Dolores Wooten was on her way home from St. Louis after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling shy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "I'm a Fink for Defeating You" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her stomach began to petrify and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge big photograph floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Dolores was feeling strangely petulant. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in cartography class. Her stomach was still petrifying, but she got out of the Chevy Impala and slithered glibly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a partridge and a fishing pole. It had eight striped eyes in its brain. "Judifyjo shamybodoob oonamuc, gafebol le pokroome, pemycik regrag," the creature said.
"You bet," Dolores said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wipe leaf welding torch canvas egg cutter get frazzled to dumpster," the thing wailed.
"Durn it. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lapuyebi pencil drynootulep."
"Why don't you take your pencil and shove it in your neck?" Dolores retorted.
The creature looked fiendish. "Byteciky floonunomud alibum, nirigoot," it exploded. "Nooquuvin!" it continued.
"Your face is a nooquuvin!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, hysterical creature; she was feeling unusually cantankerous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or song writer. If she had been carrying a ghetto blaster, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Frank will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and grunted. Then it rose up on its hard legs, puffed out its hoof and pranced urgently toward her.
For the first time, Dolores had the urge to run, but her eyelash was shedding and her legs refused to move.
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