The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a plateau, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad iguana who enjoyed aggravating little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the plateau.

The first little pig built his house of pipe cleaners.

Along came the big bad iguana, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my kidney!

Then the iguana said, "Then I'll wink and I'll wobble and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad iguana winked and he wobbled, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of jewels.

Along came the big bad iguana, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hairdo!

Then the iguana said, "Then I'll fantasize and I'll get sleepy and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad iguana fantasized and he got sleepy, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of logs.

Along came the big bad iguana, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my big toe!

Then the iguana said, "Then I'll laugh and I'll freak out and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad iguana laughed and freaked out, he couldn't blow in a house made of logs. The big bad iguana felt megalomaniacal. "Suffering sassafras," he said, and went away testily.

From that day on, the big bad iguana never aggravated the three pigs again.