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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- They're coming to collect what you owe.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a chocolate brown stethoscope.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You will be misunderstood by everyone.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- A friendly stranger wearing a golden azure ring may begin to call the cops on you.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Who says you know what you're talking about?

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- This is a good day to ostracize a mouse.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you deficient in worldly ways.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Don't.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Have a cosmopolitan on me.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -