Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- A beautiful stranger wearing a weird lime-green motorcycle helmet may begin to chase you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You have a talent for cooking.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- An encounter with a hermit crab may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Flee!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You remind people of a puma.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Time to clean up your act.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You should take lessons in doing origami.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Time to buy a new bookshelf.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Be wary of aphorisms, maxims, proverbs, and fortunes.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are as boring as a bullfighter.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -