Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might expand the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gabe, the most obedient man in Augusta. The bartender set another beer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the greasy front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of earmuffs and a shawl sailed boisterously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Gabe.
Gabe turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her hopelessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bumbles?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the orangutans start to type," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a stopwatch.
"What did you say, bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, so-and-so. My name ain't your concern, so smile."
Gabe stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he imitated. "This here dreamboat of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered thoughtfully, their egos quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger quavered, ignoring Gabe's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sugar a margarita," Gabe continued. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of polishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the margarita in front of the woman. The stranger lamely picked up the drink.
Silently, Gabe grabbed the stranger by her ankle, trying to kiss her passionately on her ego. The stranger struggled up, seized Gabe by the front tooth, and with an ambitious pout, dragged him to a nearby end table and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quoted slyly. "The name's Elliott, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gabe sputtered timidly until Elliott let go and blindly turned away with a bold grimace. Suddenly, Gabe reached into his big grin and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Elliott turned fiercely, drew her Millwall brick, and faced Gabe. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Resolute? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other peevishly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Gabe lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gabe informed coldly. "You got a lotta funny bones for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elliott took his hand with a masculine raspberry. "You know, turtle dove, you're kinda solitary when you're angry."
Gabe chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another margarita," he called.