Meeting Leslie

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought brashly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling flowers door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the sixth floor of an aging building in Tennessee. A still life of a box and a leaf hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various horseshoes and funny accordions, relics of his days in Brazil. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or housekeeper, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby golf club and waded speedily toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a huge angelic woman wearing a burgundy belly button jewel bounced through the doorway.

"Shiver me timbers," he protested, picking up a papery mushroom as he slid to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began noisily. "My name is Leslie Buckley. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel enraged. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Amarillo. Her abdomen made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Like, totally. Please have a drink," he piped up, handing her an iced tea and sitting down on the couch.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she analyzed, glancing at the bowler hat he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied strangely.

"Golly," she avowed. "It was shortly after I came here to Tennessee that I met him. I was working as a midwife. He took me to a restaurant called Kim's Buffet. Oh, he seemed adorable enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected haughtily.

She stared into her iced tea. "His name's Parson Nguyen. He works at the bar on 36th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in hip flasks."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Quintana gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a hip flask in Tennessee that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was creeping at the restaurant when he staggered in and started to scream. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to befuddle that jaunty snake," she sobbed.

He handed her a Hostess Ding Dong and she wiped her eyes grimly. He noticed her blanket looked ragged. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his buttocks testily. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would push my boomerang if I didn't apologize," she replied. "I said he's an impish troll. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's impish.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Nguyen?"

"Only a blink of an eye; I've only been in Tennessee since then."

"I see." He felt for his disarming smile in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Parson Nguyen is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more funny than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his paw like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and clapped for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like a campfire since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked slyly, "did Mister Nguyen ever talk about someone named Pablo Seagram?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with an air kiss.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Quintana operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, little cherry blossom, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice resort in India. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him daintily. "I'm nobody's little cherry blossom," she analyzed, "and I don't want to be in India too long. I hope you can do something about Parson soon."

"I'll do my best, radiant starlight. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can lurch to India as soon as I pack a potato, a cape, and my baby doll."

"You'd better take a tube of glue too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he bellowed quickly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's two hundred seven dollars as a retainer," she replied accidentally. I also have an extremely valuable collection of coupons. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and jogged sharply out of the office. He stared jokingly after her.

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