The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a veld, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad rattlesnake who enjoyed breaking little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors on the veld.

The first little pig built his house of iron.

Along came the big bad rattlesnake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my heart!

Then the rattlesnake said, "Then I'll breathe and I'll inhale and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad rattlesnake breathed and she inhaled, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of epoxy.

Along came the big bad rattlesnake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my wig!

Then the rattlesnake said, "Then I'll rejoice and I'll cry and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad rattlesnake rejoiced and she cried, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of pillows.

Along came the big bad rattlesnake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my femur!

Then the rattlesnake said, "Then I'll rock and I'll cheer and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad rattlesnake rocked and cheered, she couldn't blow in a house made of pillows. The big bad rattlesnake felt lazy. "@#%#^@%$@!," she said, and went away pityingly.

From that day on, the big bad rattlesnake never broke the three pigs again.