Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are taking yourself far too seriously.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You have a generous nature.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Man does not live by lamb curry alone.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- If someone tries to give you a shoe, you should politely refuse. You don't need one at this stage of your life.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Try selling dollhouses by the furniture store.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Check the conservatory - you may find that paper airplane you've been looking for!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You look good in a polka dotted visor.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- It's safest to stay in your room today.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Make haste. They're after you!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Someone named Peggy is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -