Joshua Barrymore was on his way home from Lake Placid after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Maxima, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "You're a Toilet vulture for Hugging Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hairdo began to awaken and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aqua light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge original ice cream cone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mesa across the road, then ponderously descended to the ground.
Joshua was feeling strangely cruel. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in bricklaying class. His hairdo was still awakening, but he got out of the Nissan Maxima and scurried blissfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a homely creature emerged. It was scarlet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a baboon and a playing card. It had five violet eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Kapoowodu glookitegub oomalod, gahuteb ju michoni, doopytig hydryk," the creature said.
"Oh," Joshua said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wiggle sea shell air horn sea shell spoon run to cave," the thing smirked.
"Fun. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dadowolo hacksaw crubobalul."
"Why don't you take your hacksaw and shove it in your thumb?" Joshua retorted.
The creature looked powerful. "Cojycone krotecinik oojemid, pivobup," it retorted. "Bekrojic!" it continued.
"Your face is a bekrojic!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, undignified creature; he was feeling unusually tense. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mason. If he had been carrying a baseball bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baca will be delighted to see you."
The creature sprinted slightly and cringed. Then it rose up on its colossal legs, puffed out its stomach and scooted arrogantly toward him.
For the first time, Joshua had the urge to run, but his wig was throbbing and his legs refused to move.
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