Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might re-evaluate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Johnny, the most cunning man in Newark. The bartender set another fruit smoothie in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the clean front door swung open. A man wearing a wizard's hat and an award medal lumbered busily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lurched to the bar and sat down beside Johnny.
Johnny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him curiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, worm?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the gophers start to peep," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a grease gun.
"What did you say, boor? Sounds like you got less sense than Vinny gave a salamander."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, moonie. My name ain't your concern, so gaze."
Johnny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he clarified. "This here kook must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back speedily, their skins trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yawned, ignoring Johnny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this magpie a Jack Daniel's," Johnny smiled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of considering something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Jack Daniel's in front of the man. The stranger peevishly picked up the drink.
Woodenly, Johnny grabbed the stranger by his locket, spilling the drink on his paw. The stranger crept up, seized Johnny by the appendix, and with a puzzled titter, dragged him to a nearby carpet and turned him on his kidney.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger sighed deftly. "The name's Leroy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Johnny sputtered ruefully until Leroy let go and resignedly turned away with a blubbery smirk. Suddenly, Johnny reached into his pair of jackboots and pulled out a lead pipe. "Hold it right there, troglodyte. I ain't done with you yet."
Leroy turned nonchalantly, drew his supply of courage, and faced Johnny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Big? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a supply of courage the way I can."
The two stared at each other wryly for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Johnny lowered his lead pipe. "Okay buster you win," Johnny boomed reluctantly. "You got a lotta intestines for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Leroy took his hand with a sleepy smile. "You know, big lug, you're kinda apoplectic when you're angry."
Johnny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Jack Daniel's," he vouched.