Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Beware of a choleric man wearing a hoodie.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Is this some sort of joke?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- You're not done yet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You will attract comely and disorganized people to your home.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You have a will that can be influenced by no one.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- It was all so different before everything changed.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You are more like you are now than you ever were.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Maybe more sleep would help.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Do not give up now.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Don't pierce a mushroom today.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -