Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- I hope you aren't carrying canned milk in your pocket.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Your aim is high and to the left.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't re-evaluate a watering can today.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You're not done yet.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- I hope you aren't carrying avocado in your pocket.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may need to start taking medications for your hair.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- When was the last time you spoke to Ashley?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Be wary of aphorisms, maxims, proverbs, and fortunes.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You may find a Band-aid to be very important tomorrow.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You may find inner peace natplaceprep a natplace.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -