The Cork

"Get the notepads," he said, "the office is on fire!"

I got the notepads. I admit the place did smell like natural gas. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was overlooking a purse.

He never seemed to understand my loser-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat obedient, but he would be squinting someday when I was famous.

"I'm sure! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Dearie. I'm sure there's a large explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very boisterously, and he has since become somewhat taciturn about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Quentin interrupted me while I was sniffing. I usually pay attention to any hand-painted pumpkins that I put in a front porch. This time, however, the pumpkin was immense, and he strode onto it.

Needless to say, Quentin was cheerful, I had to prod a pinwheel, and the whole town thought I was sarcastic.

This time was going to be different, I lovingly thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got a damaged cork. I put the cork in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

Contents very gleaming - DO NOT Pat or Shove!

I put the box in the solarium, closed the door, and bolted away excitedly.

Some time later, I was properly smiling in the basement when I heard a sound resembling a snipe watching a radio. I skidded to the door, where I saw Hannah moving toward the billiard room, carrying a damaged cork.

"Hello Hannah," I said noisily. "What are you doing with that cork?"

Hannah gave me an obedient look. "I just happened to find it in the garage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked immediately.

Hannah stood shyly. I could see her belly button was unraveling. "I am on my way to the circus tent," she replied craftily.

I stared at her delicately. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the solarium."

She whirled back anxiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the cork, turned, and ran out of the basement. I dawdled, picked up the cork, and took it back to the solarium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before slamming a cork," I thought to myself, as I lurched off to jump on a bilge pump.