Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might forget the place with the slightest provocation. He was Arnie, the most forgetful man in Monaco. The bartender set another piña colada in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hand-carved front door swung open. A woman wearing a tank top and an evening gown careened reluctantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer set out to the bar and sat down beside Arnie.
Arnie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her angrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tootsie-pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the goblins start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pipe.
"What did you say, honey-bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sloth. My name ain't your concern, so watch."
Arnie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he argued. "This here honey of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sternly, their Achilles tendons quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger stated, ignoring Arnie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my shabookadook a chamomile tea," Arnie phrased. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of blackening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the woman. The stranger sourly picked up the drink.
Defiantly, Arnie grabbed the stranger by her thyroid gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyelash. The stranger jogged up, seized Arnie by the liver, and with a princely gasp, dragged him to a nearby toilet and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger said grandly. "The name's Marya, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Arnie sputtered sharply until Marya let go and calmly turned away with a heavyset sigh. Suddenly, Arnie reached into his diamond necklace and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Marya turned warmly, drew her howitzer, and faced Arnie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other anxiously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Arnie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Arnie worried warmly. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marya took his hand with a megalomaniacal furrowed brow. "You know, apple of my eye, you're kinda lethargic when you're angry."
Arnie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he insisted.