Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't believe what you read on the internet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You will look suave wearing a violet feather boa.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Someone named Keiko is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You have an enchanting nature.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Donnie Bob thinks you're a scurvy dog.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Try selling dishes by the craft store.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You are a piece of work.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- A politician has been giving you the eye.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You are as colorless as a courier.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You should earn a degree in physical education.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -