Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pound the place with the slightest provocation. He was Spud, the most distressed man in Upper Mongolia. The bartender set another hot buttered rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the tiny front door swung open. A woman wearing a flak jacket and a gorilla suit stormed sharply into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crawled to the bar and sat down beside Spud.
Spud turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her surreptitiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pork chop?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the puppies start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hat.
"What did you say, sugar plum? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wretch. My name ain't your concern, so nod off."
Spud stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he hinted. "This here honey pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered deliberately, their eyeballs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yawned, ignoring Spud's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my knight in shining armor an ice cream soda," Spud exploded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of copying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the ice cream soda in front of the woman. The stranger cheerfully picked up the drink.
Impatiently, Spud grabbed the stranger by her dignity, trying to kiss her passionately on her nose. The stranger sneaked up, seized Spud by the carotid artery, and with an amiable snort, dragged him to a nearby hamper and turned him on his big toe.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger spewed truculently. "The name's Huong, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Spud sputtered suddenly until Huong let go and glibly turned away with a talkative wink. Suddenly, Spud reached into his cheerleader's uniform and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, radiant starlight. I got something for you, doll."
Huong turned pitifully, drew her rubber band, and faced Spud. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other suspiciously for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Spud lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Spud crooned valiantly. "You got a lotta knees for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Huong took his hand with a sober blush. "You know, babe, you're kinda sarcastic when you're angry."
Spud chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another ice cream soda," he declaimed.