Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might pulverize the place with the slightest provocation. He was Rocket, the most noxious man in Lubbock. The bartender set another Brandy Alexander in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fancy front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of contact lenses and a suit strode smoothly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer stalked to the bar and sat down beside Rocket.
Rocket turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her viciously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, light of my life?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the deer start to do nothing," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an orange.
"What did you say, old bean? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ne'er-do-well. My name ain't your concern, so clear out."
Rocket stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he informed. "This here dear heart of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered humbly, their eyeballs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger comforted, ignoring Rocket's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gumdrop a secret potion," Rocket declaimed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hooking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the secret potion in front of the woman. The stranger jokingly picked up the drink.
Numbly, Rocket grabbed the stranger by her pituitary gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her little toe. The stranger scooted up, seized Rocket by the carotid artery, and with a weird snort, dragged him to a nearby canopy bed and turned him on his face.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger cried testily. "The name's Marya, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Rocket sputtered cautiously until Marya let go and dubiously turned away with a coy fist bump. Suddenly, Rocket reached into his miniskirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar-bun. I got something for you, doll."
Marya turned blindly, drew her lead pipe, and faced Rocket. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Melancholic? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other immediately for what seemed like a second. Finally, Rocket lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Rocket sobbed tensely. "You got a lotta calves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marya took his hand with a rugged chuckle. "You know, doll, you're kinda cautious when you're angry."
Rocket chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another secret potion," he reminded.