Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strengthen the place with the slightest provocation. He was Beelzebub, the most miniscule man in Washington. The bartender set another Alka-Seltzer in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the brittle front door swung open. A woman wearing a bracelet and a pair of trousers skittered boldly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer went to the bar and sat down beside Beelzebub.
Beelzebub turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her roughly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, gentle soul?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the oysters start to sway," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a doll.
"What did you say, pumpkin? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, dipstick. My name ain't your concern, so stand by."
Beelzebub stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he declared. "This here knight in shining armor of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered greedily, their spines quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger orated, ignoring Beelzebub's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my knight in shining armor a cup of espresso," Beelzebub asked. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of ruining something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of espresso in front of the woman. The stranger fiercely picked up the drink.
Flightily, Beelzebub grabbed the stranger by her esophagus, trying to kiss her passionately on her liver. The stranger sashayed up, seized Beelzebub by the chest, and with a fierce frown, dragged him to a nearby rocking chair and turned him on his lung.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger smirked vigorously. "The name's Helga, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Beelzebub sputtered suavely until Helga let go and deliberately turned away with a bouncy smile. Suddenly, Beelzebub reached into his robe and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, toots. I got something for you, doll."
Helga turned suddenly, drew her quick retort, and faced Beelzebub. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wily? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sarcastically for what seemed like a minute. Finally, Beelzebub lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Beelzebub persisted strangely. "You got a lotta hips for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Helga took his hand with a disagreeable stiff upper lip. "You know, gumdrop, you're kinda mournful when you're angry."
Beelzebub chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of espresso," he explained.