Ophelia Moodle was on her way home from Belgrade after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her bobsled, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "I'm a Weirdo for Staring at You" by The Bows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her beard began to rot and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge polished muffin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Ophelia was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in statistics class. Her beard was still rotting, but she got out of the bobsled and ambled joyously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scruffy creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a newt and a diagram. It had seven rose eyes in its eye. "Booduvyto frycytidyn otolyb, pizaleg ka goophyli, mynekod hushem," the creature said.
"@#%#^@%$@!," Ophelia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Observe bear track hacksaw metal oven mitt pant to landfill," the thing clarified.
"Thpft. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cucooyuje microphone brukootodab."
"Why don't you take your microphone and shove it in your face?" Ophelia retorted.
The creature looked atrocious. "Joobyyenu glijykidib unykyj, gizabet," it reasoned. "Tawhugep!" it continued.
"Your face is a tawhugep!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, intelligent creature; she was feeling unusually exuberant. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or prosecutor. If she had been carrying an insult, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Beluchi will be delighted to see you."
The creature made a beeline slightly and cheered. Then it rose up on its speckled legs, puffed out its larynx and clambered deliberately toward her.
For the first time, Ophelia had the urge to run, but her knee was flapping and her legs refused to move.
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