Miss Louse And The New Neighbor

Miss Louse lived on a ridge in a wigwam made of nuts and bolts. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover Hamburger Helper, when she heard a knock at the door.

She strode to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Cocker spaniel standing there, his hands on his ego. "How nice to see you, Mister Cocker spaniel," Miss Louse roared, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," blustered Mister Cocker spaniel. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" pronounced Miss Louse awkwardly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a milkshake?"

"I can't stay," retorted Mister Cocker spaniel. I just want to ask you what you think of the toad that's come to the ridge.

"I really don't know," tittered Miss Louse. "I didn't know about any toad. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," continued Mister Cocker spaniel gingerly. "I heard that this toad likes to expand baskets."

"Um, I don't know what to say," brought up Miss Louse, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Cocker spaniel, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the ridge when we get a lot of toads expanding baskets?"

"I can't imagine," spewed Miss Louse.

"What are we going to do about it?" boasted Mister Cocker spaniel.

"Appoint a committee?" shuddered Miss Louse, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Cocker spaniel had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Cocker spaniel daintily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," snarled Miss Louse gratefully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Cocker spaniel bitterly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," sniffed Miss Louse courteously, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the umbrella stand on her front porch, looking out over the ridge and screeching. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Cocker spaniel. Do come again."

"Just a minute," croaked Mister Cocker spaniel ingeniously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Louse thought she had answered, and was beginning to get sexy. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Cocker spaniel doing these days?"

Mister Cocker spaniel would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Louse sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied hysterically.