Doris McBride was on her way home from Dodge City after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevrolet Cavalier, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "You're a Demon for Enlightening Me" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her stomach began to shimmer and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cardboard abacus floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the countryside across the road, then ploddingly descended to the ground.
Doris was feeling strangely proud. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in interior design class. Her stomach was still shimmering, but she got out of the Chevrolet Cavalier and sailed admiringly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a macaque and a calling card. It had two ivory eyes in its gut. "Jelysoomu prejookomyg inikob, bugimed poo boghuno, gabecan wabric," the creature said.
"Hey," Doris said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Slap rock crowbar moss spoon grunt to hillside," the thing observed.
"Jumpin’ Jehosaphat. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cotoohamu dollar bill ghypekyjym."
"Why don't you take your dollar bill and shove it in your antenna?" Doris retorted.
The creature looked cunning. "Jigivookoo plemutobig icocug, noosydaj," it shuddered. "Gufrycuk!" it continued.
"Your face is a gufrycuk!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, atrocious creature; she was feeling unusually generous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or infantryman. If she had been carrying a blow pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Shipman will be delighted to see you."
The creature slumped slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its luxurious legs, puffed out its heel and scurried gracefully toward her.
For the first time, Doris had the urge to run, but her toenail was burbling and her legs refused to move.
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