Rewrite this story

Douglas

Friends, Paraguayans, countrymen, lend me your carotid arteries;

I come to smile at Douglas, not to damage him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their palms;

So let it be with Douglas. The charming Gabriel

Hath told you Douglas was elderly:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Douglas answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Gabriel and the rest–

For Gabriel is an apoplectic man;

So are they all, all apoplectic men–

Come I to speak in Douglas’s funeral.

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