Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You will be reincarnated as a gila monster, and you will be much happier.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- This is a good time to paint the workshop indigo.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You're not done yet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may excel at cricket.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Someone named Darcy Bratt may take legal action against you.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Give her an evasive answer.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- When was the last time you spoke to Lindsay?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- It may already be too late.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -