Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might slash the place with the slightest provocation. He was Tex, the most timid man in Utah. The bartender set another whiskey in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hand-carved front door swung open. A woman wearing a towel and a straitjacket jogged suspiciously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer galumphed to the bar and sat down beside Tex.
Tex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her gracefully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bud?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mustangs start to look angry," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a wastebasket.
"What did you say, twinkles? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, scoundrel. My name ain't your concern, so throw up."
Tex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he prattled. "This here noodle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered humbly, their wrists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger declaimed, ignoring Tex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my doll a gin fizz," Tex chuckled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of watching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin fizz in front of the woman. The stranger lovingly picked up the drink.
Fearlessly, Tex grabbed the stranger by her stomach, trying to kiss her passionately on her adrenal gland. The stranger capered up, seized Tex by the buttocks, and with a childish flutter, dragged him to a nearby cash register and turned him on his tummy.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger sniffed blindly. "The name's Elsie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Tex sputtered vigorously until Elsie let go and ferociously turned away with a sociable tear. Suddenly, Tex reached into his helmet and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, beefcake. I got something for you, doll."
Elsie turned haughtily, drew her bad breath, and faced Tex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bellicose? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sadly for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Tex lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Tex sniffed dolorously. "You got a lotta throats for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elsie took his hand with a witty roar. "You know, knight in shining armor, you're kinda disagreeable when you're angry."
Tex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin fizz," he shuddered.