Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- What you said yesterday was wacky.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Better take a close look at your bank account.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You could start a successful business selling items such as fishhooks, Frisbees, and artificial flowers.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Time to clean up your act.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- The older you get, the more enthusiastic you become.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will outgrow your usefulness.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You may find inner peace natplaceprep a natplace.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -