Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Where do you go from here?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a boat captain.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are a person of kindness.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Better not look too closely at Leroy.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are unlikely to make a successful career out of sculpting.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Take your favorite person out to dinner at Tropical Castle.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Next Tuesday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Be bold in your daily affairs.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You'll have a hard time getting Lindy out of your head.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -