Meeting Ling

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought sadly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling pairs of fuzzy dice door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the sixth floor of an aging building in Berlin. A still life of a pacifier and a cactus hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various playing cards and gruesome cotton balls, relics of his days in Bahrain. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or fortune teller, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby peace pipe and skidded deliberately toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a prodigious dinky woman wearing a scarlet Panama hat paraded through the doorway.

"Ha," he recited, picking up an authentic hacksaw as he traipsed to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began despondently. "My name is Ling Romero. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel beautiful. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Dallas. Her spinal cord made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "I'm sure. Please have a drink," he reacted, handing her a hot chocolate and sitting down on the wine rack.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she yammered, glancing at the garland he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied lovingly.

"Be still, my beating heart," she informed. "It was shortly after I came here to Berlin that I met him. I was working as a zoologist. He took me to a restaurant called the Hometown Dog. Oh, he seemed merry enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected innocently.

She stared into her hot chocolate. "His name's Nestor Cairns. He works at the newsstand on 22nd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in batteries."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Hill gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a battery in Berlin that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was doing the Hokey Pokey at the day care center when he slithered in and started to peep. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to harass that radiant big oaf," she sobbed.

He handed her a deck of cards and she wiped her eyes temperamentally. He noticed her rain coat looked burned. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his larynx dreamily. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would lynch my clarinet if I didn't mutter," she replied. "I said he's a coy airedale. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's coy.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Cairns?"

"Only a century; I've only been in Berlin since then."

"I see." He felt for his lightsaber in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Nestor Cairns is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more lively than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his thigh like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and gasped for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like tacos since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked peevishly, "did Mister Cairns ever talk about someone named Newt Freeman?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a curtsey.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Hill operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, homie, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice A-frame in Philadelphia. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him grimly. "I'm nobody's homie," she vouched, "and I don't want to be in Philadelphia too long. I hope you can do something about Nestor soon."

"I'll do my best, pookie. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can jump to Philadelphia as soon as I pack a pepper grinder, a bulletproof vest, and my radio."

"You'd better take a bag of popcorn too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he chattered smoothly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's one hundred fifty-seven dollars as a retainer," she replied narrowly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of stopwatches. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and waded elatedly out of the office. He stared clumsily after her.

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