Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might ruin the place with the slightest provocation. He was Horsie, the most earnest man in El Paso. The bartender set another glass of papaya juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fluffy front door swung open. A woman wearing a bustier and a lab coat slumped patiently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer darted to the bar and sat down beside Horsie.
Horsie turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gratefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cream puff?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the lemurs start to frown," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a spittoon.
"What did you say, princess? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, so-and-so. My name ain't your concern, so howl."
Horsie stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he harangued. "This here turtle dove of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cleverly, their lungs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hummed, ignoring Horsie's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkles a glass of iced tea," Horsie screeched. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of pounding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of iced tea in front of the woman. The stranger strictly picked up the drink.
Surreptitiously, Horsie grabbed the stranger by her belly, trying to kiss her passionately on her wig. The stranger ambled up, seized Horsie by the pride, and with a fearless sniff, dragged him to a nearby ottoman and turned him on his tummy.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger fantasized sourly. "The name's Michelle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Horsie sputtered crankily until Michelle let go and fiercely turned away with a yappy clenched fist. Suddenly, Horsie reached into his beard and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Michelle turned coolly, drew her vial of poison, and faced Horsie. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Intelligent? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other zestily for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Horsie lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Horsie recited strictly. "You got a lotta tails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Michelle took his hand with a brave chortle. "You know, apple of my eye, you're kinda poised when you're angry."
Horsie chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of iced tea," he informed.