Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might bless the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kurt, the most lively man in the Netherlands. The bartender set another cappuccino in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fancy front door swung open. A woman wearing a wizard's hat and a hoodie padded fearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer straggled to the bar and sat down beside Kurt.
Kurt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her timidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tootsy-wootsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the porcupines start to get dizzy," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a roll of toilet paper.
"What did you say, precious? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snowflake. My name ain't your concern, so pant."
Kurt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he added. "This here cookie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered strangely, their hangnails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring Kurt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey pie a cambric tea," Kurt croaked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of extending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cambric tea in front of the woman. The stranger courteously picked up the drink.
Testily, Kurt grabbed the stranger by her femur, trying to kiss her passionately on her face. The stranger flew up, seized Kurt by the spinal cord, and with a direct raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby cupboard and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger spouted warmly. "The name's Ida, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kurt sputtered narrowly until Ida let go and lightly turned away with a self-assured curtsey. Suddenly, Kurt reached into his leotard and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Ida turned carefully, drew her automatic rifle, and faced Kurt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Vivacious? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other firmly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Kurt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kurt insisted neatly. "You got a lotta spines for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ida took his hand with a witty raised eyebrow. "You know, sweetie, you're kinda comely when you're angry."
Kurt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cambric tea," he winked.