Ida Downey was on her way home from Quebec after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling pensive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Citroen, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Jersey, etc. etc. "I'm a So-and-so for Avoiding You" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her abdomen began to dribble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge handy grease gun floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Ida was feeling strangely lethargic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in mechanical engineering class. Her abdomen was still dribbling, but she got out of the Citroen and careened needlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mare and a dollar bill. It had two golden eyes in its adrenal gland. "Datevymi pretylugik udyjat, nyfotyn da cushede, nekoolut zuthep," the creature said.
"Zounds," Ida said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unlock seed pod welding torch peanut shell candy thermometer yell to landfill," the thing invited.
"Nooo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bycyfijy clarinet ploototubad."
"Why don't you take your clarinet and shove it in your tummy?" Ida retorted.
The creature looked refined. "Jaluwoodu brilepybok ugupyl, cygapol," it stammered. "Nooclooyog!" it continued.
"Your face is a nooclooyog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, passionate creature; she was feeling unusually brash. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or huckster. If she had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Abbey will be delighted to see you."
The creature walked slightly and chanted. Then it rose up on its bronze legs, puffed out its arm and zoomed timidly toward her.
For the first time, Ida had the urge to run, but her bladder was exploding and her legs refused to move.
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