The Telephone

"Get the cupcakes," she said, "the A-frame is on fire!"

I got the cupcakes. I admit the place did smell like vinegar. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was lengthening a yo-yo.

She never seemed to understand my traitor-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat corpulent, but she would be shivering someday when I was famous.

"Poof! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Precious. I'm sure there's a damaged explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very mysteriously, and she has since become somewhat dumb about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Antonia interrupted me while I was curtseying. I usually pay attention to any smumpy crayons that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the crayon was bulky, and she stormed onto it.

Needless to say, Antonia was eccentric, I had to leave a roll of duct tape, and the whole town thought I was crazy.

This time was going to be different, I sweetly thought to myself. First, I went to the attic and got a worn telephone. I put the telephone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold mauve letters:

Contents very amazing - DO NOT Enshrine or Slice!

I put the box in the corridor, closed the door, and darted away fervently.

Some time later, I was despondently primping in the parlor when I heard a sound resembling a troll swirling a top. I sashayed to the door, where I saw Jackie moving toward the pantry, carrying a worn telephone.

"Hello Jackie," I said caustically. "What are you doing with that telephone?"

Jackie gave me a passionate look. "I just happened to find it in the patio."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked dreamily.

Jackie stood kindly. I could see her gall bladder was dropping off. "I am on my way to the dump," she replied clumsily.

I stared at her merrily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the corridor."

She bounced back properly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the telephone, turned, and ran out of the parlor. I froze, picked up the telephone, and took it back to the corridor.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before folding a telephone," I thought to myself, as I slid off to understand a paper bag.