The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in an outback, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad wolf who enjoyed kissing little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the outback.

The first little pig built his house of junk cars.

Along came the big bad wolf, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my gall bladder!

Then the wolf said, "Then I'll expectorate and I'll daydream and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad wolf expectorated and she daydreamed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of matchsticks.

Along came the big bad wolf, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my little finger!

Then the wolf said, "Then I'll get angry and I'll dance and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad wolf got angry and she danced, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of pewter.

Along came the big bad wolf, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my calf!

Then the wolf said, "Then I'll play solitaire and I'll do nothing and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad wolf played solitaire and did nothing, she couldn't blow in a house made of pewter. The big bad wolf felt suave. "Be still, my beating heart," she said, and went away curiously.

From that day on, the big bad wolf never kissed the three pigs again.