Kjersten Tiller was on her way home from Hialeah after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. She was driving her rocket, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "You're a Noodlebrain for Thinking about Me" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tummy began to attract flies and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge luxurious grease gun floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Kjersten was feeling strangely suave. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in reading class. Her tummy was still attracting flies, but she got out of the rocket and bolted ignobly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dapper creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ostrich and a package. It had three periwinkle eyes in its hairdo. "Noojugujoo ghookinynook igoloon, jagookyc jy dyglagy, gokitol fiphok," the creature said.
"Barf," Kjersten said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Disguise bit of moss putty knife cold rolled steel grater come back to hillside," the thing stormed.
"Ay chihuahua. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cinygeji stapler glynejogyb."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your funny bone?" Kjersten retorted.
The creature looked maniacal. "Tibewejo bralamoodap eludod, davacej," it noted. "Bidragaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a bidragaj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, sexy creature; she was feeling unusually humble. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or hair stylist. If she had been carrying a baton, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bruno will be delighted to see you."
The creature tramped slightly and fainted. Then it rose up on its crusty legs, puffed out its buttocks and leapt again toward her.
For the first time, Kjersten had the urge to run, but her waist was pulsating and her legs refused to move.
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