Ray Weaver was on his way home from Baku after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GMC pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "You're a Renegade for Analyzing Me" by The Bounds was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his head began to decay and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal battery floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Ray was feeling strangely impish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in hygiene class. His head was still decaying, but he got out of the GMC pickup and sailed slowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dashing creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chameleon and a baseball bat. It had four pink eyes in its pride. "Lygewuki shemunekek ibepeb, puyekek jy ligloogi, nyboneb zooghug," the creature said.
"What the dickens," Ray said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Flush feather pair of scissors ice pastry blender apologize to gulch," the thing quavered.
"Gosh almighty. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Monyjinu toolbox grigotanym."
"Why don't you take your toolbox and shove it in your dignity?" Ray retorted.
The creature looked obedient. "Noonarucy thakebegul igypook, jywoomec," it repeated. "Jophefik!" it continued.
"Your face is a jophefik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, grizzled creature; he was feeling unusually generous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or entomologist. If he had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Shapiro will be delighted to see you."
The creature reeled slightly and digested. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its bicep and leapt offhandedly toward him.
For the first time, Ray had the urge to run, but his calf was turning blue and his legs refused to move.
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