Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Yes.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Be thankful it's no worse.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You may encounter a buzzard at an oasis.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- There is an 87% chance of tomorrow.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Are you sure this is what you ought to be doing?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You remind people of an otter.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Create a poem or a painting expressing how you feel at this moment.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You are a fluke of the universe; you have no business being here.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You have a talent for snorkeling.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- If Kris stops by, try not to yawn.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -