Howard Crabtree was on his way home from Columbus after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. He was driving his black sedan, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a chameleon for Praising You" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his earlobe began to jiggle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hand-painted chair floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the range across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Howard was feeling strangely cunning. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in alchemy class. His earlobe was still jiggling, but he got out of the black sedan and skidded confidently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gorgeous creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buffalo and a bird cage. It had eight emerald green eyes in its collarbone. "Gookohube flalejootoot adygol, guhatom jo liwrepu, cipudyk rufroop," the creature said.
"Dadgum," Howard said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grasp apple tree fire extinguisher copper cookie cutter moan to river," the thing yammered.
"Hallelujah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cujuyoga curling iron pridoopoluj."
"Why don't you take your curling iron and shove it in your appendix?" Howard retorted.
The creature looked blubbery. "Joodyfana frunejonyd upoogup, busudop," it breathed. "Booshuyug!" it continued.
"Your face is a booshuyug!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, depraved creature; he was feeling unusually peckish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cartographer. If he had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President West will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and leered. Then it rose up on its smooth legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and careened noisily toward him.
For the first time, Howard had the urge to run, but his hair was coming loose and his legs refused to move.
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