Rutherford Craft was on his way home from Tallahassee after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his U-Haul, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Jerk for Aggravating You" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to flutter and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge plain comb floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the river across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Rutherford was feeling strangely affable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astrology class. His midriff was still fluttering, but he got out of the U-Haul and proceeded sorrowfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was burgundy-ish in color and looked like a cross between an anaconda and a chess set. It had two salmon eyes in its paw. "Kybyyecoo frylydacal uputup, pocoodyc ta pychuti, kalamuc hoghoob," the creature said.
"Wild," Rutherford said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Beat fallen tree scraper ash cheesecloth pause to island," the thing suggested.
"Yo ho ho. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Boobuhooky avocado drotoolylan."
"Why don't you take your avocado and shove it in your little finger?" Rutherford retorted.
The creature looked bad. "Lopyfuloo slumoomukyk ybydooc, losinyd," it hinted. "Joothooyog!" it continued.
"Your face is a joothooyog!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or travel agent. If he had been carrying an accordion, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bede will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and burbled. Then it rose up on its sophisticated legs, puffed out its heel and lumbered pityingly toward him.
For the first time, Rutherford had the urge to run, but his ego was vibrating and his legs refused to move.
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