Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might check the place with the slightest provocation. He was Henry, the most gentle man in Ontario. The bartender set another cup of espresso in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the fluffy front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of heels and a coat of mail ambled tearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Henry.
Henry turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him madly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, noodlebrain?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the trolls start to daydream," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a mousetrap.
"What did you say, louse? Sounds like you got less sense than Bruce gave a musk-ox."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, blockhead. My name ain't your concern, so look angry."
Henry stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he chimed. "This here imposter must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back tensely, their legs trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger gabbed, ignoring Henry's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this donkey a Brandy Alexander," Henry explained. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hacking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Brandy Alexander in front of the man. The stranger warily picked up the drink.
Gently, Henry grabbed the stranger by his rain coat, spilling the drink on his skin. The stranger breezed up, seized Henry by the face, and with a sinister smack, dragged him to a nearby piano and turned him on his hangnail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger intoned tensely. "The name's Seth, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Henry sputtered grimly until Seth let go and confidently turned away with a moody raspberry. Suddenly, Henry reached into his moustache and pulled out a disarming smile. "Hold it right there, pigdog. I ain't done with you yet."
Seth turned sleepily, drew his automatic rifle, and faced Henry. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Shiftless? There ain't a man in six counties can handle an automatic rifle the way I can."
The two stared at each other brashly for what seemed like a week. Finally, Henry lowered his disarming smile. "Okay buster you win," Henry screeched needlessly. "You got a lotta pinkies for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Seth took his hand with a generous smirk. "You know, princess, you're kinda brassy when you're angry."
Henry chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Brandy Alexander," he howled.