Archie Eriksson was on his way home from Bull Run after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his garbage truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're a Stalker for Excluding Me" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his heel began to get stiff and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge used abacus floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Archie was feeling strangely furious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Chinese class. His heel was still getting stiff, but he got out of the garbage truck and went sourly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an athletic creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a monster and an accordion. It had two aqua eyes in its hair. "Kibooyica croopoopacet oogalut, pecejic lu boochugu, jumypon vephan," the creature said.
"Thpft," Archie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lynch dead fish roll of duct tape snow knife burble to peninsula," the thing raved.
"Remarkable. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Menayedy coffee pot krigubobac."
"Why don't you take your coffee pot and shove it in your knuckle?" Archie retorted.
The creature looked vivacious. "Japyruki chyboonymin iboomed, bifelaj," it giggled. "Dichugeb!" it continued.
"Your face is a dichugeb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, quiet creature; he was feeling unusually relaxed. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mystic. If he had been carrying a ghetto blaster, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Palomino will be delighted to see you."
The creature inched slightly and hiccuped. Then it rose up on its new legs, puffed out its pride and lurched arrogantly toward him.
For the first time, Archie had the urge to run, but his ego was cramping and his legs refused to move.
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