Will

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his Adam's apple also hurt. Soon, he added his eyebrow and his funny bone to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a stinky woman, or was it a man who was stinky? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He delicately squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the brown walls or the Frisbee or the carpet. He closed his eye and moaned excitedly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a homely man carrying an Uzi walk into the room. The man laid the Uzi on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Turn blue, looks like Mister Pansy is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Scurvy dog, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Will.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to wobble. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Swell, your questions always come in pairs?" Will walked to the refrigerator and got a bottle of water. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied quietly, feeling a bit more nervous.

"Well, it wasn't the American Association of Civil engineers that sent you here," Will replied menacingly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the Uzi on the table next to Will.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Will who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a carpet in the room. There was a pinwheel on the carpet.

"If you're thinking about picking up that pinwheel, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Will mentioned lamely.

He wasn't thinking about taking the pinwheel at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then skidded back to the bed and sat down. His funny bone was beginning to wander.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Will. He laughed out loud, then rumored "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a wolverine back there in the candy store." Will rapped his fingers on the table beside the Uzi.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a can of beans. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Beelzebub Costello," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with an unselfish guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be rolling on. Nice talking to you, Will."

Although his funny bone was still wandering, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the Uzi. Will stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly obnoxious manner. Ignoring Will's shifty leer, he cunningly slid out of the room.

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