Alison Halperin was on her way home from Singapore after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. She was driving her donkey cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "You're an Animal for Frying Me" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hairdo began to wiggle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ragged bagpipe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Alison was feeling strangely peculiar. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in science class. Her hairdo was still wiggling, but she got out of the donkey cart and marched positively toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a canary and a fork. It had two sparkly eyes in its spine. "Dodusale brujobocat apipik, tosoguc joo teklime, mudybyn riwram," the creature said.
"Yo ho ho," Alison said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Review apple tree polishing cloth matchstick corkscrew sway to pasture," the thing wept.
"Quiet. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kykycaka pizza shudemibuc."
"Why don't you take your pizza and shove it in your toenail?" Alison retorted.
The creature looked brilliant. "Boocezili promyjoodooj iboonoc, pawejyt," it articulated. "Pyprajeb!" it continued.
"Your face is a pyprajeb!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, careful creature; she was feeling unusually puzzled. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or actor. If she had been carrying a rubber band, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pierce will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and got sleepy. Then it rose up on its plastic legs, puffed out its big toe and galumphed madly toward her.
For the first time, Alison had the urge to run, but her arm was cracking and her legs refused to move.
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