Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Alex may have called you a hooligan, but don't take it personally.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Patty thinks you're a scurvy dog.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Watching birds ought to be your priority for the time being.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- My, my, look at you!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Do something unusual today. Modify a coupon.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Try to develop an understanding of classics and ABCs.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You could be a successful dance instructor.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Your shallowness may tend to make you deficient in worldly ways.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- This is a good time to paint the linen closet chartreuse.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You may excel at boxing.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- How long before you come to your senses?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -