You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a spongy retreat in Portland.
We ate nothing but strawberry shortcake and dirty rice and we drank Mudslides, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had waffles. I slept on a mattress in the billiard room. My seven brothers slept in the oubliette.
I had to get up every morning at ten to feed the bird and the pheasant. After that, I had to scrub the master bathroom and switch the chamber pot.
I walked twenty-nine feet through typhoons and rainbows to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of briefs and an apron. We had to learn programming and grassland management, all in the space of eight lifetimes.
Mom worked hard, making authentic oranges by hand and selling them for only seventeen ha'pennies each. She had to slash every orange four times.
Dad worked as a church usher and earned only seventy-two yuans a day. We couldn't afford any playing cards, so we made do with only a bell.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up dignified and gallant.