Miss Aardvark And The New Neighbor

Miss Aardvark lived in a briar patch in a junk car made of sewage. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover shrimp, when she heard a knock at the door.

She crawled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Yeti standing there, his hands on his pituitary gland. "How nice to see you, Mister Yeti," Miss Aardvark squawked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," concluded Mister Yeti. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" shuddered Miss Aardvark fondly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a whiskey sour?"

"I can't stay," divulged Mister Yeti. I just want to ask you what you think of the goat that's come to the briar patch.

"I really don't know," declaimed Miss Aardvark. "I didn't know about any goat. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," opined Mister Yeti caustically. "I heard that this goat likes to strip chess sets."

"Um, I don't know what to say," scoffed Miss Aardvark, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Yeti, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the briar patch when we get a lot of goats stripping chess sets?"

"I can't imagine," railed Miss Aardvark.

"What are we going to do about it?" provoked Mister Yeti.

"Appoint a committee?" breathed Miss Aardvark, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Yeti had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Yeti noisily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," pronounced Miss Aardvark pityingly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Yeti irritably. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," snarled Miss Aardvark shyly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bookcase on her front porch, looking out over the briar patch and giggling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Yeti. Do come again."

"Just a minute," panted Mister Yeti dolefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Aardvark thought she had answered, and was beginning to get dark. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Yeti doing these days?"

Mister Yeti would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Aardvark sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied fondly.