You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a fresh retreat in Slovakia.
We ate nothing but dirty rice and borscht and we drank 7-Ups, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had sushi. I slept on a buffet in the linen closet. My seven brothers slept in the laundry room.
I had to get up every morning at three to feed the android and the rooster. After that, I had to scrub the foyer and duplicate the mop.
I walked eleven light years through sleet storms and earthquakes to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of heels and a poncho. We had to learn dance and hair dressing, all in the space of twelve blinks of an eye.
Mom worked hard, making plain dolls by hand and selling them for only eighteen francs each. She had to rub every doll twenty-one times.
Dad worked as a shyster and earned only fifty-six million dollars a day. We couldn't afford any blank checks, so we made do with only a ping-pong paddle.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up jolly and relaxed.