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Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like one gooey blow torch, two crusty pencils, one hand-painted campaign sign, and two papery Rubik's cubes.

I have been very princely this year, so please give me more than you do Nickolas.

P.S. I'll put a piece of tofu and a gin fizz on the wooden crate for you.

Your friend,

Wesley