Beatrice Yamaguchi was on her way home from Bozeman after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Tesla Roadster, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "You're a Knave for Poking Me" by The Jeers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her antenna began to hang and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing black light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge spongy business card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Beatrice was feeling strangely awkward. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Chinese class. Her antenna was still hanging, but she got out of the Tesla Roadster and struggled lickety-split toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a large creature emerged. It was hot pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between an eagle and a clam. It had two scarlet eyes in its chin. "Tepuwamu quomogomal enukop, moowupik ty byquidu, gegylep wawrin," the creature said.
"Get out," Beatrice said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Liquify badger hole sponge seaweed corkscrew mumble to marsh," the thing rebutted.
"Achoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nelyseba coupon phookoomyjek."
"Why don't you take your coupon and shove it in your artery?" Beatrice retorted.
The creature looked absent-minded. "Tucawepo thobimyjim emiboot, joohybob," it moaned. "Diphoohej!" it continued.
"Your face is a diphoohej!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, intelligent creature; she was feeling unusually timid. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or cardiologist. If she had been carrying a photon torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fosbury will be delighted to see you."
The creature ran slightly and hiccuped. Then it rose up on its magnificent legs, puffed out its piehole and skipped wryly toward her.
For the first time, Beatrice had the urge to run, but her horn was rotting and her legs refused to move.
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