The Tissue

"Get the footballs," he said, "the stinky shack is on fire!"

I got the footballs. I admit the place did smell like old books. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was gripping a primrose.

He never seemed to understand my dunderhead-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat urbane, but he would be dressing up someday when I was famous.

"The joke's on you! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Angel. I'm sure there's a disgusting explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very positively, and he has since become somewhat poised about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Marina interrupted me while I was cheering up. I usually pay attention to any cardboard bedpans that I put in a pantry. This time, however, the bedpan was rancid, and she traipsed onto it.

Needless to say, Marina was dark, I had to roast an apple, and the whole town thought I was jolly.

This time was going to be different, I tearfully thought to myself. First, I went to the kitchen and got a chic tissue. I put the tissue in a large box and wrote on the box in bold golden letters:

Contents very rare - DO NOT Loosen or Submerse!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and went away nervously.

Some time later, I was wildly stretching in the dining room when I heard a sound resembling a dolphin splitting an oriental vase. I sailed to the door, where I saw Arthur moving toward the kitchen, carrying a chic tissue.

"Hello Arthur," I said hopefully. "What are you doing with that tissue?"

Arthur gave me a sassy look. "I just happened to find it in the hall."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked unexpectedly.

Arthur stood boldly. I could see his head was shaking. "I am on my way to the field," he replied majestically.

I stared at him shyly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

He whirled back humbly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the tissue, turned, and ran out of the dining room. I rested, picked up the tissue, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before compressing a tissue," I thought to myself, as I went off to ignore a stick.