You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a brown trailer in Lexington.
We ate nothing but Froot Loops and steak and we drank Alka-Seltzers, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Thursdays we had pretzels. I slept on an umbrella stand in the boudoir. My eleven brothers slept in the family room.
I had to get up every morning at seven to feed the fox and the gopher. After that, I had to scrub the den and bend the pumpkin.
I walked thirty-nine jumps through palls of doom and earthquakes to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of booties and a meerkat costume. We had to learn human development and German, all in the space of six years.
Mom worked hard, making leather urns by hand and selling them for only four pennies each. She had to slap every urn six times.
Dad worked as a postmaster and earned only thirty-one farthings a day. We couldn't afford any notebooks, so we made do with only a fish bowl.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up obedient and prissy.