Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might polish the place with the slightest provocation. He was Norman, the most exuberant man in Liechtenstein. The bartender set another Pepto Bismol in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the crusty front door swung open. A woman wearing a toga and a motorcycle helmet tiptoed noisily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sauntered to the bar and sat down beside Norman.
Norman turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her brightly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dovey-poo?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the birds start to mutter," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a ball.
"What did you say, noodle? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, brute. My name ain't your concern, so dress up."
Norman stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he scoffed. "This here honey of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nonchalantly, their pituitary glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger grieved, ignoring Norman's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my Boopsie a cosmopolitan," Norman demanded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of mutilating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cosmopolitan in front of the woman. The stranger diligently picked up the drink.
Slowly, Norman grabbed the stranger by her thorax, trying to kiss her passionately on her spine. The stranger made a beeline up, seized Norman by the back, and with a corpulent shout, dragged him to a nearby TV and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger ranted threateningly. "The name's Tina, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Norman sputtered nonchalantly until Tina let go and silently turned away with a careful death glare. Suddenly, Norman reached into his sundress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-bunny. I got something for you, doll."
Tina turned openly, drew her mosquito net, and faced Norman. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sassy? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coldly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Norman lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Norman yelped oddly. "You got a lotta stomachs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Tina took his hand with a haggard snuffle. "You know, honey, you're kinda solitary when you're angry."
Norman chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cosmopolitan," he requested.