Newton Spangler was on his way home from Sidney after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brash now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick Skylark, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Thug for Dumbfounding You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to get sticky and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge worn sack of potatoes floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then actively descended to the ground.
Newton was feeling strangely cruel. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in oceanography class. His tummy was still getting sticky, but he got out of the Buick Skylark and walked neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a horse and a floppy disk. It had two tan eyes in its finger. "Liboogony prugoolagyd ugoolyl, pocunyt goo naklobe, jylykut wophic," the creature said.
"Uh-huh," Newton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Chop seed pod chainsaw candy wooden spoon gesticulate to backyard," the thing continued.
"Hush. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Booperuji fingernail clipper drubadumik."
"Why don't you take your fingernail clipper and shove it in your knee?" Newton retorted.
The creature looked brassy. "Kimavuke croolegunog anicag, loosyloot," it taunted. "Nodrerag!" it continued.
"Your face is a nodrerag!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, careful creature; he was feeling unusually pensive. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or biologist. If he had been carrying a machete, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Flash will be delighted to see you."
The creature danced slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its narrow legs, puffed out its bladder and crept charmingly toward him.
For the first time, Newton had the urge to run, but his chest was warping and his legs refused to move.
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