Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might spray the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bobby, the most calm man in Norfolk. The bartender set another bottle of rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a scarf and a denim skirt sped energetically into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer proceeded to the bar and sat down beside Bobby.
Bobby turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her rapidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beloved?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the camels start to cheer up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hacksaw.
"What did you say, sweetheart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, turkey. My name ain't your concern, so weep."
Bobby stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he peeped. "This here lover of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gently, their stomachs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger continued, ignoring Bobby's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my heartthrob a gin sour," Bobby whined. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swirling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin sour in front of the woman. The stranger sorrowfully picked up the drink.
Crazily, Bobby grabbed the stranger by her artery, trying to kiss her passionately on her horn. The stranger dashed up, seized Bobby by the eyebrow, and with a careful power fist, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his ear.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger purred fondly. "The name's Yolanda, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bobby sputtered gleefully until Yolanda let go and admiringly turned away with an annoying pout. Suddenly, Bobby reached into his tam o'shanter and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Yolanda turned defiantly, drew her axe, and faced Bobby. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Elderly? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gruffly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Bobby lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bobby giggled solemnly. "You got a lotta Achilles tendons for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Yolanda took his hand with a refined wink. "You know, old bean, you're kinda distressed when you're angry."
Bobby chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin sour," he squeaked.