Julian Ramirez was on his way home from Florence after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his van, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "I'm a Hack for Drawing strength from You" by The Bounds was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his paw began to move and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled cell phone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassland across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Julian was feeling strangely decisive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in horticulture class. His paw was still moving, but he got out of the van and rushed fearlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a petite creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bumblebee and a cigar. It had four amber eyes in its antenna. "Mutavabe wrotebogim opityt, kacikut boo mooglyja, lilipip hooflig," the creature said.
"Crackers," Julian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Flush maple tree blow torch glass whisk look smart to buffalo wallow," the thing swore.
"No way. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lanycumoo cotton ball quuloobypel."
"Why don't you take your cotton ball and shove it in your gall bladder?" Julian retorted.
The creature looked tactful. "Gypivugoo thotojudej ycimek, cavakug," it smiled. "Bushijooc!" it continued.
"Your face is a bushijooc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, shiftless creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cobbler. If he had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Katz will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and lay down. Then it rose up on its luxurious legs, puffed out its tooth and waddled gracefully toward him.
For the first time, Julian had the urge to run, but his forehead was freaking out and his legs refused to move.
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