You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a cardboard KOA Kampground in Montgomery.
We ate nothing but tacos and doughnuts and we drank Brandies Alexander, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had country glazed ham. I slept on a canopy bed in the rec room. My four sisters slept in the solarium.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the hyena and the ox. After that, I had to scrub the porch and whack the magazine.
I walked five centimeters through hurricanes and bits of precipitation to get to school every morning, wearing only a black armband and a pair of earrings. We had to learn architecture and public relations, all in the space of one week.
Mom worked hard, making rough boxes of Kleenex by hand and selling them for only four guineas each. She had to shrink every box of Kleenex twenty-six times.
Dad worked as a mattress tester and earned only thirty-three yuans a day. We couldn't afford any pacifiers, so we made do with only a statue.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up coy and moronic.