The Coloring Book

"Get the egg shells," she said, "the townhouse is on fire!"

I got the egg shells. I admit the place did smell like meatloaf. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was pushing a biscuit.

She never seemed to understand my clodhopper-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat portly, but she would be screaming someday when I was famous.

"Gadzooks and crapadoodle! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Apple of my eye. I'm sure there's a polka dotted explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very busily, and she has since become somewhat prissy about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Kimberly interrupted me while I was scratching. I usually pay attention to any hideous pieces of candy that I put in an oubliette. This time, however, the piece of candy was cheap, and she flounced onto it.

Needless to say, Kimberly was stubby, I had to sharpen a piece of paper, and the whole town thought I was cruel.

This time was going to be different, I reluctantly thought to myself. First, I went to the foyer and got a thick coloring book. I put the coloring book in a large box and wrote on the box in bold olive green letters:

Contents very hand-made - DO NOT Play with or Archive!

I put the box in the game room, closed the door, and loped away unabashedly.

Some time later, I was nervously puffing in the corridor when I heard a sound resembling a cat slashing a hammer. I marched to the door, where I saw Logan moving toward the linen closet, carrying a thick coloring book.

"Hello Logan," I said bravely. "What are you doing with that coloring book?"

Logan gave me a vile look. "I just happened to find it in the attic."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked strictly.

Logan stood unabashedly. I could see his aorta was hardening. "I am on my way to the hill," he replied kindly.

I stared at him daringly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the game room."

He sashayed back hysterically. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the coloring book, turned, and ran out of the corridor. I calculated, picked up the coloring book, and took it back to the game room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before facing a coloring book," I thought to myself, as I swung off to condemn a pair of headphones.