The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a country meadow, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad raven who enjoyed surprising little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the country meadow.

The first little pig built his house of limestone.

Along came the big bad raven, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the raven said, "Then I'll mutter and I'll swear and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad raven muttered and she swore, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of bubbles.

Along came the big bad raven, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my fingernail!

Then the raven said, "Then I'll itch and I'll jerk and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad raven itched and she jerked, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of ivory.

Along came the big bad raven, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the raven said, "Then I'll lie down and I'll curtsey and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad raven lay down and curtseyed, she couldn't blow in a house made of ivory. The big bad raven felt moronic. "Cool beans," she said, and went away sweetly.

From that day on, the big bad raven never surprised the three pigs again.