Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your name will appear in tomorrow's news.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Don't read everything you believe.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Do the honorable thing and resign.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- It is probably a good time for an apology.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are a person of charity.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will receive a letter from Louie Mittal.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will gain money by an immoral action.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You belong in the National Soccer Association.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -