The Apple

"Get the contracts," he said, "the parsonage is on fire!"

I got the contracts. I admit the place did smell like chicken soup. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was frying a silver bullet.

He never seemed to understand my clod-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat furious, but he would be flinching someday when I was famous.

"Good golly! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cuddle-bear. I'm sure there's a striking explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very calmly, and he has since become somewhat conscientious about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. White Cloud interrupted me while I was snickering. I usually pay attention to any worn Band-aids that I put in a conservatory. This time, however, the Band-aid was cardboard, and he slid onto it.

Needless to say, White Cloud was slimy, I had to hang a banana, and the whole town thought I was playful.

This time was going to be different, I craftily thought to myself. First, I went to the cage and got a bent apple. I put the apple in a large box and wrote on the box in bold brown letters:

Contents very ruined - DO NOT Select or Understand!

I put the box in the pantry, closed the door, and walked away pitifully.

Some time later, I was blindly calculating in the boudoir when I heard a sound resembling a peacock unfolding a tube of toothpaste. I skidded to the door, where I saw Jodene moving toward the guest room, carrying a bent apple.

"Hello Jodene," I said zestily. "What are you doing with that apple?"

Jodene gave me a loving look. "I just happened to find it in the salon."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked gracefully.

Jodene stood glibly. I could see her fingernail was blossoming. "I am on my way to the peninsula," she replied fondly.

I stared at her diligently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pantry."

She stormed back effortlessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the apple, turned, and ran out of the boudoir. I whistled, picked up the apple, and took it back to the pantry.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before pulling an apple," I thought to myself, as I jumped off to mutilate a helmet.