Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Hugo thinks you're acting like a lemur.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- June will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Graaawk!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are reading this.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may run into Nils at a novelty shop.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You remind people of a buffalo.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will inherit a small part of a rainforest.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be on the lookout for a daring beagle.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Clio is going to go out with you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -