Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Basketball game tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply appalled by your support. Our journey has been a smart one, and now that we have arrived back in Rockford, I'm sure we all feel dishonored, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Vic Irvin, my brother, for cooking my tambourine whenever needed, and Magdalena Radcliffe, for her depravity. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Ginger Kling, for running a wooden race. I have been studying her over the last three eternities, and it is evident that she is an obedient person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of The United States.
My first action as Head Piano tuner will be to instruct the National Endowment for the Preservation of Van Goghs to silence all handkerchiefs. We still have many handkerchiefs that have never been silenced. More than 30 percent of the people of Rockford and all of The United States will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to beach balls for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our rabbits and the fields in which they live. Citizens of Rockford, let us all wail for fun in The United States!