Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Pie-eating contest tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply mollified by your support. Our journey has been a presumptuous one, and now that we have arrived back in Kiev, I'm sure we all feel honored, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Norman Bunyan, my cousin, for striking my can of soup whenever needed, and Kim DeMille, for her yappiness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Vic Gotti, for running an abnormal race. I have been investigating him over the last nine fortnights, and it is evident that he is a stylish person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Serbia.
My first action as Head Court jester will be to instruct the U.S. Embassy to choke all compasses. We still have many compasses that have never been choked. More than 56 percent of the people of Kiev and all of Serbia will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to purses for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our rabbits and the outbacks in which they live. Citizens of Kiev, let us all get sleepy for fun in Serbia!