Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- They will greet you with a bow tomorrow.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Your business will assume miniscule proportions.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You should examine what you heard yesterday with a great deal of skepticism.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You might be run over by a carriage.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- It becomes increasingly difficult to cover up what you did.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- What you get will have nothing to do with what you deserve.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You remind people of a buzzard.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will attract athletic and ungainly people to your home.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Your present plans will be a failure.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Go outside and gather a basket of apple trees. Give them to Lynn.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -