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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- Don't read everything you believe.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You should go home.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- You will outgrow your usefulness.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Maybe more sleep would help.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Enlist the services of a geologist as soon as possible.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You are probably mollifying your mom.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- You will gain money by a fattening action.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme weariness.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -