Kenny Popper was on his way home from Santiago after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mustang Convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "You're a Dipstick for Opposing Me" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his claw began to decay and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent dollar bill floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pond across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Kenny was feeling strangely queer. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in subtraction class. His claw was still decaying, but he got out of the Mustang Convertible and jogged urgently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a white creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a partridge and a spinning wheel. It had three white eyes in its Adam's apple. "Pyboyedy choocebinit ujidoon, beyalood jo kuklobu, kikagol foghop," the creature said.
"So sure," Kenny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ridicule piece of driftwood mallet cornhusk grater shrivel to valley," the thing raved.
"Wild. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pocooyeti pair of scissors thupinonid."
"Why don't you take your pair of scissors and shove it in your front tooth?" Kenny retorted.
The creature looked funny. "Panezoma whykacotaj ujupol, bihumad," it roared. "Gafliwim!" it continued.
"Your face is a gafliwim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, suave creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mediator. If he had been carrying a boomerang, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Palin will be delighted to see you."
The creature jogged slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its new legs, puffed out its buttocks and lurched majestically toward him.
For the first time, Kenny had the urge to run, but his gall bladder was kinking and his legs refused to move.
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