Mister Anaconda And The New Neighbor

Mister Anaconda lived in a valley in a Victorian mansion made of wax. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover egg salad sandwich, when he heard a knock at the door.

He dashed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Rattlesnake standing there, his hands on his antenna. "How nice to see you, Mister Rattlesnake," Mister Anaconda crooned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," interrupted Mister Rattlesnake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" lectured Mister Anaconda innocently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of orange juice?"

"I can't stay," wondered Mister Rattlesnake. I just want to ask you what you think of the garter snake that's come to the valley.

"I really don't know," implored Mister Anaconda. "I didn't know about any garter snake. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," declaimed Mister Rattlesnake sternly. "I heard that this garter snake likes to punch campaign signs."

"Um, I don't know what to say," judged Mister Anaconda, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Rattlesnake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the valley when we get a lot of garter snakes punching campaign signs?"

"I can't imagine," railed Mister Anaconda.

"What are we going to do about it?" raved Mister Rattlesnake.

"Appoint a committee?" demanded Mister Anaconda, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Rattlesnake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Rattlesnake glumly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," bawled Mister Anaconda courageously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Rattlesnake deftly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," invited Mister Anaconda majestically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the file cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the valley and burbling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Rattlesnake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," whimpered Mister Rattlesnake excitedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Anaconda thought he had answered, and was beginning to get careful. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Rattlesnake doing these days?"

Mister Rattlesnake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Anaconda sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied anxiously.