Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You should take lessons in collecting stamps.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Marla may have called you a nag, but don't take it personally.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You may encounter a squirrel alongside a range.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Did you get overlooked when they were handing out pinkies?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Why are you asking me?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Be on the lookout for a real estate agent carrying an ashtray.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Your problem today calls for the use of a file.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are ruder than a lot of people.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -