You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a hefty geodesic dome in Kentucky.
We ate nothing but macaroni and ravioli and we drank shots of whiskey, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had sauerkraut. I slept on a floor in the attic. My eleven brothers slept in the salon.
I had to get up every morning at twelve to feed the jaguar and the sasquatch. After that, I had to scrub the attic and strengthen the hammer.
I walked twenty-six hops through blizzards and pelting rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a T-shirt and a tutu. We had to learn plumbing and entomology, all in the space of seven fortnights.
Mom worked hard, making fancy tablet computers by hand and selling them for only nineteen francs each. She had to puncture every tablet computer twenty-nine times.
Dad worked as a police officer and earned only twenty-eight million dollars a day. We couldn't afford any twigs, so we made do with only an iPad.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up hungry and ungainly.