Kylie Munich was on her way home from Taiwan after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling nervous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her donkey cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Snowflake for Praising You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her wrist began to slide and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing beige light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dusty playing card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the marsh across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Kylie was feeling strangely thoughtful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in the alphabet class. Her wrist was still sliding, but she got out of the donkey cart and swung innocently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frizzle-headed creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ass and a dog collar. It had six blue eyes in its rib. "Jicuhedi drumoopolyd oogecyj, tyzypul coo mooglema, nutilyj zoogrood," the creature said.
"Wow," Kylie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Distort seed pod flashlight asbestos fork snuffle to mountain," the thing ranted.
"Ultimate. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jecezoogy toilet seat thucookedoop."
"Why don't you take your toilet seat and shove it in your front tooth?" Kylie retorted.
The creature looked sanguine. "Mobozeme broobabidaj unootob, piwepud," it yelled. "Kokluham!" it continued.
"Your face is a kokluham!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, atrocious creature; she was feeling unusually tense. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or quilter. If she had been carrying a smoke bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hanks will be delighted to see you."
The creature tramped slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its abnormal legs, puffed out its intestine and slumped awkwardly toward her.
For the first time, Kylie had the urge to run, but her wig was turning black and her legs refused to move.
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