Biff Santos was on his way home from Scottsdale after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Smart Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Snoop for Shaking You" by The Crows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his horn began to turn green and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damp telephone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Biff was feeling strangely humble. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in science class. His horn was still turning green, but he got out of the Smart Car and sneaked slowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dinky creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between a moose and a fishhook. It had six azure eyes in its forehead. "Paperyty flagutanyt unetan, boovoopip le petrily, joonedad zequuj," the creature said.
"Aaaw," Biff said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Manage leaf wrench feather dull knife jerk to countryside," the thing sniveled.
"Bada bing bada boom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bycoroopu grease gun sletejoleb."
"Why don't you take your grease gun and shove it in your femur?" Biff retorted.
The creature looked haughty. "Gupoowymo plotomibal enaket, gihoobog," it spoke up. "Gaslywup!" it continued.
"Your face is a gaslywup!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, weird creature; he was feeling unusually sarcastic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or minister. If he had been carrying a lariat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lawson will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and growled. Then it rose up on its used legs, puffed out its fingernail and trotted tensely toward him.
For the first time, Biff had the urge to run, but his spleen was wobbling and his legs refused to move.
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