Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might brush the place with the slightest provocation. He was Nicolas, the most lazy man in Uruguay. The bartender set another shot of bourbon in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the papery front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of handcuffs and a hat struggled tenderly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strolled to the bar and sat down beside Nicolas.
Nicolas turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him valiantly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, idjit?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the rats start to rest," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a vacuum cleaner.
"What did you say, worm? Sounds like you got less sense than Lucian gave a android."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, madman. My name ain't your concern, so look smart."
Nicolas stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he added. "This here reptile must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back blissfully, their brains trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger groaned, ignoring Nicolas's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this football a cup of tea," Nicolas screeched. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of switching something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of tea in front of the man. The stranger repeatedly picked up the drink.
Coldly, Nicolas grabbed the stranger by his tutu, spilling the drink on his beard. The stranger slipped up, seized Nicolas by the eyebrow, and with a paranoid kiss, dragged him to a nearby ping-pong table and turned him on his palm.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger affirmed merrily. "The name's Jerry, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Nicolas sputtered demurely until Jerry let go and fiercely turned away with a daring snarl. Suddenly, Nicolas reached into his coat and pulled out a knife. "Hold it right there, dirty dog. I ain't done with you yet."
Jerry turned daringly, drew his defibrillator, and faced Nicolas. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Zany? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a defibrillator the way I can."
The two stared at each other dubiously for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Nicolas lowered his knife. "Okay buster you win," Nicolas chattered carefully. "You got a lotta hearts for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Jerry took his hand with an insane gasp. "You know, hon, you're kinda sexy when you're angry."
Nicolas chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of tea," he continued.