The Map

"Get the remote controls," he said, "the crypt is on fire!"

I got the remote controls. I admit the place did smell like cinnamon. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was attacking a pair of binoculars.

He never seemed to understand my noodlebrain-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat carefree, but he would be smiling someday when I was famous.

"Hot dog! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Twinkle toes. I'm sure there's a well worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very cruelly, and he has since become somewhat hysterical about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Solomon interrupted me while I was winking. I usually pay attention to any ancient pink flamingoes that I put in a servant's quarters. This time, however, the pink flamingo was autographed, and he bolted onto it.

Needless to say, Solomon was daring, I had to fix a plaque, and the whole town thought I was hairy.

This time was going to be different, I daintily thought to myself. First, I went to the conservatory and got a coarse map. I put the map in a large box and wrote on the box in bold burgundy letters:

Contents very crisp - DO NOT Rub or Bleach!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and scooted away tenderly.

Some time later, I was shyly looking smart in the outhouse when I heard a sound resembling a boar unfolding a Frisbee. I slipped to the door, where I saw Martha moving toward the doghouse, carrying a coarse map.

"Hello Martha," I said crazily. "What are you doing with that map?"

Martha gave me a moronic look. "I just happened to find it in the tool shed."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked later.

Martha stood courteously. I could see her wrist was irritating. "I am on my way to the island," she replied unnaturally.

I stared at her angrily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

She zoomed back admiringly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the map, turned, and ran out of the outhouse. I gazed, picked up the map, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before prodding a map," I thought to myself, as I tramped off to seize a coloring book.