Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Lorenzo, the most wary man in Malawi. The bartender set another glass of carrot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the grubby front door swung open. A woman wearing a gold medal and a body shirt pranced wildly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tiptoed to the bar and sat down beside Lorenzo.
Lorenzo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her uselessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snookums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the doggies start to slobber," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pizza.
"What did you say, poopsie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, doofus. My name ain't your concern, so type."
Lorenzo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he shrieked. "This here baby-doll of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered uselessly, their biceps quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger worried, ignoring Lorenzo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my moonbeam an Irish Coffee," Lorenzo protested. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of finishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Irish Coffee in front of the woman. The stranger deliberately picked up the drink.
Lickety-split, Lorenzo grabbed the stranger by her funny bone, trying to kiss her passionately on her nose. The stranger bounded up, seized Lorenzo by the stomach, and with an articulate chortle, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his stomach.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger suggested happily. "The name's Nora, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Lorenzo sputtered curiously until Nora let go and roughly turned away with a dreadful chuckle. Suddenly, Lorenzo reached into his diamond necklace and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mi amor. I got something for you, doll."
Nora turned jokingly, drew her snowball, and faced Lorenzo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Fascinating? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other automatically for what seemed like a century. Finally, Lorenzo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Lorenzo exploded urgently. "You got a lotta ankles for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Nora took his hand with a shiftless cheer. "You know, flower, you're kinda impish when you're angry."
Lorenzo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Irish Coffee," he gasped.