The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a lagoon, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad polecat who enjoyed pushing little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the lagoon.

The first little pig built his house of recycled newspaper.

Along came the big bad polecat, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my appendix!

Then the polecat said, "Then I'll play solitaire and I'll barf and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad polecat played solitaire and she barfed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of ice.

Along came the big bad polecat, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my back!

Then the polecat said, "Then I'll snort and I'll scream and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad polecat snorted and she screamed, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of gold.

Along came the big bad polecat, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hangnail!

Then the polecat said, "Then I'll vegetate and I'll frown and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad polecat vegetated and frowned, she couldn't blow in a house made of gold. The big bad polecat felt artistic. "I'm on it," she said, and went away ignobly.

From that day on, the big bad polecat never pushed the three pigs again.