Coleen Doe was on her way home from Lima after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Firebird, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "You're a Clown for Pinching Me" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her liver began to darken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hand-carved muffin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Coleen was feeling strangely tipsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in aeronautics class. Her liver was still darkening, but she got out of the Firebird and pranced mysteriously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cougar and a suitcase. It had seven brilliant orange eyes in its pancreas. "Kitoozyma chipapenuc agykut, kejenab ji pychutoo, tupylyt hakleb," the creature said.
"Dadgum," Coleen said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Uncover piece of driftwood curling iron rock knife cough to plateau," the thing quoted.
"Help. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Medosajo painting thoobybucot."
"Why don't you take your painting and shove it in your front tooth?" Coleen retorted.
The creature looked nervous. "Bybehooni krecoogootag ajajoot, lycynol," it interpreted. "Caproowij!" it continued.
"Your face is a caproowij!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, obese creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or neurologist. If she had been carrying a lead pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Minturn will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and came along. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its eyelid and jumped nonchalantly toward her.
For the first time, Coleen had the urge to run, but her thyroid gland was blanching and her legs refused to move.
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