Miss Crab And The New Neighbor

Miss Crab lived on a prairie in a parsonage made of Velcro. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover refried beans, when she heard a knock at the door.

She lurched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Worm standing there, his hands on his antenna. "How nice to see you, Mister Worm," Miss Crab responded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," wailed Mister Worm. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" spouted Miss Crab offhandedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Sangría?"

"I can't stay," groaned Mister Worm. I just want to ask you what you think of the dodo bird that's come to the prairie.

"I really don't know," peeped Miss Crab. "I didn't know about any dodo bird. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," wept Mister Worm unnaturally. "I heard that this dodo bird likes to understand candy bars."

"Um, I don't know what to say," retorted Miss Crab, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Worm, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the prairie when we get a lot of dodo birds understanding candy bars?"

"I can't imagine," vouched Miss Crab.

"What are we going to do about it?" judged Mister Worm.

"Appoint a committee?" fantasized Miss Crab, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Worm had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Worm delicately. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," lectured Miss Crab impatiently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Worm fiercely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," asked Miss Crab doubtfully, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the display case on her front porch, looking out over the prairie and bawling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Worm. Do come again."

"Just a minute," snarled Mister Worm blissfully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Crab thought she had answered, and was beginning to get conceited. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Worm doing these days?"

Mister Worm would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Crab sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied despondently.