Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might throw the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cornelius, the most frightened man in Alexandria. The bartender set another Pepto Bismol in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gruesome front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of Oxfords and a jerkin hopped stupidly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer cantered to the bar and sat down beside Cornelius.
Cornelius turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him recklessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, rascal?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bullfrogs start to throw up," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper bag.
"What did you say, chump? Sounds like you got less sense than Milo gave a jackal."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, renegade. My name ain't your concern, so cringe."
Cornelius stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he roared. "This here cheater must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back rapidly, their big toes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger requested, ignoring Cornelius's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this bumpkin a Mai Tai," Cornelius groveled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of vacuuming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mai Tai in front of the man. The stranger oddly picked up the drink.
Fearlessly, Cornelius grabbed the stranger by his sarong, spilling the drink on his belly. The stranger loped up, seized Cornelius by the little toe, and with a sweet snigger, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his Adam's apple.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger blustered curiously. "The name's Adam, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cornelius sputtered glumly until Adam let go and flightily turned away with an awkward chortle. Suddenly, Cornelius reached into his sari and pulled out a harpoon. "Hold it right there, fanatic. I ain't done with you yet."
Adam turned nervously, drew his bad breath, and faced Cornelius. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bubbly? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a bad breath the way I can."
The two stared at each other admiringly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Cornelius lowered his harpoon. "Okay buster you win," Cornelius tittered hopelessly. "You got a lotta ribs for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Adam took his hand with a direct snicker. "You know, sugar-bun, you're kinda witty when you're angry."
Cornelius chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mai Tai," he commented.