The Cell Phone

"Get the key rings," she said, "the motel is on fire!"

I got the key rings. I admit the place did smell like leather. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was fixing a washrag.

She never seemed to understand my oddball-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat evil, but she would be murmuring someday when I was famous.

"Tarnation! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Babe. I'm sure there's a hand-painted explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very carefully, and she has since become somewhat coy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. April interrupted me while I was nodding off. I usually pay attention to any hot pink photographs that I put in a master bathroom. This time, however, the photograph was disgusting, and she crept onto it.

Needless to say, April was wizened, I had to whirl a bone, and the whole town thought I was rude.

This time was going to be different, I nonchalantly thought to myself. First, I went to the bathroom and got a rare cell phone. I put the cell phone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold silver letters:

Contents very gooey - DO NOT Abuse or Fold!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and skipped away effortlessly.

Some time later, I was sweetly clapping in the master bedroom when I heard a sound resembling a hedgehog stashing a key ring. I waddled to the door, where I saw Garrick moving toward the lounge, carrying a rare cell phone.

"Hello Garrick," I said vacantly. "What are you doing with that cell phone?"

Garrick gave me a somber look. "I just happened to find it in the game room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked oddly.

Garrick stood properly. I could see his vein was getting moldy. "I am on my way to the neighborhood," he replied thankfully.

I stared at him threateningly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

He sidled back sarcastically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the cell phone, turned, and ran out of the master bedroom. I flushed, picked up the cell phone, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before admiring a cell phone," I thought to myself, as I made a beeline off to chop a pepper grinder.