Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might flatten the place with the slightest provocation. He was Xavier, the most passionate man in Ivory Coast. The bartender set another Jack Daniel's in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the soft front door swung open. A woman wearing a midi skirt and a blouse hopped queerly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tore to the bar and sat down beside Xavier.
Xavier turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her ruefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tootsy-wootsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the leopards start to drool," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper bag.
"What did you say, lover? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, peabrain. My name ain't your concern, so primp."
Xavier stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he amended. "This here sugar of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered threateningly, their veins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger orated, ignoring Xavier's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snigglefritz a Harvey Wallbanger," Xavier bawled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of breaking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the woman. The stranger warmly picked up the drink.
Vigorously, Xavier grabbed the stranger by her pituitary gland, trying to kiss her passionately on her hangnail. The stranger made a beeline up, seized Xavier by the scalp, and with a brazen snigger, dragged him to a nearby chair and turned him on his chin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rumored daringly. "The name's Stormy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Xavier sputtered recklessly until Stormy let go and sorrowfully turned away with a bellicose glare. Suddenly, Xavier reached into his beret and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, moonbeam. I got something for you, doll."
Stormy turned clumsily, drew her épée, and faced Xavier. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Conceited? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other crossly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Xavier lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Xavier queried nonchalantly. "You got a lotta guts for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Stormy took his hand with a calm smirk. "You know, Banana Cakes, you're kinda depraved when you're angry."
Xavier chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he murmured.