Mister Ostrich And The New Neighbor

Mister Ostrich lived in a cesspool in an igloo made of cellophane. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover crumb cake, when he heard a knock at the door.

He strode to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Tapeworm standing there, his hands on his finger. "How nice to see you, Mister Tapeworm," Mister Ostrich concluded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," sneered Mister Tapeworm. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" maintained Mister Ostrich vacantly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of Kool-Aid?"

"I can't stay," explained Mister Tapeworm. I just want to ask you what you think of the buffalo that's come to the cesspool.

"I really don't know," sobbed Mister Ostrich. "I didn't know about any buffalo. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," asked Mister Tapeworm charmingly. "I heard that this buffalo likes to hook dictionaries."

"Um, I don't know what to say," taunted Mister Ostrich, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Tapeworm, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cesspool when we get a lot of buffalo hooking dictionaries?"

"I can't imagine," winked Mister Ostrich.

"What are we going to do about it?" whimpered Mister Tapeworm.

"Appoint a committee?" boasted Mister Ostrich, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Tapeworm had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Tapeworm nervously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," groaned Mister Ostrich reluctantly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Tapeworm patiently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," blathered Mister Ostrich suspiciously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the cupboard on his front porch, looking out over the cesspool and blanking out. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Tapeworm. Do come again."

"Just a minute," offered Mister Tapeworm hastily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ostrich thought he had answered, and was beginning to get haggard. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Tapeworm doing these days?"

Mister Tapeworm would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ostrich sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied vigorously.