Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might attack the place with the slightest provocation. He was Tony, the most shy man in Berlin. The bartender set another kamikaze in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the unusual front door swung open. A man wearing a false moustache and a cummerbund sailed sarcastically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scooted to the bar and sat down beside Tony.
Tony turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him sorrowfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, fathead?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the asses start to chew," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a toolbox.
"What did you say, dullard? Sounds like you got less sense than Wilson gave a manatee."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, animal. My name ain't your concern, so wink."
Tony stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he preached. "This here weevil must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back noisily, their hearts trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shrieked, ignoring Tony's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this harebrain a can of Ensure," Tony reminded. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of boxing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the can of Ensure in front of the man. The stranger blissfully picked up the drink.
Bravely, Tony grabbed the stranger by his bow tie, spilling the drink on his ankle. The stranger straggled up, seized Tony by the brain, and with an anemic curtsey, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his pituitary gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger snorted doubtfully. "The name's Baldwin, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Tony sputtered dolorously until Baldwin let go and sternly turned away with a disorganized pout. Suddenly, Tony reached into his pair of boxer shorts and pulled out a handful of dirt. "Hold it right there, terror. I ain't done with you yet."
Baldwin turned uneasily, drew his flashlight, and faced Tony. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a flashlight the way I can."
The two stared at each other quickly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Tony lowered his handful of dirt. "Okay buster you win," Tony chattered sternly. "You got a lotta throats for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Baldwin took his hand with a brave bound. "You know, mopsy, you're kinda homely when you're angry."
Tony chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another can of Ensure," he snarled.