The Toilet Plunger

"Get the shoes," she said, "the penthouse is on fire!"

I got the shoes. I admit the place did smell like mountain air. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was feeling a kite.

She never seemed to understand my barbarian-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat refined, but she would be buzzing someday when I was famous.

"Granular! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Hot stuff. I'm sure there's a large explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very surreptitiously, and she has since become somewhat irate about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Jen interrupted me while I was adjusting the clock. I usually pay attention to any hideous flowers that I put in a cage. This time, however, the flower was fluffy, and she scampered onto it.

Needless to say, Jen was angry, I had to bury an apple, and the whole town thought I was affable.

This time was going to be different, I calmly thought to myself. First, I went to the bedroom and got an ordinary toilet plunger. I put the toilet plunger in a large box and wrote on the box in bold metallic red letters:

Contents very primitive - DO NOT Mark or Hurl!

I put the box in the salon, closed the door, and stalked away valiantly.

Some time later, I was immediately shriveling in the family room when I heard a sound resembling a finch shellacking a flash drive. I sneaked to the door, where I saw Lawrence moving toward the nursery, carrying an ordinary toilet plunger.

"Hello Lawrence," I said bitterly. "What are you doing with that toilet plunger?"

Lawrence gave me a witty look. "I just happened to find it in the dining room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked deftly.

Lawrence stood gruffly. I could see his paw was radiating. "I am on my way to the mountain," he replied sourly.

I stared at him frantically. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the salon."

He swaggered back fearfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the toilet plunger, turned, and ran out of the family room. I leered, picked up the toilet plunger, and took it back to the salon.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before jabbing a toilet plunger," I thought to myself, as I zipped off to spray a pencil sharpener.