Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You may find inner turmoil natplaceprep a natplace.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will receive a package containing a huge dog collar.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are usually timid. What happened today?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your wrist is going to start swinging.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You are reading this.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You have won third prize in a beauty contest. Collect $50.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your lucky number is 938214.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will receive a letter from Antonio Hale.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- There is a 69% chance of tomorrow.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You have a talent for cooking.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You should examine what you heard yesterday with a great deal of skepticism.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -