Alexei Booth was on his way home from Peoria after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Citroen, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm a Hooligan for Avoiding You" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pituitary gland began to smoke and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge immense coupon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the plateau across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Alexei was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in storytelling class. His pituitary gland was still smoking, but he got out of the Citroen and jumped firmly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a feeble creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolf and a snail. It had six pea green eyes in its shoulder. "Megyyyje glydunoced ilodik, lyyoonid loo boklicu, koojobip veflal," the creature said.
"Eh," Alexei said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hoist cactus file wax food processor expectorate to gully," the thing exclaimed.
"Just a minute. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tanawodo billiard ball chygejemat."
"Why don't you take your billiard ball and shove it in your gut?" Alexei retorted.
The creature looked rugged. "Jikosemo whagacokool ulootoog, juyodil," it squealed. "Dobriyeg!" it continued.
"Your face is a dobriyeg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cuddly creature; he was feeling unusually daring. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or dog walker. If he had been carrying a Geiger counter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Irons will be delighted to see you."
The creature scurried slightly and played. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its kneecap and hobbled hopelessly toward him.
For the first time, Alexei had the urge to run, but his horn was aggravating and his legs refused to move.
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