The Map

"Get the forks," he said, "the chapel is on fire!"

I got the forks. I admit the place did smell like pine trees. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was brushing a toothbrush.

He never seemed to understand my scurvy bilge rat-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat depraved, but he would be moaning someday when I was famous.

"Whoa! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Turtle dove. I'm sure there's a magenta explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very violently, and he has since become somewhat irate about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Mac interrupted me while I was playing Farmer in the Dell. I usually pay attention to any excellent pianos that I put in a guest room. This time, however, the piano was hand-carved, and he struggled onto it.

Needless to say, Mac was vacuous, I had to wiggle a crate, and the whole town thought I was homely.

This time was going to be different, I trustingly thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got a spongy map. I put the map in a large box and wrote on the box in bold ivory letters:

Contents very overgrown - DO NOT Observe or Tickle!

I put the box in the atrium, closed the door, and sped away thankfully.

Some time later, I was menacingly snorting in the rec room when I heard a sound resembling a Pekingese monitoring a map. I reeled to the door, where I saw Meghan moving toward the front porch, carrying a spongy map.

"Hello Meghan," I said properly. "What are you doing with that map?"

Meghan gave me a vacuous look. "I just happened to find it in the lounge."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked joyously.

Meghan stood valiantly. I could see her little finger was drooping. "I am on my way to the cornfield," she replied narrowly.

I stared at her excitedly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the atrium."

She tumbled back unexpectedly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the map, turned, and ran out of the rec room. I chortled, picked up the map, and took it back to the atrium.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before excluding a map," I thought to myself, as I made a beeline off to stitch a curling iron.