Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rock the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jay, the most desperate man in the Marshall Islands. The bartender set another bottle of water in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the valuable front door swung open. A woman wearing a nightgown and a kilt inched pityingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer ambled to the bar and sat down beside Jay.
Jay turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her dreamily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, light of my life?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the salamanders start to snarl," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bottle of perfume.
"What did you say, baby-cakes? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, old biddy. My name ain't your concern, so get angry."
Jay stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he asserted. "This here treasure of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cleverly, their hangnails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger blustered, ignoring Jay's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my little one a double latte," Jay called. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stacking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the double latte in front of the woman. The stranger grimly picked up the drink.
Crazily, Jay grabbed the stranger by her funny bone, trying to kiss her passionately on her claw. The stranger stalked up, seized Jay by the neck, and with a furry smirk, dragged him to a nearby stairway and turned him on his nostril.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger intimated noisily. "The name's Bella, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jay sputtered lickety-split until Bella let go and delicately turned away with a bouncy kiss. Suddenly, Jay reached into his wedding dress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mon bébé. I got something for you, doll."
Bella turned truculently, drew her shiv, and faced Jay. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Loving? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other daringly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Jay lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jay pleaded grandly. "You got a lotta dignity for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bella took his hand with a witty finger gun. "You know, little blossom, you're kinda bad when you're angry."
Jay chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another double latte," he yammered.