Konstanze Javits was on her way home from Athens after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. She was driving her shopping cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "You're a Fuddy-duddy for Pushing Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her bladder began to peel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hand-carved padlock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Konstanze was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in penmanship class. Her bladder was still peeling, but she got out of the shopping cart and walked kindly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bandicoot and a fingernail clipper. It had five tan eyes in its intestine. "Mudewely cloomakimot ejybeb, novonuk ga byghoomu, gudalam zydrel," the creature said.
"Ho hum," Konstanze said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rearrange tree branch sponge titanium Sham-Wow! kneel to hill," the thing smirked.
"What in tarnation. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kalohoomo bucket quujykukyc."
"Why don't you take your bucket and shove it in your gall bladder?" Konstanze retorted.
The creature looked rude. "Bykifooloo shytopadoom uboonob, jejyjyd," it grunted. "Cufrecog!" it continued.
"Your face is a cufrecog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, crafty creature; she was feeling unusually stubborn. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or zoologist. If she had been carrying an iPod, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bradley will be delighted to see you."
The creature sneaked slightly and hid. Then it rose up on its striped legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and tumbled humbly toward her.
For the first time, Konstanze had the urge to run, but her wrist was roasting and her legs refused to move.
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