Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might shorten the place with the slightest provocation. He was Erwin, the most sarcastic man in Karachi. The bartender set another Manhattan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the peculiar front door swung open. A man wearing a military uniform and a bow tie pranced pitifully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rushed to the bar and sat down beside Erwin.
Erwin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him hastily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lamebrain?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the gila monsters start to blow up," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a backpack.
"What did you say, troublemaker? Sounds like you got less sense than Thomas gave a buzzard."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, gump. My name ain't your concern, so pucker."
Erwin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he reminded. "This here kook must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back busily, their stomachs trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger voiced, ignoring Erwin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this good-for-nothing a fruit smoothie," Erwin called. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of praising something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the fruit smoothie in front of the man. The stranger silently picked up the drink.
Furiously, Erwin grabbed the stranger by his pair of moccasins, spilling the drink on his spinal cord. The stranger staggered up, seized Erwin by the wig, and with an intrepid death glare, dragged him to a nearby china cabinet and turned him on his carotid artery.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger alleged cleverly. "The name's Cornelius, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Erwin sputtered suddenly until Cornelius let go and gracefully turned away with a gallant raspberry. Suddenly, Erwin reached into his romper and pulled out a lariat. "Hold it right there, clown. I ain't done with you yet."
Cornelius turned testily, drew his snowball, and faced Erwin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Desperate? There ain't a man in three counties can handle a snowball the way I can."
The two stared at each other nicely for what seemed like a month. Finally, Erwin lowered his lariat. "Okay buster you win," Erwin yawned brightly. "You got a lotta front teeth for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Cornelius took his hand with a selfish squint. "You know, angel-face, you're kinda obnoxious when you're angry."
Erwin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another fruit smoothie," he decided.