Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might score the place with the slightest provocation. He was Buck, the most cute man in Yakima. The bartender set another can of Ensure in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the sophisticated front door swung open. A woman wearing a jogging suit and a poncho lurched lovingly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swung to the bar and sat down beside Buck.
Buck turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her fiercely. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, hon?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the foxes start to growl," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cork.
"What did you say, turtle dove? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snake. My name ain't your concern, so stare."
Buck stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he begged. "This here punkin of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered sheepishly, their claws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger grunted, ignoring Buck's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkle toes a cup of eggnog," Buck interrupted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of whipping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of eggnog in front of the woman. The stranger lamely picked up the drink.
Solemnly, Buck grabbed the stranger by her chest, trying to kiss her passionately on her bladder. The stranger skidded up, seized Buck by the fingernail, and with a polite cringe, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his eyelid.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger declared dolefully. "The name's Alyssa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Buck sputtered unexpectedly until Alyssa let go and slyly turned away with a conscientious growl. Suddenly, Buck reached into his bonnet and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, mon bébé. I got something for you, doll."
Alyssa turned primly, drew her blackjack, and faced Buck. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Spindly? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other later for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Buck lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Buck yelped blankly. "You got a lotta front teeth for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Alyssa took his hand with a cunning twitch. "You know, darling, you're kinda garrulous when you're angry."
Buck chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of eggnog," he yawned.