Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You should study the history of Afghanistan.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Someone named Valerie is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your best friend secretly loves fish and chips.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You could start a successful business selling items such as Lego sets, oranges, and mousetraps.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You have little interest in wind surfing.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- The power of intensity makes us pert.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- June will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will be misunderstood by everyone.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Where do you go from here?
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -