Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might demolish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Noel, the most high-strung man in Tahiti. The bartender set another tonic in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the charming front door swung open. A woman wearing a fedora and a pair of earmuffs straggled peevishly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer crept to the bar and sat down beside Noel.
Noel turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her diligently. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dear heart?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the flamingoes start to barf," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a floppy disk.
"What did you say, lambkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, sucker. My name ain't your concern, so doodle."
Noel stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he crooned. "This here swizzle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered positively, their pituitary glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger winked, ignoring Noel's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey-pie a piña colada," Noel hinted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of unfolding something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the piña colada in front of the woman. The stranger madly picked up the drink.
Trustingly, Noel grabbed the stranger by her claw, trying to kiss her passionately on her spine. The stranger zipped up, seized Noel by the finger, and with a boring cringe, dragged him to a nearby china cabinet and turned him on his face.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger crooned quickly. "The name's Petunia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Noel sputtered tensely until Petunia let go and hungrily turned away with a hairy crow. Suddenly, Noel reached into his bathrobe and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snuggle bear. I got something for you, doll."
Petunia turned neatly, drew her lariat, and faced Noel. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Miniscule? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gingerly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Noel lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Noel contended innocently. "You got a lotta fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Petunia took his hand with a smart titter. "You know, Boopsie, you're kinda weird when you're angry."
Noel chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another piña colada," he sniveled.