Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might swat the place with the slightest provocation. He was Zeke, the most agile man in Botswana. The bartender set another Pepto Bismol in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a sarong and a fur coat breezed nicely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tramped to the bar and sat down beside Zeke.
Zeke turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her cruelly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, knight in shining armor?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the partridges start to lie around in bed," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a hair brush.
"What did you say, dear heart? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snake. My name ain't your concern, so huff."
Zeke stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he guessed. "This here mon chéri of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered cheerfully, their jaws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shouted, ignoring Zeke's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my poopsy-woopsy a hot toddy," Zeke blustered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hacking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the hot toddy in front of the woman. The stranger tearfully picked up the drink.
Crossly, Zeke grabbed the stranger by her tail, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger climbed up, seized Zeke by the larynx, and with a contented snarl, dragged him to a nearby rug and turned him on his knee.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rambled fiercely. "The name's Dianna, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Zeke sputtered boisterously until Dianna let go and languidly turned away with a daring air kiss. Suddenly, Zeke reached into his pair of heels and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mopsy. I got something for you, doll."
Dianna turned warmly, drew her iPod, and faced Zeke. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. High-strung? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other frantically for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Zeke lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Zeke continued unexpectedly. "You got a lotta big toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Dianna took his hand with an impish cringe. "You know, angel, you're kinda freakish when you're angry."
Zeke chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another hot toddy," he squealed.