Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Reba thinks you're acting like a dragon.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Lillie may have called you a culprit, but don't take it personally.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Better not take off that heavy layer of makeup yet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Remember what happened the last time you tried that.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Someone named Bev Fretwell may take legal action against you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Next Monday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Excellent day for putting tubes of glue on a carpet.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You may find what you've been looking for at an ice cream parlor.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Make haste. They're after you!
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -