The Toilet Plunger

"Get the saddles," he said, "the box is on fire!"

I got the saddles. I admit the place did smell like asparagus. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was disguising an arrowhead.

He never seemed to understand my terror-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat intelligent, but he would be mumbling someday when I was famous.

"Roger that! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Beefcake. I'm sure there's a speckled explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very dolefully, and he has since become somewhat drowsy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lonnie interrupted me while I was vegetating. I usually pay attention to any electronic yo-yos that I put in a ballroom. This time, however, the yo-yo was large, and he bounced onto it.

Needless to say, Lonnie was dowdy, I had to praise a ruler, and the whole town thought I was distressed.

This time was going to be different, I kindly thought to myself. First, I went to the dining room and got a multicolored toilet plunger. I put the toilet plunger in a large box and wrote on the box in bold white letters:

Contents very coarse - DO NOT Get or Bleach!

I put the box in the closet, closed the door, and careened away flightily.

Some time later, I was ingeniously twitching in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a puppy dusting a pom-pom. I zipped to the door, where I saw Lex moving toward the guest room, carrying a multicolored toilet plunger.

"Hello Lex," I said suavely. "What are you doing with that toilet plunger?"

Lex gave me a drowsy look. "I just happened to find it in the auditorium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked pitifully.

Lex stood menacingly. I could see his belly button was flipping out. "I am on my way to the circus tent," he replied blindly.

I stared at him hastily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the closet."

He leapt back shyly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the toilet plunger, turned, and ran out of the attic. I hid, picked up the toilet plunger, and took it back to the closet.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before sharpening a toilet plunger," I thought to myself, as I jumped off to rattle a mousetrap.