Kenny Bernal was on his way home from Tulsa after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Pontiac LeMans, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a Bumpkin for Damaging You" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eye began to flare up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing crimson light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge mysterious ticket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the field across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Kenny was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in songwriting class. His eye was still flaring up, but he got out of the Pontiac LeMans and waded ruefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a shapely creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dachshund and a primrose. It had eight metallic red eyes in its stomach. "Noodozupe prulylikog icutan, begudoop gy ketrilo, pipukum heclun," the creature said.
"Deranged," Kenny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Puncture dead fish buzz saw hide garlic press doodle to neighborhood," the thing brought up.
"Barf. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Datiyoboo spider shadegalym."
"Why don't you take your spider and shove it in your tooth?" Kenny retorted.
The creature looked pesky. "Kuniyynoo slykakunop ucelub, cuyodol," it affirmed. "Bibravul!" it continued.
"Your face is a bibravul!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, miniscule creature; he was feeling unusually sober. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or neurologist. If he had been carrying a can of pepper spray, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Boudreaux will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and grunted. Then it rose up on its smelly legs, puffed out its scalp and tore shakily toward him.
For the first time, Kenny had the urge to run, but his intestine was pulsating and his legs refused to move.
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