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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You may excel at softball.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Consider joining the Arbor Day Foundation.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Never let schooling interfere with your education.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Never let schooling interfere with your education.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Someone named Gillian is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Time to get on the road again.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -