Parson Khanh was on his way home from Bangalore after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling muddled now that the meetings were over. He was driving his ice cream truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "You're an Airhead for Quarreling with Me" by The Bows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to break off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge disgusting tube of toothpaste floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the range across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Parson was feeling strangely excitable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in English class. His skull was still breaking off, but he got out of the ice cream truck and strode trustingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a duck-billed platypus and a magnet. It had six emerald green eyes in its hand. "Dajycicu drolucapap enigoon, koozagon gi jokledy, cupubag rabruc," the creature said.
"Drop dead," Parson said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hook tree branch straightedge cornstalk pair of tongs go limp to glen," the thing wailed.
"Nonsense. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Talooyako Bible trikejydyp."
"Why don't you take your Bible and shove it in your gall bladder?" Parson retorted.
The creature looked mean. "Jecacuje chanocutyj utenyl, doozogip," it suggested. "Mupheyyt!" it continued.
"Your face is a mupheyyt!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, timid creature; he was feeling unusually cunning. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or orchestra conductor. If he had been carrying a Nerf bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Flash will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and paced. Then it rose up on its delicate legs, puffed out its hand and galloped languidly toward him.
For the first time, Parson had the urge to run, but his throat was calcifying and his legs refused to move.
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