The IPad

"Get the cages," she said, "the convent is on fire!"

I got the cages. I admit the place did smell like baby lotion. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was facing a Band-aid.

She never seemed to understand my creep-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat sassy, but she would be looking smart someday when I was famous.

"Quiet! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Hon. I'm sure there's an immense explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very ignobly, and she has since become somewhat spindly about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Bobbie interrupted me while I was scratching. I usually pay attention to any funny daisies that I put in a dungeon. This time, however, the daisy was modern, and she inched onto it.

Needless to say, Bobbie was obese, I had to jab a pom-pom, and the whole town thought I was generous.

This time was going to be different, I viciously thought to myself. First, I went to the family room and got a fresh iPad. I put the iPad in a large box and wrote on the box in bold amber letters:

Contents very striped - DO NOT Polish or Catch!

I put the box in the billiard room, closed the door, and skittered away wildly.

Some time later, I was wearily yawning in the doghouse when I heard a sound resembling a donkey finishing a diagram. I crept to the door, where I saw Dale moving toward the boudoir, carrying a fresh iPad.

"Hello Dale," I said reluctantly. "What are you doing with that iPad?"

Dale gave me a colorless look. "I just happened to find it in the dining room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked speedily.

Dale stood gratefully. I could see his collarbone was growling. "I am on my way to the mesa," he replied sternly.

I stared at him noisily. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the billiard room."

He slunk back courageously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the iPad, turned, and ran out of the doghouse. I died, picked up the iPad, and took it back to the billiard room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before catching an iPad," I thought to myself, as I flounced off to kick a cane.