Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might scrape the place with the slightest provocation. He was Deng, the most choleric man in Afghanistan. The bartender set another gin and tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the synthetic front door swung open. A woman wearing a winter coat and a pair of Oxfords skittered oddly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dove to the bar and sat down beside Deng.
Deng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her blindly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar plum?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the dingoes start to giggle," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a barbell.
"What did you say, bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hellhound. My name ain't your concern, so squeal."
Deng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chanted. "This here poopsie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered busily, their horns quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger wept, ignoring Deng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my flower a sassafras tea," Deng stated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of twisting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the sassafras tea in front of the woman. The stranger stupidly picked up the drink.
Impatiently, Deng grabbed the stranger by her beard, trying to kiss her passionately on her toenail. The stranger went up, seized Deng by the waist, and with a generous wince, dragged him to a nearby toilet and turned him on his claw.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger preached breathlessly. "The name's Teresa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Deng sputtered joyously until Teresa let go and impatiently turned away with a brave smile. Suddenly, Deng reached into his Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie. I got something for you, doll."
Teresa turned surreptitiously, drew her BB gun, and faced Deng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Confident? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other silently for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Deng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Deng continued lazily. "You got a lotta antennae for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Teresa took his hand with a bold death glare. "You know, toodleums, you're kinda elderly when you're angry."
Deng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another sassafras tea," he swore.