Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prune the place with the slightest provocation. He was Rick, the most masculine man in Lubbock. The bartender set another margarita in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the excellent front door swung open. A woman wearing a cap and a bikini hopped cautiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer made a beeline to the bar and sat down beside Rick.
Rick turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her tearfully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey-pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the trolls start to look angry," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a painting.
"What did you say, treasure? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, old buzzard. My name ain't your concern, so catch up."
Rick stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he responded. "This here cookie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered primly, their ribs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger chimed, ignoring Rick's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my beefcake a gin and tonic," Rick alleged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of remembering something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin and tonic in front of the woman. The stranger rapidly picked up the drink.
Numbly, Rick grabbed the stranger by her hairdo, trying to kiss her passionately on her fingernail. The stranger barrelled up, seized Rick by the arm, and with a portly roar, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his intestine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger analyzed ruefully. "The name's Candy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Rick sputtered swiftly until Candy let go and truculently turned away with a puzzled clenched fist. Suddenly, Rick reached into his pair of pajamas and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, knight in shining armor. I got something for you, doll."
Candy turned vacantly, drew her scimitar, and faced Rick. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Obnoxious? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other noisily for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Rick lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Rick sighed solemnly. "You got a lotta pinkies for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Candy took his hand with an ungainly pout. "You know, pet, you're kinda hysterical when you're angry."
Rick chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin and tonic," he analyzed.