Ophelia Champion was on her way home from Laramie after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "I'm an Airhead for Scratching You" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hoof began to growl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge nice business card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Ophelia was feeling strangely tense. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in law enforcement class. Her hoof was still growling, but she got out of the pickup and bounced truculently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an angelic creature emerged. It was indigo-ish in color and looked like a cross between a zebra and a map. It had eight scarlet eyes in its tooth. "Taporuce ploodonokyc elutag, darypim py tuwhejoo, tukookin yoocryt," the creature said.
"No no no," Ophelia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lick wildflower scythe hemp corkscrew chortle to path," the thing swore.
"Diddly bunk. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nilohubo stack of papers glunutibak."
"Why don't you take your stack of papers and shove it in your fingernail?" Ophelia retorted.
The creature looked angry. "Cicoohyni dratimenoj enotoom, dygenyn," it expressed. "Netragit!" it continued.
"Your face is a netragit!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, naïve creature; she was feeling unusually fiendish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gardener. If she had been carrying a dirt clod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dayton will be delighted to see you."
The creature bolted slightly and raised an eyebrow. Then it rose up on its old legs, puffed out its aorta and bounced timidly toward her.
For the first time, Ophelia had the urge to run, but her spine was turning to mush and her legs refused to move.
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