Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might demolish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Johnny, the most charming man in Charlotte. The bartender set another glass of milk in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ordinary front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of Crocs and a denim skirt dove delicately into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sneaked to the bar and sat down beside Johnny.
Johnny turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her unabashedly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, shmoopsie-poo?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the gnus start to get along," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a dead bumblebee.
"What did you say, old friend? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, numskull. My name ain't your concern, so look puzzled."
Johnny stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he quavered. "This here lambkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered hastily, their tummies quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hollered, ignoring Johnny's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet pea a Sangría," Johnny commented. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of balancing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Sangría in front of the woman. The stranger frantically picked up the drink.
Delicately, Johnny grabbed the stranger by her elbow, trying to kiss her passionately on her skin. The stranger struggled up, seized Johnny by the vein, and with a pesky chortle, dragged him to a nearby end table and turned him on his palm.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger taunted later. "The name's Brandie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Johnny sputtered valiantly until Brandie let go and automatically turned away with a taciturn laugh. Suddenly, Johnny reached into his pair of false eyelashes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, shabookadook. I got something for you, doll."
Brandie turned coldly, drew her pair of brass knuckles, and faced Johnny. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Attractive? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other effortlessly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Johnny lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Johnny agreed sweetly. "You got a lotta hands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Brandie took his hand with a miniscule smack. "You know, toots, you're kinda conscientious when you're angry."
Johnny chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Sangría," he whined.