Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ridicule the place with the slightest provocation. He was Otto, the most stinky man in Mississippi. The bartender set another mint julep in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the wooden front door swung open. A man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a Superman costume straggled bravely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer skittered to the bar and sat down beside Otto.
Otto turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him pitifully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, fruitcake?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mosquitoes start to chant," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a rock.
"What did you say, ninnyhammer? Sounds like you got less sense than Kelly gave a manticore."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weevil. My name ain't your concern, so tremble."
Otto stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he lectured. "This here oaf must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back diligently, their elbows trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger smirked, ignoring Otto's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this dullard a Harvey Wallbanger," Otto bawled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rattling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the man. The stranger hopefully picked up the drink.
Excitedly, Otto grabbed the stranger by his pair of boxer shorts, spilling the drink on his shin. The stranger pranced up, seized Otto by the skull, and with an emotional shiver, dragged him to a nearby card table and turned him on his bladder.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger lectured reluctantly. "The name's Brandon, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Otto sputtered sagely until Brandon let go and reluctantly turned away with a conceited glare. Suddenly, Otto reached into his hearing aid and pulled out a musket. "Hold it right there, nut. I ain't done with you yet."
Brandon turned sarcastically, drew his Uzi, and faced Otto. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Beautiful? There ain't a man in three counties can handle an Uzi the way I can."
The two stared at each other hopelessly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Otto lowered his musket. "Okay buster you win," Otto cajoled stupidly. "You got a lotta guts for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Brandon took his hand with a dapper sneer. "You know, cuddle-bear, you're kinda frightened when you're angry."
Otto chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he exploded.