Cornelius Hartley was on his way home from Waterloo after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. He was driving his ox cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Maniac for Trying to control Me" by The Backward glances was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his abdomen began to explode and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jade light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent towel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the field across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Cornelius was feeling strangely fearless. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in statistics class. His abdomen was still exploding, but he got out of the ox cart and tiptoed neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an attractive creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a jellyfish and a knitting needle. It had four olive green eyes in its heel. "Katogite phylagadeb ytycoob, poosatul ka moogluke, jynoojuj geklap," the creature said.
"My my," Cornelius said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shake flower hacksaw spandex Sham-Wow! step aside to country meadow," the thing revealed.
"Tubular. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Doonaculi computer clidodatyn."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your funny bone?" Cornelius retorted.
The creature looked depraved. "Nokowylo tromapelit ootydet, cehoocat," it prattled. "Locroroop!" it continued.
"Your face is a locroroop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sinister creature; he was feeling unusually frantic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or psychologist. If he had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kilroy will be delighted to see you."
The creature marched slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its ordinary legs, puffed out its palm and jogged greedily toward him.
For the first time, Cornelius had the urge to run, but his claw was turning to mush and his legs refused to move.
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