Mister Crab And The New Neighbor

Mister Crab lived beside a river in a townhouse made of jewels. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover moo goo gai pan, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slunk to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Ferret standing there, his hands on his Achilles tendon. "How nice to see you, Mister Ferret," Mister Crab uttered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," revealed Mister Ferret. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" explained Mister Crab daringly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a secret potion?"

"I can't stay," warbled Mister Ferret. I just want to ask you what you think of the opossum that's come to the river.

"I really don't know," shuddered Mister Crab. "I didn't know about any opossum. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," acknowledged Mister Ferret unexpectedly. "I heard that this opossum likes to brandish bird baths."

"Um, I don't know what to say," demanded Mister Crab, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Ferret, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the river when we get a lot of opossums brandishing bird baths?"

"I can't imagine," squawked Mister Crab.

"What are we going to do about it?" articulated Mister Ferret.

"Appoint a committee?" cajoled Mister Crab, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Ferret had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Ferret lovingly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," begged Mister Crab roughly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Ferret deliberately. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," fretted Mister Crab impatiently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the washing machine on his front porch, looking out over the river and jerking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Ferret. Do come again."

"Just a minute," spouted Mister Ferret breathlessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Crab thought he had answered, and was beginning to get fuzzy. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Ferret doing these days?"

Mister Ferret would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Crab sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied strangely.