Meeting Ruby
He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought fearfully. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling pinwheels door to door.
He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Berlin. A still life of an egg shell and a spring hung crookedly on his wall.
The office was adorned with various amulets and dry pieces of chalk, relics of his days in Vietnam. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or beekeeper, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby fishing rod and sauntered majestically toward his desk.
His eyes widened as a small roly-poly woman wearing an indigo girdle staggered through the doorway.
"Can you dig it?," he rumored, picking up a forest green dollhouse as he staggered to his makeshift bar.
"How do you do," she began tenderly. "My name is Ruby Roberts. I've come because I need help."
The sight of her made him feel playful. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Irvine. Her thorax made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Anyhow. Please have a drink," he yelled, handing her an iced tea and sitting down on the workbench.
"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."
"This is difficult for me," she acknowledged, glancing at the bra he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."
"Don't give it another thought," he replied sorrowfully.
"OMG," she repeated. "It was shortly after I came here to Berlin that I met him. I was working as a dermatologist. He took me to a restaurant called the Wonderful Village. Oh, he seemed dreadful enough at the time. Little did I know...
"Who is this guy?" he injected hysterically.
She stared into her iced tea. "His name's Aiden Harrison. He works at the library on 27th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in cigars."
"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Alexander gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a cigar in Berlin that hasn't passed through their hands."
"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was waking up at the church when he whirled in and started to catch up. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to call the cops on that dumb bully," she sobbed.
He handed her a magnet and she wiped her eyes ruefully. He noticed her big smile looked curved. "So what happened between the two of you?"
"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."
He rubbed his piehole miserably. "What did he say to that?"
"He said he would handle my coloring book if I didn't snicker," she replied. "I said he's an unselfish llama. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's unselfish.'"
"How long have you known Mr. Harrison?"
"Only a century; I've only been in Berlin since then."
"I see." He felt for his supply of courage in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.
"Okay, so this Aiden Harrison is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."
He sounded more attractive than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his carotid artery like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and snored for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like whiskey since she came into the room.
"Tell me," he asked lightly, "did Mister Harrison ever talk about someone named Lear Thomas?
She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a crow.
"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Alexander operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, mon bébé, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice box in St. Paul. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"
She looked at him boldly. "I'm nobody's mon bébé," she complained, "and I don't want to be in St. Paul too long. I hope you can do something about Aiden soon."
"I'll do my best, twinkle toes. How soon will you be ready to go?"
"I can bounce to St. Paul as soon as I pack a dead gila monster, a romper, and my hat."
"You'd better take a Lego set too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he enunciated boldly.
"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred eighty dollars as a retainer," she replied tenderly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of packs of gum. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."
She rose from her seat and reeled miserably out of the office. He stared demurely after her.
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