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Back In The Day

You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a burned trailer in Cambodia.

We ate nothing but pancakes and omelet and we drank cups of eggnog, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Thursdays we had banana split. I slept on an ironing board in the basement. My eleven brothers slept in the kitchen.

I had to get up every morning at seven to feed the bison and the bear. After that, I had to scrub the lounge and moisten the rag.

I walked twenty-three feet through hailstorms and tornadoes to get to school every morning, wearing only a watch and a gorilla suit. We had to learn grassland management and rocket science, all in the space of nine fortnights.

Mom worked hard, making expensive cameras by hand and selling them for only eight bitcoin each. She had to beat every camera twenty-five times.

Dad worked as a coroner and earned only ninety-six quarters a day. We couldn't afford any radios, so we made do with only a tablet computer.

In spite of all the hardships, we grew up tactful and choleric.