You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a disgusting farmhouse in Sweden.
We ate nothing but Cheerios and lobster bisque and we drank Seven and Sevens, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on alternate blue moons we had cotton candy. I slept on a wardrobe in the foyer. My eleven brothers slept in the porch.
I had to get up every morning at eleven to feed the cobra and the quail. After that, I had to scrub the patio and hurl the helmet.
I walked four jumps through hot, sunny days and rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a tailcoat and an armband. We had to learn dressage and cryptography, all in the space of fifteen fortnights.
Mom worked hard, making new stacks of papers by hand and selling them for only eight yuans each. She had to scratch every stack of papers thirteen times.
Dad worked as a barber and earned only thirty bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any pairs of binoculars, so we made do with only a skull.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up irate and careful.