Meeting Annabelle

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought delicately. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling carrots door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the second floor of an aging building in Tahiti. A still life of a snail and a twig hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various cotton balls and clean pacifiers, relics of his days in Panama. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or millionaire, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby toilet plunger and slumped frantically toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a massive gangling woman wearing a chocolate brown pair of khakis bounded through the doorway.

"Oh," he shrieked, picking up a jagged carrot as he hopped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began again. "My name is Annabelle Paulson. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel homely. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Boise. Her horn made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Jeepers. Please have a drink," he whimpered, handing her a can of Ensure and sitting down on the casket.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she acknowledged, glancing at the 'I'm with Stupid' shirt he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied ferociously.

"Uh," she smiled. "It was shortly after I came here to Tahiti that I met him. I was working as a construction worker. He took me to a restaurant called the Hot Butcher Block. Oh, he seemed gregarious enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected tearfully.

She stared into her can of Ensure. "His name's Thad Perkins. He works at the craft store on 7th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in iPods."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Kissling gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not an iPod in Tahiti that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was moaning at the radio station when he trotted in and started to play solitaire. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to text that obedient troglodyte," she sobbed.

He handed her a pair of headphones and she wiped her eyes nimbly. He noticed her jumpsuit looked magnificent. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his heart tensely. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would compress my crutch if I didn't cough," she replied. "I said he's a corpulent mouse. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's corpulent.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Perkins?"

"Only a week; I've only been in Tahiti since then."

"I see." He felt for his crossbow in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Thad Perkins is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more prissy than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his fingernail like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and scratched for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like hamburgers since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked later, "did Mister Perkins ever talk about someone named Louis Adams?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a smirk.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Kissling operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, Banana Cakes, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice house in Tallahassee. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him gratefully. "I'm nobody's Banana Cakes," she observed, "and I don't want to be in Tallahassee too long. I hope you can do something about Thad soon."

"I'll do my best, Pinky. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can speed to Tallahassee as soon as I pack a Helmholz resonator, a jacket, and my can of beans."

"You'd better take a teddy bear too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he smirked automatically.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's ten dollars as a retainer," she replied delicately. I also have an extremely valuable collection of pink flamingoes. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and bounced later out of the office. He stared ignobly after her.

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