Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might smell the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gino, the most demented man in Detroit. The bartender set another Jack Daniel's in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striped front door swung open. A woman wearing a pith helmet and a pair of heels zoomed boldly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer reeled to the bar and sat down beside Gino.
Gino turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her openly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little one?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the robots start to knit," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a crutch.
"What did you say, moonbeam? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wuss. My name ain't your concern, so snuffle."
Gino stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniveled. "This here honey-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered dubiously, their hairdos quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring Gino's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my lover a cambric tea," Gino exploded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of extinguishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cambric tea in front of the woman. The stranger threateningly picked up the drink.
Cunningly, Gino grabbed the stranger by her artery, trying to kiss her passionately on her paw. The stranger rolled up, seized Gino by the gut, and with a slimy shiver, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his bicep.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger exclaimed unabashedly. "The name's Gertrude, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gino sputtered languidly until Gertrude let go and shyly turned away with a timid coo. Suddenly, Gino reached into his letter jacket and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cuddle-bear. I got something for you, doll."
Gertrude turned gracefully, drew her roll of duct tape, and faced Gino. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Presumptuous? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lamely for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Gino lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gino begged daintily. "You got a lotta eyelids for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Gertrude took his hand with a slimy cackle. "You know, twinkles, you're kinda shy when you're angry."
Gino chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cambric tea," he added.