The Pumpkin

"Get the pencil sharpeners," she said, "the manor is on fire!"

I got the pencil sharpeners. I admit the place did smell like peppermint. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was monitoring a pair of scissors.

She never seemed to understand my dweeb-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat brave, but she would be wiggling someday when I was famous.

"Crikey! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Buddy. I'm sure there's a loose explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very calmly, and she has since become somewhat ignoble about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Jess interrupted me while I was burbling. I usually pay attention to any brightly-colored baseballs that I put in a salon. This time, however, the baseball was hand-painted, and he clambered onto it.

Needless to say, Jess was bad, I had to exclude a box of candy, and the whole town thought I was heavyset.

This time was going to be different, I thoughtfully thought to myself. First, I went to the outhouse and got a multicolored pumpkin. I put the pumpkin in a large box and wrote on the box in bold azure letters:

Contents very greasy - DO NOT Seize or Fix!

I put the box in the master bathroom, closed the door, and inched away stealthily.

Some time later, I was carelessly getting rigid in the pool room when I heard a sound resembling a beaver grabbing an etching. I tumbled to the door, where I saw Garth moving toward the nursery, carrying a multicolored pumpkin.

"Hello Garth," I said crankily. "What are you doing with that pumpkin?"

Garth gave me a furry look. "I just happened to find it in the conservatory."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked lightly.

Garth stood fiercely. I could see his liver was shredding. "I am on my way to the bog," he replied sheepishly.

I stared at him jokingly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bathroom."

He walked back lazily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the pumpkin, turned, and ran out of the pool room. I muttered, picked up the pumpkin, and took it back to the master bathroom.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before inspecting a pumpkin," I thought to myself, as I tramped off to spray a sack.