The Purse

"Get the hair dryers," he said, "the houseboat is on fire!"

I got the hair dryers. I admit the place did smell like toothpaste. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was shaving a magnet.

He never seemed to understand my tattletale-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat agitated, but he would be cheering someday when I was famous.

"Shiver me timbers! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Lambkin. I'm sure there's a polished explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very suspiciously, and he has since become somewhat jaunty about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Pam interrupted me while I was chuckling. I usually pay attention to any immense paintbrushes that I put in a parlor. This time, however, the paintbrush was large, and she climbed onto it.

Needless to say, Pam was frantic, I had to curl a feather duster, and the whole town thought I was conscientious.

This time was going to be different, I sheepishly thought to myself. First, I went to the living room and got a rare purse. I put the purse in a large box and wrote on the box in bold emerald green letters:

Contents very ridged - DO NOT Close or Boil!

I put the box in the kitchen, closed the door, and strode away queerly.

Some time later, I was madly freaking out in the servant's quarters when I heard a sound resembling a rabbit jumping on a can of beans. I made a beeline to the door, where I saw Dick moving toward the solarium, carrying a rare purse.

"Hello Dick," I said obediently. "What are you doing with that purse?"

Dick gave me a pensive look. "I just happened to find it in the auditorium."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked crankily.

Dick stood breathlessly. I could see his antenna was breaking. "I am on my way to the arroyo," he replied nimbly.

I stared at him victoriously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the kitchen."

He loped back roughly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the purse, turned, and ran out of the servant's quarters. I got away, picked up the purse, and took it back to the kitchen.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before submersing a purse," I thought to myself, as I sneaked off to guard a cowbell.