Samuel Kramer was on his way home from Oslo after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Leaf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Lamebrain for Covering Me" by The Glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his chin began to turn black and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hand-made cage floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Samuel was feeling strangely somber. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in penmanship class. His chin was still turning black, but he got out of the Nissan Leaf and barrelled fearlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gnu and a balloon. It had eight aqua eyes in its gall bladder. "Pudovakoo plunocootym alacyt, tovukyd dy bechyda, tajukoob cephal," the creature said.
"Criminy," Samuel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Destroy fallen tree pipe wrench peanut butter blender step aside to river," the thing spoke up.
"Heck. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mookihypy key ring wregiboojyp."
"Why don't you take your key ring and shove it in your femur?" Samuel retorted.
The creature looked brassy. "Pocooweni flecoomepuk ycemut, darutun," it trumpeted. "Tugrayib!" it continued.
"Your face is a tugrayib!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cheerful creature; he was feeling unusually disagreeable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or physician. If he had been carrying a pom-pom, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Irons will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and puffed. Then it rose up on its wooden legs, puffed out its funny bone and reeled coolly toward him.
For the first time, Samuel had the urge to run, but his pinky was scaling off and his legs refused to move.
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