Regina Baggins was on her way home from Elk Grove after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Model T, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm a talk-show host for Avoiding You" by The Honks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her knuckle began to stink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge broken handkerchief floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Regina was feeling strangely tipsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in addition class. Her knuckle was still stinking, but she got out of the Model T and clambered rapidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scruffy creature emerged. It was yellow-ish in color and looked like a cross between a swan and a pail. It had three green eyes in its back. "Dytajapi clelicogum oogudood, toojoolil to mawhooku, lobepul vooclag," the creature said.
"Ssss," Regina said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scratch maple tree jigsaw bark dish cloth dawdle to pond," the thing hollered.
"Man alive. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cooporika wastebasket phageceboon."
"Why don't you take your wastebasket and shove it in your belly button?" Regina retorted.
The creature looked lively. "Gecefepy drebynoocin oopaton, dofegyl," it demanded. "Nophowim!" it continued.
"Your face is a nophowim!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, sketchy creature; she was feeling unusually carefree. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or race car driver. If she had been carrying a pair of bare hands, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nabokov will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounced slightly and froze. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its nostril and jogged nicely toward her.
For the first time, Regina had the urge to run, but her toupee was closing down and her legs refused to move.
Next Chapter