Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Consider quitting your present job and becoming a first grade teacher.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- January will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Born to be wild!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Make haste. They're after you!
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Don't go juggling in Florida for a while.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Ask a friend for a rope.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- It's a good time to go shopping for a fishing rod.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Signs point to yes.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -