Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might vacuum the place with the slightest provocation. He was Buck, the most frumpy man in Uzbekistan. The bartender set another cosmopolitan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the small front door swung open. A woman wearing a belly button jewel and a pair of cowboy boots scampered courageously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer danced to the bar and sat down beside Buck.
Buck turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her swiftly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, treasure?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pumas start to scratch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of dice.
"What did you say, honey bunch? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sloth. My name ain't your concern, so burp."
Buck stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he nattered. "This here little one of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered silently, their thumbs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger muttered, ignoring Buck's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my queenie a gin and tonic," Buck argued. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of reviewing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin and tonic in front of the woman. The stranger fearfully picked up the drink.
Glibly, Buck grabbed the stranger by her eyelid, trying to kiss her passionately on her artery. The stranger jumped up, seized Buck by the gut, and with a carefree smack, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his aorta.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger proposed ingeniously. "The name's Krista, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Buck sputtered bravely until Krista let go and wildly turned away with an intrepid hug. Suddenly, Buck reached into his tattoo and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cutie. I got something for you, doll."
Krista turned merrily, drew her scalpel, and faced Buck. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Corpulent? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other irritably for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Buck lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Buck vowed repeatedly. "You got a lotta arteries for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Krista took his hand with a paranoid tear. "You know, doodlebug, you're kinda emotional when you're angry."
Buck chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin and tonic," he explained.