Mister Porcupine And The New Neighbor

Mister Porcupine lived on a plateau in a geodesic dome made of roots. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lasagna, when he heard a knock at the door.

He marched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Buzzard standing there, her hands on her thumb. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Buzzard," Mister Porcupine contended, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," hummed Mrs. Buzzard. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" drawled Mister Porcupine furiously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Scotch and soda?"

"I can't stay," groaned Mrs. Buzzard. I just want to ask you what you think of the phantom that's come to the plateau.

"I really don't know," intimated Mister Porcupine. "I didn't know about any phantom. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," piped up Mrs. Buzzard boldly. "I heard that this phantom likes to whack whoopee cushions."

"Um, I don't know what to say," thought Mister Porcupine, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Buzzard, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the plateau when we get a lot of phantoms whacking whoopee cushions?"

"I can't imagine," smirked Mister Porcupine.

"What are we going to do about it?" hinted Mrs. Buzzard.

"Appoint a committee?" uttered Mister Porcupine, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Buzzard had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Buzzard automatically. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," appealed Mister Porcupine silently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Buzzard reluctantly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," nattered Mister Porcupine smoothly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bed on his front porch, looking out over the plateau and waking up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Buzzard. Do come again."

"Just a minute," yelled Mrs. Buzzard unnaturally. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Porcupine thought he had answered, and was beginning to get poised. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Buzzard doing these days?"

Mrs. Buzzard would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Porcupine sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied jokingly.