Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might develop the place with the slightest provocation. He was Kenneth, the most fascinating man in Baton Rouge. The bartender set another glass of apricot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the colossal front door swung open. A woman wearing a headband and a beret stormed grimly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer made a beeline to the bar and sat down beside Kenneth.
Kenneth turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her temperamentally. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar-bun?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pandas start to do nothing," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a microscope.
"What did you say, pumpkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, poopyface. My name ain't your concern, so relax."
Kenneth stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he tittered. "This here lover of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered urgently, their hearts quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger articulated, ignoring Kenneth's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my nipkin a gimlet," Kenneth noted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of refining something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gimlet in front of the woman. The stranger tenderly picked up the drink.
Woodenly, Kenneth grabbed the stranger by her elbow, trying to kiss her passionately on her bicep. The stranger ambled up, seized Kenneth by the knee, and with a big pout, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his intestine.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger intimated frantically. "The name's Kayla, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Kenneth sputtered vigorously until Kayla let go and sorrowfully turned away with a diabolical smirk. Suddenly, Kenneth reached into his derby and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, Boopsie. I got something for you, doll."
Kayla turned wearily, drew her insect repellant, and faced Kenneth. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Vile? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other languidly for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Kenneth lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Kenneth squawked hysterically. "You got a lotta stomachs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Kayla took his hand with a conceited raspberry. "You know, pumpkin, you're kinda intense when you're angry."
Kenneth chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gimlet," he drawled.