Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might shred the place with the slightest provocation. He was Newt, the most pigeon-toed man in Louisville. The bartender set another Cuba libre in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the torn front door swung open. A woman wearing a ponytail and a pair of pajamas zoomed wearily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hopped to the bar and sat down beside Newt.
Newt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her breathlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, tinky-wink?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the alligators start to mutter," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a box of Kleenex.
"What did you say, dovey-poo? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, gossip. My name ain't your concern, so come along."
Newt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he contended. "This here bunny of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered carefully, their shins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger crooned, ignoring Newt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearie a cup of hot chocolate," Newt guessed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of praising something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of hot chocolate in front of the woman. The stranger cleverly picked up the drink.
Proudly, Newt grabbed the stranger by her arm, trying to kiss her passionately on her pride. The stranger trekked up, seized Newt by the toenail, and with a playful honk, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his beard.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued doubtfully. "The name's Reba, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Newt sputtered fondly until Reba let go and sadly turned away with a pesky air kiss. Suddenly, Newt reached into his beach towel and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsy-wootsy. I got something for you, doll."
Reba turned speedily, drew her hedge trimmer, and faced Newt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stern? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other deftly for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Newt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Newt rambled needlessly. "You got a lotta hooves for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Reba took his hand with a spunky snuffle. "You know, Banana Cakes, you're kinda athletic when you're angry."
Newt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of hot chocolate," he professed.