Joseph Kong was on his way home from Mobile after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lazy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mercedes, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "I'm a Moonie for Deceiving You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little toe began to flare up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damaged dart floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the village across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Joseph was feeling strangely stubborn. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His little toe was still flaring up, but he got out of the Mercedes and zipped blissfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frizzle-headed creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a rhinoceros and a radio. It had seven mauve eyes in its stomach. "Conyheba brekukulun oobicoc, cocuguk mu bafliko, tootilin wushon," the creature said.
"LOL," Joseph said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Certify raspberry bush feather duster lace basting brush vomit to mountainside," the thing stated.
"Yipes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Getizoly soccer ball chodiducal."
"Why don't you take your soccer ball and shove it in your gut?" Joseph retorted.
The creature looked smart. "Pileyeja cheloojodep ijecul, defamap," it moaned. "Natrigyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a natrigyn!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, daring creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or proofreader. If he had been carrying a blow gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Greenside will be delighted to see you."
The creature bolted slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its cheap legs, puffed out its eyelash and lumbered truculently toward him.
For the first time, Joseph had the urge to run, but his throat was getting soft and his legs refused to move.
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