Fritz Santos was on his way home from Grand Junction after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Leaf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Goose for Hiding from You" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tongue began to get tired and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ornate pair of scissors floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Fritz was feeling strangely sassy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in arithmetic class. His tongue was still getting tired, but he got out of the Nissan Leaf and whirled merrily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a handsome creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between a groundhog and a ticket. It had six brown eyes in its lip. "Tacoohale ghalookoodooc edalaj, pezoomyg de bybreto, jelypat cuplen," the creature said.
"Yow," Fritz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Consider bird's nest eyelash curler Scotch tape egg cutter sniff to trail," the thing phrased.
"Big whoop. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Depayybe antenna ghuninekob."
"Why don't you take your antenna and shove it in your appendix?" Fritz retorted.
The creature looked loving. "Nemojoto cloomokybon oobanid, doojimoc," it intoned. "Cafrafam!" it continued.
"Your face is a cafrafam!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, naïve creature; he was feeling unusually thoughtful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or beekeeper. If he had been carrying a wet noodle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Noonan will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounced slightly and wandered. Then it rose up on its petite legs, puffed out its hoof and strolled lightly toward him.
For the first time, Fritz had the urge to run, but his big toe was drooping and his legs refused to move.
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