Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- December will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Go outside and gather a basket of pine cones. Give them to Nestor.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Better not take off that ski mask yet.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It might be a bad idea to expand a candle.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You have a tendency to be frumpy, but you should try to keep it in check.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Guido will give you a Barbie doll for your birthday.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will soon begin to shrivel.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -