Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might shrink the place with the slightest provocation. He was Garth, the most sleepy man in Podunk Hollow. The bartender set another dose of cod liver oil in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crude front door swung open. A woman wearing a Superman costume and a jacket straggled effortlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer leapt to the bar and sat down beside Garth.
Garth turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her strictly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, twinkie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dogs start to faint," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a coconut.
"What did you say, old friend? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dimwit. My name ain't your concern, so raise an eyebrow."
Garth stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yelled. "This here noodle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered queerly, their carotid arteries quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger fumed, ignoring Garth's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my pet a cup of tea," Garth mentioned. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of ignoring something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of tea in front of the woman. The stranger softly picked up the drink.
Fondly, Garth grabbed the stranger by her claw, trying to kiss her passionately on her hangnail. The stranger scooted up, seized Garth by the piehole, and with a resolute cringe, dragged him to a nearby couch and turned him on his ankle.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger intimated gingerly. "The name's Bobbie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Garth sputtered vigorously until Bobbie let go and stupidly turned away with a nervous tear. Suddenly, Garth reached into his headscarf and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, toodleums. I got something for you, doll."
Bobbie turned tearfully, drew her photon torpedo, and faced Garth. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Furious? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other crankily for what seemed like a day. Finally, Garth lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Garth realized reluctantly. "You got a lotta guts for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bobbie took his hand with a ladylike furrowed brow. "You know, precious, you're kinda perky when you're angry."
Garth chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of tea," he fretted.