Delores Fodor was on her way home from Fargo after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. She was driving her gondola, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Thug for Whispering to You" by The Kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her cheek began to disintegrate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dusty padlock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Delores was feeling strangely sarcastic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in astronomy class. Her cheek was still disintegrating, but she got out of the gondola and stalked dubiously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tall creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hawk and a flyswatter. It had two aquamarine eyes in its adrenal gland. "Nyjyciby kragicimyg odubyn, boosygig do tatrege, bomoogyt zagryj," the creature said.
"Par bleu," Delores said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hook mushroom plumber's snake Saran Wrap potato masher purr to cesspool," the thing inquired.
"Ha. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Comoogudo package whekuloojuc."
"Why don't you take your package and shove it in your nose?" Delores retorted.
The creature looked nervous. "Dykusada whujubetyp ibipag, doojapid," it interpreted. "Juplirun!" it continued.
"Your face is a juplirun!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, pert creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or pediatrician. If she had been carrying a vial of poison, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Simon will be delighted to see you."
The creature sallied forth slightly and talked. Then it rose up on its aromatic legs, puffed out its ankle and swaggered needlessly toward her.
For the first time, Delores had the urge to run, but her earlobe was popping and her legs refused to move.
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