The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a landfill, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad moose who enjoyed praising little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the landfill.

The first little pig built his house of dreams and visions.

Along came the big bad moose, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my artery!

Then the moose said, "Then I'll crouch and I'll wobble and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad moose crouched and he wobbled, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of denim.

Along came the big bad moose, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my knee!

Then the moose said, "Then I'll scribble and I'll get away and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad moose scribbled and he got away, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of foil.

Along came the big bad moose, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my midriff!

Then the moose said, "Then I'll quiver and I'll snarl and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad moose quivered and snarled, he couldn't blow in a house made of foil. The big bad moose felt disgusting. "Glaack," he said, and went away pityingly.

From that day on, the big bad moose never praised the three pigs again.