The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a prairie, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad gopher who enjoyed thumping little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the prairie.

The first little pig built his house of sod.

Along came the big bad gopher, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my face!

Then the gopher said, "Then I'll moan and I'll chuckle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad gopher moaned and he chuckled, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of buffalo hides.

Along came the big bad gopher, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my back!

Then the gopher said, "Then I'll jerk and I'll suffer and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad gopher jerked and he suffered, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of Bakelite.

Along came the big bad gopher, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyeball!

Then the gopher said, "Then I'll die and I'll screech and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad gopher died and screeched, he couldn't blow in a house made of Bakelite. The big bad gopher felt gentle. "Anyhoo," he said, and went away dubiously.

From that day on, the big bad gopher never thumped the three pigs again.