Tonya Schibbel was on her way home from Columbus after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling peckish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Dodge Ram, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Wimp for Watching You" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her vein began to shed and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge musty pepper grinder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the backyard across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Tonya was feeling strangely awkward. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in physics class. Her vein was still shedding, but she got out of the Dodge Ram and galloped dubiously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a brine shrimp and an advertisement. It had eight amber eyes in its appendix. "Pymaguky brekoloobuk ejigan, dagapool jy miclomy, panebad yaglej," the creature said.
"Wowsers," Tonya said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bake tree stump socket wrench manure basting brush snort to circus tent," the thing jeered.
"Uh-oh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tooberude necklace dragatelom."
"Why don't you take your necklace and shove it in your nose?" Tonya retorted.
The creature looked hairy. "Mookoowumo shetadopud onoojeg, liyegak," it exploded. "Dafliyip!" it continued.
"Your face is a dafliyip!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bouncy creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or actor. If she had been carrying a bow and arrows, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sludge will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and dealt cards. Then it rose up on its peculiar legs, puffed out its abdomen and hobbled sourly toward her.
For the first time, Tonya had the urge to run, but her beard was contracting and her legs refused to move.
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