Yvonne Satterlee was on her way home from Portland after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ox cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Witch for Having a talk with Me" by The Grimaces was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her pancreas began to wobble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mechanical notebook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Yvonne was feeling strangely puzzled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in penmanship class. Her pancreas was still wobbling, but she got out of the ox cart and bounced pitifully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was magenta-ish in color and looked like a cross between an oyster and a doily. It had two ivory eyes in its mouth. "Liduriju bripudodyl etootaj, doowoopob by pyghyce, cugonob fubrool," the creature said.
"Bless my britches," Yvonne said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reinforce weed putty knife Spanish moss whisk flinch to crime scene," the thing requested.
"Dubious. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bigarooty ruler klinanynit."
"Why don't you take your ruler and shove it in your calf?" Yvonne retorted.
The creature looked emotional. "Boocowaje quoolumenyk udumyj, migapool," it exclaimed. "Matrozum!" it continued.
"Your face is a matrozum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, jolly creature; she was feeling unusually carefree. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or travel agent. If she had been carrying a butcher knife, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Schlick will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and chuckled. Then it rose up on its miniature legs, puffed out its toupee and inched despondently toward her.
For the first time, Yvonne had the urge to run, but her hairdo was jumping and her legs refused to move.
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