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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- How long before you come to your senses?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Look both ways before you rejoice.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Yes.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You should earn a degree in mythology.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Time to get on the road again.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- It may already be too late.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You should stop eating chopped chives.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You could be a successful kindergarten teacher.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for evading arrest.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Next time you want to communicate with your boss, try Instagram.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -