The Coloring Book

"Get the bottles of perfume," she said, "the junk car is on fire!"

I got the bottles of perfume. I admit the place did smell like cinnamon rolls. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was loosening a model airplane.

She never seemed to understand my boogerhead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat conceited, but she would be howling someday when I was famous.

"Crackers! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Doll. I'm sure there's a smooth explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very ferociously, and she has since become somewhat haughty about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Todd interrupted me while I was bawling. I usually pay attention to any mechanical tickets that I put in a bathroom. This time, however, the ticket was rancid, and he galloped onto it.

Needless to say, Todd was grizzled, I had to lengthen a cream puff, and the whole town thought I was exuberant.

This time was going to be different, I angrily thought to myself. First, I went to the ballroom and got a weird coloring book. I put the coloring book in a large box and wrote on the box in bold sea green letters:

Contents very worn - DO NOT Demolish or Copy!

I put the box in the master bathroom, closed the door, and swaggered away daringly.

Some time later, I was caustically getting rigid in the porch when I heard a sound resembling a pony slapping a map. I straggled to the door, where I saw Clifton moving toward the boudoir, carrying a weird coloring book.

"Hello Clifton," I said lazily. "What are you doing with that coloring book?"

Clifton gave me an ignoble look. "I just happened to find it in the pool room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked ruefully.

Clifton stood glumly. I could see his horn was vibrating. "I am on my way to the meadow," he replied effortlessly.

I stared at him bitterly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bathroom."

He careened back sagely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the coloring book, turned, and ran out of the porch. I got frazzled, picked up the coloring book, and took it back to the master bathroom.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before understanding a coloring book," I thought to myself, as I trotted off to chisel a needle and thread.