Miss Tapeworm And The New Neighbor

Miss Tapeworm lived at a lakeside in a hovel made of balsa. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover biscuits and gravy, when she heard a knock at the door.

She tiptoed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Panda standing there, his hands on his stomach. "How nice to see you, Mister Panda," Miss Tapeworm professed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," conversed Mister Panda. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" appealed Miss Tapeworm temperamentally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an old fashioned?"

"I can't stay," laughed Mister Panda. I just want to ask you what you think of the warthog that's come to the lakeside.

"I really don't know," burbled Miss Tapeworm. "I didn't know about any warthog. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," acknowledged Mister Panda tenderly. "I heard that this warthog likes to comprehend model airplanes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," screamed Miss Tapeworm, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Panda, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the lakeside when we get a lot of warthogs comprehending model airplanes?"

"I can't imagine," blubbered Miss Tapeworm.

"What are we going to do about it?" emphasized Mister Panda.

"Appoint a committee?" boomed Miss Tapeworm, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Panda had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Panda wryly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," vowed Miss Tapeworm demurely, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Panda timidly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," stated Miss Tapeworm calmly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the overstuffed chair on her front porch, looking out over the lakeside and bawling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Panda. Do come again."

"Just a minute," growled Mister Panda craftily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Tapeworm thought she had answered, and was beginning to get refined. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Panda doing these days?"

Mister Panda would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Tapeworm sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied uselessly.