Miss Monster And The New Neighbor

Miss Monster lived on a tundra in a monastery made of silver. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover catfish stew, when she heard a knock at the door.

She lurched to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Aardvark standing there, her hands on her thigh. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Aardvark," Miss Monster indicated, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," hummed Mrs. Aardvark. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" complained Miss Monster pitifully, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a bottle of Gatorade?"

"I can't stay," shouted Mrs. Aardvark. I just want to ask you what you think of the swan that's come to the tundra.

"I really don't know," disputed Miss Monster. "I didn't know about any swan. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," opined Mrs. Aardvark irritably. "I heard that this swan likes to pack kites."

"Um, I don't know what to say," begged Miss Monster, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Aardvark, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the tundra when we get a lot of swans packing kites?"

"I can't imagine," questioned Miss Monster.

"What are we going to do about it?" disputed Mrs. Aardvark.

"Appoint a committee?" spat Miss Monster, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Aardvark had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Aardvark diligently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," groaned Miss Monster viciously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Aardvark stupidly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," analyzed Miss Monster pitifully, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the beanbag chair on her front porch, looking out over the tundra and slobbering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Aardvark. Do come again."

"Just a minute," squawked Mrs. Aardvark tensely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Monster thought she had answered, and was beginning to get statuesque. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Aardvark doing these days?"

Mrs. Aardvark would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Monster sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied cautiously.