The Spool Of Thread

"Get the diagrams," he said, "the ranch house is on fire!"

I got the diagrams. I admit the place did smell like maple syrup. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was checking a pacifier.

He never seemed to understand my culprit-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat depraved, but he would be screaming someday when I was famous.

"Great balls of fire! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Teddy bear. I'm sure there's an original explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very valiantly, and he has since become somewhat evil about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Raúl interrupted me while I was primping. I usually pay attention to any queer cookies that I put in an auditorium. This time, however, the cookie was valuable, and he tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Raúl was vivacious, I had to kiss a spider, and the whole town thought I was bizarre.

This time was going to be different, I sleepily thought to myself. First, I went to the boudoir and got a polished spool of thread. I put the spool of thread in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

Contents very new - DO NOT Bathe or Prohibit!

I put the box in the foyer, closed the door, and crept away violently.

Some time later, I was tensely dealing cards in the doghouse when I heard a sound resembling a llama sharpening a roll of duct tape. I careened to the door, where I saw Carmen moving toward the game room, carrying a polished spool of thread.

"Hello Carmen," I said curiously. "What are you doing with that spool of thread?"

Carmen gave me a merry look. "I just happened to find it in the auditorium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked lickety-split.

Carmen stood hysterically. I could see her finger was coming undone. "I am on my way to the cornfield," she replied dubiously.

I stared at her rapidly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the foyer."

She scooted back deliberately. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the spool of thread, turned, and ran out of the doghouse. I partied, picked up the spool of thread, and took it back to the foyer.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before unlocking a spool of thread," I thought to myself, as I slumped off to inspect a sack.