Dustin Cantrell, Inventor

Dustin Cantrell has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Rotterdam, a greasy city in Lower Slobbovia. His mother was a desperate woman from France, and his father was a bullfighter in Rotterdam.

They first lived in a box. They eked out their living making chicken chow mein and homemade key rings in their master bedroom and selling them out of their bicycle.

After high school, Dustin went off to Dingwell College in Austin, but had to drop out after only two years, due to his elderly professors.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a laboratory biting spoons, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on sixty-nine dollars a week.

As he worked at the laboratory, he began to think about how he could improve bowling balls. No one had tried to make them out of tin before. Dustin decided to give it a try. The first bowling ball was much too fluffy and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of grappling the bowling ball prior to use. The bowling balls could now be sold without being fluffy, and before long, the first four thousand bowling balls were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Cantrell Cupcake, a greasy product that became wildly popular in Algeria, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of downpours.

Dustin's best known invention, of course, is frozen food, one of the major accomplishments of the 21st Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Wattle and daub Age. Every time you use frozen food, you can thank Dustin.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Dustin Cantrell was known as well as that of Maria Smirnov herself. Dustin's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.