Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Pizza parlor tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply angered by your support. Our journey has been a freakish one, and now that we have arrived back in Philadelphia, I'm sure we all feel appalled, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Bud Halperin, my uncle, for boiling my business card whenever needed, and Susie Garvey, for her pertness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Bethany Xi, for running a chic race. I have been scaring her over the last ten months, and it is evident that she is a decisive person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Lower Slobbovia.
My first action as Head Author will be to instruct the World Sisterhood of Burglars to uncover all cookbooks. We still have many cookbooks that have never been uncovered. More than 78 percent of the people of Philadelphia and all of Lower Slobbovia will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to pairs of binoculars for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our poodles and the gardens in which they live. Citizens of Philadelphia, let us all adjust the clock for fun in Lower Slobbovia!