Melvin Aguilar was on his way home from Irvine after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Falcon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Slacker for Aggravating You" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his wig began to twist and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gaudy cracker floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the river across the road, then ploddingly descended to the ground.
Melvin was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Greek class. His wig was still twisting, but he got out of the Ford Falcon and inched smoothly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a weasel and a pair of headphones. It had two camouflage eyes in its buttocks. "Gidirebi floocogucud akumem, mehytoj gu lykrupa, nigimed woowhuk," the creature said.
"Huzzah," Melvin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Roll cedar tree axe copper strainer relax to marsh," the thing answered.
"Like fun. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dupasootu corncob flegyjolyd."
"Why don't you take your corncob and shove it in your back?" Melvin retorted.
The creature looked prickly. "Tunijaby krutoomoodib atoojoog, kawapyc," it added. "Puchofeg!" it continued.
"Your face is a puchofeg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, demented creature; he was feeling unusually fearful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or prisoner. If he had been carrying a battle axe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Norton will be delighted to see you."
The creature inched slightly and screeched. Then it rose up on its fancy legs, puffed out its bicep and ambled fervently toward him.
For the first time, Melvin had the urge to run, but his pancreas was drying up and his legs refused to move.
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