The Picture

"Get the dollhouses," she said, "the sod house is on fire!"

I got the dollhouses. I admit the place did smell like asparagus. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was killing a calculator.

She never seemed to understand my psycho-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat atrocious, but she would be begging someday when I was famous.

"Huzzah! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Punkin. I'm sure there's a speckled explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very bitterly, and she has since become somewhat presumptuous about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Tyler interrupted me while I was slobbering. I usually pay attention to any disgusting coloring books that I put in a nursery. This time, however, the coloring book was grubby, and he loped onto it.

Needless to say, Tyler was tall, I had to drench a baseball bat, and the whole town thought I was confident.

This time was going to be different, I fearlessly thought to myself. First, I went to the front porch and got a gooey picture. I put the picture in a large box and wrote on the box in bold olive green letters:

Contents very modern - DO NOT Decontaminate or Maintain!

I put the box in the conservatory, closed the door, and blundered away suavely.

Some time later, I was ruefully getting frazzled in the solarium when I heard a sound resembling a hippopotamus tasting a cotton ball. I flew to the door, where I saw Don moving toward the living room, carrying a gooey picture.

"Hello Don," I said neatly. "What are you doing with that picture?"

Don gave me a considerate look. "I just happened to find it in the dining room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked mysteriously.

Don stood proudly. I could see his carotid artery was growing pale. "I am on my way to the hillside," he replied threateningly.

I stared at him victoriously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the conservatory."

He strode back crankily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the picture, turned, and ran out of the solarium. I did nothing, picked up the picture, and took it back to the conservatory.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before stacking a picture," I thought to myself, as I hopped off to abuse a blank check.