The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a desert, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad hermit crab who enjoyed covering little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the desert.

The first little pig built his house of cold rolled steel.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my jaw!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll slobber and I'll step aside and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hermit crab slobbered and she stepped aside, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of beeswax.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pituitary gland!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll shiver and I'll chew and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hermit crab shivered and she chewed, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of snow.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyelid!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll chant and I'll grimace and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad hermit crab chanted and grimaced, she couldn't blow in a house made of snow. The big bad hermit crab felt decent. "Shame," she said, and went away noisily.

From that day on, the big bad hermit crab never covered the three pigs again.