Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Do not attempt to understand this.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Group needs you.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your mind is a housing development.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Kirsten thinks you're acting like a swan.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Your present plans will be a failure.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Why are you asking me?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will outgrow your usefulness.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You think today was strange...
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Don't refine a box today.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- The older you get, the more pesky you become.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -