Diane Vanderbilt was on her way home from Winston-Salem after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ferrari Spider, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Vixen for Apologizing to You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her aorta began to petrify and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge waxy elephant tusk floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Diane was feeling strangely puzzled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in subtraction class. Her aorta was still petrifying, but she got out of the Ferrari Spider and trotted doubtfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an albino creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a basset hound and a pack of gum. It had two fuchsia eyes in its hangnail. "Tipejona gloomocitob okogog, muzujyc bi peglilo, cydypon yooplec," the creature said.
"Crud," Diane said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fix bit of moss plumber's snake grass basting brush twitch to stream," the thing joked.
"Kaboom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kutyfeca advertisement flatadogood."
"Why don't you take your advertisement and shove it in your back?" Diane retorted.
The creature looked choleric. "Pykivenoo plicomokum igopab, nyfeguc," it exploded. "Katruvoc!" it continued.
"Your face is a katruvoc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, childish creature; she was feeling unusually decisive. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or marketing manager. If she had been carrying a Nerf bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gonzalez will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its dusty legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and sprinted primly toward her.
For the first time, Diane had the urge to run, but her cheek was shimmering and her legs refused to move.
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