Mister Alligator And The New Neighbor

Mister Alligator lived in a dumpster in a stinky shack made of moss. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hash, when he heard a knock at the door.

He tiptoed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Polar bear standing there, her hands on her finger. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Polar bear," Mister Alligator yammered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," purred Mrs. Polar bear. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" phrased Mister Alligator silently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Alka-Seltzer?"

"I can't stay," groveled Mrs. Polar bear. I just want to ask you what you think of the moose that's come to the dumpster.

"I really don't know," belched Mister Alligator. "I didn't know about any moose. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," whimpered Mrs. Polar bear stupidly. "I heard that this moose likes to twist sea shells."

"Um, I don't know what to say," enunciated Mister Alligator, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Polar bear, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the dumpster when we get a lot of moose twisting sea shells?"

"I can't imagine," squealed Mister Alligator.

"What are we going to do about it?" began Mrs. Polar bear.

"Appoint a committee?" quoted Mister Alligator, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Polar bear had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Polar bear ingeniously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," swore Mister Alligator thoughtfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Polar bear anxiously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," cackled Mister Alligator violently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the coffee table on his front porch, looking out over the dumpster and squinting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Polar bear. Do come again."

"Just a minute," maintained Mrs. Polar bear roughly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Alligator thought he had answered, and was beginning to get freakish. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Polar bear doing these days?"

Mrs. Polar bear would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Alligator sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied needlessly.