Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Did you get overlooked when they were handing out little fingers?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Keep your extra cash in a soda bottle this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You have a will that can be influenced by anyone.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You should examine what you read yesterday with a great deal of skepticism.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You should take lessons in wood carving.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You might try a hot water bottle.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Be bold and ask Sissy for a necklace.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Better ease up on the ice cream.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -