The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a badlands area, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad snipe who enjoyed excluding little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the badlands area.

The first little pig built his house of cedar.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my piehole!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll hang around and I'll cheer up and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad snipe hung around and he cheered up, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of cedar.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my belly button!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll pause and I'll whistle and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad snipe paused and he whistled, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of linoleum.

Along came the big bad snipe, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my jaw!

Then the snipe said, "Then I'll gasp and I'll pucker and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad snipe gasped and puckered, he couldn't blow in a house made of linoleum. The big bad snipe felt paranoid. "Big deal," he said, and went away repeatedly.

From that day on, the big bad snipe never excluded the three pigs again.