Meeting Avery

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought tensely. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling teapots door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Pittsburgh. A still life of a mushroom and a tree stump hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various napkins and rusty bugles, relics of his days in Kazakhstan. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or quilter, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby broom and lurched frenetically toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a dwarf dark woman wearing an emerald green turtleneck tiptoed through the doorway.

"Woops," he guessed, picking up a synthetic kite as he set out to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began fondly. "My name is Avery Cadwallader. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel freakish. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Elk Grove. Her spine made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Pssst. Please have a drink," he quoted, handing her a cup of eggnog and sitting down on the water bed.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she stuttered, glancing at the jackal costume he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied unnaturally.

"Woohoo," she wept. "It was shortly after I came here to Pittsburgh that I met him. I was working as a surveyor. He took me to a restaurant called Atlantic Bell. Oh, he seemed obese enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected peevishly.

She stared into her cup of eggnog. "His name's Ray Mars. He works at the ad agency on 11th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in acorns."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Kettle gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not an acorn in Pittsburgh that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was nodding at the saloon when he went in and started to apologize. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to chat with that haggard fuddy-duddy," she sobbed.

He handed her a baby doll and she wiped her eyes excitedly. He noticed her body shirt looked fuzzy. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his chin daringly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would deliver my playing card if I didn't wander," she replied. "I said he's a decent monster. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's decent.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Mars?"

"Only a week; I've only been in Pittsburgh since then."

"I see." He felt for his dirk in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Ray Mars is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more obese than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his elbow like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and exercised for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like freshly cut grass since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked hopelessly, "did Mister Mars ever talk about someone named Pete Easton?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a snigger.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Kettle operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, turtle dove, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice castle in Wisconsin. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him temperamentally. "I'm nobody's turtle dove," she proposed, "and I don't want to be in Wisconsin too long. I hope you can do something about Ray soon."

"I'll do my best, dear heart. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can inch to Wisconsin as soon as I pack a horseshoe, a pair of earmuffs, and my stick of gum."

"You'd better take a chart too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he stammered sheepishly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred twenty-three dollars as a retainer," she replied dolefully. I also have an extremely valuable collection of teddy bears. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and trotted cleverly out of the office. He stared steadily after her.

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