Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your life is a metaphorical spinning wheel.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You could use a Bloody Mary.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- September will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Your appearance today is...interesting.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You belong in the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Go out to a concert. You may discover a new passion!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Don't even consider it.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Give her an evasive answer.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You may find inner turmoil natplaceprep a natplace.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -