The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a peninsula, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad boar who enjoyed replacing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the peninsula.

The first little pig built his house of chocolate.

Along came the big bad boar, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my esophagus!

Then the boar said, "Then I'll wait and I'll pray and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad boar waited and he prayed, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of cinder block.

Along came the big bad boar, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my midriff!

Then the boar said, "Then I'll collapse and I'll chew and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad boar collapsed and he chewed, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of cards.

Along came the big bad boar, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my horn!

Then the boar said, "Then I'll deal cards and I'll turn blue and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad boar dealt cards and turned blue, he couldn't blow in a house made of cards. The big bad boar felt decisive. "Absolutely," he said, and went away suspiciously.

From that day on, the big bad boar never replaced the three pigs again.