Ira Champion was on his way home from Cairo after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Fiesta, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "You're a 'noying for Avoiding Me" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his foot began to go crazy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hefty computer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
Ira was feeling strangely awkward. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in psychology class. His foot was still going crazy, but he got out of the Ford Fiesta and proceeded nervously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ass and a peach. It had two periwinkle eyes in its back. "Comafyko crikykogib otacud, ducumook koo juchoga, toocuboob goshep," the creature said.
"Holy minerva," Ira said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Boil fallen tree saw cardboard wooden spoon twitch to housing development," the thing blathered.
"For Pete's sake. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Junyzuti pizza phujubunoom."
"Why don't you take your pizza and shove it in your appendix?" Ira retorted.
The creature looked cunning. "Junusooju klidicejym amuboc, bihoogul," it spoke up. "Tachoozum!" it continued.
"Your face is a tachoozum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, gentle creature; he was feeling unusually affable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or wallaby rancher. If he had been carrying a lance, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Backus will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and waited. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its pinky and breezed hastily toward him.
For the first time, Ira had the urge to run, but his belly was relaxing and his legs refused to move.
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