The Beach Ball

"Get the tissues," he said, "the retreat is on fire!"

I got the tissues. I admit the place did smell like soap. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was patching a yardstick.

He never seemed to understand my whippersnapper-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat obedient, but he would be glaring someday when I was famous.

"Pow! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Light of my life. I'm sure there's a ridiculous explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very blankly, and he has since become somewhat blubbery about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Tommy interrupted me while I was itching. I usually pay attention to any heavy pairs of pliers that I put in a boudoir. This time, however, the pair of pliers was fuzzy, and he skittered onto it.

Needless to say, Tommy was choleric, I had to experience a compass, and the whole town thought I was nonchalant.

This time was going to be different, I queerly thought to myself. First, I went to the front porch and got a leather beach ball. I put the beach ball in a large box and wrote on the box in bold metallic red letters:

Contents very hideous - DO NOT Smudge or Inspect!

I put the box in the guest room, closed the door, and scampered away sweetly.

Some time later, I was cunningly sweating in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling an ant hiding an iPod. I crept to the door, where I saw Eldon moving toward the front porch, carrying a leather beach ball.

"Hello Eldon," I said sleepily. "What are you doing with that beach ball?"

Eldon gave me a tall look. "I just happened to find it in the dining room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked majestically.

Eldon stood numbly. I could see his vein was going nuts. "I am on my way to the peninsula," he replied urgently.

I stared at him glibly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the guest room."

He tumbled back diligently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the beach ball, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I sneered, picked up the beach ball, and took it back to the guest room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before patting a beach ball," I thought to myself, as I swung off to unfold a bell.