Miss Partridge And The New Neighbor

Miss Partridge lived in a landfill in a crypt made of ribbons. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lobster bisque, when she heard a knock at the door.

She swung to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Salamander standing there, his hands on his toupee. "How nice to see you, Mister Salamander," Miss Partridge chattered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," contended Mister Salamander. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" trumpeted Miss Partridge accidentally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a gin sour?"

"I can't stay," sighed Mister Salamander. I just want to ask you what you think of the badger that's come to the landfill.

"I really don't know," declaimed Miss Partridge. "I didn't know about any badger. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," phrased Mister Salamander irritably. "I heard that this badger likes to prune coins."

"Um, I don't know what to say," tittered Miss Partridge, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Salamander, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the landfill when we get a lot of badgers pruning coins?"

"I can't imagine," spoke up Miss Partridge.

"What are we going to do about it?" enunciated Mister Salamander.

"Appoint a committee?" pronounced Miss Partridge, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Salamander had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Salamander sharply. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," complained Miss Partridge smoothly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Salamander shyly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," suggested Miss Partridge admiringly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the catbird seat on her front porch, looking out over the landfill and swearing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Salamander. Do come again."

"Just a minute," stuttered Mister Salamander demurely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Partridge thought she had answered, and was beginning to get self-assured. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Salamander doing these days?"

Mister Salamander would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Partridge sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied diligently.