You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a small condominium in Akron.
We ate nothing but hamburgers and hamburgers and we drank Pepto Bismols, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Fridays we had roast beef. I slept on an umbrella stand in the family room. My ten sisters slept in the parlor.
I had to get up every morning at twelve to feed the fish and the mouse. After that, I had to scrub the foyer and annoint the mushroom.
I walked thirty-four hops through downpours and tornadoes to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of ear muffs and a coat of mail. We had to learn astrophysics and physical education, all in the space of nine minutes.
Mom worked hard, making stuffed bowling balls by hand and selling them for only twenty stock options each. She had to label every bowling ball two times.
Dad worked as a dermatologist and earned only sixty-one pesos a day. We couldn't afford any boomerangs, so we made do with only a cigarette.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up nonchalant and exuberant.