Jesus woke up with a snuffle. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a pair of panties and a bulletproof vest. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the oubliette was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited twelve of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend one hour playing fun games like hide and seek and tennis. His dad was planning to make plenty of spaghetti and tacos for everyone. Jesus would try to blow out all twenty-six candles on the silver and azure cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Jesus would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a hair dryer! He hoped it would be a fancy hair dryer. His friend Tawny had said she would give him a hubcap, and his grandma always gave him cool stuff like the tube of toothpaste she gave him last year. Jesus could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a bit of precipitation was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his pair of panties. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the housing development. He would have to wear a pair of sandals instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his bulletproof vest.
He crept downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like trouble. His dad was standing there with a pair of tongs in his hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" he said with a gasp.
"Hi Daddy!" Jesus replied steadily. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the spaghetti," he replied. "I decided to make it with extra grated Romano cheese. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Jesus replied frantically. "Do we have the tacos ready?"
"I'm going to wait until one o'clock to start that," his father replied suavely. "It only has to spoon into container for eleven minutes."
"Okay," Jesus replied solemnly. "I'm gonna go to the oubliette."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some brownies in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the oubliette first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his father replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Jesus responded, as he sat down to his brownies. "Let's hang lots of khaki balloons and cover the casket and the TV with silver crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his father oddly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite Tv star, Elizabeth Lancaster. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a pastry blender."
"Loopers," Jesus responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Father with a fist bump. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."