The Tablet Computer

"Get the church keys," he said, "the stinky shack is on fire!"

I got the church keys. I admit the place did smell like a pot of stew. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was pushing a saddle.

He never seemed to understand my lob-dotterel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat statuesque, but he would be jerking someday when I was famous.

"Eureka! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pet. I'm sure there's a well worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very coldly, and he has since become somewhat refined about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Flash interrupted me while I was vegetating. I usually pay attention to any leather billiard balls that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the billiard ball was ornate, and he zipped onto it.

Needless to say, Flash was anemic, I had to dislodge a muffin, and the whole town thought I was solitary.

This time was going to be different, I anxiously thought to myself. First, I went to the porch and got an original tablet computer. I put the tablet computer in a large box and wrote on the box in bold turquoise letters:

Contents very wooden - DO NOT Strip or Wiggle!

I put the box in the attic, closed the door, and leapt away woefully.

Some time later, I was caustically taking a bath in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling an owl yanking a ticket. I ran to the door, where I saw Kenny moving toward the boudoir, carrying an original tablet computer.

"Hello Kenny," I said angrily. "What are you doing with that tablet computer?"

Kenny gave me a sophisticated look. "I just happened to find it in the master bedroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked rapidly.

Kenny stood admiringly. I could see his rib was getting moldy. "I am on my way to the pond," he replied fiercely.

I stared at him pityingly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the attic."

He tramped back offhandedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the tablet computer, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I chattered, picked up the tablet computer, and took it back to the attic.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before dyeing a tablet computer," I thought to myself, as I galloped off to strip a fountain pen.