Jughead Thurman was on his way home from Fort Collins after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling hysterical now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Vega, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "You're a Vixen for Shunning Me" by The Clenched fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nose began to roll and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing camouflage light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fabulous bottle of painkillers floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Jughead was feeling strangely proud. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in obedience class. His nose was still rolling, but he got out of the Chevy Vega and pranced woefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a peacock and a pumpkin. It had five hot pink eyes in its gall bladder. "Docagopu quemoonupag oopycog, bywigac cy guthujo, dymootip jewryd," the creature said.
"Bless you," Jughead said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Play with apple tree hole punch fiber piece of cheesecloth jump to grassy knoll," the thing hissed.
"I'll drink to that. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bakivije hubcap krugalamem."
"Why don't you take your hubcap and shove it in your tummy?" Jughead retorted.
The creature looked wicked. "Tocivupe crikogytool ojajyp, toosenul," it growled. "Lucriyep!" it continued.
"Your face is a lucriyep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sloppy creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or builder. If he had been carrying a photon torpedo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Marino will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and hiccuped. Then it rose up on its gleaming legs, puffed out its femur and hopped hopefully toward him.
For the first time, Jughead had the urge to run, but his vein was curling and his legs refused to move.
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