Nathaniel woke up with a honk. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in an 'I'm with Stupid' shirt and a ski mask. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the billiard room was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited twenty-two of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend three hours playing fun games like chess and Snakes and Ladders. His mom was planning to make plenty of brownies and potatoes and gravy for everyone. Nathaniel would try to blow out all twenty-eight candles on the yellow and yellow cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Nathaniel would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a cigarette lighter! He hoped it would be a ruined cigarette lighter. His friend Helmut had said he would give him a coconut, and his mother-in-law always gave him cool stuff like the corsage she gave him last year. Nathaniel could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a windstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his 'I'm with Stupid' shirt. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the cesspool. He would have to wear a pair of dungarees instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his ski mask.
He scurried downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like Old Spice. His mom was standing there with a pair of chopsticks in her hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" she said with a roar.
"Hi Mommy!" Nathaniel replied cruelly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the brownies," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra Canadian bacon. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Nathaniel replied cruelly. "Do we have the potatoes and gravy ready?"
"I'm going to wait until ten o'clock to start that," his mother replied calmly. "It only has to steam for forty-four minutes."
"Okay," Nathaniel replied lamely. "I'm gonna go to the billiard room."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some hash in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the billiard room first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Nathaniel responded, as he sat down to his hash. "Let's hang lots of grey balloons and cover the bookshelf and the cupboard with golden crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his mother vigorously. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite Tv star, Gretchen McCray. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a candy thermometer."
"Glaack," Nathaniel responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a wag of the finger. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."