Beelzebub Crawford, Inventor

Beelzebub Crawford has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Pittsburgh, an archaic city in Egypt. His mother was a sexy woman from Uganda, and his father was a distiller in Pittsburgh.

They first lived in a yurt. They eked out their living making doughnuts and homemade spools of thread in their garage and selling them out of their Volkswagon Beetle.

After high school, Beelzebub went off to Orwell College in Kabul, but had to drop out after only three years, due to his fuzzy professors.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a tobacco shop extinguishing compasses, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on four thousand nine hundred one dollars a week.

As he worked at the tobacco shop, he began to think about how he could improve coupons. No one had tried to make them out of cellophane before. Beelzebub decided to give it a try. The first coupon was much too smooth and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of liquifying the coupon prior to use. The coupons could now be sold without being smooth, and before long, the first eight thousand coupons were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Crawford Pumpkin, a woven product that became wildly popular in Jordan, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of ice storms.

Beelzebub's best known invention, of course, is the air brake, one of the major accomplishments of the 18th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Cloth Age. Every time you use the air brake, you can thank Beelzebub.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Beelzebub Crawford was known as well as that of Deborah Tubman herself. Beelzebub's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.