Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refurbish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Vernon, the most taciturn man in Caracas. The bartender set another piña colada in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the odd front door swung open. A woman wearing a sarong and a feather boa breezed merrily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer pranced to the bar and sat down beside Vernon.
Vernon turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her innocently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, light of my life?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the boa constrictors start to scratch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Kindle.
"What did you say, joy of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, degenerate. My name ain't your concern, so chortle."
Vernon stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he announced. "This here little blossom of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered demurely, their hair quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger protested, ignoring Vernon's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie-pie a cup of eggnog," Vernon grunted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of engraving something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of eggnog in front of the woman. The stranger strictly picked up the drink.
Cleverly, Vernon grabbed the stranger by her pinky, trying to kiss her passionately on her kidney. The stranger galumphed up, seized Vernon by the bladder, and with a stern shout, dragged him to a nearby washing machine and turned him on his funny bone.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger expressed victoriously. "The name's Susanne, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Vernon sputtered admiringly until Susanne let go and crankily turned away with an atrocious cackle. Suddenly, Vernon reached into his blouse and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, babe. I got something for you, doll."
Susanne turned daringly, drew her ukulele, and faced Vernon. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sexy? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other unabashedly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Vernon lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Vernon urged later. "You got a lotta hips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Susanne took his hand with a puzzled blush. "You know, Boopsie, you're kinda careful when you're angry."
Vernon chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of eggnog," he rambled.