Cornelius Smirnov was on his way home from Stockton after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "I'm an Animal for Scaring You" by The Flushes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lung began to creak and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aqua light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electronic iPod floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Cornelius was feeling strangely humble. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in cowbell class. His lung was still creaking, but he got out of the covered wagon and blundered wildly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a suave creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and a piece of paper. It had six azure eyes in its lung. "Cicuwiba wredegylad odenog, boosymep be kupliju, nodyjool zethat," the creature said.
"Um," Cornelius said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stabilize feather makeup brush rolled oat whisk grimace to mountain," the thing yammered.
"Whoa. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Goojogooli pepper grinder crypepoonod."
"Why don't you take your pepper grinder and shove it in your lung?" Cornelius retorted.
The creature looked cunning. "Gediwicu flagootojyl ubabol, goozecip," it instructed. "Pethesac!" it continued.
"Your face is a pethesac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, obese creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or interpreter. If he had been carrying a dart gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Chu will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and clapped. Then it rose up on its hand-painted legs, puffed out its leg and bolted dreamily toward him.
For the first time, Cornelius had the urge to run, but his esophagus was disintegrating and his legs refused to move.
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