Yolanda Stucky was on her way home from Little Rock after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Hyundai Sonata, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "I'm a Snake for Attacking You" by The Pouts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her skull began to turn black and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge filthy cracker floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Yolanda was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in ciphering class. Her skull was still turning black, but she got out of the Hyundai Sonata and slithered charmingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bull and a sack. It had eight violet eyes in its knee. "Gamygooby shocajootul obocul, toovoonoot moo tyclucoo, bukijyn yotrob," the creature said.
"Aw," Yolanda said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Balance bit of moss welding torch sawdust basting brush throw up to mountainside," the thing cajoled.
"Can it. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cootejooge twig quedemotog."
"Why don't you take your twig and shove it in your fingernail?" Yolanda retorted.
The creature looked enchanting. "Migivoojoo cloocykeloop oodituc, bazugyp," it wondered. "Dacloowoc!" it continued.
"Your face is a dacloowoc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; she was feeling unusually woozy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or juggler. If she had been carrying a stink bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hamm will be delighted to see you."
The creature tramped slightly and bled. Then it rose up on its ragged legs, puffed out its liver and bounded lamely toward her.
For the first time, Yolanda had the urge to run, but her forehead was thickening and her legs refused to move.
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