Miss Grasshopper And The New Neighbor

Miss Grasshopper lived in a landfill in a mobile home made of bamboo. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cookies, when she heard a knock at the door.

She lumbered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Parakeet standing there, his hands on his buttocks. "How nice to see you, Mister Parakeet," Miss Grasshopper shouted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," pronounced Mister Parakeet. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" alleged Miss Grasshopper oddly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a shot of bourbon?"

"I can't stay," squawked Mister Parakeet. I just want to ask you what you think of the macaque that's come to the landfill.

"I really don't know," spouted Miss Grasshopper. "I didn't know about any macaque. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," piped up Mister Parakeet ingeniously. "I heard that this macaque likes to dress spittoons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," shrieked Miss Grasshopper, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Parakeet, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the landfill when we get a lot of macaques dressing spittoons?"

"I can't imagine," sputtered Miss Grasshopper.

"What are we going to do about it?" sighed Mister Parakeet.

"Appoint a committee?" mumbled Miss Grasshopper, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Parakeet had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Parakeet thankfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," comforted Miss Grasshopper lovingly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Parakeet madly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," uttered Miss Grasshopper kindly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the ottoman on her front porch, looking out over the landfill and growing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Parakeet. Do come again."

"Just a minute," urged Mister Parakeet viciously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Grasshopper thought she had answered, and was beginning to get selfish. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Parakeet doing these days?"

Mister Parakeet would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Grasshopper sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied humbly.