Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your shallowness may tend to make you skilled in worldly ways.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Your mind is a treetop.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Do not give up now.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Go out to an archery club. You may discover a new passion!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Someone named Marcie Skye may take legal action against you.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You will lose your present job and have to sell artificial flowers door to door.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Why are you asking me?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You may run into Rock at an electronics store.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your mind is a landfill.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Be careful what you ask for.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -