Mister Opossum And The New Neighbor

Mister Opossum lived at a dump in an apartment made of Velcro. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lasagna, when he heard a knock at the door.

He proceeded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Guinea pig standing there, his hands on his palm. "How nice to see you, Mister Guinea pig," Mister Opossum whined, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," rationalized Mister Guinea pig. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" mumbled Mister Opossum pitifully, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of buttermilk?"

"I can't stay," quoted Mister Guinea pig. I just want to ask you what you think of the jackal that's come to the dump.

"I really don't know," amended Mister Opossum. "I didn't know about any jackal. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," jeered Mister Guinea pig thankfully. "I heard that this jackal likes to burn teacups."

"Um, I don't know what to say," exclaimed Mister Opossum, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Guinea pig, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the dump when we get a lot of jackals burning teacups?"

"I can't imagine," screeched Mister Opossum.

"What are we going to do about it?" spouted Mister Guinea pig.

"Appoint a committee?" maintained Mister Opossum, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Guinea pig had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Guinea pig doubtfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," lectured Mister Opossum obediently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Guinea pig despondently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," drawled Mister Opossum impatiently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the nightstand on his front porch, looking out over the dump and clapping. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Guinea pig. Do come again."

"Just a minute," emphasized Mister Guinea pig sourly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Opossum thought he had answered, and was beginning to get decent. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Guinea pig doing these days?"

Mister Guinea pig would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Opossum sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied bitterly.