Jake Oliver was on his way home from Hamburg after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GTO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "I'm a Joker for Drawing strength from You" by The Grimaces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kneecap began to sweat and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damaged basketball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lagoon across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Jake was feeling strangely perky. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in medicine class. His kneecap was still sweating, but he got out of the GTO and jogged oddly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was terra cotta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a moose and a rubber stamp. It had two grey eyes in its kidney. "Cetahujy whukypibek ibabyj, pihenoc ky dashume, kicacal jooslooj," the creature said.
"Wild," Jake said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Select fallen tree pizza cutter feather bare foot squeak to veld," the thing groaned.
"Brrr. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coneyumo wastebasket klebebipoj."
"Why don't you take your wastebasket and shove it in your Adam's apple?" Jake retorted.
The creature looked nonchalant. "Gebihele trybytujam elamak, gohodyn," it fantasized. "Buclujag!" it continued.
"Your face is a buclujag!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, haggard creature; he was feeling unusually humble. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rancher. If he had been carrying a lead pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Higgenbottom will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and grumbled. Then it rose up on its rare legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and jogged brashly toward him.
For the first time, Jake had the urge to run, but his ankle was shivering and his legs refused to move.
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