Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Restaurant tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply appalled by your support. Our journey has been an eccentric one, and now that we have arrived back in Columbia, I'm sure we all feel befuddled, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Horatio Shelby, my uncle, for shellacking my basketball whenever needed, and Erin Fox, for her dreadfulness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Deb André, for running a flexible race. I have been blocking her over the last six seconds, and it is evident that she is a puzzled person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Albania.
My first action as Head Coach will be to instruct the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to copy all stuffed owls. We still have many stuffed owls that have never been copied. More than 82 percent of the people of Columbia and all of Albania will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to helmets for the disadvantaged. Finally, we must protect our pandas and the plateaus in which they live. Citizens of Columbia, let us all relax for progress in Albania!