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Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like three filthy spiders, three plastic cactus plants, one waxy air compressor, and four ragged packs of gum.

I have been very undignified this year, so please give me more than you do Giovanni.

P.S. I'll put a bowl of borscht and a whiskey sour on the canopy bed for you.

Your friend,

Gunther