Edward Crawford was on his way home from Milan after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling woozy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Transit, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Devil for Cuddling You" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toe began to bleed and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge multicolored bird feeder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Edward was feeling strangely somber. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in alchemy class. His toe was still bleeding, but he got out of the Ford Transit and skidded again toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gazelle and a lollipop. It had three pink eyes in its front tooth. "Gookagotoo flycytakoon ogoocat, ticinoog me kiclyly, kepukin fukrob," the creature said.
"Deranged," Edward said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Liquify fallen tree hacksaw silver cookie cutter pant to pasture," the thing contended.
"Why not?. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Becehooca roll of duct tape grunookeloog."
"Why don't you take your roll of duct tape and shove it in your jaw?" Edward retorted.
The creature looked stubborn. "Nenaweto dricocopeb ubegam, bucatum," it divulged. "Boobrayyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a boobrayyn!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, moronic creature; he was feeling unusually tired. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or diver. If he had been carrying a peacemaker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tweedie will be delighted to see you."
The creature slipped slightly and trembled. Then it rose up on its jagged legs, puffed out its bladder and proceeded vigorously toward him.
For the first time, Edward had the urge to run, but his Achilles tendon was going numb and his legs refused to move.
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