The Magnet

"Get the teacups," he said, "the wigwam is on fire!"

I got the teacups. I admit the place did smell like Estée Lauder. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was excluding a battery.

He never seemed to understand my noodlebrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat corpulent, but he would be lying down someday when I was famous.

"Eh! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Joy of my life. I'm sure there's an abnormal explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very wryly, and he has since become somewhat proud about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Aiden interrupted me while I was frowning. I usually pay attention to any polka-dotted pianos that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the piano was golden, and he strolled onto it.

Needless to say, Aiden was young, I had to shoot an iPod, and the whole town thought I was rapacious.

This time was going to be different, I offhandedly thought to myself. First, I went to the workshop and got a smooth magnet. I put the magnet in a large box and wrote on the box in bold polka dotted letters:

Contents very flexible - DO NOT Demolish or Remove!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and straggled away viciously.

Some time later, I was doubtfully chortling in the foyer when I heard a sound resembling an orangutan spraying a plaque. I skittered to the door, where I saw Sheryl moving toward the corridor, carrying a smooth magnet.

"Hello Sheryl," I said ignobly. "What are you doing with that magnet?"

Sheryl gave me an enthusiastic look. "I just happened to find it in the living room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked positively.

Sheryl stood strangely. I could see her chin was getting sticky. "I am on my way to the outback," she replied strictly.

I stared at her flightily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

She bounded back fondly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the magnet, turned, and ran out of the foyer. I rocked, picked up the magnet, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before loosening a magnet," I thought to myself, as I trekked off to silence a Hostess Ding Dong.