Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Be on the lookout for a blogger carrying a pair of scissors.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Go outside and gather a basket of fallen trees. Give them to Sophie.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Did you get overlooked when they were handing out backs?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't take this too seriously.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will continue to interpret vague statements as uniquely meaningful.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You should take lessons in whittling.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Born to be wild!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You should study the history of Ethiopia.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You have a talent for screaming.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Bless your heart!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -