Mister Ant And The New Neighbor

Mister Ant lived on a battlefield in a brownstone made of matchsticks. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chopped liver, when he heard a knock at the door.

He went to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Garter snake standing there, his hands on his brain. "How nice to see you, Mister Garter snake," Mister Ant wept, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," imitated Mister Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" bawled Mister Ant neatly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a tonic?"

"I can't stay," sniped Mister Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the manatee that's come to the battlefield.

"I really don't know," griped Mister Ant. "I didn't know about any manatee. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," complained Mister Garter snake gracefully. "I heard that this manatee likes to refurbish screwdrivers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," rambled Mister Ant, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the battlefield when we get a lot of manatees refurbishing screwdrivers?"

"I can't imagine," explained Mister Ant.

"What are we going to do about it?" proposed Mister Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" questioned Mister Ant, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Garter snake brashly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," alleged Mister Ant thoughtfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Garter snake silently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," called Mister Ant impatiently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the armoire on his front porch, looking out over the battlefield and drooling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," requested Mister Garter snake narrowly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ant thought he had answered, and was beginning to get diabolical. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Garter snake doing these days?"

Mister Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ant sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied sarcastically.