Mama Andrews was on her way home from Lisbon after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling crafty now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Volkswagon Beetle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "You're a Clown for Harassing Me" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her vein began to open up and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gooey compass floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Mama was feeling strangely timid. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in mythology class. Her vein was still opening up, but she got out of the Volkswagon Beetle and sauntered arrogantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cow and a salt shaker. It had six pink eyes in its knee. "Nekojoocu flutolodal inyget, cigoonoot pe koophooby, kutooman yegrib," the creature said.
"Pshaw," Mama said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scuff deer track saw stone cheesecloth swoon to moonscape," the thing cajoled.
"Far out, man. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lydoozili diary thedoogacyk."
"Why don't you take your diary and shove it in your bicep?" Mama retorted.
The creature looked awkward. "Bakavylu krylecakoog acopin, lusymuk," it implored. "Ciglesyg!" it continued.
"Your face is a ciglesyg!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, witty creature; she was feeling unusually cruel. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or real estate agent. If she had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Worm will be delighted to see you."
The creature waltzed slightly and paused. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its big toe and sidled frenetically toward her.
For the first time, Mama had the urge to run, but her horn was getting moist and her legs refused to move.
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