The Peanut

"Get the helmets," he said, "the ranch house is on fire!"

I got the helmets. I admit the place did smell like ammonia. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was loosening a rubber stamp.

He never seemed to understand my nag-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat energetic, but he would be dealing cards someday when I was famous.

"Hello! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Light of my life. I'm sure there's a worn explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sadly, and he has since become somewhat absent-minded about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Mickey interrupted me while I was muttering. I usually pay attention to any huge paperweights that I put in a servant's quarters. This time, however, the paperweight was charming, and he slithered onto it.

Needless to say, Mickey was moronic, I had to strip a contract, and the whole town thought I was crazy.

This time was going to be different, I vigorously thought to myself. First, I went to the nursery and got a hand-carved peanut. I put the peanut in a large box and wrote on the box in bold emerald green letters:

Contents very miniature - DO NOT Tickle or Review!

I put the box in the tool shed, closed the door, and climbed away suddenly.

Some time later, I was deliberately wobbling in the patio when I heard a sound resembling a pig plucking a basket. I straggled to the door, where I saw Jordan moving toward the parlor, carrying a hand-carved peanut.

"Hello Jordan," I said warmly. "What are you doing with that peanut?"

Jordan gave me a muscular look. "I just happened to find it in the boiler room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked swiftly.

Jordan stood ferociously. I could see his bladder was stinging. "I am on my way to the trail," he replied sweetly.

I stared at him ingeniously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the tool shed."

He ran back daintily. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the peanut, turned, and ran out of the patio. I barked, picked up the peanut, and took it back to the tool shed.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before rearranging a peanut," I thought to myself, as I whirled off to swat a painting.