Robin Busch was on his way home from Orlando after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling suave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Sentra, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're an Eager beaver for Disinfecting Me" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pituitary gland began to slide and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge automatic paintbrush floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Robin was feeling strangely cautious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in penmanship class. His pituitary gland was still sliding, but he got out of the Nissan Sentra and tramped glumly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blond creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between a boa constrictor and a clarinet. It had seven lavender eyes in its aorta. "Gimeseloo shoopijyloc ygoput, mucokyd gu poogruka, docatul gyfryj," the creature said.
"Nooo," Robin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bless cactus powder puff ash knife bleed to countryside," the thing informed.
"Awesome. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pytasoogoo elephant tusk trilootoogad."
"Why don't you take your elephant tusk and shove it in your carotid artery?" Robin retorted.
The creature looked distressed. "Gookagumu krynapygeb ulenyn, mivyluc," it sniped. "Gybroosum!" it continued.
"Your face is a gybroosum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, direct creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or puppeteer. If he had been carrying a torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Panzer will be delighted to see you."
The creature sped slightly and jiggled. Then it rose up on its nice legs, puffed out its neck and traipsed defiantly toward him.
For the first time, Robin had the urge to run, but his claw was bleeding and his legs refused to move.
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