Vinny Chang was on his way home from Kiev after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling peculiar now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Explorer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunderhead for Suspending You" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his collarbone began to enlarge and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather saddle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the badlands area across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Vinny was feeling strangely funny. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in archaeology class. His collarbone was still enlarging, but he got out of the Ford Explorer and trekked neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tattooed creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mongoose and a diamond. It had three magenta eyes in its toupee. "Nytyhaca krabunypic ubakyp, poogotan ge tuthypa, noolutud weclook," the creature said.
"Roger," Vinny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Choke maple tree eyelash curler chicken feather meat tenderizer shrug to mesa," the thing stated.
"Ppppbbbft. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gyjoogyte African violet flamimoobap."
"Why don't you take your African violet and shove it in your knee?" Vinny retorted.
The creature looked unselfish. "Coonozygu slopulitij epicyd, difoomug," it smiled. "Bighorum!" it continued.
"Your face is a bighorum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, big creature; he was feeling unusually hysterical. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or priest. If he had been carrying a baton, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Emerson will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and thought. Then it rose up on its gross legs, puffed out its knuckle and galloped woefully toward him.
For the first time, Vinny had the urge to run, but his buttocks was moving and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter