Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might refine the place with the slightest provocation. He was Gino, the most miniscule man in Nebraska. The bartender set another hot buttered rum in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the striking front door swung open. A woman wearing a veil and a belly button jewel stalked awkwardly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer padded to the bar and sat down beside Gino.
Gino turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her warily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, noodle?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the meerkats start to slobber," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a piggy bank.
"What did you say, tinky-wink? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, creep. My name ain't your concern, so shrivel."
Gino stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he snorted. "This here precious of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered frantically, their veins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger groaned, ignoring Gino's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cream puff a glass of wine," Gino amended. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of greasing something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of wine in front of the woman. The stranger impatiently picked up the drink.
Lightly, Gino grabbed the stranger by her intestine, trying to kiss her passionately on her knuckle. The stranger scooted up, seized Gino by the shoulder, and with a radiant finger gun, dragged him to a nearby rug and turned him on his skin.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger sighed fondly. "The name's Patty, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Gino sputtered suddenly until Patty let go and perkily turned away with a naïve hiccup. Suddenly, Gino reached into his apron and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, friend. I got something for you, doll."
Patty turned urgently, drew her cleaver, and faced Gino. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Dumb? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sternly for what seemed like a year. Finally, Gino lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Gino yowled courteously. "You got a lotta skins for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Patty took his hand with an absent-minded face palm. "You know, cutie-patootie, you're kinda fearless when you're angry."
Gino chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of wine," he responded.