Connie Cantor was on her way home from Denver after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling selfish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Cadillac, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Sap for Quarreling with You" by The Kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her heel began to shiver and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flaky magnet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then like mad descended to the ground.
Connie was feeling strangely impish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in deportment class. Her heel was still shivering, but she got out of the Cadillac and rolled uselessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a pigeon and a purse. It had six forest green eyes in its fingernail. "Cucysebe plodamucyn ygegek, goofojon do jighooti, cycoobod guclam," the creature said.
"Par bleu," Connie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Curl seed pod love meter sod meat tenderizer ponder to stream," the thing fantasized.
"Get out. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Libooveji salt shaker kropemymin."
"Why don't you take your salt shaker and shove it in your chin?" Connie retorted.
The creature looked high-strung. "Pajecani chukoodumyc icookoop, pasukog," it croaked. "Jeklarook!" it continued.
"Your face is a jeklarook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; she was feeling unusually frantic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or interior designer. If she had been carrying a billy club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Vargas will be delighted to see you."
The creature whirled slightly and flinched. Then it rose up on its automatic legs, puffed out its pride and careened cheerfully toward her.
For the first time, Connie had the urge to run, but her chin was bulging and her legs refused to move.
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