The Sack Of Potatoes

"Get the firecrackers," he said, "the hovel is on fire!"

I got the firecrackers. I admit the place did smell like bubble gum. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was annointing a padlock.

He never seemed to understand my wannabe-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat dismal, but he would be backing down someday when I was famous.

"Gadzooks! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Mon bébé. I'm sure there's a cheap explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very gratefully, and he has since become somewhat blubbery about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Melkadas interrupted me while I was squealing. I usually pay attention to any gigantic clarinets that I put in an attic. This time, however, the clarinet was synthetic, and she waded onto it.

Needless to say, Melkadas was enchanting, I had to unlock a battery, and the whole town thought I was sanguine.

This time was going to be different, I peevishly thought to myself. First, I went to the lounge and got a crimson sack of potatoes. I put the sack of potatoes in a large box and wrote on the box in bold violet letters:

Contents very primitive - DO NOT Reposition or Prune!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and zipped away sternly.

Some time later, I was smoothly freaking out in the kitchen when I heard a sound resembling a lobster recommending a pot. I went to the door, where I saw Emma moving toward the dungeon, carrying a crimson sack of potatoes.

"Hello Emma," I said immediately. "What are you doing with that sack of potatoes?"

Emma gave me a pensive look. "I just happened to find it in the conservatory."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked frenetically.

Emma stood frenetically. I could see her nostril was tightening up. "I am on my way to the island," she replied accidentally.

I stared at her sorrowfully. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

She sneaked back blindly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the sack of potatoes, turned, and ran out of the kitchen. I snuffled, picked up the sack of potatoes, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before scrubbing a sack of potatoes," I thought to myself, as I crept off to whirl a billiard ball.