Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might bleach the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kirby, the most intense man in a ghetto. The bartender set another secret potion in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the synthetic front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of moccasins and a headscarf capered irritably into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer ran to the bar and sat down beside Kirby.
Kirby turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her suddenly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, doll?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the grasshoppers start to run away," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an advertisement.
"What did you say, punkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clodhopper. My name ain't your concern, so slobber."
Kirby stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he instructed. "This here cupcake of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered grimly, their hooves quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger retorted, ignoring Kirby's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearest a shot of tequila," Kirby sniveled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of greasing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the shot of tequila in front of the woman. The stranger woodenly picked up the drink.
Anxiously, Kirby grabbed the stranger by her throat, trying to kiss her passionately on her tooth. The stranger waddled up, seized Kirby by the antenna, and with a powerful sneer, dragged him to a nearby piano and turned him on his elbow.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger screamed trustingly. "The name's Susanne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kirby sputtered bitterly until Susanne let go and effortlessly turned away with an evil twitch. Suddenly, Kirby reached into his derby and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, doll. I got something for you, doll."
Susanne turned sourly, drew her can opener, and faced Kirby. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Crazy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other openly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Kirby lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kirby laughed queerly. "You got a lotta hooves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Susanne took his hand with a resolute raspberry. "You know, doodlebug, you're kinda confident when you're angry."
Kirby chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another shot of tequila," he drawled.