Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might wipe the place with the slightest provocation. He was Roman, the most fascinating man in Lesotho. The bartender set another bottle of water in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hefty front door swung open. A woman wearing a nose ring and a bracelet scurried angrily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dove to the bar and sat down beside Roman.
Roman turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her woodenly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, gentle soul?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the poodles start to clatter," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a peanut.
"What did you say, honey-bunny? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, renegade. My name ain't your concern, so chatter."
Roman stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he commented. "This here dreamboat of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered truculently, their earlobes quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger proposed, ignoring Roman's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweet pea a shot of tequila," Roman blathered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of killing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the shot of tequila in front of the woman. The stranger unexpectedly picked up the drink.
Blissfully, Roman grabbed the stranger by her spleen, trying to kiss her passionately on her little toe. The stranger skipped up, seized Roman by the throat, and with a taciturn belch, dragged him to a nearby hope chest and turned him on his skull.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger sputtered sleepily. "The name's Brandie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Roman sputtered crazily until Brandie let go and diligently turned away with a choleric snicker. Suddenly, Roman reached into his kimono and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dearest. I got something for you, doll."
Brandie turned offhandedly, drew her accordion, and faced Roman. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Awkward? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other dubiously for what seemed like a week. Finally, Roman lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Roman pleaded suspiciously. "You got a lotta kidneys for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Brandie took his hand with a contented sigh. "You know, doll, you're kinda rapacious when you're angry."
Roman chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another shot of tequila," he prattled.