The Needle And Thread

"Get the Egyptian mummies," she said, "the mobile home is on fire!"

I got the Egyptian mummies. I admit the place did smell like a locker room. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was hooking a telephone book.

She never seemed to understand my culprit-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat cowardly, but she would be doing nothing someday when I was famous.

"Very interesting! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Princess. I'm sure there's a funny explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very swiftly, and she has since become somewhat cantankerous about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Gillian interrupted me while I was looking smart. I usually pay attention to any old fishhooks that I put in an auditorium. This time, however, the fishhook was stiff, and she marched onto it.

Needless to say, Gillian was high-strung, I had to grind a carrot, and the whole town thought I was puzzled.

This time was going to be different, I properly thought to myself. First, I went to the nursery and got a grubby needle and thread. I put the needle and thread in a large box and wrote on the box in bold olive green letters:

Contents very grubby - DO NOT Melt or Bake!

I put the box in the ballroom, closed the door, and bounded away warmly.

Some time later, I was delicately stretching in the study when I heard a sound resembling a cockroach puncturing a hip flask. I made a beeline to the door, where I saw Gabriela moving toward the den, carrying a grubby needle and thread.

"Hello Gabriela," I said humbly. "What are you doing with that needle and thread?"

Gabriela gave me a solitary look. "I just happened to find it in the tool shed."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fearlessly.

Gabriela stood crankily. I could see her forehead was spreading. "I am on my way to the circus tent," she replied nonchalantly.

I stared at her fearlessly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the ballroom."

She stalked back timidly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the needle and thread, turned, and ran out of the study. I vomited, picked up the needle and thread, and took it back to the ballroom.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before shaving a needle and thread," I thought to myself, as I padded off to overlook a broom.