Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Yes.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Your boyfriend takes fried eggs from strangers.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Keep trying; something's got to give eventually.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- A piece of sandpaper will come in handy tomorrow.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Pay attention!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may encounter a raven on a lakeside.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You could use a can of Ensure.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- They will greet you with a flush tomorrow.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- If you scratch a quarantine inspector, you will regret it later.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your life is a metaphorical few
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for hate crimes.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -