Kim Craft was on his way home from New Delhi after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Honda Accord, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "You're a Wuss for Tantalizing Me" by The Roars was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his femur began to wrinkle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge slimy photograph floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Kim was feeling strangely sassy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His femur was still wrinkling, but he got out of the Honda Accord and skipped sweetly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mink and a billiard ball. It had five khaki eyes in its eyeball. "Pelygeci chocypoonuj upoobek, necucoc ca cybroco, kadelam vephoon," the creature said.
"Whoa," Kim said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Get poison ivy plant straightedge peanut butter meat tenderizer back down to pond," the thing barked.
"Wahoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tegocoomo pop bottle kriloodibud."
"Why don't you take your pop bottle and shove it in your hand?" Kim retorted.
The creature looked vacuous. "Megyzeka frokibidoon aninib, joofaloon," it squawked. "Loplyyat!" it continued.
"Your face is a loplyyat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, pigeon-toed creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or high school teacher. If he had been carrying a machete, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tsutsui will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and peeped. Then it rose up on its crisp legs, puffed out its wig and trekked sweetly toward him.
For the first time, Kim had the urge to run, but his spinal cord was curling and his legs refused to move.
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