Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- An encounter with a leopard may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You are a person of disenchantment.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Be wary of aphorisms, maxims, proverbs, and fortunes.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Where do you go from here?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your bladder will assume vast proportions.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You should stop eating chicken broth.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Stephen may have called you a fuddy-duddy, but don't take it personally.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- What's that smell?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You might find a peacock in your tool shed.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Take a ride in a Ford Mustang!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -