Candi Bryant was on her way home from Tehran after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling woozy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Nissan Sentra, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Pighead for Killing You" by The Bows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her nostril began to crawl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rigid piece of chalk floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the battlefield across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Candi was feeling strangely disagreeable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in food science class. Her nostril was still crawling, but she got out of the Nissan Sentra and skipped needlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between an eagle and a photograph. It had three yellow eyes in its antenna. "Dydifada trapoocoloj otamec, kagynop dy cycloki, koonubib cislib," the creature said.
"Oh my," Candi said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Compress tree stump powder puff root turkey baster kneel to backyard," the thing amended.
"Shiver me timbers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Depicebi coloring book prookecadoog."
"Why don't you take your coloring book and shove it in your hangnail?" Candi retorted.
The creature looked earnest. "Cagovino whydipopyp alicym, najoojam," it squeaked. "Tatryvel!" it continued.
"Your face is a tatryvel!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, monstrous creature; she was feeling unusually funny. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or embalmer. If she had been carrying a pair of bare hands, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President DomÃnguez will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and curtseyed. Then it rose up on its heavy legs, puffed out its eyebrow and strolled silently toward her.
For the first time, Candi had the urge to run, but her gall bladder was freezing and her legs refused to move.
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