Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are taking yourself far too seriously.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It becomes increasingly difficult to cover up what you did.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- What you said yesterday was exactly on point.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- My, my, look at you!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Do not give up now.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You may encounter a swan on a countryside.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Have you considered getting a bat as a companion?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- The power of lethargy makes us lethargic.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Where there's a will there's a will.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Don't look now, but there is a beagle stalking you!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Consider heading southwest.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- A dreadful stranger wearing a crude red hair net may begin to appease you.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -