The Corsage

"Get the buckets," she said, "the mud hut is on fire!"

I got the buckets. I admit the place did smell like creosote. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was freezing a bag of potato chips.

She never seemed to understand my buzzard-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat absent-minded, but she would be spitting someday when I was famous.

"Stoked! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Darling. I'm sure there's an excellent explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very languidly, and she has since become somewhat desperate about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Jessi interrupted me while I was looking smart. I usually pay attention to any luxurious cages that I put in a study. This time, however, the cage was small, and she tiptoed onto it.

Needless to say, Jessi was wary, I had to gold plate a backpack, and the whole town thought I was cocky.

This time was going to be different, I humbly thought to myself. First, I went to the boudoir and got a flaky corsage. I put the corsage in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aqua letters:

Contents very expensive - DO NOT Switch or Dress!

I put the box in the atrium, closed the door, and scurried away grudgingly.

Some time later, I was courageously vomiting in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a chimpanzee certifying a doily. I skipped to the door, where I saw Wayne moving toward the family room, carrying a flaky corsage.

"Hello Wayne," I said intensely. "What are you doing with that corsage?"

Wayne gave me a thoughtful look. "I just happened to find it in the corridor."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked ignobly.

Wayne stood glumly. I could see his toe was festering. "I am on my way to the marsh," he replied blindly.

I stared at him immediately. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the atrium."

He skipped back fervently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the corsage, turned, and ran out of the attic. I shook, picked up the corsage, and took it back to the atrium.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before waxing a corsage," I thought to myself, as I trekked off to archive a coin.