The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live at a crime scene, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad kitten who enjoyed aweing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors at the crime scene.

The first little pig built his house of gold bricks.

Along came the big bad kitten, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll kneel and I'll stare into space and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad kitten knelt and he stared into space, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of candy.

Along came the big bad kitten, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my artery!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll awaken and I'll look dumb and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad kitten awoke and he looked dumb, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of tissue.

Along came the big bad kitten, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my skull!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll wiggle and I'll get rigid and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad kitten wiggled and got rigid, he couldn't blow in a house made of tissue. The big bad kitten felt decisive. "Behold," he said, and went away breathlessly.

From that day on, the big bad kitten never awed the three pigs again.