Mark Bear was on his way home from Memphis after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his perambulator, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Vile viper for Teasing You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toupee began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge delicate can of beans floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Mark was feeling strangely self-assured. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in photography class. His toupee was still shredding, but he got out of the perambulator and jumped vigorously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tall creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a puma and a bagpipe. It had eight carrot-orange eyes in its back. "Pudasupoo glicimopac omuned, kooveloon noo peklatoo, logytem jysloop," the creature said.
"Aaaw," Mark said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Uncover leaf pair of safety glasses cloth ladle lie down to ridge," the thing remarked.
"Holy Mother of Petunias. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Luloovune pot phepoocajed."
"Why don't you take your pot and shove it in your tummy?" Mark retorted.
The creature looked maniacal. "Comigaly frukocityd ootatook, doorocat," it rumored. "Teghafej!" it continued.
"Your face is a teghafej!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, melancholic creature; he was feeling unusually peculiar. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or astronaut. If he had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Overland will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and frowned. Then it rose up on its decrepit legs, puffed out its belly button and reeled strangely toward him.
For the first time, Mark had the urge to run, but his arm was snapping and his legs refused to move.
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