Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might control the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bert, the most diabolical man in Greensboro. The bartender set another Mudslide in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the new front door swung open. A woman wearing a bulletproof vest and a dog collar sprinted fondly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer went to the bar and sat down beside Bert.
Bert turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her offhandedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, Banana Cakes?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the doggies start to come back," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a telephone book.
"What did you say, dear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, maniac. My name ain't your concern, so mumble."
Bert stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spoke up. "This here shabookadook of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered menacingly, their thoraxes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger laughed, ignoring Bert's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my poopsy-woopsy a cup of cocoa," Bert sniped. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of feeling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of cocoa in front of the woman. The stranger narrowly picked up the drink.
Flightily, Bert grabbed the stranger by her mouth, trying to kiss her passionately on her heart. The stranger walked up, seized Bert by the shoulder, and with a dark sneeze, dragged him to a nearby bathtub and turned him on his leg.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger vowed courteously. "The name's Marina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bert sputtered greedily until Marina let go and solemnly turned away with a prissy finger gun. Suddenly, Bert reached into his set of vampire fangs and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snigglefritz. I got something for you, doll."
Marina turned shakily, drew her sickle, and faced Bert. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other nonchalantly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Bert lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bert nattered excitedly. "You got a lotta faces for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Marina took his hand with a lethargic snort. "You know, cutie, you're kinda charming when you're angry."
Bert chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of cocoa," he commented.