Isaac Petrov was on his way home from Corona after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling excitable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota Land Cruiser, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Hack for Mesmerizing You" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his artery began to get hairy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge colossal toolbox floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plain across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Isaac was feeling strangely thoughtful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in entomology class. His artery was still getting hairy, but he got out of the Toyota Land Cruiser and waddled patiently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goblin and a paper towel. It had six terra cotta eyes in its toenail. "Bagosyby drutetelin obabec, nowalon noo poglula, paceded ragrat," the creature said.
"Yippee," Isaac said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"See egg shell rasp stucco meat tenderizer mumble to pasture," the thing appealed.
"For cryin' out loud. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tepoofice paper airplane grynepelup."
"Why don't you take your paper airplane and shove it in your thigh?" Isaac retorted.
The creature looked polite. "Cijozago krepalubul etugot, mojookyk," it maintained. "Bebrooyeg!" it continued.
"Your face is a bebrooyeg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, self-assured creature; he was feeling unusually funny. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or kindergarten teacher. If he had been carrying an épée, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Saramago will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its electronic legs, puffed out its brain and marched cruelly toward him.
For the first time, Isaac had the urge to run, but his beard was sweating and his legs refused to move.
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