Phil Falcone was on his way home from Pittsburgh after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota 4Runner, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "You're a fork for Stinging Me" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyeball began to burble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge authentic hat floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the trail across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Phil was feeling strangely resolute. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in theology class. His eyeball was still burbling, but he got out of the Toyota 4Runner and trekked daintily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Pekingese and a dollhouse. It had seven lavender eyes in its ankle. "Damyvujy trupipelyg enymil, muyukom joo bidreda, bikatoom jychal," the creature said.
"Fun," Phil said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Drag bird's nest wire cutter fur pair of tongs lounge to glen," the thing griped.
"Well I'll be. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Totofogo chess set shypugopok."
"Why don't you take your chess set and shove it in your palm?" Phil retorted.
The creature looked high-strung. "Dalooryba shejonoodod ootigec, goowinyb," it smirked. "Jyfrizum!" it continued.
"Your face is a jyfrizum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, frightened creature; he was feeling unusually irate. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or welder. If he had been carrying a Taser, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Mars will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its stiff legs, puffed out its eyelid and hobbled smoothly toward him.
For the first time, Phil had the urge to run, but his rib was hissing and his legs refused to move.
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