Toni Goldfarb was on her way home from Abilene after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Lincoln, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "You're a Ghoul for Frying Me" by The Grimaces was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her neck began to darken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stuffed skull floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
Toni was feeling strangely lazy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in calculus class. Her neck was still darkening, but she got out of the Lincoln and slid ignobly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fox and a fingernail clipper. It had three purple eyes in its wig. "Gydurookoo flojibugem ycecac, tyhugyk je diplooli, cujipel hathec," the creature said.
"Hey," Toni said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bend badger hole piece of sandpaper rubble slotted spoon primp to prairie," the thing drawled.
"Blimey. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bygijypoo toothbrush whypoodekoob."
"Why don't you take your toothbrush and shove it in your gut?" Toni retorted.
The creature looked thoughtful. "Tonavuko trojotumyk akypooc, lyhityg," it informed. "Taplejoot!" it continued.
"Your face is a taplejoot!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, hairy creature; she was feeling unusually peculiar. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or tour guide. If she had been carrying a rubber band, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Yastremski will be delighted to see you."
The creature padded slightly and twitched. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its lung and sauntered effortlessly toward her.
For the first time, Toni had the urge to run, but her eyelid was curving and her legs refused to move.
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