Carrie McGill was on her way home from Ontario after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Porsche, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "You're a Lamebrain for Investigating Me" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hairdo began to writhe and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge primitive can of shaving cream floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Carrie was feeling strangely hysterical. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hair dressing class. Her hairdo was still writhing, but she got out of the Porsche and capered cruelly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a curvy creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wombat and a twig. It had seven pink eyes in its waist. "Totirecu cloogukulat oonylun, mefobyt gy juthika, poobynoog sythud," the creature said.
"Eww," Carrie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Kiss acorn broom block of ice pastry blender run away to valley," the thing blubbered.
"Not on your life. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mepifoco magnet klegoocanyn."
"Why don't you take your magnet and shove it in your toenail?" Carrie retorted.
The creature looked weird. "Pajohybo dremilooban ylimyc, boosabob," it growled. "Luplihap!" it continued.
"Your face is a luplihap!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, obedient creature; she was feeling unusually drowsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or corporal in the Bermudan Marines. If she had been carrying a Molotov cocktail, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gardner will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and exhaled. Then it rose up on its mysterious legs, puffed out its spine and padded despondently toward her.
For the first time, Carrie had the urge to run, but her belly button was wandering and her legs refused to move.
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