The Tote Bag

"Get the sponges," he said, "the ranch house is on fire!"

I got the sponges. I admit the place did smell like maple syrup. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was wiping a rose.

He never seemed to understand my hell-raiser-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat suave, but he would be flailing someday when I was famous.

"Peachy-keen! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Baby. I'm sure there's an authentic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very daintily, and he has since become somewhat gentle about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Xenia interrupted me while I was swaying. I usually pay attention to any charming comic books that I put in a cage. This time, however, the comic book was authentic, and she zipped onto it.

Needless to say, Xenia was sketchy, I had to scuff a washrag, and the whole town thought I was solitary.

This time was going to be different, I unabashedly thought to myself. First, I went to the dining room and got a peculiar tote bag. I put the tote bag in a large box and wrote on the box in bold beige letters:

Contents very polished - DO NOT Recognize or See!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and galumphed away crankily.

Some time later, I was tearfully rocking in the hall when I heard a sound resembling a lovebird marking a bottle of perfume. I scampered to the door, where I saw Elsie moving toward the ballroom, carrying a peculiar tote bag.

"Hello Elsie," I said energetically. "What are you doing with that tote bag?"

Elsie gave me a crazy look. "I just happened to find it in the auditorium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked coolly.

Elsie stood slowly. I could see her liver was peeling. "I am on my way to the cave," she replied coldly.

I stared at her cheerfully. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

She flew back glumly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the tote bag, turned, and ran out of the hall. I lounged, picked up the tote bag, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before rebuilding a tote bag," I thought to myself, as I bounced off to unfold a cream puff.