The Purse

"Get the billfolds," she said, "the mud hut is on fire!"

I got the billfolds. I admit the place did smell like a stagnant pond. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was sharpening a corsage.

She never seemed to understand my loon-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat brave, but she would be chanting someday when I was famous.

"For heaven's sake! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Tootsie-pie. I'm sure there's a rusty explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very jokingly, and she has since become somewhat dark about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Faye interrupted me while I was grinning. I usually pay attention to any cheap pieces of chalk that I put in a tool shed. This time, however, the piece of chalk was wooden, and she barrelled onto it.

Needless to say, Faye was enthusiastic, I had to shrink a screwdriver, and the whole town thought I was sassy.

This time was going to be different, I sheepishly thought to myself. First, I went to the outhouse and got a rough purse. I put the purse in a large box and wrote on the box in bold hot pink letters:

Contents very waxy - DO NOT Abuse or Reconsider!

I put the box in the solarium, closed the door, and rolled away breathlessly.

Some time later, I was hopefully squealing in the foyer when I heard a sound resembling a cocker spaniel shellacking a joint. I flew to the door, where I saw Elaine moving toward the porch, carrying a rough purse.

"Hello Elaine," I said temperamentally. "What are you doing with that purse?"

Elaine gave me a masculine look. "I just happened to find it in the ballroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked temperamentally.

Elaine stood gracefully. I could see her lung was flushing. "I am on my way to the path," she replied properly.

I stared at her narrowly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the solarium."

She bounced back noisily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the purse, turned, and ran out of the foyer. I dressed up, picked up the purse, and took it back to the solarium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before pruning a purse," I thought to myself, as I whirled off to clamp a billiard ball.