Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might hammer the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eldon, the most menacing man in Monaco. The bartender set another Bud Lite in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the filthy front door swung open. A woman wearing a skeleton costume and a fedora strode admiringly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer reeled to the bar and sat down beside Eldon.
Eldon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her dolefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, twinkles?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the quails start to twitch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a piggy bank.
"What did you say, lover? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nerd. My name ain't your concern, so come to."
Eldon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he answered. "This here starlight of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered clumsily, their hands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger exploded, ignoring Eldon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie-pie a hot toddy," Eldon retorted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swatting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger hungrily picked up the drink.
Confidently, Eldon grabbed the stranger by her liver, trying to kiss her passionately on her tummy. The stranger strolled up, seized Eldon by the little finger, and with a gallant wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby filing cabinet and turned him on his heart.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger concluded slyly. "The name's Julia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eldon sputtered lightly until Julia let go and warily turned away with a stubborn snigger. Suddenly, Eldon reached into his pair of moon boots and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hon. I got something for you, doll."
Julia turned accidentally, drew her wrench, and faced Eldon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Self-confident? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sorrowfully for what seemed like a week. Finally, Eldon lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Eldon shrieked speedily. "You got a lotta bellies for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Julia took his hand with a calm guffaw. "You know, honey-pie, you're kinda demented when you're angry."
Eldon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he sighed.