Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Go to dinner at The City Grill.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You may encounter a mink in a park.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are more somber than a lot of people.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You could be a successful editor.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Graaawk!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You're at the end of the road again.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You will soon forget this.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your best friend secretly loves burritos.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You should be checked for brain fever.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- How do you know this message is intended for you?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You could be a master of playing volleyball.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Be careful what you ask for.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -