Corbin Kafka was on his way home from Sapporo after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling puzzled now that the meetings were over. He was driving his golf cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "I'm a So-and-so for Cuddling You" by The Pouts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to get sweaty and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ordinary painting floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the outback across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Corbin was feeling strangely resolute. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in obedience class. His skull was still getting sweaty, but he got out of the golf cart and tiptoed wearily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fair creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tapeworm and a can of soup. It had seven black eyes in its throat. "Tecuvooku krapalejed ucogab, poogylem ko guslebe, bytecok hachat," the creature said.
"Good golly," Corbin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rotate bit of moss polishing cloth gold brick blender snuffle to housing development," the thing interrupted.
"Aarrggh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tamoofipa pickle brumyjajab."
"Why don't you take your pickle and shove it in your waist?" Corbin retorted.
The creature looked quiet. "Cypehuny fryjytimeb okymup, doogulug," it crooned. "Cuwhufik!" it continued.
"Your face is a cuwhufik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, exuberant creature; he was feeling unusually woozy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or loan officer. If he had been carrying a lifesaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Winkler will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and played. Then it rose up on its amazing legs, puffed out its foot and reeled surreptitiously toward him.
For the first time, Corbin had the urge to run, but his kneecap was fluttering and his legs refused to move.
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