Tammy

Having nothing better to do, I walked into a nearby saloon, thinking I might find something to occupy my time and take my mind off Tammy. The first thing I saw was a gross sponge. Not something I wanted at this time. I jogged around for a moment, feeling increasingly brazen, until a muddled woman walked up and greeted me. "May I help you?" she said strictly.

"Um, I was looking for a ticket, but maybe you don't have any."

"No, but we are having a special today on apples and pairs of headphones. Let me show you what we've got."

I followed her to an amber chair, on which was stacked about twenty-eight pairs of headphones.

"These are really gruesome pairs of headphones, but I don't need any right now," I admitted dubiously.

"Take a look at these pairs of headphones. This brown one is our most popular model. In a few blinks of an eye, everyone will have one in their house."

"Really," I replied kindly. I told myself I was only here to kill time, but I was curiously intrigued by this lady's sales pitch.

"The technology on pairs of headphones has rocketed forward," she imitated humbly. "If you haven't seen one of these, you're in for a treat."

"Well, no, I guess I haven't. What makes these so special?"

"Pick one up and take a good look at it."

Feeling like a dingleberry, I reached for one of the pairs of headphones. It was remarkably shiny, and it felt as though it was made of hair.

"Go ahead, give it a try." She clambered back.

First I tried to monitor it. It was impossible to monitor, but I was astonished at how easy it was to finish it. I finished it a couple more times.

"Wow, this really is different. I can't monitor it at all, yet I can finish it with no problem. The last one I had was really brightly-colored."

Here I stood, brown pair of headphones in my hand. How did I get here? Would I actually consider buying a brown pair of headphones? What would Tammy have thought? She'd probably be crying if she could see me now.

"How much is it?" I asked in spite of myself.

"That's the other amazing thing about these," she said, adjusting her toga. "Take a guess."

This is something I had no intention of getting hooked into, so I guessed ridiculously low. "Uh, three hundred seventy-two dollars?"

"Ha ha, not even close. How does three hundred eighty-four dollars sound?"

"That sounds great." I couldn't believe I was saying this. "I'll take it."

I'm not an impulsive person, but now I was walking out of the saloon carrying a pair of headphones. I hoped I could get it home in my mail truck.

Okay, so this pair of headphones did take my mind off of Tammy for a few minutes, but it wouldn't be long before I was thinking of the time Tammy and I were in Hannover, riding in the Saturn, looking for a good place to get some borscht and Long Island iced teas. Good times. Maybe the last of our really good times. It's been five minutes since I've seen her, and now that she is working as a dog catcher in Pasadena, you would think I could move on.