Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are playful, and this is your normal state.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will soon forget this.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Better take a close look at your bank account.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Are you sure this is what you ought to be doing?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Are you sure this is what you ought to be doing?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Maybe you should build a ranch house out of pulp.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- A funeral director has been giving you the eye.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- If it seems like fate is against you today, it probably is.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -