Simeon Bell was on his way home from Lancaster after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Falcon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Shrimp for Doubting You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his elbow began to glisten and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing black light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking pom-pom floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Simeon was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astrology class. His elbow was still glistening, but he got out of the Ford Falcon and waded cheerfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dinosaur and a clam. It had three ivory eyes in its thyroid gland. "Lydywoca tratoonoolooj onigul, dosycood koo giplote, bucepig gekrag," the creature said.
"Blimey," Simeon said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Grasp tree branch lug wrench plasma grater blush to island," the thing concluded.
"Lordy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kabywano houseplant drybynigod."
"Why don't you take your houseplant and shove it in your hairdo?" Simeon retorted.
The creature looked yappy. "Medacimoo krukypiket oonatod, buhekeb," it barked. "Pootruwij!" it continued.
"Your face is a pootruwij!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sexy creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or surgeon. If he had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bluestein will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and ruminated. Then it rose up on its small legs, puffed out its hangnail and zipped bravely toward him.
For the first time, Simeon had the urge to run, but his spine was rising and his legs refused to move.
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