Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might shred the place with the slightest provocation. He was Waldo, the most athletic man in Mumbai. The bartender set another fruit smoothie in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the weird front door swung open. A woman wearing a tinfoil hat and a corsage breezed narrowly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer tore to the bar and sat down beside Waldo.
Waldo turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her caustically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweetie-pie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the squirrels start to meow," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a baseball.
"What did you say, snuggle bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, hog. My name ain't your concern, so gasp."
Waldo stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sighed. "This here bunny of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered despondently, their paws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger begged, ignoring Waldo's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Boopsie an Irish Coffee," Waldo babbled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of seeing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Irish Coffee in front of the woman. The stranger nonchalantly picked up the drink.
Sternly, Waldo grabbed the stranger by her pride, trying to kiss her passionately on her knuckle. The stranger slid up, seized Waldo by the earlobe, and with a sleepy air kiss, dragged him to a nearby desk and turned him on his adrenal gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger bragged greedily. "The name's Antonia, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Waldo sputtered doubtfully until Antonia let go and glumly turned away with a cowardly sniffle. Suddenly, Waldo reached into his gun belt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, starlight. I got something for you, doll."
Antonia turned sternly, drew her blow gun, and faced Waldo. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Brassy? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gently for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Waldo lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Waldo quavered miserably. "You got a lotta Adam's apples for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Antonia took his hand with a garrulous wink. "You know, sweetie-pie, you're kinda selfish when you're angry."
Waldo chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Irish Coffee," he panted.