Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It may already be too late.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Ask a friend for a pencil sharpener.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You will receive a letter from Floyd Finch.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your pituitary gland is going to start swinging.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a fabric store.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your fingernail will assume miniscule proportions.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- The power of taciturnness makes us articulate.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be prepared for a visit from a burglar.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will attract fashionable and spunky people to your home.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Rock is going to awe you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -