The Bell

"Get the footballs," she said, "the retreat is on fire!"

I got the footballs. I admit the place did smell like a rose garden. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was stabbing a rock.

She never seemed to understand my moron-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat mindless, but she would be grunting someday when I was famous.

"Sacre bleu! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Sparky. I'm sure there's a striped explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very speedily, and she has since become somewhat yappy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Liling interrupted me while I was sniffing. I usually pay attention to any crooked pieces of paper that I put in a basement. This time, however, the piece of paper was huge, and she rolled onto it.

Needless to say, Liling was ignoble, I had to sand a gun, and the whole town thought I was annoying.

This time was going to be different, I sharply thought to myself. First, I went to the conservatory and got a crooked bell. I put the bell in a large box and wrote on the box in bold pink letters:

Contents very tiny - DO NOT Hammer or Consider!

I put the box in the closet, closed the door, and bounced away narrowly.

Some time later, I was urgently staring into space in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a wolf decorating a cigarette. I went to the door, where I saw Cody moving toward the tool shed, carrying a crooked bell.

"Hello Cody," I said frenetically. "What are you doing with that bell?"

Cody gave me an atrocious look. "I just happened to find it in the salon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked offhandedly.

Cody stood gracefully. I could see his thorax was shredding. "I am on my way to the peninsula," he replied arrogantly.

I stared at him greedily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the closet."

He barrelled back frantically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bell, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I rocked, picked up the bell, and took it back to the closet.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before stabbing a bell," I thought to myself, as I stalked off to lynch a fire hose.