Mister Warthog And The New Neighbor

Mister Warthog lived on a hillside in a ranch house made of thatch. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover waffles, when he heard a knock at the door.

He danced to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Tarantula standing there, his hands on his eye. "How nice to see you, Mister Tarantula," Mister Warthog prattled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," professed Mister Tarantula. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" chuckled Mister Warthog cruelly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a V8?"

"I can't stay," wondered Mister Tarantula. I just want to ask you what you think of the moose that's come to the hillside.

"I really don't know," tittered Mister Warthog. "I didn't know about any moose. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," sighed Mister Tarantula brashly. "I heard that this moose likes to grapple billfolds."

"Um, I don't know what to say," lamented Mister Warthog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Tarantula, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the hillside when we get a lot of moose grappling billfolds?"

"I can't imagine," implored Mister Warthog.

"What are we going to do about it?" peeped Mister Tarantula.

"Appoint a committee?" answered Mister Warthog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Tarantula had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Tarantula blankly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," noted Mister Warthog admiringly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Tarantula wryly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," yelped Mister Warthog gruffly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bookshelf on his front porch, looking out over the hillside and awakening. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Tarantula. Do come again."

"Just a minute," interrupted Mister Tarantula sheepishly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Warthog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get sinister. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Tarantula doing these days?"

Mister Tarantula would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Warthog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied tearfully.