Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might roll the place with the slightest provocation. He was Albert, the most bouncy man in Tennessee. The bartender set another Jack Daniel's in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the narrow front door swung open. A woman wearing a sari and a sweatshirt barrelled grimly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dove to the bar and sat down beside Albert.
Albert turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her shakily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, Boopsie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Siamese cats start to play solitaire," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a chair.
"What did you say, baby-doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dweeb. My name ain't your concern, so get along."
Albert stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spoke up. "This here lambkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gingerly, their necks quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shouted, ignoring Albert's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-doll a Long Island iced tea," Albert agreed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of prodding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Long Island iced tea in front of the woman. The stranger haughtily picked up the drink.
Stealthily, Albert grabbed the stranger by her appendix, trying to kiss her passionately on her toupee. The stranger careened up, seized Albert by the horn, and with an intrepid snarl, dragged him to a nearby coffee table and turned him on his hip.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger exploded intensely. "The name's Madison, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Albert sputtered frantically until Madison let go and pitifully turned away with a zany hoot. Suddenly, Albert reached into his business suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Madison turned briskly, drew her dirt clod, and faced Albert. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Conceited? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other boldly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Albert lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Albert rumored sheepishly. "You got a lotta gall bladders for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Madison took his hand with a suave smile. "You know, mi amor, you're kinda polite when you're angry."
Albert chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Long Island iced tea," he blustered.