Norman Dotson was on his way home from Fort Worth after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Barracuda, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm an Imposter for Excluding You" by The Pouts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his skull began to come off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dirty etching floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Norman was feeling strangely excitable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in songwriting class. His skull was still coming off, but he got out of the Barracuda and ran suspiciously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a feeble creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a reindeer and a Bunsen burner. It had seven aquamarine eyes in its artery. "Pupacoloo bromoopamat ucijam, kufamac ju cikruco, megikoom wechip," the creature said.
"Ay caramba," Norman said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Curl weed protractor fur garlic press tread water to badlands area," the thing pointed out.
"Pow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Donyfiny avocado bremakupud."
"Why don't you take your avocado and shove it in your bicep?" Norman retorted.
The creature looked repulsive. "Punovupoo shugegenik agumub, moohoopoom," it preached. "Mifloohuj!" it continued.
"Your face is a mifloohuj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, affable creature; he was feeling unusually peculiar. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or dance instructor. If he had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Johnson will be delighted to see you."
The creature galloped slightly and came over. Then it rose up on its spongy legs, puffed out its hangnail and scampered patiently toward him.
For the first time, Norman had the urge to run, but his adrenal gland was widening and his legs refused to move.
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