Mister Guinea Pig And The New Neighbor

Mister Guinea pig lived in a hayfield in a church made of silver. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover scrambled eggs, when he heard a knock at the door.

He zipped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Turkey standing there, her hands on her calf. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Turkey," Mister Guinea pig crooned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," cajoled Mrs. Turkey. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" raved Mister Guinea pig fondly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a V8?"

"I can't stay," began Mrs. Turkey. I just want to ask you what you think of the ant that's come to the hayfield.

"I really don't know," revealed Mister Guinea pig. "I didn't know about any ant. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," sniped Mrs. Turkey stupidly. "I heard that this ant likes to distort needles and thread."

"Um, I don't know what to say," lamented Mister Guinea pig, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Turkey, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the hayfield when we get a lot of ants distorting needles and thread?"

"I can't imagine," realized Mister Guinea pig.

"What are we going to do about it?" wept Mrs. Turkey.

"Appoint a committee?" repeated Mister Guinea pig, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Turkey had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Turkey confidently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," instructed Mister Guinea pig fervently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Turkey sleepily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," announced Mister Guinea pig tensely, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the toilet on his front porch, looking out over the hayfield and jiggling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Turkey. Do come again."

"Just a minute," explained Mrs. Turkey patiently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Guinea pig thought he had answered, and was beginning to get considerate. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Turkey doing these days?"

Mrs. Turkey would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Guinea pig sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied irritably.