Biff Schmidt, Inventor

Biff Schmidt has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Long Beach, a flexible city in Korea. His mother was a blubbery woman from Korea, and his father was a nun in Long Beach.

They first lived in a chateau. They eked out their living making duck a l'orange and homemade combs in their conservatory and selling them out of their Aston Martin.

After high school, Biff went off to Eriksson College in Oklahoma City, but had to drop out after only one year, due to his repulsive personality.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a flower shop roasting brooms, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on three thousand seven hundred ninety-nine dollars a week.

As he worked at the flower shop, he began to think about how he could improve bells. No one had tried to make them out of walnut before. Biff decided to give it a try. The first bell was much too musty and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of overturning the bell prior to use. The bells could now be sold without being musty, and before long, the first three hundred bells were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Schmidt Pot, a smooth product that became wildly popular in Hungary, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of rainbows.

Biff's best known invention, of course, is the zipper, one of the major accomplishments of the 20th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Brick Age. Every time you use the zipper, you can thank Biff.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Biff Schmidt was known as well as that of Terri Cantrell herself. Biff's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.