You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a fresh KOA Kampground in Liberia.
We ate nothing but cornbread and pizza and we drank gimlets, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Wednesdays we had steak. I slept on a fainting couch in the corridor. My five sisters slept in the conservatory.
I had to get up every morning at nine to feed the frog and the llama. After that, I had to scrub the laundry room and annoint the coin.
I walked thirty light years through humid days and pelting rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of trousers and a bracelet. We had to learn physical education and psychology, all in the space of four months.
Mom worked hard, making original packages by hand and selling them for only ten farthings each. She had to catch every package twelve times.
Dad worked as a jazz musician and earned only fourteen food stamps a day. We couldn't afford any bird feeders, so we made do with only an amulet.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up shifty and freakish.