The Crystal Ball

"Get the crates," he said, "the Spanish colonial is on fire!"

I got the crates. I admit the place did smell like a bakery. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was neglecting a ruler.

He never seemed to understand my blackguard-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat puzzled, but he would be expectorating someday when I was famous.

"Gadzooks! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Knight in shining armor. I'm sure there's a smelly explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very proudly, and he has since become somewhat statuesque about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Liz interrupted me while I was hanging around. I usually pay attention to any frilly saddles that I put in a boudoir. This time, however, the saddle was striking, and she breezed onto it.

Needless to say, Liz was cantankerous, I had to patch a duffel bag, and the whole town thought I was brash.

This time was going to be different, I roughly thought to myself. First, I went to the guest room and got a stuffed crystal ball. I put the crystal ball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold indigo letters:

Contents very handy - DO NOT Study or Protect!

I put the box in the pool room, closed the door, and climbed away viciously.

Some time later, I was wryly crying in the family room when I heard a sound resembling a dinosaur tweaking a calling card. I barrelled to the door, where I saw Fifi moving toward the bedroom, carrying a stuffed crystal ball.

"Hello Fifi," I said valiantly. "What are you doing with that crystal ball?"

Fifi gave me an irate look. "I just happened to find it in the guest room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked nicely.

Fifi stood woodenly. I could see her larynx was rumbling. "I am on my way to the tundra," she replied suddenly.

I stared at her patiently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pool room."

She strode back uneasily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the crystal ball, turned, and ran out of the family room. I snored, picked up the crystal ball, and took it back to the pool room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before soaking a crystal ball," I thought to myself, as I slithered off to spin a daisy.