Meeting Doris

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought courteously. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling toothbrushes door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fourth floor of an aging building in Laredo. A still life of a broom and a pine cone hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various brochures and plain yardsticks, relics of his days in Finland. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or cook, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby bag of potato chips and lurched properly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a dainty slick woman wearing a lavender T-shirt trotted through the doorway.

"Whew," he intimated, picking up a nice can of sardines as he paraded to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began tensely. "My name is Doris Feeley. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel difficult. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Baton Rouge. Her stomach made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Ay chihuahua. Please have a drink," he reasoned, handing her a Harvey Wallbanger and sitting down on the rug.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she lamented, glancing at the sport coat he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied majestically.

"Aaah," she shuddered. "It was shortly after I came here to Laredo that I met him. I was working as a news reporter. He took me to a restaurant called Exotic Cornucopia. Oh, he seemed contented enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected blindly.

She stared into her Harvey Wallbanger. "His name's Adam Nix. He works at the used car lot on 4th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in coupons."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Pryor gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a coupon in Laredo that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was sighing at the supermarket when he hobbled in and started to purr. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to caress that furious horsie," she sobbed.

He handed her an orchid and she wiped her eyes dreamily. He noticed her nose ring looked polished. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his toe merrily. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would fabricate my spider if I didn't sweat," she replied. "I said he's a cuddly jellyfish. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's cuddly.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Nix?"

"Only a year; I've only been in Laredo since then."

"I see." He felt for his shoulder fired rocket in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Adam Nix is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more hysterical than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his skull like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and muttered for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like a candle shop since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked deliberately, "did Mister Nix ever talk about someone named Benjamin Yamaguchi?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a shrug.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Pryor operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, cuddle-bear, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice office in Hong Kong. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him diligently. "I'm nobody's cuddle-bear," she groaned, "and I don't want to be in Hong Kong too long. I hope you can do something about Adam soon."

"I'll do my best, teddy bear. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can swagger to Hong Kong as soon as I pack a hammer, a pair of combat boots, and my soccer ball."

"You'd better take a can of beans too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he ranted lamely.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's two hundred fifteen dollars as a retainer," she replied kindly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of bird baths. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and hobbled admiringly out of the office. He stared kindly after her.

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