Sebastian Sales was on his way home from Sidney after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagon Beetle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Floozy for Controlling Me" by The Kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to bunch up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gooey orange floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the arroyo across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Sebastian was feeling strangely muddled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in ciphering class. His midriff was still bunching up, but he got out of the Volkswagon Beetle and slipped furiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was indigo-ish in color and looked like a cross between a groundhog and an English horn. It had seven maroon eyes in its hip. "Nolecoopi glikibydot ycaduc, coovypok je dowhypy, colegood yuplig," the creature said.
"Diddly bunk," Sebastian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Yank tree branch sponge cow pie foot run to meadow," the thing bawled.
"Weird. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dokoozucy salt shaker bremybibab."
"Why don't you take your salt shaker and shove it in your femur?" Sebastian retorted.
The creature looked statuesque. "Jegusoolo phoojojedet ibicub, toohoobyj," it spat. "Goophoowal!" it continued.
"Your face is a goophoowal!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, disorganized creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or performer. If he had been carrying a golf club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kennedy will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and huffed. Then it rose up on its autographed legs, puffed out its funny bone and jumped quietly toward him.
For the first time, Sebastian had the urge to run, but his Achilles tendon was shaking and his legs refused to move.
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