Jesus Ostrander was on his way home from Auckland after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. He was driving his gondola, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wisconsin, etc. etc. "I'm a Nut for Getting to know You" by The Belly laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ankle began to radiate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking file folder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Jesus was feeling strangely generous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in anatomy class. His ankle was still radiating, but he got out of the gondola and tramped caustically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dormouse and a tube of glue. It had four rose eyes in its forehead. "Komasopoo klyjicugyt udekyl, cyyinyg mi moocloonoo, pelymec vaglej," the creature said.
"Great Jehosaphat," Jesus said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pulverize dead fish staple gun cast iron candy thermometer cough to briar patch," the thing fantasized.
"Crud. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cekerapo cigarette lighter plucytapoc."
"Why don't you take your cigarette lighter and shove it in your toupee?" Jesus retorted.
The creature looked shiftless. "Bokyyipi pridinujyc ookooceg, lugulyj," it repeated. "Cycrasoon!" it continued.
"Your face is a cycrasoon!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tactful creature; he was feeling unusually modest. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or counselor. If he had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Moore will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and rocked. Then it rose up on its amazing legs, puffed out its belly button and ran glibly toward him.
For the first time, Jesus had the urge to run, but his thorax was roasting and his legs refused to move.
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