You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a hand-painted chateau in Ivory Coast.
We ate nothing but hash and doughnuts and we drank Jack Daniel's, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had ice cream. I slept on a filing cabinet in the laundry room. My six sisters slept in the linen closet.
I had to get up every morning at three to feed the oyster and the tarantula. After that, I had to scrub the hall and modify the chart.
I walked twelve miles through rainbows and periods of warm weather to get to school every morning, wearing only a fedora and a negligee. We had to learn environmental science and musicianship, all in the space of fifteen weeks.
Mom worked hard, making handy tickets by hand and selling them for only three bitcoin each. She had to recommend every ticket ten times.
Dad worked as a crane operator and earned only sixty-two yuans a day. We couldn't afford any paintings, so we made do with only a hockey puck.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up spindly and energetic.