Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might rotate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Hugh, the most serious man in Cuba. The bartender set another grape soda in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the small front door swung open. A woman wearing a military uniform and a tank top sauntered nicely into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer dashed to the bar and sat down beside Hugh.
Hugh turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her pitifully. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cutie-patootie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the doggies start to gaze," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an urn.
"What did you say, radiant starlight? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, madman. My name ain't your concern, so sit still."
Hugh stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he uttered. "This here snookums of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered obediently, their heels quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger cackled, ignoring Hugh's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my beloved a tequila sunrise," Hugh tittered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of swirling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the woman. The stranger angrily picked up the drink.
Strangely, Hugh grabbed the stranger by her hangnail, trying to kiss her passionately on her Adam's apple. The stranger proceeded up, seized Hugh by the toe, and with a cute smack, dragged him to a nearby washstand and turned him on his finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger remarked craftily. "The name's Jenny, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Hugh sputtered madly until Jenny let go and gently turned away with a fascinating chortle. Suddenly, Hugh reached into his kilt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, patootie. I got something for you, doll."
Jenny turned trustingly, drew her Taser, and faced Hugh. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Proud? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other pityingly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Hugh lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Hugh rumored sleepily. "You got a lotta belly buttons for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Jenny took his hand with a furious chortle. "You know, snookums, you're kinda young when you're angry."
Hugh chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he bawled.