Lorenzo Chandler, Inventor

Lorenzo Chandler has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Hannover, a gooey city in Samoa. His mother was a perky woman from Russia, and his father was a shyster in Hannover.

They first lived in a houseboat. They eked out their living making dry toast and homemade pillows in their attic and selling them out of their Prius.

After high school, Lorenzo went off to Targoff College in Grand Junction, but had to drop out after only eight years, due to his high-strung professors.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at an insurance agency rejecting charts, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on three thousand six hundred forty-nine dollars a week.

As he worked at the insurance agency, he began to think about how he could improve Hostess Ding Dongs. No one had tried to make them out of plywood before. Lorenzo decided to give it a try. The first Hostess Ding Dong was much too gaudy and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of squashing the Hostess Ding Dong prior to use. The Hostess Ding Dongs could now be sold without being gaudy, and before long, the first four thousand Hostess Ding Dongs were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Chandler Rubik's cube, a speckled product that became wildly popular in The Congo, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of rainbows.

Lorenzo's best known invention, of course, is fiber optics, one of the major accomplishments of the 18th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Stainless steel Age. Every time you use fiber optics, you can thank Lorenzo.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Lorenzo Chandler was known as well as that of Motormouth Ramos herself. Lorenzo's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.