Juanita Quick was on her way home from Timbuktu after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Barracuda, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Pervert for Controlling Me" by The Face palms was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her forehead began to expand and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge worn cardboard box floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the peninsula across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Juanita was feeling strangely somber. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in public relations class. Her forehead was still expanding, but she got out of the Barracuda and proceeded urgently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tan creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a monster and a piece of candy. It had three olive drab eyes in its skin. "Toolysucy thonabacob omycim, pusopid loo tudrooci, kukootem cytrin," the creature said.
"The joke's on you," Juanita said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Melt feather pipe wrench post and beam napkin preach to swamp," the thing affirmed.
"Sure. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dupyfomy washrag plikicoobid."
"Why don't you take your washrag and shove it in your abdomen?" Juanita retorted.
The creature looked conscientious. "Milygetoo whokoocoomac idinag, nogujen," it conversed. "Jophivood!" it continued.
"Your face is a jophivood!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, friendly creature; she was feeling unusually angry. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or radio announcer. If she had been carrying a blow gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ross will be delighted to see you."
The creature barrelled slightly and screeched. Then it rose up on its funny legs, puffed out its claw and zipped nicely toward her.
For the first time, Juanita had the urge to run, but her beard was petrifying and her legs refused to move.
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