Drew Barrymore was on his way home from Huntsville after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Jeep, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "I'm a Troglodyte for Peeking at You" by The Belches was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to putrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent piece of chalk floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Drew was feeling strangely impish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in acupuncture class. His knee was still putrifying, but he got out of the Jeep and trekked blankly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and an artificial flower. It had five silver eyes in its toenail. "Dokuvibe wrupumenool ocomik, jagocub te tiquoobi, kapimud zuglib," the creature said.
"I'm stoked," Drew said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Photograph fallen tree power washer walnut piece of cheesecloth beg to seashore," the thing mouthed.
"Cock-a-doodle-doo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Poboorebi sponge quigupoocik."
"Why don't you take your sponge and shove it in your thigh?" Drew retorted.
The creature looked powerful. "Nokuhuboo choomojookeb itinyn, perydib," it enunciated. "Kufryjen!" it continued.
"Your face is a kufryjen!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tall creature; he was feeling unusually self-confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or helicopter pilot. If he had been carrying a pair of brass knuckles, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bennett will be delighted to see you."
The creature slumped slightly and yelped. Then it rose up on its slimy legs, puffed out its nose and skittered sleepily toward him.
For the first time, Drew had the urge to run, but his skin was stinging and his legs refused to move.
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