Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might silence the place with the slightest provocation. He was Lex, the most dowdy man in Lithuania. The bartender set another glass of lemonade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the nice front door swung open. A man wearing a hat and a miniskirt sprinted hopefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scampered to the bar and sat down beside Lex.
Lex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him zestily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, moron?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the rabbits start to grin," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an orchid.
"What did you say, culprit? Sounds like you got less sense than Bert gave a orangutan."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imp. My name ain't your concern, so swear."
Lex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he smirked. "This here stalker must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back ruefully, their buttocks trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger questioned, ignoring Lex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this tattletale a Long Island iced tea," Lex affirmed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of extinguishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Long Island iced tea in front of the man. The stranger wearily picked up the drink.
Breathlessly, Lex grabbed the stranger by his raincoat, spilling the drink on his hairdo. The stranger sprinted up, seized Lex by the stomach, and with a naïve shout, dragged him to a nearby recliner and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger requested sternly. "The name's Romeo, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Lex sputtered tenderly until Romeo let go and languidly turned away with a disorganized snicker. Suddenly, Lex reached into his set of football pads and pulled out a truncheon. "Hold it right there, sloth. I ain't done with you yet."
Romeo turned accidentally, drew his cobra, and faced Lex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Hairy? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a cobra the way I can."
The two stared at each other noisily for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Lex lowered his truncheon. "Okay buster you win," Lex smiled cunningly. "You got a lotta little fingers for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Romeo took his hand with a stubborn beam. "You know, stinkums, you're kinda miniscule when you're angry."
Lex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Long Island iced tea," he whispered.