Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- It's nothing that a little nonchalance wouldn't help.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You became difficult because your father analyzed you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You might find a mink in your study.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- A model has been giving you the eye.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Be bold and ask Sandra for a stamp.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- How's that working out for you?
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Group needs you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear an indigo pair of earrings.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Knitting ought to be your priority for the time being.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Time to get on the road again.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -