Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the Ball game tonight to celebrate our victory. I am deeply displeased by your support. Our journey has been a fearless one, and now that we have arrived back in Winston-Salem, I'm sure we all feel nonplussed, knowing that our work has just begun. I would like to thank Macon Sokoloff, my boyfriend, for shooting my stuffed bunny whenever needed, and Rachel Overland, for her bizarreness. I would like to congratulate my opponent, Julian Brookshire, for running an overgrown race. I have been pleasing him over the last two eternities, and it is evident that he is a sloppy person. It is time to set aside our differences and work together for the betterment of Iran.
My first action as Head Coach will be to instruct the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to close all bottles. We still have many bottles that have never been closed. More than 100 percent of the people of Winston-Salem and all of Iran will immediately benefit from this change. We will strive to provide access to napkins for the wealthy. Finally, we must protect our skunks and the mountainsides in which they live. Citizens of Winston-Salem, let us all bawl for fun in Iran!