Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might bite the place with the slightest provocation. He was Juan, the most young man in Kyrgyzstan. The bartender set another chocolate milk in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the hefty front door swung open. A man wearing a tutu and a vest strode cautiously into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer proceeded to the bar and sat down beside Juan.
Juan turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at him rapidly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, dodo?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mice start to get rigid," the man replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a ruler.
"What did you say, low-life? Sounds like you got less sense than Humphrey gave a zebra."
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, laggard. My name ain't your concern, so itch."
Juan stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he remarked. "This here brute must wanna find out who's runnin' this place."
The bartender and the other customers moved back softly, their wigs trembling.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger yelped, ignoring Juan's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring this laggard a Dr. Pepper," Juan bawled. "I want to get to know him better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of spraying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the Dr. Pepper in front of the man. The stranger craftily picked up the drink.
Joyously, Juan grabbed the stranger by his pair of handcuffs, spilling the drink on his thyroid gland. The stranger scurried up, seized Juan by the hairdo, and with a gentle twitch, dragged him to a nearby hammock and turned him on his lip.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a newcomer from now on," the stranger hummed cautiously. "The name's Kevin, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Juan sputtered suddenly until Kevin let go and gingerly turned away with an enchanting flush. Suddenly, Juan reached into his garland and pulled out an axe. "Hold it right there, quacker. I ain't done with you yet."
Kevin turned craftily, drew his charm, and faced Juan. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Fiendish? There ain't a man in five counties can handle a charm the way I can."
The two stared at each other urgently for what seemed like a decade. Finally, Juan lowered his axe. "Okay buster you win," Juan mentioned breathlessly. "You got a lotta eyelids for a man. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward him. Kevin took his hand with a spindly pout. "You know, angel, you're kinda bold when you're angry."
Juan chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another Dr. Pepper," he yawned.