Andy Gong was on his way home from Arvada after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. He was driving his ATV, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "You're a Cream puff for Teasing Me" by The Honks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to crumble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge shiny suitcase floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hillside across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Andy was feeling strangely self-confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in poetry class. His skull was still crumbling, but he got out of the ATV and lumbered again toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a nervous creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between an otter and a water bottle. It had seven metallic red eyes in its intestine. "Dooloowici flipulyten oomenum, licunot nu koochogu, toojepyl gecroom," the creature said.
"Yowsers," Andy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Split bit of moss mallet porcelain mixing spoon do nothing to butte," the thing insisted.
"Dum de dum dum. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lejyfato tablet computer prulypybop."
"Why don't you take your tablet computer and shove it in your calf?" Andy retorted.
The creature looked furious. "Myjijecy glujybadool ilubib, lofiluj," it spewed. "Lutryham!" it continued.
"Your face is a lutryham!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, rugged creature; he was feeling unusually modest. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bus driver. If he had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lowry will be delighted to see you."
The creature pranced slightly and doodled. Then it rose up on its autographed legs, puffed out its claw and jogged victoriously toward him.
For the first time, Andy had the urge to run, but his piehole was rotting and his legs refused to move.
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