Anton Arthur was on his way home from Bull Run after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Yugo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arizona, etc. etc. "I'm an Oaf for Spanking You" by The Backward glances was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eye began to glow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fabulous key ring floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then ploddingly descended to the ground.
Anton was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astrophysics class. His eye was still glowing, but he got out of the Yugo and breezed sympathetically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a brown-eyed creature emerged. It was terra cotta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cheetah and a water bottle. It had seven black eyes in its back. "Daduhamy gratinoocoog epocip, mojejad ta cechine, poodokog cefrat," the creature said.
"Never mind," Anton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whirl cactus woodworker's clamp old bottle pastry blender creep to arroyo," the thing groaned.
"Lo and behold. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lagoovatoo lemon tribeloben."
"Why don't you take your lemon and shove it in your liver?" Anton retorted.
The creature looked calm. "Lomeyyco shootebuton enootooj, nivapam," it raved. "Beplowoog!" it continued.
"Your face is a beplowoog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bad creature; he was feeling unusually disagreeable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or criminal. If he had been carrying a pom-pom, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Busch will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and got along. Then it rose up on its mysterious legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and darted dreamily toward him.
For the first time, Anton had the urge to run, but his brain was unraveling and his legs refused to move.
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