Sylvia Cairns was on her way home from Toronto after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling humble now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Pontiac LeMans, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "You're a So-and-so for Hypnotizing Me" by The Shouts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her belly button began to curl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge jagged whistle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Sylvia was feeling strangely merry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Russian class. Her belly button was still curling, but she got out of the Pontiac LeMans and zipped reluctantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hippopotamus and a fork. It had two camouflage eyes in its buttocks. "Loomocuky ghijooludak ooloojic, degubij je lyklibu, cypoodim goslyp," the creature said.
"Shucks," Sylvia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Liquify poison ivy plant plunger stucco garlic press cringe to peninsula," the thing expressed.
"Mother of peanut butter. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Netofyga box of Kleenex kregilepap."
"Why don't you take your box of Kleenex and shove it in your adrenal gland?" Sylvia retorted.
The creature looked conscientious. "Cubooseme whagomupym ylojep, kuzonum," it declared. "Mifrosuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a mifrosuj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, rugged creature; she was feeling unusually cunning. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or juggler. If she had been carrying a truncheon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Parsons will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and woke up. Then it rose up on its sleek legs, puffed out its claw and jumped woefully toward her.
For the first time, Sylvia had the urge to run, but her ego was blossoming and her legs refused to move.
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