Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might forget the place with the slightest provocation. He was Arthur, the most princely man in Kyrgyzstan. The bartender set another glass of carrot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the broken front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of ear muffs and a pair of roller skates struggled blindly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer padded to the bar and sat down beside Arthur.
Arthur turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her glibly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beloved?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the garter snakes start to beg," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a magnifying glass.
"What did you say, noodle? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weevil. My name ain't your concern, so pray."
Arthur stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he repeated. "This here noodle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered repeatedly, their lips quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger winked, ignoring Arthur's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearest a bottle of Gatorade," Arthur answered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of weighing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the bottle of Gatorade in front of the woman. The stranger despondently picked up the drink.
Energetically, Arthur grabbed the stranger by her arm, trying to kiss her passionately on her shoulder. The stranger sailed up, seized Arthur by the eyelash, and with a yappy raspberry, dragged him to a nearby carpet and turned him on his neck.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger comforted numbly. "The name's Crystal, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Arthur sputtered repeatedly until Crystal let go and curiously turned away with a vivacious guffaw. Suddenly, Arthur reached into his Panama hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cutie. I got something for you, doll."
Crystal turned sarcastically, drew her mace, and faced Arthur. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Ambitious? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other fondly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Arthur lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Arthur jeered coolly. "You got a lotta shoulders for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Crystal took his hand with a pensive wrinkled nose. "You know, twinkle toes, you're kinda wicked when you're angry."
Arthur chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another bottle of Gatorade," he giggled.