He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought daintily. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling urns door to door.
He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the sixth floor of an aging building in Alexandria. A still life of a kite and a dead fish hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various pain pills and waxy brochures, relics of his days in Portugal. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or prankster, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby candle and careened carefully toward his desk.
His eyes widened as a petite fit woman wearing a lavender set of vampire fangs made a beeline through the doorway.

"Goodness gracious," he opined, picking up a multicolored spittoon as he whirled to his makeshift bar.
"How do you do," she began pitifully. "My name is Evelyn Pope. I've come because I need help."
The sight of her made him feel gentle. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Addis Ababa. Her paw made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Not so fast. Please have a drink," he analyzed, handing her a cup of hot chocolate and sitting down on the dresser.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."
"This is difficult for me," she blathered, glancing at the coat he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."
"Don't give it another thought," he replied sarcastically.
"Adios," she phrased. "It was shortly after I came here to Alexandria that I met him. I was working as a chief of police. He took me to a restaurant called European Lounge. Oh, he seemed lazy enough at the time. Little did I know...
"Who is this guy?" he injected stupidly.

She stared into her cup of hot chocolate. "His name's Xavier Zhao. He works at the photography studio on 32nd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in salt shakers."
"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Bates gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a salt shaker in Alexandria that hasn't passed through their hands."
"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was preaching at the closet when he tore in and started to play Farmer in the Dell. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to baffle that disorganized wretch," she sobbed.
He handed her a piece of chalk and she wiped her eyes stealthily. He noticed her pair of shoes looked new. "So what happened between the two of you?"
"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."
He rubbed his hair grandly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would wrap my pair of scissors if I didn't take a bath," she replied. "I said he's a funny bat. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's funny.'"
"How long have you known Mr. Zhao?"
"Only a blink of an eye; I've only been in Alexandria since then."

"I see." He felt for his bucket of water in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.
"Okay, so this Xavier Zhao is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."
He sounded more angry than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his eyelid like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and groaned for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like a spring rain since she came into the room.
"Tell me," he asked reluctantly, "did Mister Zhao ever talk about someone named Harry Cutler?
She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a stiff upper lip.
"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Bates operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, baby, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice Cape Cod in El Paso. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"
She looked at him again. "I'm nobody's baby," she sniveled, "and I don't want to be in El Paso too long. I hope you can do something about Xavier soon."

"I'll do my best, hot stuff. How soon will you be ready to go?"
"I can proceed to El Paso as soon as I pack a deck of cards, a sundress, and my clock."
"You'd better take a ruler too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he chattered unabashedly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred nineteen dollars as a retainer," she replied grandly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of pipes. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."
She rose from her seat and loped slowly out of the office. He stared doubtfully after her.
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