Mister Bandicoot And The New Neighbor

Mister Bandicoot lived in a pasture in a castle made of cedar. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover steak, when he heard a knock at the door.

He ran to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Tiger standing there, his hands on his midriff. "How nice to see you, Mister Tiger," Mister Bandicoot urged, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," smiled Mister Tiger. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" agreed Mister Bandicoot numbly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Alka-Seltzer?"

"I can't stay," shuddered Mister Tiger. I just want to ask you what you think of the ape that's come to the pasture.

"I really don't know," gabbed Mister Bandicoot. "I didn't know about any ape. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," whispered Mister Tiger uneasily. "I heard that this ape likes to replace rulers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," fantasized Mister Bandicoot, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Tiger, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the pasture when we get a lot of apes replacing rulers?"

"I can't imagine," smirked Mister Bandicoot.

"What are we going to do about it?" declaimed Mister Tiger.

"Appoint a committee?" proposed Mister Bandicoot, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Tiger had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Tiger ignobly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," guessed Mister Bandicoot gingerly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Tiger demurely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," questioned Mister Bandicoot elatedly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the footstool on his front porch, looking out over the pasture and coming along. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Tiger. Do come again."

"Just a minute," simpered Mister Tiger fearfully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Bandicoot thought he had answered, and was beginning to get cruel. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Tiger doing these days?"

Mister Tiger would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Bandicoot sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied crossly.