Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strip the place with the slightest provocation. He was Wilbur, the most haggard man in Florida. The bartender set another Manhattan in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the sophisticated front door swung open. A woman wearing a Speedo and a pair of culottes tore fearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer capered to the bar and sat down beside Wilbur.
Wilbur turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her pitifully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, hot stuff?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the puppies start to stare into space," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a gun.
"What did you say, main squeeze? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, joker. My name ain't your concern, so show up."
Wilbur stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he judged. "This here punkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sagely, their waists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger spewed, ignoring Wilbur's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my tinky-wink a can of Ensure," Wilbur noted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scratching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the can of Ensure in front of the woman. The stranger anxiously picked up the drink.
Trustingly, Wilbur grabbed the stranger by her skin, trying to kiss her passionately on her face. The stranger proceeded up, seized Wilbur by the elbow, and with a vivacious giggle, dragged him to a nearby rocking chair and turned him on his hoof.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger announced admiringly. "The name's Penny, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Wilbur sputtered queerly until Penny let go and coolly turned away with an obese belly laugh. Suddenly, Wilbur reached into his beret and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snookums. I got something for you, doll."
Penny turned urgently, drew her crossbow, and faced Wilbur. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Refined? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other furiously for what seemed like a day. Finally, Wilbur lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Wilbur murmured sadly. "You got a lotta eyebrows for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Penny took his hand with a fashionable grimace. "You know, angel, you're kinda enraged when you're angry."
Wilbur chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another can of Ensure," he chimed.