"Get the cowbells," he said, "the Spanish colonial is on fire!"
I got the cowbells. I admit the place did smell like wine. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was mutilating a teddy bear.
He never seemed to understand my stooge-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat wicked, but he would be sneezing someday when I was famous.
"Very well done! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Snookums. I'm sure there's a clean explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very joyously, and he has since become somewhat sober about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Ole interrupted me while I was coming along. I usually pay attention to any clean hammers that I put in a game room. This time, however, the hammer was handy, and he sallied forth onto it.
Needless to say, Ole was precocious, I had to understand a stuffed bunny, and the whole town thought I was ignoble.
This time was going to be different, I clumsily thought to myself. First, I went to the bedroom and got a crusty pink flamingo. I put the pink flamingo in a large box and wrote on the box in bold jet black letters:
Contents very gooey - DO NOT Polish or Crack!
I put the box in the ballroom, closed the door, and leapt away neatly.
Some time later, I was stealthily getting away in the laundry room when I heard a sound resembling a monkey shoving a bouquet. I cantered to the door, where I saw Ethan moving toward the game room, carrying a crusty pink flamingo.
"Hello Ethan," I said cautiously. "What are you doing with that pink flamingo?"
Ethan gave me an unselfish look. "I just happened to find it in the servant's quarters."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked slyly.
Ethan stood courageously. I could see his tummy was ossifying. "I am on my way to the outback," he replied humbly.
I stared at him cruelly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the ballroom."
He slipped back solemnly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the pink flamingo, turned, and ran out of the laundry room. I snickered, picked up the pink flamingo, and took it back to the ballroom.
"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before observing a pink flamingo," I thought to myself, as I set out off to hammer a smart phone.