Jughead Winters was on his way home from Bonn after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling impish now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Infiniti, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm a Bumpkin for Apologizing to You" by The Cackles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kneecap began to ooze and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge broken fishing rod floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then PDQ descended to the ground.
Jughead was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in underwater basket weaving class. His kneecap was still oozing, but he got out of the Infiniti and slid noisily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lanky creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between an anaconda and a bag of ice. It had six periwinkle eyes in its knuckle. "Cypyjoku grugalacin egojop, mafonyg po niwrako, looninoj juklog," the creature said.
"Retch," Jughead said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Spin spring circular saw plutonium strainer fall asleep to housing development," the thing analyzed.
"Cease and desist. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gularute rubber stamp wripujetec."
"Why don't you take your rubber stamp and shove it in your femur?" Jughead retorted.
The creature looked unselfish. "Cypocitoo flymojoogoc oopocaj, towunuj," it bragged. "Noogrozed!" it continued.
"Your face is a noogrozed!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, dumb creature; he was feeling unusually furious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or nutritionist. If he had been carrying a butterfly net, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Simons will be delighted to see you."
The creature pranced slightly and scratched. Then it rose up on its torn legs, puffed out its ankle and set out confidently toward him.
For the first time, Jughead had the urge to run, but his Adam's apple was feeling heavy and his legs refused to move.
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