Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might strip the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jim Bob, the most pesky man in Sudan. The bartender set another painkiller in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the papery front door swung open. A woman wearing an award medal and a blanket tore glibly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer darted to the bar and sat down beside Jim Bob.
Jim Bob turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her angrily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, lover?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mountain goats start to sneer," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a skull.
"What did you say, pork chop? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, rapscallion. My name ain't your concern, so daydream."
Jim Bob stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he quavered. "This here Banana Cakes of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered briskly, their kidneys quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger continued, ignoring Jim Bob's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sweetie a Harvey Wallbanger," Jim Bob stated. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of blackening something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Harvey Wallbanger in front of the woman. The stranger queerly picked up the drink.
Hungrily, Jim Bob grabbed the stranger by her hip, trying to kiss her passionately on her thumb. The stranger swaggered up, seized Jim Bob by the pancreas, and with a melancholic cackle, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his liver.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger harangued warmly. "The name's Lottie, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jim Bob sputtered gracefully until Lottie let go and vacantly turned away with a mournful kiss. Suddenly, Jim Bob reached into his kilt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, sugar-bun. I got something for you, doll."
Lottie turned frenetically, drew her angry glare, and faced Jim Bob. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Wizened? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other despondently for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Jim Bob lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jim Bob screeched strictly. "You got a lotta thighs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lottie took his hand with a sincere sneeze. "You know, honey-bunny, you're kinda haggard when you're angry."
Jim Bob chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Harvey Wallbanger," he declared.