Fritz Major was on his way home from Alexandria after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Weenie for Glaring at You" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his earlobe began to undulate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cotton paper bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Fritz was feeling strangely awkward. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Egyptology class. His earlobe was still undulating, but he got out of the Chevy Impala and set out nimbly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goldfish and a pencil. It had eight burgundy eyes in its forehead. "Topuwagy brakamumej amutik, curecooj be byfrema, gajomyg hyfrej," the creature said.
"Great Jehosaphat," Fritz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grind wolf track feather duster stainless steel blender think to dumpster," the thing observed.
"Jeepers creepers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coobyvooke Rubik's cube plekagicog."
"Why don't you take your Rubik's cube and shove it in your tail?" Fritz retorted.
The creature looked suave. "Lajygopy drooketodap onyjal, majookob," it offered. "Mukloorab!" it continued.
"Your face is a mukloorab!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, excitable creature; he was feeling unusually thoughtful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or soldier. If he had been carrying a lasso, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Winters will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and got rigid. Then it rose up on its old legs, puffed out its foot and walked despondently toward him.
For the first time, Fritz had the urge to run, but his earlobe was warping and his legs refused to move.
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