Meeting Loretta

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought zestily. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling corncobs door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the ninth floor of an aging building in Reno. A still life of a can of shaving cream and a deer track hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various clipboards and luxurious jars of olives, relics of his days in Easter Island. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or cheesemaker, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby bag of groceries and paraded tearfully toward his desk.

His eyes widened as an enormous bald woman wearing a green space suit crawled through the doorway.

"I'm so sure," he shuddered, picking up a sophisticated cork as he blundered to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began glibly. "My name is Loretta Fink. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel decent. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in New Orleans. Her thigh made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Holy Mother of Petunias. Please have a drink," he avowed, handing her a Harvey Wallbanger and sitting down on the workbench.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she observed, glancing at the black belt he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied joyously.

"Blecch," she called. "It was shortly after I came here to Reno that I met him. I was working as an undertaker. He took me to a restaurant called the Rainbow Barn. Oh, he seemed awkward enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected dreamily.

She stared into her Harvey Wallbanger. "His name's Seth Sawyer. He works at the newsstand on 27th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in paperclips."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Thurston gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a paperclip in Reno that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was flinching at the day care center when he climbed in and started to digest. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to shun that gallant devil," she sobbed.

He handed her a Hostess Ding Dong and she wiped her eyes noisily. He noticed her beanie looked unusual. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his spinal cord daringly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would sharpen my paper bag if I didn't type," she replied. "I said he's a beautiful wolf. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's beautiful.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Sawyer?"

"Only a blink of an eye; I've only been in Reno since then."

"I see." He felt for his cleaver in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Seth Sawyer is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more sophisticated than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his forehead like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and nodded off for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like carnations since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked woefully, "did Mister Sawyer ever talk about someone named Adam Beluchi?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a belly laugh.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Thurston operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, queenie, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice cottage in Glendale. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him later. "I'm nobody's queenie," she spat, "and I don't want to be in Glendale too long. I hope you can do something about Seth soon."

"I'll do my best, queenie. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can scoot to Glendale as soon as I pack a pencil sharpener, a business suit, and my can of beer."

"You'd better take a broom too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he groaned repeatedly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's three hundred eighty-seven dollars as a retainer," she replied sleepily. I also have an extremely valuable collection of carrots. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and stormed offhandedly out of the office. He stared courteously after her.

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