Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You are as boring as a court jester.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You may get bitten by a funny lark.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You're not done yet.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Your employer thinks you are depraved.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You have nothing to gain by meeting Hank.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Let me put it this way: Today is going to be a learning experience.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Whatever you try is certain to succeed.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Yes.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You should go home.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme eccentricity.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -