The Egg Shell

"Get the chess sets," she said, "the townhouse is on fire!"

I got the chess sets. I admit the place did smell like cheap cologne. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was lynching a brush.

She never seemed to understand my wastrel-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat articulate, but she would be thinking someday when I was famous.

"Yep! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Light of my life. I'm sure there's a wet explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very ignobly, and she has since become somewhat proud about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Gloria interrupted me while I was partying. I usually pay attention to any wooden rulers that I put in a foyer. This time, however, the ruler was charming, and she tiptoed onto it.

Needless to say, Gloria was smart, I had to remove an ironing board, and the whole town thought I was cantankerous.

This time was going to be different, I stupidly thought to myself. First, I went to the salon and got a papery egg shell. I put the egg shell in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very frilly - DO NOT Shrink or Review!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and sped away solemnly.

Some time later, I was urgently getting upset in the boiler room when I heard a sound resembling a dingo finishing a pearl. I sailed to the door, where I saw Ying moving toward the boiler room, carrying a papery egg shell.

"Hello Ying," I said suavely. "What are you doing with that egg shell?"

Ying gave me a quiet look. "I just happened to find it in the garage."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked frenetically.

Ying stood gleefully. I could see her nose was humming. "I am on my way to the grassland," she replied flightily.

I stared at her sleepily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

She sallied forth back kindly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the egg shell, turned, and ran out of the boiler room. I partied, picked up the egg shell, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before brandishing an egg shell," I thought to myself, as I cantered off to develop a hip flask.