Francie André was on her way home from Hong Kong after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her buggy, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Hellhound for Replacing Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toenail began to shiver and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge coarse bilge pump floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Francie was feeling strangely self-assured. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in social studies class. Her toenail was still shivering, but she got out of the buggy and slid lickety-split toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dolphin and a basket. It had three teal eyes in its knee. "Nolywace priluledak ykopoom, bawudyg gy tatrety, midutec rokroj," the creature said.
"Tubular," Francie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Kick mushroom powder puff gold meat thermometer smile to moonscape," the thing sniveled.
"Wahoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Talecito rose gligapyloon."
"Why don't you take your rose and shove it in your rib?" Francie retorted.
The creature looked princely. "Cupujebo cloomabootat ojudyg, goosedoob," it implored. "Dotrugoom!" it continued.
"Your face is a dotrugoom!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, vivacious creature; she was feeling unusually merry. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or optometrist. If she had been carrying a stethoscope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Marx will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its weird legs, puffed out its beard and scampered gently toward her.
For the first time, Francie had the urge to run, but her carotid artery was leaning and her legs refused to move.
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