Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might propel the place with the slightest provocation. He was Newton, the most adorable man in Moldova. The bartender set another Harvey Wallbanger in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the unusual front door swung open. A woman wearing a robe and a jerkin bolted quietly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer careened to the bar and sat down beside Newton.
Newton turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her vigorously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cupcake?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the bats start to wake up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an iPod.
"What did you say, gumdrop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wimp. My name ain't your concern, so sneeze."
Newton stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he analyzed. "This here rose petal of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gently, their hair quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger cajoled, ignoring Newton's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my big lug a shot of bourbon," Newton alleged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of developing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the shot of bourbon in front of the woman. The stranger again picked up the drink.
Unexpectedly, Newton grabbed the stranger by her eyeball, trying to kiss her passionately on her belly. The stranger sidled up, seized Newton by the jaw, and with a cocky grunt, dragged him to a nearby crib and turned him on his dignity.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger realized arrogantly. "The name's Gail, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Newton sputtered sarcastically until Gail let go and positively turned away with a precocious snarl. Suddenly, Newton reached into his bedsheet and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, stinkums. I got something for you, doll."
Gail turned brashly, drew her set of nunchucks, and faced Newton. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bouncy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other needlessly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Newton lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Newton insisted violently. "You got a lotta stomachs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Gail took his hand with a ladylike coo. "You know, twinkles, you're kinda frightened when you're angry."
Newton chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another shot of bourbon," he exclaimed.