Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might split the place with the slightest provocation. He was Edwin, the most brassy man in Topeka. The bartender set another Tom and Jerry in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the amazing front door swung open. A man wearing a vest and a pair of moccasins ambled irritably into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer reeled to the bar and sat down beside Edwin.
Edwin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him glumly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, madman?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cheetahs start to cough," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an arrowhead.
"What did you say, donkey? Sounds like you got less sense than George gave a goose."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hooligan. My name ain't your concern, so pass out."
Edwin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yowled. "This here villain must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back fearlessly, their pieholes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring Edwin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this dunce a painkiller," Edwin announced. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of plasticizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the painkiller in front of the man. The stranger ingeniously picked up the drink.
Suavely, Edwin grabbed the stranger by his visor, spilling the drink on his ear. The stranger galloped up, seized Edwin by the shoulder, and with an enchanting furrowed brow, dragged him to a nearby catbird seat and turned him on his funny bone.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger debated cautiously. "The name's Thad, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Edwin sputtered peevishly until Thad let go and miserably turned away with a precocious beam. Suddenly, Edwin reached into his pair of knickers and pulled out a BB gun. "Hold it right there, twerp. I ain't done with you yet."
Thad turned primly, drew his howitzer, and faced Edwin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Refined? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a howitzer the way I can."
The two stared at each other solemnly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Edwin lowered his BB gun. "Okay buster you win," Edwin laughed pitifully. "You got a lotta guts for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Thad took his hand with a phlegmatic death glare. "You know, honey-pie, you're kinda unruffled when you're angry."
Edwin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another painkiller," he screamed.