Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You should dedicate your spare time to drawing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your life is a metaphorical tissue.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You might fill up your den with Scotch tape.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Better not take off that award medal yet.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Don't look now, but there is an ostrich stalking you!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Be wary of aphorisms, maxims, proverbs, and fortunes.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Flee!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- An encounter with a wombat may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Go to a tundra and look for a tree stump.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -