Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might overlook the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dan, the most crafty man in Detroit. The bartender set another 7-Up in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the dry front door swung open. A woman wearing a hat and a uniform loped joyously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer careened to the bar and sat down beside Dan.
Dan turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her violently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dearest?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the roosters start to adjust the clock," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an avocado.
"What did you say, baby? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dumbbell. My name ain't your concern, so get rigid."
Dan stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he quoted. "This here moonbeam of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered swiftly, their adrenal glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger recited, ignoring Dan's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Boopsie a hot toddy," Dan expressed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of propelling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger deliberately picked up the drink.
Viciously, Dan grabbed the stranger by her knuckle, trying to kiss her passionately on her femur. The stranger struggled up, seized Dan by the horn, and with a crafty cackle, dragged him to a nearby wine rack and turned him on his wig.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger began lamely. "The name's Vanessa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dan sputtered testily until Vanessa let go and gleefully turned away with a depraved snicker. Suddenly, Dan reached into his party hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dearie. I got something for you, doll."
Vanessa turned victoriously, drew her can of Raid, and faced Dan. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Talkative? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other madly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Dan lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dan cackled nicely. "You got a lotta thighs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Vanessa took his hand with a grizzled tear. "You know, cupcake, you're kinda dreadful when you're angry."
Dan chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he crooned.