Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You're not done yet.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You are usually wary. What happened today?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You should dedicate your spare time to making soap.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your lucky number is 557110.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- It might be a good idea to puncture a pair of fuzzy dice.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Be bold and ask Macon for a bugle.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You are usually spunky. What happened today?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Make haste. They're after you!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You are usually clever. What happened today?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- A diver has been giving you the eye.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will get what you deserve.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -