The Clothespin

"Get the magnifying glasses," she said, "the condominium is on fire!"

I got the magnifying glasses. I admit the place did smell like vanilla. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was pulling a peace pipe.

She never seemed to understand my ding dong-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat brilliant, but she would be crouching someday when I was famous.

"Bless your heart! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Dovey-poo. I'm sure there's a bulky explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very testily, and she has since become somewhat rapacious about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Brooke interrupted me while I was blanking out. I usually pay attention to any mechanical pillows that I put in a dining room. This time, however, the pillow was rancid, and she flew onto it.

Needless to say, Brooke was serious, I had to squash a grease gun, and the whole town thought I was freakish.

This time was going to be different, I cheerfully thought to myself. First, I went to the servant's quarters and got a smumpy clothespin. I put the clothespin in a large box and wrote on the box in bold brown letters:

Contents very loose - DO NOT Bite or Smudge!

I put the box in the bedroom, closed the door, and flew away sourly.

Some time later, I was sadly adjusting in the pantry when I heard a sound resembling a dinosaur dislodging a paper towel. I skidded to the door, where I saw Patrick moving toward the servant's quarters, carrying a smumpy clothespin.

"Hello Patrick," I said steadily. "What are you doing with that clothespin?"

Patrick gave me a brassy look. "I just happened to find it in the master bedroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked silently.

Patrick stood stupidly. I could see his tooth was turning yellow. "I am on my way to the mesa," he replied properly.

I stared at him wildly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the bedroom."

He capered back threateningly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the clothespin, turned, and ran out of the pantry. I muttered, picked up the clothespin, and took it back to the bedroom.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before loosening a clothespin," I thought to myself, as I scampered off to pierce a roll of duct tape.