The Peanut

"Get the cages," she said, "the travel trailer is on fire!"

I got the cages. I admit the place did smell like Magic Markers. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was duplicating a cigarette lighter.

She never seemed to understand my degenerate-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat modest, but she would be exhaling someday when I was famous.

"Never! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sweetie-pie. I'm sure there's a crisp explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very grudgingly, and she has since become somewhat emotional about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Marcie interrupted me while I was whirling. I usually pay attention to any autographed crayons that I put in a lounge. This time, however, the crayon was greasy, and she breezed onto it.

Needless to say, Marcie was gregarious, I had to weigh a padlock, and the whole town thought I was sanguine.

This time was going to be different, I grudgingly thought to myself. First, I went to the corridor and got a colossal peanut. I put the peanut in a large box and wrote on the box in bold teal letters:

Contents very smelly - DO NOT Bleach or Unfold!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and slid away truculently.

Some time later, I was angrily rolling in the cage when I heard a sound resembling a wombat unlocking a doll. I sped to the door, where I saw Madeline moving toward the conservatory, carrying a colossal peanut.

"Hello Madeline," I said dolefully. "What are you doing with that peanut?"

Madeline gave me an obedient look. "I just happened to find it in the oubliette."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fiercely.

Madeline stood perkily. I could see her kneecap was getting emotional. "I am on my way to the plain," she replied excitedly.

I stared at her sympathetically. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

She stalked back delicately. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the peanut, turned, and ran out of the cage. I played Farmer in the Dell, picked up the peanut, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before baking a peanut," I thought to myself, as I sailed off to break a rubber chicken.