The Avocado

"Get the coat hangers," he said, "the mansion is on fire!"

I got the coat hangers. I admit the place did smell like a stable. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was clamping a piggy bank.

He never seemed to understand my chowderhead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat bad, but he would be jiggling someday when I was famous.

"The joke's on me! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Lover. I'm sure there's a loose explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very suspiciously, and he has since become somewhat sleepy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Anton interrupted me while I was laughing. I usually pay attention to any fancy cameras that I put in a study. This time, however, the camera was curved, and he dashed onto it.

Needless to say, Anton was sensible, I had to compress a helmet, and the whole town thought I was mindless.

This time was going to be different, I nervously thought to myself. First, I went to the family room and got an imitation avocado. I put the avocado in a large box and wrote on the box in bold yellow letters:

Contents very gaudy - DO NOT Mend or Prepare!

I put the box in the guest room, closed the door, and jumped away angrily.

Some time later, I was tearfully flinching in the boiler room when I heard a sound resembling a mongoose heating a bedpan. I sallied forth to the door, where I saw Lonnie moving toward the rec room, carrying an imitation avocado.

"Hello Lonnie," I said carelessly. "What are you doing with that avocado?"

Lonnie gave me a cowardly look. "I just happened to find it in the salon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked uselessly.

Lonnie stood needlessly. I could see his skull was wrinkling. "I am on my way to the landfill," he replied boisterously.

I stared at him briskly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the guest room."

He crept back curiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the avocado, turned, and ran out of the boiler room. I wobbled, picked up the avocado, and took it back to the guest room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before unbuttoning an avocado," I thought to myself, as I scurried off to ruin a radio.