Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Melanie will give you an Erector set for your birthday.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't read everything you believe.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You might try angioplasty.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your best friend secretly loves strawberry shortcake.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Try selling rolls of duct tape by the cigar store.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your finger is going to start wrinkling.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Change all your passwords.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Julie thinks you're acting like an ant.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Create a poem or a painting expressing how you feel at this moment.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -