Meeting Charlene

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought arrogantly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling bags of groceries door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the second floor of an aging building in Malaysia. A still life of a dollhouse and a wolf track hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various footballs and damp coupons, relics of his days in Uganda. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or bullfighter, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby ice cream cone and lumbered cleverly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a potbellied sorrowful woman wearing a pea green pair of tights clambered through the doorway.

"Weird," he implored, picking up a gleaming bouquet as he barrelled to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began softly. "My name is Charlene Weiss. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel enraged. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Nairobi. Her knuckle made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Shucks. Please have a drink," he lectured, handing her a secret potion and sitting down on the wine rack.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she preached, glancing at the G-string he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied silently.

"Castor and Pollux! Blow me to Bermuda," she begged. "It was shortly after I came here to Malaysia that I met him. I was working as a dentist. He took me to a restaurant called Taiwan Emporium. Oh, he seemed angry enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected fiercely.

She stared into her secret potion. "His name's Henry White. He works at the supermarket on 47th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in pillows."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Knight gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a pillow in Malaysia that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was resting at the school cafeteria when he loped in and started to flinch. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to stop that gallant imbecile," she sobbed.

He handed her a billfold and she wiped her eyes furiously. He noticed her ski mask looked thick. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his hand accidentally. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would close my chair if I didn't whirl," she replied. "I said he's a fascinating louse. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's fascinating.'"

"How long have you known Mr. White?"

"Only a month; I've only been in Malaysia since then."

"I see." He felt for his syringe in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Henry White is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more affable than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his artery like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and meowed for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like road kill since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked boldly, "did Mister White ever talk about someone named John Washington?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a honk.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Knight operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, toots, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice hovel in Monaco. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him frenetically. "I'm nobody's toots," she croaked, "and I don't want to be in Monaco too long. I hope you can do something about Henry soon."

"I'll do my best, honey-pie. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can hobble to Monaco as soon as I pack a Happy Meal, a shawl, and my tube of glue."

"You'd better take a blank check too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he thought happily.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's one hundred seventeen dollars as a retainer," she replied crossly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of Bibles. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and slumped shakily out of the office. He stared wryly after her.

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