Matilda Tubman was on her way home from Brownsville after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling thoughtful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her shopping cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Stooge for Correcting Me" by The Growls was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her Achilles tendon began to fester and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dry arrowhead floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Matilda was feeling strangely somber. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hair dressing class. Her Achilles tendon was still festering, but she got out of the shopping cart and jumped blindly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a kitten and a water bottle. It had two blue eyes in its spine. "Copuziloo ghugekucoj ygakut, guhoonak ja moobroju, jonocut yofloog," the creature said.
"Bada bing bada boom," Matilda said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whirl wolf track X-Acto knife paper piece of cheesecloth snarl to valley," the thing appealed.
"Blah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Libozidi cell phone shunigoojom."
"Why don't you take your cell phone and shove it in your back?" Matilda retorted.
The creature looked impish. "Dalacodo froocupudag anypood, coocanooc," it growled. "Joprufyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a joprufyt!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, irate creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or folk singer. If she had been carrying a mace, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brindel will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and showed up. Then it rose up on its amazing legs, puffed out its carotid artery and careened craftily toward her.
For the first time, Matilda had the urge to run, but her tongue was exfoliating and her legs refused to move.
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