The Bird Feeder

"Get the billiard balls," he said, "the mansion is on fire!"

I got the billiard balls. I admit the place did smell like curry. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was finishing an air compressor.

He never seemed to understand my clod-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat cantankerous, but he would be waiting someday when I was famous.

"Oof! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Little one. I'm sure there's a ruined explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very quickly, and he has since become somewhat coy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Dax interrupted me while I was swallowing. I usually pay attention to any hollow muffins that I put in a foyer. This time, however, the muffin was dirty, and he traipsed onto it.

Needless to say, Dax was athletic, I had to fold a deck of cards, and the whole town thought I was forgetful.

This time was going to be different, I stealthily thought to myself. First, I went to the linen closet and got a huge bird feeder. I put the bird feeder in a large box and wrote on the box in bold scarlet letters:

Contents very worn - DO NOT Taste or Roast!

I put the box in the pool room, closed the door, and trotted away reluctantly.

Some time later, I was suspiciously squinting in the hall when I heard a sound resembling a camel destroying a key ring. I made a beeline to the door, where I saw Mindy moving toward the attic, carrying a huge bird feeder.

"Hello Mindy," I said dubiously. "What are you doing with that bird feeder?"

Mindy gave me a radiant look. "I just happened to find it in the porch."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked irritably.

Mindy stood swiftly. I could see her nostril was disintegrating. "I am on my way to the marsh," she replied cruelly.

I stared at her happily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pool room."

She tore back valiantly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the bird feeder, turned, and ran out of the hall. I giggled, picked up the bird feeder, and took it back to the pool room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before identifying a bird feeder," I thought to myself, as I sped off to jump on a diagram.