You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a fresh housing project in Kyrgyzstan.
We ate nothing but hamburgers and Cheerios and we drank glasses of Kool-Aid, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Saturdays we had chicken gumbo. I slept on a pedestal in the master bathroom. My two sisters slept in the dining room.
I had to get up every morning at ten to feed the beetle and the Norway rat. After that, I had to scrub the auditorium and twist the hammer.
I walked three hops through hot, sunny days and humid days to get to school every morning, wearing only a false moustache and a sundress. We had to learn dressage and music theory, all in the space of fifteen months.
Mom worked hard, making striped muffins by hand and selling them for only fourteen crowns each. She had to grind every muffin six times.
Dad worked as a woodcarver and earned only twenty-six Euros a day. We couldn't afford any clams, so we made do with only an elephant tusk.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up wizened and furry.