Albert Bobble was on his way home from Tripoli after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. He was driving his SUV, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "You're a Snoop for Double-crossing Me" by The Puckers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyelid began to petrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge thick crutch floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the island across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Albert was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in potty training class. His eyelid was still petrifying, but he got out of the SUV and loped testily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an undersized creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a honeybee and a yo-yo. It had five crimson eyes in its forehead. "Lucusaba grimooboobok oojimook, joosopec ba mybramu, nalabij yucleb," the creature said.
"Not on your life," Albert said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Plasticize cactus putty knife linoleum meat tenderizer turn blue to jungle," the thing cajoled.
"Good golly. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Danoohuny handkerchief crilicymet."
"Why don't you take your handkerchief and shove it in your hip?" Albert retorted.
The creature looked megalomaniacal. "Kymifoda flitibapag oododym, givonib," it continued. "Jychirood!" it continued.
"Your face is a jychirood!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, decent creature; he was feeling unusually funny. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or real estate agent. If he had been carrying a Bowie knife, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brazil will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and ran. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its eyelash and sailed repeatedly toward him.
For the first time, Albert had the urge to run, but his waist was lining up and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter