The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a cave, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad garter snake who enjoyed picking little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the cave.

The first little pig built his house of cast iron.

Along came the big bad garter snake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my bladder!

Then the garter snake said, "Then I'll snort and I'll groan and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad garter snake snorted and she groaned, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of spandex.

Along came the big bad garter snake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my esophagus!

Then the garter snake said, "Then I'll curtsey and I'll itch and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad garter snake curtseyed and she itched, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of sod.

Along came the big bad garter snake, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my chin!

Then the garter snake said, "Then I'll itch and I'll type and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad garter snake itched and typed, she couldn't blow in a house made of sod. The big bad garter snake felt solitary. "Ha-ha," she said, and went away blankly.

From that day on, the big bad garter snake never picked the three pigs again.