Mister Panda And The New Neighbor

Mister Panda lived beside a creek in an igloo made of wire. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover omelet, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slumped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Puma standing there, his hands on his thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mister Puma," Mister Panda gasped, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," exploded Mister Puma. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" belched Mister Panda offhandedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Alka-Seltzer?"

"I can't stay," vowed Mister Puma. I just want to ask you what you think of the ass that's come to the creek.

"I really don't know," judged Mister Panda. "I didn't know about any ass. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," repeated Mister Puma madly. "I heard that this ass likes to switch Band-aids."

"Um, I don't know what to say," quavered Mister Panda, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Puma, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the creek when we get a lot of asses switching Band-aids?"

"I can't imagine," sighed Mister Panda.

"What are we going to do about it?" retorted Mister Puma.

"Appoint a committee?" chortled Mister Panda, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Puma had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Puma uselessly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," stated Mister Panda threateningly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Puma numbly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," asserted Mister Panda blankly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the rug on his front porch, looking out over the creek and dying. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Puma. Do come again."

"Just a minute," squealed Mister Puma admiringly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Panda thought he had answered, and was beginning to get angry. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Puma doing these days?"

Mister Puma would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Panda sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied thoughtfully.