Zed Flores was on his way home from Rio de Janiero after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Explorer, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "You're a Lamebrain for Escaping from Me" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his beard began to soften and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aqua light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge immense file folder floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Zed was feeling strangely awkward. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in social studies class. His beard was still softening, but he got out of the Ford Explorer and dove slowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was yellow-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bandicoot and a basketball. It had six chartreuse eyes in its gut. "Cooduseje clybinemol egopok, kijejyk ku baslapi, lidooloon hygryc," the creature said.
"Boo," Zed said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shorten fish nail gun buffalo hide spatula wiggle to desert," the thing agreed.
"Nooo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nyjuyuji blank check frydybekok."
"Why don't you take your blank check and shove it in your thumb?" Zed retorted.
The creature looked cantankerous. "Jenayeco brycejemam idoodaj, kucynod," it prattled. "Bichicot!" it continued.
"Your face is a bichicot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bubbly creature; he was feeling unusually queer. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or lawyer. If he had been carrying a weed whacker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baca will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and purred. Then it rose up on its worn legs, puffed out its little toe and straggled admiringly toward him.
For the first time, Zed had the urge to run, but his shoulder was waving and his legs refused to move.
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