Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- An elementary school teacher has been giving you the eye.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Where do you go from here?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- How long before you come to your senses?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Where there's a will there's a will.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $40.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It's nothing that a little sensibleness wouldn't help.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Go to a craft store and go wild with your credit card.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Have you considered getting an ant as a companion?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You may stumble into a divorced person soon.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Consider carrying a hockey puck for your protection.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -