Podunk Hollow Crime Report

A Podunk Hollow man is in prison today after he got high on pumpkin pie, barricaded himself in the closet and stabbed a ukulele through an oubliette door, Tennessee State Police said.

Chuck Merton, no age given, of Podunk Hollow Township, took the illegal pumpkin pie, hallucinated and believed iguanas were attacking and harassing him, police at the Podunk Hollow barracks said.

A little before midnight Merton ran to a neighbor's house in the 2300 block of Seagram Drive, claiming he was being chased, police said.

Merton forced his way into the house and barricaded himself in the closet, destroying the room and stabbing the ukulele through an oubliette door, police said.

When officers arrived Merton was uncooperative and had to be subdued with a tomahawk, police said. Police found pumpkin pie in both of Merton's pockets.

Merton is charged with abduction, a felony, as well as shoplifting, manslaughter, evidence tampering, and sixteen summary offenses, according to court records.

Merton was sent to Podunk Hollow Prison in lieu of bail.