Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will get what you deserve.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Avoid hollering in the den tonight.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your domestic life may be unharmonious.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will get what you deserve.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Your lucky number is 941739.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will inherit forty-three thousand dollars and a large number of feathers.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You'll never be the man your mother was!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -