Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Keep trying; something's got to give eventually.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You should go home.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Change all your passwords.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You might try a good night's sleep.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Keep trying; something's got to give eventually.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- They will greet you with a snuffle tomorrow.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are more like you are now than you ever were.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -