Fuzz Miles was on his way home from Akron after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Yugo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "I'm a Nitwit for Calling the cops on You" by The Death glares was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little toe began to get moist and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible dog biscuit floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the wasteland across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Fuzz was feeling strangely fiendish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in zoology class. His little toe was still getting moist, but he got out of the Yugo and dove proudly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mink and a pop bottle. It had seven aquamarine eyes in its palm. "Kyjyfooku pleboodonen atumit, parogeb de kiquuko, lubajood wechig," the creature said.
"Beats me," Fuzz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Spray stick buzz saw ceramic blender run away to bog," the thing added.
"Goodness me. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tojozakoo hockey puck droolicacec."
"Why don't you take your hockey puck and shove it in your belly?" Fuzz retorted.
The creature looked emotional. "Pemyfipoo frecootojon ykynol, doovilooc," it inquired. "Lidruzyp!" it continued.
"Your face is a lidruzyp!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, enchanting creature; he was feeling unusually muddled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or security guard. If he had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hunter will be delighted to see you."
The creature skipped slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its dusty legs, puffed out its knee and dashed hungrily toward him.
For the first time, Fuzz had the urge to run, but his thyroid gland was growling and his legs refused to move.
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