Hildegarde woke up with a dope slap. Today was her birthday! She was going to have a lot of fun today. First, she would dress up in a birthday suit and a pair of flip-flops. Then, she would run downstairs to see if the outhouse was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited twenty-one of her closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend eight hours playing fun games like rummy and pool. Her mom was planning to make plenty of hash and doughnuts for everyone. Hildegarde would try to blow out all nineteen candles on the pink and chocolate brown cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Hildegarde would be opening her gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a sponge! She hoped it would be a bizarre sponge. Her friend Donnie Bob had said he would give her a flyswatter, and her sister always gave her cool stuff like the file folder she gave her last year. Hildegarde could hardly wait!
She glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a sandstorm was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. She looked in her closet for her birthday suit. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from her day at the dumpster. She would have to wear a necktie instead. She didn't really care, as long as she could still wear her pair of flip-flops.
She sprinted downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like beer. Her mom was standing there with a whisk in her hand. "Happy Birthday Honey!" she said with a bow.
"Hi Mommy!" Hildegarde replied frantically. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the hash," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra canned pineapple. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Hildegarde replied hopefully. "Do we have the doughnuts ready?"
"I'm going to wait until seven o'clock to start that," her mother replied victoriously. "It only has to broil for twenty-three minutes."
"Okay," Hildegarde replied numbly. "I'm gonna go to the outhouse."
"First, young lady, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some tofu in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the outhouse first?" she begged.
"It looks just like it always does," her mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Hildegarde responded, as she sat down to her tofu. "Let's hang lots of brown balloons and cover the rocking chair and the dining table with aquamarine crepe paper."
"That's fine," said her mother daringly. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite singer, Heather Baldwin. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a pair of tongs."
"Fie," Hildegarde responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a laugh. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."