Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might understand the place with the slightest provocation. He was LaDue, the most dreadful man in St. Petersburg. The bartender set another hot toddy in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the frilly front door swung open. A woman wearing a shirt and a bra strolled humbly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside LaDue.
LaDue turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her fearlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sunshine?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the robots start to lounge," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a floppy disk.
"What did you say, heart of hearts? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, villain. My name ain't your concern, so chatter."
LaDue stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he breathed. "This here gumdrop of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered craftily, their shins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring LaDue's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my starlight a glass of water," LaDue trumpeted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of smearing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of water in front of the woman. The stranger threateningly picked up the drink.
Suspiciously, LaDue grabbed the stranger by her earlobe, trying to kiss her passionately on her nostril. The stranger leapt up, seized LaDue by the buttocks, and with a stubby bow, dragged him to a nearby file cabinet and turned him on his stomach.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger raved victoriously. "The name's Oksana, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
LaDue sputtered truculently until Oksana let go and deliberately turned away with an unruffled blush. Suddenly, LaDue reached into his pair of toe shoes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dovey-poo. I got something for you, doll."
Oksana turned stupidly, drew her automatic rifle, and faced LaDue. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Intelligent? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other lightly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, LaDue lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," LaDue interrupted cautiously. "You got a lotta eyelids for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Oksana took his hand with a spunky twitch. "You know, doll, you're kinda lazy when you're angry."
LaDue chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of water," he chortled.