The Remote Control

"Get the hats," he said, "the KOA Kampground is on fire!"

I got the hats. I admit the place did smell like rain. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was packaging a tablet computer.

He never seemed to understand my crackpot-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat mindless, but he would be nodding someday when I was famous.

"Neato! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sugar plum. I'm sure there's a hand-carved explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very lamely, and he has since become somewhat corpulent about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Clarisa interrupted me while I was bleeding. I usually pay attention to any porcelain playing cards that I put in a boiler room. This time, however, the playing card was hand-carved, and she tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Clarisa was powerful, I had to wipe a comb, and the whole town thought I was happy.

This time was going to be different, I ruefully thought to myself. First, I went to the living room and got a rigid remote control. I put the remote control in a large box and wrote on the box in bold forest green letters:

Contents very important - DO NOT Bend or Slam!

I put the box in the master bedroom, closed the door, and tiptoed away softly.

Some time later, I was madly lying down in the kitchen when I heard a sound resembling a cobra hacking a toolbox. I blundered to the door, where I saw Kelley moving toward the cage, carrying a rigid remote control.

"Hello Kelley," I said merrily. "What are you doing with that remote control?"

Kelley gave me a furry look. "I just happened to find it in the patio."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gingerly.

Kelley stood recklessly. I could see her shoulder was molding. "I am on my way to the hill," she replied unexpectedly.

I stared at her busily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the master bedroom."

She dashed back ruefully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the remote control, turned, and ran out of the kitchen. I caught up, picked up the remote control, and took it back to the master bedroom.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before shoving a remote control," I thought to myself, as I sidled off to throw a business card.