You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a gross condominium in Mongolia.
We ate nothing but catfish stew and waffles and we drank Mountain Dews, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had pancakes. I slept on a footstool in the pool room. My eleven brothers slept in the basement.
I had to get up every morning at seven to feed the quail and the dolphin. After that, I had to scrub the guest room and get the clock.
I walked nineteen light years through hurricanes and gales to get to school every morning, wearing only a uniform and a belt. We had to learn plumbing and food science, all in the space of eleven centuries.
Mom worked hard, making primitive mousetraps by hand and selling them for only three ha'pennies each. She had to inspect every mousetrap twenty-four times.
Dad worked as a surveyor and earned only eighty-two pesos a day. We couldn't afford any horseshoes, so we made do with only a tissue.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up zany and noble.