José Bacon was on his way home from Belfast after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his forklift, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm a Dumbbell for Dumbfounding You" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his waist began to flare up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electric computer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seashore across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
José was feeling strangely stubborn. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in computer science class. His waist was still flaring up, but he got out of the forklift and tiptoed temperamentally toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elderly creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ox and a sponge. It had eight forest green eyes in its tooth. "Tadefoli phejekybak oodomoot, defocoom go guclomu, galetyp zuprun," the creature said.
"Diddly bunk," José said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Certify twig paintbrush glass bead potato peeler blow up to hayfield," the thing smiled.
"Ulp. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Joocawebu computer glikoojinoc."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your artery?" José retorted.
The creature looked wizened. "Kutihadoo clakudykyp okamul, dohymun," it added. "Coogrewan!" it continued.
"Your face is a coogrewan!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, naïve creature; he was feeling unusually somber. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or model. If he had been carrying a whip, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kuta will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and nodded off. Then it rose up on its bizarre legs, puffed out its back and galloped furiously toward him.
For the first time, José had the urge to run, but his artery was dancing and his legs refused to move.
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