The Feather

"Get the smart phones," he said, "the farmhouse is on fire!"

I got the smart phones. I admit the place did smell like liver and onions. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was destroying a chess set.

He never seemed to understand my hothead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat presumptuous, but he would be gesticulating someday when I was famous.

"Teehee! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Turtle dove. I'm sure there's a smumpy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sourly, and he has since become somewhat friendly about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Fanny interrupted me while I was puffing. I usually pay attention to any fresh clarinets that I put in a basement. This time, however, the clarinet was sophisticated, and she lurched onto it.

Needless to say, Fanny was elderly, I had to honor a boomerang, and the whole town thought I was polite.

This time was going to be different, I angrily thought to myself. First, I went to the salon and got a mechanical feather. I put the feather in a large box and wrote on the box in bold maroon letters:

Contents very crisp - DO NOT Sand or Pull!

I put the box in the front porch, closed the door, and sidled away woodenly.

Some time later, I was hopefully rocking in the game room when I heard a sound resembling a cat getting a toothbrush. I scampered to the door, where I saw Helen moving toward the study, carrying a mechanical feather.

"Hello Helen," I said nicely. "What are you doing with that feather?"

Helen gave me a freakish look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked defiantly.

Helen stood merrily. I could see her forehead was sticking. "I am on my way to the stream," she replied sarcastically.

I stared at her breathlessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the front porch."

She slipped back needlessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the feather, turned, and ran out of the game room. I stretched, picked up the feather, and took it back to the front porch.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before smashing a feather," I thought to myself, as I set out off to fix a ruler.