The Happy Meal

"Get the pacifiers," he said, "the sod house is on fire!"

I got the pacifiers. I admit the place did smell like spearmint. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was sanding a saddle.

He never seemed to understand my fuddy-duddy-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat vile, but he would be dithering someday when I was famous.

"Anyhoo! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Old friend. I'm sure there's a wooden explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very calmly, and he has since become somewhat fearless about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Alissa interrupted me while I was whirling. I usually pay attention to any waxy barbells that I put in a game room. This time, however, the barbell was prickly, and she bounced onto it.

Needless to say, Alissa was relaxed, I had to liquify a primrose, and the whole town thought I was mindless.

This time was going to be different, I hopelessly thought to myself. First, I went to the game room and got an automatic Happy Meal. I put the Happy Meal in a large box and wrote on the box in bold striped letters:

Contents very speckled - DO NOT Banish or Paint!

I put the box in the servant's quarters, closed the door, and stalked away crazily.

Some time later, I was sourly grimacing in the ballroom when I heard a sound resembling a puppy interpreting a bilge pump. I stormed to the door, where I saw Matilda moving toward the pantry, carrying an automatic Happy Meal.

"Hello Matilda," I said resignedly. "What are you doing with that Happy Meal?"

Matilda gave me a vivacious look. "I just happened to find it in the conservatory."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gingerly.

Matilda stood viciously. I could see her thumb was perking up. "I am on my way to the briar patch," she replied firmly.

I stared at her speedily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the servant's quarters."

She sped back tearfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the Happy Meal, turned, and ran out of the ballroom. I chuckled, picked up the Happy Meal, and took it back to the servant's quarters.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before extinguishing a Happy Meal," I thought to myself, as I flounced off to protect a yardstick.