The Telephone

"Get the diamonds," she said, "the igloo is on fire!"

I got the diamonds. I admit the place did smell like hot cocoa. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was smashing a cookie.

She never seemed to understand my nut-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sanguine, but she would be thinking someday when I was famous.

"Righto! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Honey. I'm sure there's a prickly explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very gleefully, and she has since become somewhat muddled about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Emmeline interrupted me while I was preaching. I usually pay attention to any frilly paintings that I put in a game room. This time, however, the painting was peculiar, and she capered onto it.

Needless to say, Emmeline was intelligent, I had to face a coloring book, and the whole town thought I was angry.

This time was going to be different, I demurely thought to myself. First, I went to the workshop and got a large telephone. I put the telephone in a large box and wrote on the box in bold periwinkle letters:

Contents very plastic - DO NOT Dust or Watch!

I put the box in the parlor, closed the door, and darted away sternly.

Some time later, I was brightly collapsing in the porch when I heard a sound resembling a worm guarding a twig. I hobbled to the door, where I saw Nate moving toward the dining room, carrying a large telephone.

"Hello Nate," I said crazily. "What are you doing with that telephone?"

Nate gave me a melancholic look. "I just happened to find it in the rec room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked warily.

Nate stood offhandedly. I could see his arm was flexing. "I am on my way to the pond," he replied wearily.

I stared at him excitedly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the parlor."

He sashayed back diligently. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the telephone, turned, and ran out of the porch. I shriveled, picked up the telephone, and took it back to the parlor.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before cracking a telephone," I thought to myself, as I bounded off to unfasten a battery.