Rewrite this story

Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Your employer thinks you are too direct.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You are usually poised. What happened today?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You're absent-minded and your father heckles you.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You will outgrow your parka.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You are taking yourself far too lightly.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Look in the foyer - you may find that pair of scissors you've been looking for!

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Flee!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Maybe you should build an apartment out of recycled newspaper.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You will be reincarnated as a squirrel, and you will be much happier.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Give her an evasive answer.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You should consider switching to a career as a dancer.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -