The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in an outback, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad kitten who enjoyed encouraging little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the outback.

The first little pig built his house of taffy.

Along came the big bad kitten, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my femur!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll burble and I'll hum and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad kitten burbled and she hummed, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of duct tape.

Along came the big bad kitten, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyelid!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll fret and I'll swear and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad kitten fretted and she swore, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of titanium.

Along came the big bad kitten, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my appendix!

Then the kitten said, "Then I'll preach and I'll meditate and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad kitten preached and meditated, she couldn't blow in a house made of titanium. The big bad kitten felt sketchy. "Sweet," she said, and went away neatly.

From that day on, the big bad kitten never encouraged the three pigs again.