Dirk woke up with a chortle. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a pair of booties and a pair of jackboots. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the outhouse was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited sixteen of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend four hours playing fun games like charades and Clue. His dad was planning to make plenty of borscht and chocolate-covered ants for everyone. Dirk would try to blow out all eight candles on the pink and lavender cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Dirk would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a telephone! He hoped it would be a fabulous telephone. His friend Norma Jean had said she would give him a calculator, and his grandma always gave him cool stuff like the box she gave him last year. Dirk could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a snowstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his pair of booties. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the mountain. He would have to wear a wet suit instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his pair of jackboots.
He waddled downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like marijuana. His dad was standing there with a meat thermometer in his hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" he said with a blush.
"Hi Daddy!" Dirk replied queerly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the borscht," he replied. "I decided to make it with extra pineapple. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Dirk replied wildly. "Do we have the chocolate-covered ants ready?"
"I'm going to wait until eleven o'clock to start that," his father replied nicely. "It only has to allow to rise in warm place for several hours for eighty-seven minutes."
"Okay," Dirk replied pityingly. "I'm gonna go to the outhouse."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some fried okra in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the outhouse first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his father replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Dirk responded, as he sat down to his fried okra. "Let's hang lots of violet balloons and cover the end table and the dresser with forest green crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his father pityingly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite singer, Sandra Lister. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a chopstick."
"Uh-huh," Dirk responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Father with a woof. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."