The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a battlefield, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad hermit crab who enjoyed leading little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the battlefield.

The first little pig built his house of straw.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my dignity!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll knit and I'll stretch and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hermit crab knitted and he stretched, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of wool.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my ear!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll preach and I'll lie around in bed and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad hermit crab preached and he lay around in bed, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of cedar.

Along came the big bad hermit crab, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my earlobe!

Then the hermit crab said, "Then I'll calculate and I'll turn blue and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad hermit crab calculated and turned blue, he couldn't blow in a house made of cedar. The big bad hermit crab felt vile. "Alack," he said, and went away lamely.

From that day on, the big bad hermit crab never led the three pigs again.