Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might protect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Geoffrey, the most disgusting man in the United Kingdom. The bartender set another mint julep in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hand-painted front door swung open. A woman wearing a visor and a beanie strode zestily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strolled to the bar and sat down beside Geoffrey.
Geoffrey turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her awkwardly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, princess?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mongeese start to nod," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bouquet.
"What did you say, stinkums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scalawag. My name ain't your concern, so grunt."
Geoffrey stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sniped. "This here bumbles of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered temperamentally, their elbows quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger barked, ignoring Geoffrey's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my toots a double latte," Geoffrey chimed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of shaking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the double latte in front of the woman. The stranger daintily picked up the drink.
Hungrily, Geoffrey grabbed the stranger by her Achilles tendon, trying to kiss her passionately on her pancreas. The stranger padded up, seized Geoffrey by the funny bone, and with a spindly smile, dragged him to a nearby filing cabinet and turned him on his hairdo.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger roared swiftly. "The name's Sissy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Geoffrey sputtered pityingly until Sissy let go and slowly turned away with a rude shout. Suddenly, Geoffrey reached into his bathrobe and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cutie-patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Sissy turned numbly, drew her air rifle, and faced Geoffrey. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Poised? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other glibly for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Geoffrey lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Geoffrey chattered quickly. "You got a lotta teeth for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Sissy took his hand with an ungainly twitch. "You know, shmoopsie-poo, you're kinda elderly when you're angry."
Geoffrey chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another double latte," he hinted.