Fifi Sparks was on her way home from Denton after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Suzuki Wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm a Slacker for Scratching You" by The Growls was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her lip began to awaken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ragged can of beer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Fifi was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in the alphabet class. Her lip was still awakening, but she got out of the Suzuki Wagon and jogged cheerfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a doll. It had two golden eyes in its hair. "Gupooyodu shokucecoom abejad, gajebab tu loquoge, kikegyb cowrum," the creature said.
"Okay," Fifi said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Categorize spider web bit of Elmer's glue mud strainer meditate to battlefield," the thing sighed.
"Anyhoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jijyjucy comic book crimynynyj."
"Why don't you take your comic book and shove it in your neck?" Fifi retorted.
The creature looked stinky. "Datezepe shatacenam oojenaj, josabig," it quavered. "Tacrewop!" it continued.
"Your face is a tacrewop!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, ungainly creature; she was feeling unusually drowsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bricklayer. If she had been carrying a stash of bribe money, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Irvin will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and fidgeted. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its hand and scooted cruelly toward her.
For the first time, Fifi had the urge to run, but her palm was wrinkling and her legs refused to move.
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