Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Look forward to a wintry day.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Beware of a rapacious man wearing a floppy hat.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You will gain money by a fattening action.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Pay hospital fees of $50.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- They're coming to collect what you owe.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It becomes increasingly difficult to cover up what you did.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Your newest friend thinks you are sleek.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Your aim is high and to the left.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Your girlfriend takes hamburgers from strangers.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for bribery.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- It may already be too late.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -