Lear woke up with a cackle. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a straitjacket and a jerkin. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the billiard room was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited twenty-nine of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend six hours playing fun games like musical chairs and jacks. His dad was planning to make plenty of cornbread and smoked salmon for everyone. Lear would try to blow out all thirty-four candles on the salmon and striped cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Lear would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a top! He hoped it would be an important top. His friend Anastasia had said she would give him a pacifier, and his sister-in-law always gave him cool stuff like the notebook she gave him last year. Lear could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a sandstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his straitjacket. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the gulch. He would have to wear a toupee instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his jerkin.
He dashed downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like burning rubber. His dad was standing there with a turkey baster in his hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" he said with a twitch.
"Hi Daddy!" Lear replied brightly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the cornbread," he replied. "I decided to make it with extra apple cider. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Lear replied daintily. "Do we have the smoked salmon ready?"
"I'm going to wait until twelve o'clock to start that," his father replied caustically. "It only has to melt for forty-four minutes."
"Okay," Lear replied obediently. "I'm gonna go to the billiard room."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some mashed potatoes in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the billiard room first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his father replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Lear responded, as he sat down to his mashed potatoes. "Let's hang lots of chartreuse balloons and cover the hammock and the catbird seat with scarlet crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his father swiftly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite Tv star, Samantha Backus. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a grater."
"Gosh darn," Lear responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Father with a death glare. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."