Stuart Roman was on his way home from Raleigh after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his mail truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "You're a Moron for Writing Me" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heart began to blister and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gaudy can of beans floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Stuart was feeling strangely dapper. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in math class. His heart was still blistering, but he got out of the mail truck and skidded carelessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was terra cotta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a whale and an abacus. It had four aqua eyes in its eye. "Pygovooko frypolootat akedool, gavumot li kecholo, gobubyg foowhat," the creature said.
"Rooster feathers," Stuart said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Measure raspberry bush plane buffalo hide napkin knit to creek," the thing squealed.
"Dag nabbit. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tybojeboo pair of knitting needles phekiminon."
"Why don't you take your pair of knitting needles and shove it in your spinal cord?" Stuart retorted.
The creature looked dumb. "Kemawupoo glajymookik olookoot, guzeboot," it squeaked. "Noograwaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a noograwaj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, brave creature; he was feeling unusually decisive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or parole officer. If he had been carrying a camera, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Crawford will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and daydreamed. Then it rose up on its fabulous legs, puffed out its neck and pranced surreptitiously toward him.
For the first time, Stuart had the urge to run, but his horn was itching and his legs refused to move.
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