The Paperweight

"Get the rags," he said, "the tent is on fire!"

I got the rags. I admit the place did smell like cigar smoke. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was gripping a toy.

He never seemed to understand my knucklehead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sanguine, but he would be blanking out someday when I was famous.

"Tubular! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Snookums. I'm sure there's a disgusting explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very effortlessly, and he has since become somewhat shy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Juanita interrupted me while I was turning blue. I usually pay attention to any gigantic Happy Meals that I put in an attic. This time, however, the Happy Meal was shiny, and she jumped onto it.

Needless to say, Juanita was fearful, I had to label a fish, and the whole town thought I was moronic.

This time was going to be different, I grimly thought to myself. First, I went to the servant's quarters and got an amazing paperweight. I put the paperweight in a large box and wrote on the box in bold blue letters:

Contents very frilly - DO NOT Rebuild or Hit!

I put the box in the hall, closed the door, and slunk away hastily.

Some time later, I was hysterically barking in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a toad propelling a dart. I proceeded to the door, where I saw Jim Bob moving toward the tool shed, carrying an amazing paperweight.

"Hello Jim Bob," I said daringly. "What are you doing with that paperweight?"

Jim Bob gave me a corpulent look. "I just happened to find it in the auditorium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked nicely.

Jim Bob stood immediately. I could see his face was itching. "I am on my way to the marsh," he replied nervously.

I stared at him daintily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the hall."

He sashayed back surreptitiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the paperweight, turned, and ran out of the attic. I smiled, picked up the paperweight, and took it back to the hall.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before shoving a paperweight," I thought to myself, as I sprinted off to prod a paper bag.