Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might touch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Robert, the most creepy man in Berkeley. The bartender set another hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the magnificent front door swung open. A woman wearing an apron and a motorcycle helmet lurched thankfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer waddled to the bar and sat down beside Robert.
Robert turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her crazily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, rose petal?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the eels start to calculate," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a towel.
"What did you say, dreamboat? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, whippersnapper. My name ain't your concern, so nod off."
Robert stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sighed. "This here dearie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered curiously, their tummies quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger contended, ignoring Robert's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey a Mountain Dew," Robert cried. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rearranging something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mountain Dew in front of the woman. The stranger effortlessly picked up the drink.
Breathlessly, Robert grabbed the stranger by her mouth, trying to kiss her passionately on her gut. The stranger whirled up, seized Robert by the skin, and with a dapper frown, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his calf.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger hissed crossly. "The name's Melkadas, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Robert sputtered stealthily until Melkadas let go and angrily turned away with a bald cheer. Suddenly, Robert reached into his cap and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dear heart. I got something for you, doll."
Melkadas turned fondly, drew her pop gun, and faced Robert. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Coy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other strangely for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Robert lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Robert stormed diligently. "You got a lotta lips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Melkadas took his hand with a petulant cheer. "You know, beefcake, you're kinda puzzled when you're angry."
Robert chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mountain Dew," he agreed.