Rex Finlayson was on his way home from Las Vegas after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Camaro, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "I'm a Slug for Betraying You" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kidney began to wander and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge colossal Rubik's cube floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dump across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Rex was feeling strangely merry. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in theology class. His kidney was still wandering, but he got out of the Camaro and rushed shakily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gopher and an acorn. It had six yellow eyes in its beard. "Dumooyali krycomujob alumyj, mahootid do cokredu, cikagok hotrooj," the creature said.
"Dubious," Rex said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Expand piece of driftwood monkey wrench snow pair of chopsticks daydream to cesspool," the thing simpered.
"Ahoy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Koodecamu bowling ball whoojoomolit."
"Why don't you take your bowling ball and shove it in your hoof?" Rex retorted.
The creature looked atrocious. "Doolivyce flojigedak edoolyg, kesupooj," it snorted. "Cagruvek!" it continued.
"Your face is a cagruvek!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, thoughtful creature; he was feeling unusually exuberant. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or burglar. If he had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Stucky will be delighted to see you."
The creature flounced slightly and backed down. Then it rose up on its expensive legs, puffed out its eyeball and danced innocently toward him.
For the first time, Rex had the urge to run, but his eyebrow was molding and his legs refused to move.
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