The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a seacoast, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad buzzard who enjoyed confronting little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the seacoast.

The first little pig built his house of duct tape.

Along came the big bad buzzard, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my scalp!

Then the buzzard said, "Then I'll dress up and I'll murmur and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad buzzard dressed up and he murmured, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of ceramic.

Along came the big bad buzzard, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my pride!

Then the buzzard said, "Then I'll cheer and I'll ruminate and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad buzzard cheered and he ruminated, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of cork.

Along came the big bad buzzard, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my gall bladder!

Then the buzzard said, "Then I'll play solitaire and I'll cry and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad buzzard played solitaire and cried, he couldn't blow in a house made of cork. The big bad buzzard felt hungry. "Thpft," he said, and went away grudgingly.

From that day on, the big bad buzzard never confronted the three pigs again.