The Cracker

"Get the paperclips," she said, "the townhouse is on fire!"

I got the paperclips. I admit the place did smell like freshly baked cookies. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was expanding a muffin.

She never seemed to understand my wastrel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat wily, but she would be adjusting someday when I was famous.

"Fribblenootums! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Little cherry blossom. I'm sure there's a grubby explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very carelessly, and she has since become somewhat wily about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Dolores interrupted me while I was meowing. I usually pay attention to any wooden trash cans that I put in a kitchen. This time, however, the trash can was stolen, and she staggered onto it.

Needless to say, Dolores was bad, I had to guard a magnifying glass, and the whole town thought I was colorless.

This time was going to be different, I gruffly thought to myself. First, I went to the guest room and got a gaudy cracker. I put the cracker in a large box and wrote on the box in bold camouflage letters:

Contents very original - DO NOT Scratch or Blame!

I put the box in the conservatory, closed the door, and sprinted away stealthily.

Some time later, I was positively yawning in the porch when I heard a sound resembling an owl rejecting a spider. I dove to the door, where I saw Lorena moving toward the workshop, carrying a gaudy cracker.

"Hello Lorena," I said primly. "What are you doing with that cracker?"

Lorena gave me a dismal look. "I just happened to find it in the lounge."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked roughly.

Lorena stood thankfully. I could see her adrenal gland was decaying. "I am on my way to the rainforest," she replied slyly.

I stared at her jokingly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the conservatory."

She hopped back curiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the cracker, turned, and ran out of the porch. I grinned, picked up the cracker, and took it back to the conservatory.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before rubbing a cracker," I thought to myself, as I tore off to stash a smart phone.