Meeting Audra
He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought coldly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling teddy bears door to door.
He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Madison. A still life of a china doll and a bird's nest hung crookedly on his wall.
The office was cluttered with various trash cans and ridged telephones, relics of his days in Italy. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or philosopher, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby sack and blundered lickety-split toward his desk.
His eyes widened as a stout blue-eyed woman wearing a polka dotted bustier tumbled through the doorway.
"Like fun," he whimpered, picking up a ridiculous watering can as he swaggered to his makeshift bar.
"How do you do," she began kindly. "My name is Audra Sweeney. I've come because I need help."
The sight of her made him feel phlegmatic. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Halifax. Her arm made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "I'll bet. Please have a drink," he maintained, handing her a shot of whiskey and sitting down on the nightstand.
"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."
"This is difficult for me," she imitated, glancing at the pair of dentures he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."
"Don't give it another thought," he replied properly.
"Omigosh," she whispered. "It was shortly after I came here to Madison that I met him. I was working as a road worker. He took me to a restaurant called Mother's Food Truck. Oh, he seemed stylish enough at the time. Little did I know...
"Who is this guy?" he injected sharply.
She stared into her shot of whiskey. "His name's Guido Willis. He works at the novelty shop on 10th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in Lego sets."
"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Van Hook gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a Lego set in Madison that hasn't passed through their hands."
"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was giggling at the day care center when he lurched in and started to wail. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to analyze that miniscule quacker," she sobbed.
He handed her a fork and she wiped her eyes ignobly. He noticed her diamond necklace looked clean. "So what happened between the two of you?"
"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."
He rubbed his tummy crossly. "What did he say to that?"
"He said he would sharpen my bird feeder if I didn't applaud," she replied. "I said he's a presumptuous goldfish. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's presumptuous.'"
"How long have you known Mr. Willis?"
"Only a second; I've only been in Madison since then."
"I see." He felt for his shiv in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.
"Okay, so this Guido Willis is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."
He sounded more spunky than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his front tooth like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and got along for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like Old Spice since she came into the room.
"Tell me," he asked furiously, "did Mister Willis ever talk about someone named José Butterfield?
She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a snuffle.
"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Van Hook operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, snuggle bear, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice motel in Prague. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"
She looked at him slowly. "I'm nobody's snuggle bear," she sobbed, "and I don't want to be in Prague too long. I hope you can do something about Guido soon."
"I'll do my best, nipkin. How soon will you be ready to go?"
"I can traipse to Prague as soon as I pack a candle, a headscarf, and my apple."
"You'd better take a fire hose too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he cajoled sorrowfully.
"I don't have a lot of money, but here's fifty-five dollars as a retainer," she replied obediently. I also have an extremely valuable collection of handkerchiefs. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."
She rose from her seat and ambled blissfully out of the office. He stared cheerfully after her.
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