Austin Barry was on his way home from Richmond after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling peckish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevrolet Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Clapperdudgeon for Grilling You" by The Snarls was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his elbow began to grow hair and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge weird hair dryer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the battlefield across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Austin was feeling strangely peckish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in underwater basket weaving class. His elbow was still growing hair, but he got out of the Chevrolet Impala and jogged briskly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sprightly creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lark and a clam. It had eight turquoise eyes in its belly. "Deduwegoo phygodumob acugyc, powogyn ma mudripa, bimykog hachak," the creature said.
"Gosh darn," Austin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Twist mulberry tree flashlight cards pair of tongs take a bath to dump," the thing offered.
"Bless your heart. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dekoofete crayon croobeketom."
"Why don't you take your crayon and shove it in your Adam's apple?" Austin retorted.
The creature looked conceited. "Kubowajoo shujedemad imobyg, tihytyk," it hissed. "Metroofood!" it continued.
"Your face is a metroofood!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, prickly creature; he was feeling unusually queer. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or zookeeper. If he had been carrying a blow gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gong will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and caught up. Then it rose up on its gooey legs, puffed out its eye and scampered charmingly toward him.
For the first time, Austin had the urge to run, but his thigh was kinking and his legs refused to move.
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