Miss Hamster And The New Neighbor

Miss Hamster lived in a dumpster in a stinky shack made of Scotch tape. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover macaroni and cheese, when she heard a knock at the door.

She walked to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Magpie standing there, his hands on his scalp. "How nice to see you, Mister Magpie," Miss Hamster screeched, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," stated Mister Magpie. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" requested Miss Hamster swiftly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a grape soda?"

"I can't stay," demanded Mister Magpie. I just want to ask you what you think of the duck that's come to the dumpster.

"I really don't know," spat Miss Hamster. "I didn't know about any duck. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," burbled Mister Magpie boisterously. "I heard that this duck likes to get pairs of dice."

"Um, I don't know what to say," announced Miss Hamster, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Magpie, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the dumpster when we get a lot of ducks getting pairs of dice?"

"I can't imagine," roared Miss Hamster.

"What are we going to do about it?" wept Mister Magpie.

"Appoint a committee?" persisted Miss Hamster, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Magpie had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Magpie later. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," simpered Miss Hamster wildly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Magpie awkwardly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," judged Miss Hamster silently, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the sofa on her front porch, looking out over the dumpster and rolling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Magpie. Do come again."

"Just a minute," questioned Mister Magpie thoughtfully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Hamster thought she had answered, and was beginning to get excitable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Magpie doing these days?"

Mister Magpie would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Hamster sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied blindly.