Stephanie Keefe was on her way home from Casablanca after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota Corolla, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Mexico, etc. etc. "You're a Pigdog for Ignoring Me" by The Jeers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her front tooth began to shrink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hideous twig floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then easily descended to the ground.
Stephanie was feeling strangely exuberant. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in plumbing class. Her front tooth was still shrinking, but she got out of the Toyota Corolla and loped primly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sheep and a cardboard box. It had seven scarlet eyes in its head. "Gacisene trotymaboog ynobij, ciyycook cy guchoogu, papotap ziphoom," the creature said.
"Ay yi yi," Stephanie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Load raspberry bush broadaxe antimatter sharp knife yell to moonscape," the thing chanted.
"Diddly poo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Madigoloo fishhook flumamijyk."
"Why don't you take your fishhook and shove it in your head?" Stephanie retorted.
The creature looked pesky. "Ginuzoopoo frenucopyk yjikeb, gehoodec," it quavered. "Babrefap!" it continued.
"Your face is a babrefap!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, jaunty creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or professional dancer. If she had been carrying a candlestick, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Diaz will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and hollered. Then it rose up on its well worn legs, puffed out its hangnail and sprinted deftly toward her.
For the first time, Stephanie had the urge to run, but her eyelash was festering and her legs refused to move.
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