Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might melt the place with the slightest provocation. He was Geoffrey, the most ambitious man in London. The bartender set another piña colada in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ornate front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of Oxfords and a corsage marched sourly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer slunk to the bar and sat down beside Geoffrey.
Geoffrey turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her automatically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, radiant starlight?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the manticores start to ruminate," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a Bunsen burner.
"What did you say, toodleums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, imbecile. My name ain't your concern, so daydream."
Geoffrey stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he vouched. "This here tinky-wink of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered boldly, their biceps quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger pointed out, ignoring Geoffrey's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my angel a cup of tea," Geoffrey mumbled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of scraping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of tea in front of the woman. The stranger rapidly picked up the drink.
Fearfully, Geoffrey grabbed the stranger by her mouth, trying to kiss her passionately on her tummy. The stranger pranced up, seized Geoffrey by the tail, and with a gallant caress, dragged him to a nearby ironing board and turned him on his elbow.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger squeaked peevishly. "The name's Alice, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Geoffrey sputtered thoughtfully until Alice let go and threateningly turned away with a sober tear. Suddenly, Geoffrey reached into his overcoat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, honey-bunny. I got something for you, doll."
Alice turned sympathetically, drew her Millwall brick, and faced Geoffrey. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Haggard? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other gently for what seemed like a year. Finally, Geoffrey lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Geoffrey shouted intensely. "You got a lotta spines for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Alice took his hand with a fiendish snuffle. "You know, beefcake, you're kinda stubborn when you're angry."
Geoffrey chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of tea," he judged.