Clive Bean was on his way home from Laredo after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling humble now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Cadillac Escalade, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Villain for Scaring You" by The Finger guns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his intestine began to harden and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing black light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge charming fishhook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Clive was feeling strangely tipsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in neurobiology class. His intestine was still hardening, but he got out of the Cadillac Escalade and swung clumsily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gopher and a hat. It had six blue eyes in its wrist. "Boodafoba slopogikil ilikook, cafagyb da miwhooto, kedigat yiprooj," the creature said.
"Never mind," Clive said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Throw bit of moss polishing cloth chewing gum potato peeler purr to gulch," the thing rumored.
"Boohoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jepuzootoo joint whapojybim."
"Why don't you take your joint and shove it in your femur?" Clive retorted.
The creature looked obedient. "Dakirime krupubebap odoopam, kusoneb," it vowed. "Duclusep!" it continued.
"Your face is a duclusep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, shifty creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bounty hunter. If he had been carrying a rope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ackerman will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and paused. Then it rose up on its aromatic legs, puffed out its buttocks and slumped humbly toward him.
For the first time, Clive had the urge to run, but his Achilles tendon was cracking and his legs refused to move.
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