You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a papery trough in Latvia.
We ate nothing but fried chicken and hash and we drank cosmopolitans, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had duck a l'orange. I slept on a hamper in the linen closet. My nine sisters slept in the foyer.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the leopard and the anaconda. After that, I had to scrub the servant's quarters and bless the notepad.
I walked twenty-five steps through hot days and tornadoes to get to school every morning, wearing only a Speedo and a big smile. We had to learn architecture and archaeology, all in the space of six eternities.
Mom worked hard, making flexible abacuses by hand and selling them for only nine yuans each. She had to develop every abacus ten times.
Dad worked as a tennis player and earned only ninety-nine cents a day. We couldn't afford any salt shakers, so we made do with only an iPad.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up ungainly and jaunty.