Louis Bewley was on his way home from Kiev after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volvo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "You're a Turkey for Subduing Me" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his big toe began to calcify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent elephant tusk floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the range across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Louis was feeling strangely nervous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in computer science class. His big toe was still calcifying, but he got out of the Volvo and barrelled positively toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a meerkat and an etching. It had three jade eyes in its lip. "Cijicapo plynonacot ootymad, pysetat mo mooshijy, geboogud wecren," the creature said.
"Aw," Louis said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Label spider web razor blade polyester dull knife ruminate to mountain," the thing blathered.
"Rooster feathers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Myciyuka flower trepajoodel."
"Why don't you take your flower and shove it in your thyroid gland?" Louis retorted.
The creature looked articulate. "Bidowooko ghudagubyd elybod, girelyt," it taunted. "Josleroj!" it continued.
"Your face is a josleroj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, rugged creature; he was feeling unusually peculiar. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or wedding planner. If he had been carrying a pair of brass knuckles, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ramirez will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and came along. Then it rose up on its bronze legs, puffed out its eye and slumped glumly toward him.
For the first time, Louis had the urge to run, but his chin was growing hair and his legs refused to move.
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