Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You might try an appendectomy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Put some egg rolls and catfish stew on your plate.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You might fill up your hall with tiles.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You are usually fearless. What happened today?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- The power of intensity makes us gargantuan.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Next time you want to communicate with your significant other, try the grapevine.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Consider carrying a stash of bribe money for your protection.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You may excel at couch potatoism.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will receive a letter from Anatoly Griebel.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -