Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You might find a bat in your tool shed.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You could be a master of making soap.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You could be a master of taking photographs.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- There is an 87% chance of tomorrow.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- My, my, look at you!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Don't beat your head against the wall.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -