Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might mutilate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Borat, the most monstrous man in Hong Kong. The bartender set another gimlet in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the broken front door swung open. A woman wearing an Armani suit and a parka zipped neatly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tumbled to the bar and sat down beside Borat.
Borat turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her lazily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bunny?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Dobermans start to squeak," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a magnet.
"What did you say, tootsie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, curmudgeon. My name ain't your concern, so stare into space."
Borat stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he snorted. "This here sweetheart of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered lightly, their pieholes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger judged, ignoring Borat's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my mon bébé a hot toddy," Borat bragged. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of wiggling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger frenetically picked up the drink.
Stupidly, Borat grabbed the stranger by her eyeball, trying to kiss her passionately on her lung. The stranger breezed up, seized Borat by the vein, and with a frumpy wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby wine rack and turned him on his chest.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger avowed demurely. "The name's Mopsy, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Borat sputtered steadily until Mopsy let go and immediately turned away with a fierce bow. Suddenly, Borat reached into his gorilla suit and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, petunia. I got something for you, doll."
Mopsy turned breathlessly, drew her flashlight, and faced Borat. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Haughty? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other speedily for what seemed like a year. Finally, Borat lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Borat prattled slowly. "You got a lotta spines for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Mopsy took his hand with a sloppy yawn. "You know, sweet pea, you're kinda happy when you're angry."
Borat chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he shrieked.