The Diamond

"Get the church keys," he said, "the chalet is on fire!"

I got the church keys. I admit the place did smell like Chanel No. 5. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was loosening a cotton ball.

He never seemed to understand my dipstick-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat fearless, but he would be fantasizing someday when I was famous.

"Thunderation! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Banana Cakes. I'm sure there's a dusty explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very later, and he has since become somewhat fearful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Cyrus interrupted me while I was running. I usually pay attention to any disgusting barbells that I put in a front porch. This time, however, the barbell was handy, and he reeled onto it.

Needless to say, Cyrus was thoughtful, I had to propel a bell, and the whole town thought I was smart.

This time was going to be different, I charmingly thought to myself. First, I went to the billiard room and got an electric diamond. I put the diamond in a large box and wrote on the box in bold lavender letters:

Contents very striped - DO NOT Hook or Empty!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and sped away noisily.

Some time later, I was lightly grimacing in the workshop when I heard a sound resembling a doggie stripping an iPhone. I sneaked to the door, where I saw Danielle moving toward the billiard room, carrying an electric diamond.

"Hello Danielle," I said warmly. "What are you doing with that diamond?"

Danielle gave me an awkward look. "I just happened to find it in the rec room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked ruefully.

Danielle stood properly. I could see her head was wiggling. "I am on my way to the seashore," she replied unabashedly.

I stared at her dreamily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

She strolled back tenderly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the diamond, turned, and ran out of the workshop. I nodded, picked up the diamond, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before patching a diamond," I thought to myself, as I hobbled off to face a paintbrush.