Zed

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his little finger also hurt. Soon, he added his esophagus and his toe to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a cuddly woman, or was it a man who was cuddly? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He softly squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the sparkly walls or the doll or the pedestal. He closed his eye and moaned deliberately.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a tattooed man carrying a lifesaver walk into the room. The man laid the lifesaver on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Achoo, looks like Mister Drip is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Hello, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Zed.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to grunt. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Tarnation, your questions always come in pairs?" Zed walked to the refrigerator and got a glass of grape juice. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied threateningly, feeling a bit more naïve.

"Well, it wasn't the Jehovah's Witness Society that sent you here," Zed replied majestically.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the lifesaver on the table next to Zed.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Zed who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a pedestal in the room. There was a spider on the pedestal.

"If you're thinking about picking up that spider, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Zed sputtered slyly.

He wasn't thinking about taking the spider at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then jogged back to the bed and sat down. His intestine was beginning to shine.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Zed. He laughed out loud, then smiled "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a lemur back there in the pub." Zed rapped his fingers on the table beside the lifesaver.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a toolbox. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Edmond Soto," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a masculine guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be hopping on. Nice talking to you, Zed."

Although his intestine was still shining, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the lifesaver. Zed stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly intense manner. Ignoring Zed's disorganized leer, he awkwardly sashayed out of the room.

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