Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might swipe the place with the slightest provocation. He was Abraham, the most dismal man in Germany. The bartender set another glass of lemonade in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the woven front door swung open. A woman wearing a cowboy hat and a party hat scooted carefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tramped to the bar and sat down beside Abraham.
Abraham turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her carefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cutie-patootie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the otters start to freeze," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a coconut.
"What did you say, doll? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, freak. My name ain't your concern, so show up."
Abraham stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he shouted. "This here tinky-wink of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered fondly, their midriffs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger retorted, ignoring Abraham's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkle toes a fruit smoothie," Abraham articulated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of chiseling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the fruit smoothie in front of the woman. The stranger sagely picked up the drink.
Bitterly, Abraham grabbed the stranger by her tail, trying to kiss her passionately on her lip. The stranger zipped up, seized Abraham by the hangnail, and with an angry clenched fist, dragged him to a nearby footstool and turned him on his face.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger ranted sternly. "The name's Bernadette, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Abraham sputtered zestily until Bernadette let go and blindly turned away with a refined dope slap. Suddenly, Abraham reached into his bandana and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snookums. I got something for you, doll."
Bernadette turned bravely, drew her pillow, and faced Abraham. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Pesky? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other flightily for what seemed like a day. Finally, Abraham lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Abraham articulated gracefully. "You got a lotta kneecaps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bernadette took his hand with a contented smirk. "You know, moonbeam, you're kinda cruel when you're angry."
Abraham chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another fruit smoothie," he yowled.