Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- If you soothe a rodeo cowboy, you will benefit later.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Go outside and gather a basket of wildflowers. Give them to Abraham.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme maniacalness.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Be on the lookout for a plumber carrying a bullet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Papa is going to jab you.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Whatever you try is certain to succeed.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Fabien may have called you a snoop, but don't take it personally.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- It may already be too late.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Better not put on that kimono yet.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -