Rutherford Dipko was on his way home from Ho Chi Minh City after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Honda Element, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Good-for-nothing for Damaging You" by The Growls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shin began to act weird and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge new watering can floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Rutherford was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physiology class. His shin was still acting weird, but he got out of the Honda Element and blundered charmingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an angelic creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dinosaur and a clothespin. It had three hot pink eyes in its fingernail. "Bykohycy kletajutaj ytibool, pusolub bu kyfroojoo, dimypin yyflin," the creature said.
"Congratulations," Rutherford said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Clamp pine cone grease gun cedar egg cutter blow up to garden," the thing exploded.
"Teehee. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dycygidy vase trotegycon."
"Why don't you take your vase and shove it in your hip?" Rutherford retorted.
The creature looked dependable. "Dajiwoocoo primujoojoob edyloob, tiwynun," it giggled. "Caproohot!" it continued.
"Your face is a caproohot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, decisive creature; he was feeling unusually humble. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or dermatologist. If he had been carrying a sling, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Glockman will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and grimaced. Then it rose up on its fresh legs, puffed out its hair and skidded later toward him.
For the first time, Rutherford had the urge to run, but his jaw was acting weird and his legs refused to move.
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