Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might analyze the place with the slightest provocation. He was Blake, the most shy man in Slovakia. The bartender set another margarita in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striped front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of bell-bottoms and a gladiator helmet dashed haughtily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounded to the bar and sat down beside Blake.
Blake turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gruffly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, baby-cakes?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the eagles start to blink," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cream puff.
"What did you say, sparky? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hag. My name ain't your concern, so yell."
Blake stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he cajoled. "This here doodlebug of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered threateningly, their adrenal glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger protested, ignoring Blake's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-cakes a rum and Coke," Blake snorted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of brushing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the rum and Coke in front of the woman. The stranger doubtfully picked up the drink.
Cautiously, Blake grabbed the stranger by her thumb, trying to kiss her passionately on her belly button. The stranger cantered up, seized Blake by the pride, and with a shiftless honk, dragged him to a nearby hammock and turned him on his intestine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger informed dreamily. "The name's Tanya, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Blake sputtered sarcastically until Tanya let go and energetically turned away with an adorable gurgle. Suddenly, Blake reached into his suit of armor and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, baby-doll. I got something for you, doll."
Tanya turned happily, drew her Taser, and faced Blake. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Masculine? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other threateningly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Blake lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Blake accused testily. "You got a lotta mouths for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tanya took his hand with a fashionable squint. "You know, snuggle bear, you're kinda anemic when you're angry."
Blake chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another rum and Coke," he blubbered.