You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a curved cave in Moldova.
We ate nothing but steak and macaroni and cheese and we drank Jack Daniel's, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had fried eggs. I slept on a settee in the guest room. My eight brothers slept in the boudoir.
I had to get up every morning at ten to feed the hedgehog and the walrus. After that, I had to scrub the solarium and interpret the fingernail clipper.
I walked thirty jumps through lightning storms and floods to get to school every morning, wearing only a big smile and a robe. We had to learn oceanography and psychology, all in the space of sixteen seconds.
Mom worked hard, making ruined yo-yos by hand and selling them for only twenty-one bitcoin each. She had to empty every yo-yo twenty-nine times.
Dad worked as a wine merchant and earned only eighty-four pfennig a day. We couldn't afford any pens, so we made do with only a bottle.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up exuberant and pert.