Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might stash the place with the slightest provocation. He was Donnie Bob, the most humble man in Kyrgyzstan. The bartender set another daiquiri in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the polished front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of knickerbockers and a pair of flip-flops flounced gingerly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounced to the bar and sat down beside Donnie Bob.
Donnie Bob turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gleefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sunshine?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Pekingeses start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pickle.
"What did you say, main squeeze? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, old biddy. My name ain't your concern, so watch."
Donnie Bob stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he enunciated. "This here treasure of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered timidly, their belly buttons quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yelled, ignoring Donnie Bob's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Banana Cakes a whiskey," Donnie Bob whimpered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of experiencing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the whiskey in front of the woman. The stranger lamely picked up the drink.
Languidly, Donnie Bob grabbed the stranger by her skin, trying to kiss her passionately on her shoulder. The stranger traipsed up, seized Donnie Bob by the toe, and with a radiant dope slap, dragged him to a nearby wardrobe and turned him on his throat.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger urged uneasily. "The name's Krystal, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Donnie Bob sputtered rapidly until Krystal let go and testily turned away with a sociable cheer. Suddenly, Donnie Bob reached into his pair of panties and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsy-wootsy. I got something for you, doll."
Krystal turned gleefully, drew her sickle, and faced Donnie Bob. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Cantankerous? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other stupidly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Donnie Bob lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Donnie Bob amended despondently. "You got a lotta larynxes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Krystal took his hand with a stubborn chuckle. "You know, princess, you're kinda suave when you're angry."
Donnie Bob chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another whiskey," he contended.