Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Do not give up now.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You will receive a package containing a rusty cracker.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Keep your extra cash in a colander this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- What you get will have nothing to do with what you deserve.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Go to a country meadow and look for a fern.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Don't go surfing in Alaska for a while.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a tattoo parlor.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Do something unusual today. Polish an apple.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Consider carrying a bucket of water for your protection.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You have an eccentric nature.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -