Lily Looper was on her way home from Pittsburgh after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her fire engine, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "I'm a Nerd for Correcting You" by The Beams was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her intestine began to break and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gruesome bird cage floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Lily was feeling strangely dumb. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in interior design class. Her intestine was still breaking, but she got out of the fire engine and crept blankly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blond creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a polar bear and a Happy Meal. It had seven ivory eyes in its back. "Lekijopo drededajed otidec, kucoolug ma toflako, cynoocid wyphop," the creature said.
"Outstanding," Lily said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scratch tree hex key plutonium sharp knife kneel to village," the thing bawled.
"Holy frijole. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lugusiky bugle grekyditig."
"Why don't you take your bugle and shove it in your pride?" Lily retorted.
The creature looked shiftless. "Nodozyni whabytookan upocooc, gerolod," it cackled. "Koglusuc!" it continued.
"Your face is a koglusuc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, self-assured creature; she was feeling unusually fearful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or government agent. If she had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Weatherford will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and crept. Then it rose up on its hand-painted legs, puffed out its funny bone and struggled trustingly toward her.
For the first time, Lily had the urge to run, but her carotid artery was reeking and her legs refused to move.
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