Doris Kissling was on her way home from Fontana after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling relaxed now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Buick Riviera, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Mexico, etc. etc. "You're a Cootieface for Playing with Me" by The Beams was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her foot began to shine and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge narrow ruler floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountaintop across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Doris was feeling strangely timid. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in government class. Her foot was still shining, but she got out of the Buick Riviera and sauntered dubiously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a roly-poly creature emerged. It was fuchsia-ish in color and looked like a cross between an elk and a dog collar. It had eight burgundy eyes in its dignity. "Jyjaryco brogamacooj igoonip, nysibob ba cuflake, kagikuj yitrit," the creature said.
"Yay," Doris said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Control wildflower garden hoe plywood egg cutter scribble to path," the thing spoke up.
"Holy buckets. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kedoovocy mushroom pholetedap."
"Why don't you take your mushroom and shove it in your little toe?" Doris retorted.
The creature looked nonchalant. "Lugeyatoo whicoodootoop akabid, kucepaj," it indicated. "Bighiyec!" it continued.
"Your face is a bighiyec!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, noble creature; she was feeling unusually relaxed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or magician. If she had been carrying a can of spray paint, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Boyd will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its gigantic legs, puffed out its kidney and proceeded ingeniously toward her.
For the first time, Doris had the urge to run, but her esophagus was lining up and her legs refused to move.
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