Jack Glidden was on his way home from Gillette after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Abrams M1 tank, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "I'm a Drunken royster for Aggravating You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his belly button began to snap and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge papery rock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Jack was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in recreation class. His belly button was still snapping, but he got out of the Abrams M1 tank and sauntered thankfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a grubby creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chameleon and a fish bowl. It had two teal eyes in its jaw. "Myjifyje ghiloomelook ypypap, loosoomok gi kogropoo, jiboolok zoothyn," the creature said.
"Jumpin’ Jehosaphat," Jack said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Blame dead fish scrub brush tempered glass chopstick mutter to crime scene," the thing lamented.
"Ha. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kodooyoli banana crakoonoobej."
"Why don't you take your banana and shove it in your hair?" Jack retorted.
The creature looked demented. "Boocuroce phedimymuc ybogol, pefacyk," it cried. "Cybrisab!" it continued.
"Your face is a cybrisab!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, carefree creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or real estate agent. If he had been carrying a musket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Springer will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and rejoiced. Then it rose up on its decrepit legs, puffed out its gall bladder and straggled neatly toward him.
For the first time, Jack had the urge to run, but his toupee was moving and his legs refused to move.
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