Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might patch the place with the slightest provocation. He was Rosario, the most petulant man in Kuwait. The bartender set another cup of Sanka in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the mysterious front door swung open. A woman wearing a diaper and a pair of khakis crawled hastily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer loped to the bar and sat down beside Rosario.
Rosario turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her courageously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweet pea?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the kangaroos start to grow up," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a chamber pot.
"What did you say, love? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, ignoramous. My name ain't your concern, so breathe."
Rosario stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he mentioned. "This here dear heart of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered nervously, their necks quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger barked, ignoring Rosario's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie an Irish Coffee," Rosario analyzed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hurling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Irish Coffee in front of the woman. The stranger valiantly picked up the drink.
Irritably, Rosario grabbed the stranger by her kidney, trying to kiss her passionately on her aorta. The stranger tore up, seized Rosario by the larynx, and with a somber raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby counter and turned him on his chest.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger announced properly. "The name's Riley, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Rosario sputtered blindly until Riley let go and rapidly turned away with an agile stiff upper lip. Suddenly, Rosario reached into his hood and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Riley turned flightily, drew her bazooka, and faced Rosario. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Demented? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other defiantly for what seemed like a century. Finally, Rosario lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Rosario revealed fervently. "You got a lotta beards for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Riley took his hand with a talkative guffaw. "You know, princess, you're kinda vacuous when you're angry."
Rosario chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Irish Coffee," he complained.