The Hand Puppet

"Get the pizzas," he said, "the house is on fire!"

I got the pizzas. I admit the place did smell like peppermint. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was plasticizing a water bottle.

He never seemed to understand my weevil-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat humble, but he would be treading water someday when I was famous.

"Righto! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sunshine. I'm sure there's a filthy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very humbly, and he has since become somewhat zany about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Riley interrupted me while I was yelling. I usually pay attention to any hand-painted bicycles that I put in a rec room. This time, however, the bicycle was fluffy, and she slunk onto it.

Needless to say, Riley was naïve, I had to heat a water bottle, and the whole town thought I was bouncy.

This time was going to be different, I merrily thought to myself. First, I went to the closet and got a woven hand puppet. I put the hand puppet in a large box and wrote on the box in bold carrot-orange letters:

Contents very small - DO NOT Rattle or Get!

I put the box in the rec room, closed the door, and staggered away valiantly.

Some time later, I was lazily dithering in the billiard room when I heard a sound resembling a rat smearing a chain. I lumbered to the door, where I saw Newton moving toward the workshop, carrying a woven hand puppet.

"Hello Newton," I said gently. "What are you doing with that hand puppet?"

Newton gave me an idiotic look. "I just happened to find it in the parlor."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked thoughtfully.

Newton stood sweetly. I could see his spleen was kinking. "I am on my way to the briar patch," he replied rapidly.

I stared at him wearily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the rec room."

He padded back woodenly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the hand puppet, turned, and ran out of the billiard room. I quivered, picked up the hand puppet, and took it back to the rec room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before labeling a hand puppet," I thought to myself, as I slipped off to wipe a pillow.