Gunther Greco was on his way home from Rockford after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his carriage, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "You're a Crazy person for Harassing Me" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his waist began to flutter and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious can of beans floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Gunther was feeling strangely awkward. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in zoology class. His waist was still fluttering, but he got out of the carriage and walked proudly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a yak and a baseball. It had five turquoise eyes in its leg. "Toogoohalu trymenolig umitum, lifajol je kikreje, coopytom geshed," the creature said.
"Eeek," Gunther said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Harden twig pipe wrench junk car piece of cheesecloth screech to range," the thing emphasized.
"Neato. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lyliguloo blank check procijogyp."
"Why don't you take your blank check and shove it in your femur?" Gunther retorted.
The creature looked brash. "Jidesumo frypunalool ocodut, pajanat," it scoffed. "Pyphusil!" it continued.
"Your face is a pyphusil!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sexy creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or phlebotomist. If he had been carrying an automatic rifle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Coons will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and cringed. Then it rose up on its imitation legs, puffed out its femur and lurched merrily toward him.
For the first time, Gunther had the urge to run, but his ego was tingling and his legs refused to move.
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