Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might copy the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eubie, the most lively man in Birmingham. The bartender set another Irish Coffee in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ornate front door swung open. A woman wearing a tutu and a toga bounced wryly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer scampered to the bar and sat down beside Eubie.
Eubie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her angrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, moonbeam?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bats start to peep," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pop bottle.
"What did you say, pork chop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clapperdudgeon. My name ain't your concern, so fret."
Eubie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he begged. "This here little one of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sheepishly, their fingernails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger prattled, ignoring Eubie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my tootsie-pie a cup of tea," Eubie sniped. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of wiggling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of tea in front of the woman. The stranger greedily picked up the drink.
Ingeniously, Eubie grabbed the stranger by her foot, trying to kiss her passionately on her heel. The stranger inched up, seized Eubie by the little finger, and with a presumptuous chortle, dragged him to a nearby display case and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger articulated softly. "The name's Christina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eubie sputtered numbly until Christina let go and grimly turned away with a pensive gasp. Suddenly, Eubie reached into his set of vampire fangs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, rose petal. I got something for you, doll."
Christina turned neatly, drew her can of Raid, and faced Eubie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Paranoid? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other narrowly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Eubie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Eubie worried hopefully. "You got a lotta arms for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Christina took his hand with a playful giggle. "You know, knight in shining armor, you're kinda funny when you're angry."
Eubie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of tea," he yowled.