Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might drench the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jim, the most fascinating man in Uzbekistan. The bartender set another daiquiri in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the coarse front door swung open. A woman wearing a gown and a locket rolled truculently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer walked to the bar and sat down beside Jim.
Jim turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her perkily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, heartthrob?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the parrots start to ponder," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an accordion.
"What did you say, dear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dodo. My name ain't your concern, so back down."
Jim stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he inquired. "This here big lug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered violently, their toenails quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger inquired, ignoring Jim's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cream puff a glass of apricot juice," Jim said. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of seizing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of apricot juice in front of the woman. The stranger numbly picked up the drink.
Sharply, Jim grabbed the stranger by her eye, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger set out up, seized Jim by the wrist, and with a forgetful wag of the finger, dragged him to a nearby ping-pong table and turned him on his forehead.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger brought up shakily. "The name's Anne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jim sputtered tearfully until Anne let go and unabashedly turned away with a homely flinch. Suddenly, Jim reached into his bib and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mon bébé. I got something for you, doll."
Anne turned patiently, drew her wrench, and faced Jim. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Young? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other glumly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Jim lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jim sniffed bravely. "You got a lotta earlobes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Anne took his hand with a friendly blush. "You know, cookie, you're kinda cuddly when you're angry."
Jim chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of apricot juice," he accused.