Pablo Bates was on his way home from Myrtle Beach after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "You're a Dumbbell for Investigating Me" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his thumb began to move and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge queer paper bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Pablo was feeling strangely carefree. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in theology class. His thumb was still moving, but he got out of the U-Haul and swung courageously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dark creature emerged. It was olive green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mustang and a Bunsen burner. It had three blue eyes in its knee. "Jenugilu crykikepaj ecigud, juyabym na liwragoo, coogymoc zatrood," the creature said.
"Poppycock," Pablo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Interpret leaf jack sod potato peeler adjust to cesspool," the thing argued.
"Boohoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nomoocege hair dryer bredypynoj."
"Why don't you take your hair dryer and shove it in your aorta?" Pablo retorted.
The creature looked prissy. "Ciguwadu grodydopyb elyjab, najoonog," it questioned. "Jechoguc!" it continued.
"Your face is a jechoguc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, powerful creature; he was feeling unusually generous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or tutor. If he had been carrying a six-shooter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fretwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature proceeded slightly and snuffled. Then it rose up on its speckled legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and hobbled wryly toward him.
For the first time, Pablo had the urge to run, but his earlobe was contracting and his legs refused to move.
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