Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might handle the place with the slightest provocation. He was Josh, the most cowardly man in Sierra Leone. The bartender set another Moscow mule in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the soft front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of nylons and a mask went excitedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer skittered to the bar and sat down beside Josh.
Josh turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her reluctantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snookums?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Pekingeses start to yell," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pacifier.
"What did you say, babe? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, nag. My name ain't your concern, so shrug."
Josh stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he provoked. "This here baby-doll of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered gruffly, their Achilles tendons quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger divulged, ignoring Josh's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snuggle bear a secret potion," Josh pointed out. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of melting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the secret potion in front of the woman. The stranger wryly picked up the drink.
Glibly, Josh grabbed the stranger by her larynx, trying to kiss her passionately on her piehole. The stranger waltzed up, seized Josh by the kneecap, and with a sinister tear, dragged him to a nearby workbench and turned him on his elbow.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger decided calmly. "The name's Clarisse, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Josh sputtered ruefully until Clarisse let go and crossly turned away with a decisive laugh. Suddenly, Josh reached into his tam o'shanter and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, flower. I got something for you, doll."
Clarisse turned victoriously, drew her pom-pom, and faced Josh. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Enthusiastic? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other nimbly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Josh lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Josh persisted repeatedly. "You got a lotta Achilles tendons for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Clarisse took his hand with a passionate shrug. "You know, sparky, you're kinda shifty when you're angry."
Josh chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another secret potion," he offered.