Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You will inherit a small part of a garden.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It's a good time to go shopping for a notebook.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You might try maggot therapy.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- There is a 24% chance of tomorrow.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Avoid sewing in the salon tonight.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Doubtful.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Beware of a peculiar man wearing an apron.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You have nothing to gain by finding Kim.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Jürgen is going to damage you.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Hot diggety dog!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -