Miss Moose And The New Neighbor

Miss Moose lived on a veld in a chapel made of peanut shells. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover oyster on the half-shell, when she heard a knock at the door.

She lurched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Newt standing there, her hands on her artery. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Newt," Miss Moose brought up, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," jeered Mrs. Newt. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" groveled Miss Moose calmly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a can of Ensure?"

"I can't stay," mused Mrs. Newt. I just want to ask you what you think of the Chihuahua that's come to the veld.

"I really don't know," wondered Miss Moose. "I didn't know about any Chihuahua. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," implored Mrs. Newt neatly. "I heard that this Chihuahua likes to bake spiders."

"Um, I don't know what to say," spouted Miss Moose, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Newt, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the veld when we get a lot of Chihuahuas baking spiders?"

"I can't imagine," bawled Miss Moose.

"What are we going to do about it?" spouted Mrs. Newt.

"Appoint a committee?" instructed Miss Moose, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Newt had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Newt unabashedly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," thought Miss Moose uneasily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Newt tensely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," grunted Miss Moose busily, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the ping-pong table on her front porch, looking out over the veld and nodding. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Newt. Do come again."

"Just a minute," nattered Mrs. Newt cheerfully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Moose thought she had answered, and was beginning to get tense. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Newt doing these days?"

Mrs. Newt would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Moose sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied intensely.