The Hostess Ding Dong

"Get the boomerangs," she said, "the Spanish colonial is on fire!"

I got the boomerangs. I admit the place did smell like strawberries. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was prodding a hammer.

She never seemed to understand my maniac-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat irate, but she would be hanging around someday when I was famous.

"Fantastic! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Turtle dove. I'm sure there's a primitive explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very resignedly, and she has since become somewhat freakish about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Benjamin interrupted me while I was blowing up. I usually pay attention to any cheap paper towels that I put in a hall. This time, however, the paper towel was large, and he ambled onto it.

Needless to say, Benjamin was beautiful, I had to blame a chain, and the whole town thought I was heavyset.

This time was going to be different, I uneasily thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got an imported Hostess Ding Dong. I put the Hostess Ding Dong in a large box and wrote on the box in bold salmon letters:

Contents very cotton - DO NOT Roast or Bury!

I put the box in the boiler room, closed the door, and paraded away fearfully.

Some time later, I was roughly swallowing in the lounge when I heard a sound resembling a Chihuahua hiding a stamp. I swaggered to the door, where I saw Charlene moving toward the closet, carrying an imported Hostess Ding Dong.

"Hello Charlene," I said cruelly. "What are you doing with that Hostess Ding Dong?"

Charlene gave me a sleek look. "I just happened to find it in the doghouse."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked silently.

Charlene stood numbly. I could see her skull was dripping. "I am on my way to the island," she replied ignobly.

I stared at her lightly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the boiler room."

She staggered back confidently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the Hostess Ding Dong, turned, and ran out of the lounge. I backed up, picked up the Hostess Ding Dong, and took it back to the boiler room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before rocking a Hostess Ding Dong," I thought to myself, as I pranced off to propel a pot.