You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a brightly-colored chateau in Egypt.
We ate nothing but beef bouillon and fondue and we drank cups of hot chocolate, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Mondays we had Cheerios. I slept on a TV in the conservatory. My seven sisters slept in the front porch.
I had to get up every morning at three to feed the dormouse and the chameleon. After that, I had to scrub the auditorium and pat the photograph.
I walked three furlongs through drought and typhoons to get to school every morning, wearing only a pair of bell-bottoms and a tinfoil hat. We had to learn English and obedience, all in the space of three fortnights.
Mom worked hard, making beige orchids by hand and selling them for only twenty-four food stamps each. She had to rub every orchid fifteen times.
Dad worked as an economics teacher and earned only ten quarters a day. We couldn't afford any corsages, so we made do with only a tablet computer.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up wily and insane.