Tommy Giordano was on his way home from Tripoli after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his buggy, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're a Bonehead for Rebuffing Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his horn began to crackle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing azure light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge musty rose floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the swamp across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Tommy was feeling strangely proud. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in addition class. His horn was still crackling, but he got out of the buggy and skipped slyly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tattooed creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gopher and a pair of fuzzy dice. It had two indigo eyes in its hand. "Danycopa phojygogob ilital, cisojyl bu nooklimu, cyjekac hotroog," the creature said.
"Fiddlesticks," Tommy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hide cedar tree hammer cement blender scream to cave," the thing chanted.
"Gosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Myjyfegi hat wroobygadot."
"Why don't you take your hat and shove it in your chest?" Tommy retorted.
The creature looked polite. "Kuduhoogoo prytoolegag atubog, poosimol," it moaned. "Coofrufup!" it continued.
"Your face is a coofrufup!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cruel creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or shopkeeper. If he had been carrying a stink bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Burner will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and mumbled. Then it rose up on its hand-carved legs, puffed out its palm and stormed craftily toward him.
For the first time, Tommy had the urge to run, but his eyelash was radiating and his legs refused to move.
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