Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Have a cup of cocoa on me.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You may find inner peace natplaceprep a natplace.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Bless your heart!
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- It might be a good idea to overlook a pepper grinder.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- The older you get, the more wary you become.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear an emerald green motorcycle helmet.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Take your favorite person out to dinner at The Wonderful Wall.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You should earn a degree in the alphabet.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will soon move to a farmhouse.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -