Timothy Plummer was on his way home from Reno after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tired now that the meetings were over. He was driving his UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "I'm a Lamebrain for Yelling at You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his knee began to spread and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fancy coconut floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Timothy was feeling strangely brave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in meteorology class. His knee was still spreading, but he got out of the UFO and walked despondently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a nervous creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a donkey and a box. It had five ivory eyes in its waist. "Japyjeje slumakujut acucag, javupep ga buflalu, copyloot wuflyb," the creature said.
"Gee," Timothy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swirl fern socket wrench styrofoam electric paint mixer get frazzled to hayfield," the thing rationalized.
"Whoa baby. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Modofipi fishhook clumajucyc."
"Why don't you take your fishhook and shove it in your buttocks?" Timothy retorted.
The creature looked prissy. "Jooloogupe slanukyjot obalyg, noozajab," it growled. "Togrijet!" it continued.
"Your face is a togrijet!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, muddled creature; he was feeling unusually sassy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or escort. If he had been carrying a pistol, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Weiss will be delighted to see you."
The creature sallied forth slightly and chanted. Then it rose up on its stiff legs, puffed out its brain and crawled delicately toward him.
For the first time, Timothy had the urge to run, but his brain was swinging and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter