Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You have a talent for blubbering.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Better not put on that skirt yet.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Your new relationship is most likely to thrive at a considerable distance.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Ask a friend for a crate.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You are unlikely to make a successful career out of skating.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You look good in a teal hoop skirt.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You could be a master of golfing.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be bold in your daily affairs.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Go out to a bake sale. You may discover a new passion!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Signs point to yes.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -