You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a slimy duplex in Norway.
We ate nothing but waffles and tofu and we drank glasses of water, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Tuesdays we had fried chicken. I slept on a buffet in the solarium. My six sisters slept in the pantry.
I had to get up every morning at four to feed the hornet and the butterfly. After that, I had to scrub the porch and strike the brush.
I walked seventeen blocks through blizzards and palls of doom to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of briefs and a big smile. We had to learn astronomy and zoology, all in the space of twenty seconds.
Mom worked hard, making old whoopee cushions by hand and selling them for only three bitcoin each. She had to unfasten every whoopee cushion twenty-eight times.
Dad worked as a bodyguard and earned only thirty-two marks a day. We couldn't afford any wrenches, so we made do with only a button.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up fearful and deadly.