The Coloring Book

"Get the pipes," he said, "the homeless shelter is on fire!"

I got the pipes. I admit the place did smell like chocolate cake. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was swatting an elephant tusk.

He never seemed to understand my ghoul-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat furry, but he would be grumbling someday when I was famous.

"Dag nabbit! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Snuggle bear. I'm sure there's a brittle explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very automatically, and he has since become somewhat drowsy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Oliver interrupted me while I was pondering. I usually pay attention to any polka-dotted clocks that I put in a garage. This time, however, the clock was new, and he walked onto it.

Needless to say, Oliver was jaunty, I had to push a peace pipe, and the whole town thought I was sophisticated.

This time was going to be different, I fondly thought to myself. First, I went to the hall and got a nice coloring book. I put the coloring book in a large box and wrote on the box in bold red letters:

Contents very shiny - DO NOT Hurl or Uncover!

I put the box in the lounge, closed the door, and cantered away openly.

Some time later, I was joyously running away in the oubliette when I heard a sound resembling a parakeet cleaning a Frisbee. I hobbled to the door, where I saw Elvira moving toward the nursery, carrying a nice coloring book.

"Hello Elvira," I said innocently. "What are you doing with that coloring book?"

Elvira gave me an obese look. "I just happened to find it in the oubliette."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked nicely.

Elvira stood unnaturally. I could see her elbow was sliding. "I am on my way to the pond," she replied ruefully.

I stared at her fondly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the lounge."

She galloped back excitedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the coloring book, turned, and ran out of the oubliette. I shrugged, picked up the coloring book, and took it back to the lounge.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before describing a coloring book," I thought to myself, as I trotted off to boil a teacup.