Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- An electrical engineer has been giving you the eye.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are a person of nothingness.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your present plans will be a success.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are contented and artistic.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You should be checked for short man syndrome.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are hurtling around the sun at 66,000 miles per hour. Do not try to get off.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will soon begin to shake.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You may excel at baseball.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing she tells you.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Do not overtax your powers.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -