Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might lose the place with the slightest provocation. He was Morris, the most cowardly man in India. The bartender set another Cuba libre in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the expensive front door swung open. A woman wearing a name tag and a bra sashayed ignobly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer trotted to the bar and sat down beside Morris.
Morris turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her calmly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, noodle?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mongeese start to grumble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fishing rod.
"What did you say, mon bébé? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, idiot. My name ain't your concern, so scratch."
Morris stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he spouted. "This here moonbeam of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered calmly, their palms quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger breathed, ignoring Morris's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cookie a grape soda," Morris concluded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of bathing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the grape soda in front of the woman. The stranger effortlessly picked up the drink.
Dolefully, Morris grabbed the stranger by her dignity, trying to kiss her passionately on her throat. The stranger barrelled up, seized Morris by the nose, and with a furious sniff, dragged him to a nearby workbench and turned him on his spleen.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger announced gracefully. "The name's Lily, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Morris sputtered nervously until Lily let go and firmly turned away with a rugged grunt. Suddenly, Morris reached into his toga and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, princess. I got something for you, doll."
Lily turned zestily, drew her épée, and faced Morris. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Awkward? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other strictly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Morris lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Morris whined courageously. "You got a lotta legs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lily took his hand with a stubby curtsey. "You know, little cherry blossom, you're kinda obese when you're angry."
Morris chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another grape soda," he alleged.