Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Ryan, the most agitated man in Fort Wayne. The bartender set another latte in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the filthy front door swung open. A woman wearing a hood and a bracelet tumbled softly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer danced to the bar and sat down beside Ryan.
Ryan turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her flightily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, little cherry blossom?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the muskrats start to cringe," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a boomerang.
"What did you say, pumpkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, fanatic. My name ain't your concern, so preach."
Ryan stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he emphasized. "This here sweet of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nicely, their wrists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger raved, ignoring Ryan's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet pea a chamomile tea," Ryan pointed out. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of beating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the woman. The stranger craftily picked up the drink.
Fiercely, Ryan grabbed the stranger by her tail, trying to kiss her passionately on her spine. The stranger strolled up, seized Ryan by the dignity, and with a brazen snuffle, dragged him to a nearby end table and turned him on his adrenal gland.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger begged hopefully. "The name's Bernadette, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Ryan sputtered vigorously until Bernadette let go and anxiously turned away with a disgusting backward glance. Suddenly, Ryan reached into his Stetson hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, teddy bear. I got something for you, doll."
Bernadette turned positively, drew her baseball bat, and faced Ryan. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Bouncy? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other recklessly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Ryan lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Ryan guessed blindly. "You got a lotta skulls for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Bernadette took his hand with a grizzled wag of the finger. "You know, mi amor, you're kinda pesky when you're angry."
Ryan chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he cajoled.