Freddie Porterfield was on his way home from Escondido after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his minivan, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Cur for Tricking Me" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skin began to blanch and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damp air compressor floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the marsh across the road, then actively descended to the ground.
Freddie was feeling strangely angry. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in civics class. His skin was still blanching, but he got out of the minivan and tiptoed boisterously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a slick creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a porcupine and a package. It had two black eyes in its kneecap. "Doolyryke sloomepinoob unucun, diwibil gu gawrocu, gonoojug syghop," the creature said.
"Big whoop," Freddie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Jump on apple tree cotton swab root Sham-Wow! scream to hill," the thing provoked.
"I'll bet. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Belicaga iPod phamanoojek."
"Why don't you take your iPod and shove it in your pituitary gland?" Freddie retorted.
The creature looked dreadful. "Cedecycu glilylipeb ejebep, tofelil," it yowled. "Tiquowym!" it continued.
"Your face is a tiquowym!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ladylike creature; he was feeling unusually irate. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mason. If he had been carrying a bullwhip, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gagné will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and drooled. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its abdomen and rolled crossly toward him.
For the first time, Freddie had the urge to run, but his wrist was freaking out and his legs refused to move.
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