Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Avoid sewing in the attic tonight.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Born to be wild!
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Make yourself a smoothie out of canned milk and fresh peaches.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Whatever you try is certain to succeed.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't go cooking in Virgin Islands for a while.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You'll get lots of extra attention if you wear a white negligee.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You have a will that can be influenced by anyone.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- If Corbin stops by, try to growl.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Time to clean up your act.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Take your time and think it over.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -