You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a damaged cave in Gainesville.
We ate nothing but enchiladas and falafel and we drank shots of whiskey, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had smoked salmon. I slept on a card table in the solarium. My six sisters slept in the patio.
I had to get up every morning at four to feed the polar bear and the bandicoot. After that, I had to scrub the study and remove the barbell.
I walked twenty-nine furlongs through hot, sunny days and palls of doom to get to school every morning, wearing only a bustier and a pair of khakis. We had to learn scuba diving and social studies, all in the space of four minutes.
Mom worked hard, making odd billfolds by hand and selling them for only twenty dimes each. She had to clean every billfold twenty-two times.
Dad worked as an illustrator and earned only twenty-nine dimes a day. We couldn't afford any toys, so we made do with only a coloring book.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up considerate and noble.