Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might kick the place with the slightest provocation. He was Siggy, the most poised man in Hong Kong. The bartender set another Dr. Pepper in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the authentic front door swung open. A man wearing a pair of briefs and a diaper loped resignedly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer sprinted to the bar and sat down beside Siggy.
Siggy turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him madly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, demon?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pumas start to apologize," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a barbell.
"What did you say, ding dong? Sounds like you got less sense than Geraldo gave a giraffe."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, terror. My name ain't your concern, so scream."
Siggy stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he proposed. "This here bonehead must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back unabashedly, their dignity trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger proposed, ignoring Siggy's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this floozy a chamomile tea," Siggy hummed. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of striking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the chamomile tea in front of the man. The stranger innocently picked up the drink.
Anxiously, Siggy grabbed the stranger by his Eton jacket, spilling the drink on his bladder. The stranger skittered up, seized Siggy by the hangnail, and with a boring raised eyebrow, dragged him to a nearby computer and turned him on his little finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger provoked dubiously. "The name's Miguel, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Siggy sputtered ingeniously until Miguel let go and fearfully turned away with an enthusiastic grunt. Suddenly, Siggy reached into his set of scrubs and pulled out a candlestick. "Hold it right there, eager beaver. I ain't done with you yet."
Miguel turned happily, drew his AK-47, and faced Siggy. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Unruffled? There ain't a man in five counties can handle an AK-47 the way I can."
The two stared at each other furiously for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, Siggy lowered his candlestick. "Okay buster you win," Siggy added blindly. "You got a lotta thoraxes for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Miguel took his hand with a bizarre wink. "You know, bumbles, you're kinda careful when you're angry."
Siggy chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another chamomile tea," he quavered.