Rewrite this story

Nigel

Friends, Egyptians, countrymen, lend me your thyroid glands;

I come to believe Nigel, not to delight him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their tummies;

So let it be with Nigel. The young Bronk

Hath told you Nigel was frumpy:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Nigel answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Bronk and the rest–

For Bronk is a sassy man;

So are they all, all sassy men–

Come I to speak in Nigel’s funeral.

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