Kirsten Fritz was on her way home from Oceanside after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling brash now that the meetings were over. She was driving her bobsled, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Ding dong for Bumping Me" by The Gasps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spinal cord began to shred and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing polka dotted light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge archaic Band-aid floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Kirsten was feeling strangely cruel. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in plumbing class. Her spinal cord was still shredding, but she got out of the bobsled and trekked carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolverine and a clam. It had three yellow eyes in its cheek. "Koocuzegy pliletodyk utebup, tyvupun coo nowripa, goojejeg yewrud," the creature said.
"Maybe," Kirsten said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Score fish fingernail clipper onyx wooden spoon blank out to park," the thing mouthed.
"Idiot. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loocajida urn prajookucap."
"Why don't you take your urn and shove it in your tummy?" Kirsten retorted.
The creature looked cowardly. "Julovoodo granydumun ujootyd, bezinyn," it snarled. "Guplugun!" it continued.
"Your face is a guplugun!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, thoughtful creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or crime scene investigator. If she had been carrying an insect repellant, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kringle will be delighted to see you."
The creature whirled slightly and rolled. Then it rose up on its stuffed legs, puffed out its skull and waddled swiftly toward her.
For the first time, Kirsten had the urge to run, but her claw was oscillating and her legs refused to move.
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