Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Is that hair growing on your gut?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will outgrow your usefulness.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It might be a good idea to dress a mirror.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Better pay them whatever they demand.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Go to a rainforest and look for a tree stump.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Better not put on that denim skirt yet.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are unlikely to make a successful career out of skydiving.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -