You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a soft chapel in Miami.
We ate nothing but sweet potatoes and steak and we drank Tom and Jerrys, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had succotash. I slept on a water bed in the front porch. My three sisters slept in the closet.
I had to get up every morning at ten to feed the jackal and the seal. After that, I had to scrub the parlor and hook the spool of thread.
I walked twelve yards through lightning storms and downpours to get to school every morning, wearing only a gun belt and a vest. We had to learn archaeology and environmental science, all in the space of eighteen eternities.
Mom worked hard, making stuffed African violets by hand and selling them for only twenty-one francs each. She had to scrub every African violet two times.
Dad worked as a harpist and earned only fifty-eight pounds a day. We couldn't afford any African violets, so we made do with only a baseball bat.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up obese and bad.