Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strike the place with the slightest provocation. He was Walt, the most proud man in Costa Rica. The bartender set another Mai Tai in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rare front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of bell-bottoms and a beanie jumped courageously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer staggered to the bar and sat down beside Walt.
Walt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her queerly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, turtle dove?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elk start to leer," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a dish.
"What did you say, homie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imp. My name ain't your concern, so talk."
Walt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he ranted. "This here light of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered suddenly, their pancreases quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger implored, ignoring Walt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my darling a mint julep," Walt judged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of crushing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the mint julep in front of the woman. The stranger unnaturally picked up the drink.
Hungrily, Walt grabbed the stranger by her bladder, trying to kiss her passionately on her cheek. The stranger jumped up, seized Walt by the beard, and with a brassy squint, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger begged coolly. "The name's Meg, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Walt sputtered frenetically until Meg let go and fearfully turned away with a lazy woof. Suddenly, Walt reached into his negligee and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie. I got something for you, doll."
Meg turned wildly, drew her broadsword, and faced Walt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. High-strung? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other caustically for what seemed like a year. Finally, Walt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Walt comforted wryly. "You got a lotta ears for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Meg took his hand with a statuesque pound of the chest. "You know, hon, you're kinda agile when you're angry."
Walt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another mint julep," he called.