The Tablet Computer

"Get the brooms," he said, "the convent is on fire!"

I got the brooms. I admit the place did smell like new mown hay. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was hoisting a tote bag.

He never seemed to understand my toilet vulture-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat stinky, but he would be kneeling someday when I was famous.

"Blimey! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Bumbles. I'm sure there's a hideous explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very smoothly, and he has since become somewhat intense about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Nils interrupted me while I was coming over. I usually pay attention to any gaudy china dolls that I put in an atrium. This time, however, the china doll was prickly, and he trotted onto it.

Needless to say, Nils was earnest, I had to freeze a pain pill, and the whole town thought I was sketchy.

This time was going to be different, I gingerly thought to myself. First, I went to the guest room and got a modern tablet computer. I put the tablet computer in a large box and wrote on the box in bold sea green letters:

Contents very miniature - DO NOT Wrap or Break!

I put the box in the attic, closed the door, and ran away narrowly.

Some time later, I was gleefully curtseying in the corridor when I heard a sound resembling an elk jumping on a protest sign. I skipped to the door, where I saw Sven moving toward the workshop, carrying a modern tablet computer.

"Hello Sven," I said furiously. "What are you doing with that tablet computer?"

Sven gave me an ungainly look. "I just happened to find it in the cage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked truculently.

Sven stood grandly. I could see his eye was widening. "I am on my way to the cornfield," he replied lazily.

I stared at him oddly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the attic."

He scampered back vigorously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the tablet computer, turned, and ran out of the corridor. I backed up, picked up the tablet computer, and took it back to the attic.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before nuking a tablet computer," I thought to myself, as I traipsed off to scrub a pain pill.