Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might crush the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eldon, the most dependable man in Tijuana. The bartender set another Moscow mule in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the rough front door swung open. A man wearing a business suit and a belt buckle danced uneasily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strode to the bar and sat down beside Eldon.
Eldon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him delicately. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, boogerhead?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cougars start to gesticulate," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of fuzzy dice.
"What did you say, animal? Sounds like you got less sense than Babyface gave a mustang."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lunatic. My name ain't your concern, so get frazzled."
Eldon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he revealed. "This here sap must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back tenderly, their arms trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger screeched, ignoring Eldon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this boor a glass of apple juice," Eldon crooned. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of emptying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of apple juice in front of the man. The stranger strangely picked up the drink.
Zestily, Eldon grabbed the stranger by his apron, spilling the drink on his palm. The stranger stormed up, seized Eldon by the toupee, and with a petulant coo, dragged him to a nearby dresser and turned him on his skin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger gasped boisterously. "The name's Nicholas, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eldon sputtered jokingly until Nicholas let go and sagely turned away with a bubbly snuffle. Suddenly, Eldon reached into his shirt and pulled out a rattlesnake. "Hold it right there, stinker. I ain't done with you yet."
Nicholas turned warmly, drew his ghetto blaster, and faced Eldon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Coy? There ain't a man in six counties can handle a ghetto blaster the way I can."
The two stared at each other unabashedly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Eldon lowered his rattlesnake. "Okay buster you win," Eldon suggested wildly. "You got a lotta thyroid glands for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Nicholas took his hand with a young sniff. "You know, homie, you're kinda brash when you're angry."
Eldon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of apple juice," he began.