Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Signs point to yes.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You might fill up your rec room with enamel.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You have a talent for fish keeping.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You belong in the Barbie doll Collectors Club.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $40.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will have a short and pleasant discussion with your mother.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Make yourself a smoothie out of cream style corn and apples.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -