Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- They will greet you with a bow tomorrow.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You may encounter a dolphin on a marsh.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You should stop eating corn chips.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You'll have a hard time getting Kirby out of your head.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You're not done yet.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Where do you go from here?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You are a piece of work.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- This is a good time to paint the atrium chartreuse.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You feel the need to fall back on your miniscule ways.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme sternness.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -