Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Take your favorite person out to dinner at Downtown Food & Spirits.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Avoid sewing in the doghouse tonight.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Have you considered getting a mosquito as a companion?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- If it seems like fate is against you today, it probably is.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- February will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- A corn popper may be the best way to occupy your time.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may excel at cycling.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may get bitten by a fuzzy crow.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Now is the time to take that trip to Armenia you've been dreading. Leave the pacifier at home!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- A coach has been giving you the eye.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -