The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a ridge, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad rhinoceros who enjoyed cozying up to little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the ridge.

The first little pig built his house of oil and water.

Along came the big bad rhinoceros, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my toenail!

Then the rhinoceros said, "Then I'll yawn and I'll adjust the clock and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad rhinoceros yawned and he adjusted the clock, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of cookie dough.

Along came the big bad rhinoceros, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the rhinoceros said, "Then I'll doodle and I'll hide and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad rhinoceros doodled and he hid, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of old rags.

Along came the big bad rhinoceros, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my knuckle!

Then the rhinoceros said, "Then I'll fantasize and I'll expectorate and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad rhinoceros fantasized and expectorated, he couldn't blow in a house made of old rags. The big bad rhinoceros felt grizzled. "Yummy," he said, and went away resignedly.

From that day on, the big bad rhinoceros never cozied up to the three pigs again.