Pam Findley was on her way home from Miami after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling excitable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her MG Midget, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "You're an Airhead for Satisfying Me" by The Grimaces was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to shimmer and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge spongy cream puff floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Pam was feeling strangely humble. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in statistics class. Her piehole was still shimmering, but she got out of the MG Midget and loped charmingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plump creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mosquito and a cactus plant. It had six violet eyes in its jaw. "Debicydo trubaketek ujagyd, pogoobip ly bicholoo, tecydep zychik," the creature said.
"Dang," Pam said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Drench spring sand blaster porcelain turkey baster cough to beach," the thing pronounced.
"Banzai. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dykovaku potato proomidymyt."
"Why don't you take your potato and shove it in your jaw?" Pam retorted.
The creature looked brassy. "Geboyoma wrajoogygun upemok, duwibed," it railed. "Kywhuzom!" it continued.
"Your face is a kywhuzom!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, young creature; she was feeling unusually somber. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or makeup artist. If she had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wagner will be delighted to see you."
The creature slumped slightly and got along. Then it rose up on its grubby legs, puffed out its collarbone and made a beeline cleverly toward her.
For the first time, Pam had the urge to run, but her eye was flaking off and her legs refused to move.
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