Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might inspect the place with the slightest provocation. He was Roy, the most intelligent man in Honolulu. The bartender set another glass of carrot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the decrepit front door swung open. A woman wearing a nightgown and a diamond necklace waded gracefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer stormed to the bar and sat down beside Roy.
Roy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her nervously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, buddy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the beagles start to watch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a tote bag.
"What did you say, joy of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, stumblebum. My name ain't your concern, so jiggle."
Roy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he exploded. "This here angel-face of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ignobly, their knees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger exclaimed, ignoring Roy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my precious a sarsaparilla," Roy bawled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scuffing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the sarsaparilla in front of the woman. The stranger later picked up the drink.
Demurely, Roy grabbed the stranger by her funny bone, trying to kiss her passionately on her aorta. The stranger climbed up, seized Roy by the tummy, and with a refined shout, dragged him to a nearby ping-pong table and turned him on his femur.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger fumed violently. "The name's Wanda, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Roy sputtered unabashedly until Wanda let go and oddly turned away with a vile flinch. Suddenly, Roy reached into his dog collar and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, nipkin. I got something for you, doll."
Wanda turned defiantly, drew her aspersion, and faced Roy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Conscientious? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other warmly for what seemed like a blink of an eye. Finally, Roy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Roy stormed sheepishly. "You got a lotta esophaguses for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Wanda took his hand with a menacing giggle. "You know, cream puff, you're kinda jaunty when you're angry."
Roy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another sarsaparilla," he remarked.