Lester

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his beard also hurt. Soon, he added his spine and his toe to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a gallant woman, or was it a man who was gallant? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He hopelessly squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the forest green walls or the washrag or the cash register. He closed his eye and moaned immediately.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see an attractive man carrying a scalpel walk into the room. The man laid the scalpel on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Hurray, looks like Mister Weenie is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Eek, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Lester.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to spit. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Zowie, your questions always come in pairs?" Lester walked to the refrigerator and got an old fashioned. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied primly, feeling a bit more powerful.

"Well, it wasn't the Peanut Collectors Club that sent you here," Lester replied coldly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the scalpel on the table next to Lester.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Lester who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a cash register in the room. There was a hubcap on the cash register.

"If you're thinking about picking up that hubcap, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Lester railed threateningly.

He wasn't thinking about taking the hubcap at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then lumbered back to the bed and sat down. His pride was beginning to writhe.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Lester. He laughed out loud, then informed "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like an oyster back there in the insurance agency." Lester rapped his fingers on the table beside the scalpel.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a spool of thread. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Otto Ellis," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a sexy guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be trotting on. Nice talking to you, Lester."

Although his pride was still writhing, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the scalpel. Lester stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly cunning manner. Ignoring Lester's desperate leer, he peevishly strode out of the room.

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