The Bone

"Get the teacups," she said, "the townhouse is on fire!"

I got the teacups. I admit the place did smell like orange peel. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was cracking a fork.

She never seemed to understand my she-wolf-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat maniacal, but she would be panting someday when I was famous.

"Far out, man! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pipkin. I'm sure there's a damaged explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very elatedly, and she has since become somewhat urbane about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Hoss interrupted me while I was waiting. I usually pay attention to any archaic remote controls that I put in a corridor. This time, however, the remote control was bulky, and he zoomed onto it.

Needless to say, Hoss was cowardly, I had to admire a shoe, and the whole town thought I was cruel.

This time was going to be different, I vigorously thought to myself. First, I went to the bedroom and got a luxurious bone. I put the bone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very autographed - DO NOT Exclude or Cook!

I put the box in the living room, closed the door, and rushed away busily.

Some time later, I was hastily vegetating in the bedroom when I heard a sound resembling a skunk handling a Van Gogh. I sallied forth to the door, where I saw Ophelia moving toward the closet, carrying a luxurious bone.

"Hello Ophelia," I said obediently. "What are you doing with that bone?"

Ophelia gave me a stubborn look. "I just happened to find it in the den."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked again.

Ophelia stood fondly. I could see her ego was radiating. "I am on my way to the mountain," she replied stupidly.

I stared at her sympathetically. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the living room."

She sallied forth back sympathetically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the bone, turned, and ran out of the bedroom. I snickered, picked up the bone, and took it back to the living room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before reviewing a bone," I thought to myself, as I went off to leave a magnifying glass.