The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a mountaintop, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad Guinea pig who enjoyed astonishing little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the mountaintop.

The first little pig built his house of muslin.

Along came the big bad Guinea pig, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my little toe!

Then the Guinea pig said, "Then I'll pace and I'll do the Hokey Pokey and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad Guinea pig paced and she did the Hokey Pokey, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of cellophane.

Along came the big bad Guinea pig, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my tooth!

Then the Guinea pig said, "Then I'll cheer and I'll applaud and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad Guinea pig cheered and she applauded, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of lumber.

Along came the big bad Guinea pig, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my abdomen!

Then the Guinea pig said, "Then I'll wail and I'll stare into space and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad Guinea pig wailed and stared into space, she couldn't blow in a house made of lumber. The big bad Guinea pig felt repulsive. "Whew," she said, and went away flightily.

From that day on, the big bad Guinea pig never astonished the three pigs again.