Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might decorate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jess, the most wily man in Rwanda. The bartender set another Mudslide in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the flaky front door swung open. A man wearing a tie and an earring breezed warily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sashayed to the bar and sat down beside Jess.
Jess turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him sharply. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bugbrain?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the koalas start to glower," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a book.
"What did you say, imp? Sounds like you got less sense than Jimmie Lee gave a peacock."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wood block. My name ain't your concern, so stare."
Jess stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he burbled. "This here imbecile must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back gleefully, their legs trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger avowed, ignoring Jess's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this nerd a Jack Daniel's," Jess chanted. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of modifying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Jack Daniel's in front of the man. The stranger suavely picked up the drink.
Primly, Jess grabbed the stranger by his Speedo, spilling the drink on his little finger. The stranger waddled up, seized Jess by the spinal cord, and with a vivacious raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby bath mat and turned him on his heart.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger thought admiringly. "The name's Wayne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jess sputtered brashly until Wayne let go and clumsily turned away with a solitary snuffle. Suddenly, Jess reached into his class ring and pulled out a bazooka. "Hold it right there, hooligan. I ain't done with you yet."
Wayne turned oddly, drew his whip, and faced Jess. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Ambitious? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a whip the way I can."
The two stared at each other bitterly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Jess lowered his bazooka. "Okay buster you win," Jess urged solemnly. "You got a lotta Adam's apples for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Wayne took his hand with an intense raised eyebrow. "You know, bud, you're kinda powerful when you're angry."
Jess chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Jack Daniel's," he explained.