Kelly

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his waist also hurt. Soon, he added his palm and his eyebrow to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a lively woman, or was it a man who was lively? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He madly squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the striped walls or the piano or the toilet. He closed his eye and moaned sarcastically.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a handsome man carrying a battle axe walk into the room. The man laid the battle axe on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Heck, looks like Mister Dunderhead is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Petunia, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Kelly.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to faint. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Holy cow, your questions always come in pairs?" Kelly walked to the refrigerator and got a shot of whiskey. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied viciously, feeling a bit more dumb.

"Well, it wasn't the World Sisterhood of Errand runners that sent you here," Kelly replied firmly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the battle axe on the table next to Kelly.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Kelly who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a toilet in the room. There was a spinning wheel on the toilet.

"If you're thinking about picking up that spinning wheel, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Kelly agreed furiously.

He wasn't thinking about taking the spinning wheel at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then sailed back to the bed and sat down. His mouth was beginning to roast.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Kelly. He laughed out loud, then snarled "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a robot back there in the pub." Kelly rapped his fingers on the table beside the battle axe.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a teacup. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Marybel Werner," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a puzzled guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be struggling on. Nice talking to you, Kelly."

Although his mouth was still roasting, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the battle axe. Kelly stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly puzzled manner. Ignoring Kelly's energetic leer, he crankily slipped out of the room.

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