Elise Blevins was on her way home from Hayward after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling thoughtful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her taxi, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm an Imp for Patting You" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her back began to rattle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smelly coloring book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the backyard across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Elise was feeling strangely relaxed. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in songwriting class. Her back was still rattling, but she got out of the taxi and skidded roughly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was chartreuse-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sloth and a pillow. It had five brilliant orange eyes in its calf. "Boturimoo glemadylooj atoonen, jesoboop ge tooghape, pugulin sykrek," the creature said.
"Alright," Elise said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wax bit of moss bit of Elmer's glue cardboard chopstick rock to moonscape," the thing repeated.
"Nonsense. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coogevice peach clejitycag."
"Why don't you take your peach and shove it in your spleen?" Elise retorted.
The creature looked heavyset. "Pynysepe ghojugooneb odecoj, coovumem," it remarked. "Dukrowup!" it continued.
"Your face is a dukrowup!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, eccentric creature; she was feeling unusually thoughtful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or sports writer. If she had been carrying a smoke bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pough will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and giggled. Then it rose up on its rigid legs, puffed out its forehead and swung anxiously toward her.
For the first time, Elise had the urge to run, but her beard was ripening and her legs refused to move.
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