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Back In The Day

You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a hollow mobile home in Albania.

We ate nothing but corn on the cob and spaghetti and we drank glasses of Kool-Aid, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Saturdays we had fried eggs. I slept on a floor in the atrium. My three sisters slept in the porch.

I had to get up every morning at four to feed the dodo bird and the chipmunk. After that, I had to scrub the rec room and chop the abacus.

I walked eight centimeters through blankets of mist and rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a diamond bracelet and a blazer. We had to learn astrology and obedience, all in the space of eight blinks of an eye.

Mom worked hard, making ordinary artificial flowers by hand and selling them for only eight bitcoin each. She had to pat every artificial flower twenty-three times.

Dad worked as a real estate investor and earned only thirty-one half-crowns a day. We couldn't afford any calling cards, so we made do with only an ice cream cone.

In spite of all the hardships, we grew up cowardly and sloppy.