Parson Major was on his way home from Addis Ababa after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mercury Cougar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're a Hipster for Outwitting Me" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nostril began to gleam and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge big book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Parson was feeling strangely cautious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His nostril was still gleaming, but he got out of the Mercury Cougar and dashed violently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a little creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a turkey and a fingernail clipper. It had eight chocolate brown eyes in its shin. "Dujahydy wrotulojook ootutil, dohugub jy dyphybe, dimenin voochol," the creature said.
"Man alive," Parson said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Finish bear track wire cutter precious gem Sham-Wow! pass out to ridge," the thing divulged.
"Rooster feathers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nojyfigu key whoopopagem."
"Why don't you take your key and shove it in your little finger?" Parson retorted.
The creature looked carefree. "Nimyfokoo pluponityl okoobook, lihonoop," it bellowed. "Pothoofyd!" it continued.
"Your face is a pothoofyd!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, funny creature; he was feeling unusually funny. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or phlebotomist. If he had been carrying an air freshener, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Childress will be delighted to see you."
The creature ran slightly and winced. Then it rose up on its odd legs, puffed out its fingernail and crawled pitifully toward him.
For the first time, Parson had the urge to run, but his aorta was shaking and his legs refused to move.
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