The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a briar patch, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad bison who enjoyed reassuring little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the briar patch.

The first little pig built his house of peanut butter.

Along came the big bad bison, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my head!

Then the bison said, "Then I'll itch and I'll hum and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bison itched and he hummed, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of ceramic.

Along came the big bad bison, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pancreas!

Then the bison said, "Then I'll groan and I'll pause and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad bison groaned and he paused, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of carbon fiber.

Along came the big bad bison, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my throat!

Then the bison said, "Then I'll burp and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad bison burped and puffed, he couldn't blow in a house made of carbon fiber. The big bad bison felt high-strung. "Duh," he said, and went away lazily.

From that day on, the big bad bison never reassured the three pigs again.