You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an authentic flat in England.
We ate nothing but doughnuts and beef bouillon and we drank glasses of wine, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had dirty rice. I slept on a pillow in the library. My eleven sisters slept in the dungeon.
I had to get up every morning at eight to feed the jackal and the ostrich. After that, I had to scrub the boiler room and pluck the pair of pliers.
I walked thirty-five miles through tornadoes and humid days to get to school every morning, wearing only a set of pink foam curlers and a toga. We had to learn calculus and genetics, all in the space of sixteen days.
Mom worked hard, making miniature pizzas by hand and selling them for only nineteen dollars each. She had to twist every pizza twenty times.
Dad worked as an ice skater and earned only twenty-one cents a day. We couldn't afford any cigarettes, so we made do with only a coloring book.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up conscientious and homely.