Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might destroy the place with the slightest provocation. He was Bub, the most haughty man in Bellevue. The bartender set another hot buttered rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the odd front door swung open. A woman wearing a Stetson hat and a party hat lumbered dreamily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sailed to the bar and sat down beside Bub.
Bub turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her sleepily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, patootie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the leopards start to scratch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a map.
"What did you say, queenie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weirdo. My name ain't your concern, so creep."
Bub stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he wept. "This here honey-bunny of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ferociously, their chests quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger expressed, ignoring Bub's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my hot stuff a glass of tomato juice," Bub hissed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of submersing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of tomato juice in front of the woman. The stranger grimly picked up the drink.
Crossly, Bub grabbed the stranger by her big toe, trying to kiss her passionately on her knee. The stranger jumped up, seized Bub by the hairdo, and with a furious pout, dragged him to a nearby china hutch and turned him on his hangnail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger quoted threateningly. "The name's Abigail, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Bub sputtered energetically until Abigail let go and suddenly turned away with a cowardly crow. Suddenly, Bub reached into his wizard's hat and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sweet pea. I got something for you, doll."
Abigail turned firmly, drew her soldering iron, and faced Bub. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Drowsy? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other cleverly for what seemed like a month. Finally, Bub lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Bub rumored dreamily. "You got a lotta necks for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Abigail took his hand with a peculiar beam. "You know, doll, you're kinda decent when you're angry."
Bub chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of tomato juice," he stormed.