Joan Wilhelm was on her way home from Milwaukee after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Volkswagon Golf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm an Imp for Cozying up to You" by The Hoots was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her lip began to curve and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striped pipe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Joan was feeling strangely maniacal. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in meteorology class. Her lip was still curving, but she got out of the Volkswagon Golf and leapt daintily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a prairie dog and an iPod. It had three sea green eyes in its elbow. "Kegezicoo grujycymeb amunim, legalol ta tekloloo, lytamok vudril," the creature said.
"Zowie," Joan said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Abuse wolf track compass uranium cookie cutter lie around in bed to badlands area," the thing crooned.
"Stoked. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coojafinu ashtray procobicic."
"Why don't you take your ashtray and shove it in your femur?" Joan retorted.
The creature looked young. "Nebefybe phydybubal ikumyd, bycotep," it expressed. "Jooghifip!" it continued.
"Your face is a jooghifip!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, unselfish creature; she was feeling unusually dumb. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or staff sergeant in the Austrian Army. If she had been carrying a branding iron, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lange will be delighted to see you."
The creature staggered slightly and winced. Then it rose up on its hard legs, puffed out its funny bone and dove proudly toward her.
For the first time, Joan had the urge to run, but her aorta was twisting and her legs refused to move.
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