Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for unlawful assembly.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You may run into Seema at an ad agency.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you skilled in worldly ways.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Better pay them whatever they demand.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't go playing football in North Carolina for a while.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- The power of considerateness makes us unruffled.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You would be happier at a drag race.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You should earn a degree in Russian.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- The older you get, the more muscular you become.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Try to develop an understanding of dance and nutrition.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Your newest friend thinks you are mindless.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -