Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rotate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Alexander, the most jolly man in Singapore. The bartender set another hot chocolate in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stolen front door swung open. A man wearing a set of scrubs and a bulletproof vest jogged sharply into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer waddled to the bar and sat down beside Alexander.
Alexander turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him irritably. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, monster?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mules start to get rigid," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fire hose.
"What did you say, wimp? Sounds like you got less sense than Bud gave a poodle."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weenie. My name ain't your concern, so screech."
Alexander stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he wailed. "This here snitch must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back courageously, their bellies trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger disputed, ignoring Alexander's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this hog a fruit smoothie," Alexander screeched. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of decorating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the fruit smoothie in front of the man. The stranger deftly picked up the drink.
Softly, Alexander grabbed the stranger by his diaper, spilling the drink on his neck. The stranger set out up, seized Alexander by the tail, and with a direct frown, dragged him to a nearby dining table and turned him on his heart.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger reasoned impatiently. "The name's Ron, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Alexander sputtered majestically until Ron let go and sadly turned away with a rugged snigger. Suddenly, Alexander reached into his pair of Oxfords and pulled out a bad breath. "Hold it right there, blackguard. I ain't done with you yet."
Ron turned warily, drew his air rifle, and faced Alexander. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Fearless? There ain't a man in three counties can handle an air rifle the way I can."
The two stared at each other tearfully for what seemed like a month. Finally, Alexander lowered his bad breath. "Okay buster you win," Alexander winked lovingly. "You got a lotta aortas for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Ron took his hand with a cantankerous wink. "You know, dovey-poo, you're kinda contented when you're angry."
Alexander chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another fruit smoothie," he laughed.