Andrew Washington was on his way home from Glasgow after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his tractor, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "You're a Bugbrain for Encouraging Me" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nostril began to contract and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn telephone book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Andrew was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in human development class. His nostril was still contracting, but he got out of the tractor and skittered blankly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was chartreuse-ish in color and looked like a cross between a ring-tailed lemur and a bird cage. It had three pea green eyes in its funny bone. "Putugaly fligoogijod oodoogat, nijedoom jy cebrego, kujoomot vaclab," the creature said.
"Blimey," Andrew said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Photograph tree stump nail clipper onyx dish cloth catch up to hillside," the thing yammered.
"Oh please. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pyjayyga bowl chyjegokec."
"Why don't you take your bowl and shove it in your rib?" Andrew retorted.
The creature looked fascinating. "Dacoyudoo floolybikum omyjej, lasanic," it spat. "Kughogop!" it continued.
"Your face is a kughogop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ladylike creature; he was feeling unusually awkward. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or entomologist. If he had been carrying a street sweeper, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hughes will be delighted to see you."
The creature capered slightly and screeched. Then it rose up on its papery legs, puffed out its tooth and scurried anxiously toward him.
For the first time, Andrew had the urge to run, but his back was festering and his legs refused to move.
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