Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will soon forget this.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- They will greet you with a frown tomorrow.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Try to develop an understanding of songwriting and astronomy.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will look suave wearing a rose jogging suit.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- An encounter with an eel may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Be prepared for a visit from a surveyor.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Put some macaroni and country glazed ham on your plate.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- The power of sleekness makes us homely.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Take a ride in a chariot!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Time to get on the road again.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -