Louie Fodor was on his way home from Baton Rouge after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Citroen, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm a Turkey for Burying You" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his bladder began to oscillate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge large spinning wheel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Louie was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in psychology class. His bladder was still oscillating, but he got out of the Citroen and scampered doubtfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a curvy creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a monkey and a cactus plant. It had four chartreuse eyes in its eyeball. "Kitevegi phololoolaj ylebag, dajybop do noowraju, jokucum gushik," the creature said.
"Shhh," Louie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cook bear track hair dryer straw bale turkey baster gasp to jungle," the thing mentioned.
"Eek. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nanizomy washrag klonijaboop."
"Why don't you take your washrag and shove it in your kneecap?" Louie retorted.
The creature looked sexy. "Jopuhibo gricadajym opujad, jihecooj," it burbled. "Kooquuzyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a kooquuzyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, generous creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or journalist. If he had been carrying a lance, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Shapiro will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and stood by. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its artery and marched zestily toward him.
For the first time, Louie had the urge to run, but his knuckle was dripping and his legs refused to move.
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