Mister Gila Monster And The New Neighbor

Mister Gila monster lived in a grassland in a cabin made of sawdust. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover Froot Loops, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slipped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Dachshund standing there, her hands on her thigh. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Dachshund," Mister Gila monster ranted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," bellowed Mrs. Dachshund. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" bellowed Mister Gila monster diligently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Alka-Seltzer?"

"I can't stay," wept Mrs. Dachshund. I just want to ask you what you think of the fox that's come to the grassland.

"I really don't know," smirked Mister Gila monster. "I didn't know about any fox. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," intoned Mrs. Dachshund pitifully. "I heard that this fox likes to chisel chamber pots."

"Um, I don't know what to say," persisted Mister Gila monster, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Dachshund, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassland when we get a lot of foxes chiseling chamber pots?"

"I can't imagine," peeped Mister Gila monster.

"What are we going to do about it?" sniveled Mrs. Dachshund.

"Appoint a committee?" mumbled Mister Gila monster, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Dachshund had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Dachshund delicately. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," maintained Mister Gila monster grimly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Dachshund perkily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," blurted Mister Gila monster shakily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the fainting couch on his front porch, looking out over the grassland and gazing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Dachshund. Do come again."

"Just a minute," blurted Mrs. Dachshund shyly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Gila monster thought he had answered, and was beginning to get ladylike. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Dachshund doing these days?"

Mrs. Dachshund would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Gila monster sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied later.