Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Do not give up now.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you deficient in worldly ways.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't take this too seriously.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Ask a friend for a primrose.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It's safest to stay in your room today.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Time to get on the road again.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- If it seems like fate is against you today, it probably is.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Signs point to no.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You could use a sassafras tea.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your lucky number is 665816.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -