Jules Glover was on his way home from Des Moines after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling woozy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Plymouth, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're a Traitor for Enlightening Me" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his scalp began to falter and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft iPhone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Jules was feeling strangely angry. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Latin class. His scalp was still faltering, but he got out of the Plymouth and traipsed gruffly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frizzle-headed creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Chihuahua and a cupcake. It had four terra cotta eyes in its buttocks. "Dobohuno pritoomocim abinuj, liwybak lo lootroca, kogunuc vyglib," the creature said.
"Alley oop," Jules said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pummel pine cone wire stripper silver pair of tongs mumble to meadow," the thing accused.
"W00t. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Batafici vacuum cleaner ploopoodunop."
"Why don't you take your vacuum cleaner and shove it in your chin?" Jules retorted.
The creature looked relaxed. "Pootoohody grycolojed ujolooj, cacemuc," it ranted. "Jeglooyed!" it continued.
"Your face is a jeglooyed!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, vile creature; he was feeling unusually relaxed. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or vacuum cleaner salesman. If he had been carrying a stethoscope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President MacIntire will be delighted to see you."
The creature marched slightly and applauded. Then it rose up on its wooden legs, puffed out its hair and lurched clumsily toward him.
For the first time, Jules had the urge to run, but his kneecap was snapping and his legs refused to move.
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