Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Put some strawberry shortcake and apple pie on your plate.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You think today was strange...
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Have a cup of coffee on me.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- If you question a manager, you will regret it later.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are as pigeon-toed as a farmer.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You will reach the lowest possible point in your business or profession.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You will gain money by a fattening action.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Go to dinner at In and Out Pan.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Born to be wild!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Don't even consider it.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -