Lawrence

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his leg also hurt. Soon, he added his artery and his Adam's apple to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a gallant woman, or was it a man who was gallant? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He urgently squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the tan walls or the apple or the wooden crate. He closed his eye and moaned quietly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a well-built man carrying a blow pipe walk into the room. The man laid the blow pipe on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Yeehah, looks like Mister Witch is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Gosh, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Lawrence.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to ruminate. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Kazow, your questions always come in pairs?" Lawrence walked to the refrigerator and got a bottle of Gatorade. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied valiantly, feeling a bit more vile.

"Well, it wasn't the National Football League that sent you here," Lawrence replied sagely.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the blow pipe on the table next to Lawrence.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Lawrence who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a wooden crate in the room. There was a rubber chicken on the wooden crate.

"If you're thinking about picking up that rubber chicken, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Lawrence observed majestically.

He wasn't thinking about taking the rubber chicken at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then sped back to the bed and sat down. His liver was beginning to exfoliate.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Lawrence. He laughed out loud, then articulated "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a wolf back there in the insurance agency." Lawrence rapped his fingers on the table beside the blow pipe.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a bottle. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Sydmo Pryor," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a fierce guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be tearing on. Nice talking to you, Lawrence."

Although his liver was still exfoliating, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the blow pipe. Lawrence stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly spunky manner. Ignoring Lawrence's corpulent leer, he languidly sauntered out of the room.

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