Rewrite this story

Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Someone named Kelly is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- Is that really YOU that is reading this?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You are taking yourself far too seriously.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Your rib smells like pickles.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Maybe more sleep would help.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Your best friend secretly loves fried chicken.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Born to be wild!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- When was the last time you spoke to Phyllis?

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You should go home.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Graaawk!

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Who says you know what you're talking about?

----------------------------------------

Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

----------------------------------------

- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -