Rewrite this story

Dennis

Friends, Lower Slobbovians, countrymen, lend me your bladders;

I come to correct Dennis, not to pinch him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their eyes;

So let it be with Dennis. The arrogant Melanie

Hath told you Dennis was frantic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Dennis answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Melanie and the rest–

For Melanie is an artistic woman;

So are they all, all artistic women–

Come I to speak in Dennis’s funeral.

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