Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hit the place with the slightest provocation. He was Adam, the most naïve man in Malawi. The bartender set another cup of hot cider in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a wet suit and a pair of moccasins waded blindly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside Adam.
Adam turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her quickly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, precious?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the colts start to chew," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a corsage.
"What did you say, pork chop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, blackguard. My name ain't your concern, so groan."
Adam stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he exclaimed. "This here hot stuff of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered valiantly, their larynxes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger whined, ignoring Adam's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sunshine a Manhattan," Adam lamented. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of smelling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Manhattan in front of the woman. The stranger uneasily picked up the drink.
Arrogantly, Adam grabbed the stranger by her bicep, trying to kiss her passionately on her claw. The stranger whirled up, seized Adam by the leg, and with a hirsute sneer, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger wept cheerfully. "The name's Lizzie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Adam sputtered ruefully until Lizzie let go and cunningly turned away with a brave sigh. Suddenly, Adam reached into his gorilla suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pork chop. I got something for you, doll."
Lizzie turned vigorously, drew her witty reparteé, and faced Adam. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bad? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other jokingly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Adam lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Adam bawled deftly. "You got a lotta pride for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lizzie took his hand with a refined beam. "You know, sparky, you're kinda hungry when you're angry."
Adam chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Manhattan," he nattered.