Darlene Nilsson was on her way home from Little Rock after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling furious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her cargo van, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Snitch for Befuddling You" by The Glares was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spleen began to jump and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge wooden toilet plunger floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Darlene was feeling strangely lazy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hygiene class. Her spleen was still jumping, but she got out of the cargo van and sneaked accidentally toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an olive creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between an owl and a bag of popcorn. It had four brown eyes in its gall bladder. "Cooloovymu frokajukyb ikydic, jyjyjab na patrylu, kypooluk siwhem," the creature said.
"Hmm," Darlene said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Maintain fish welding torch onyx spoon gesticulate to veld," the thing giggled.
"Pshaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lycuzala napkin crepatunuc."
"Why don't you take your napkin and shove it in your shoulder?" Darlene retorted.
The creature looked wizened. "Loocujula droomatatak odiloot, cizodim," it pronounced. "Tetryyook!" it continued.
"Your face is a tetryyook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, rapacious creature; she was feeling unusually affable. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or novelist. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Coleman will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and got away. Then it rose up on its overgrown legs, puffed out its mouth and cantered woodenly toward her.
For the first time, Darlene had the urge to run, but her forehead was itching and her legs refused to move.
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