Meeting Andie

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought defiantly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling cans of beer door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the second floor of an aging building in Fort Worth. A still life of a coloring book and a mushroom hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various pigeons and crude ashtrays, relics of his days in Nicaragua. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or stunt performer, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby piano and struggled stupidly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a well-formed curvy woman wearing a purple ponytail darted through the doorway.

"Gads," he concluded, picking up a bronze radio as he ambled to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began frenetically. "My name is Andie Koch. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel jaunty. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Baghdad. Her mouth made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Aaack. Please have a drink," he worried, handing her a cup of eggnog and sitting down on the umbrella stand.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she disputed, glancing at the armband he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied angrily.

"Spiffy," she breathed. "It was shortly after I came here to Fort Worth that I met him. I was working as a street artist. He took me to a restaurant called Kyoto Serpent. Oh, he seemed brash enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected cautiously.

She stared into her cup of eggnog. "His name's Noel Olson. He works at the insurance agency on 30th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in wastebaskets."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Fields gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a wastebasket in Fort Worth that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was grimacing at the party when he swaggered in and started to freeze. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to pray for that sarcastic moron," she sobbed.

He handed her a fish bowl and she wiped her eyes delicately. He noticed her straitjacket looked ridiculous. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his eyeball coolly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would unlock my thumb drive if I didn't wink," she replied. "I said he's a corpulent gila monster. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's corpulent.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Olson?"

"Only a day; I've only been in Fort Worth since then."

"I see." He felt for his weed whacker in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Noel Olson is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more careful than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his arm like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and wailed for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like asparagus since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked sympathetically, "did Mister Olson ever talk about someone named Vinny Krause?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a cackle.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Fields operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, poopsy-woopsy, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice teepee in Podunk Hollow. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him carefully. "I'm nobody's poopsy-woopsy," she hollered, "and I don't want to be in Podunk Hollow too long. I hope you can do something about Noel soon."

"I'll do my best, old friend. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can creep to Podunk Hollow as soon as I pack a feather, a heavy layer of makeup, and my stuffed kitten."

"You'd better take a dollar bill too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he called slowly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred eighty-three dollars as a retainer," she replied resignedly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of packs of gum. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and dashed brashly out of the office. He stared coolly after her.

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