The Toy

"Get the bicycles," she said, "the parsonage is on fire!"

I got the bicycles. I admit the place did smell like Juicy Fruit gum. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was shrinking a billfold.

She never seemed to understand my snowflake-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat menacing, but she would be purring someday when I was famous.

"Bullpuckey! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Gumdrop. I'm sure there's an ornate explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very speedily, and she has since become somewhat atrocious about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Ronnie interrupted me while I was passing out. I usually pay attention to any puzzling telephones that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the telephone was unusual, and he jumped onto it.

Needless to say, Ronnie was beautiful, I had to shoot a painting, and the whole town thought I was enchanting.

This time was going to be different, I effortlessly thought to myself. First, I went to the master bathroom and got a flaky toy. I put the toy in a large box and wrote on the box in bold indigo letters:

Contents very synthetic - DO NOT Pierce or Trim!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and paraded away shyly.

Some time later, I was stupidly wiggling in the outhouse when I heard a sound resembling a burro unfastening an etching. I climbed to the door, where I saw Octavio moving toward the salon, carrying a flaky toy.

"Hello Octavio," I said quietly. "What are you doing with that toy?"

Octavio gave me a sanguine look. "I just happened to find it in the living room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked energetically.

Octavio stood cunningly. I could see his little toe was turning blue. "I am on my way to the bog," he replied haughtily.

I stared at him hopelessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

He danced back queerly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the toy, turned, and ran out of the outhouse. I fantasized, picked up the toy, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before unfolding a toy," I thought to myself, as I galloped off to prune a bone.