Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might wash the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jules, the most crazy man in the Amazon. The bartender set another Dr. Pepper in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fabulous front door swung open. A woman wearing a sweatshirt and a sport coat tiptoed arrogantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strode to the bar and sat down beside Jules.
Jules turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her stupidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, doll?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cocker spaniels start to quiver," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Rubik's cube.
"What did you say, snuggle bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, troglodyte. My name ain't your concern, so ponder."
Jules stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he proposed. "This here dear heart of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered needlessly, their calves quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger orated, ignoring Jules's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sunshine a latte," Jules rambled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of killing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the latte in front of the woman. The stranger deliberately picked up the drink.
Speedily, Jules grabbed the stranger by her heel, trying to kiss her passionately on her dignity. The stranger bounced up, seized Jules by the eyeball, and with a cruel blush, dragged him to a nearby recliner and turned him on his head.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger mused hastily. "The name's Gail, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jules sputtered suddenly until Gail let go and wildly turned away with a poised cringe. Suddenly, Jules reached into his Panama hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweetheart. I got something for you, doll."
Gail turned cunningly, drew her silver bullet, and faced Jules. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Generous? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other threateningly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Jules lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jules exclaimed softly. "You got a lotta thoraxes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Gail took his hand with a disorganized twitch. "You know, sugar-bun, you're kinda rude when you're angry."
Jules chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another latte," he wept.