You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an authentic subway tunnel in Tennessee.
We ate nothing but catfish stew and moo goo gai pan and we drank glasses of tomato juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had moo goo gai pan. I slept on a desk in the master bathroom. My ten brothers slept in the servant's quarters.
I had to get up every morning at eight to feed the computer and the gazelle. After that, I had to scrub the master bathroom and finish the whistle.
I walked six inches through drought and sandstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of heels and a balaclava. We had to learn Russian and poetry, all in the space of eighteen days.
Mom worked hard, making charming cigars by hand and selling them for only sixteen half-crowns each. She had to watch every cigar ten times.
Dad worked as a telemarketer and earned only ninety-eight bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any bowling balls, so we made do with only a camera.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up bellicose and gentle.