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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Beware of unsolicited advice.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You are usually fashionable. What happened today?

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for being a blithering idiot.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Do not give up now.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Be wary of aphorisms, maxims, proverbs, and fortunes.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You will be misunderstood by everyone.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You are probably reassuring your friend.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You remind people of a warthog.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You will lose your present job and have to sell baskets door to door.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -