Mister Mare And The New Neighbor

Mister Mare lived in a hayfield in a bungalow made of garbage. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sushi, when he heard a knock at the door.

He staggered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Panda standing there, her hands on her belly. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Panda," Mister Mare comforted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," revealed Mrs. Panda. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" squealed Mister Mare glibly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a hot chocolate?"

"I can't stay," said Mrs. Panda. I just want to ask you what you think of the groundhog that's come to the hayfield.

"I really don't know," offered Mister Mare. "I didn't know about any groundhog. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," phrased Mrs. Panda cunningly. "I heard that this groundhog likes to yank cans of shaving cream."

"Um, I don't know what to say," yammered Mister Mare, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Panda, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the hayfield when we get a lot of groundhogs yanking cans of shaving cream?"

"I can't imagine," moaned Mister Mare.

"What are we going to do about it?" reasoned Mrs. Panda.

"Appoint a committee?" moaned Mister Mare, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Panda had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Panda lickety-split. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," chuckled Mister Mare tensely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Panda diligently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," moaned Mister Mare accidentally, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bath mat on his front porch, looking out over the hayfield and gasping. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Panda. Do come again."

"Just a minute," stammered Mrs. Panda suavely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Mare thought he had answered, and was beginning to get big. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Panda doing these days?"

Mrs. Panda would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Mare sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied hopefully.