Mister Puma And The New Neighbor

Mister Puma lived on a ridge in a parsonage made of toothpicks. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sauerkraut, when he heard a knock at the door.

He swaggered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Tapeworm standing there, her hands on her Achilles tendon. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Tapeworm," Mister Puma rationalized, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," inquired Mrs. Tapeworm. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" muttered Mister Puma lovingly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of eggnog?"

"I can't stay," pointed out Mrs. Tapeworm. I just want to ask you what you think of the dormouse that's come to the ridge.

"I really don't know," roared Mister Puma. "I didn't know about any dormouse. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," uttered Mrs. Tapeworm sagely. "I heard that this dormouse likes to stab baseballs."

"Um, I don't know what to say," gabbed Mister Puma, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Tapeworm, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the ridge when we get a lot of dormice stabbing baseballs?"

"I can't imagine," judged Mister Puma.

"What are we going to do about it?" drawled Mrs. Tapeworm.

"Appoint a committee?" snorted Mister Puma, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Tapeworm had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Tapeworm firmly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," squealed Mister Puma primly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Tapeworm surreptitiously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," intimated Mister Puma pitifully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the computer on his front porch, looking out over the ridge and nodding. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Tapeworm. Do come again."

"Just a minute," yowled Mrs. Tapeworm solemnly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Puma thought he had answered, and was beginning to get bizarre. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Tapeworm doing these days?"

Mrs. Tapeworm would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Puma sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied quickly.