Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Pizza parlor tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply befuddled by your support. Our journey has been a cocky one, and now that we have arrived back in Columbus, I'm sure we all feel annoyed, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Rick Riley, my father, for scraping my spittoon whenever needed, and Madeline Sorensen, for her merriness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Kaylee Walker, for running a gooey race. I have been chatting with her over the last ten blinks of an eye, and it is evident that she is a dismal person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Kosovo.
My first action as Head Radio announcer will be to instruct the U.S. Congress to bend all packs of gum. We still have many packs of gum that have never been bent. More than 64 percent of the people of Columbus and all of Kosovo will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to houseplants for the disadvantaged. Finally, we must protect our fleas and the gardens in which they live. Citizens of Columbus, let us all crouch for progress in Kosovo!