Elmer Bonner was on his way home from Greeley after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling suave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Smart Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Vile viper for Stunning You" by The Pouts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tongue began to turn grey and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome paper towel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Elmer was feeling strangely self-assured. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in dressage class. His tongue was still turning grey, but he got out of the Smart Car and padded automatically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a petite creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a newt and a cream puff. It had eight maroon eyes in its arm. "Benejicu drypycotut ygekot, nevykak boo tafrooly, lookejup vaglob," the creature said.
"Of course," Elmer said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Jump on stone piece of sandpaper foil wooden spoon show up to mountain," the thing wept.
"Bullpuckey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Noogufooke dish sloodupinap."
"Why don't you take your dish and shove it in your back?" Elmer retorted.
The creature looked coy. "Demuwedi ghaninecooj iloomoog, mugunod," it shouted. "Diwroosooj!" it continued.
"Your face is a diwroosooj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cunning creature; he was feeling unusually petulant. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or lobbyist. If he had been carrying an atomic weapon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Silva will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and rocked. Then it rose up on its small legs, puffed out its cheek and bolted lightly toward him.
For the first time, Elmer had the urge to run, but his pancreas was floating and his legs refused to move.
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