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Your Horoscope

 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You have a tendency to be slimy, but you shouldn't overdo it. You may want to keep one light year away from someone you know.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- Don't kiss a pony's buttocks today.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- Keep your extra cash in a baking pan this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- Take care of your pituitary gland; it's the only one you have!

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- Someone named Vicki is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Don't spend seven haypennies for a root beer. Settle for water and a serving of cabbage for now.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Now is the time to take that trip to Nepal you've been dreaming about. Leave the lemon at home!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a navy blue balaclava.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Go out to an art museum. You may discover a new passion!

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- If someone tries to give you a sea shell, you should politely refuse. You don't need one at this stage of your life.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Look in the closet - you may find that houseplant you've been looking for!

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You should consider switching to a career as a baseball player.