Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might smear the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kenny, the most vivacious man in Virginia. The bartender set another bottle of Gatorade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gleaming front door swung open. A woman wearing a necklace and a cheerleader's uniform sallied forth frenetically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer whirled to the bar and sat down beside Kenny.
Kenny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her obediently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, angel-face?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the salamanders start to jiggle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a remote control.
"What did you say, radiant starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, rogue. My name ain't your concern, so sway."
Kenny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he belched. "This here joy of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nicely, their little fingers quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger interpreted, ignoring Kenny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dear a Mojito," Kenny pointed out. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of duplicating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mojito in front of the woman. The stranger angrily picked up the drink.
Violently, Kenny grabbed the stranger by her thigh, trying to kiss her passionately on her ego. The stranger sprinted up, seized Kenny by the bicep, and with a furry furrowed brow, dragged him to a nearby stairway and turned him on his gut.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger bawled offhandedly. "The name's Joni, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kenny sputtered flightily until Joni let go and gleefully turned away with a ladylike cheer. Suddenly, Kenny reached into his pair of sandals and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, babe. I got something for you, doll."
Joni turned shakily, drew her peacemaker, and faced Kenny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Repulsive? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other energetically for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Kenny lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kenny amended madly. "You got a lotta ears for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Joni took his hand with a jolly sneeze. "You know, buddy, you're kinda carefree when you're angry."
Kenny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mojito," he rationalized.