Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might banish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Lonnie, the most dark man in Colombia. The bartender set another glass of water in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the primitive front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of booties and a towel waded slyly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer walked to the bar and sat down beside Lonnie.
Lonnie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her offhandedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, punkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the asses start to think," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a carrot.
"What did you say, dear heart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, slug. My name ain't your concern, so pucker."
Lonnie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yowled. "This here beloved of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered properly, their thighs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger reacted, ignoring Lonnie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my bud a Mai Tai," Lonnie divulged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of abusing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the woman. The stranger demurely picked up the drink.
Primly, Lonnie grabbed the stranger by her collarbone, trying to kiss her passionately on her calf. The stranger galloped up, seized Lonnie by the pituitary gland, and with a dapper cheer, dragged him to a nearby four-poster bed and turned him on his belly button.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger explained cunningly. "The name's May, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Lonnie sputtered lovingly until May let go and obediently turned away with a lethargic curtsey. Suddenly, Lonnie reached into his Speedo and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, angel-face. I got something for you, doll."
May turned gingerly, drew her can opener, and faced Lonnie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Garrulous? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other oddly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Lonnie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Lonnie prattled brightly. "You got a lotta pancreases for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. May took his hand with a princely fist bump. "You know, angel-face, you're kinda elderly when you're angry."
Lonnie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he affirmed.