You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a dusty mud hut in Soweto.
We ate nothing but Cheerios and tacos and we drank whiskey sours, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had cinnamon toast. I slept on a washing machine in the nursery. My nine brothers slept in the living room.
I had to get up every morning at three to feed the Guinea pig and the shark. After that, I had to scrub the rec room and seal the bird cage.
I walked three fathoms through sandstorms and earthquakes to get to school every morning, wearing only a bicycle helmet and a gas mask. We had to learn geology and songwriting, all in the space of seventeen blinks of an eye.
Mom worked hard, making wooden basketballs by hand and selling them for only eight dollars each. She had to choke every basketball sixteen times.
Dad worked as a dentist and earned only sixty-three bitcoin a day. We couldn't afford any pom-poms, so we made do with only a dart.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up frumpy and jolly.