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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You will soon move to a teepee.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- When was the last time you spoke to Randy?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Your lucky number is 440441.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You are sillier than a lot of people.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You are probably confusing your cousin.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Pay attention!

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Go out to a concert. You may discover a new passion!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You should go home.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Go outside. Look around until you find a plastic apple tree. Take fifty paces southeast, then forty paces to the northeast. Sit down there.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Be cautious in your daily affairs.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -