Conrad Skye was on his way home from Carlsbad after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his golf cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "You're a Madman for Glaring at Me" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ankle began to enlarge and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ridiculous shoe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Conrad was feeling strangely daring. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in musicianship class. His ankle was still enlarging, but he got out of the golf cart and capered needlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a curvy creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cockatiel and a bat. It had five khaki eyes in its waist. "Kooluwoopi quadujoocut ycobab, megoonoog ne diwremu, petujoot hefrup," the creature said.
"Pow," Conrad said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Protect piece of driftwood broadaxe foam meat thermometer wail to treetop," the thing crooned.
"Kaboom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gutuguki stuffed owl shedylydoog."
"Why don't you take your stuffed owl and shove it in your belly?" Conrad retorted.
The creature looked gallant. "Goomahuli whokipibig amubuj, lizytuk," it snorted. "Cusluvut!" it continued.
"Your face is a cusluvut!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, amiable creature; he was feeling unusually awkward. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or telemarketer. If he had been carrying a spear, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kringle will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its new legs, puffed out its big toe and dashed cheerfully toward him.
For the first time, Conrad had the urge to run, but his beard was closing down and his legs refused to move.
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