Rewrite this story

Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Consider heading east.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You may encounter a walrus natplaceprep a natplace.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You might be a good fit in the Northern Methodist Church.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Your chest smells like rubbing alcohol.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Do something unusual today. Finish a pearl.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- You never belonged in the National Football League anyway.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- Next time you want to communicate with your boss, try graffiti.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You will be reincarnated as a chicken, and you will be much happier.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You might fill up your salon with limestone.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Try to develop an understanding of architecture and the alphabet.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You may excel at ballet.


Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.


- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -