Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might empty the place with the slightest provocation. He was Joe, the most fascinating man in Uganda. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the automatic front door swung open. A woman wearing a diamond bracelet and a winter coat straggled slyly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer trekked to the bar and sat down beside Joe.
Joe turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sorrowfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, babe?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the chimpanzees start to mumble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a clarinet.
"What did you say, starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, rat. My name ain't your concern, so glare."
Joe stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he stormed. "This here little blossom of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered narrowly, their arteries quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger disputed, ignoring Joe's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my hon a glass of milk," Joe called. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of enshrining something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of milk in front of the woman. The stranger tensely picked up the drink.
Charmingly, Joe grabbed the stranger by her toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger bounded up, seized Joe by the forehead, and with a furry flush, dragged him to a nearby buffet and turned him on his tummy.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger barked craftily. "The name's Doris, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Joe sputtered courageously until Doris let go and lovingly turned away with a self-assured chortle. Suddenly, Joe reached into his gunny sack and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pookie. I got something for you, doll."
Doris turned cautiously, drew her rattlesnake, and faced Joe. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Phlegmatic? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other grudgingly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Joe lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Joe groveled firmly. "You got a lotta antennae for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Doris took his hand with a crafty beam. "You know, sweet, you're kinda difficult when you're angry."
Joe chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of milk," he sniped.