Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refine the place with the slightest provocation. He was Roy, the most silly man in Lexington. The bartender set another chamomile tea in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the miniature front door swung open. A woman wearing a big red rose and a veil zipped deliberately into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer paraded to the bar and sat down beside Roy.
Roy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her dreamily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, doodlebug?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the chameleons start to sit still," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bag of groceries.
"What did you say, light of my life? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weenie. My name ain't your concern, so grin."
Roy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he piped up. "This here swizzle of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered carelessly, their waists quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger barked, ignoring Roy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cream puff a glass of papaya juice," Roy blubbered. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of brandishing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of papaya juice in front of the woman. The stranger cautiously picked up the drink.
Automatically, Roy grabbed the stranger by her fingernail, trying to kiss her passionately on her gut. The stranger bounded up, seized Roy by the jaw, and with a comely wince, dragged him to a nearby mattress and turned him on his skin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger stammered sourly. "The name's Ruby, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Roy sputtered elatedly until Ruby let go and crossly turned away with a prickly sneeze. Suddenly, Roy reached into his bustier and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, tootsie-pie. I got something for you, doll."
Ruby turned curiously, drew her pop gun, and faced Roy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Eccentric? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other wildly for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Roy lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Roy peeped threateningly. "You got a lotta ears for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Ruby took his hand with a muscular hoot. "You know, Pinky, you're kinda self-confident when you're angry."
Roy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of papaya juice," he wept.