Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You have a will that can be influenced by no one.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will inherit a small part of a pasture.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Maybe you should build a cave out of granite.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Consider heading east.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You should dedicate your spare time to meditating.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- What you said yesterday was exactly on point.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will inherit sixty-four thousand dollars and a large number of compasses.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- How long before you come to your senses?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Why are you asking me?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your life is a metaphorical ruler.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -