Miss Buzzard And The New Neighbor

Miss Buzzard lived on a mountaintop in a studio made of marbles. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover country glazed ham, when she heard a knock at the door.

She sidled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Worm standing there, her hands on her adrenal gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Worm," Miss Buzzard fantasized, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," screamed Mrs. Worm. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" spoke up Miss Buzzard craftily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"I can't stay," babbled Mrs. Worm. I just want to ask you what you think of the dolphin that's come to the mountaintop.

"I really don't know," fretted Miss Buzzard. "I didn't know about any dolphin. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," suggested Mrs. Worm later. "I heard that this dolphin likes to submerse grease guns."

"Um, I don't know what to say," added Miss Buzzard, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Worm, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountaintop when we get a lot of dolphins submersing grease guns?"

"I can't imagine," maintained Miss Buzzard.

"What are we going to do about it?" divulged Mrs. Worm.

"Appoint a committee?" blathered Miss Buzzard, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Worm had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Worm blankly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," interrupted Miss Buzzard tenderly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Worm violently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reminded Miss Buzzard reluctantly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the dishwasher on her front porch, looking out over the mountaintop and puffing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Worm. Do come again."

"Just a minute," peeped Mrs. Worm coldly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Buzzard thought she had answered, and was beginning to get eccentric. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Worm doing these days?"

Mrs. Worm would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Buzzard sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied dolefully.