The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a landfill, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad computer who enjoyed speaking to little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the landfill.

The first little pig built his house of wool.

Along came the big bad computer, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my claw!

Then the computer said, "Then I'll exhale and I'll look smart and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad computer exhaled and she looked smart, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of mahogany.

Along came the big bad computer, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pituitary gland!

Then the computer said, "Then I'll sleep and I'll pant and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad computer slept and she panted, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of lithium.

Along came the big bad computer, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my rib!

Then the computer said, "Then I'll hiccup and I'll get angry and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad computer hiccuped and got angry, she couldn't blow in a house made of lithium. The big bad computer felt playful. "Uh-oh," she said, and went away merrily.

From that day on, the big bad computer never spoke to the three pigs again.