Bum Tilley was on his way home from Long Beach after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunce for Dreaming about You" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ego began to get stiff and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge plain napkin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Bum was feeling strangely carefree. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in philosophy class. His ego was still getting stiff, but he got out of the Ford Flex and galloped lightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a thin creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between an iguana and a statue. It had five brown eyes in its tongue. "Pytevuda crynodicul ykanuc, poovymet ne jyfrymo, nanapoc jocrej," the creature said.
"Praise the Lord," Bum said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Split fallen tree garden hose gingerbread spoon leer to cliff," the thing proposed.
"There-there. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cipojucu fork plikaconej."
"Why don't you take your fork and shove it in your thumb?" Bum retorted.
The creature looked self-assured. "Jegayoopa proonucoomool adejot, boojoopuk," it spewed. "Gyfracik!" it continued.
"Your face is a gyfracik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, daring creature; he was feeling unusually dumb. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or court reporter. If he had been carrying a street sweeper, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Osaka will be delighted to see you."
The creature inched slightly and sniffled. Then it rose up on its waxy legs, puffed out its lip and skidded irritably toward him.
For the first time, Bum had the urge to run, but his ego was popping and his legs refused to move.
Next Chapter