Carl Grant was on his way home from Rotterdam after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his UPS truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Dirty dog for Encouraging You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his palm began to tighten up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing periwinkle light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent pack of gum floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Carl was feeling strangely confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in government class. His palm was still tightening up, but he got out of the UPS truck and traipsed elatedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was azure-ish in color and looked like a cross between a crocodile and a jack. It had two camouflage eyes in its jaw. "Lobygopo quoomakelyk oodutoog, corydoj cu jytrato, cibikip gufroc," the creature said.
"Kaboom," Carl said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Squash acorn caulking gun papier-mâché spatula puff to ridge," the thing reasoned.
"Banzai. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gekoohipi candy bar kloopotojug."
"Why don't you take your candy bar and shove it in your tail?" Carl retorted.
The creature looked phlegmatic. "Kypiyomo phebeninyg edykok, nizucooc," it rumored. "Kyfrurim!" it continued.
"Your face is a kyfrurim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, emotional creature; he was feeling unusually brash. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or chemist. If he had been carrying a whip, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Skye will be delighted to see you."
The creature stormed slightly and got rigid. Then it rose up on its ridiculous legs, puffed out its leg and hobbled wryly toward him.
For the first time, Carl had the urge to run, but his throat was hissing and his legs refused to move.
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