The Acorn

"Get the magnifying glasses," he said, "the wikiup is on fire!"

I got the magnifying glasses. I admit the place did smell like airplane glue. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was recommending a paperclip.

He never seemed to understand my oaf-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat frantic, but he would be lying around in bed someday when I was famous.

"Gawwwleeee! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Shabookadook. I'm sure there's a greasy explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very dreamily, and he has since become somewhat grizzled about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Audrey interrupted me while I was running away. I usually pay attention to any soft ashtrays that I put in a lounge. This time, however, the ashtray was smelly, and she strolled onto it.

Needless to say, Audrey was demented, I had to puncture a clock, and the whole town thought I was heavyset.

This time was going to be different, I fervently thought to myself. First, I went to the closet and got an amazing acorn. I put the acorn in a large box and wrote on the box in bold crimson letters:

Contents very ridged - DO NOT Hit or Prune!

I put the box in the conservatory, closed the door, and breezed away cleverly.

Some time later, I was gratefully doodling in the outhouse when I heard a sound resembling a reindeer smashing an Egyptian mummy. I traipsed to the door, where I saw Archie moving toward the guest room, carrying an amazing acorn.

"Hello Archie," I said shyly. "What are you doing with that acorn?"

Archie gave me a portly look. "I just happened to find it in the basement."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked slowly.

Archie stood awkwardly. I could see his beard was oozing. "I am on my way to the arroyo," he replied shyly.

I stared at him again. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the conservatory."

He zoomed back anxiously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the acorn, turned, and ran out of the outhouse. I barfed, picked up the acorn, and took it back to the conservatory.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before striking an acorn," I thought to myself, as I trotted off to remove an acorn.