Doctor, my palm has started to tighten up and my thumb is crumbling. Does this mean I have swine flu?
It's probably scabies. You will need to have an ear pinning and possibly duct tape occlusion therapy. You should also eliminate roast beef from your diet.
You may find yourself snarling occasionally over the next five weeks. Call me if your palm is still tightening up after that.
*Artificial Idiocy