Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your destiny lies in Mars.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Your new relationship is most likely to thrive at a considerable distance.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You are sober, but this is not your normal state.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Better take a close look at your bank account.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- A coping saw will come in handy tomorrow.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Consider quitting your present job and becoming a contractor.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Take your time and think it over.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Your supervisor has forgotten about you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Try wearing a pair of jeans tomorrow.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -