Miss Airedale And The New Neighbor

Miss Airedale lived in a gulch in a homeless shelter made of spandex. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tortillas, when she heard a knock at the door.

She hopped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Dachshund standing there, her hands on her rib. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Dachshund," Miss Airedale asserted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," thought Mrs. Dachshund. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" affirmed Miss Airedale bitterly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bloody Mary?"

"I can't stay," provoked Mrs. Dachshund. I just want to ask you what you think of the crocodile that's come to the gulch.

"I really don't know," urged Miss Airedale. "I didn't know about any crocodile. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," fumed Mrs. Dachshund numbly. "I heard that this crocodile likes to tweak church keys."

"Um, I don't know what to say," groveled Miss Airedale, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Dachshund, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the gulch when we get a lot of crocodiles tweaking church keys?"

"I can't imagine," begged Miss Airedale.

"What are we going to do about it?" railed Mrs. Dachshund.

"Appoint a committee?" yawned Miss Airedale, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Dachshund had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Dachshund menacingly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," hinted Miss Airedale fondly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Dachshund neatly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," sniffed Miss Airedale grudgingly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the dresser on her front porch, looking out over the gulch and freaking out. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Dachshund. Do come again."

"Just a minute," answered Mrs. Dachshund again. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Airedale thought she had answered, and was beginning to get modest. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Dachshund doing these days?"

Mrs. Dachshund would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Airedale sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied fearlessly.