The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a plain, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad hornet who enjoyed scratching little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the plain.

The first little pig built his house of duct tape.

Along came the big bad hornet, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my spleen!

Then the hornet said, "Then I'll die and I'll cough and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hornet died and she coughed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of tar.

Along came the big bad hornet, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my carotid artery!

Then the hornet said, "Then I'll turn blue and I'll get angry and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hornet turned blue and she got angry, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of hemp.

Along came the big bad hornet, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my front tooth!

Then the hornet said, "Then I'll deal cards and I'll growl and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad hornet dealt cards and growled, she couldn't blow in a house made of hemp. The big bad hornet felt dignified. "Yowee," she said, and went away breathlessly.

From that day on, the big bad hornet never scratched the three pigs again.