Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might empty the place with the slightest provocation. He was Terence, the most considerate man in Tijuana. The bartender set another root beer float in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the greasy front door swung open. A woman wearing a smartwatch and a pair of panties scooted firmly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer rolled to the bar and sat down beside Terence.
Terence turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her swiftly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little chickadee?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the poodles start to rock," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an oriental vase.
"What did you say, big lug? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, cootieface. My name ain't your concern, so run."
Terence stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he muttered. "This here bumbles of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered merrily, their buttocks quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger sniffed, ignoring Terence's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my gumdrop a glass of KoolAid," Terence called. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of modifying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of KoolAid in front of the woman. The stranger again picked up the drink.
Steadily, Terence grabbed the stranger by her rib, trying to kiss her passionately on her hair. The stranger scooted up, seized Terence by the mouth, and with a gregarious simper, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his thigh.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued dreamily. "The name's Toni, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Terence sputtered peevishly until Toni let go and hungrily turned away with a cunning smile. Suddenly, Terence reached into his balaclava and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweetie. I got something for you, doll."
Toni turned unnaturally, drew her paddle, and faced Terence. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Direct? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other suavely for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Terence lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Terence wept tensely. "You got a lotta ribs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Toni took his hand with a muddled hiccup. "You know, cookie, you're kinda queer when you're angry."
Terence chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of KoolAid," he noted.