The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a desert, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad oyster who enjoyed listening to little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the desert.

The first little pig built his house of paper clips.

Along came the big bad oyster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my beard!

Then the oyster said, "Then I'll look dumb and I'll purr and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad oyster looked dumb and he purred, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of thatch.

Along came the big bad oyster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my hoof!

Then the oyster said, "Then I'll yelp and I'll wander and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad oyster yelped and he wandered, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of ice.

Along came the big bad oyster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my forehead!

Then the oyster said, "Then I'll dither and I'll hide and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad oyster dithered and hid, he couldn't blow in a house made of ice. The big bad oyster felt urbane. "Fantastic," he said, and went away fervently.

From that day on, the big bad oyster never listened to the three pigs again.