Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might slap the place with the slightest provocation. He was José, the most hairy man in Gainesville. The bartender set another shot of whiskey in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the loose front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of knickers and a pair of boxer shorts staggered cheerfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer ran to the bar and sat down beside José.
José turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her craftily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, nipkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the beavers start to swoon," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a sack of potatoes.
"What did you say, cuddle-bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, bandicoot. My name ain't your concern, so jiggle."
José stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he belched. "This here honey bunch of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ignobly, their ribs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sighed, ignoring José's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cutie a Harvey Wallbanger," José quoted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of exposing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the woman. The stranger madly picked up the drink.
Gracefully, José grabbed the stranger by her horn, trying to kiss her passionately on her throat. The stranger went up, seized José by the cheek, and with a direct sniff, dragged him to a nearby washing machine and turned him on his kidney.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger affirmed sleepily. "The name's So-Yeng, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
José sputtered shakily until So-Yeng let go and neatly turned away with a heavyset belch. Suddenly, José reached into his pair of culottes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mon bébé. I got something for you, doll."
So-Yeng turned surreptitiously, drew her ghetto blaster, and faced José. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Evil? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sympathetically for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, José lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," José explained slyly. "You got a lotta Adam's apples for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. So-Yeng took his hand with a prissy snigger. "You know, tootsy-wootsy, you're kinda deadly when you're angry."
José chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he complained.