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Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like four delicate spittoons, two queer toothbrushes, three dusty protest signs, and one art deco ashtray.

I have been very athletic this year, so please give me more than you do Lindy.

P.S. I'll put a bowl of Froot Loops and a SangrĂ­a on the carpet for you.

Your friend,

Dagmar