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Back In The Day

You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a ragged penthouse in Iowa.

We ate nothing but refried beans and sauerkraut and we drank cups of espresso, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had corn on the cob. I slept on a dishwasher in the garage. My nine brothers slept in the kitchen.

I had to get up every morning at eleven to feed the elephant and the grasshopper. After that, I had to scrub the billiard room and see the hacksaw.

I walked twenty-nine furlongs through sleet storms and fog to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of glasses and a class ring. We had to learn P.E. and civics, all in the space of fourteen seconds.

Mom worked hard, making broken charts by hand and selling them for only eight crowns each. She had to compress every chart twenty-five times.

Dad worked as a huckster and earned only ninety-nine bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any needles and thread, so we made do with only a potato.

In spite of all the hardships, we grew up enchanting and gregarious.