The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a range, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad duck who enjoyed castigating little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the range.

The first little pig built his house of cookie dough.

Along came the big bad duck, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my stomach!

Then the duck said, "Then I'll murmur and I'll jiggle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad duck murmured and he jiggled, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of polyester.

Along came the big bad duck, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my forehead!

Then the duck said, "Then I'll gasp and I'll mutter and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad duck gasped and he muttered, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of bark.

Along came the big bad duck, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my beard!

Then the duck said, "Then I'll grimace and I'll yelp and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad duck grimaced and yelped, he couldn't blow in a house made of bark. The big bad duck felt stubborn. "Jeez," he said, and went away oddly.

From that day on, the big bad duck never castigated the three pigs again.