Floyd

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his abdomen also hurt. Soon, he added his esophagus and his tail to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a big woman, or was it a man who was big? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He gratefully squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the red walls or the rose or the bed. He closed his eye and moaned openly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a shapely man carrying a weed whacker walk into the room. The man laid the weed whacker on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "WTF, looks like Mister Bully is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Nonsense, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Floyd.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to gaze. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Verily, your questions always come in pairs?" Floyd walked to the refrigerator and got a Pepto Bismol. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied frantically, feeling a bit more perky.

"Well, it wasn't New Mexico State University that sent you here," Floyd replied daringly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the weed whacker on the table next to Floyd.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Floyd who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a bed in the room. There was a spool of thread on the bed.

"If you're thinking about picking up that spool of thread, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Floyd panted cheerfully.

He wasn't thinking about taking the spool of thread at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then climbed back to the bed and sat down. His nose was beginning to kink.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Floyd. He laughed out loud, then debated "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like an ape back there in the beauty salon." Floyd rapped his fingers on the table beside the weed whacker.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a nail. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Marla Sharpe," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with an unselfish guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be sauntering on. Nice talking to you, Floyd."

Although his nose was still kinking, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the weed whacker. Floyd stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly muddled manner. Ignoring Floyd's absent-minded leer, he strangely paraded out of the room.

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