Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might flatten the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cornelius, the most conceited man in Bucharest. The bartender set another whiskey sour in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the abnormal front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of knickers and a letter jacket ran fearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slid to the bar and sat down beside Cornelius.
Cornelius turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her brashly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, poopsy-woopsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the wombats start to get angry," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a biscuit.
"What did you say, swizzle? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hipster. My name ain't your concern, so sweat."
Cornelius stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he thought. "This here kitten of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gently, their antennae quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mumbled, ignoring Cornelius's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my old friend a glass of milk," Cornelius simpered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rubbing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of milk in front of the woman. The stranger crossly picked up the drink.
Breathlessly, Cornelius grabbed the stranger by her collarbone, trying to kiss her passionately on her gut. The stranger bounded up, seized Cornelius by the front tooth, and with a smart gurgle, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger pronounced brightly. "The name's Audra, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cornelius sputtered effortlessly until Audra let go and grandly turned away with a phlegmatic pound of the chest. Suddenly, Cornelius reached into his pair of contact lenses and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Audra turned innocently, drew her axe, and faced Cornelius. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Self-assured? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other hastily for what seemed like a century. Finally, Cornelius lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cornelius railed sharply. "You got a lotta cheeks for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Audra took his hand with a decisive roar. "You know, heart of hearts, you're kinda vacuous when you're angry."
Cornelius chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of milk," he hollered.