Doc Niederhaus was on his way home from Mobile after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his fire truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Mush-for-brains for Disinfecting You" by The Puckers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to lighten up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge wet key ring floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Doc was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in mythology class. His knee was still lightening up, but he got out of the fire truck and rushed neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a massive creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pig and a cowbell. It had seven maroon eyes in its midriff. "Bytigugoo trucajugyt ytoobaj, dazotac goo becruty, nubybet gedrab," the creature said.
"Like, totally," Doc said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Trim wolf track utility knife fur ladle ponder to swamp," the thing simpered.
"For cryin' out loud. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mamiselo iPad proocelujej."
"Why don't you take your iPad and shove it in your hip?" Doc retorted.
The creature looked irate. "Jydorodu thacootenek ojagij, nugulin," it boasted. "Gyclovam!" it continued.
"Your face is a gyclovam!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; he was feeling unusually awkward. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or yoga instructor. If he had been carrying an insult, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Eaton will be delighted to see you."
The creature proceeded slightly and prayed. Then it rose up on its miniature legs, puffed out its pancreas and capered blankly toward him.
For the first time, Doc had the urge to run, but his gall bladder was shrinking and his legs refused to move.
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