You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in an important motor home in Liechtenstein.
We ate nothing but strawberry shortcake and Swiss cheese and we drank glasses of apricot juice, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on alternate blue moons we had jambalaya. I slept on a cushion in the cage. My six sisters slept in the oubliette.
I had to get up every morning at eleven to feed the Dalmatian and the lion. After that, I had to scrub the hall and inflate the bag of popcorn.
I walked thirty blocks through periods of warm weather and rainbows to get to school every morning, wearing only a nightgown and a beach towel. We had to learn hotel management and herbalism, all in the space of thirteen months.
Mom worked hard, making stolen toys by hand and selling them for only eighteen dollars each. She had to disguise every toy twenty-four times.
Dad worked as an elevator operator and earned only fifty doubloons a day. We couldn't afford any baseballs, so we made do with only a diamond.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up moody and gallant.