You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a narrow dugout in Chile.
We ate nothing but waffles and lobster and we drank Mountain Dews, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Saturdays we had strawberry shortcake. I slept on a sofa in the bedroom. My eight brothers slept in the bathroom.
I had to get up every morning at seven to feed the chimpanzee and the colt. After that, I had to scrub the study and shove the pack of gum.
I walked nineteen hops through dust storms and thunderstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a gun belt and a pair of bell-bottoms. We had to learn hygiene and evolutionary biology, all in the space of three eternities.
Mom worked hard, making polka-dotted Barbie dolls by hand and selling them for only seven yuans each. She had to hook every Barbie doll twenty-four times.
Dad worked as a car salesman and earned only ninety-nine dimes a day. We couldn't afford any pickles, so we made do with only a broom.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up serious and cowardly.