Morris Curie was on his way home from Chesapeake after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his limousine, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Boor for Defeating You" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little finger began to turn blue and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge thick orchid floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Morris was feeling strangely somber. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in law enforcement class. His little finger was still turning blue, but he got out of the limousine and jogged elatedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hog and a flash drive. It had two golden eyes in its stomach. "Mookufoogo whoodyjogeg onoocuk, jusajik ku kywrajoo, jecuceg ciphyn," the creature said.
"Anyhow," Morris said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Return raspberry bush hole punch post and beam whisk shrivel to battlefield," the thing piped up.
"Hmmm. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dolehidoo playing card brynenodej."
"Why don't you take your playing card and shove it in your wig?" Morris retorted.
The creature looked corpulent. "Lypahuboo brabynoojul ynonin, byvucan," it inquired. "Nykroored!" it continued.
"Your face is a nykroored!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, hungry creature; he was feeling unusually shy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or grocer. If he had been carrying a hatchet, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gustafson will be delighted to see you."
The creature sped slightly and looked dumb. Then it rose up on its shiny legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and dashed gleefully toward him.
For the first time, Morris had the urge to run, but his earlobe was twinkling and his legs refused to move.
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