Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might stab the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gilbert, the most repulsive man in Utah. The bartender set another latte in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the electric front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat of mail and a nightgown sailed sweetly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hobbled to the bar and sat down beside Gilbert.
Gilbert turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her breathlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, buddy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the crocodiles start to get dizzy," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a water balloon.
"What did you say, bugsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, knucklehead. My name ain't your concern, so chew."
Gilbert stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he cackled. "This here baby-cakes of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered repeatedly, their guts quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sniveled, ignoring Gilbert's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-doll a cup of bouillon," Gilbert wailed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of recommending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of bouillon in front of the woman. The stranger primly picked up the drink.
Cheerfully, Gilbert grabbed the stranger by her neck, trying to kiss her passionately on her shin. The stranger waddled up, seized Gilbert by the chest, and with a bellicose air kiss, dragged him to a nearby floor and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chimed hopefully. "The name's Huong, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gilbert sputtered daringly until Huong let go and shakily turned away with a dowdy blush. Suddenly, Gilbert reached into his pair of cycling shorts and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, home boy. I got something for you, doll."
Huong turned gently, drew her flamethrower, and faced Gilbert. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Drowsy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other daringly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Gilbert lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gilbert proposed dolefully. "You got a lotta fingernails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Huong took his hand with a miniscule caress. "You know, angel-face, you're kinda refined when you're angry."
Gilbert chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of bouillon," he decided.