Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- It's nothing that a little megalomaniacalness wouldn't help.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Maybe you should build a chalet out of hair.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You belong in the National Rifle Association.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You may excel at diving.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Dogs think you smell funny.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your domestic life may be unharmonious.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You'll have a hard time getting Studs out of your head.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Do not give up now.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Take a ride in a Dodge Viper!
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -