Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You should go home.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You should take lessons in playing basketball.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Take care of your rib; no one else is going to do it for you!
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Have you considered getting a kitty as a companion?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You are probably affecting your mentor.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You should dedicate your spare time to raising Cain.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing she tells you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -