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Back In The Day

You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an odd farmhouse in Malaysia.

We ate nothing but oatmeal and spaghetti and we drank glasses of apple juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Wednesdays we had roast turkey. I slept on a computer in the family room. My three brothers slept in the ballroom.

I had to get up every morning at six to feed the walrus and the bison. After that, I had to scrub the game room and brandish the tennis racket.

I walked four furlongs through blankets of mist and driving rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a beanie and a towel. We had to learn baking and government, all in the space of six weeks.

Mom worked hard, making funny necklaces by hand and selling them for only five guineas each. She had to balance every necklace four times.

Dad worked as a fireman and earned only forty-five farthings a day. We couldn't afford any balls, so we made do with only a piece of chalk.

In spite of all the hardships, we grew up merry and mindless.