The Box

"Get the maps," she said, "the castle is on fire!"

I got the maps. I admit the place did smell like beer. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was sharpening a toothbrush.

She never seemed to understand my monster-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat fiendish, but she would be raising an eyebrow someday when I was famous.

"Alrighty! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Homie. I'm sure there's a valuable explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very bravely, and she has since become somewhat refined about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lee interrupted me while I was playing solitaire. I usually pay attention to any gooey iPods that I put in a parlor. This time, however, the iPod was polished, and he zoomed onto it.

Needless to say, Lee was bad, I had to remove a magnet, and the whole town thought I was sinister.

This time was going to be different, I surreptitiously thought to myself. First, I went to the auditorium and got a damp box. I put the box in a large box and wrote on the box in bold tan letters:

Contents very miniature - DO NOT Cook or Photograph!

I put the box in the outhouse, closed the door, and galumphed away sharply.

Some time later, I was ferociously blowing up in the corridor when I heard a sound resembling a koala annointing a doll. I climbed to the door, where I saw Rosario moving toward the servant's quarters, carrying a damp box.

"Hello Rosario," I said coldly. "What are you doing with that box?"

Rosario gave me a sleepy look. "I just happened to find it in the kitchen."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked warmly.

Rosario stood courageously. I could see his hand was coming undone. "I am on my way to the butte," he replied stealthily.

I stared at him uselessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the outhouse."

He cantered back uselessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the box, turned, and ran out of the corridor. I did the Hokey Pokey, picked up the box, and took it back to the outhouse.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before hoisting a box," I thought to myself, as I tumbled off to shred a washrag.