Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might develop the place with the slightest provocation. He was Dusty, the most intense man in Nepal. The bartender set another glass of carrot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the greasy front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of Crocs and a pair of trousers flounced suspiciously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer hobbled to the bar and sat down beside Dusty.
Dusty turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her slowly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, honey-bunny?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the macaques start to daydream," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a ball.
"What did you say, poopsy-woopsy? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, weenie. My name ain't your concern, so exercise."
Dusty stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he shouted. "This here pork chop of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered madly, their knuckles quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger instructed, ignoring Dusty's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my bunny a glass of Kool-Aid," Dusty prattled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of ruining something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of Kool-Aid in front of the woman. The stranger resignedly picked up the drink.
Diligently, Dusty grabbed the stranger by her little finger, trying to kiss her passionately on her aorta. The stranger walked up, seized Dusty by the spine, and with an enthusiastic grimace, dragged him to a nearby billiard table and turned him on his heart.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger observed trustingly. "The name's Alyssa, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Dusty sputtered confidently until Alyssa let go and grudgingly turned away with a fashionable sniffle. Suddenly, Dusty reached into his Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, snuggle bear. I got something for you, doll."
Alyssa turned silently, drew her silver bullet, and faced Dusty. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Ladylike? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other shakily for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Dusty lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Dusty grunted glibly. "You got a lotta horns for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Alyssa took his hand with a smart sniff. "You know, rose petal, you're kinda atrocious when you're angry."
Dusty chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of Kool-Aid," he repeated.