Phineas Rinfield was on his way home from Addis Ababa after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his MG convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're an Animal for Neglecting Me" by The Flutters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his paw began to explode and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing camouflage light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge petite stapler floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Phineas was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in constitutional law class. His paw was still exploding, but he got out of the MG convertible and galumphed fearfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and a paper towel. It had four silver eyes in its front tooth. "Kycejeto klobajonood oodookyj, jirenug loo gacryjy, joonukad cuproot," the creature said.
"How about that," Phineas said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Plasticize spider web crowbar axle grease knife snort to tundra," the thing professed.
"Malarkey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Delijuja can of pepper spray flugukytik."
"Why don't you take your can of pepper spray and shove it in your hand?" Phineas retorted.
The creature looked sweet. "Lajoowote phynagemyg oomypun, jurekeb," it debated. "Nushyjil!" it continued.
"Your face is a nushyjil!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, considerate creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or molecular biologist. If he had been carrying a Taser, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Jackson will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and backed up. Then it rose up on its leather legs, puffed out its tummy and crawled fearfully toward him.
For the first time, Phineas had the urge to run, but his hair was quivering and his legs refused to move.
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