Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You may excel at softball.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Consider joining the Arbor Day Foundation.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Never let schooling interfere with your education.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Never let schooling interfere with your education.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Someone named Gillian is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Time to get on the road again.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -