Mister Mountain Goat And The New Neighbor

Mister Mountain goat lived at a lakeside in a mansion made of diamonds. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hash, when he heard a knock at the door.

He waddled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Crab standing there, her hands on her buttocks. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Crab," Mister Mountain goat yowled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," rationalized Mrs. Crab. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" began Mister Mountain goat deliberately, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a mint julep?"

"I can't stay," quavered Mrs. Crab. I just want to ask you what you think of the mole that's come to the lakeside.

"I really don't know," complained Mister Mountain goat. "I didn't know about any mole. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," grieved Mrs. Crab anxiously. "I heard that this mole likes to grease iPhones."

"Um, I don't know what to say," grieved Mister Mountain goat, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Crab, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the lakeside when we get a lot of moles greasing iPhones?"

"I can't imagine," hummed Mister Mountain goat.

"What are we going to do about it?" pointed out Mrs. Crab.

"Appoint a committee?" avowed Mister Mountain goat, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Crab had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Crab hopefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," burbled Mister Mountain goat crankily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Crab gingerly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," spat Mister Mountain goat anxiously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the armoire on his front porch, looking out over the lakeside and playing solitaire. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Crab. Do come again."

"Just a minute," nattered Mrs. Crab queerly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Mountain goat thought he had answered, and was beginning to get pesky. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Crab doing these days?"

Mrs. Crab would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Mountain goat sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied needlessly.