Xaviera Lowry was on her way home from Riverside after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. She was driving her chariot, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "You're a Witch for Believing in Me" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her bicep began to ooze and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge unusual corncob floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the stream across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Xaviera was feeling strangely nervous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in deportment class. Her bicep was still oozing, but she got out of the chariot and barrelled glibly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a shapely creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a puppy and a tissue. It had three striped eyes in its chest. "Damuwady slypolipym ojapyk, dowymeg ge lyquoby, bujutook saclak," the creature said.
"The joke's on me," Xaviera said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Harden feather vacuum cleaner plastic corkscrew flinch to hayfield," the thing mouthed.
"Marvelous. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nagahooloo fountain pen glulekucil."
"Why don't you take your fountain pen and shove it in your gut?" Xaviera retorted.
The creature looked distressed. "Makoseny brubogapun ubenab, myzybum," it declared. "Lowricac!" it continued.
"Your face is a lowricac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, articulate creature; she was feeling unusually relaxed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or executioner. If she had been carrying a lifesaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Badwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature hobbled slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its hard legs, puffed out its piehole and slumped hysterically toward her.
For the first time, Xaviera had the urge to run, but her thigh was getting tangled and her legs refused to move.
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