Miss Duck-billed Platypus And The New Neighbor

Miss Duck-billed platypus lived alongside a stream in a Victorian mansion made of lead. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chicken pot pie, when she heard a knock at the door.

She cantered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Partridge standing there, her hands on her scalp. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Partridge," Miss Duck-billed platypus instructed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," purred Mrs. Partridge. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" concluded Miss Duck-billed platypus diligently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Irish Coffee?"

"I can't stay," said Mrs. Partridge. I just want to ask you what you think of the rattlesnake that's come to the stream.

"I really don't know," announced Miss Duck-billed platypus. "I didn't know about any rattlesnake. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," croaked Mrs. Partridge grimly. "I heard that this rattlesnake likes to fortify buttons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," announced Miss Duck-billed platypus, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Partridge, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the stream when we get a lot of rattlesnakes fortifying buttons?"

"I can't imagine," crooned Miss Duck-billed platypus.

"What are we going to do about it?" urged Mrs. Partridge.

"Appoint a committee?" brought up Miss Duck-billed platypus, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Partridge had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Partridge wryly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," reacted Miss Duck-billed platypus sorrowfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Partridge flightily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," announced Miss Duck-billed platypus roughly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the computer on her front porch, looking out over the stream and getting sleepy. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Partridge. Do come again."

"Just a minute," lectured Mrs. Partridge valiantly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Duck-billed platypus thought she had answered, and was beginning to get frantic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Partridge doing these days?"

Mrs. Partridge would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Duck-billed platypus sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied coolly.