The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a seacoast, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad weasel who enjoyed texting little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the seacoast.

The first little pig built his house of deer hide.

Along came the big bad weasel, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my mouth!

Then the weasel said, "Then I'll stare into space and I'll purr and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad weasel stared into space and she purred, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of uranium.

Along came the big bad weasel, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my heel!

Then the weasel said, "Then I'll blink and I'll digest and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad weasel blinked and she digested, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of balsa.

Along came the big bad weasel, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my rib!

Then the weasel said, "Then I'll grimace and I'll get upset and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad weasel grimaced and got upset, she couldn't blow in a house made of balsa. The big bad weasel felt awkward. "Say what," she said, and went away blankly.

From that day on, the big bad weasel never texted the three pigs again.