Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Consider carrying a butterfly net for your protection.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Where there's a will there's a will.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are unlikely to make a successful career out of bungee jumping.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your business will assume vast proportions.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- My, my, look at you!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Give her an evasive answer.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Don't go sunbathing in Puerto Rico for a while.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -