Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are a person of courage.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Bless your heart!
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones will be sufficient.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- An encounter with a lamb may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Is this the best you can do?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You are a piece of work.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will be understood by everyone.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You may get bitten by a brash penguin.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -