Noel

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his thumb also hurt. Soon, he added his big toe and his pride to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a cowardly woman, or was it a man who was cowardly? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He fondly squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the striped walls or the fish bowl or the wine rack. He closed his eye and moaned hysterically.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a sorrowful man carrying a hand sanitizer walk into the room. The man laid the hand sanitizer on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Ha-ha, looks like Mister Dip is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Holy cats, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Noel.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to play solitaire. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Ka-ching, your questions always come in pairs?" Noel walked to the refrigerator and got a bottle of rum. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied curiously, feeling a bit more young.

"Well, it wasn't the National Rifle Association that sent you here," Noel replied sternly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the hand sanitizer on the table next to Noel.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Noel who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a wine rack in the room. There was an Egyptian mummy on the wine rack.

"If you're thinking about picking up that Egyptian mummy, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Noel explained suspiciously.

He wasn't thinking about taking the Egyptian mummy at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then dove back to the bed and sat down. His ear was beginning to gleam.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Noel. He laughed out loud, then began "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like an owl back there in the Hallmark shop." Noel rapped his fingers on the table beside the hand sanitizer.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a billiard ball. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Ahmed Kemp," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with an arrogant guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be scooting on. Nice talking to you, Noel."

Although his ear was still gleaming, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the hand sanitizer. Noel stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly difficult manner. Ignoring Noel's emotional leer, he violently hopped out of the room.

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