Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might overturn the place with the slightest provocation. He was Fabien, the most depraved man in Montgomery. The bartender set another Mudslide in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the important front door swung open. A woman wearing a mortarboard and a burqa barrelled warily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer bounded to the bar and sat down beside Fabien.
Fabien turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her demurely. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, beefcake?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the Dalmatians start to murmur," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with an ice cream cone.
"What did you say, cuddle-bear? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, snake. My name ain't your concern, so chatter."
Fabien stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he sneered. "This here hon of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered humbly, their Adam's apples quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger cackled, ignoring Fabien's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my dearie a painkiller," Fabien whined. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of moistening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the painkiller in front of the woman. The stranger madly picked up the drink.
Curiously, Fabien grabbed the stranger by her tail, trying to kiss her passionately on her appendix. The stranger danced up, seized Fabien by the knee, and with a hairy smack, dragged him to a nearby wardrobe and turned him on his chest.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger voiced dolefully. "The name's Ellen, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Fabien sputtered hopelessly until Ellen let go and silently turned away with an urbane flutter. Suddenly, Fabien reached into his headscarf and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, dearie. I got something for you, doll."
Ellen turned despondently, drew her lasso, and faced Fabien. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Sanguine? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other coolly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Fabien lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Fabien groveled frantically. "You got a lotta kneecaps for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ellen took his hand with a fashionable air kiss. "You know, knight in shining armor, you're kinda sweet when you're angry."
Fabien chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another painkiller," he quavered.