Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might grab the place with the slightest provocation. He was Plato, the most princely man in Argentina. The bartender set another cup of Sanka in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the synthetic front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of cargo pants and a hair net skipped hastily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer set out to the bar and sat down beside Plato.
Plato turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her grudgingly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the cockatiels start to talk," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fish.
"What did you say, twinkie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dorf. My name ain't your concern, so get rigid."
Plato stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he noted. "This here little one of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered timidly, their wrists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mused, ignoring Plato's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gentle soul a Scotch and soda," Plato queried. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of closing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Scotch and soda in front of the woman. The stranger proudly picked up the drink.
Truculently, Plato grabbed the stranger by her abdomen, trying to kiss her passionately on her ear. The stranger rushed up, seized Plato by the front tooth, and with a crafty frown, dragged him to a nearby end table and turned him on his pituitary gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger articulated sleepily. "The name's Audrey, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Plato sputtered noisily until Audrey let go and wildly turned away with a megalomaniacal glare. Suddenly, Plato reached into his wristwatch and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, doll. I got something for you, doll."
Audrey turned blindly, drew her hand sanitizer, and faced Plato. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Generous? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other firmly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Plato lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Plato trumpeted cunningly. "You got a lotta thyroid glands for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Audrey took his hand with a solitary cackle. "You know, apple of my eye, you're kinda resolute when you're angry."
Plato chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Scotch and soda," he amended.