Kevin Griffin was on his way home from Sunnyvale after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Vega, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Lackwit for Hugging You" by The Cringes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his stomach began to go wild and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge tiny mirror floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Kevin was feeling strangely cunning. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in folklore class. His stomach was still going wild, but he got out of the Chevy Vega and slunk testily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was lavender-ish in color and looked like a cross between a magpie and a pair of scissors. It had three chartreuse eyes in its funny bone. "Pitohaca phulajoopoop eladab, dysoomum doo niquype, junoojuc wawrok," the creature said.
"Cool beans," Kevin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Play with spring staple gun old tire pastry blender grow up to creek," the thing jeered.
"Yuck. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gimajoby dead mare trelokygeb."
"Why don't you take your dead mare and shove it in your pride?" Kevin retorted.
The creature looked quiet. "Lopucaji fribebenym udotan, gyhibum," it griped. "Bigregyk!" it continued.
"Your face is a bigregyk!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, spunky creature; he was feeling unusually drowsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or model. If he had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Velasquez will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and fainted. Then it rose up on its burned legs, puffed out its appendix and sallied forth unnaturally toward him.
For the first time, Kevin had the urge to run, but his abdomen was enlarging and his legs refused to move.
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