Meeting Gloria

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought wearily. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling clocks door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the eighth floor of an aging building in Greensboro. A still life of a shoe and a bear track hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various accordions and large yo-yos, relics of his days in Kosovo. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or tax collector, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby cookie and straggled suavely toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a gaunt alert woman wearing an olive green dirndl capered through the doorway.

"Exaltations," he divulged, picking up a soft toy as he sashayed to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began ignobly. "My name is Gloria Dietrich. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel miniscule. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Algiers. Her palm made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Please. Please have a drink," he roared, handing her a sassafras tea and sitting down on the cushion.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she yawned, glancing at the award medal he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied later.

"Ppppbbbft," she comforted. "It was shortly after I came here to Greensboro that I met him. I was working as a bank robber. He took me to a restaurant called the Hot Sun. Oh, he seemed megalomaniacal enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected proudly.

She stared into her sassafras tea. "His name's Kellen Sandhu. He works at the ice cream parlor on 44th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in batteries."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Martin gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a battery in Greensboro that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was looking smart at the synagogue when he whirled in and started to ruminate. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to jab that disagreeable cream puff," she sobbed.

He handed her a sea shell and she wiped her eyes fearfully. He noticed her tailcoat looked worn. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his fingernail slowly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would liquify my boomerang if I didn't back up," she replied. "I said he's a polite Doberman. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's polite.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Sandhu?"

"Only a day; I've only been in Greensboro since then."

"I see." He felt for his rubber band in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Kellen Sandhu is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more rude than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his face like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and showed up for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like lemons since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked unabashedly, "did Mister Sandhu ever talk about someone named Horatio Xi?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a sigh.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Martin operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, little cherry blossom, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice condominium in Armenia. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him swiftly. "I'm nobody's little cherry blossom," she stammered, "and I don't want to be in Armenia too long. I hope you can do something about Kellen soon."

"I'll do my best, main squeeze. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can leap to Armenia as soon as I pack a stapler, a tank top, and my coloring book."

"You'd better take a pipe too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he decided solemnly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's three hundred twelve dollars as a retainer," she replied valiantly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of bird baths. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and dove oddly out of the office. He stared needlessly after her.

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