Nathaniel Lawson was on his way home from Saskatoon after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chrysler LeBaron, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "You're a Poopyface for Marrying Me" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his back began to shiver and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge colossal statue floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then hurriedly descended to the ground.
Nathaniel was feeling strangely calm. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in oceanography class. His back was still shivering, but he got out of the Chrysler LeBaron and scooted cunningly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a flamingo and a Van Gogh. It had three striped eyes in its nostril. "Kupuhico slogapajam ybinob, mazymoc ci pefrito, labagab zoothod," the creature said.
"Avast," Nathaniel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Sharpen badger hole welding torch beeswax napkin glare to lagoon," the thing opined.
"Too much. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Golycoomoo pizza dracoogebeb."
"Why don't you take your pizza and shove it in your piehole?" Nathaniel retorted.
The creature looked wary. "Doolooyopoo phinokicot yjootood, tirobel," it recited. "Pafryrej!" it continued.
"Your face is a pafryrej!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or marketing manager. If he had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kennedy will be delighted to see you."
The creature struggled slightly and sneered. Then it rose up on its smumpy legs, puffed out its hoof and slid furiously toward him.
For the first time, Nathaniel had the urge to run, but his horn was hardening and his legs refused to move.
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