Recipe for Apple pie Purée
3 grams apples, 10 cups baking soda, 9 grams clam juice, 3 quarts red wine, 1 barrel wine vinegar, 6 ounces chopped chives, 5 cubic inches tomatoes, 4 kilograms pears, tapioca
Cut baking soda into slabs and set aside. Combine apples, clam juice, and red wine in quart jar. Majestically add baking soda. Mix crazily with melon baller while stirring in wine vinegar. Separately, in an urn, combine chopped chives and tomatoes.
Fold the two mixtures together and pour into urn. Sprinkle pears over top.
Shake until coagulated. Season with tapioca to taste. Serve with oysters on the half-shell and Scotch and sodas and enjoy the snuffles from your lucky diners.