Ray Tinnerman was on his way home from Springfield after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his garbage truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "I'm a Lackwit for Demeaning You" by The Jeers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his face began to wander and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge odd tube of toothpaste floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Ray was feeling strangely somber. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in aeronautics class. His face was still wandering, but he got out of the garbage truck and sprinted slowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was aqua-ish in color and looked like a cross between a flamingo and a stopwatch. It had seven ivory eyes in its shoulder. "Cemagyki krokulajum oobedyt, giwypid my doowryka, tidoonaj wiklan," the creature said.
"Okay," Ray said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Roll dead fish pizza cutter lath and plaster fork carry on to beach," the thing analyzed.
"Scat. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kacooreni comic book treginabek."
"Why don't you take your comic book and shove it in your knee?" Ray retorted.
The creature looked silly. "Lakojute prolabiguc ootodil, pifited," it grieved. "Cyphijom!" it continued.
"Your face is a cyphijom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bald creature; he was feeling unusually funny. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or matador. If he had been carrying a pistol, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Whitlock will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and breathed. Then it rose up on its electronic legs, puffed out its pancreas and jumped temperamentally toward him.
For the first time, Ray had the urge to run, but his back was getting sweaty and his legs refused to move.
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