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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- It becomes increasingly difficult to cover up what you did.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- It's a good time to go shopping for a clam.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a periwinkle pair of knickerbockers.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You have been relying on fake news.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Do not give up now.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- You have been relying on fake news.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You will receive a letter from Fido Van Hook.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Edith thinks you're acting like a butterfly.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You remind people of a cocker spaniel.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You have a will that can be influenced by no one.


Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.


- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -