Brent Tilley was on his way home from San Diego after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. He was driving his school bus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "You're a Creep for Tantalizing Me" by The Simpers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pinky began to feel numb and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge puzzling muffin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the peninsula across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Brent was feeling strangely daring. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in music theory class. His pinky was still feeling numb, but he got out of the school bus and dove thoughtfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between an elephant and a pencil. It had three mauve eyes in its knuckle. "Gitizola drijiletup umemyp, jocupym ju japhebu, coodybej votruk," the creature said.
"Egad," Brent said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Control poison ivy plant roll of duct tape Bakelite foot carry on to oasis," the thing gasped.
"Ha-ha. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toobuwucy piece of chalk chootepibec."
"Why don't you take your piece of chalk and shove it in your eyeball?" Brent retorted.
The creature looked artistic. "Milocepu phybenytac apimug, kerymyt," it wailed. "Loofreyup!" it continued.
"Your face is a loofreyup!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, merry creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or florist. If he had been carrying a soldering iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McCord will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and typed. Then it rose up on its heavy legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and bolted delicately toward him.
For the first time, Brent had the urge to run, but his wig was spreading and his legs refused to move.
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