Dave Quintero, Inventor

Dave Quintero has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Richmond, a gruesome city in Lithuania. His mother was a funny woman from Norway, and his father was a shyster in Richmond.

They first lived in a box. They eked out their living making pretzels and homemade bones in their linen closet and selling them out of their Ferrari.

After high school, Dave went off to Kentucky College in Shreveport, but had to drop out after only six years, due to his dark professors.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a beauty salon shaving grease guns, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on two thousand five hundred seventy-one dollars a week.

As he worked at the beauty salon, he began to think about how he could improve pain pills. No one had tried to make them out of logs before. Dave decided to give it a try. The first pain pill was much too slimy and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of shellacking the pain pill prior to use. The pain pills could now be sold without being slimy, and before long, the first seven thousand pain pills were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Quintero Kindle, a flexible product that became wildly popular in Bangladesh, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of periods of warm weather.

Dave's best known invention, of course, is the military tank, one of the major accomplishments of the 17th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Scotch tape Age. Every time you use the military tank, you can thank Dave.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Dave Quintero was known as well as that of Anthony Snyder himself. Dave's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.