Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- A pigeon-toed stranger wearing a stiff periwinkle veil may begin to confront you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Pay attention!
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- A violet wine rack would look good in your basement.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You have a fiendish nature.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- My, my, look at you!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will lose your present job and have to sell cans of beer door to door.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will receive a letter from Dax Woods.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You became noble because your father glared at you.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You think today was strange...
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -