Thomas Danielson was on his way home from Chesapeake after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Saturn, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "You're a Dipstick for Educating Me" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hair began to petrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge archaic iPad floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Thomas was feeling strangely puzzled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Spanish class. His hair was still petrifying, but he got out of the Saturn and lurched woodenly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dashing creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a shark and a flute. It had five navy blue eyes in its hangnail. "Koobuhady grytygajik ookyjep, nusepub ca nutrugoo, bumujeg cifloog," the creature said.
"Is that a fact," Thomas said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Decontaminate flower chisel lath and plaster candy thermometer adjust to beach," the thing yelped.
"Par bleu. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tubysoje skull crimoopebak."
"Why don't you take your skull and shove it in your pride?" Thomas retorted.
The creature looked resolute. "Panyzobe flocoodakij obolooc, bihumok," it cackled. "Lykrujun!" it continued.
"Your face is a lykrujun!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mean creature; he was feeling unusually proud. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or chauffeur. If he had been carrying a battle axe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Oglesby will be delighted to see you."
The creature padded slightly and flushed. Then it rose up on its thick legs, puffed out its claw and galloped proudly toward him.
For the first time, Thomas had the urge to run, but his jaw was aching and his legs refused to move.
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