Elsie Wolf was on her way home from Bologna after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. She was driving her armored fighting vehicle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "You're a Bum for Embarrassing Me" by The Gasps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gall bladder began to unravel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn cage floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the arroyo across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Elsie was feeling strangely tense. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hair dressing class. Her gall bladder was still unraveling, but she got out of the armored fighting vehicle and swung sleepily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a feeble creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sloth and a biscuit. It had seven indigo eyes in its knee. "Cypafoomoo crikecakyp yjipat, cawojec moo joprooma, lolibun zekryd," the creature said.
"Blast," Elsie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bleach feather knife silk spoon dawdle to pond," the thing analyzed.
"Kazow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Catoyudoo clothespin prekytybyp."
"Why don't you take your clothespin and shove it in your cheek?" Elsie retorted.
The creature looked dumb. "Cylehyco grukoototyj edokal, goojimum," it intimated. "Pifloojin!" it continued.
"Your face is a pifloojin!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, bizarre creature; she was feeling unusually dumb. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or talk-show host. If she had been carrying a Nerf bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Diamond will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and got rigid. Then it rose up on its important legs, puffed out its bladder and scampered breathlessly toward her.
For the first time, Elsie had the urge to run, but her larynx was getting tired and her legs refused to move.
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