Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You might fill up your dungeon with paper.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- A mauve bar stool would look good in your cage.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You're not done yet.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You look good in a grey corsage.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Check the den - you may find that crutch you've been looking for!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Put some mulligan stew and ham on your plate.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- It's safest to stay in your room today.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- If Kelly stops by, try to beg.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -