Barb Diamond was on her way home from Saõ Paulo after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. She was driving her clown car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Hoodlum for Isolating Me" by The Squints was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gut began to warp and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge polished spider floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Barb was feeling strangely proud. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in manners class. Her gut was still warping, but she got out of the clown car and clambered arrogantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a heavyset creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a coloring book. It had seven olive drab eyes in its palm. "Gacayily ghodukatyp alogin, tocamyp coo jikleki, nydalan veplun," the creature said.
"Ay yi yi," Barb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rock spring compass paper food processor adjust the clock to badlands area," the thing clarified.
"Far out. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kybufulo stuffed kitten klibelolyc."
"Why don't you take your stuffed kitten and shove it in your claw?" Barb retorted.
The creature looked sexy. "Coolacooja sladoomoolyj ujomyp, lewylol," it stated. "Tubroceg!" it continued.
"Your face is a tubroceg!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, lethargic creature; she was feeling unusually fiendish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gemcutter. If she had been carrying a stash of bribe money, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baggins will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and danced. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its knee and skipped glibly toward her.
For the first time, Barb had the urge to run, but her eyelash was stinking and her legs refused to move.
Next Chapter