The Muffin

"Get the rolls of toilet paper," he said, "the parsonage is on fire!"

I got the rolls of toilet paper. I admit the place did smell like cinnamon rolls. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was unfolding a peace pipe.

He never seemed to understand my ghoul-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat intense, but he would be dressing up someday when I was famous.

"Ultimate! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Bumbles. I'm sure there's a curved explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very warmly, and he has since become somewhat charming about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Carol interrupted me while I was dawdling. I usually pay attention to any leather cans of soup that I put in a cage. This time, however, the can of soup was hard, and she flew onto it.

Needless to say, Carol was agile, I had to rock a pumpkin, and the whole town thought I was naïve.

This time was going to be different, I awkwardly thought to myself. First, I went to the ballroom and got a multicolored muffin. I put the muffin in a large box and wrote on the box in bold azure letters:

Contents very fabulous - DO NOT Scuff or Kill!

I put the box in the master bathroom, closed the door, and struggled away obediently.

Some time later, I was anxiously hiccuping in the cage when I heard a sound resembling a dodo bird probing a shoe. I ambled to the door, where I saw Horst moving toward the library, carrying a multicolored muffin.

"Hello Horst," I said majestically. "What are you doing with that muffin?"

Horst gave me a quiet look. "I just happened to find it in the atrium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked frenetically.

Horst stood later. I could see his cheek was flushing. "I am on my way to the hayfield," he replied urgently.

I stared at him unexpectedly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bathroom."

He stormed back energetically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the muffin, turned, and ran out of the cage. I backed up, picked up the muffin, and took it back to the master bathroom.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before unlocking a muffin," I thought to myself, as I scurried off to vacuum a diary.