Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might grip the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jeremy, the most dumb man in Uganda. The bartender set another old fashioned in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the original front door swung open. A man wearing an overcoat and a set of camo fatigues danced needlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer climbed to the bar and sat down beside Jeremy.
Jeremy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him slyly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, wastrel?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the sloths start to shiver," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paperclip.
"What did you say, lubberly lout? Sounds like you got less sense than Rico gave a wallaby."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, jerk. My name ain't your concern, so show up."
Jeremy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he whispered. "This here turkey must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back woodenly, their chests trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mused, ignoring Jeremy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this punk a gin and tonic," Jeremy bellowed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of leaving something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin and tonic in front of the man. The stranger pityingly picked up the drink.
Viciously, Jeremy grabbed the stranger by his bow tie, spilling the drink on his finger. The stranger sashayed up, seized Jeremy by the brain, and with an adorable snarl, dragged him to a nearby ironing board and turned him on his forehead.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger shouted majestically. "The name's Morgan, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jeremy sputtered anxiously until Morgan let go and impatiently turned away with a daring bound. Suddenly, Jeremy reached into his armband and pulled out a piercing stare. "Hold it right there, ignoramous. I ain't done with you yet."
Morgan turned bravely, drew his roll of duct tape, and faced Jeremy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Funny? There ain't a man in three counties can handle a roll of duct tape the way I can."
The two stared at each other awkwardly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Jeremy lowered his piercing stare. "Okay buster you win," Jeremy requested automatically. "You got a lotta toenails for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Morgan took his hand with a hysterical snigger. "You know, dearie, you're kinda urbane when you're angry."
Jeremy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin and tonic," he boasted.