Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might uncover the place with the slightest provocation. He was Charlie, the most enthusiastic man in the Philippines. The bartender set another Tom and Jerry in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a bib and a sport coat sashayed swiftly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sashayed to the bar and sat down beside Charlie.
Charlie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gingerly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pumpkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the manatees start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a china doll.
"What did you say, gentle soul? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wretch. My name ain't your concern, so wiggle."
Charlie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he fantasized. "This here Pinky of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered repeatedly, their kidneys quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger conversed, ignoring Charlie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey bunch an Alka-Seltzer," Charlie urged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of stabilizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Alka-Seltzer in front of the woman. The stranger violently picked up the drink.
Curiously, Charlie grabbed the stranger by her eyelid, trying to kiss her passionately on her tail. The stranger paraded up, seized Charlie by the little toe, and with a bellicose coo, dragged him to a nearby ironing board and turned him on his chest.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger urged awkwardly. "The name's Elena, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Charlie sputtered dubiously until Elena let go and rapidly turned away with an apoplectic grin. Suddenly, Charlie reached into his cardigan and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, poopsie. I got something for you, doll."
Elena turned fondly, drew her scalpel, and faced Charlie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Agile? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other merrily for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Charlie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Charlie breathed stealthily. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elena took his hand with a modest honk. "You know, dear heart, you're kinda cautious when you're angry."
Charlie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Alka-Seltzer," he yawned.