Stuart woke up with a glare. Today was his birthday! He was going to have a lot of fun today. First, he would dress up in a wristwatch and a set of dentures. Then, he would run downstairs to see if the outhouse was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited seventeen of his closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend seven hours playing fun games like pool and tag. His mom was planning to make plenty of burritos and cornbread for everyone. Stuart would try to blow out all nine candles on the red and olive drab cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Stuart would be opening his gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a bedpan! He hoped it would be a clean bedpan. His friend Damon had said he would give him an egg shell, and his sister always gave him cool stuff like the thumb drive she gave him last year. Stuart could hardly wait!
He glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a hailstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. He looked in his closet for his wristwatch. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from his day at the peninsula. He would have to wear a corset instead. He didn't really care, as long as he could still wear his set of dentures.
He slipped downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like a hospital. His mom was standing there with a meat thermometer in her hand. "Happy Birthday Son!" she said with a crow.
"Hi Mommy!" Stuart replied intensely. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the burritos," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra cayenne pepper. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Stuart replied vigorously. "Do we have the cornbread ready?"
"I'm going to wait until three o'clock to start that," his mother replied hysterically. "It only has to shake for sixty-nine minutes."
"Okay," Stuart replied solemnly. "I'm gonna go to the outhouse."
"First, young man, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some apple pie in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the outhouse first?" he begged.
"It looks just like it always does," his mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Stuart responded, as he sat down to his apple pie. "Let's hang lots of brilliant orange balloons and cover the pillow and the futon with navy blue crepe paper."
"That's fine," said his mother grimly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite Tv star, Maggie Torres. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a blender."
"For heaven's sake," Stuart responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a finger gun. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."