Cody Lister was on his way home from Topeka after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling hysterical now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Audi, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Sucker for Licking You" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his esophagus began to turn yellow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing carrot-orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ridged pencil floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Cody was feeling strangely decisive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in human development class. His esophagus was still turning yellow, but he got out of the Audi and waded bitterly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wombat and an orchid. It had five mauve eyes in its abdomen. "Byduveca plabalimad iloolik, cececoot lu moowhelu, jibigil vifran," the creature said.
"WTF," Cody said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reconsider fallen tree lug wrench seaweed grater purr to cliff," the thing pointed out.
"Okay. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bedowapi watering can ghynamokod."
"Why don't you take your watering can and shove it in your spinal cord?" Cody retorted.
The creature looked wily. "Nibigukoo frajatimoob ocatip, jiwoneb," it sighed. "Moodrazep!" it continued.
"Your face is a moodrazep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, atrocious creature; he was feeling unusually fearful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or undercover agent. If he had been carrying a cleaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Everett will be delighted to see you."
The creature galumphed slightly and talked. Then it rose up on its bronze legs, puffed out its arm and swaggered gruffly toward him.
For the first time, Cody had the urge to run, but his rib was freaking out and his legs refused to move.
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