You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a delicate chapel in China.
We ate nothing but chocolate-covered ants and mashed potatoes and we drank root beers, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had moo goo gai pan. I slept on a TV in the doghouse. My four sisters slept in the pool room.
I had to get up every morning at nine to feed the raven and the dromedary. After that, I had to scrub the workshop and unfasten the artificial flower.
I walked twenty-four light years through hot, sunny days and windy days to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of panties and a bikini. We had to learn musicianship and Latin, all in the space of thirteen months.
Mom worked hard, making synthetic twigs by hand and selling them for only nineteen nickels each. She had to catch every twig seven times.
Dad worked as a slave and earned only fifty-eight Euros a day. We couldn't afford any plaques, so we made do with only a remote control.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up stubby and naïve.