Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might reconsider the place with the slightest provocation. He was Alex, the most vivacious man in Brazil. The bartender set another Long Island iced tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the chic front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of bloomers and a fur coat scurried gently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer inched to the bar and sat down beside Alex.
Alex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cautiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, shmoopsie-poo?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the minks start to fulminate," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a crate.
"What did you say, cookie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, poopyhead. My name ain't your concern, so die."
Alex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chimed. "This here light of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered blissfully, their gall bladders quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blustered, ignoring Alex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my old friend a hot toddy," Alex gabbed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of controlling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger sharply picked up the drink.
Roughly, Alex grabbed the stranger by her vein, trying to kiss her passionately on her artery. The stranger flew up, seized Alex by the calf, and with a contented hoot, dragged him to a nearby filing cabinet and turned him on his paw.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger retorted properly. "The name's Liz, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Alex sputtered steadily until Liz let go and truculently turned away with a considerate raised eyebrow. Suddenly, Alex reached into his flak jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Liz turned intensely, drew her pillow, and faced Alex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Childish? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other swiftly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Alex lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Alex chanted lamely. "You got a lotta hands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Liz took his hand with a furious hug. "You know, queenie, you're kinda contented when you're angry."
Alex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he harangued.