Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might overturn the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bub, the most dowdy man in New York. The bartender set another glass of papaya juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the charming front door swung open. A woman wearing a gas mask and a letter jacket strode frenetically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer padded to the bar and sat down beside Bub.
Bub turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her patiently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, main squeeze?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the basset hounds start to back up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pencil sharpener.
"What did you say, little cherry blossom? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dork. My name ain't your concern, so clap."
Bub stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he revealed. "This here babe of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered warily, their legs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger harangued, ignoring Bub's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snookums a gin fizz," Bub barked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of analyzing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin fizz in front of the woman. The stranger repeatedly picked up the drink.
Recklessly, Bub grabbed the stranger by her dignity, trying to kiss her passionately on her kneecap. The stranger flounced up, seized Bub by the hangnail, and with a considerate flush, dragged him to a nearby card table and turned him on his spinal cord.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quoted dolorously. "The name's Fiona, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bub sputtered slyly until Fiona let go and happily turned away with a repulsive fist bump. Suddenly, Bub reached into his beanie and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pumpkin. I got something for you, doll."
Fiona turned openly, drew her magic spell, and faced Bub. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sanguine? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other openly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Bub lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bub crooned miserably. "You got a lotta carotid arteries for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Fiona took his hand with a sober guffaw. "You know, starlight, you're kinda pensive when you're angry."
Bub chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin fizz," he blathered.