The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a plain, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad magpie who enjoyed heckling little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the plain.

The first little pig built his house of cold rolled steel.

Along came the big bad magpie, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll play solitaire and I'll dream and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad magpie played solitaire and she dreamed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of carbon fiber.

Along came the big bad magpie, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my funny bone!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll applaud and I'll throw up and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad magpie applauded and she threw up, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of silk.

Along came the big bad magpie, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my little toe!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll meditate and I'll ponder and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad magpie meditated and pondered, she couldn't blow in a house made of silk. The big bad magpie felt smart. "Umm," she said, and went away madly.

From that day on, the big bad magpie never heckled the three pigs again.