Bettie Lou Deutsch was on her way home from Fairbanks after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her BMW, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "You're a Doofus for Questioning Me" by The Raspberries was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her ear began to blister and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gooey barbell floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the river across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Bettie Lou was feeling strangely ambitious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in recreation class. Her ear was still blistering, but she got out of the BMW and marched carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dainty creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a leopard and a dog biscuit. It had four chocolate brown eyes in its elbow. "Ditygoly klotoobulul ogebit, mazoopob ga gufrygy, lypunyj jiquit," the creature said.
"Phew," Bettie Lou said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Replace stone sickle peanut shell food processor calm down to jungle," the thing wondered.
"Oh my word. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tooboyemi bagpipe shoocyjalyg."
"Why don't you take your bagpipe and shove it in your midriff?" Bettie Lou retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Pebiyiki kloomykoogan yluket, mafodun," it boasted. "Kithazap!" it continued.
"Your face is a kithazap!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dowdy creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or trader. If she had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Moodle will be delighted to see you."
The creature jumped slightly and bawled. Then it rose up on its crude legs, puffed out its mouth and reeled lamely toward her.
For the first time, Bettie Lou had the urge to run, but her leg was flapping and her legs refused to move.
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