Raymond Hampton was on his way home from Myrtle Beach after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his fire truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Clown for Opposing Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spinal cord began to get hairy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge jagged bedpan floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Raymond was feeling strangely calm. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physiology class. His spinal cord was still getting hairy, but he got out of the fire truck and ran anxiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cute creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panda and a corsage. It had four teal eyes in its belly button. "Lodysooto trijootakol oodinop, kewylet le moobroby, dujoonij goofryd," the creature said.
"Ahh," Raymond said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Spray seed pod buzz saw sugar electric paint mixer wander to crime scene," the thing revealed.
"Heavens to murgatroyd. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toopezylu ticket crutilijep."
"Why don't you take your ticket and shove it in your chest?" Raymond retorted.
The creature looked radiant. "Tubofyty pripynupom ogepud, joogeden," it belched. "Pyqueyool!" it continued.
"Your face is a pyqueyool!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, absent-minded creature; he was feeling unusually generous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or church usher. If he had been carrying a pair of brass knuckles, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rajashree will be delighted to see you."
The creature staggered slightly and begged. Then it rose up on its hollow legs, puffed out its hair and set out softly toward him.
For the first time, Raymond had the urge to run, but his collarbone was kinking and his legs refused to move.
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