The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live at a crime scene, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad horse who enjoyed writing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors at the crime scene.

The first little pig built his house of nylon.

Along came the big bad horse, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the horse said, "Then I'll calculate and I'll sit still and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad horse calculated and he sat still, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of muslin.

Along came the big bad horse, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hoof!

Then the horse said, "Then I'll pace and I'll glower and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad horse paced and he glowered, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of vinyl.

Along came the big bad horse, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my calf!

Then the horse said, "Then I'll tremble and I'll rejoice and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad horse trembled and rejoiced, he couldn't blow in a house made of vinyl. The big bad horse felt earnest. "By all the saints at the backside door of purgatory," he said, and went away ingeniously.

From that day on, the big bad horse never wrote the three pigs again.