The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live beside a creek, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad snipe who enjoyed reassuring little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors beside the creek.

The first little pig built his house of epoxy.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my wig!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll fulminate and I'll purr and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad snipe fulminated and he purred, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of bronze.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my arm!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll grow up and I'll chant and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad snipe grew up and he chanted, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of old bottles.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my kidney!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll nod off and I'll freeze and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad snipe nodded off and froze, he couldn't blow in a house made of old bottles. The big bad snipe felt noxious. "Thpft," he said, and went away needlessly.

From that day on, the big bad snipe never reassured the three pigs again.