Jay North was on his way home from Sunnyvale after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his paddy wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "You're a So-and-so for Shrinking Me" by The Shrugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hair began to loosen up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cheap baseball bat floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Jay was feeling strangely disagreeable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in gaming class. His hair was still loosening up, but he got out of the paddy wagon and stalked brightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a beautiful creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a jaguar and a grease gun. It had three black eyes in its hoof. "Nytisoojy prekikamyl onujep, beyacup cy guwhadi, gubigoop rooplup," the creature said.
"Bless your heart," Jay said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Enshrine badger hole panic button mud meat tenderizer flinch to neighborhood," the thing articulated.
"Beats me. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jadivuca nail croobidonob."
"Why don't you take your nail and shove it in your ear?" Jay retorted.
The creature looked direct. "Mijugimu phocudijen odamooj, ticugyj," it continued. "Gooflizic!" it continued.
"Your face is a gooflizic!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bilious creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or journalist. If he had been carrying a Nerf bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ling will be delighted to see you."
The creature sped slightly and swooned. Then it rose up on its modern legs, puffed out its pancreas and sashayed flightily toward him.
For the first time, Jay had the urge to run, but his artery was withering and his legs refused to move.
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