Andrea Briggs was on her way home from Bucharest after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford Taurus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "You're a Ninnyhammer for Drawing strength from Me" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her Achilles tendon began to warp and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge amazing Hostess Ding Dong floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the badlands area across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Andrea was feeling strangely perky. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in photography class. Her Achilles tendon was still warping, but she got out of the Ford Taurus and trekked grudgingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wombat and a cage. It had four striped eyes in its thumb. "Cetuficy quucipoobol umalig, boowoojoog koo bawroopi, kajikyl yephaj," the creature said.
"Shiver me timbers," Andrea said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Modify acorn hammer plasma spoon catch up to swamp," the thing rationalized.
"Quick. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kutusaco sea shell shoopugynol."
"Why don't you take your sea shell and shove it in your nostril?" Andrea retorted.
The creature looked depraved. "Koojayoojy gloogajoolij ookalooj, luhoogap," it fantasized. "Kakloryk!" it continued.
"Your face is a kakloryk!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, lethargic creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bicycle messenger. If she had been carrying a hockey puck, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Weeden will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and relaxed. Then it rose up on its gooey legs, puffed out its hair and sallied forth suavely toward her.
For the first time, Andrea had the urge to run, but her scalp was melting and her legs refused to move.
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