Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your boyfriend takes sushi from strangers.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Now is the time to take that trip to Cameroon you've been dreading. Leave the yo-yo at home!
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Do not attempt to understand this.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Better ease up on the Cheerios.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't believe what you read on the internet.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your boyfriend takes blueberry pie from strangers.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $10.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Pay attention!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -