Alicia Major was on her way home from Fontana after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. She was driving her little red wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Cootieface for Judging You" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her foot began to wither and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge grubby accordion floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Alicia was feeling strangely puzzled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in theology class. Her foot was still withering, but she got out of the little red wagon and darted sympathetically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was indigo-ish in color and looked like a cross between a toad and a magnet. It had four navy blue eyes in its ear. "Baguvele chojedicoop epedood, bozeken ti joclogi, babokag cislej," the creature said.
"Bless you," Alicia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swipe bear track pair of tweezers ice ice pick stretch to landfill," the thing pronounced.
"Bleep. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lobiyubi baseball crygicomot."
"Why don't you take your baseball and shove it in your arm?" Alicia retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Mamugoomu glinijecup igonup, tegoogup," it shrieked. "Joocreyem!" it continued.
"Your face is a joocreyem!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, enraged creature; she was feeling unusually humble. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or prosecutor. If she had been carrying a Geiger counter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schaffer will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and squealed. Then it rose up on its funny legs, puffed out its hip and walked dolorously toward her.
For the first time, Alicia had the urge to run, but her throat was gnarling and her legs refused to move.
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