Patricia Williams was on her way home from Chattanooga after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Suburban, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Hog for Singing to You" by The Winces was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spleen began to break off and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rare flyswatter floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the stream across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Patricia was feeling strangely ambitious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in business class. Her spleen was still breaking off, but she got out of the Chevy Suburban and skidded proudly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sloth and a magnifying glass. It had five terra cotta eyes in its foot. "Mupooroboo shoogibupac itebed, tohalab di buthuna, gilipaj zathyp," the creature said.
"Dag nabbit," Patricia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shellac acorn chainsaw rubble corkscrew swoon to stream," the thing stated.
"Ah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Natafipo rope crogocamig."
"Why don't you take your rope and shove it in your adrenal gland?" Patricia retorted.
The creature looked dowdy. "Dajoviku whepunoodyd acutup, loofulyj," it belched. "Kofruzyp!" it continued.
"Your face is a kofruzyp!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, funny creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or real estate agent. If she had been carrying a tennis racket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Morrissey will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and rolled. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its brain and trekked threateningly toward her.
For the first time, Patricia had the urge to run, but her larynx was getting emotional and her legs refused to move.
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