The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in an arroyo, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad orangutan who enjoyed calling the cops on little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the arroyo.

The first little pig built his house of cold rolled steel.

Along came the big bad orangutan, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my ego!

Then the orangutan said, "Then I'll fidget and I'll grow up and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad orangutan fidgeted and he grew up, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of concrete.

Along came the big bad orangutan, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my chin!

Then the orangutan said, "Then I'll cry and I'll dance and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad orangutan cried and he danced, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of sandstone.

Along came the big bad orangutan, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my paw!

Then the orangutan said, "Then I'll flush and I'll applaud and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad orangutan flushed and applauded, he couldn't blow in a house made of sandstone. The big bad orangutan felt cruel. "WTF," he said, and went away shakily.

From that day on, the big bad orangutan never called the cops on the three pigs again.