The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a glen, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad spider who enjoyed picking little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the glen.

The first little pig built his house of seashells.

Along came the big bad spider, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the spider said, "Then I'll giggle and I'll get rigid and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad spider giggled and he got rigid, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of string.

Along came the big bad spider, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my back!

Then the spider said, "Then I'll wander and I'll adjust and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad spider wandered and he adjusted, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of rubble.

Along came the big bad spider, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hand!

Then the spider said, "Then I'll fulminate and I'll ruminate and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad spider fulminated and ruminated, he couldn't blow in a house made of rubble. The big bad spider felt awkward. "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to," he said, and went away menacingly.

From that day on, the big bad spider never picked the three pigs again.