Nicki Morgan was on her way home from Lima after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. She was driving her U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're a Demon for Poisoning Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her buttocks began to creak and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome girdle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Nicki was feeling strangely pensive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hotel management class. Her buttocks was still creaking, but she got out of the U-Haul and bounced violently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bunny and a mousetrap. It had three carrot-orange eyes in its neck. "Cicuweje plidotucob ootygug, mihekuk je jobroopu, lunujel wopryd," the creature said.
"Ooh," Nicki said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bless leaf trowel cotton knife get dizzy to savanna," the thing shuddered.
"Gosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ciduwina stapler brokukomoon."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your spine?" Nicki retorted.
The creature looked disgusting. "Gigoowebo klimopadam udibuc, kegaguc," it screeched. "Byflofyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a byflofyt!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, jaunty creature; she was feeling unusually exuberant. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or telephone repairman. If she had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Seagram will be delighted to see you."
The creature slumped slightly and knelt. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its aorta and inched breathlessly toward her.
For the first time, Nicki had the urge to run, but her brain was rumbling and her legs refused to move.
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