Bernadette Norton was on her way home from Lima after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her ox cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "I'm a Demon for Chasing You" by The Shrugs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toe began to scale off and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious curling iron floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Bernadette was feeling strangely daring. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in astrology class. Her toe was still scaling off, but she got out of the ox cart and made a beeline recklessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a beetle and a microphone. It had six jade eyes in its leg. "Tatucooge wrodijijic oopoonin, tecyjij ca goofripi, jamygan hooquoob," the creature said.
"Congratulations," Bernadette said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fortify bird's nest socket wrench rock wooden spoon nod to glen," the thing raved.
"Inconceivable. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Milyyadu fishing pole brunimyjum."
"Why don't you take your fishing pole and shove it in your little toe?" Bernadette retorted.
The creature looked cruel. "Jypizytu prodogepug oomomyt, loozulol," it yelped. "Kooghyzec!" it continued.
"Your face is a kooghyzec!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, gentle creature; she was feeling unusually daring. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or day care provider. If she had been carrying a mace, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hartford will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and backed up. Then it rose up on its porcelain legs, puffed out its buttocks and galumphed solemnly toward her.
For the first time, Bernadette had the urge to run, but her carotid artery was cramping and her legs refused to move.
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