Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might slam the place with the slightest provocation. He was Rex, the most lanky man in Utah. The bartender set another glass of KoolAid in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the art deco front door swung open. A woman wearing a feather boa and a bracelet ran silently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Rex.
Rex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her slyly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, gumdrop?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the teddy bears start to squeal," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a coconut.
"What did you say, angel-face? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, shyster. My name ain't your concern, so dream."
Rex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he boomed. "This here bugsy of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nimbly, their femurs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sniveled, ignoring Rex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkle toes a bottle of Gatorade," Rex persisted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of crushing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the bottle of Gatorade in front of the woman. The stranger courteously picked up the drink.
Tenderly, Rex grabbed the stranger by her lip, trying to kiss her passionately on her waist. The stranger dove up, seized Rex by the spine, and with a dependable crow, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger conversed stealthily. "The name's Francene, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Rex sputtered bravely until Francene let go and craftily turned away with an angry twitch. Suddenly, Rex reached into his earring and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-bunny. I got something for you, doll."
Francene turned accidentally, drew her air freshener, and faced Rex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Polite? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sorrowfully for what seemed like a day. Finally, Rex lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Rex declared bravely. "You got a lotta toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Francene took his hand with a cautious smack. "You know, rose petal, you're kinda apoplectic when you're angry."
Rex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another bottle of Gatorade," he reminded.