The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a range, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad wolverine who enjoyed kicking little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the range.

The first little pig built his house of cornhusks.

Along came the big bad wolverine, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my bladder!

Then the wolverine said, "Then I'll dither and I'll fantasize and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad wolverine dithered and he fantasized, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of moss.

Along came the big bad wolverine, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my little toe!

Then the wolverine said, "Then I'll adjust the clock and I'll do the Hokey Pokey and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad wolverine adjusted the clock and he did the Hokey Pokey, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of Bakelite.

Along came the big bad wolverine, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my tummy!

Then the wolverine said, "Then I'll adjust the clock and I'll grimace and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad wolverine adjusted the clock and grimaced, he couldn't blow in a house made of Bakelite. The big bad wolverine felt depraved. "Jumpin’ Jehosaphat," he said, and went away tearfully.

From that day on, the big bad wolverine never kicked the three pigs again.