The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a backyard, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad elephant who enjoyed attacking little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the backyard.

The first little pig built his house of Bakelite.

Along came the big bad elephant, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my buttocks!

Then the elephant said, "Then I'll type and I'll fret and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad elephant typed and he fretted, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of wax.

Along came the big bad elephant, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my nose!

Then the elephant said, "Then I'll squint and I'll look puzzled and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad elephant squinted and he looked puzzled, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of duct tape.

Along came the big bad elephant, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pituitary gland!

Then the elephant said, "Then I'll twitch and I'll get dizzy and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad elephant twitched and got dizzy, he couldn't blow in a house made of duct tape. The big bad elephant felt dark. "Ppppbbbft," he said, and went away temperamentally.

From that day on, the big bad elephant never attacked the three pigs again.