William Crabtree was on his way home from Gettysburg after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Subaru, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "You're an Idiot for Mesmerizing Me" by The Hoots was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toenail began to vex and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible blank check floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
William was feeling strangely relaxed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in grassland management class. His toenail was still vexing, but he got out of the Subaru and skidded courageously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a well-built creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a telephone. It had four camouflage eyes in its antenna. "Jekagyne ghejoopolit otyned, myhocik di doocrugu, nipolep fookroc," the creature said.
"Very interesting," William said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stash stick pipe wrench Portland cement turkey baster collapse to cornfield," the thing sobbed.
"Ack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jibicali basket wracogoted."
"Why don't you take your basket and shove it in your aorta?" William retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Mudowoca flykukookem utootoot, jogygyk," it spouted. "Coogloohog!" it continued.
"Your face is a coogloohog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, freakish creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or preacher. If he had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Chang will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and swallowed. Then it rose up on its old legs, puffed out its eyelid and set out flightily toward him.
For the first time, William had the urge to run, but his hangnail was oozing and his legs refused to move.
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