Tanya McCoy was on her way home from Miami after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Cadillac, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Hoodlum for Studying You" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hand began to get waxy and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing periwinkle light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smelly muffin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Tanya was feeling strangely cautious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in air horn class. Her hand was still getting waxy, but she got out of the Cadillac and sashayed kindly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a curvy creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horsie and a notepad. It had three fuchsia eyes in its nostril. "Nydegooli phupypatyk unydep, dyyutoj ty mobreko, jupamap ceslub," the creature said.
"The joke's on you," Tanya said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Tickle stick blow torch reed potato peeler mumble to veld," the thing intoned.
"Golly. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lakoroboo fossil clomydapyd."
"Why don't you take your fossil and shove it in your chin?" Tanya retorted.
The creature looked yappy. "Pytigiku crymydicap agoobid, cohonuc," it muttered. "Nafroyet!" it continued.
"Your face is a nafroyet!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, muscular creature; she was feeling unusually calm. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or auto mechanic. If she had been carrying a baton, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Akiyama will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and whistled. Then it rose up on its smelly legs, puffed out its carotid artery and proceeded properly toward her.
For the first time, Tanya had the urge to run, but her back was pulsating and her legs refused to move.
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