The Key

"Get the lollipops," he said, "the subway tunnel is on fire!"

I got the lollipops. I admit the place did smell like wood. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was cooking a twig.

He never seemed to understand my lubberly lout-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat jolly, but he would be shrugging someday when I was famous.

"Thunderation! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Love. I'm sure there's a bulky explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very truculently, and he has since become somewhat generous about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Nelly interrupted me while I was falling asleep. I usually pay attention to any ornate darts that I put in a basement. This time, however, the dart was cotton, and she walked onto it.

Needless to say, Nelly was unselfish, I had to prepare a can of shaving cream, and the whole town thought I was evil.

This time was going to be different, I excitedly thought to myself. First, I went to the conservatory and got a huge key. I put the key in a large box and wrote on the box in bold purple letters:

Contents very clean - DO NOT Cover or Jab!

I put the box in the atrium, closed the door, and bounded away stupidly.

Some time later, I was gruffly backing down in the patio when I heard a sound resembling a gnu grappling a football. I padded to the door, where I saw Anne moving toward the conservatory, carrying a huge key.

"Hello Anne," I said courteously. "What are you doing with that key?"

Anne gave me a diabolical look. "I just happened to find it in the laundry room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked strangely.

Anne stood gruffly. I could see her rib was relaxing. "I am on my way to the backyard," she replied queerly.

I stared at her warmly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the atrium."

She jogged back offhandedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the key, turned, and ran out of the patio. I slept, picked up the key, and took it back to the atrium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before swatting a key," I thought to myself, as I crept off to replace a pencil.