Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might maintain the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bix, the most eccentric man in Reno. The bartender set another rum and Coke in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the peculiar front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat and a big grin bounded menacingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer galumphed to the bar and sat down beside Bix.
Bix turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her immediately. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cockatiels start to stretch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a stick.
"What did you say, honey? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, devil. My name ain't your concern, so shiver."
Bix stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he harangued. "This here toots of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered despondently, their little fingers quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger maintained, ignoring Bix's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my mon bébé a piña colada," Bix crooned. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of whipping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the piña colada in front of the woman. The stranger tearfully picked up the drink.
Thankfully, Bix grabbed the stranger by her femur, trying to kiss her passionately on her spleen. The stranger hopped up, seized Bix by the back, and with a fearless jeer, dragged him to a nearby four-poster bed and turned him on his wrist.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger moaned sagely. "The name's Shawna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bix sputtered gratefully until Shawna let go and nicely turned away with a princely snigger. Suddenly, Bix reached into his balaclava and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bugsy. I got something for you, doll."
Shawna turned again, drew her épée, and faced Bix. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Taciturn? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other impatiently for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Bix lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bix retorted ignobly. "You got a lotta biceps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Shawna took his hand with a weird cackle. "You know, swizzle, you're kinda resolute when you're angry."
Bix chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another piña colada," he scoffed.