You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a modern Spanish colonial in Green Bay.
We ate nothing but burritos and clam chowder and we drank Long Island iced teas, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Wednesdays we had borscht. I slept on a stool in the master bedroom. My two brothers slept in the workshop.
I had to get up every morning at twelve to feed the eel and the beaver. After that, I had to scrub the dining room and bake the coffee pot.
I walked twenty-three miles through sandstorms and downpours to get to school every morning, wearing only a bolo tie and a swimsuit. We had to learn penmanship and business, all in the space of three weeks.
Mom worked hard, making immense pacifiers by hand and selling them for only twenty bitcoin each. She had to prepare every pacifier twenty-five times.
Dad worked as a contractor and earned only sixty-two stock options a day. We couldn't afford any teapots, so we made do with only a piece of candy.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up conscientious and ungainly.