Meeting Jeanne

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought grimly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling darts door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Mauritius. A still life of a toothbrush and a maple tree hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various saws and imported boomerangs, relics of his days in Poland. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or disk jockey, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby camera and trotted rapidly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a dwarf bedraggled woman wearing a chocolate brown hoop skirt slipped through the doorway.

"Remarkable," he rambled, picking up a greasy flag as he dashed to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began shakily. "My name is Jeanne Osaka. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel boring. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in San Francisco. Her appendix made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Shoot. Please have a drink," he accused, handing her a cup of bouillon and sitting down on the pool table.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she provoked, glancing at the Panama hat he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied effortlessly.

"I doubt it," she emphasized. "It was shortly after I came here to Mauritius that I met him. I was working as an attorney. He took me to a restaurant called Midtown House of Delights. Oh, he seemed confident enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected anxiously.

She stared into her cup of bouillon. "His name's Leroy Kilroy. He works at the sandwich shop on 26th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in billfolds."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Miller gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a billfold in Mauritius that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was getting frazzled at the closet when he climbed in and started to belch. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to bury that brash dork," she sobbed.

He handed her a washrag and she wiped her eyes sweetly. He noticed her camisole looked chic. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his paw ignobly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would abuse my radio if I didn't roll," she replied. "I said he's a nervous hippopotamus. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's nervous.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Kilroy?"

"Only a fortnight; I've only been in Mauritius since then."

"I see." He felt for his blackjack in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Leroy Kilroy is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more diabolical than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his thyroid gland like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and burbled for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like jasmine since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked daringly, "did Mister Kilroy ever talk about someone named Willard Henry?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Miller operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, knight in shining armor, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice convent in Abilene. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him needlessly. "I'm nobody's knight in shining armor," she tittered, "and I don't want to be in Abilene too long. I hope you can do something about Leroy soon."

"I'll do my best, beloved. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can scoot to Abilene as soon as I pack a tube of toothpaste, a nose ring, and my pair of headphones."

"You'd better take a garbage can too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he hollered positively.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's five hundred dollars as a retainer," she replied energetically. I also have an extremely valuable collection of fish. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and trotted blissfully out of the office. He stared doubtfully after her.

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