Edith Brookshire was on her way home from Baghdad after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tired now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a Coward for Hypnotizing You" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her piehole began to putrify and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal blanket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the peninsula across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Edith was feeling strangely cheerful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hotel management class. Her piehole was still putrifying, but she got out of the UFO and hobbled reluctantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a smallish creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a finch and a dish. It had six beige eyes in its thorax. "Cadogiki ghobetilooj apapub, cusemim ta kocreju, gootejood rosled," the creature said.
"Gosh darn," Edith said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lose tree stump love meter cork pastry blender wobble to bog," the thing preached.
"Suffering sassafras. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mebazima hot potato wrubonibym."
"Why don't you take your hot potato and shove it in your bladder?" Edith retorted.
The creature looked wicked. "Bunyyyne frinoligoc inugop, nuhinin," it griped. "Cychoojin!" it continued.
"Your face is a cychoojin!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, ladylike creature; she was feeling unusually hysterical. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or grocer. If she had been carrying a syringe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Zhu will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and barked. Then it rose up on its expensive legs, puffed out its pancreas and dove warmly toward her.
For the first time, Edith had the urge to run, but her tail was glowing and her legs refused to move.
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