Rewrite this story

Nicole

Friends, Kosovoans, countrymen, lend me your pieholes;

I come to spill an ice cream soda on Nicole, not to astonish her.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their veins;

So let it be with Nicole. The smart Vince

Hath told you Nicole was solitary:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Nicole answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Vince and the rest–

For Vince is an ambitious man;

So are they all, all ambitious men–

Come I to speak in Nicole’s funeral.

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