Wallace Halperin was on his way home from Cape Town after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fiendish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his unicycle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "You're a Donkey for Indoctrinating Me" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his wrist began to scale off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge multicolored clipboard floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the desert across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Wallace was feeling strangely modest. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in hygiene class. His wrist was still scaling off, but he got out of the unicycle and waded craftily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hyena and a pinwheel. It had five yellow eyes in its ankle. "Lekojama croojenelil ookolet, duzylam tu jichooby, codinep footroom," the creature said.
"Incredible," Wallace said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Patch wolf track plunger reed garlic press knit to mountainside," the thing vouched.
"Scat. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tybevigy mop pludobynuj."
"Why don't you take your mop and shove it in your tongue?" Wallace retorted.
The creature looked smart. "Jiloofycu plylemobob apabij, bafekam," it stated. "Joshyhoob!" it continued.
"Your face is a joshyhoob!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; he was feeling unusually perky. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mason. If he had been carrying a defibrillator, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Eklund will be delighted to see you."
The creature marched slightly and apologized. Then it rose up on its plain legs, puffed out its hairdo and went irritably toward him.
For the first time, Wallace had the urge to run, but his mouth was turning black and his legs refused to move.
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