The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a landfill, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad bird who enjoyed calling the cops on little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the landfill.

The first little pig built his house of pewter.

Along came the big bad bird, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my intestine!

Then the bird said, "Then I'll cheer and I'll chortle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bird cheered and she chortled, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of old tires.

Along came the big bad bird, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hand!

Then the bird said, "Then I'll cry and I'll nod off and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bird cried and she nodded off, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of fiberglass.

Along came the big bad bird, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my face!

Then the bird said, "Then I'll snicker and I'll vomit and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad bird snickered and vomited, she couldn't blow in a house made of fiberglass. The big bad bird felt hungry. "Fudge," she said, and went away carefully.

From that day on, the big bad bird never called the cops on the three pigs again.