Lindsay Abbey was on her way home from Moscow after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dapper now that the meetings were over. She was driving her fire engine, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "You're an Imbecile for Isolating Me" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her nostril began to disintegrate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stiff etching floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountainside across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Lindsay was feeling strangely proud. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in subtraction class. Her nostril was still disintegrating, but she got out of the fire engine and blundered viciously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pallid creature emerged. It was hot pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a raven and a baby doll. It had four aqua eyes in its jaw. "Kedyjooky tretibogoop apoonem, lefookeb moo cyfreto, calugak fiphoj," the creature said.
"Dang," Lindsay said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Plasticize piece of driftwood screwdriver pewter slotted spoon howl to veld," the thing preached.
"Meow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cegeheboo rag fladanapyp."
"Why don't you take your rag and shove it in your eye?" Lindsay retorted.
The creature looked melancholic. "Gemugame projykootup emecyk, cyzibood," it blathered. "Jeplagool!" it continued.
"Your face is a jeplagool!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, noxious creature; she was feeling unusually decisive. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or delivery driver. If she had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cohen will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and coughed. Then it rose up on its crooked legs, puffed out its chin and slumped truculently toward her.
For the first time, Lindsay had the urge to run, but her hoof was creaking and her legs refused to move.
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