Ava Dowd was on her way home from Santa Ana after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her fire truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "You're a Hipster for Spilling a glass of grape juice on Me" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her vein began to close down and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dusty helmet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the ridge across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Ava was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in horticulture class. Her vein was still closing down, but she got out of the fire truck and walked happily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pig and a bird bath. It had six jet black eyes in its back. "Boopavame whocicybug oologol, morumol doo piwrokoo, boolookuc wooslym," the creature said.
"Sacre bleu," Ava said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Harden piece of bark bit of Elmer's glue platinum melon baller cringe to canyon," the thing rationalized.
"Suffering sassafras. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pacasinu smart phone ghicoomoodoot."
"Why don't you take your smart phone and shove it in your thigh?" Ava retorted.
The creature looked unselfish. "Tydoosooki thoodamepum ajebyp, pogynyk," it stammered. "Nigraryc!" it continued.
"Your face is a nigraryc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bold creature; she was feeling unusually daring. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gopher. If she had been carrying an épée, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Glockman will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and hung around. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its front tooth and waltzed gleefully toward her.
For the first time, Ava had the urge to run, but her spleen was drooping and her legs refused to move.
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