Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will soon begin to glow.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Someone named Shandra Owen may take legal action against you.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Don't go coloring in Idaho for a while.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You will receive a letter from Mia Griebel.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may find inner turmoil natplaceprep a natplace.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- What you said yesterday was wacky.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You feel the need to fall back on your excitable ways.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Ask a friend for a tote bag.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Consider quitting your present job and becoming a telemarketer.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -