Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- It is probably a good time for an apology.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Try selling iPads by the antique store.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are hurtling around the sun at 66,000 miles per hour. Do not try to get off.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- How do you know this message is intended for you?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You might find a louse in your dungeon.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Your best friend secretly loves doughnuts.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Time to get on the road again.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Have an ice cream soda on me.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Do not give up now.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will be misunderstood by everyone.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -