Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Better not look too closely at today's news.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You should go home.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You have a talent for sketching.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Doubtful.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Time to clean up your act.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- An encounter with a coyote may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- An encounter with an owl may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You became contented because your father dreamed about you.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- A balloon may be the best way to occupy your time.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Is this some sort of joke?
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -