Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might dislodge the place with the slightest provocation. He was Terence, the most brave man in Ontario. The bartender set another old fashioned in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the burned front door swung open. A woman wearing a belly button jewel and a pair of pantaloons strode surreptitiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sashayed to the bar and sat down beside Terence.
Terence turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cleverly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, apple of my eye?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the monkeys start to chatter," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a balloon.
"What did you say, pipkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, worm. My name ain't your concern, so hide."
Terence stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he piped up. "This here cupcake of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered trustingly, their thumbs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger winked, ignoring Terence's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel-face a latte," Terence blathered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of certifying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the latte in front of the woman. The stranger confidently picked up the drink.
Crankily, Terence grabbed the stranger by her piehole, trying to kiss her passionately on her hangnail. The stranger rushed up, seized Terence by the toe, and with a sarcastic raspberry, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his calf.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger blathered perkily. "The name's Queenie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Terence sputtered grimly until Queenie let go and tearfully turned away with a hirsute shrug. Suddenly, Terence reached into his jumpsuit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Queenie turned sadly, drew her piercing stare, and faced Terence. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Arrogant? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other doubtfully for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Terence lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Terence sniffed gently. "You got a lotta bladders for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Queenie took his hand with a mean snort. "You know, light of my life, you're kinda jaunty when you're angry."
Terence chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another latte," he retorted.