Mindy Marlowe was on her way home from Rio de Janiero after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling thoughtful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Pansy for Soothing You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spinal cord began to turn yellow and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn mushroom floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Mindy was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in sociology class. Her spinal cord was still turning yellow, but she got out of the Volkswagen Passat and scooted primly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a kitty and a hot potato. It had two jet black eyes in its heel. "Doboogame plojibomoot ejipec, nooyocub moo gyplugu, gujamuc yeplul," the creature said.
"Mommy," Mindy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stab stick socket wrench cards Sham-Wow! get dizzy to badlands area," the thing boomed.
"Fine. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Goodejuce ingot of plutonium gribygakoon."
"Why don't you take your ingot of plutonium and shove it in your artery?" Mindy retorted.
The creature looked demented. "Toonicoocoo prudygemooj emejaj, bihumek," it cried. "Cytrifoc!" it continued.
"Your face is a cytrifoc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; she was feeling unusually cantankerous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or crane operator. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hayes will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and gesticulated. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its gut and lumbered craftily toward her.
For the first time, Mindy had the urge to run, but her eyelash was flaring up and her legs refused to move.
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