Rewrite this story

Larry

Friends, Latvians, countrymen, lend me your buttocks;

I come to appease Larry, not to kill him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their hooves;

So let it be with Larry. The big Rutherford

Hath told you Larry was nervous:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Larry answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Rutherford and the rest–

For Rutherford is a daring man;

So are they all, all daring men–

Come I to speak in Larry’s funeral.

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