The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a field, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad hog who enjoyed massaging little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the field.

The first little pig built his house of tar.

Along came the big bad hog, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my palm!

Then the hog said, "Then I'll slobber and I'll sneeze and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hog slobbered and she sneezed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of cotton.

Along came the big bad hog, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my knuckle!

Then the hog said, "Then I'll pace and I'll sniff and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hog paced and she sniffed, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of plutonium.

Along came the big bad hog, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the hog said, "Then I'll deal cards and I'll seethe and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad hog dealt cards and seethed, she couldn't blow in a house made of plutonium. The big bad hog felt agile. "Gads," she said, and went away grandly.

From that day on, the big bad hog never massaged the three pigs again.