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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Your best friend secretly loves fried okra.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Pay hospital fees of $50.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Don't read everything you believe.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You may excel at tennis.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Go to dinner at The Hidden Feast.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Go out to a bridge club. You may discover a new passion!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You should be checked for ALS.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Better not take off that dirndl yet.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Enlist the services of a colonel as soon as possible.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Don't jab a camera today.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -