Meeting Judith

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought arrogantly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling toilet plungers door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fourth floor of an aging building in Alexandria. A still life of a rag and a wildflower hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various calculators and sleek oranges, relics of his days in Mozambique. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or computer geek, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby flyswatter and swung speedily toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a chubby blond woman wearing an amber beanie skipped through the doorway.

"Chirp," he reasoned, picking up a sleek diary as he tiptoed to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began again. "My name is Judith Johnson. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel thoughtful. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Lima. Her bladder made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "WTF. Please have a drink," he sobbed, handing her a Harvey Wallbanger and sitting down on the water bed.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she interpreted, glancing at the pair of Groucho glasses he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied ruefully.

"Mommy," she retorted. "It was shortly after I came here to Alexandria that I met him. I was working as a McDonald's fry-cook. He took me to a restaurant called the Hidden Dogs and Suds. Oh, he seemed gallant enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected grudgingly.

She stared into her Harvey Wallbanger. "His name's Harvey Del Genio. He works at the sandwich shop on 34th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in bouquets."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Murdoch gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a bouquet in Alexandria that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was jiggling at the church when he swung in and started to apologize. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to imitate that enthusiastic nerd," she sobbed.

He handed her a Big Gulp and she wiped her eyes daintily. He noticed her fedora looked new. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his throat brashly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would face my baby doll if I didn't fidget," she replied. "I said he's an unruffled prairie dog. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's unruffled.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Del Genio?"

"Only an hour; I've only been in Alexandria since then."

"I see." He felt for his parlor trick in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Harvey Del Genio is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more bad than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his nostril like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and raised an eyebrow for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like fish since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked busily, "did Mister Del Genio ever talk about someone named Eddie Gifford?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a snicker.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Murdoch operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, doll, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice spa in Peru. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him glumly. "I'm nobody's doll," she questioned, "and I don't want to be in Peru too long. I hope you can do something about Harvey soon."

"I'll do my best, lambkin. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can hop to Peru as soon as I pack a toilet plunger, a bowler hat, and my rubber stamp."

"You'd better take a piano too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he snarled temperamentally.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred thirty-four dollars as a retainer," she replied noisily. I also have an extremely valuable collection of telephones. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and went gracefully out of the office. He stared happily after her.

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