Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Be on the lookout for a modest lynx.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Your life is a metaphorical comic book.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Time to buy a new china hutch.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Is this the best you can do?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Be prepared for a visit from a stable boy.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- They will greet you with a smile tomorrow.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Maybe you should build a box out of lead.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- It might be a bad idea to wrap a package.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Be on the lookout for an ignoble otter.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -