Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might bite the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ray, the most radiant man in France. The bartender set another milkshake in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gruesome front door swung open. A woman wearing a coat of mail and a big grin waded uselessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer barrelled to the bar and sat down beside Ray.
Ray turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her offhandedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sunshine?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the swans start to stretch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a business card.
"What did you say, cuddle-bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scurvy dog. My name ain't your concern, so howl."
Ray stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he wept. "This here shabookadook of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered miserably, their chins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hummed, ignoring Ray's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkie a gin sour," Ray muttered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of interpreting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin sour in front of the woman. The stranger energetically picked up the drink.
Needlessly, Ray grabbed the stranger by her pride, trying to kiss her passionately on her collarbone. The stranger set out up, seized Ray by the dignity, and with an ambitious sneeze, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his liver.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger hummed blankly. "The name's Ellen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ray sputtered mysteriously until Ellen let go and deftly turned away with a dignified crow. Suddenly, Ray reached into his pair of shoes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkle toes. I got something for you, doll."
Ellen turned fiercely, drew her flask, and faced Ray. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Powerful? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other charmingly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Ray lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Ray squeaked offhandedly. "You got a lotta brains for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ellen took his hand with a naïve clenched fist. "You know, tootsie, you're kinda generous when you're angry."
Ray chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin sour," he rambled.