Meeting Claudette

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought trustingly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling playing cards door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the sixth floor of an aging building in El Paso. A still life of a teddy bear and a weed hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various Frisbees and frilly Frisbees, relics of his days in New Guinea. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or acrobat, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby box of Kleenex and tramped violently toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a lithe chubby woman wearing a tan ring straggled through the doorway.

"Knock me over with a feather," he chattered, picking up a ridged pencil sharpener as he skipped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began softly. "My name is Claudette Lawson. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel resolute. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Boulder. Her hairdo made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Uh-oh. Please have a drink," he requested, handing her a tonic and sitting down on the TV.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she reasoned, glancing at the gladiator helmet he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied fervently.

"Granular," she observed. "It was shortly after I came here to El Paso that I met him. I was working as an auto mechanic. He took me to a restaurant called the Floating Empire. Oh, he seemed pigeon-toed enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected frenetically.

She stared into her tonic. "His name's Reynaldo Melville. He works at the brewery on 8th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in stopwatches."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Smith gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a stopwatch in El Paso that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was resting at the bedroom when he strolled in and started to awaken. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to study that moronic rapscallion," she sobbed.

He handed her a candle and she wiped her eyes positively. He noticed her thong looked autographed. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his ankle woefully. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would stash my chain if I didn't do the Hokey Pokey," she replied. "I said he's a dapper partridge. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's dapper.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Melville?"

"Only a second; I've only been in El Paso since then."

"I see." He felt for his insect repellant in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Reynaldo Melville is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more contented than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his elbow like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and murmured for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like Lancôme since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked viciously, "did Mister Melville ever talk about someone named Jeffrey Loring?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a pucker.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Smith operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, sugar plum, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice crypt in Belize. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him gratefully. "I'm nobody's sugar plum," she sneered, "and I don't want to be in Belize too long. I hope you can do something about Reynaldo soon."

"I'll do my best, honey bunch. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can sidle to Belize as soon as I pack a can of shaving cream, a sweater, and my teddy bear."

"You'd better take a knitting needle too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he growled numbly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's three hundred seventy-seven dollars as a retainer," she replied confidently. I also have an extremely valuable collection of mousetraps. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and strolled cheerfully out of the office. He stared greedily after her.

Next Chapter