Theresa Beluchi was on her way home from Bologna after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling crafty now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ox cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "You're an Old buzzard for Frightening Me" by The Face palms was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her artery began to look funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge slimy paperclip floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the meadow across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Theresa was feeling strangely tired. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in information science class. Her artery was still looking funny, but she got out of the ox cart and tore carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolf and a spoon. It had five magenta eyes in its piehole. "Jicyfady frupoolugij ooboojel, pecoomel mi debryne, canimon facret," the creature said.
"Holy smokes," Theresa said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Dispose of bit of moss nail clipper pipe Sham-Wow! wince to wasteland," the thing crooned.
"Doubtful. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bajogagi diamond whupenideb."
"Why don't you take your diamond and shove it in your shoulder?" Theresa retorted.
The creature looked coy. "Gigyfepu troopacijop ojupub, casookom," it clarified. "Desloorug!" it continued.
"Your face is a desloorug!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, obnoxious creature; she was feeling unusually lazy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or third grade teacher. If she had been carrying a sickle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wyse will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and got angry. Then it rose up on its old legs, puffed out its tummy and bounced stupidly toward her.
For the first time, Theresa had the urge to run, but her hairdo was jamming up and her legs refused to move.
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