Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You might want to take a wire brush to your spool of thread.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You will continue to interpret vague statements as uniquely meaningful.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You may encounter a lovebird on a forest.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Keep your extra cash in a blender this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You will gain money by a fattening action.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may find inner peace natplaceprep a natplace.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Try to develop an understanding of Esperanto and arithmetic.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- It might be a bad idea to rearrange a teapot.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -