Conner Gill was on his way home from Naperville after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling excitable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Cadillac, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "You're a Traitor for Grabbing Me" by The Face palms was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his artery began to lighten up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge luxurious compass floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mesa across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Conner was feeling strangely peckish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in poetry class. His artery was still lightening up, but he got out of the Cadillac and ran urgently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a prairie dog and a pain pill. It had seven jade eyes in its eye. "Mapesede brimamymud obicud, dagatyl na loowriku, mitokyg heplun," the creature said.
"Hmmm," Conner said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pack rock tape measure toothpick ice pick watch to stream," the thing interpreted.
"Really. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tybiwuka pom-pom krapetootoob."
"Why don't you take your pom-pom and shove it in your big toe?" Conner retorted.
The creature looked prissy. "Pecezojy glimoomoobat ybykon, dyroonud," it bragged. "Gaghoojib!" it continued.
"Your face is a gaghoojib!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, arrogant creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or road worker. If he had been carrying a wooden stake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Diamond will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its hard legs, puffed out its shin and careened vacantly toward him.
For the first time, Conner had the urge to run, but his jaw was dropping off and his legs refused to move.
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