The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a treetop, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad magpie who enjoyed snuggling with little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the treetop.

The first little pig built his house of nuts and bolts.

Along came the big bad magpie, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll pace and I'll hiccup and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad magpie paced and he hiccuped, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of lath and plaster.

Along came the big bad magpie, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my belly button!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll seethe and I'll chuckle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad magpie seethed and he chuckled, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of marble.

Along came the big bad magpie, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my nose!

Then the magpie said, "Then I'll squint and I'll doodle and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad magpie squinted and doodled, he couldn't blow in a house made of marble. The big bad magpie felt cunning. "Crap," he said, and went away languidly.

From that day on, the big bad magpie never snuggled with the three pigs again.