Alberta woke up with a wag of the finger. Today was her birthday! She was going to have a lot of fun today. First, she would dress up in a pair of knickers and a class ring. Then, she would run downstairs to see if the library was decorated and ready for the party. They had invited eighteen of her closest friends. When everyone arrived, they would spend one hour playing fun games like baseball and musical chairs. Her mom was planning to make plenty of tuna casserole and sweet potatoes for everyone. Alberta would try to blow out all thirty-four candles on the ivory and turquoise cake. While the guests were eating their cake, Alberta would be opening her gifts. Maybe the first package would contain a fork! She hoped it would be a rusty fork. Her friend Fabien had said he would give her a flyswatter, and her cousin always gave her cool stuff like the peace pipe she gave her last year. Alberta could hardly wait!
She glanced out the window and was surprised to see that a driving rain was on its way. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter anyone from coming. She looked in her closet for her pair of knickers. It wasn't there. Uh oh. It was still dirty from her day at the wasteland. She would have to wear a toga instead. She didn't really care, as long as she could still wear her class ring.
She made a beeline downstairs and went into the kitchen. It smelled like Christian Dior. Her mom was standing there with a wooden spoon in her hand. "Happy Birthday Honey!" she said with a snigger.
"Hi Mommy!" Alberta replied madly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the tuna casserole," she replied. "I decided to make it with extra white beans. Hope that's okay with you."
"I guess so," Alberta replied primly. "Do we have the sweet potatoes ready?"
"I'm going to wait until six o'clock to start that," her mother replied wearily. "It only has to age for twenty-six minutes."
"Okay," Alberta replied calmly. "I'm gonna go to the library."
"First, young lady, you need to have some breakfast. I've got some macaroni in the skillet for you."
"Can't I just take a peek at the library first?" she begged.
"It looks just like it always does," her mother replied. "Remember, I'm depending on you to help with the decorating."
"Oh yeah," Alberta responded, as she sat down to her macaroni. "Let's hang lots of brilliant orange balloons and cover the rug and the ottoman with maroon crepe paper."
"That's fine," said her mother frenetically. "The paper plates and napkins have pictures of your favorite Tv star, Lizzie Eisley. Set the table with them, and make sure everyone has a potato masher."
"Bleep," Alberta responded. "I'm done, can I get started with the decorating now?"
"I think you inhaled your food," said Mother with a curtsey. "Go on, I'll be there in a few minutes."