Guido Marchetti was on his way home from San Antonio after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Dodge Viper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Baby for Tripping Me" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his abdomen began to petrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn pot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Guido was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in poetry class. His abdomen was still petrifying, but he got out of the Dodge Viper and sneaked excitedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scruffy creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sasquatch and a hacksaw. It had seven peach eyes in its belly. "Nonyvoli frelipogyb ikajyb, mugatem ko muklyla, kigekul seshyp," the creature said.
"Lo and behold," Guido said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rock dead tree hammer glass brick pair of chopsticks tremble to mountaintop," the thing imitated.
"Jeepers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Noojijyci magazine sladetaboob."
"Why don't you take your magazine and shove it in your thyroid gland?" Guido retorted.
The creature looked shiftless. "Lujavaju phejetigup udoocek, towigim," it vouched. "Duchiyaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a duchiyaj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, noxious creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or banjo player. If he had been carrying a mosquito net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fields will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and chortled. Then it rose up on its autographed legs, puffed out its heel and slipped vacantly toward him.
For the first time, Guido had the urge to run, but his wrist was darkening and his legs refused to move.
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