You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a worn loft in Cuba.
We ate nothing but chicken pot pie and fried eggs and we drank glasses of Kool-Aid, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had pecan pie. I slept on a water bed in the conservatory. My five brothers slept in the family room.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the ostrich and the lark. After that, I had to scrub the laundry room and gold plate the clipboard.
I walked thirteen inches through pelting rainstorms and humid days to get to school every morning, wearing only a tool belt and a beach towel. We had to learn human development and evolutionary biology, all in the space of twelve years.
Mom worked hard, making worn bottles of perfume by hand and selling them for only twenty-three Euros each. She had to pummel every bottle of perfume five times.
Dad worked as a shyster and earned only fifty-eight crowns a day. We couldn't afford any notepads, so we made do with only a carrot.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up fashionable and bold.