Tracy Mainz was on her way home from Albuquerque after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling ambitious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ferrari, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "You're a Vile viper for Damaging Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her pancreas began to come loose and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing camouflage light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge porcelain Lego set floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hillside across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Tracy was feeling strangely brave. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in manners class. Her pancreas was still coming loose, but she got out of the Ferrari and crawled resignedly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a phantom and a pen. It had five sea green eyes in its Adam's apple. "Tacywadoo drymujypyp oteded, lozytyl jy tufloopu, poonukoop roocrut," the creature said.
"Dubious," Tracy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hit piece of driftwood welding torch foil electric paint mixer relax to marsh," the thing urged.
"Beshrew me. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pijeguni spider whytagipoot."
"Why don't you take your spider and shove it in your fingernail?" Tracy retorted.
The creature looked frightened. "Niloosoocu shecynukip ycecip, cuvoopoot," it chortled. "Cycryyyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a cycryyyb!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, grizzled creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or harpist. If she had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sparks will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and bawled. Then it rose up on its brittle legs, puffed out its skin and strolled lazily toward her.
For the first time, Tracy had the urge to run, but her femur was feeling numb and her legs refused to move.
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