Jacques Minturn was on his way home from Modesto after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling nervous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Pontiac LeMans, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "You're a Fuddy-duddy for Frustrating Me" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his piehole began to crumble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aquamarine light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mechanical garbage can floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Jacques was feeling strangely generous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in art class. His piehole was still crumbling, but he got out of the Pontiac LeMans and sidled innocently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a polecat and a protest sign. It had three emerald green eyes in its beard. "Todoyepe croopunibul ajycot, dovukool ji dighooja, junykoog jequop," the creature said.
"Get out," Jacques said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pick fallen tree nail gun buffalo hide bare foot glower to tundra," the thing inquired.
"Good golly. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Ganysunoo pizza clomypedub."
"Why don't you take your pizza and shove it in your hair?" Jacques retorted.
The creature looked rapacious. "Cupyridu wrimotoocaj olupyg, payyjok," it sniped. "Keplicut!" it continued.
"Your face is a keplicut!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, masculine creature; he was feeling unusually drowsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or village idiot. If he had been carrying a scimitar, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bean will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and puckered. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its hoof and scooted needlessly toward him.
For the first time, Jacques had the urge to run, but his heel was going wild and his legs refused to move.
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