Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your vein is going to start feeling heavy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Beware of a frantic man wearing a pair of bloomers.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Do not give up now.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Be thankful it's no worse.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You will attract direct and childish people to your home.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Is that hair growing on your dignity?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- It's safest to stay in your room today.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You will inherit a small part of a hill.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Try selling hair brushes by the music store.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -