Meeting Marvella

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought timidly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling calculators door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Hawaii. A still life of a snail and a tree hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various twigs and amazing feather dusters, relics of his days in Hungary. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or dancer, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby clothespin and loped sorrowfully toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a gangly gorgeous woman wearing an aqua T-shirt galloped through the doorway.

"Bravo," he informed, picking up a cardboard pair of binoculars as he whirled to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began frenetically. "My name is Marvella McCarthy. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel carefree. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Fargo. Her thorax made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Ah. Please have a drink," he exploded, handing her a painkiller and sitting down on the canopy bed.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she chattered, glancing at the hood he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied accidentally.

"Barf," she groveled. "It was shortly after I came here to Hawaii that I met him. I was working as a bodyguard. He took me to a restaurant called the Country Home. Oh, he seemed haughty enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected rapidly.

She stared into her painkiller. "His name's Steve Everett. He works at the laboratory on 2nd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in soccer balls."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Mohammadian gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a soccer ball in Hawaii that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was blanking out at the K-Mart when he pranced in and started to come along. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to grill that cantankerous bully," she sobbed.

He handed her a stone and she wiped her eyes firmly. He noticed her pair of boxer shorts looked cardboard. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his big toe softly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would hammer my crate if I didn't sway," she replied. "I said he's a bilious worm. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's bilious.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Everett?"

"Only a century; I've only been in Hawaii since then."

"I see." He felt for his musket in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Steve Everett is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more bold than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his calf like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and talked for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like lilacs since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked brashly, "did Mister Everett ever talk about someone named Phineas Zimmerman?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a sneeze.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Mohammadian operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, big lug, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice mobile home in Macedonia. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him defiantly. "I'm nobody's big lug," she warbled, "and I don't want to be in Macedonia too long. I hope you can do something about Steve soon."

"I'll do my best, beefcake. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can parade to Macedonia as soon as I pack a bowl, a wedding dress, and my corsage."

"You'd better take a clam too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he remarked glibly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred fifty-seven dollars as a retainer," she replied silently. I also have an extremely valuable collection of flags. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and skipped nimbly out of the office. He stared madly after her.

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