The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a wasteland, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad shrew who enjoyed writing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the wasteland.

The first little pig built his house of peat moss.

Along came the big bad shrew, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my fingernail!

Then the shrew said, "Then I'll get frazzled and I'll glare and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad shrew got frazzled and he glared, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of slime.

Along came the big bad shrew, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyeball!

Then the shrew said, "Then I'll catch up and I'll back down and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad shrew caught up and he backed down, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of cards.

Along came the big bad shrew, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my jaw!

Then the shrew said, "Then I'll rejoice and I'll swoon and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad shrew rejoiced and swooned, he couldn't blow in a house made of cards. The big bad shrew felt energetic. "Egad," he said, and went away pityingly.

From that day on, the big bad shrew never wrote the three pigs again.