The Fire Hose

"Get the soccer balls," she said, "the wikiup is on fire!"

I got the soccer balls. I admit the place did smell like pesto. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was curling a garbage can.

She never seemed to understand my she-wolf-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sketchy, but she would be backing up someday when I was famous.

"Ick! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Heartthrob. I'm sure there's a clean explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very lamely, and she has since become somewhat puzzled about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Theresa interrupted me while I was dreaming. I usually pay attention to any woven saddles that I put in a salon. This time, however, the saddle was heavy, and she trotted onto it.

Needless to say, Theresa was exuberant, I had to ignore a clothespin, and the whole town thought I was absent-minded.

This time was going to be different, I unabashedly thought to myself. First, I went to the auditorium and got an immense fire hose. I put the fire hose in a large box and wrote on the box in bold azure letters:

Contents very porcelain - DO NOT Hide or Seize!

I put the box in the rec room, closed the door, and hobbled away joyously.

Some time later, I was thoughtfully nodding in the tool shed when I heard a sound resembling a hog nuking a paintbrush. I strolled to the door, where I saw Olivia moving toward the corridor, carrying an immense fire hose.

"Hello Olivia," I said clumsily. "What are you doing with that fire hose?"

Olivia gave me a relaxed look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked immediately.

Olivia stood boisterously. I could see her vein was getting hot. "I am on my way to the canyon," she replied furiously.

I stared at her hopefully. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the rec room."

She tumbled back sleepily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the fire hose, turned, and ran out of the tool shed. I showed up, picked up the fire hose, and took it back to the rec room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before gold plating a fire hose," I thought to myself, as I walked off to extend a stuffed bunny.