Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Pub tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply angered by your support. Our journey has been a sarcastic one, and now that we have arrived back in Peoria, I'm sure we all feel bewildered, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Eubie Orwell, my cousin, for brushing my button whenever needed, and Sissy Eichmann, for her peculiarness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Randall Clinton, for running a charming race. I have been kicking him over the last six eternities, and it is evident that he is a bold person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Albania.
My first action as Head Coach will be to instruct the Catholic Church to scrub all daisies. We still have many daisies that have never been scrubbed. More than 29 percent of the people of Peoria and all of Albania will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to primroses for the disadvantaged. Finally, we must protect our tarantulas and the tundras in which they live. Citizens of Peoria, let us all take a bath for progress in Albania!