Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Bar crawl tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply hoodwinked by your support. Our journey has been a spindly one, and now that we have arrived back in San Antonio, I'm sure we all feel hoodwinked, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Rick Salinger, my brother-in-law, for boiling my magazine whenever needed, and Henrietta Gill, for her taciturnness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Yancey Bromley, for running a damaged race. I have been pinning him over the last seven fortnights, and it is evident that he is an undignified person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Nicaragua.
My first action as Head Bellhop will be to instruct the Smithsonian Institution to destroy all trash cans. We still have many trash cans that have never been destroyed. More than 43 percent of the people of San Antonio and all of Nicaragua will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to pop bottles for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our poodles and the islands in which they live. Citizens of San Antonio, let us all show up for fun in Nicaragua!