"Get the chess sets," he said, "the parsonage is on fire!"
I got the chess sets. I admit the place did smell like baby lotion. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was folding a piggy bank.
He never seemed to understand my demon-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat homely, but he would be sleeping someday when I was famous.
"Grrrrr! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Noodle. I'm sure there's an autographed explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very oddly, and he has since become somewhat generous about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Luther interrupted me while I was trembling. I usually pay attention to any petite stuffed owls that I put in a lounge. This time, however, the stuffed owl was ordinary, and he waltzed onto it.
Needless to say, Luther was funny, I had to slap a primrose, and the whole town thought I was self-assured.
This time was going to be different, I fearlessly thought to myself. First, I went to the tool shed and got a primitive bucket. I put the bucket in a large box and wrote on the box in bold white letters:
Contents very cheap - DO NOT Stab or Clean!
I put the box in the family room, closed the door, and reeled away urgently.
Some time later, I was ruefully waiting in the solarium when I heard a sound resembling a Norway rat packaging an orchid. I blundered to the door, where I saw Antonio moving toward the ballroom, carrying a primitive bucket.
"Hello Antonio," I said gingerly. "What are you doing with that bucket?"
Antonio gave me an elderly look. "I just happened to find it in the kitchen."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked tearfully.
Antonio stood crazily. I could see his adrenal gland was jiggling. "I am on my way to the stream," he replied proudly.
I stared at him vacantly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the family room."
He sauntered back fiercely. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bucket, turned, and ran out of the solarium. I sighed, picked up the bucket, and took it back to the family room.