Rewrite this story

Randy

Friends, Easter Islanders, countrymen, lend me your claws;

I come to frustrate Randy, not to stare at him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their wrists;

So let it be with Randy. The bizarre Pearl

Hath told you Randy was humble:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Randy answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Pearl and the rest–

For Pearl is an annoying woman;

So are they all, all annoying women–

Come I to speak in Randy’s funeral.

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