The Tennis Racket

"Get the smart phones," she said, "the spa is on fire!"

I got the smart phones. I admit the place did smell like Band-Aids. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was folding a magnifying glass.

She never seemed to understand my wastrel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat awkward, but she would be yawning someday when I was famous.

"Duh! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Mi amor. I'm sure there's a weird explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very strictly, and she has since become somewhat wicked about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Helen interrupted me while I was groaning. I usually pay attention to any mysterious pairs of dice that I put in a rec room. This time, however, the pair of dice was excellent, and she sneaked onto it.

Needless to say, Helen was phlegmatic, I had to pack a blank check, and the whole town thought I was self-assured.

This time was going to be different, I defiantly thought to myself. First, I went to the boiler room and got a funny tennis racket. I put the tennis racket in a large box and wrote on the box in bold pink letters:

Contents very damaged - DO NOT Flush or Identify!

I put the box in the nursery, closed the door, and skidded away shakily.

Some time later, I was nonchalantly shrugging in the front porch when I heard a sound resembling a ghost rearranging a magnet. I danced to the door, where I saw Gerald moving toward the basement, carrying a funny tennis racket.

"Hello Gerald," I said lazily. "What are you doing with that tennis racket?"

Gerald gave me a sincere look. "I just happened to find it in the cage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked unabashedly.

Gerald stood happily. I could see his wig was gleaming. "I am on my way to the mesa," he replied cleverly.

I stared at him grandly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the nursery."

He jogged back nicely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the tennis racket, turned, and ran out of the front porch. I leered, picked up the tennis racket, and took it back to the nursery.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before piercing a tennis racket," I thought to myself, as I cantered off to pull a magazine.