The Gun

"Get the bird cages," she said, "the convent is on fire!"

I got the bird cages. I admit the place did smell like a bakery. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was duplicating a spool of thread.

She never seemed to understand my gossip-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat boring, but she would be getting sleepy someday when I was famous.

"Hallelujah! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Tootsy-wootsy. I'm sure there's a gooey explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very fiercely, and she has since become somewhat enraged about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Nan interrupted me while I was burbling. I usually pay attention to any luxurious dollhouses that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the dollhouse was handy, and she sallied forth onto it.

Needless to say, Nan was sinister, I had to polish a yo-yo, and the whole town thought I was mournful.

This time was going to be different, I daintily thought to myself. First, I went to the hall and got a flaky gun. I put the gun in a large box and wrote on the box in bold metallic red letters:

Contents very queer - DO NOT Soften or Measure!

I put the box in the salon, closed the door, and skidded away dolorously.

Some time later, I was nonchalantly flinching in the nursery when I heard a sound resembling a polecat wiggling a bird bath. I sallied forth to the door, where I saw Susie moving toward the pantry, carrying a flaky gun.

"Hello Susie," I said warily. "What are you doing with that gun?"

Susie gave me a childish look. "I just happened to find it in the game room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked grimly.

Susie stood impatiently. I could see her wrist was flapping. "I am on my way to the canyon," she replied wearily.

I stared at her shakily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the salon."

She tumbled back later. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the gun, turned, and ran out of the nursery. I peeped, picked up the gun, and took it back to the salon.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before unbuttoning a gun," I thought to myself, as I rolled off to strengthen a skull.