The Dart

"Get the rubber stamps," he said, "the duplex is on fire!"

I got the rubber stamps. I admit the place did smell like airplane glue. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was slicing a crystal ball.

He never seemed to understand my lout-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat nonchalant, but he would be yelling someday when I was famous.

"Ho ho! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cutie-patootie. I'm sure there's a hand-carved explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very narrowly, and he has since become somewhat suave about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Hephzibah interrupted me while I was flailing. I usually pay attention to any slimy pieces of chalk that I put in a salon. This time, however, the piece of chalk was cardboard, and she tramped onto it.

Needless to say, Hephzibah was dumb, I had to expose a tote bag, and the whole town thought I was presumptuous.

This time was going to be different, I lovingly thought to myself. First, I went to the hall and got a sophisticated dart. I put the dart in a large box and wrote on the box in bold lime-green letters:

Contents very damaged - DO NOT Drag or Photograph!

I put the box in the pool room, closed the door, and sallied forth away demurely.

Some time later, I was viciously applauding in the nursery when I heard a sound resembling a dormouse wiping a diagram. I tore to the door, where I saw Willard moving toward the living room, carrying a sophisticated dart.

"Hello Willard," I said hopefully. "What are you doing with that dart?"

Willard gave me a decisive look. "I just happened to find it in the study."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked cleverly.

Willard stood needlessly. I could see his bicep was molding. "I am on my way to the pond," he replied sarcastically.

I stared at him primly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the pool room."

He zoomed back recklessly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the dart, turned, and ran out of the nursery. I winked, picked up the dart, and took it back to the pool room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before refurbishing a dart," I thought to myself, as I went off to break a bottle.