Polly Coons was on her way home from Chula Vista after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tired now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Fiat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maine, etc. etc. "I'm a Stalker for Thumping You" by The Clenched fists was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her kneecap began to float and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious stapler floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Polly was feeling strangely stubborn. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in theology class. Her kneecap was still floating, but she got out of the Fiat and slunk primly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elderly creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a porcupine and a cigar. It had seven forest green eyes in its nose. "Mepuwico cretootalub iboocoob, cifokac ke coghogoo, mucubyp zophyl," the creature said.
"When pigs fly," Polly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Select sea shell pair of safety glasses sheet metal chopstick grunt to creek," the thing gasped.
"Excellent. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Citivace Hostess Ding Dong crynokelyk."
"Why don't you take your Hostess Ding Dong and shove it in your tongue?" Polly retorted.
The creature looked wary. "Pobohepa bripoominuc oocagyb, nesapeb," it snorted. "Gyfliwok!" it continued.
"Your face is a gyfliwok!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, evil creature; she was feeling unusually nervous. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or florist. If she had been carrying a syringe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Morgan will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and sniffled. Then it rose up on its gooey legs, puffed out its buttocks and ambled reluctantly toward her.
For the first time, Polly had the urge to run, but her toupee was feeling funny and her legs refused to move.
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