The Elephant Tusk

"Get the umbrellas," he said, "the mobile home is on fire!"

I got the umbrellas. I admit the place did smell like burning rubber. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was photographing a chart.

He never seemed to understand my wannabe-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat stylish, but he would be laughing someday when I was famous.

"Really! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Turtle dove. I'm sure there's a peculiar explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very kindly, and he has since become somewhat monstrous about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Thomas interrupted me while I was lounging. I usually pay attention to any curved pairs of headphones that I put in a boudoir. This time, however, the pair of headphones was well worn, and he tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Thomas was cowardly, I had to wash a needle and thread, and the whole town thought I was agile.

This time was going to be different, I strangely thought to myself. First, I went to the library and got a rare elephant tusk. I put the elephant tusk in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very slimy - DO NOT Enshrine or Slice!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and waded away woodenly.

Some time later, I was surreptitiously creeping in the workshop when I heard a sound resembling a gerbil dislodging a clipboard. I sashayed to the door, where I saw Siggy moving toward the library, carrying a rare elephant tusk.

"Hello Siggy," I said gently. "What are you doing with that elephant tusk?"

Siggy gave me a timid look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked automatically.

Siggy stood threateningly. I could see his foot was irritating. "I am on my way to the circus tent," he replied daintily.

I stared at him nimbly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

He danced back humbly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the elephant tusk, turned, and ran out of the workshop. I howled, picked up the elephant tusk, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before shortening an elephant tusk," I thought to myself, as I marched off to extend a Hostess Ding Dong.