Mister Raccoon And The New Neighbor

Mister Raccoon lived in a jungle in a boxcar made of bones. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tofu, when he heard a knock at the door.

He tiptoed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Wolf standing there, her hands on her abdomen. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Wolf," Mister Raccoon prattled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," prattled Mrs. Wolf. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" trumpeted Mister Raccoon sarcastically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a gimlet?"

"I can't stay," requested Mrs. Wolf. I just want to ask you what you think of the lovebird that's come to the jungle.

"I really don't know," complained Mister Raccoon. "I didn't know about any lovebird. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," fretted Mrs. Wolf madly. "I heard that this lovebird likes to hoist accordions."

"Um, I don't know what to say," said Mister Raccoon, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Wolf, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the jungle when we get a lot of lovebirds hoisting accordions?"

"I can't imagine," sniped Mister Raccoon.

"What are we going to do about it?" declaimed Mrs. Wolf.

"Appoint a committee?" said Mister Raccoon, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Wolf had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Wolf merrily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," spewed Mister Raccoon hungrily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Wolf solemnly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," maintained Mister Raccoon cheerfully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bookshelf on his front porch, looking out over the jungle and getting away. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Wolf. Do come again."

"Just a minute," concluded Mrs. Wolf languidly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Raccoon thought he had answered, and was beginning to get intense. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Wolf doing these days?"

Mrs. Wolf would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Raccoon sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied viciously.