You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an aqua crypt in Buffalo.
We ate nothing but egg drop soup and prime rib and we drank gimlets, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Saturdays we had French fries. I slept on a chair in the boiler room. My eleven sisters slept in the family room.
I had to get up every morning at eight to feed the cheetah and the meerkat. After that, I had to scrub the nursery and leave the bag of potato chips.
I walked twelve steps through rainbows and snowstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of Bermuda shorts and a bedsheet. We had to learn molecular biology and manners, all in the space of nineteen hours.
Mom worked hard, making burned candy bars by hand and selling them for only twenty quarters each. She had to overturn every candy bar nine times.
Dad worked as a drummer and earned only twelve Euros a day. We couldn't afford any pots, so we made do with only a washrag.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up obedient and haughty.