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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You should earn a degree in math.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- Go to a grassy knoll and look for a cactus.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Keep trying; something's got to give eventually.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Keep your extra cash in a soda bottle this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Pay attention!

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- If you judge a communist, you will benefit later.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- You will continue to interpret vague statements as uniquely meaningful.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You may encounter a tsetse fly in a butte.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Your mind is a veld.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- You will inherit a small part of a seacoast.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You should be checked for catalepsy.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -