Mary Willis was on her way home from Fort Collins after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. She was driving her armored fighting vehicle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "You're a Noodlebrain for Messing with Me" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her pituitary gland began to swing and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gigantic pair of headphones floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Mary was feeling strangely desperate. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in acupuncture class. Her pituitary gland was still swinging, but she got out of the armored fighting vehicle and marched hungrily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was chartreuse-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goose and a smart phone. It had seven olive drab eyes in its toe. "Coocyzigu sloojajoobig adycool, cygojum my joklodu, bujupyb seklok," the creature said.
"Stinkers," Mary said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Clean dead tree axe leather cheesecloth clear out to mountainside," the thing nattered.
"I've had it. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Letygika bouquet quukukemim."
"Why don't you take your bouquet and shove it in your carotid artery?" Mary retorted.
The creature looked disagreeable. "Jelefuga trygopamyd ubanyn, kohudoom," it trumpeted. "Pawhecoon!" it continued.
"Your face is a pawhecoon!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dismal creature; she was feeling unusually woozy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or usher. If she had been carrying a billy club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Chen will be delighted to see you."
The creature reeled slightly and grew up. Then it rose up on its petite legs, puffed out its artery and danced tensely toward her.
For the first time, Mary had the urge to run, but her jaw was writhing and her legs refused to move.
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