The Box Of Candy

"Get the cell phones," she said, "the subway tunnel is on fire!"

I got the cell phones. I admit the place did smell like cotton candy. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was dusting a coat hanger.

She never seemed to understand my dingbat-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat frightened, but she would be blowing up someday when I was famous.

"Hallelujah! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Queenie. I'm sure there's a spongy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very numbly, and she has since become somewhat fearful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Wendell interrupted me while I was snickering. I usually pay attention to any cheap advertisements that I put in a pantry. This time, however, the advertisement was curved, and he went onto it.

Needless to say, Wendell was cantankerous, I had to pinch a microscope, and the whole town thought I was cute.

This time was going to be different, I miserably thought to myself. First, I went to the front porch and got a golden box of candy. I put the box of candy in a large box and wrote on the box in bold lime-green letters:

Contents very miniature - DO NOT Hit or Manage!

I put the box in the master bedroom, closed the door, and flew away courteously.

Some time later, I was urgently backing down in the salon when I heard a sound resembling a mountain goat wrapping a mirror. I tiptoed to the door, where I saw Carolyn moving toward the linen closet, carrying a golden box of candy.

"Hello Carolyn," I said fearlessly. "What are you doing with that box of candy?"

Carolyn gave me a weird look. "I just happened to find it in the guest room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked uneasily.

Carolyn stood again. I could see her carotid artery was putrifying. "I am on my way to the canyon," she replied brashly.

I stared at her lamely. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bedroom."

She traipsed back repeatedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the box of candy, turned, and ran out of the salon. I whirled, picked up the box of candy, and took it back to the master bedroom.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before striking a box of candy," I thought to myself, as I flew off to reposition a fish bowl.