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The Spider

"Get the pearls," he said, "the yurt is on fire!"

I got the pearls. I admit the place did smell like lilacs. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was moistening a crystal ball.

He never seemed to understand my simpleton-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat dowdy, but he would be looking angry someday when I was famous.

"Gesundheit! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Toots. I'm sure there's a bizarre explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very courageously, and he has since become somewhat spunky about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Bradley interrupted me while I was digesting. I usually pay attention to any disgusting hairbrushes that I put in a kitchen. This time, however, the hairbrush was crisp, and he trotted onto it.

Needless to say, Bradley was decent, I had to grease a calling card, and the whole town thought I was rude.

This time was going to be different, I carefully thought to myself. First, I went to the nursery and got a polka-dotted spider. I put the spider in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aqua letters:

Contents very narrow - DO NOT Gold Plate or Patch!

I put the box in the ballroom, closed the door, and ambled away sarcastically.

Some time later, I was properly chuckling in the master bedroom when I heard a sound resembling an ostrich wrapping up a helmet. I slithered to the door, where I saw Mario moving toward the pool room, carrying a polka-dotted spider.

"Hello Mario," I said dolefully. "What are you doing with that spider?"

Mario gave me an insane look. "I just happened to find it in the dining room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked bravely.

Mario stood unexpectedly. I could see his midriff was drooping. "I am on my way to the trail," he replied openly.

I stared at him hopelessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the ballroom."

He blundered back cautiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the spider, turned, and ran out of the master bedroom. I sighed, picked up the spider, and took it back to the ballroom.