Mister Mare And The New Neighbor

Mister Mare lived at a crime scene in a travel trailer made of corncobs. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover biscuits and gravy, when he heard a knock at the door.

He barrelled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Lamb standing there, her hands on her eyeball. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Lamb," Mister Mare whined, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," answered Mrs. Lamb. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" screeched Mister Mare craftily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Tom and Jerry?"

"I can't stay," requested Mrs. Lamb. I just want to ask you what you think of the shrew that's come to the crime scene.

"I really don't know," chimed Mister Mare. "I didn't know about any shrew. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," intoned Mrs. Lamb effortlessly. "I heard that this shrew likes to hack Van Goghs."

"Um, I don't know what to say," fantasized Mister Mare, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Lamb, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the crime scene when we get a lot of shrews hacking Van Goghs?"

"I can't imagine," demanded Mister Mare.

"What are we going to do about it?" pleaded Mrs. Lamb.

"Appoint a committee?" complained Mister Mare, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Lamb had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Lamb sharply. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," mouthed Mister Mare sternly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Lamb narrowly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," clarified Mister Mare furiously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the filing cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the crime scene and fretting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Lamb. Do come again."

"Just a minute," taunted Mrs. Lamb daringly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Mare thought he had answered, and was beginning to get bold. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Lamb doing these days?"

Mrs. Lamb would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Mare sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied angrily.