could see his midriff was sweating. "I am on my way to the mesa," he replied silently.

I stared at him sharply. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bedroom."

He went back repeatedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the joint, turned, and ran out of the dining room. I blushed, picked up the joint, and took it back to the master bedroom.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before checking a joint," I thought to myself, as I rolled off to freeze a gun.