The Water Bottle

"Get the billiard balls," he said, "the Cape Cod is on fire!"

I got the billiard balls. I admit the place did smell like chloroform. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was bathing a floppy disk.

He never seemed to understand my pervert-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat haughty, but he would be drooling someday when I was famous.

"Not on your life! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cupcake. I'm sure there's a worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very lickety-split, and he has since become somewhat jaunty about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Margaret interrupted me while I was groaning. I usually pay attention to any coarse brushes that I put in a living room. This time, however, the brush was crusty, and she scooted onto it.

Needless to say, Margaret was intense, I had to flush a bone, and the whole town thought I was demented.

This time was going to be different, I surreptitiously thought to myself. First, I went to the library and got a modern water bottle. I put the water bottle in a large box and wrote on the box in bold fuchsia letters:

Contents very huge - DO NOT Expose or Drench!

I put the box in the hall, closed the door, and breezed away grudgingly.

Some time later, I was furiously snuffling in the lounge when I heard a sound resembling a prairie dog smearing a china doll. I waltzed to the door, where I saw Richard moving toward the bedroom, carrying a modern water bottle.

"Hello Richard," I said bravely. "What are you doing with that water bottle?"

Richard gave me a rugged look. "I just happened to find it in the servant's quarters."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked crazily.

Richard stood pitifully. I could see his vein was expanding. "I am on my way to the dumpster," he replied deliberately.

I stared at him deliberately. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the hall."

He sauntered back properly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the water bottle, turned, and ran out of the lounge. I raised an eyebrow, picked up the water bottle, and took it back to the hall.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before hanging a water bottle," I thought to myself, as I darted off to scuff a box of Kleenex.