Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Give her an evasive answer.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- The power of childishness makes us perky.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You will be misunderstood by everyone.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Pay attention!
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You should be checked for meningitis.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Next Tuesday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Check the living room - you may find that Rubik's cube you've been looking for!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You are a piece of work.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Be cautious in your daily affairs.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -