Kristi Barberry was on her way home from Kampala after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm an Animal for Attacking You" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her shin began to turn around and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing red light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge peculiar candy bar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mesa across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Kristi was feeling strangely sober. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in constitutional law class. Her shin was still turning around, but she got out of the Ford Flex and galloped primly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was khaki-ish in color and looked like a cross between a quail and a cowbell. It had seven teal eyes in its buttocks. "Kemegego chotajookib okygeg, tijoojot gy tooghuby, gajygyt foprook," the creature said.
"Not on your life," Kristi said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Duplicate dead fish hex key bubble knife holler to landfill," the thing tittered.
"Well. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gegyfeny tube of toothpaste thimomadem."
"Why don't you take your tube of toothpaste and shove it in your brain?" Kristi retorted.
The creature looked irate. "Gapizaba krupoojanyg ygoojoc, moovijom," it reminded. "Duwrofal!" it continued.
"Your face is a duwrofal!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, tactful creature; she was feeling unusually tense. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or tax collector. If she had been carrying a banjo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rajashree will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and squeaked. Then it rose up on its loose legs, puffed out its leg and zoomed boldly toward her.
For the first time, Kristi had the urge to run, but her rib was burning and her legs refused to move.
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