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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You might be a good fit in the Christian Church.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You look so nonchalant when you wear a camouflage beard.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Your domestic life may be harmonious.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- A lavender canopy bed would look good in your bathroom.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You will be reincarnated as a camel, and you will be much happier.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You will receive a package containing an electronic paperweight.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You might find a crocodile in your cage.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Hot diggety dog!

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -