Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Sketching ought to be your priority for the time being.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Time to clean up your act.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Do something unusual today. Review an elephant tusk.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Be on the lookout for an artistic llama.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are unlikely to make a successful career out of screaming.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your life is a metaphorical diagram.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- If you listen to a lecturer, you will benefit later.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You have a talent for mountain climbing.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -