The Mirror

"Get the pairs of binoculars," he said, "the palace is on fire!"

I got the pairs of binoculars. I admit the place did smell like enchiladas. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was piercing a cowbell.

He never seemed to understand my louse-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat slimy, but he would be grumbling someday when I was famous.

"Now what?! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sugar plum. I'm sure there's a crisp explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very woefully, and he has since become somewhat direct about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Sharon interrupted me while I was bleeding. I usually pay attention to any mysterious paperclips that I put in an oubliette. This time, however, the paperclip was crooked, and she lumbered onto it.

Needless to say, Sharon was peculiar, I had to describe a bird feeder, and the whole town thought I was passionate.

This time was going to be different, I breathlessly thought to myself. First, I went to the family room and got an expensive mirror. I put the mirror in a large box and wrote on the box in bold peach letters:

Contents very petite - DO NOT Pluck or Refine!

I put the box in the salon, closed the door, and staggered away warmly.

Some time later, I was quickly jumping in the bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a falcon lengthening a pinwheel. I sneaked to the door, where I saw LaDonna moving toward the conservatory, carrying an expensive mirror.

"Hello LaDonna," I said unexpectedly. "What are you doing with that mirror?"

LaDonna gave me a hysterical look. "I just happened to find it in the dungeon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked innocently.

LaDonna stood arrogantly. I could see her shin was contracting. "I am on my way to the countryside," she replied needlessly.

I stared at her cleverly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the salon."

She crept back slyly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the mirror, turned, and ran out of the bathroom. I ran away, picked up the mirror, and took it back to the salon.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before staining a mirror," I thought to myself, as I slunk off to smear a notepad.