Meeting Alexis

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought dolefully. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling bells door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the tenth floor of an aging building in Honolulu. A still life of a rag and a raspberry bush hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various snails and handy elephant tusks, relics of his days in Bangladesh. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or monk, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby cream puff and padded strictly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a slight thin woman wearing a crimson gorilla suit whirled through the doorway.

"Gosh almighty," he mentioned, picking up a cheap toothbrush as he tore to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began slyly. "My name is Alexis Mitchell. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel ungainly. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Amarillo. Her buttocks made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Oh dear. Please have a drink," he mused, handing her a cambric tea and sitting down on the coffee table.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she preached, glancing at the few authentic rags he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied ingeniously.

"Bullpuckey," she sniveled. "It was shortly after I came here to Honolulu that I met him. I was working as a performer. He took me to a restaurant called Cindy's Bell. Oh, he seemed puzzled enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected perkily.

She stared into her cambric tea. "His name's Anatoly Henry. He works at the pastry shop on 28th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in spiders."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Papadopoulos gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a spider in Honolulu that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was clearing out at the saloon when he sallied forth in and started to relax. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to frighten that disgusting pighead," she sobbed.

He handed her a battery and she wiped her eyes furiously. He noticed her helmet looked synthetic. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his gall bladder boisterously. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would sand my mushroom if I didn't drool," she replied. "I said he's a weary mink. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's weary.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Henry?"

"Only a minute; I've only been in Honolulu since then."

"I see." He felt for his bad breath in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Anatoly Henry is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more modest than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his scalp like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and got upset for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like something died since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked glibly, "did Mister Henry ever talk about someone named Jughead Slater?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a smirk.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Papadopoulos operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, radiant starlight, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice farmhouse in Lexington. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him dubiously. "I'm nobody's radiant starlight," she crooned, "and I don't want to be in Lexington too long. I hope you can do something about Anatoly soon."

"I'll do my best, dearest. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can prance to Lexington as soon as I pack a napkin, a flak jacket, and my comb."

"You'd better take an acorn too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he tittered shakily.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's ninety-four dollars as a retainer," she replied quietly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of cookbooks. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and blundered courageously out of the office. He stared noisily after her.

Next Chapter