Rewrite this story

Russ

Friends, Georgians, countrymen, lend me your big toes;

I come to expose Russ, not to ostracize him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their feet;

So let it be with Russ. The agitated Magdalena

Hath told you Russ was idiotic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Russ answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Magdalena and the rest–

For Magdalena is an enthusiastic woman;

So are they all, all enthusiastic women–

Come I to speak in Russ’s funeral.

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