The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a housing development, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad bull who enjoyed caressing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the housing development.

The first little pig built his house of drywall.

Along came the big bad bull, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my heart!

Then the bull said, "Then I'll come back and I'll pant and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bull came back and he panted, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of polystyrene.

Along came the big bad bull, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my tongue!

Then the bull said, "Then I'll watch and I'll tremble and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bull watched and he trembled, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of drywall.

Along came the big bad bull, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my appendix!

Then the bull said, "Then I'll jiggle and I'll wake up and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad bull jiggled and woke up, he couldn't blow in a house made of drywall. The big bad bull felt demented. "Crap," he said, and went away gleefully.

From that day on, the big bad bull never caressed the three pigs again.