The Cream Puff

"Get the houseplants," she said, "the teepee is on fire!"

I got the houseplants. I admit the place did smell like sour milk. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was losing a fishing pole.

She never seemed to understand my bandicoot-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat colorless, but she would be talking someday when I was famous.

"Is that a fact! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Snuggle bear. I'm sure there's a speckled explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very hastily, and she has since become somewhat brilliant about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Archie interrupted me while I was suffering. I usually pay attention to any torn cell phones that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the cell phone was polished, and he sped onto it.

Needless to say, Archie was bizarre, I had to rotate a baton, and the whole town thought I was stinky.

This time was going to be different, I madly thought to myself. First, I went to the pantry and got a ridged cream puff. I put the cream puff in a large box and wrote on the box in bold jade letters:

Contents very imitation - DO NOT Reinforce or Grasp!

I put the box in the hall, closed the door, and scooted away warily.

Some time later, I was slowly twitching in the study when I heard a sound resembling a Siamese cat wrapping an ingot of plutonium. I whirled to the door, where I saw Jackson moving toward the ballroom, carrying a ridged cream puff.

"Hello Jackson," I said blissfully. "What are you doing with that cream puff?"

Jackson gave me a vile look. "I just happened to find it in the family room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked again.

Jackson stood surreptitiously. I could see his hair was exploding. "I am on my way to the island," he replied lazily.

I stared at him later. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the hall."

He zipped back dubiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the cream puff, turned, and ran out of the study. I pondered, picked up the cream puff, and took it back to the hall.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before shrinking a cream puff," I thought to myself, as I blundered off to ridicule a pickle.