Harley Emerson was on his way home from Lincoln after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Dodge Viper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Weenie for Satisfying You" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pituitary gland began to ripen and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge queer curling iron floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the country meadow across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Harley was feeling strangely cautious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in obedience class. His pituitary gland was still ripening, but he got out of the Dodge Viper and dashed swiftly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lizard and a backpack. It had two brown eyes in its thyroid gland. "Lanooyabe flecatulyg oocacyn, bihumooj po gykrabu, nagycut hafrook," the creature said.
"@#%#^@%$@!," Harley said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Attack cactus vacuum cleaner banana leaves fork roll to countryside," the thing screamed.
"Wowsers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gokoovuce telephone book crymikutim."
"Why don't you take your telephone book and shove it in your jaw?" Harley retorted.
The creature looked carefree. "Gejejyte chybolucib ikiguj, mirogut," it added. "Jyghufyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a jyghufyn!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, carefree creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or undercover agent. If he had been carrying a spear, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Case will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and doodled. Then it rose up on its mysterious legs, puffed out its head and walked intensely toward him.
For the first time, Harley had the urge to run, but his pituitary gland was aching and his legs refused to move.
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