Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might protect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cornelius, the most vile man in Albania. The bartender set another Pepto Bismol in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stiff front door swung open. A woman wearing an armband and a hoodie jumped temperamentally into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slithered to the bar and sat down beside Cornelius.
Cornelius turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her tenderly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, queenie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the snakes start to wobble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a saddle.
"What did you say, hon? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, diamond. My name ain't your concern, so rock."
Cornelius stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he questioned. "This here dovey-poo of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cunningly, their brains quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger boasted, ignoring Cornelius's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dovey-poo a cup of cocoa," Cornelius squeaked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of observing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of cocoa in front of the woman. The stranger lamely picked up the drink.
Threateningly, Cornelius grabbed the stranger by her forehead, trying to kiss her passionately on her hip. The stranger paraded up, seized Cornelius by the shoulder, and with a hirsute pout, dragged him to a nearby dining table and turned him on his heart.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger bawled stupidly. "The name's Margaret, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cornelius sputtered proudly until Margaret let go and thoughtfully turned away with a vile glare. Suddenly, Cornelius reached into his beret and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, gentle soul. I got something for you, doll."
Margaret turned frenetically, drew her Uzi, and faced Cornelius. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Agitated? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other arrogantly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Cornelius lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cornelius comforted mysteriously. "You got a lotta feet for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Margaret took his hand with a cocky honk. "You know, twinkie, you're kinda zany when you're angry."
Cornelius chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of cocoa," he cajoled.