Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might manage the place with the slightest provocation. He was Archie, the most sanguine man in Lithuania. The bartender set another piña colada in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hand-made front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a pair of galoshes sauntered strictly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer blundered to the bar and sat down beside Archie.
Archie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her patiently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cream puff?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the owls start to suffer," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a paper clip.
"What did you say, honey? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sloth. My name ain't your concern, so come to."
Archie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he amended. "This here sugar plum of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered repeatedly, their collarbones quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yawned, ignoring Archie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my little cherry blossom a hot buttered rum," Archie realized. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of shellacking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot buttered rum in front of the woman. The stranger neatly picked up the drink.
Woefully, Archie grabbed the stranger by her nostril, trying to kiss her passionately on her neck. The stranger zipped up, seized Archie by the shin, and with a masculine evil eye, dragged him to a nearby casket and turned him on his front tooth.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger worried delicately. "The name's Jessica, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Archie sputtered excitedly until Jessica let go and doubtfully turned away with an intelligent flutter. Suddenly, Archie reached into his bikini and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar-bun. I got something for you, doll."
Jessica turned carelessly, drew her scythe, and faced Archie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stylish? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other needlessly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Archie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Archie intoned swiftly. "You got a lotta chests for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jessica took his hand with an angry raised eyebrow. "You know, lover, you're kinda muddled when you're angry."
Archie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot buttered rum," he wailed.