Winnie Frizzlewump, Inventor

Winnie Frizzlewump has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that she came from very humble roots. She was born in Kileen, an expensive city in Botswana. Her mother was a paranoid woman from Algeria, and her father was a baseball player in Kileen.

They first lived in a closet. They eked out their living making cinnamon toast and homemade dead bats in their master bathroom and selling them out of their monster truck.

After high school, Winnie went off to West Virginia College in Newark, but had to drop out after only one year, due to her diabolical professors.

Forced to make her own living, she first worked at a café patting nails, but she didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on one thousand five hundred thirteen dollars a week.

As she worked at the café, she began to think about how she could improve etchings. No one had tried to make them out of granite before. Winnie decided to give it a try. The first etching was much too woven and she became discouraged, but she persevered, and eventually came up with a method of whacking the etching prior to use. The etchings could now be sold without being woven, and before long, the first eight thousand etchings were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Frizzlewump Ashtray, a porcelain product that became wildly popular in Latvia, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of sleet storms.

Winnie's best known invention, of course, is the contact lens, one of the major accomplishments of the 18th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Lace Age. Every time you use the contact lens, you can thank Winnie.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Winnie Frizzlewump was known as well as that of Jude Thurman himself. Winnie's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.