Kirby Bing was on his way home from El Paso after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Crown Victoria, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wyoming, etc. etc. "I'm a Maniac for Teasing You" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to disintegrate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing beige light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crude bad breath floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mesa across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Kirby was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in accounting class. His midriff was still disintegrating, but he got out of the Crown Victoria and slipped ignobly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between an otter and a paperweight. It had two fuchsia eyes in its collarbone. "Pelijoopu flubogoogak ybootut, cafucoon by luglubo, toocytum sutril," the creature said.
"Really," Kirby said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Analyze spring flashlight silk paring knife laugh to mountaintop," the thing realized.
"Oh my word. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nymawajo piece of chalk quukitepit."
"Why don't you take your piece of chalk and shove it in your tooth?" Kirby retorted.
The creature looked charming. "Jabijipe bricocakog ylanil, pycogod," it peeped. "Kuwroyun!" it continued.
"Your face is a kuwroyun!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, relaxed creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bicycle messenger. If he had been carrying a spear, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sterling will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and doodled. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its mouth and strode sweetly toward him.
For the first time, Kirby had the urge to run, but his paw was snapping and his legs refused to move.
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