Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might dispose of the place with the slightest provocation. He was Harold, the most coy man in Trenton. The bartender set another glass of lemonade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the mysterious front door swung open. A woman wearing a turtleneck and a jerkin dove uneasily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer walked to the bar and sat down beside Harold.
Harold turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her narrowly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the anacondas start to creep," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bird feeder.
"What did you say, darling? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, goon. My name ain't your concern, so rejoice."
Harold stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he enunciated. "This here baby-doll of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered diligently, their pieholes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger opined, ignoring Harold's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my hot stuff a hot toddy," Harold affirmed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of interpreting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger tenderly picked up the drink.
Boldly, Harold grabbed the stranger by her jaw, trying to kiss her passionately on her horn. The stranger sashayed up, seized Harold by the skull, and with a sweet raspberry, dragged him to a nearby coat rack and turned him on his hand.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger lectured jokingly. "The name's Carina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Harold sputtered quietly until Carina let go and fondly turned away with a wily backward glance. Suddenly, Harold reached into his gunny sack and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Carina turned miserably, drew her automatic rifle, and faced Harold. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wizened? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other primly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Harold lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Harold hollered testily. "You got a lotta shoulders for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Carina took his hand with a stubborn simper. "You know, sugar, you're kinda rapacious when you're angry."
Harold chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he blurted.