You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a cheap manor house in the Swiss Alps.
We ate nothing but oatmeal and popcorn and we drank glasses of orange juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had chicken soup. I slept on a display case in the living room. My three sisters slept in the parlor.
I had to get up every morning at twelve to feed the turtle and the prairie dog. After that, I had to scrub the front porch and protect the billfold.
I walked twenty-eight kilometers through hurricanes and hurricanes to get to school every morning, wearing only a poodle skirt and a nose ring. We had to learn public relations and astronomy, all in the space of four years.
Mom worked hard, making synthetic vases by hand and selling them for only twenty-three quarters each. She had to shred every vase seventeen times.
Dad worked as a road worker and earned only ninety-six francs a day. We couldn't afford any church keys, so we made do with only a smart phone.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up elderly and vile.