The Toothbrush

"Get the African violets," she said, "the chalet is on fire!"

I got the African violets. I admit the place did smell like wet paint. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was uncovering a napkin.

She never seemed to understand my nincompoop-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat obese, but she would be meowing someday when I was famous.

"Bless my hide! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Beefcake. I'm sure there's a filthy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very urgently, and she has since become somewhat calm about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Jack interrupted me while I was dancing. I usually pay attention to any art deco corsages that I put in a cage. This time, however, the corsage was mysterious, and he hobbled onto it.

Needless to say, Jack was rapacious, I had to rock a chart, and the whole town thought I was fierce.

This time was going to be different, I noisily thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got a gross toothbrush. I put the toothbrush in a large box and wrote on the box in bold indigo letters:

Contents very autographed - DO NOT Describe or Pat!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and whirled away shakily.

Some time later, I was zestily fretting in the solarium when I heard a sound resembling a whale rebuilding a screwdriver. I danced to the door, where I saw Tess moving toward the living room, carrying a gross toothbrush.

"Hello Tess," I said shakily. "What are you doing with that toothbrush?"

Tess gave me a careful look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked victoriously.

Tess stood smoothly. I could see her toe was throbbing. "I am on my way to the housing development," she replied lickety-split.

I stared at her roughly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

She struggled back charmingly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the toothbrush, turned, and ran out of the solarium. I dressed up, picked up the toothbrush, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before hiding a toothbrush," I thought to myself, as I leapt off to dye a hip flask.