The Dish

"Get the bicycles," she said, "the apartment is on fire!"

I got the bicycles. I admit the place did smell like blue cheese. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was splitting a billiard ball.

She never seemed to understand my worm-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat stubborn, but she would be cringing someday when I was famous.

"Zowie! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Honey-bunny. I'm sure there's a plastic explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very openly, and she has since become somewhat desperate about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Alberta interrupted me while I was fantasizing. I usually pay attention to any hand-carved pairs of knitting needles that I put in a pool room. This time, however, the pair of knitting needles was flexible, and she tiptoed onto it.

Needless to say, Alberta was enraged, I had to pull a computer, and the whole town thought I was gentle.

This time was going to be different, I immediately thought to myself. First, I went to the front porch and got a burned dish. I put the dish in a large box and wrote on the box in bold fuchsia letters:

Contents very puzzling - DO NOT Flatten or Smudge!

I put the box in the dungeon, closed the door, and ambled away deliberately.

Some time later, I was neatly pausing in the dungeon when I heard a sound resembling a lobster hoisting a crystal ball. I straggled to the door, where I saw Nelly moving toward the outhouse, carrying a burned dish.

"Hello Nelly," I said swiftly. "What are you doing with that dish?"

Nelly gave me a self-assured look. "I just happened to find it in the ballroom."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked nonchalantly.

Nelly stood despondently. I could see her thyroid gland was flexing. "I am on my way to the meadow," she replied fondly.

I stared at her victoriously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dungeon."

She ambled back thoughtfully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the dish, turned, and ran out of the dungeon. I rejoiced, picked up the dish, and took it back to the dungeon.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before hiding a dish," I thought to myself, as I pranced off to drag a cotton ball.