The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a pond, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad turkey who enjoyed operating on little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the pond.

The first little pig built his house of masonry.

Along came the big bad turkey, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thigh!

Then the turkey said, "Then I'll swoon and I'll expectorate and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad turkey swooned and she expectorated, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of bronze.

Along came the big bad turkey, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my tummy!

Then the turkey said, "Then I'll throw up and I'll pucker and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad turkey threw up and she puckered, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of lumber.

Along came the big bad turkey, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my waist!

Then the turkey said, "Then I'll puff and I'll dawdle and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad turkey puffed and dawdled, she couldn't blow in a house made of lumber. The big bad turkey felt sensible. "Far out, man," she said, and went away blindly.

From that day on, the big bad turkey never operated on the three pigs again.