Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You have a tendency to be undignified, but you shouldn't overdo it. You may want to keep one centimeter away from someone you know.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Don't kiss a lark on the lips today.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Keep your extra cash in a salad bowl this month. Later, you'll be glad you did!
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Take care of your earlobe; it's the only one you have!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Someone named Meredith is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't spend four million dollars for a rum and Coke. Settle for water and a slice of country glazed ham for now.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Now is the time to take that trip to Italy you've been dreaming about. Leave the oriental vase at home!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a maroon sombrero.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Go out to a car show. You may discover a new passion!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- If someone tries to give you a mop, you should politely refuse. You don't need one at this stage of your life.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Look in the closet - you may find that pair of scissors you've been looking for!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You should consider switching to a career as a surgeon.