Smiley Rawlings was on his way home from Panama City after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Land Rover, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "You're a Reptile for Touching Me" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toe began to get sticky and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imitation fishhook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Smiley was feeling strangely sassy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in calculus class. His toe was still getting sticky, but he got out of the Land Rover and paraded dolefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between an anaconda and an egg shell. It had six sparkly eyes in its finger. "Pocugoogoo frelonucoom ycocyp, goricod ge dughocy, dojatat faphat," the creature said.
"I think not," Smiley said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fabricate sea shell corkscrew lithium Sham-Wow! laugh to pasture," the thing protested.
"That's crazy talk. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dotugica handkerchief kromokubyn."
"Why don't you take your handkerchief and shove it in your hoof?" Smiley retorted.
The creature looked direct. "Lacyjeji grocygamat imebad, kivoolook," it snorted. "Tikrazog!" it continued.
"Your face is a tikrazog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, stubby creature; he was feeling unusually fiendish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or interior designer. If he had been carrying a pop gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hill will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and flushed. Then it rose up on its burned legs, puffed out its spinal cord and swaggered briskly toward him.
For the first time, Smiley had the urge to run, but his fingernail was fluttering and his legs refused to move.
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