Maureen Dixon was on her way home from Hanoi after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cantankerous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Jeep, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "You're a Dirty dog for Blinking at Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her carotid artery began to get waxy and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bizarre ice cream cone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Maureen was feeling strangely peculiar. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in math class. Her carotid artery was still getting waxy, but she got out of the Jeep and skittered thoughtfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a salamander and a bottle of painkillers. It had six lime-green eyes in its hair. "Telyyity proonykecyt edoodab, cazudol pe cokrumi, gidepog yuclad," the creature said.
"Dang," Maureen said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rock weed wire brush old rag turkey baster wait to rainforest," the thing explained.
"Tubular. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dodecuba urn phyloominap."
"Why don't you take your urn and shove it in your skin?" Maureen retorted.
The creature looked monstrous. "Doduhutoo kredookydim alodan, mozapym," it snorted. "Nashawed!" it continued.
"Your face is a nashawed!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wary creature; she was feeling unusually distressed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or disk jockey. If she had been carrying a hockey puck, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dipko will be delighted to see you."
The creature galumphed slightly and fantasized. Then it rose up on its abnormal legs, puffed out its kneecap and skittered numbly toward her.
For the first time, Maureen had the urge to run, but her spine was aching and her legs refused to move.
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