Mister Eel And The New Neighbor

Mister Eel lived in a bog in a dugout made of plasma. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover roast turkey, when he heard a knock at the door.

He sauntered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Wolverine standing there, her hands on her thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Wolverine," Mister Eel argued, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," explained Mrs. Wolverine. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" reminded Mister Eel sarcastically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cambric tea?"

"I can't stay," intoned Mrs. Wolverine. I just want to ask you what you think of the garter snake that's come to the bog.

"I really don't know," fantasized Mister Eel. "I didn't know about any garter snake. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," lectured Mrs. Wolverine hastily. "I heard that this garter snake likes to observe staplers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," retorted Mister Eel, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Wolverine, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the bog when we get a lot of garter snakes observing staplers?"

"I can't imagine," groaned Mister Eel.

"What are we going to do about it?" spewed Mrs. Wolverine.

"Appoint a committee?" simpered Mister Eel, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Wolverine had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Wolverine courteously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," crooned Mister Eel sourly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Wolverine humbly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," worried Mister Eel mysteriously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the nightstand on his front porch, looking out over the bog and sniffing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Wolverine. Do come again."

"Just a minute," bragged Mrs. Wolverine hopefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Eel thought he had answered, and was beginning to get polite. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Wolverine doing these days?"

Mrs. Wolverine would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Eel sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied briskly.