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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You are hurtling around the sun at 66,000 miles per hour. Do not try to get off.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Go to a clothing store and go wild with your credit card.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a terra cotta bracelet.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Born to be wild!

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Remember what happened the last time you tried that.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- You're a card which will have to be dealt with.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Be thankful it's no worse.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Where do you get your novel ideas?

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- How's that working out for you?

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You look good in a white pair of jeans.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -