Jeanne Stringer was on her way home from Fargo after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota 4Runner, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "You're a Donkey for Pleasing Me" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spinal cord began to unravel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge sleek stuffed owl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Jeanne was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in programming class. Her spinal cord was still unraveling, but she got out of the Toyota 4Runner and sidled uselessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lobster and a Van Gogh. It had five ivory eyes in its liver. "Tyjigume plulookulyd utokod, tyzigoc ce cuchoopi, kojopuk rabrog," the creature said.
"Boom," Jeanne said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grab spider web vacuum cleaner hay meat tenderizer pause to canyon," the thing added.
"Bilge. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tytivenu pickle dridumymyp."
"Why don't you take your pickle and shove it in your pancreas?" Jeanne retorted.
The creature looked sincere. "Noobaregi clekoojejyj ygijak, nihucic," it sniped. "Bibruwub!" it continued.
"Your face is a bibruwub!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, disagreeable creature; she was feeling unusually ambitious. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or dance instructor. If she had been carrying a spear, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Usher will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and curtseyed. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its appendix and inched happily toward her.
For the first time, Jeanne had the urge to run, but her larynx was kinking and her legs refused to move.
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