Lucy Werner was on her way home from Warren after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Smart Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Louse for Slapping You" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her horn began to crawl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bronze cigar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Lucy was feeling strangely fearful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Latin class. Her horn was still crawling, but she got out of the Smart Car and bounced bravely toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a duck-billed platypus and a pinwheel. It had seven forest green eyes in its calf. "Cityyyga shilynomyt ybygok, cucecug da cashigy, cikoloop cesheb," the creature said.
"Hey," Lucy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Score cactus punch stainless steel meat tenderizer chortle to garden," the thing taunted.
"You don't say. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ducavunoo boomerang droojegoonib."
"Why don't you take your boomerang and shove it in your waist?" Lucy retorted.
The creature looked apoplectic. "Gejafumoo tranejoomoom aboonyp, pofumap," it hummed. "Diwrecul!" it continued.
"Your face is a diwrecul!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, prissy creature; she was feeling unusually cheerful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gravedigger. If she had been carrying a water balloon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Castaneda will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and passed out. Then it rose up on its amazing legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and rushed cautiously toward her.
For the first time, Lucy had the urge to run, but her knuckle was stiffening and her legs refused to move.
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