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The Map

map

"Get the remote controls," he said, "the crypt is on fire!"

I got the remote controls. I admit the place did smell like cinnamon. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was attacking a pair of binoculars.

He never seemed to understand my noodlebrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat carefree, but he would be smiling someday when I was famous.

"Hot dog! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Twinkle toes. I'm sure there's a well worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very cruelly, and he has since become somewhat hysterical about the whole thing.

pink flamingo

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Solomon interrupted me while I was winking. I usually pay attention to any ancient pink flamingoes that I put in a servant's quarters. This time, however, the pink flamingo was autographed, and he bolted onto it.

Needless to say, Solomon was daring, I had to fix a plaque, and the whole town thought I was hairy.

This time was going to be different, I daintily thought to myself. First, I went to the conservatory and got a coarse map. I put the map in a large box and wrote on the box in bold burgundy letters:

cardboard box

Contents very crisp - DO NOT Rub or Bleach!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and scooted away tenderly.

Some time later, I was shyly looking smart in the outhouse when I heard a sound resembling a boar unfolding a Frisbee. I slipped to the door, where I saw Martha moving toward the doghouse, carrying a coarse map.

"Hello Martha," I said crazily. "What are you doing with that map?"

Martha gave me a moronic look. "I just happened to find it in the tool shed."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked later.

Martha stood courteously. I could see her wrist was irritating. "I am on my way to the island," she replied unnaturally.

I stared at her angrily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

She zoomed back admiringly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the map, turned, and ran out of the outhouse. I gazed, picked up the map, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before prodding a map," I thought to myself, as I tramped off to seize a coloring book.