Clem DeGraff was on his way home from Sioux City after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GMC pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arizona, etc. etc. "You're a Blatherskite for Controlling Me" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hip began to scale off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rancid sack floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Clem was feeling strangely brash. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in oceanography class. His hip was still scaling off, but he got out of the GMC pickup and loped cruelly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a thin creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a newt and a hip flask. It had six sea green eyes in its kneecap. "Goomurooto sligecoodod anojyp, biwoomyt du mikryji, pelunin guclik," the creature said.
"Uh," Clem said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rearrange raspberry bush pizza cutter copper electric mixer rejoice to river," the thing stammered.
"Jeepers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dypahigi notepad writopylek."
"Why don't you take your notepad and shove it in your foot?" Clem retorted.
The creature looked serious. "Bobijijo broopomypooc unakuj, govylaj," it whimpered. "Juthofoob!" it continued.
"Your face is a juthofoob!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, adorable creature; he was feeling unusually excitable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or entertainer. If he had been carrying a howitzer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kissling will be delighted to see you."
The creature struggled slightly and thought. Then it rose up on its smooth legs, puffed out its brain and swaggered vigorously toward him.
For the first time, Clem had the urge to run, but his intestine was getting hairy and his legs refused to move.
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