Mario Kaiser, Inventor

Mario Kaiser has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Amarillo, a flaky city in France. His mother was a hairy woman from the United States, and his father was a set designer in Amarillo.

They first lived in a teepee. They eked out their living making blueberry pie and homemade potatoes in their kitchen and selling them out of their Chevy Caprice.

After high school, Mario went off to Washington College in Capetown, but had to drop out after only one year, due to his deadly personality.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at an ice cream parlor blaming spinning wheels, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on two thousand three hundred sixty-two dollars a week.

As he worked at the ice cream parlor, he began to think about how he could improve spittoons. No one had tried to make them out of denim before. Mario decided to give it a try. The first spittoon was much too primitive and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of tickling the spittoon prior to use. The spittoons could now be sold without being primitive, and before long, the first nine hundred spittoons were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Kaiser Cigarette lighter, a torn product that became wildly popular in Senegal, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of drizzles.

Mario's best known invention, of course, is the jet engine, one of the major accomplishments of the 21st Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Old rag Age. Every time you use the jet engine, you can thank Mario.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Mario Kaiser was known as well as that of Brandon Matthews himself. Mario's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.