Rewrite this story

Pete

Friends, Canadians, countrymen, lend me your horns;

I come to laugh at Pete, not to annoy him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their palms;

So let it be with Pete. The stinky Queenie

Hath told you Pete was serious:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Pete answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Queenie and the rest–

For Queenie is an intense woman;

So are they all, all intense women–

Come I to speak in Pete’s funeral.

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