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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You don't look so suave with frankfurters in your teeth.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You became nervous because your father bit you.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- How do you know this message is intended for you?

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Go to a backyard and look for a tree stump.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- What you said yesterday was wacky.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Is this the best you can do?

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- What you said yesterday was wacky.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Your business will assume miniscule proportions.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Someone named Dierdre is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -