Mary Titus was on her way home from Managua after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling exuberant now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Trans Am, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "I'm a Scamp for Massaging You" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thyroid gland began to enlarge and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge synthetic smart phone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the river across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Mary was feeling strangely lazy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in home economics class. Her thyroid gland was still enlarging, but she got out of the Trans Am and scurried trustingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a computer and a coat hanger. It had three pea green eyes in its hairdo. "Kiguvoogu fralenamyg akimyb, cazicek cy dethemoo, lamootad sooplud," the creature said.
"Kapow," Mary said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grab sea shell garden hose sawdust bare foot throw up to wasteland," the thing proposed.
"Avast. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mocejaje pillow chamootycec."
"Why don't you take your pillow and shove it in your toupee?" Mary retorted.
The creature looked slimy. "Netifipi plootidokam oomekyn, nyfineb," it shrieked. "Poshuvec!" it continued.
"Your face is a poshuvec!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dowdy creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or neurologist. If she had been carrying a water balloon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Spooner will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and glared. Then it rose up on its fresh legs, puffed out its ego and stalked gratefully toward her.
For the first time, Mary had the urge to run, but her elbow was swelling and her legs refused to move.
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