You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an electronic igloo in Singapore.
We ate nothing but lobster and chicken gumbo and we drank Long Island iced teas, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had shrimp. I slept on a rug in the auditorium. My eight sisters slept in the kitchen.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the tsetse fly and the manticore. After that, I had to scrub the closet and bathe the helmet.
I walked thirty hops through dust storms and dust storms to get to school every morning, wearing only a floppy hat and a pair of shoes. We had to learn poetry and accounting, all in the space of two fortnights.
Mom worked hard, making gooey paperweights by hand and selling them for only sixteen crowns each. She had to whirl every paperweight nineteen times.
Dad worked as a rubbish collector and earned only nine bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any decks of cards, so we made do with only a lemon.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up irate and cheerful.