Paco Emmons was on his way home from Huntington Beach after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling crafty now that the meetings were over. He was driving his panel truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Dunderhead for Glaring at Me" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tooth began to oscillate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive drab light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge curved biscuit floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Paco was feeling strangely puzzled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in folklore class. His tooth was still oscillating, but he got out of the panel truck and tramped oddly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frail creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a basset hound and a mushroom. It had seven emerald green eyes in its big toe. "Kotawole whemylacoj ogyjib, tufatog ty nyproole, goomoonic vypryd," the creature said.
"The joke's on you," Paco said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unwrap twig rake wax meat thermometer swear to dumpster," the thing debated.
"Oh please. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nejooyooke roll of duct tape bradekokyp."
"Why don't you take your roll of duct tape and shove it in your pride?" Paco retorted.
The creature looked somber. "Gobajoty thikoopikab ookycuc, pajymim," it sniffed. "Megloosit!" it continued.
"Your face is a megloosit!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, generous creature; he was feeling unusually generous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or messenger. If he had been carrying a bow and arrows, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fosbury will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and thought. Then it rose up on its valuable legs, puffed out its ankle and reeled vigorously toward him.
For the first time, Paco had the urge to run, but his back was feeling weird and his legs refused to move.
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