Doctor, my kneecap has started to cool down and my chest is unraveling. Does this mean I have schizophrenia?
It's probably an ulcer. You will need to have a hot water bottle and possibly a haircut. You should also eliminate pecan pie from your diet.
You may find yourself scratching occasionally over the next five weeks. Call me if your kneecap is still cooling down after that.
*Artificial Idiocy