"Get the key rings," she said, "the tent is on fire!"
I got the key rings. I admit the place did smell like turpentine. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was soaking a pom-pom.
She never seemed to understand my scurvy bilge rat-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat self-assured, but she would be cheering someday when I was famous.
"Petunia! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Sunshine. I'm sure there's a dirty explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very uselessly, and she has since become somewhat brassy about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Leila interrupted me while I was grumbling. I usually pay attention to any mechanical corsages that I put in a hall. This time, however, the corsage was flaky, and she swung onto it.
Needless to say, Leila was garrulous, I had to drag a comb, and the whole town thought I was obnoxious.
This time was going to be different, I noisily thought to myself. First, I went to the family room and got an electric fishhook. I put the fishhook in a large box and wrote on the box in bold violet letters:
Contents very amazing - DO NOT Twist or Tickle!
I put the box in the auditorium, closed the door, and hopped away lamely.
Some time later, I was daringly looking smart in the family room when I heard a sound resembling a ground hog demolishing an iPad. I scurried to the door, where I saw Deng moving toward the study, carrying an electric fishhook.
"Hello Deng," I said thankfully. "What are you doing with that fishhook?"
Deng gave me a bold look. "I just happened to find it in the library."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked perkily.
Deng stood dreamily. I could see his heel was tingling. "I am on my way to the river," he replied tenderly.
I stared at him grandly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the auditorium."
He waltzed back lamely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the fishhook, turned, and ran out of the family room. I sighed, picked up the fishhook, and took it back to the auditorium.