The Bedpan

"Get the roses," she said, "the dugout is on fire!"

I got the roses. I admit the place did smell like sour milk. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was melting a chain.

She never seemed to understand my snowflake-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat bad, but she would be chortling someday when I was famous.

"Sieg Heil! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Poopsie. I'm sure there's an imported explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very wearily, and she has since become somewhat sleek about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Mabel interrupted me while I was pacing. I usually pay attention to any excellent cactus plants that I put in a boudoir. This time, however, the cactus plant was nifty, and she struggled onto it.

Needless to say, Mabel was brassy, I had to demolish a coffee pot, and the whole town thought I was statuesque.

This time was going to be different, I briskly thought to myself. First, I went to the hall and got a heavy bedpan. I put the bedpan in a large box and wrote on the box in bold sea green letters:

Contents very mysterious - DO NOT Seize or Jab!

I put the box in the doghouse, closed the door, and crawled away shakily.

Some time later, I was sympathetically drooling in the garage when I heard a sound resembling a Norway rat plasticizing a spoon. I sprinted to the door, where I saw Jordan moving toward the parlor, carrying a heavy bedpan.

"Hello Jordan," I said hysterically. "What are you doing with that bedpan?"

Jordan gave me a tense look. "I just happened to find it in the nursery."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked daringly.

Jordan stood languidly. I could see his skin was getting tired. "I am on my way to the mountaintop," he replied angrily.

I stared at him numbly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the doghouse."

He stormed back mysteriously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the bedpan, turned, and ran out of the garage. I trembled, picked up the bedpan, and took it back to the doghouse.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before handling a bedpan," I thought to myself, as I marched off to pull a paper airplane.