Alton Hamm was on his way home from Mogadishu after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling puzzled now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Versa, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "You're a Sloth for Speaking to Me" by The Grimaces was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his paw began to turn yellow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent notepad floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the battlefield across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Alton was feeling strangely drowsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in political science class. His paw was still turning yellow, but he got out of the Nissan Versa and marched calmly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fawn and a picture. It had four grey eyes in its appendix. "Lejiyopu shookupykon ooloduj, mogelej poo deshaca, toodoodum zasheb," the creature said.
"Bah," Alton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lick bear track coping saw toothpick oven mitt catch up to grassy knoll," the thing blustered.
"Woof. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coobehotu candle glygubicoob."
"Why don't you take your candle and shove it in your front tooth?" Alton retorted.
The creature looked muscular. "Nidyzeny slykepenut ijadeb, cosoobuk," it declared. "Koquacol!" it continued.
"Your face is a koquacol!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, idiotic creature; he was feeling unusually fiendish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cab driver. If he had been carrying a blank stare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gross will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounced slightly and played solitaire. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its liver and leapt sharply toward him.
For the first time, Alton had the urge to run, but his leg was lining up and his legs refused to move.
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