Miss Badger And The New Neighbor

Miss Badger lived in a landfill in a chateau made of buffalo hides. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover clam chowder, when she heard a knock at the door.

She sped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Hog standing there, his hands on his hoof. "How nice to see you, Mister Hog," Miss Badger howled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," whimpered Mister Hog. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" remarked Miss Badger blindly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a rum and Coke?"

"I can't stay," blurted Mister Hog. I just want to ask you what you think of the wallaby that's come to the landfill.

"I really don't know," conversed Miss Badger. "I didn't know about any wallaby. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," spewed Mister Hog cruelly. "I heard that this wallaby likes to stain Tasers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," purred Miss Badger, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Hog, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the landfill when we get a lot of wallabies staining Tasers?"

"I can't imagine," called Miss Badger.

"What are we going to do about it?" affirmed Mister Hog.

"Appoint a committee?" sneered Miss Badger, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Hog had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Hog resignedly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," amended Miss Badger smoothly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Hog peevishly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," pronounced Miss Badger fiercely, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the ironing board on her front porch, looking out over the landfill and squinting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Hog. Do come again."

"Just a minute," exploded Mister Hog wildly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Badger thought she had answered, and was beginning to get petulant. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Hog doing these days?"

Mister Hog would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Badger sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied strangely.