Stuart Bobble was on his way home from Córdoba after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevrolet Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Connecticut, etc. etc. "You're a Scurvy bilge rat for Tripping Me" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his chest began to flutter and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge worn clock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Stuart was feeling strangely nervous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in French class. His chest was still fluttering, but he got out of the Chevrolet Impala and went courageously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lark and a napkin. It had three green eyes in its chest. "Byjyvuboo trycejutim oomajep, cyzoodun te cadraga, petokon gyphym," the creature said.
"Hah," Stuart said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Consider mulberry tree wire stripper polystyrene paring knife tremble to battlefield," the thing croaked.
"Blast. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pecoofolu cigarette dralookecoop."
"Why don't you take your cigarette and shove it in your dignity?" Stuart retorted.
The creature looked sleek. "Koocazeloo trodakynuk olenac, lywidit," it wondered. "Coochycuc!" it continued.
"Your face is a coochycuc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, idiotic creature; he was feeling unusually timid. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or coin collector. If he had been carrying a scythe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Findley will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its rusty legs, puffed out its heart and lurched brashly toward him.
For the first time, Stuart had the urge to run, but his dignity was gnarling and his legs refused to move.
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