Jeanne Bilgewater was on her way home from Dallas after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Taurus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm a Screwball for Baffling You" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her knuckle began to kink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hard orange floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Jeanne was feeling strangely forgetful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in physiology class. Her knuckle was still kinking, but she got out of the Ford Taurus and reeled strangely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tattooed creature emerged. It was periwinkle-ish in color and looked like a cross between a zebra and a pizza. It had two striped eyes in its gall bladder. "Punoogyby glogujoojoon abytem, jysanak ty nuclijy, demoojyp wuglaj," the creature said.
"The joke's on me," Jeanne said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Yank raspberry bush hacksaw copper garlic press daydream to cave," the thing exploded.
"Bam. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gygevila potato frijutudok."
"Why don't you take your potato and shove it in your tail?" Jeanne retorted.
The creature looked boring. "Tenywemu franakamap epoonyn, jihygeb," it lamented. "Gykrahut!" it continued.
"Your face is a gykrahut!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, selfish creature; she was feeling unusually calm. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or yoga instructor. If she had been carrying a six-shooter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Green will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and prayed. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its wig and straggled hopelessly toward her.
For the first time, Jeanne had the urge to run, but her head was dangling and her legs refused to move.
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