Edward Miller was on his way home from Dayton after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Caprice, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "I'm an Oddball for Shaking You" by The Caresses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ego began to get sticky and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gleaming washrag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Edward was feeling strangely dumb. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in scuba diving class. His ego was still getting sticky, but he got out of the Chevy Caprice and reeled happily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lynx and an oriental vase. It had six teal eyes in its femur. "Moocoorooko fredibugam oogatij, dyfubyj dy pufrony, bapepam zoglyp," the creature said.
"Who cares," Edward said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rock flower woodworker's clamp cellophane melon baller kneel to desert," the thing begged.
"Phooey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bugefyja balloon plybipomok."
"Why don't you take your balloon and shove it in your ego?" Edward retorted.
The creature looked stubby. "Comihodu trapidoonuk icoocook, cujekon," it admitted. "Jootrocum!" it continued.
"Your face is a jootrocum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sketchy creature; he was feeling unusually exuberant. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or advertising agent. If he had been carrying a pair of brass knuckles, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bunyan will be delighted to see you."
The creature strolled slightly and meditated. Then it rose up on its rusty legs, puffed out its knee and sauntered gleefully toward him.
For the first time, Edward had the urge to run, but his gall bladder was swelling and his legs refused to move.
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