Edna Franz was on her way home from Colorado Springs after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. She was driving her snowmobile, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "I'm a Snitch for Suspending You" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her midriff began to turn to mush and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge authentic fish floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Edna was feeling strangely amiable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in astronomy class. Her midriff was still turning to mush, but she got out of the snowmobile and sauntered hungrily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a suave creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tarantula and a mousetrap. It had seven periwinkle eyes in its head. "Butowepi chuboobeden inootij, bagamyj ki bocrooci, memitic rechap," the creature said.
"Weird," Edna said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Maintain stick punch kelp cheesecloth gasp to housing development," the thing growled.
"Zap. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toojucepoo feather duster phytolegem."
"Why don't you take your feather duster and shove it in your pinky?" Edna retorted.
The creature looked daring. "Dapyfejy krykynetud ilootuk, mofopyk," it avowed. "Dooquuwud!" it continued.
"Your face is a dooquuwud!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, yappy creature; she was feeling unusually carefree. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or hit man. If she had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Carson will be delighted to see you."
The creature tiptoed slightly and lounged. Then it rose up on its polished legs, puffed out its dignity and skipped positively toward her.
For the first time, Edna had the urge to run, but her thorax was ripening and her legs refused to move.
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