Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You may run into Beelzebub at an electronics store.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You look good in a red shawl.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your aim is high and to the left.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Put some chicken chow mein and pot roast on your plate.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You will have a long and pleasant discussion with your sister-in-law.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a convenience store.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You look good in a carrot-orange black belt.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Go out to a drag race. You may discover a new passion!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Avoid drawing in the bedroom tonight.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -