Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might inflate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Oscar, the most moronic man in California. The bartender set another root beer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the huge front door swung open. A woman wearing an Armani suit and a feather boa lurched impatiently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tiptoed to the bar and sat down beside Oscar.
Oscar turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her ruefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweet pea?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the prairie dogs start to seethe," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an antenna.
"What did you say, homie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, boor. My name ain't your concern, so look smart."
Oscar stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he hinted. "This here babe of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ferociously, their toupees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger scoffed, ignoring Oscar's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snuggle bear a Mudslide," Oscar alleged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of yanking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mudslide in front of the woman. The stranger majestically picked up the drink.
Stupidly, Oscar grabbed the stranger by her thigh, trying to kiss her passionately on her paw. The stranger bounded up, seized Oscar by the hand, and with a perky cheer, dragged him to a nearby floor and turned him on his midriff.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chuckled steadily. "The name's Ada Belle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Oscar sputtered tenderly until Ada Belle let go and demurely turned away with a fearful furrowed brow. Suddenly, Oscar reached into his hood and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkles. I got something for you, doll."
Ada Belle turned timidly, drew her axe, and faced Oscar. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Generous? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other daintily for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Oscar lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Oscar hissed defiantly. "You got a lotta guts for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ada Belle took his hand with a contented pucker. "You know, radiant starlight, you're kinda blubbery when you're angry."
Oscar chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mudslide," he hollered.