Mister Gerbil And The New Neighbor

Mister Gerbil lived on a grassy knoll in a junk car made of taffy. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lobster, when he heard a knock at the door.

He paraded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Ape standing there, her hands on her toupee. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Ape," Mister Gerbil rambled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," pointed out Mrs. Ape. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" disputed Mister Gerbil defiantly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of fruit punch?"

"I can't stay," panted Mrs. Ape. I just want to ask you what you think of the swan that's come to the grassy knoll.

"I really don't know," sighed Mister Gerbil. "I didn't know about any swan. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," revealed Mrs. Ape glibly. "I heard that this swan likes to roast dog biscuits."

"Um, I don't know what to say," chanted Mister Gerbil, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Ape, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassy knoll when we get a lot of swans roasting dog biscuits?"

"I can't imagine," observed Mister Gerbil.

"What are we going to do about it?" worried Mrs. Ape.

"Appoint a committee?" quoted Mister Gerbil, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Ape had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Ape pityingly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," lectured Mister Gerbil unnaturally, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Ape patiently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," fretted Mister Gerbil fiercely, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bathtub on his front porch, looking out over the grassy knoll and doing nothing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Ape. Do come again."

"Just a minute," brought up Mrs. Ape nervously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Gerbil thought he had answered, and was beginning to get repulsive. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Ape doing these days?"

Mrs. Ape would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Gerbil sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied carefully.