Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Consider quitting your present job and becoming a correctional officer.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- The power of rapaciousness makes us exuberant.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- What you said yesterday was exactly on point.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Go to a grassland and look for a fish.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- There is a 25% chance of tomorrow.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You may find a pen to be very important tomorrow.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You belong in the Internal Revenue Service.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Your destiny lies in Australia.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Create a poem or a painting expressing how you feel at this moment.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You'll have a hard time getting Charlie out of your head.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You are usually somber. What happened today?
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -