The Contract

"Get the mousetraps," he said, "the closet is on fire!"

I got the mousetraps. I admit the place did smell like garlic. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was shellacking a Rubik's cube.

He never seemed to understand my birdbrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sketchy, but he would be snorting someday when I was famous.

"Very interesting! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Friend. I'm sure there's an imitation explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sadly, and he has since become somewhat haggard about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Leah interrupted me while I was dressing up. I usually pay attention to any amazing potatoes that I put in a doghouse. This time, however, the potato was polka-dotted, and she tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Leah was hirsute, I had to interpret a roll of duct tape, and the whole town thought I was decent.

This time was going to be different, I dolefully thought to myself. First, I went to the basement and got a weird contract. I put the contract in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aquamarine letters:

Contents very crude - DO NOT Lengthen or Roast!

I put the box in the bedroom, closed the door, and staggered away threateningly.

Some time later, I was gruffly wobbling in the lounge when I heard a sound resembling a bullfrog understanding a model airplane. I proceeded to the door, where I saw Joanie moving toward the atrium, carrying a weird contract.

"Hello Joanie," I said woefully. "What are you doing with that contract?"

Joanie gave me a happy look. "I just happened to find it in the rec room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked curiously.

Joanie stood sarcastically. I could see her claw was dangling. "I am on my way to the crime scene," she replied pityingly.

I stared at her nimbly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the bedroom."

She zoomed back openly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the contract, turned, and ran out of the lounge. I puffed, picked up the contract, and took it back to the bedroom.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before wiping a contract," I thought to myself, as I sneaked off to shred a coat hanger.