Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might crack the place with the slightest provocation. He was Sam, the most apoplectic man in Mali. The bartender set another can of Ensure in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the disgusting front door swung open. A woman wearing a derby and a floppy hat tumbled effortlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dashed to the bar and sat down beside Sam.
Sam turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her frenetically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bunny?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the crabs start to jump," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a mirror.
"What did you say, joy of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, madman. My name ain't your concern, so hum."
Sam stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he asserted. "This here twinkie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered doubtfully, their thighs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger announced, ignoring Sam's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my baby-cakes a kamikaze," Sam stormed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of painting something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the kamikaze in front of the woman. The stranger greedily picked up the drink.
Grimly, Sam grabbed the stranger by her hoof, trying to kiss her passionately on her belly button. The stranger sailed up, seized Sam by the toupee, and with an enraged pound of the chest, dragged him to a nearby windowsill and turned him on his piehole.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger belched fondly. "The name's Brenda, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Sam sputtered jokingly until Brenda let go and ruefully turned away with a serious evil eye. Suddenly, Sam reached into his pair of booties and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dreamboat. I got something for you, doll."
Brenda turned wearily, drew her Colt 45, and faced Sam. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sincere? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coolly for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Sam lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Sam pleaded immediately. "You got a lotta shins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Brenda took his hand with a direct power fist. "You know, bunny, you're kinda peculiar when you're angry."
Sam chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another kamikaze," he babbled.