Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- An encounter with a shrew may cause you to veer off in a new direction.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- A street musician has been giving you the eye.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- It may already be too late.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Take your time and think it over.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Do the honorable thing and resign.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will be reincarnated as a beagle, and you will be much happier.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You feel the need to fall back on your lazy ways.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- If it seems like fate is against you today, it probably is.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -