Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- When was the last time you spoke to Eloise?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You're not done yet.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Next Monday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You may excel at bobsledding.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Be bold in your daily affairs.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You're at the end of the road again.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Doubtful.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will outgrow your 'I'm with Stupid' shirt.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Go to dinner at The Magic Beanery.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -