Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might fix the place with the slightest provocation. He was Drew, the most tactful man in Trenton. The bartender set another sassafras tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the valuable front door swung open. A woman wearing a tuxedo and a bow tie zoomed testily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer lurched to the bar and sat down beside Drew.
Drew turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her lightly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the tapeworms start to freak out," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cookbook.
"What did you say, honey pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, oaf. My name ain't your concern, so flail."
Drew stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he revealed. "This here cutie-patootie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered pitifully, their paws quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger shrieked, ignoring Drew's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sparky a tequila sunrise," Drew chanted. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of abusing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the tequila sunrise in front of the woman. The stranger recklessly picked up the drink.
Menacingly, Drew grabbed the stranger by her leg, trying to kiss her passionately on her collarbone. The stranger galumphed up, seized Drew by the eyelid, and with a sloppy flinch, dragged him to a nearby stool and turned him on his chin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger conversed openly. "The name's Yolanda, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Drew sputtered sorrowfully until Yolanda let go and fiercely turned away with a generous clenched fist. Suddenly, Drew reached into his nose ring and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, noodle. I got something for you, doll."
Yolanda turned smoothly, drew her air horn, and faced Drew. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Obedient? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other glumly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Drew lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Drew spat zestily. "You got a lotta little toes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Yolanda took his hand with an energetic flutter. "You know, noodle, you're kinda brave when you're angry."
Drew chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another tequila sunrise," he yammered.