You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an imported mud hut in Belarus.
We ate nothing but mushroom quiche and pizza and we drank glasses of tomato juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Saturdays we had waffles. I slept on a TV in the linen closet. My ten sisters slept in the outhouse.
I had to get up every morning at eight to feed the badger and the parrot. After that, I had to scrub the game room and crush the tissue.
I walked twenty-four blocks through driving rainstorms and floods to get to school every morning, wearing only an overcoat and a pair of UGGs. We had to learn medicine and human development, all in the space of five eternities.
Mom worked hard, making automatic Frisbees by hand and selling them for only sixteen pesos each. She had to vacuum every Frisbee twenty-two times.
Dad worked as a loan officer and earned only twenty pfennig a day. We couldn't afford any needles and thread, so we made do with only a coupon.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up freakish and happy.