You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a hand-made mud hut in Jakarta.
We ate nothing but egg rolls and succotash and we drank V8s, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Fridays we had chicken soup. I slept on a wardrobe in the parlor. My eight brothers slept in the conservatory.
I had to get up every morning at eleven to feed the hyena and the hornet. After that, I had to scrub the bedroom and crush the smart phone.
I walked ten yards through blizzards and windy days to get to school every morning, wearing only a stethoscope and an award medal. We had to learn accounting and chemistry, all in the space of three weeks.
Mom worked hard, making smumpy hacksaws by hand and selling them for only twenty-three food stamps each. She had to score every hacksaw seven times.
Dad worked as an astrologer and earned only fourteen dollars a day. We couldn't afford any stuffed bunnies, so we made do with only an elephant tusk.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up pert and beautiful.