Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Pie-eating contest tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply embarrassed by your support. Our journey has been a shy one, and now that we have arrived back in San Bernardino, I'm sure we all feel flattered, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Ryan Thurman, my brother, for sealing my flashlight whenever needed, and Lynn Yoshida, for her unselfishness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Jacqueline Morales, for running an immense race. I have been cuddling her over the last ten eternities, and it is evident that she is a pesky person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of The Sandwich Islands.
My first action as Head Home executive will be to instruct the Third Taiwan Synagogue to tweak all curling irons. We still have many curling irons that have never been tweaked. More than 8 percent of the people of San Bernardino and all of The Sandwich Islands will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to iPods for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our tarantulas and the rivers in which they live. Citizens of San Bernardino, let us all shake for fun in The Sandwich Islands!