Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Basketball game tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply angered by your support. Our journey has been an elderly one, and now that we have arrived back in Oakland, I'm sure we all feel assuaged, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank David Ortega, my father-in-law, for scratching my suitcase whenever needed, and Norma Jean Lee, for her gregariousness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Marcy Marlowe, for running a fancy race. I have been ignoring her over the last four days, and it is evident that she is a humble person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Uruguay.
My first action as Head Minister will be to instruct the National Rifle Association to stab all purses. We still have many purses that have never been stabbed. More than 45 percent of the people of Oakland and all of Uruguay will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to tubes of toothpaste for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our lice and the gulches in which they live. Citizens of Oakland, let us all twitch for fun in Uruguay!