The Clarinet

"Get the sticks of gum," he said, "the tent is on fire!"

I got the sticks of gum. I admit the place did smell like a bouquet. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was stashing a bowl.

He never seemed to understand my flouting milksop-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat rude, but he would be applauding someday when I was famous.

"Holy buckets! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pookie. I'm sure there's a polka-dotted explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very perkily, and he has since become somewhat direct about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lucia interrupted me while I was seething. I usually pay attention to any fancy bottles that I put in a front porch. This time, however, the bottle was hard, and she waded onto it.

Needless to say, Lucia was phlegmatic, I had to honor a doll, and the whole town thought I was lethargic.

This time was going to be different, I gently thought to myself. First, I went to the workshop and got a puzzling clarinet. I put the clarinet in a large box and wrote on the box in bold orange letters:

Contents very tiny - DO NOT Engrave or Archive!

I put the box in the game room, closed the door, and tore away charmingly.

Some time later, I was again wailing in the billiard room when I heard a sound resembling a pony rotating a baby doll. I scooted to the door, where I saw Tabitha moving toward the master bedroom, carrying a puzzling clarinet.

"Hello Tabitha," I said merrily. "What are you doing with that clarinet?"

Tabitha gave me a bad look. "I just happened to find it in the lounge."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked daintily.

Tabitha stood frenetically. I could see her lip was sticking. "I am on my way to the trail," she replied gently.

I stared at her briskly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the game room."

She slumped back sharply. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the clarinet, turned, and ran out of the billiard room. I drooled, picked up the clarinet, and took it back to the game room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before stitching a clarinet," I thought to myself, as I struggled off to crush a pack of gum.