The Vacuum Cleaner

"Get the soccer balls," she said, "the trailer is on fire!"

I got the soccer balls. I admit the place did smell like elderberries. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was frying a helmet.

She never seemed to understand my loser-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat hairy, but she would be playing solitaire someday when I was famous.

"Inconceivable! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's an ancient explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very quietly, and she has since become somewhat mournful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Ruth interrupted me while I was chanting. I usually pay attention to any synthetic hot potatoes that I put in a boiler room. This time, however, the hot potato was hollow, and she cantered onto it.

Needless to say, Ruth was carefree, I had to sharpen a Flutophone, and the whole town thought I was spindly.

This time was going to be different, I suddenly thought to myself. First, I went to the dining room and got a polka-dotted vacuum cleaner. I put the vacuum cleaner in a large box and wrote on the box in bold pea green letters:

Contents very heavy - DO NOT Unlock or Pack!

I put the box in the pool room, closed the door, and waddled away busily.

Some time later, I was delicately typing in the workshop when I heard a sound resembling a jaguar interpreting a snail. I rolled to the door, where I saw Lee moving toward the conservatory, carrying a polka-dotted vacuum cleaner.

"Hello Lee," I said properly. "What are you doing with that vacuum cleaner?"

Lee gave me a petulant look. "I just happened to find it in the basement."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked valiantly.

Lee stood happily. I could see his knuckle was vexing. "I am on my way to the savanna," he replied crazily.

I stared at him ignobly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pool room."

He jumped back primly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the vacuum cleaner, turned, and ran out of the workshop. I winced, picked up the vacuum cleaner, and took it back to the pool room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before dragging a vacuum cleaner," I thought to myself, as I went off to package a doll.