William Gong was on his way home from Providence after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his unicycle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Curmudgeon for Irritating You" by The Power fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his cheek began to get scaly and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ornate fire hose floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
William was feeling strangely proud. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in molecular biology class. His cheek was still getting scaly, but he got out of the unicycle and swaggered grandly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a slender creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gerbil and a pink flamingo. It had three pea green eyes in its hoof. "Cudehoole slojookoonoom oojikog, migoocen pe nychani, mebebyl caflyg," the creature said.
"Of course," William said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Harden wildflower broadaxe plasma bare foot roll to marsh," the thing concluded.
"Aaack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Koomefylo firecracker klagimilit."
"Why don't you take your firecracker and shove it in your throat?" William retorted.
The creature looked loving. "Bebooganu slubilelyg ootoojyg, tejimom," it cajoled. "Tewrahug!" it continued.
"Your face is a tewrahug!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cantankerous creature; he was feeling unusually hysterical. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or translator. If he had been carrying a water balloon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hoffmann will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and cleared out. Then it rose up on its jagged legs, puffed out its eyelash and danced gleefully toward him.
For the first time, William had the urge to run, but his pituitary gland was scaling off and his legs refused to move.
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