Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Be bold and ask Robin for a soccer ball.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- A ship's officer has been giving you the eye.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't even consider it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will outgrow your usefulness.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You have nothing to lose by embracing Jennessa.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may go along with a married person soon.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will inherit sixty-two thousand dollars and a large number of Bibles.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Do not attempt to understand this.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- It is probably a good time for an apology.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Have you considered getting a Doberman as a companion?
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -