Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Excellent day for putting wrenches on a ping-pong table.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Give her an evasive answer.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You remind people of a bumblebee.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You look good in a chocolate brown corset.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Go to dinner at Imperial Delight.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will have a short and pleasant discussion with your cousin.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Take care of your eyeball; no one else is going to do it for you!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You have nothing to lose by meeting up with Cornelius.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -