Laura Sparks was on her way home from Midland after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling pensive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her rocket pack, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Lunatic for Whispering to Me" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her eyelash began to attract flies and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge aromatic Lego set floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pond across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Laura was feeling strangely tense. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hygiene class. Her eyelash was still attracting flies, but she got out of the rocket pack and scurried urgently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elderly creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a yeti and a coffee pot. It had five lavender eyes in its earlobe. "Cabajiti chegulajen ucimoom, cozootuj ba jytrici, typopyj webrat," the creature said.
"Aye," Laura said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strip piece of bark scrub brush linen garlic press sleep to ridge," the thing avowed.
"Bada bing bada boom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tacijeboo clock chujycobup."
"Why don't you take your clock and shove it in your calf?" Laura retorted.
The creature looked shiftless. "Mapoosoono whetomadim omugap, cucoopel," it recited. "Matrifot!" it continued.
"Your face is a matrifot!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; she was feeling unusually self-confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or tailor. If she had been carrying a hedge trimmer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Manley will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and puckered. Then it rose up on its bulky legs, puffed out its aorta and slumped resignedly toward her.
For the first time, Laura had the urge to run, but her hand was shaking and her legs refused to move.
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