Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your supervisor is thinking about you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- What's that smell?
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You might be run over by a wood-paneled station wagon.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Cooking ought to be your priority for the time being.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You have a resolute nature.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You're not done yet.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You have a tendency to be sketchy, but you should try to keep it in check.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You may find what you've been looking for at a deli.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will be understood by everyone.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- It might be a good idea to reposition a billiard ball.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Where do you go from here?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You will attract modest and fearless people to your home.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -