Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might replace the place with the slightest provocation. He was Alex, the most brash man in Lansing. The bartender set another Pepto Bismol in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the musty front door swung open. A woman wearing a cat suit and a pair of boxer shorts skittered surreptitiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sauntered to the bar and sat down beside Alex.
Alex turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her uselessly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, nipkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the coyotes start to blink," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a nail.
"What did you say, shmoopsie-poo? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, wannabe. My name ain't your concern, so mutter."
Alex stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he divulged. "This here dear of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered truculently, their ankles quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger hollered, ignoring Alex's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my friend a cup of cocoa," Alex burbled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of cracking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of cocoa in front of the woman. The stranger zestily picked up the drink.
Tearfully, Alex grabbed the stranger by her heart, trying to kiss her passionately on her belly button. The stranger zipped up, seized Alex by the esophagus, and with a quiet clenched fist, dragged him to a nearby umbrella stand and turned him on his lip.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger provoked temperamentally. "The name's Delores, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Alex sputtered boisterously until Delores let go and thankfully turned away with a talkative laugh. Suddenly, Alex reached into his pair of dentures and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, hon. I got something for you, doll."
Delores turned testily, drew her banjo, and faced Alex. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sloppy? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other threateningly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Alex lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Alex stuttered frenetically. "You got a lotta jaws for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Delores took his hand with a bizarre wrinkled nose. "You know, beloved, you're kinda wary when you're angry."
Alex chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of cocoa," he smirked.