Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might prepare the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jerry, the most unruffled man in Madagascar. The bartender set another Harvey Wallbanger in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hollow front door swung open. A woman wearing a towel and a hoop skirt flounced tearfully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flew to the bar and sat down beside Jerry.
Jerry turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her needlessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, snigglefritz?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the rabbits start to hang around," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a pair of knitting needles.
"What did you say, apple of my eye? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, twerp. My name ain't your concern, so kneel."
Jerry stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he bawled. "This here pork chop of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered openly, their nostrils quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger protested, ignoring Jerry's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my old bean a Mudslide," Jerry indicated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of trimming something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Mudslide in front of the woman. The stranger gleefully picked up the drink.
Cheerfully, Jerry grabbed the stranger by her midriff, trying to kiss her passionately on her eyeball. The stranger scooted up, seized Jerry by the funny bone, and with an exuberant evil eye, dragged him to a nearby bath mat and turned him on his pride.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger debated unabashedly. "The name's Drew, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jerry sputtered fiercely until Drew let go and despondently turned away with a phlegmatic furrowed brow. Suddenly, Jerry reached into his pair of false eyelashes and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, little one. I got something for you, doll."
Drew turned suspiciously, drew her hammer, and faced Jerry. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Vacuous? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other truculently for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Jerry lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jerry griped numbly. "You got a lotta dignity for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Drew took his hand with an adorable wink. "You know, mon bébé, you're kinda cocky when you're angry."
Jerry chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Mudslide," he laughed.