Helmut Hampton was on his way home from Auckland after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "You're a Nut for Leaving Me" by The Giggles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ear began to get soft and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge prickly blanket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Helmut was feeling strangely pensive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in underwater basket weaving class. His ear was still getting soft, but he got out of the Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and sashayed timidly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blushing creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a seal and a tissue. It had two golden eyes in its buttocks. "Migucegoo phogijikej akaneb, bawatuk cu laphakoo, legekoj fothyb," the creature said.
"Easy peasy," Helmut said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Sand sea shell tire gauge onyx bare foot vegetate to valley," the thing comforted.
"Bless my hide. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coonaroone remote control clopejukec."
"Why don't you take your remote control and shove it in your carotid artery?" Helmut retorted.
The creature looked smart. "Kygazimu trakoopycit oludooc, kevapem," it voiced. "Dashewel!" it continued.
"Your face is a dashewel!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sloppy creature; he was feeling unusually peculiar. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or taxi driver. If he had been carrying a bottle of Tabasco Sauce, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Shelby will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and backed up. Then it rose up on its rough legs, puffed out its spinal cord and tramped grudgingly toward him.
For the first time, Helmut had the urge to run, but his skull was feeling funny and his legs refused to move.
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