Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might annoint the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cosmo, the most obnoxious man in Cuba. The bartender set another martini in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the grubby front door swung open. A man wearing a jacket and a motorcycle helmet slid proudly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer zipped to the bar and sat down beside Cosmo.
Cosmo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him sadly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, chump?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mongeese start to roll," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a notebook.
"What did you say, ding dong? Sounds like you got less sense than Robin gave a crab."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ignoramous. My name ain't your concern, so cheer."
Cosmo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chortled. "This here gump must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back grandly, their earlobes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger uttered, ignoring Cosmo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this dumbbell a milkshake," Cosmo repeated. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of compressing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the milkshake in front of the man. The stranger nonchalantly picked up the drink.
Urgently, Cosmo grabbed the stranger by his 'I'm with Stupid' shirt, spilling the drink on his bladder. The stranger sallied forth up, seized Cosmo by the dignity, and with a monstrous chortle, dragged him to a nearby counter and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger purred truculently. "The name's Louis, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cosmo sputtered openly until Louis let go and urgently turned away with a frumpy shrug. Suddenly, Cosmo reached into his straitjacket and pulled out a supply of courage. "Hold it right there, ninny. I ain't done with you yet."
Louis turned later, drew his lifesaver, and faced Cosmo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Intelligent? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a lifesaver the way I can."
The two stared at each other sheepishly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Cosmo lowered his supply of courage. "Okay buster you win," Cosmo chortled boldly. "You got a lotta thoraxes for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Louis took his hand with a brilliant chuckle. "You know, doll, you're kinda charming when you're angry."
Cosmo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another milkshake," he insisted.