Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You remind people of a mink.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Go to a country meadow and look for a fern.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- A jacks set may be the best way to occupy your time.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your problem today calls for the use of a scrub brush.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- A cotton swab will come in handy tomorrow.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your lucky number is 775115.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your lucky number is 623764.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Beware of a fearless man wearing a flak jacket.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- An encounter with a pelican may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your life is a metaphorical rock.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -