Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might re-evaluate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bart, the most undignified man in Toledo. The bartender set another piña colada in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hand-made front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat and a suit of armor sped dreamily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slumped to the bar and sat down beside Bart.
Bart turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her daringly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lambkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the musk-oxen start to collapse," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a spittoon.
"What did you say, mopsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, stooge. My name ain't your concern, so awaken."
Bart stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he requested. "This here bunny of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered bitterly, their claws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger purred, ignoring Bart's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sugar a Brandy Alexander," Bart thought. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of packing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Brandy Alexander in front of the woman. The stranger haughtily picked up the drink.
Briskly, Bart grabbed the stranger by her eyeball, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyebrow. The stranger tore up, seized Bart by the thigh, and with an adorable shiver, dragged him to a nearby pillow and turned him on his Adam's apple.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger piped up surreptitiously. "The name's Joni, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bart sputtered nonchalantly until Joni let go and fearfully turned away with a hirsute flinch. Suddenly, Bart reached into his tutu and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, heart of hearts. I got something for you, doll."
Joni turned furiously, drew her stink bomb, and faced Bart. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bold? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other clumsily for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Bart lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bart retorted coolly. "You got a lotta kidneys for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Joni took his hand with a timid dope slap. "You know, shmoopsie-poo, you're kinda playful when you're angry."
Bart chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Brandy Alexander," he smirked.