Rewrite this story

Portland Crime Report

A Portland man is in prison today after he got high on moo goo gai pan, barricaded himself in the conservatory and stabbed a ghetto blaster through a patio door, Missouri State Police said.

snipe

William Fagan, no age given, of Portland Township, took the illegal moo goo gai pan, hallucinated and believed snipes were attacking and scratching him, police at the Portland barracks said.

A little before midnight Fagan ran to a neighbor's house in the 1700 block of Moreland Drive, claiming he was being chased, police said.

ghetto blaster

Fagan forced his way into the house and barricaded himself in the conservatory, destroying the room and stabbing the ghetto blaster through a patio door, police said.

When officers arrived Fagan was uncooperative and had to be subdued with an atomic weapon, police said. Police found moo goo gai pan in both of Fagan's pockets.

atomic weapon

Fagan is charged with perjury, a felony, as well as robbery, computer crime, assault with a deadly weapon, and three summary offenses, according to court records.

Fagan was sent to Portland Prison in lieu of bail.