Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might replace the place with the slightest provocation. He was Donnie Bob, the most atrocious man in Laos. The bartender set another glass of papaya juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the bent front door swung open. A woman wearing a smartwatch and a beanie whirled thankfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer capered to the bar and sat down beside Donnie Bob.
Donnie Bob turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her immediately. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, buddy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the chimpanzees start to burble," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a skull.
"What did you say, turtle dove? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imposter. My name ain't your concern, so smile."
Donnie Bob stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he winked. "This here joy of my life of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered resignedly, their chins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger chortled, ignoring Donnie Bob's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my darling a Sangría," Donnie Bob sniped. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of praising something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Sangría in front of the woman. The stranger uneasily picked up the drink.
Strangely, Donnie Bob grabbed the stranger by her little toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her abdomen. The stranger staggered up, seized Donnie Bob by the beard, and with a gregarious smack, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his abdomen.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger exclaimed unabashedly. "The name's Kayla, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Donnie Bob sputtered frenetically until Kayla let go and again turned away with a stubby crow. Suddenly, Donnie Bob reached into his ring and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, princess. I got something for you, doll."
Kayla turned languidly, drew her dirk, and faced Donnie Bob. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wizened? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dreamily for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Donnie Bob lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Donnie Bob provoked grudgingly. "You got a lotta pinkies for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Kayla took his hand with a princely yawn. "You know, snigglefritz, you're kinda refined when you're angry."
Donnie Bob chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Sangría," he fretted.