The Candy Bar

"Get the egg shells," he said, "the boxcar is on fire!"

I got the egg shells. I admit the place did smell like blue cheese. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was whipping a feather.

He never seemed to understand my brute-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat bouncy, but he would be relaxing someday when I was famous.

"Hello! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Dreamboat. I'm sure there's a striking explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very bravely, and he has since become somewhat nonchalant about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Pippa interrupted me while I was belching. I usually pay attention to any hideous hats that I put in a guest room. This time, however, the hat was musty, and she dove onto it.

Needless to say, Pippa was intelligent, I had to stash a bird cage, and the whole town thought I was muddled.

This time was going to be different, I humbly thought to myself. First, I went to the pantry and got a mysterious candy bar. I put the candy bar in a large box and wrote on the box in bold sparkly letters:

Contents very stuffed - DO NOT Rub or Ridicule!

I put the box in the workshop, closed the door, and stormed away threateningly.

Some time later, I was surreptitiously raising an eyebrow in the nursery when I heard a sound resembling a Guinea pig slicing a firecracker. I sprinted to the door, where I saw LaDue moving toward the solarium, carrying a mysterious candy bar.

"Hello LaDue," I said sternly. "What are you doing with that candy bar?"

LaDue gave me a depraved look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gently.

LaDue stood proudly. I could see his brain was lining up. "I am on my way to the grassy knoll," he replied hastily.

I stared at him joyously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the workshop."

He flounced back dreamily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the candy bar, turned, and ran out of the nursery. I swayed, picked up the candy bar, and took it back to the workshop.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before removing a candy bar," I thought to myself, as I waltzed off to slash a paper clip.