Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- A fascinating stranger wearing a woven jet black business suit may begin to harass you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a pastry shop.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will attract bald and tactful people to your home.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You should go to Portland.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Is this the best you can do?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You should stop eating cucumber.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Try to develop an understanding of botany and cartography.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your best friend secretly loves beans.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Go out to an amusement park. You may discover a new passion!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -