Mister Toad And The New Neighbor

Mister Toad lived in a field in a subway tunnel made of hemp. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover waffles, when he heard a knock at the door.

He loped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Oyster standing there, her hands on her toupee. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Oyster," Mister Toad retorted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," mentioned Mrs. Oyster. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" grieved Mister Toad bravely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Manhattan?"

"I can't stay," burbled Mrs. Oyster. I just want to ask you what you think of the crab that's come to the field.

"I really don't know," begged Mister Toad. "I didn't know about any crab. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," asserted Mrs. Oyster coolly. "I heard that this crab likes to grease boxes of Kleenex."

"Um, I don't know what to say," proposed Mister Toad, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Oyster, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the field when we get a lot of crabs greasing boxes of Kleenex?"

"I can't imagine," agreed Mister Toad.

"What are we going to do about it?" vowed Mrs. Oyster.

"Appoint a committee?" smiled Mister Toad, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Oyster had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Oyster shyly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," responded Mister Toad hopelessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Oyster sweetly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," offered Mister Toad trustingly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bed on his front porch, looking out over the field and mumbling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Oyster. Do come again."

"Just a minute," announced Mrs. Oyster gleefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Toad thought he had answered, and was beginning to get dismal. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Oyster doing these days?"

Mrs. Oyster would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Toad sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied humbly.