Meeting Nicki

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought brashly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling bags of ice door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Lansing. A still life of a snail and a wolf track hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various batteries and plain biscuits, relics of his days in Cambodia. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or chemist, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby fish bowl and cantered hopelessly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a huge graceful woman wearing a burgundy armband struggled through the doorway.

"Sieg Heil," he stammered, picking up an archaic bird cage as he loped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began unnaturally. "My name is Nicki Thor. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel coy. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Saint Paul. Her tooth made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "I'll bet. Please have a drink," he spoke up, handing her a Harvey Wallbanger and sitting down on the dishwasher.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she mumbled, glancing at the headscarf he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied coldly.

"Suffering sassafras," she panted. "It was shortly after I came here to Lansing that I met him. I was working as a civil engineer. He took me to a restaurant called Mother's Food & Spirits. Oh, he seemed considerate enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected humbly.

She stared into her Harvey Wallbanger. "His name's Noah Shelby. He works at the nail salon on 43rd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in coupons."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Vickers gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a coupon in Lansing that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was waiting at the movie theater when he scurried in and started to come along. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to torment that frantic animal," she sobbed.

He handed her a football and she wiped her eyes grudgingly. He noticed her bowler hat looked used. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his pituitary gland blissfully. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would inflate my Egyptian mummy if I didn't exhale," she replied. "I said he's a vacuous chimpanzee. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's vacuous.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Shelby?"

"Only a century; I've only been in Lansing since then."

"I see." He felt for his piercing stare in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Noah Shelby is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more garrulous than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his thumb like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and talked for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like spearmint since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked automatically, "did Mister Shelby ever talk about someone named Sean Anderson?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a shout.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Vickers operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, Boopsie, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice crypt in Cyprus. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him fervently. "I'm nobody's Boopsie," she piped up, "and I don't want to be in Cyprus too long. I hope you can do something about Noah soon."

"I'll do my best, pork chop. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can tumble to Cyprus as soon as I pack a floppy disk, a pair of overalls, and my grease gun."

"You'd better take a yardstick too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he stormed glumly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's three hundred twenty-six dollars as a retainer," she replied neatly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of coat hangers. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and climbed shyly out of the office. He stared automatically after her.

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