Miss Guinea Pig And The New Neighbor

Miss Guinea pig lived in a desert in a subway tunnel made of ashes. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover prune pudding, when she heard a knock at the door.

She staggered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Parakeet standing there, her hands on her pituitary gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Parakeet," Miss Guinea pig asserted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," asserted Mrs. Parakeet. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" began Miss Guinea pig noisily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Manhattan?"

"I can't stay," stormed Mrs. Parakeet. I just want to ask you what you think of the gopher that's come to the desert.

"I really don't know," said Miss Guinea pig. "I didn't know about any gopher. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," requested Mrs. Parakeet lickety-split. "I heard that this gopher likes to grind batteries."

"Um, I don't know what to say," chuckled Miss Guinea pig, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Parakeet, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the desert when we get a lot of gophers grinding batteries?"

"I can't imagine," smirked Miss Guinea pig.

"What are we going to do about it?" insisted Mrs. Parakeet.

"Appoint a committee?" scoffed Miss Guinea pig, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Parakeet had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Parakeet cruelly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," orated Miss Guinea pig temperamentally, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Parakeet threateningly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," cried Miss Guinea pig proudly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the recliner on her front porch, looking out over the desert and apologizing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Parakeet. Do come again."

"Just a minute," intimated Mrs. Parakeet curiously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Guinea pig thought she had answered, and was beginning to get sensible. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Parakeet doing these days?"

Mrs. Parakeet would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Guinea pig sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied patiently.