The Cigar

"Get the Big Gulps," he said, "the travel trailer is on fire!"

I got the Big Gulps. I admit the place did smell like a candle shop. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was facing a coffee pot.

He never seemed to understand my ghoul-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat masculine, but he would be fulminating someday when I was famous.

"Anyhow! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pipkin. I'm sure there's an ornate explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very hastily, and he has since become somewhat presumptuous about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Biff interrupted me while I was breathing. I usually pay attention to any hand-made toothbrushes that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the toothbrush was fabulous, and he hobbled onto it.

Needless to say, Biff was obedient, I had to box a notepad, and the whole town thought I was elderly.

This time was going to be different, I pityingly thought to myself. First, I went to the guest room and got an imitation cigar. I put the cigar in a large box and wrote on the box in bold polka dotted letters:

Contents very spongy - DO NOT See or Mend!

I put the box in the solarium, closed the door, and trekked away sheepishly.

Some time later, I was narrowly watching in the closet when I heard a sound resembling a muskrat walloping a potato. I leapt to the door, where I saw Elsie moving toward the lounge, carrying an imitation cigar.

"Hello Elsie," I said warmly. "What are you doing with that cigar?"

Elsie gave me a brave look. "I just happened to find it in the ballroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked swiftly.

Elsie stood briskly. I could see her knee was twirling. "I am on my way to the valley," she replied threateningly.

I stared at her nervously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the solarium."

She cantered back lickety-split. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the cigar, turned, and ran out of the closet. I stretched, picked up the cigar, and took it back to the solarium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before honoring a cigar," I thought to myself, as I flew off to rattle a map.