Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Look both ways before you pace.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will gain money by a fattening action.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Look forward to a dull day.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Is this some sort of joke?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Don't even consider it.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a used car lot.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Someone named Shelley is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Hot diggety dog!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Devlin is going to aggravate you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Better pay them whatever they demand.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -