Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Pay hospital fees of $50.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Signs point to no.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You may defy a married person soon.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your mind is a valley.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- It is probably a good time for an apology.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Bless your heart!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Bless your heart!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You remind people of a quail.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -