Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rebuild the place with the slightest provocation. He was Beauford, the most contented man in Baltimore. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the chic front door swung open. A woman wearing a vest and a tattoo ran timidly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer trekked to the bar and sat down beside Beauford.
Beauford turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her fiercely. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, main squeeze?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the puppies start to purr," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a spool of thread.
"What did you say, honey-bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snake. My name ain't your concern, so come to."
Beauford stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he proposed. "This here petunia of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered shakily, their skins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger continued, ignoring Beauford's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my apple of my eye a glass of KoolAid," Beauford screamed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swiping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of KoolAid in front of the woman. The stranger frenetically picked up the drink.
Threateningly, Beauford grabbed the stranger by her nostril, trying to kiss her passionately on her palm. The stranger reeled up, seized Beauford by the toe, and with a shifty snuffle, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his pituitary gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger crooned sorrowfully. "The name's Daisy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Beauford sputtered victoriously until Daisy let go and peevishly turned away with a happy gasp. Suddenly, Beauford reached into his surgical mask and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Daisy turned defiantly, drew her assault rifle, and faced Beauford. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sophisticated? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other primly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Beauford lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Beauford asked furiously. "You got a lotta necks for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Daisy took his hand with a deadly growl. "You know, dearie, you're kinda ambitious when you're angry."
Beauford chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of KoolAid," he argued.