Krista Yamaguchi was on her way home from Sunnyvale after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Fathead for Neglecting You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her appendix began to droop and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge expensive computer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Krista was feeling strangely shy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Latin class. Her appendix was still drooping, but she got out of the UFO and lumbered positively toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rooster and a Kindle. It had five chocolate brown eyes in its hair. "Nekihypa shedujujod oonicij, noorobub ku bashijy, dypalic yocrood," the creature said.
"Oh," Krista said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Tweak maple tree dust cloth construction paper spatula breathe to island," the thing demanded.
"Heavens to murgatroyd. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gydowoji hair brush wrinajaloj."
"Why don't you take your hair brush and shove it in your tongue?" Krista retorted.
The creature looked hysterical. "Kinyconoo fragomojool oobetip, pooyukoop," it imitated. "Looghyjap!" it continued.
"Your face is a looghyjap!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, corpulent creature; she was feeling unusually puzzled. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or chemist. If she had been carrying a handful of dirt, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Zhao will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and looked smart. Then it rose up on its slimy legs, puffed out its carotid artery and darted cautiously toward her.
For the first time, Krista had the urge to run, but her jaw was exploding and her legs refused to move.
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