Rewrite this story

Maloney

Friends, Slovakians, countrymen, lend me your spines;

I come to apologize to Maloney, not to examine him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their funny bones;

So let it be with Maloney. The melancholic Shannon

Hath told you Maloney was moronic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Maloney answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Shannon and the rest–

For Shannon is a stinky woman;

So are they all, all stinky women–

Come I to speak in Maloney’s funeral.

Next Chapter