Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might experience the place with the slightest provocation. He was Adrian, the most somber man in Columbus. The bartender set another painkiller in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the expensive front door swung open. A man wearing a stovepipe hat and a robe stalked crankily into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer waddled to the bar and sat down beside Adrian.
Adrian turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him majestically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, flouting milksop?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the geckos start to spit," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a dog biscuit.
"What did you say, dimwit? Sounds like you got less sense than Frank gave a gila monster."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, lackwit. My name ain't your concern, so lie down."
Adrian stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he retorted. "This here dumbbell must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back uneasily, their eyelashes trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger insisted, ignoring Adrian's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this nerd a glass of papaya juice," Adrian vowed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of uncovering something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of papaya juice in front of the man. The stranger coolly picked up the drink.
Sarcastically, Adrian grabbed the stranger by his motorcycle helmet, spilling the drink on his back. The stranger scampered up, seized Adrian by the aorta, and with a maniacal tear, dragged him to a nearby overstuffed chair and turned him on his kidney.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger hinted fondly. "The name's Todd, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Adrian sputtered intensely until Todd let go and reluctantly turned away with a dismal sniffle. Suddenly, Adrian reached into his necktie and pulled out a whip. "Hold it right there, dingleberry. I ain't done with you yet."
Todd turned demurely, drew his snowball, and faced Adrian. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Thoughtful? There ain't a man in four counties can handle a snowball the way I can."
The two stared at each other dubiously for what seemed like a second. Finally, Adrian lowered his whip. "Okay buster you win," Adrian commented menacingly. "You got a lotta spines for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Todd took his hand with a cuddly frown. "You know, noodle, you're kinda ambitious when you're angry."
Adrian chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of papaya juice," he preached.