Conrad Ellis was on his way home from Córdoba after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling resolute now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Crown Victoria, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "You're a Poopyface for Isolating Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his chest began to get moldy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge old coat hanger floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then speedily descended to the ground.
Conrad was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His chest was still getting moldy, but he got out of the Crown Victoria and danced greedily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a zebra and a football. It had five rose eyes in its thyroid gland. "Kagahily prypoconad ojugig, cawejoog ba nagratu, palydod yyflud," the creature said.
"Pish posh," Conrad said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hack fallen tree soldering iron marble food processor play Duck Duck Goose to country meadow," the thing yawned.
"Say what. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mojoorooja ruler broonoomeloj."
"Why don't you take your ruler and shove it in your gut?" Conrad retorted.
The creature looked muddled. "Muderuky phelucupej otegyd, pavidij," it trumpeted. "Dooslizub!" it continued.
"Your face is a dooslizub!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, serious creature; he was feeling unusually somber. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bellhop. If he had been carrying a lasso, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Zwiebel will be delighted to see you."
The creature tore slightly and snuffled. Then it rose up on its immense legs, puffed out its ear and staggered ruefully toward him.
For the first time, Conrad had the urge to run, but his hip was shrinking and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter