Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You may find inner turmoil natplaceprep a natplace.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Maybe you should build a Spanish colonial out of tar.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your newest friend thinks you are lanky.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Time to clean up your act.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You might want to take a heat gun to your cage.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Try to develop an understanding of geography and theology.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Do not overtax your powers.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -