Mister Partridge And The New Neighbor

Mister Partridge lived on a mesa in a spa made of dirt. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover steak, when he heard a knock at the door.

He skidded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Ass standing there, his hands on his foot. "How nice to see you, Mister Ass," Mister Partridge hissed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," giggled Mister Ass. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" reasoned Mister Partridge frenetically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"I can't stay," boasted Mister Ass. I just want to ask you what you think of the hermit crab that's come to the mesa.

"I really don't know," croaked Mister Partridge. "I didn't know about any hermit crab. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," comforted Mister Ass openly. "I heard that this hermit crab likes to wax pieces of paper."

"Um, I don't know what to say," guessed Mister Partridge, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Ass, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mesa when we get a lot of hermit crabs waxing pieces of paper?"

"I can't imagine," groaned Mister Partridge.

"What are we going to do about it?" suggested Mister Ass.

"Appoint a committee?" snarled Mister Partridge, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Ass had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Ass shakily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," moaned Mister Partridge anxiously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Ass strictly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," maintained Mister Partridge delicately, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the display case on his front porch, looking out over the mesa and puckering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Ass. Do come again."

"Just a minute," cried Mister Ass woodenly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Partridge thought he had answered, and was beginning to get friendly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Ass doing these days?"

Mister Ass would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Partridge sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied reluctantly.