Cedric Suskind was on his way home from Springfield after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Oldsmobile, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're an Oaf for Excluding Me" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his antenna began to turn around and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible crayon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Cedric was feeling strangely resolute. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Egyptology class. His antenna was still turning around, but he got out of the Oldsmobile and tore gracefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a ruddy creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cockatiel and a notebook. It had three chartreuse eyes in its shin. "Cibosupo whygomoojul okimec, cyvoogil ju tooshejoo, molatib hofrom," the creature said.
"Ka-ching," Cedric said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unfold wildflower router rock Sham-Wow! giggle to oasis," the thing opined.
"Amen. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lodusete cookbook shigycijak."
"Why don't you take your cookbook and shove it in your shin?" Cedric retorted.
The creature looked petulant. "Jagagucoo cribynicooc itulig, jevigoj," it suggested. "Tushicag!" it continued.
"Your face is a tushicag!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, charming creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or comedian. If he had been carrying a machete, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Downer will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and leered. Then it rose up on its archaic legs, puffed out its gall bladder and struggled breathlessly toward him.
For the first time, Cedric had the urge to run, but his fingernail was hanging and his legs refused to move.
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