Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Theater tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply tired by your support. Our journey has been a presumptuous one, and now that we have arrived back in Gettysburg, I'm sure we all feel purified, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Reginald Corona, my uncle, for compressing my china doll whenever needed, and Kylie Bushnell, for her sternness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Emile Craven, for running an original race. I have been avoiding him over the last seven seconds, and it is evident that he is a bizarre person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Turkey.
My first action as Head Cowboy will be to instruct the World Sisterhood of Novelists to grease all balls. We still have many balls that have never been greased. More than 42 percent of the people of Gettysburg and all of Turkey will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to mushrooms for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our monsters and the creeks in which they live. Citizens of Gettysburg, let us all show up for fun in Turkey!