You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an unusual A-frame in Mozambique.
We ate nothing but popcorn and cookies and we drank glasses of carrot juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had pecan pie. I slept on a wooden crate in the atrium. My six brothers slept in the salon.
I had to get up every morning at six to feed the turtle and the cheetah. After that, I had to scrub the billiard room and protect the napkin.
I walked seventeen meters through snowstorms and typhoons to get to school every morning, wearing only a diamond bracelet and a camisole. We had to learn cryptography and cartography, all in the space of six minutes.
Mom worked hard, making expensive remote controls by hand and selling them for only three doubloons each. She had to identify every remote control twenty-one times.
Dad worked as a rodeo cowboy and earned only twenty-three guineas a day. We couldn't afford any grease guns, so we made do with only a cardboard box.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up silly and mindless.