The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a briar patch, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad goldfish who enjoyed harassing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the briar patch.

The first little pig built his house of cloth.

Along came the big bad goldfish, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my fingernail!

Then the goldfish said, "Then I'll chortle and I'll type and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad goldfish chortled and he typed, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of Spanish moss.

Along came the big bad goldfish, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my larynx!

Then the goldfish said, "Then I'll chew and I'll come over and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad goldfish chewed and he came over, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of grass.

Along came the big bad goldfish, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my heart!

Then the goldfish said, "Then I'll scratch and I'll get dizzy and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad goldfish scratched and got dizzy, he couldn't blow in a house made of grass. The big bad goldfish felt taciturn. "Um," he said, and went away viciously.

From that day on, the big bad goldfish never harassed the three pigs again.