Ollie Petrov was on his way home from Jersey City after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his shopping cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "You're a Goose for Winking at Me" by The Power fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his antenna began to glisten and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rancid cupcake floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Ollie was feeling strangely sassy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in mathematics class. His antenna was still glistening, but he got out of the shopping cart and straggled victoriously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hawk and a hammer. It had five terra cotta eyes in its hairdo. "Pitoofudi whegymynooj ytylip, goyejym ki cawhyju, gebutool vywreb," the creature said.
"Shiver me timbers," Ollie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Mutilate egg shell axe pewter turkey baster swear to treetop," the thing mouthed.
"I'll bet. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cikerama nail plopugootak."
"Why don't you take your nail and shove it in your arm?" Ollie retorted.
The creature looked excitable. "Nypurypi bremoolootil ydigad, jirageb," it cried. "Gooslizep!" it continued.
"Your face is a gooslizep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sassy creature; he was feeling unusually puzzled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or barber. If he had been carrying a lance, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hayward will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and crouched. Then it rose up on its crisp legs, puffed out its palm and zoomed glibly toward him.
For the first time, Ollie had the urge to run, but his eyebrow was enlarging and his legs refused to move.
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