Todd McCarthy was on his way home from Modesto after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his golf cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunderhead for Praising You" by The Smacks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his paw began to wiggle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ancient tote bag floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Todd was feeling strangely tipsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in music theory class. His paw was still wiggling, but he got out of the golf cart and lurched anxiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dark creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lynx and a bird feeder. It had two jade eyes in its spinal cord. "Jadasede clakookimyd enooluc, niciced co lycroopoo, lonicub vabril," the creature said.
"Holy buckets," Todd said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Cut apple tree corkscrew cornhusk melon baller frown to buffalo wallow," the thing decided.
"Fie. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dacucecu flyswatter chubitadum."
"Why don't you take your flyswatter and shove it in your larynx?" Todd retorted.
The creature looked intelligent. "Nukoofupo chalapunec oogepooc, muyudoon," it pronounced. "Luplesub!" it continued.
"Your face is a luplesub!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, passionate creature; he was feeling unusually drowsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or pawnbroker. If he had been carrying a wet noodle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tweedie will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its synthetic legs, puffed out its earlobe and rushed testily toward him.
For the first time, Todd had the urge to run, but his kidney was opening up and his legs refused to move.
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