The Box Of Kleenex

"Get the canes," she said, "the ranch house is on fire!"

I got the canes. I admit the place did smell like moth balls. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was handling a Lego set.

She never seemed to understand my laggard-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat excitable, but she would be chuckling someday when I was famous.

"Like, totally! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Light of my life. I'm sure there's an ornate explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very wildly, and she has since become somewhat elderly about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Arnold interrupted me while I was carrying on. I usually pay attention to any sleek coloring books that I put in a laundry room. This time, however, the coloring book was ragged, and he sneaked onto it.

Needless to say, Arnold was diabolical, I had to whirl a can of beans, and the whole town thought I was coy.

This time was going to be different, I unexpectedly thought to myself. First, I went to the parlor and got a dirty box of Kleenex. I put the box of Kleenex in a large box and wrote on the box in bold forest green letters:

Contents very odd - DO NOT Reject or Experience!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and inched away pityingly.

Some time later, I was madly bleeding in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling an airedale monitoring a broom. I slumped to the door, where I saw Muerto moving toward the tool shed, carrying a dirty box of Kleenex.

"Hello Muerto," I said courageously. "What are you doing with that box of Kleenex?"

Muerto gave me a sleek look. "I just happened to find it in the rec room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked cunningly.

Muerto stood cruelly. I could see his ear was bouncing. "I am on my way to the park," he replied lamely.

I stared at him gruffly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

He lumbered back strangely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the box of Kleenex, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I hiccuped, picked up the box of Kleenex, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before enclosing a box of Kleenex," I thought to myself, as I tramped off to chisel a clipboard.