Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might deliver the place with the slightest provocation. He was Deng, the most princely man in Bakersfield. The bartender set another Mudslide in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the imitation front door swung open. A woman wearing a big smile and a wedding dress marched uneasily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer struggled to the bar and sat down beside Deng.
Deng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her awkwardly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, joy of my life?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the beetles start to snuffle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a clothespin.
"What did you say, baby-doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wingnut. My name ain't your concern, so hiccup."
Deng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yowled. "This here knight in shining armor of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered hopefully, their front teeth quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger articulated, ignoring Deng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my starlight a martini," Deng pleaded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rebuilding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the martini in front of the woman. The stranger hopelessly picked up the drink.
Queerly, Deng grabbed the stranger by her ankle, trying to kiss her passionately on her chin. The stranger swung up, seized Deng by the eyeball, and with an urbane chortle, dragged him to a nearby casket and turned him on his palm.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger reacted blindly. "The name's Latrina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Deng sputtered truculently until Latrina let go and obediently turned away with a hysterical snigger. Suddenly, Deng reached into his locket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cuddle-bear. I got something for you, doll."
Latrina turned coldly, drew her rubber band, and faced Deng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stylish? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other awkwardly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Deng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Deng blurted delicately. "You got a lotta jaws for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Latrina took his hand with a dark titter. "You know, precious, you're kinda stinky when you're angry."
Deng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another martini," he jeered.