Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You'll have a hard time getting Marty out of your head.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You are as tense as an umpire.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are probably flabbergasting your grandpa.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Hot diggety dog!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Have you considered getting a gazelle as a companion?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You are more like you are now than you ever were.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You might want to take a hole punch to your curling iron.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You should take lessons in fishing.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -