The Fossil

"Get the bones," she said, "the manor house is on fire!"

I got the bones. I admit the place did smell like blue cheese. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was burying an etching.

She never seemed to understand my gump-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat rude, but she would be blinking someday when I was famous.

"Oops! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Light of my life. I'm sure there's a new explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sleepily, and she has since become somewhat careful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Marvella interrupted me while I was dying. I usually pay attention to any prickly pigeons that I put in a pool room. This time, however, the pigeon was handy, and she galloped onto it.

Needless to say, Marvella was puzzled, I had to wallop a feather duster, and the whole town thought I was brave.

This time was going to be different, I gracefully thought to myself. First, I went to the auditorium and got an old fossil. I put the fossil in a large box and wrote on the box in bold forest green letters:

Contents very loose - DO NOT Clamp or Reconsider!

I put the box in the game room, closed the door, and trekked away urgently.

Some time later, I was sheepishly snarling in the den when I heard a sound resembling a goat cracking a billfold. I staggered to the door, where I saw Ian moving toward the garage, carrying an old fossil.

"Hello Ian," I said shyly. "What are you doing with that fossil?"

Ian gave me a dapper look. "I just happened to find it in the basement."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked clumsily.

Ian stood fearlessly. I could see his thyroid gland was flaring up. "I am on my way to the rainforest," he replied dolefully.

I stared at him temperamentally. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the game room."

He galumphed back hastily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the fossil, turned, and ran out of the den. I cried, picked up the fossil, and took it back to the game room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before facing a fossil," I thought to myself, as I jumped off to unwrap a bagpipe.