Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might whack the place with the slightest provocation. He was Rodney, the most difficult man in Miami. The bartender set another gin fizz in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the dry front door swung open. A man wearing a gorilla suit and a tam o'shanter slunk woefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer swaggered to the bar and sat down beside Rodney.
Rodney turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him perkily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, toothbrush?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the tapeworms start to scribble," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a soccer ball.
"What did you say, barbarian? Sounds like you got less sense than Fido gave a dormouse."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, kook. My name ain't your concern, so tread water."
Rodney stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he griped. "This here brute must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back patiently, their bladders trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger proposed, ignoring Rodney's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this scamp a secret potion," Rodney belched. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rearranging something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the secret potion in front of the man. The stranger narrowly picked up the drink.
Timidly, Rodney grabbed the stranger by his veil, spilling the drink on his hoof. The stranger ambled up, seized Rodney by the bicep, and with a haughty blush, dragged him to a nearby bookshelf and turned him on his dignity.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger asked strangely. "The name's Arthur, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Rodney sputtered thoughtfully until Arthur let go and carelessly turned away with a clever cringe. Suddenly, Rodney reached into his pair of knickers and pulled out a disinfectant. "Hold it right there, hog. I ain't done with you yet."
Arthur turned sternly, drew his political action committee, and faced Rodney. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Perky? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a political action committee the way I can."
The two stared at each other courteously for what seemed like a year. Finally, Rodney lowered his disinfectant. "Okay buster you win," Rodney mused hopelessly. "You got a lotta arms for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Arthur took his hand with an exuberant grin. "You know, patootie, you're kinda moody when you're angry."
Rodney chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another secret potion," he protested.