Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are usually drowsy. What happened today?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a physician.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Remember what happened the last time you tried that.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Why are you asking me?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your best friend secretly loves chicken soup.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Better take a close look at your bank account.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You may worry a married person soon.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -