You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a used convent in Mali.
We ate nothing but hash and squash blossom soup and we drank glasses of milk, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Thursdays we had Hamburger Helper. I slept on a china cabinet in the living room. My five sisters slept in the auditorium.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the bumblebee and the ghost. After that, I had to scrub the servant's quarters and glue the toolbox.
I walked twenty-three kilometers through earthquakes and downpours to get to school every morning, wearing only a pacifier and a dog collar. We had to learn penmanship and herbalism, all in the space of five blinks of an eye.
Mom worked hard, making imported dead hermit crabs by hand and selling them for only nineteen pesos each. She had to smear every dead hermit crab thirty times.
Dad worked as a petroleum engineer and earned only fourteen bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any saws, so we made do with only a cane.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up hairy and fashionable.