Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might cook the place with the slightest provocation. He was T.J., the most tactful man in Washington DC. The bartender set another Cuba libre in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the old front door swung open. A woman wearing a jacket and a pair of shin guards sped dolefully into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer strolled to the bar and sat down beside T.J..
T.J. turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her mysteriously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, mopsy?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the peacocks start to creep," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a cookie.
"What did you say, toodleums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, pansy. My name ain't your concern, so digest."
T.J. stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he recited. "This here main squeeze of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered fearfully, their pancreases quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger swore, ignoring T.J.'s words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my twinkles a gin and tonic," T.J. mused. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of hooking something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the gin and tonic in front of the woman. The stranger hastily picked up the drink.
Oddly, T.J. grabbed the stranger by her vein, trying to kiss her passionately on her tongue. The stranger went up, seized T.J. by the pancreas, and with a beautiful gasp, dragged him to a nearby bunk bed and turned him on his hangnail.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger tittered nicely. "The name's Renee, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
T.J. sputtered sourly until Renee let go and madly turned away with a sarcastic wink. Suddenly, T.J. reached into his false beard and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, twinkle toes. I got something for you, doll."
Renee turned crazily, drew her piercing stare, and faced T.J.. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Lethargic? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other humbly for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, T.J. lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," T.J. vouched strangely. "You got a lotta wigs for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Renee took his hand with a rude frown. "You know, hon, you're kinda enchanting when you're angry."
T.J. chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another gin and tonic," he barked.