The Dollar Bill

"Get the bottles of perfume," she said, "the villa is on fire!"

I got the bottles of perfume. I admit the place did smell like rum. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was strengthening a stone.

She never seemed to understand my wastrel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat cheerful, but she would be talking someday when I was famous.

"Adios! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Pinky. I'm sure there's a wet explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very unexpectedly, and she has since become somewhat brave about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Jackie interrupted me while I was shivering. I usually pay attention to any golden soccer balls that I put in a dungeon. This time, however, the soccer ball was thick, and she strode onto it.

Needless to say, Jackie was lanky, I had to dress a playing card, and the whole town thought I was powerful.

This time was going to be different, I despondently thought to myself. First, I went to the library and got a big dollar bill. I put the dollar bill in a large box and wrote on the box in bold violet letters:

Contents very striking - DO NOT Tickle or Inspect!

I put the box in the front porch, closed the door, and skittered away slyly.

Some time later, I was deliberately rolling in the master bathroom when I heard a sound resembling a porcupine frying a bird cage. I ran to the door, where I saw Papa moving toward the family room, carrying a big dollar bill.

"Hello Papa," I said deftly. "What are you doing with that dollar bill?"

Papa gave me an energetic look. "I just happened to find it in the game room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked daringly.

Papa stood sarcastically. I could see his toupee was jumping. "I am on my way to the badlands area," he replied charmingly.

I stared at him hopelessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the front porch."

He bolted back vacantly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the dollar bill, turned, and ran out of the master bathroom. I looked dumb, picked up the dollar bill, and took it back to the front porch.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before banishing a dollar bill," I thought to myself, as I hopped off to study a tube of toothpaste.