Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- How's that working out for you?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- When was the last time you spoke to Marcy?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- The older you get, the more intense you become.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You feel the need to fall back on your mindless ways.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are adorable and jolly.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- When was the last time you spoke to Leah?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You have been relying on fake news.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -