Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- What's that smell?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You are a piece of work.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- November will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Keep your extra cash in a satchel this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- It's nothing that a little charm wouldn't help.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You are taking yourself far too lightly.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You may run into Kathy at a pastry shop.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -