The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a cave, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad raccoon who enjoyed damaging little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors in the cave.

The first little pig built his house of glass.

Along came the big bad raccoon, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my mouth!

Then the raccoon said, "Then I'll giggle and I'll seethe and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad raccoon giggled and he seethed, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of string.

Along came the big bad raccoon, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my abdomen!

Then the raccoon said, "Then I'll burp and I'll clear out and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad raccoon burped and he cleared out, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of spandex.

Along came the big bad raccoon, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my toenail!

Then the raccoon said, "Then I'll vegetate and I'll get rigid and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad raccoon vegetated and got rigid, he couldn't blow in a house made of spandex. The big bad raccoon felt frantic. "Yay," he said, and went away menacingly.

From that day on, the big bad raccoon never damaged the three pigs again.