The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a hillside, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad panda who enjoyed thumping little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the hillside.

The first little pig built his house of seashells.

Along came the big bad panda, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my midriff!

Then the panda said, "Then I'll stand by and I'll fall asleep and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad panda stood by and he fell asleep, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of posts and beams.

Along came the big bad panda, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the panda said, "Then I'll smile and I'll purr and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad panda smiled and he purred, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of polyester.

Along came the big bad panda, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyebrow!

Then the panda said, "Then I'll run and I'll daydream and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad panda ran and daydreamed, he couldn't blow in a house made of polyester. The big bad panda felt fuzzy. "Retch," he said, and went away timidly.

From that day on, the big bad panda never thumped the three pigs again.