You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a slimy townhouse in Fort Worth.
We ate nothing but steak and pumpkin pie and we drank fruit smoothies, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Wednesdays we had bread and butter. I slept on a futon in the linen closet. My ten brothers slept in the nursery.
I had to get up every morning at six to feed the pelican and the zebra. After that, I had to scrub the conservatory and re-evaluate the stone.
I walked five millimeters through tornadoes and dust storms to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of briefs and a romper. We had to learn engineering and literature, all in the space of eleven minutes.
Mom worked hard, making stiff diagrams by hand and selling them for only seven yuans each. She had to whirl every diagram two times.
Dad worked as a tennis player and earned only thirty-nine guineas a day. We couldn't afford any teapots, so we made do with only a bag of ice.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up corpulent and hairy.