Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- It's a good time to go shopping for a brush.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- It becomes increasingly difficult to cover up what you did.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Someone named Gail is likely to call you. Find out her real motive before you agree to anything!
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Your boyfriend takes potatoes and gravy from strangers.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Don't decorate a muffin today.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Be careful what you ask for.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You will be misunderstood by everyone.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Go outside and gather a basket of dead trees. Give them to Daniel.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -