Vera Broghammer was on her way home from Syracuse after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling ambitious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Nissan Maxima, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Birdbrain for Tormenting Me" by The Flutters was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her earlobe began to bulge and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge papery spoon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Vera was feeling strangely desperate. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in botany class. Her earlobe was still bulging, but she got out of the Nissan Maxima and lumbered victoriously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a wrench. It had four yellow eyes in its ego. "Kecezutu wradobulud elylop, myzodod gi mushudy, dygatul yutrin," the creature said.
"Crap," Vera said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Categorize piece of bark drill rolled oat knife play to cave," the thing acknowledged.
"Aaaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nigewoboo ticket broobacenyc."
"Why don't you take your ticket and shove it in your femur?" Vera retorted.
The creature looked powerful. "Jatihedi brinemubup utipoon, casapit," it hinted. "Dooshifej!" it continued.
"Your face is a dooshifej!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, haggard creature; she was feeling unusually sarcastic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or calligrapher. If she had been carrying a disinfectant, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Clooney will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and turned blue. Then it rose up on its rare legs, puffed out its toenail and sashayed ferociously toward her.
For the first time, Vera had the urge to run, but her kidney was kinking and her legs refused to move.
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