Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You don't look so suave with pork chops in your teeth.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It's nothing that a little sketchiness wouldn't help.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- There is a 2% chance of tomorrow.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your boyfriend takes egg rolls from strangers.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Where there's a will there's a will.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may get bitten by a proud sasquatch.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- When was the last time you spoke to Janice?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You are a person of gallantry.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be on the lookout for a tense hippopotamus.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Go to a cornfield and look for a flower.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Don't read everything you believe.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -