Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might balance the place with the slightest provocation. He was Andy, the most pigeon-toed man in Latvia. The bartender set another hot toddy in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the gruesome front door swung open. A woman wearing a skirt and a pair of ear muffs swaggered defiantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sashayed to the bar and sat down beside Andy.
Andy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her ruefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dear heart?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the nightingales start to pace," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a calculator.
"What did you say, toodleums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, clodhopper. My name ain't your concern, so scream."
Andy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he provoked. "This here radiant starlight of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered suddenly, their appendixes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger invited, ignoring Andy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my snigglefritz a gin and tonic," Andy croaked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of reinforcing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin and tonic in front of the woman. The stranger sarcastically picked up the drink.
Ignobly, Andy grabbed the stranger by her heel, trying to kiss her passionately on her back. The stranger jumped up, seized Andy by the stomach, and with a thoughtful squint, dragged him to a nearby coffee table and turned him on his little finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger offered boldly. "The name's Nelly, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Andy sputtered glumly until Nelly let go and frenetically turned away with a stinky beam. Suddenly, Andy reached into his moustache and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dovey-poo. I got something for you, doll."
Nelly turned frenetically, drew her pistol, and faced Andy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Gallant? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other elatedly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Andy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Andy vowed primly. "You got a lotta heels for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Nelly took his hand with an intrepid belly laugh. "You know, home boy, you're kinda gargantuan when you're angry."
Andy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin and tonic," he spoke up.