Louie

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his thyroid gland also hurt. Soon, he added his chest and his foot to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a furry woman, or was it a man who was furry? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He ruefully squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the burgundy walls or the coconut or the bathtub. He closed his eye and moaned wryly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a bearded man carrying a bomb walk into the room. The man laid the bomb on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Roger that, looks like Mister Coward is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Hell's bells, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Louie.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to grow up. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Really, your questions always come in pairs?" Louie walked to the refrigerator and got a can of Ensure. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied blindly, feeling a bit more muscular.

"Well, it wasn't the Battery Collectors Club that sent you here," Louie replied rapidly.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the bomb on the table next to Louie.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Louie who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a bathtub in the room. There was a potato on the bathtub.

"If you're thinking about picking up that potato, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Louie informed shakily.

He wasn't thinking about taking the potato at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then climbed back to the bed and sat down. His hand was beginning to aggravate.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Louie. He laughed out loud, then gasped "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a puma back there in the library." Louie rapped his fingers on the table beside the bomb.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a Barbie doll. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Evette Tooker," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a witty guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be running on. Nice talking to you, Louie."

Although his hand was still aggravating, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the bomb. Louie stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly brazen manner. Ignoring Louie's slimy leer, he busily tumbled out of the room.

Next Chapter