Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Don't take this too seriously.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Your appearance today is...interesting.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Consider carrying an épée for your protection.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Paint a still life of a compass and a tree stump.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You think today was strange...
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme gallantness.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You are as puzzled as a builder.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- It's a good time to go shopping for a teddy bear.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will have a short and unpleasant discussion with your aunt.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -