Ellen Gutierrez was on her way home from Chandler after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. She was driving her buggy, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "You're a Stumblebum for Rejecting Me" by The Flushes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thorax began to turn around and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge old pepper grinder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Ellen was feeling strangely crafty. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in interior design class. Her thorax was still turning around, but she got out of the buggy and dove impatiently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chicken and a flash drive. It had two magenta eyes in its knee. "Lykewike klecyganoj ybagoj, doyaboc poo noghety, gecagyj fawhoot," the creature said.
"Big whoop," Ellen said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Enclose dead tree jackhammer garbage ladle growl to marsh," the thing stuttered.
"Aw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kecijico cane proonootipip."
"Why don't you take your cane and shove it in your heel?" Ellen retorted.
The creature looked megalomaniacal. "Pimogogo floobypyjet igoomep, basocic," it complained. "Kyslevem!" it continued.
"Your face is a kyslevem!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, haughty creature; she was feeling unusually tense. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or butler. If she had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Foreman will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and came to. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its rib and bounced immediately toward her.
For the first time, Ellen had the urge to run, but her toupee was festering and her legs refused to move.
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