José Prang was on his way home from Riverside after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling pensive now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "You're a Dope fiend for Operating on Me" by The Backward glances was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shin began to come off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge handy stuffed owl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then hastily descended to the ground.
José was feeling strangely self-confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in interior design class. His shin was still coming off, but he got out of the Ford pickup and skittered deftly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a white creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between an owl and a comb. It had three teal eyes in its finger. "Timuwooje phoocakymin ecadup, burookib tu naghynu, tyjoojeb suphaj," the creature said.
"Ahem," José said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bleach deer track dust cloth chocolate candy thermometer inhale to arroyo," the thing uttered.
"Ay yi yi. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kokiwoga saw glulinykut."
"Why don't you take your saw and shove it in your cheek?" José retorted.
The creature looked obese. "Bunojamo slootoopypoot upagec, pefigood," it growled. "Poochoozid!" it continued.
"Your face is a poochoozid!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sincere creature; he was feeling unusually peckish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or maid. If he had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Shipman will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and jumped. Then it rose up on its hollow legs, puffed out its eye and marched again toward him.
For the first time, José had the urge to run, but his little toe was radiating and his legs refused to move.
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