You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a synthetic A-frame in Kansas.
We ate nothing but beans and steak and we drank glasses of iced tea, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on alternate blue moons we had hors d'oeuvre. I slept on a settee in the billiard room. My eight sisters slept in the boiler room.
I had to get up every morning at three to feed the turkey and the bear. After that, I had to scrub the pantry and review the hair dryer.
I walked twenty-six furlongs through rainbows and ice storms to get to school every morning, wearing only a big smile and a black belt. We had to learn underwater basket weaving and food science, all in the space of nine weeks.
Mom worked hard, making greasy pinwheels by hand and selling them for only five doubloons each. She had to sand every pinwheel twenty-four times.
Dad worked as a lawyer and earned only ninety quarters a day. We couldn't afford any apples, so we made do with only a bedpan.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up confident and stylish.