Mister Kitty And The New Neighbor

Mister Kitty lived on a tundra in a subway tunnel made of cold rolled steel. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover prime rib, when he heard a knock at the door.

He stalked to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Louse standing there, her hands on her jaw. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Louse," Mister Kitty persisted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," laughed Mrs. Louse. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" guessed Mister Kitty kindly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of eggnog?"

"I can't stay," wailed Mrs. Louse. I just want to ask you what you think of the cougar that's come to the tundra.

"I really don't know," quavered Mister Kitty. "I didn't know about any cougar. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," howled Mrs. Louse effortlessly. "I heard that this cougar likes to brandish oriental vases."

"Um, I don't know what to say," warbled Mister Kitty, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Louse, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the tundra when we get a lot of cougars brandishing oriental vases?"

"I can't imagine," added Mister Kitty.

"What are we going to do about it?" blubbered Mrs. Louse.

"Appoint a committee?" contended Mister Kitty, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Louse had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Louse bitterly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," breathed Mister Kitty gratefully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Louse daintily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," grunted Mister Kitty excitedly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the coat rack on his front porch, looking out over the tundra and relaxing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Louse. Do come again."

"Just a minute," vowed Mrs. Louse sagely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Kitty thought he had answered, and was beginning to get sincere. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Louse doing these days?"

Mrs. Louse would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Kitty sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied breathlessly.