Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- A Beanie Baby may be the best way to occupy your time.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will look suave wearing an aqua letter jacket.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Don't believe what you read on the internet.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You would be happier at a natural history museum.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You could start a successful business selling items such as bowls, flashlights, and peanuts.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -