Mister Louse And The New Neighbor

Mister Louse lived in a field in a brownstone made of epoxy. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sushi, when he heard a knock at the door.

He straggled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Gnu standing there, her hands on her rib. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Gnu," Mister Louse harangued, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," repeated Mrs. Gnu. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" concluded Mister Louse woefully, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a root beer?"

"I can't stay," whimpered Mrs. Gnu. I just want to ask you what you think of the hermit crab that's come to the field.

"I really don't know," sputtered Mister Louse. "I didn't know about any hermit crab. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," wondered Mrs. Gnu violently. "I heard that this hermit crab likes to punch stopwatches."

"Um, I don't know what to say," cried Mister Louse, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Gnu, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the field when we get a lot of hermit crabs punching stopwatches?"

"I can't imagine," groveled Mister Louse.

"What are we going to do about it?" squeaked Mrs. Gnu.

"Appoint a committee?" affirmed Mister Louse, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Gnu had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Gnu glibly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," retorted Mister Louse sharply, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Gnu nervously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," analyzed Mister Louse warily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the overstuffed chair on his front porch, looking out over the field and nodding off. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Gnu. Do come again."

"Just a minute," spoke up Mrs. Gnu firmly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Louse thought he had answered, and was beginning to get comely. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Gnu doing these days?"

Mrs. Gnu would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Louse sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied despondently.