Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Go outside and gather a basket of springs. Give them to Laci.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- If you pat a groundskeeper, you will benefit later.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- It's a good time to go shopping for a fish bowl.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Have you considered getting a goose as a companion?
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You may get bitten by a zany Chihuahua.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You don't look so suave with sauerkraut in your teeth.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Signs point to yes.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will soon begin to twinkle.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Bless your heart!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You are megalomaniacal, but this is not your normal state.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your domestic life may be unharmonious.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will inherit a small part of a dumpster.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -