Laci Kim was on her way home from Raleigh after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Crown Victoria, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Ohio, etc. etc. "You're a Noodlebrain for Listening to Me" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hip began to shake and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge queer whoopee cushion floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the meadow across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Laci was feeling strangely fiendish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in anthropology class. Her hip was still shaking, but she got out of the Crown Victoria and breezed nonchalantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panther and a paintbrush. It had two magenta eyes in its little toe. "Lebiyeci trelutugal ibyjyn, tozokuj ty ciplyde, mybuget rofrit," the creature said.
"Petunia," Laci said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bite spider web hammer ribbons grater clear out to mountaintop," the thing said.
"Jiminy crickets. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nacuvili toolbox thootucuteg."
"Why don't you take your toolbox and shove it in your toenail?" Laci retorted.
The creature looked sleepy. "Delucoce thaloomujoog yjigyl, pycocil," it wondered. "Meslerad!" it continued.
"Your face is a meslerad!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, brazen creature; she was feeling unusually puzzled. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or contractor. If she had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Thomas will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and snorted. Then it rose up on its heavy legs, puffed out its midriff and jumped boisterously toward her.
For the first time, Laci had the urge to run, but her knee was rattling and her legs refused to move.
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