The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a grassy knoll, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad gorilla who enjoyed needling little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the grassy knoll.

The first little pig built his house of tiles.

Along came the big bad gorilla, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hair!

Then the gorilla said, "Then I'll chant and I'll cringe and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad gorilla chanted and she cringed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of flour paste.

Along came the big bad gorilla, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my appendix!

Then the gorilla said, "Then I'll get angry and I'll jiggle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad gorilla got angry and she jiggled, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of leaves and twigs.

Along came the big bad gorilla, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my arm!

Then the gorilla said, "Then I'll blank out and I'll expectorate and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad gorilla blanked out and expectorated, she couldn't blow in a house made of leaves and twigs. The big bad gorilla felt obese. "I'm outta here," she said, and went away sorrowfully.

From that day on, the big bad gorilla never needled the three pigs again.