Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might study the place with the slightest provocation. He was Eddie, the most cheerful man in Greece. The bartender set another latte in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the cardboard front door swung open. A man wearing a beard and a big grin careened trustingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tore to the bar and sat down beside Eddie.
Eddie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him softly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, wuss?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the turkeys start to pray," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paintbrush.
"What did you say, clown? Sounds like you got less sense than Richard gave a raccoon."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dimwit. My name ain't your concern, so cheer."
Eddie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he said. "This here kook must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back nicely, their larynxes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger babbled, ignoring Eddie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this degenerate a mint julep," Eddie blurted. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swatting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the mint julep in front of the man. The stranger gracefully picked up the drink.
Viciously, Eddie grabbed the stranger by his turtleneck, spilling the drink on his aorta. The stranger clambered up, seized Eddie by the spinal cord, and with a polite bound, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his carotid artery.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger squeaked noisily. "The name's Jacob, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Eddie sputtered bravely until Jacob let go and ingeniously turned away with a menacing snicker. Suddenly, Eddie reached into his lamb costume and pulled out a paddle. "Hold it right there, ninny. I ain't done with you yet."
Jacob turned proudly, drew his revolver, and faced Eddie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wary? There ain't a man in two counties can handle a revolver the way I can."
The two stared at each other vacantly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Eddie lowered his paddle. "Okay buster you win," Eddie jeered suspiciously. "You got a lotta spines for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Jacob took his hand with a grizzled yawn. "You know, doodlebug, you're kinda relaxed when you're angry."
Eddie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another mint julep," he affirmed.