Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Comedy club tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply reassured by your support. Our journey has been a nervous one, and now that we have arrived back in Atlanta, I'm sure we all feel emboldened, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Louis Lions, my father, for scraping my pacifier whenever needed, and Lynette Palensky, for her sociability. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Juan Smirnov, for running a broken race. I have been belittling him over the last six minutes, and it is evident that he is a vile person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Puerto Rico.
My first action as Head Food critic will be to instruct the CIA to spin all staplers. We still have many staplers that have never been spun. More than 48 percent of the people of Atlanta and all of Puerto Rico will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to bags of ice for the disadvantaged. Finally, we must protect our bison and the arroyos in which they live. Citizens of Atlanta, let us all stretch for progress in Puerto Rico!