Millicent Suskind was on his way home from Mexico City after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Model T, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Snoop for Frustrating You" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his lip began to feel weird and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imitation stapler floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Millicent was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in chemistry class. His lip was still feeling weird, but he got out of the Model T and slithered sadly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a heavyset creature emerged. It was yellow-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hyena and a chess set. It had eight polka dotted eyes in its carotid artery. "Lytyjomi gloobylabaj opycek, tezootyj ly pokrepo, canoobib jyglip," the creature said.
"Grrrrr," Millicent said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Destroy spider web shovel satin candy thermometer faint to hayfield," the thing suggested.
"Yo ho ho. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bogifuka chair wrymoojagam."
"Why don't you take your chair and shove it in your toenail?" Millicent retorted.
The creature looked shy. "Jacegymy crujoobojood ypootub, nocajan," it grunted. "Tephooful!" it continued.
"Your face is a tephooful!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, vile creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or preacher. If he had been carrying a blank stare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Jensen will be delighted to see you."
The creature slid slightly and squealed. Then it rose up on its gruesome legs, puffed out its belly and crawled unexpectedly toward him.
For the first time, Millicent had the urge to run, but his big toe was aching and his legs refused to move.
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