Dirk Holland, Inventor

Dirk Holland has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Las Vegas, a handy city in Belgium. His mother was an excitable woman from Albania, and his father was a mail carrier in Las Vegas.

They first lived in a box. They eked out their living making chocolate-covered ants and homemade egg shells in their patio and selling them out of their Cadillac Escalade.

After high school, Dirk went off to Rhode Island College in Laredo, but had to drop out after only eight years, due to his depraved personality.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a popcorn shop controlling iPads, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on two thousand two hundred sixty-seven dollars a week.

As he worked at the popcorn shop, he began to think about how he could improve statues. No one had tried to make them out of cement before. Dirk decided to give it a try. The first statue was much too art deco and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of gluing the statue prior to use. The statues could now be sold without being art deco, and before long, the first seven hundred statues were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Holland Peanut, a flaky product that became wildly popular in Malta, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of earthquakes.

Dirk's best known invention, of course, is panty hose, one of the major accomplishments of the 18th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Wax Age. Every time you use panty hose, you can thank Dirk.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Dirk Holland was known as well as that of Matt Sorovich himself. Dirk's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.