The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a cesspool, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad lamb who enjoyed dreaming about little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the cesspool.

The first little pig built his house of mud bricks.

Along came the big bad lamb, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my little toe!

Then the lamb said, "Then I'll calculate and I'll hum and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad lamb calculated and he hummed, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of thatch.

Along came the big bad lamb, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pituitary gland!

Then the lamb said, "Then I'll seethe and I'll get angry and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad lamb seethed and he got angry, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of noodles.

Along came the big bad lamb, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my horn!

Then the lamb said, "Then I'll crouch and I'll adjust and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad lamb crouched and adjusted, he couldn't blow in a house made of noodles. The big bad lamb felt corpulent. "That's crazy talk," he said, and went away greedily.

From that day on, the big bad lamb never dreamed about the three pigs again.