Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You have a tendency to be gallant, but you should try to keep it in check.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Time to clean up your act.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You will receive a package containing a bronze painting.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't believe what you read on the internet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You think today was strange...
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Suck it up, buttercup.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- An encounter with a bat may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- It may already be too late.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Don't.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme sweetness.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -