Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might break the place with the slightest provocation. He was Norm, the most noble man in Corpus Christi. The bartender set another cosmopolitan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the modern front door swung open. A woman wearing a nose ring and a pacifier stormed repeatedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sneaked to the bar and sat down beside Norm.
Norm turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her merrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cream puff?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mountain goats start to wink," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pencil sharpener.
"What did you say, lover? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nitwit. My name ain't your concern, so breathe."
Norm stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he admitted. "This here sweetie-pie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered boldly, their hairdos quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger debated, ignoring Norm's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my bud a glass of carrot juice," Norm sniffed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of liquifying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of carrot juice in front of the woman. The stranger gratefully picked up the drink.
Quickly, Norm grabbed the stranger by her tongue, trying to kiss her passionately on her vein. The stranger capered up, seized Norm by the Adam's apple, and with a daring caress, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger stuttered surreptitiously. "The name's Danielle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Norm sputtered gracefully until Danielle let go and ruefully turned away with an affable belch. Suddenly, Norm reached into his sundress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Danielle turned wryly, drew her candlestick, and faced Norm. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sexy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other frenetically for what seemed like a second. Finally, Norm lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Norm scoffed ignobly. "You got a lotta belly buttons for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Danielle took his hand with a lethargic crow. "You know, stinkums, you're kinda vacuous when you're angry."
Norm chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of carrot juice," he stammered.