Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might recommend the place with the slightest provocation. He was Justin, the most merry man in Lebanon. The bartender set another Tom and Jerry in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the stuffed front door swung open. A woman wearing a smartwatch and a hat staggered deftly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer climbed to the bar and sat down beside Justin.
Justin turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her peevishly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, bumbles?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elk start to fidget," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a carrot.
"What did you say, sugar-bun? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, shyster. My name ain't your concern, so bleed."
Justin stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he jeered. "This here bumbles of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ferociously, their lungs quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger preached, ignoring Justin's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetheart a Coke," Justin intoned. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of rotating something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Coke in front of the woman. The stranger effortlessly picked up the drink.
Fondly, Justin grabbed the stranger by her spine, trying to kiss her passionately on her pituitary gland. The stranger capered up, seized Justin by the waist, and with a melancholic wrinkled nose, dragged him to a nearby beanbag chair and turned him on his front tooth.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger shrieked gently. "The name's Alissa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Justin sputtered innocently until Alissa let go and timidly turned away with a dumb bound. Suddenly, Justin reached into his pair of socks and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, cupcake. I got something for you, doll."
Alissa turned carelessly, drew her magic spell, and faced Justin. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Angry? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other despondently for what seemed like a century. Finally, Justin lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Justin observed automatically. "You got a lotta hangnails for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Alissa took his hand with a bizarre twitch. "You know, hot stuff, you're kinda selfish when you're angry."
Justin chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Coke," he yelled.