Quint woke up with a gurgle. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a G-string and a bulletproof vest. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the basement was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited nineteen of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend five hours playing fun games like trivia and cribbage. His mom was planning to make plenty of mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie for everyone. Quint would try to blow out all twenty-three candles on the red and jet black cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Quint would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a smart phone! He hoped it would be a wet smart phone. His friend David had said he would give him a chamber pot, and his mother always gave him cool stuff like the flower she gave him last year. Quint could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a driving rain was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his G-string. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the peninsula. He would have to wear a toga instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his bulletproof vest.
He tore downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like Revlon. His mom was standing there with a candy thermometer in her hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" she said with a roar.
"Hi Mommy!" Quint replied happily. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the mashed potatoes," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra chopped liver. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Quint replied lickety-split. "Do we have the pumpkin pie ready?"
"I'm going to wait until eight o'clock to start that," his mother replied victoriously. "It only has to smoke for forty-six minutes."
"Okay," Quint replied gracefully. "I'm gonna go to the basement."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some hamburgers in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the basement first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Quint responded, as he sat down to his hamburgers. "Let's hang lots of pink balloons and cover the casket and the casket with rose crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his mother nicely. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite singer, Polly Lopez. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a napkin."
"Please," Quint responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a cheer. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."