Miss Unicorn And The New Neighbor

Miss Unicorn lived in a canyon in a duplex made of nylon. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover smoked salmon, when she heard a knock at the door.

She dashed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Gerbil standing there, his hands on his eye. "How nice to see you, Mister Gerbil," Miss Unicorn trumpeted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," whimpered Mister Gerbil. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" blurted Miss Unicorn demurely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bacardi?"

"I can't stay," uttered Mister Gerbil. I just want to ask you what you think of the tarantula that's come to the canyon.

"I really don't know," snorted Miss Unicorn. "I didn't know about any tarantula. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," whispered Mister Gerbil softly. "I heard that this tarantula likes to rock knitting needles."

"Um, I don't know what to say," purred Miss Unicorn, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Gerbil, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the canyon when we get a lot of tarantulas rocking knitting needles?"

"I can't imagine," admitted Miss Unicorn.

"What are we going to do about it?" responded Mister Gerbil.

"Appoint a committee?" ranted Miss Unicorn, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Gerbil had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Gerbil blissfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," panted Miss Unicorn uselessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Gerbil carelessly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," squeaked Miss Unicorn sleepily, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the china cabinet on her front porch, looking out over the canyon and digesting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Gerbil. Do come again."

"Just a minute," spoke up Mister Gerbil elatedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Unicorn thought she had answered, and was beginning to get arrogant. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Gerbil doing these days?"

Mister Gerbil would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Unicorn sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied violently.