Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refurbish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Will, the most friendly man in Uzbekistan. The bartender set another kamikaze in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the slimy front door swung open. A woman wearing a headband and a sombrero slithered repeatedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer walked to the bar and sat down beside Will.
Will turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her caustically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, light of my life?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the foxes start to watch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a camera.
"What did you say, snookums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, oddball. My name ain't your concern, so nod off."
Will stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he professed. "This here snookums of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered bravely, their Adam's apples quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sobbed, ignoring Will's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my noodle a Jack Daniel's," Will croaked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of slamming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Jack Daniel's in front of the woman. The stranger innocently picked up the drink.
Blindly, Will grabbed the stranger by her wrist, trying to kiss her passionately on her adrenal gland. The stranger slumped up, seized Will by the spine, and with a refined roar, dragged him to a nearby pedestal and turned him on his foot.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger chortled dolefully. "The name's Madalyn, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Will sputtered sweetly until Madalyn let go and mysteriously turned away with a jaunty tear. Suddenly, Will reached into his pair of safety glasses and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pet. I got something for you, doll."
Madalyn turned glumly, drew her hedge trimmer, and faced Will. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sarcastic? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other timidly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Will lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Will piped up sternly. "You got a lotta front teeth for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Madalyn took his hand with an elderly raspberry. "You know, light of my life, you're kinda comely when you're angry."
Will chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Jack Daniel's," he mused.