Humphrey woke up with a grimace. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a balaclava and a suit of armor. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the parlor was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited one of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend six hours playing fun games like dodge ball and Mother May I. His mom was planning to make plenty of jambalaya and country glazed ham for everyone. Humphrey would try to blow out all twenty-three candles on the sparkly and purple cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Humphrey would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a bilge pump! He hoped it would be a luxurious bilge pump. His friend John had said he would give him a stamp, and his grandpa always gave him cool stuff like the bag she gave him last year. Humphrey could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a hailstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his balaclava. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the outback. He would have to wear a wet suit instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his suit of armor.
He sashayed downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like formaldehyde. His mom was standing there with a dish cloth in her hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" she said with a shiver.
"Hi Mommy!" Humphrey replied intensely. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the jambalaya," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra chopped liver. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Humphrey replied again. "Do we have the country glazed ham ready?"
"I'm going to wait until two o'clock to start that," his mother replied angrily. "It only has to toast for eighty-two minutes."
"Okay," Humphrey replied unnaturally. "I'm gonna go to the parlor."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some wienerschnitzel in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the parlor first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Humphrey responded, as he sat down to his wienerschnitzel. "Let's hang lots of lavender balloons and cover the rocking chair and the settee with indigo crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his mother humbly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite singer, Roxie Bentzinger. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a candy thermometer."
"Great," Humphrey responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a snort. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."