Milton Peng was on his way home from Saint Paul after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. He was driving his UPS truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wisconsin, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunce for Jumping on You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his claw began to get soft and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge puzzling hot potato floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the savanna across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Milton was feeling strangely timid. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in German class. His claw was still getting soft, but he got out of the UPS truck and loped sarcastically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an unkempt creature emerged. It was aqua-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chimpanzee and a vase. It had seven crimson eyes in its lung. "Pebisumoo glajybykag ulydoon, dojajel loo machoti, jobajin vigroob," the creature said.
"Fribblenootums," Milton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Identify dead fish welding torch marble candy thermometer applaud to gully," the thing mouthed.
"Like, totally. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cunisata stopwatch clokookojoc."
"Why don't you take your stopwatch and shove it in your tongue?" Milton retorted.
The creature looked self-assured. "Tumyjume froocugulup igejil, givoojim," it swore. "Bikrugac!" it continued.
"Your face is a bikrugac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, childish creature; he was feeling unusually fearful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or con artist. If he had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Palin will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and expectorated. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its ego and trotted suspiciously toward him.
For the first time, Milton had the urge to run, but his hair was cracking and his legs refused to move.
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