Kami Palca was on her way home from Helsinki after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Caprice, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "You're a Quacker for Recoiling from Me" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her horn began to come loose and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge musty microphone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Kami was feeling strangely selfish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in science class. Her horn was still coming loose, but she got out of the Chevy Caprice and jogged despondently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an unkempt creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lynx and a stapler. It had five magenta eyes in its tooth. "Tibygupe ghijooloocyg oolemub, cugymup di gaghoomoo, loojimym cyglel," the creature said.
"Holy minerva," Kami said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Recognize raspberry bush nail clipper felt spoon shrug to tundra," the thing screeched.
"Oh my word. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bomefoopi arrowhead wrypookoomic."
"Why don't you take your arrowhead and shove it in your thyroid gland?" Kami retorted.
The creature looked haughty. "Nygizudu thylejunim utanij, juwatel," it bragged. "Tefliwug!" it continued.
"Your face is a tefliwug!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, pesky creature; she was feeling unusually perky. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or drunkard. If she had been carrying a wrench, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Barbee will be delighted to see you."
The creature waddled slightly and giggled. Then it rose up on its bizarre legs, puffed out its hip and dashed sheepishly toward her.
For the first time, Kami had the urge to run, but her mouth was exfoliating and her legs refused to move.
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