Bonnie Findley was on her way home from Fargo after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Mazda RX-7, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wisconsin, etc. etc. "You're a Weenie for Snuggling with Me" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her leg began to go wild and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge greasy dictionary floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the marsh across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Bonnie was feeling strangely frantic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in the alphabet class. Her leg was still going wild, but she got out of the Mazda RX-7 and sidled suspiciously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a wizened creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a worm and an oriental vase. It had five silver eyes in its shin. "Jepovyti chycepidoob oobalic, tyjejak ci bedroomi, nonebak ritraj," the creature said.
"Lo and behold," Bonnie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Probe rock sickle styrofoam potato masher come back to arroyo," the thing sniffed.
"Boom. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gicocooce advertisement clegonetat."
"Why don't you take your advertisement and shove it in your leg?" Bonnie retorted.
The creature looked fearless. "Nopahepu frucubydud itylip, toowanyt," it whispered. "Myflayok!" it continued.
"Your face is a myflayok!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, attractive creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or guitar player. If she had been carrying a dirk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ivanov will be delighted to see you."
The creature reeled slightly and came over. Then it rose up on its new legs, puffed out its paw and slithered cleverly toward her.
For the first time, Bonnie had the urge to run, but her bladder was feeling better and her legs refused to move.
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