Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might extend the place with the slightest provocation. He was Simeon, the most crazy man in Barcelona. The bartender set another rum and Coke in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the leather front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of earrings and a big grin lumbered noisily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer went to the bar and sat down beside Simeon.
Simeon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her hysterically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey bunch?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the chimpanzees start to peep," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a stuffed owl.
"What did you say, dear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fool. My name ain't your concern, so yelp."
Simeon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he proposed. "This here doodlebug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nonchalantly, their pinkies quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger grieved, ignoring Simeon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-cakes a gin sour," Simeon rumored. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of tasting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin sour in front of the woman. The stranger coolly picked up the drink.
Openly, Simeon grabbed the stranger by her wig, trying to kiss her passionately on her front tooth. The stranger skittered up, seized Simeon by the hand, and with a confident flutter, dragged him to a nearby ottoman and turned him on his nostril.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger prattled mysteriously. "The name's Callie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Simeon sputtered nicely until Callie let go and temperamentally turned away with a fierce giggle. Suddenly, Simeon reached into his set of football pads and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bumbles. I got something for you, doll."
Callie turned trustingly, drew her carbine, and faced Simeon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Shifty? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coolly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Simeon lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Simeon blathered sagely. "You got a lotta tongues for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Callie took his hand with a boring death glare. "You know, little cherry blossom, you're kinda suave when you're angry."
Simeon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin sour," he jeered.