The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a mountaintop, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad polar bear who enjoyed bumping little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the mountaintop.

The first little pig built his house of Elmer's glue.

Along came the big bad polar bear, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pituitary gland!

Then the polar bear said, "Then I'll lie around in bed and I'll show up and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad polar bear lay around in bed and he showed up, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of nylon.

Along came the big bad polar bear, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my chest!

Then the polar bear said, "Then I'll hide and I'll ruminate and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad polar bear hid and he ruminated, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of lace.

Along came the big bad polar bear, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my tooth!

Then the polar bear said, "Then I'll creep and I'll clatter and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad polar bear crept and clattered, he couldn't blow in a house made of lace. The big bad polar bear felt stubborn. "Now we're talking," he said, and went away pityingly.

From that day on, the big bad polar bear never bumped the three pigs again.