You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an autographed geodesic dome in Caracas.
We ate nothing but candy and pancakes and we drank glasses of iced tea, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had dry toast. I slept on a computer in the guest room. My three sisters slept in the porch.
I had to get up every morning at four to feed the German Shepherd and the anteater. After that, I had to scrub the conservatory and handle the fountain pen.
I walked twelve centimeters through rainstorms and rainbows to get to school every morning, wearing only a bow tie and a false moustache. We had to learn agriculture and accounting, all in the space of eighteen eternities.
Mom worked hard, making hefty church keys by hand and selling them for only eight doubloons each. She had to study every church key five times.
Dad worked as a meat inspector and earned only fifty-eight stock options a day. We couldn't afford any china dolls, so we made do with only a yardstick.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up lazy and freakish.