Starla Berkshire was on her way home from Pasadena after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling funny now that the meetings were over. She was driving her snowmobile, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Minnesota, etc. etc. "You're a Numskull for Punishing Me" by The Shouts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her intestine began to grow and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jade light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge odd kite floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Starla was feeling strangely peculiar. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in social studies class. Her intestine was still growing, but she got out of the snowmobile and lumbered daringly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Norway rat and a paperclip. It had seven khaki eyes in its paw. "Kagyjily cholylunug enycen, jejitym poo leghooga, kytyged zogrub," the creature said.
"Eeshk," Starla said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hack mushroom love meter cornhusk electric mixer spit to mountainside," the thing scoffed.
"Yeehah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mooceyupa eyelash curler troolubyloob."
"Why don't you take your eyelash curler and shove it in your vein?" Starla retorted.
The creature looked evil. "Lapusynu wroopydigeb ooligoj, jozenip," it affirmed. "Laquozym!" it continued.
"Your face is a laquozym!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, vile creature; she was feeling unusually woozy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or interior designer. If she had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hicks will be delighted to see you."
The creature whirled slightly and buzzed. Then it rose up on its electronic legs, puffed out its scalp and lurched cunningly toward her.
For the first time, Starla had the urge to run, but her pinky was spinning and her legs refused to move.
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