You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an authentic housing project in Columbus.
We ate nothing but fried okra and pumpkin pie and we drank bottles of water, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Thursdays we had ramen noodles. I slept on a pedestal in the foyer. My eight brothers slept in the hall.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the bird and the goldfish. After that, I had to scrub the solarium and bless the cardboard box.
I walked twenty-nine feet through gales and blizzards to get to school every morning, wearing only a blanket and a bomber jacket. We had to learn physiology and ABCs, all in the space of ten eternities.
Mom worked hard, making charming garbage cans by hand and selling them for only twenty-one cents each. She had to mend every garbage can seven times.
Dad worked as a juggler and earned only forty-nine Euros a day. We couldn't afford any balls, so we made do with only a pain pill.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up sociable and dapper.