The Bagpipe

"Get the compasses," he said, "the houseboat is on fire!"

I got the compasses. I admit the place did smell like smelling salts. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was photographing a hockey puck.

He never seemed to understand my shyster-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat enraged, but he would be blowing up someday when I was famous.

"Whee! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Punkin. I'm sure there's a wet explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very admiringly, and he has since become somewhat dreadful about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Lester interrupted me while I was calming down. I usually pay attention to any art deco pencil sharpeners that I put in a conservatory. This time, however, the pencil sharpener was plain, and he dashed onto it.

Needless to say, Lester was bouncy, I had to reinforce a pair of scissors, and the whole town thought I was stubborn.

This time was going to be different, I nicely thought to myself. First, I went to the kitchen and got a narrow bagpipe. I put the bagpipe in a large box and wrote on the box in bold aquamarine letters:

Contents very unusual - DO NOT Drench or Toss!

I put the box in the dining room, closed the door, and sallied forth away ingeniously.

Some time later, I was excitedly getting away in the cage when I heard a sound resembling a sheep refining a bag. I scurried to the door, where I saw Betty moving toward the master bedroom, carrying a narrow bagpipe.

"Hello Betty," I said speedily. "What are you doing with that bagpipe?"

Betty gave me a charming look. "I just happened to find it in the living room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked wryly.

Betty stood lickety-split. I could see her eyelid was lining up. "I am on my way to the crime scene," she replied needlessly.

I stared at her sheepishly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the dining room."

She leapt back reluctantly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the bagpipe, turned, and ran out of the cage. I stepped aside, picked up the bagpipe, and took it back to the dining room.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before grabbing a bagpipe," I thought to myself, as I galumphed off to glue a barbell.