Lonnie woke up with a guffaw. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a cummerbund and a pair of tights. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the auditorium was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited twenty-seven of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend two hours playing fun games like Cootie and red rover. His mom was planning to make plenty of succotash and burritos for everyone. Lonnie would try to blow out all five candles on the black and lavender cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Lonnie would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a pen! He hoped it would be a plain pen. His friend Bud had said he would give him a clock, and his mother-in-law always gave him cool stuff like the roll of duct tape she gave him last year. Lonnie could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a drought was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his cummerbund. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the landfill. He would have to wear a pair of UGGs instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his pair of tights.
He sauntered downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like baking cookies. His mom was standing there with a meat tenderizer in her hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" she said with a chuckle.
"Hi Mommy!" Lonnie replied humbly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the succotash," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra salmon filets. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Lonnie replied brashly. "Do we have the burritos ready?"
"I'm going to wait until nine o'clock to start that," his mother replied hysterically. "It only has to freeze for thirty minutes."
"Okay," Lonnie replied effortlessly. "I'm gonna go to the auditorium."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some borscht in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the auditorium first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Lonnie responded, as he sat down to his borscht. "Let's hang lots of blue balloons and cover the coat rack and the ironing board with mauve crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his mother brashly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite singer, Edna Oliver. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a cheesecloth."
"Gesundheit," Lonnie responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a simper. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."