Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You think today was strange...
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- September will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your lucky number is 806369.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Better take a close look at your bank account.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- What you said yesterday was exactly on point.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Make yourself a smoothie out of limburger cheese and yogurt.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Excellent day for putting dollhouses on a cupboard.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -