Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't believe what you read on the internet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You might be a good fit in the Unitarian Church.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Whatever you try is certain to succeed.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't read everything you believe.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Consider carrying a disarming smile for your protection.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Maybe you should build a sand castle out of dreams and visions.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You will soon begin to look funny.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Consider heading southeast.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -