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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You will get what you deserve.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Avoid hollering in the den tonight.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Your domestic life may be unharmonious.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You will get what you deserve.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Your lucky number is 941739.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You will inherit forty-three thousand dollars and a large number of feathers.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You'll never be the man your mother was!

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- They're coming to collect what you owe.


Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.


- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -