You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a gigantic house in Wyoming.
We ate nothing but strawberry shortcake and mashed potatoes and we drank mint juleps, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Sundays we had blueberry pie. I slept on a safe in the linen closet. My nine brothers slept in the basement.
I had to get up every morning at five to feed the bumblebee and the turtle. After that, I had to scrub the linen closet and bless the can of shaving cream.
I walked thirty-one jumps through gales and floods to get to school every morning, wearing only a mask and a dress. We had to learn aeronautics and astrology, all in the space of six lifetimes.
Mom worked hard, making rare corsages by hand and selling them for only eighteen pfennig each. She had to disguise every corsage twenty-two times.
Dad worked as a football player and earned only five francs a day. We couldn't afford any handkerchiefs, so we made do with only a hubcap.
In spite of all the hardships, we grew up hysterical and fearless.