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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Your domestic life may be harmonious.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You will soon begin to ache.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You don't look so suave with ricotta cheese in your teeth.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Better pay them whatever they demand.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Better take a close look at your bank account.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- What you get will have nothing to do with what you deserve.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Your mind is a ridge.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Beware of unsolicited advice.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Whatever you try is certain to be a long shot.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- If Leonie stops by, try not to whirl.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Don't take this too seriously.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -