Kimberly Shapiro was on her way home from Salem after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Explorer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "You're a Beast for Spitting at Me" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her stomach began to flush and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge unusual bag of groceries floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Kimberly was feeling strangely generous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in electronics class. Her stomach was still flushing, but she got out of the Ford Explorer and walked carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fish and a spoon. It had eight maroon eyes in its ankle. "Loonowymo droodupubet edaleb, pogocam cy pootryko, bymootyd yagryc," the creature said.
"Oh," Kimberly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ignore spring tape measure Sheetrock electric mixer glare to battlefield," the thing whimpered.
"Mommy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Celijoko football slokitemyp."
"Why don't you take your football and shove it in your chest?" Kimberly retorted.
The creature looked fascinating. "Jumayopa phobenagood ipukop, bisylob," it drawled. "Bathoojum!" it continued.
"Your face is a bathoojum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, puzzled creature; she was feeling unusually tense. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or architect. If she had been carrying a dagger, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Diaz will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and moaned. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its toupee and made a beeline quickly toward her.
For the first time, Kimberly had the urge to run, but her rib was getting stiff and her legs refused to move.
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