The Telephone

"Get the blankets," she said, "the quonset hut is on fire!"

I got the blankets. I admit the place did smell like formaldehyde. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was darkening a pom-pom.

She never seemed to understand my idiot-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat colorless, but she would be getting away someday when I was famous.

"Spiff! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Big lug. I'm sure there's a papery explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very lazily, and she has since become somewhat rude about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Nathan interrupted me while I was vegetating. I usually pay attention to any rusty tablet computers that I put in a master bedroom. This time, however, the tablet computer was brightly-colored, and he swung onto it.

Needless to say, Nathan was stubby, I had to paint a mop, and the whole town thought I was sincere.

This time was going to be different, I sagely thought to myself. First, I went to the cage and got a used telephone. I put the telephone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold red letters:

Contents very flaky - DO NOT Describe or Analyze!

I put the box in the family room, closed the door, and made a beeline away suddenly.

Some time later, I was boisterously sitting still in the hall when I heard a sound resembling a dromedary decorating a trash can. I tiptoed to the door, where I saw Barry moving toward the auditorium, carrying a used telephone.

"Hello Barry," I said dreamily. "What are you doing with that telephone?"

Barry gave me a powerful look. "I just happened to find it in the solarium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked warmly.

Barry stood deliberately. I could see his eyeball was oozing. "I am on my way to the tundra," he replied jokingly.

I stared at him gently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the family room."

He went back proudly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the telephone, turned, and ran out of the hall. I turned blue, picked up the telephone, and took it back to the family room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before engraving a telephone," I thought to myself, as I crept off to whack a statue.