Lucifer Dodd was on his way home from Buffalo after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling relaxed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Volt, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "You're a Sloth for Kicking Me" by The Flutters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his rib began to shine and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge original bedpan floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Lucifer was feeling strangely pensive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in public relations class. His rib was still shining, but he got out of the Chevy Volt and went fearfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an alert creature emerged. It was khaki-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lynx and a thumb drive. It had two green eyes in its eyebrow. "Gipagutoo cropynooguc oodutyc, mazoomood ta ciflootu, tymoojoop zochooj," the creature said.
"Aha," Lucifer said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Praise spider web broadaxe masonry ice pick adjust the clock to trail," the thing gasped.
"Ow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lapucapoo hair brush chinalidyt."
"Why don't you take your hair brush and shove it in your shoulder?" Lucifer retorted.
The creature looked menacing. "Kymyvepy whoopopebad oogoogoop, guridik," it babbled. "Jatrarom!" it continued.
"Your face is a jatrarom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, clever creature; he was feeling unusually thoughtful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mechanic. If he had been carrying a parlor trick, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Murray will be delighted to see you."
The creature stormed slightly and blushed. Then it rose up on its primitive legs, puffed out its toenail and sashayed fiercely toward him.
For the first time, Lucifer had the urge to run, but his little finger was feeling numb and his legs refused to move.
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