Sophie Knopf was on her way home from Shreveport after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling hysterical now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota Corolla, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Nag for Avoiding Me" by The Belches was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her femur began to wave and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge immense cotton ball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Sophie was feeling strangely peckish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Les Paul guitar class. Her femur was still waving, but she got out of the Toyota Corolla and trotted glibly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was khaki-ish in color and looked like a cross between a muskrat and an ice cream cone. It had seven azure eyes in its back. "Pybihumo protoogypyn ilugol, pagoojyj doo lodrooke, pygybug hyplym," the creature said.
"Well I'll be," Sophie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Prune tree stump jack recycled newspaper sharp knife tread water to peninsula," the thing clarified.
"Easy peasy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Penefaca paintbrush phookoolotym."
"Why don't you take your paintbrush and shove it in your finger?" Sophie retorted.
The creature looked zany. "Galygomoo bramoocolip enopug, govymum," it snorted. "Loogrofac!" it continued.
"Your face is a loogrofac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, angry creature; she was feeling unusually tipsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or prankster. If she had been carrying a six-shooter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bear will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and moaned. Then it rose up on its dry legs, puffed out its cheek and breezed sorrowfully toward her.
For the first time, Sophie had the urge to run, but her belly was glowing and her legs refused to move.
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