Miss Anaconda And The New Neighbor

Miss Anaconda lived in a jungle in a wigwam made of slate. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover mulligan stew, when she heard a knock at the door.

She tiptoed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Polar bear standing there, his hands on his little toe. "How nice to see you, Mister Polar bear," Miss Anaconda maintained, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," mentioned Mister Polar bear. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" informed Miss Anaconda repeatedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Manhattan?"

"I can't stay," shouted Mister Polar bear. I just want to ask you what you think of the bandicoot that's come to the jungle.

"I really don't know," enunciated Miss Anaconda. "I didn't know about any bandicoot. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," chimed Mister Polar bear unnaturally. "I heard that this bandicoot likes to admire soccer balls."

"Um, I don't know what to say," boomed Miss Anaconda, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Polar bear, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the jungle when we get a lot of bandicoots admiring soccer balls?"

"I can't imagine," stated Miss Anaconda.

"What are we going to do about it?" explained Mister Polar bear.

"Appoint a committee?" rationalized Miss Anaconda, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Polar bear had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Polar bear awkwardly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," stammered Miss Anaconda sweetly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Polar bear again. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," jeered Miss Anaconda timidly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the counter on her front porch, looking out over the jungle and shriveling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Polar bear. Do come again."

"Just a minute," smiled Mister Polar bear vigorously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Anaconda thought she had answered, and was beginning to get taciturn. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Polar bear doing these days?"

Mister Polar bear would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Anaconda sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied narrowly.