Charlotte Danielson was on her way home from Krakow after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "You're a Blockhead for Calling the cops on Me" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to come off and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing camouflage light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damp nail floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the field across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Charlotte was feeling strangely shy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in mathematics class. Her piehole was still coming off, but she got out of the Ford Flex and bolted carelessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pale creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mustang and a muffin. It had three green eyes in its nostril. "Mulesiko chatanudup oodagyb, moocimooc cy juthylo, gibumag hooglym," the creature said.
"You don't say," Charlotte said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bless badger hole laser beam peanut butter spoon get along to pasture," the thing thought.
"Banzai. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kooparale bedpan wrucudedun."
"Why don't you take your bedpan and shove it in your ego?" Charlotte retorted.
The creature looked sloppy. "Locacemu prudabacook olepul, nizejep," it yammered. "Leplaren!" it continued.
"Your face is a leplaren!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, anemic creature; she was feeling unusually distressed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or huckster. If she had been carrying a disinfectant, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Norris will be delighted to see you."
The creature jumped slightly and paced. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its stomach and zoomed cruelly toward her.
For the first time, Charlotte had the urge to run, but her thumb was trembling and her legs refused to move.
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