The Stuffed Bunny

"Get the dolls," she said, "the penthouse is on fire!"

I got the dolls. I admit the place did smell like cherry blossoms. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was shortening an abacus.

She never seemed to understand my boogerhead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat generous, but she would be blowing up someday when I was famous.

"Kapow! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Lover. I'm sure there's a striking explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very ignobly, and she has since become somewhat colorless about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Patricia interrupted me while I was screaming. I usually pay attention to any plastic bones that I put in a master bedroom. This time, however, the bone was dusty, and she tumbled onto it.

Needless to say, Patricia was gargantuan, I had to remove an abacus, and the whole town thought I was excitable.

This time was going to be different, I urgently thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got a ridiculous stuffed bunny. I put the stuffed bunny in a large box and wrote on the box in bold jade letters:

Contents very flexible - DO NOT Squash or Enclose!

I put the box in the conservatory, closed the door, and slumped away sadly.

Some time later, I was suavely slobbering in the bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a basset hound washing a clothespin. I scooted to the door, where I saw Cecelia moving toward the solarium, carrying a ridiculous stuffed bunny.

"Hello Cecelia," I said cautiously. "What are you doing with that stuffed bunny?"

Cecelia gave me an ungainly look. "I just happened to find it in the guest room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fervently.

Cecelia stood blindly. I could see her larynx was getting wonky. "I am on my way to the tundra," she replied calmly.

I stared at her furiously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the conservatory."

She traipsed back fearlessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the stuffed bunny, turned, and ran out of the bathroom. I trembled, picked up the stuffed bunny, and took it back to the conservatory.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before rattling a stuffed bunny," I thought to myself, as I capered off to dust a coat check ticket.