Liz Oglesby was on her way home from Baghdad after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "You're a Nitwit for Quarreling with Me" by The Stiff upper lips was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toe began to hurt and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious magazine floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Liz was feeling strangely frantic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in government class. Her toe was still hurting, but she got out of the dog cart and scurried sharply toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a newt and a rag. It had three amber eyes in its Adam's apple. "Boomiyypy brimyjidin yjabin, jefubul to pooghoodoo, megecim gaphoop," the creature said.
"Suffering sassafras," Liz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strengthen mulberry tree monkey wrench brick turkey baster pause to seashore," the thing cried.
"I'm so sure. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kanijoomu yo-yo drokukapyn."
"Why don't you take your yo-yo and shove it in your hangnail?" Liz retorted.
The creature looked mean. "Kinozydo clopanapoon egoogyn, toyopij," it smiled. "Nycloocil!" it continued.
"Your face is a nycloocil!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, obese creature; she was feeling unusually brave. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or fortune teller. If she had been carrying a Geiger counter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cotton will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and clattered. Then it rose up on its ancient legs, puffed out its abdomen and climbed wildly toward her.
For the first time, Liz had the urge to run, but her intestine was undulating and her legs refused to move.
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