Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Are you sure this is what you ought to be doing?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- What you get will have nothing to do with what you deserve.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You will receive a letter from Mookie Nicholas.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will have a long and pleasant discussion with your girlfriend.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- It is probably a good time for an apology.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Don't go writing in Arkansas for a while.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Check the family room - you may find that compass you've been looking for!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Flee!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Pay attention!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -