Vince Goldwater, Inventor

Vince Goldwater has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Algiers, a plain city in Haiti. His mother was a hairy woman from Finland, and his father was a shyster in Algiers.

They first lived in a convent. They eked out their living making tortillas and homemade diagrams in their nursery and selling them out of their Oldsmobile Cutlass.

After high school, Vince went off to Ansler College in Fontana, but had to drop out after only three years, due to his forgetful personality.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at a restaurant spraying coat hangers, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on one thousand seven hundred sixty-four dollars a week.

As he worked at the restaurant, he began to think about how he could improve diamonds. No one had tried to make them out of Elmer's glue before. Vince decided to give it a try. The first diamond was much too delicate and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of hitting the diamond prior to use. The diamonds could now be sold without being delicate, and before long, the first four hundred diamonds were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Goldwater Screwdriver, a smelly product that became wildly popular in Kosovo, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of ice storms.

Vince's best known invention, of course, is Coca-Cola, one of the major accomplishments of the 19th Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Tempered glass Age. Every time you use Coca-Cola, you can thank Vince.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Vince Goldwater was known as well as that of Lucille De Leon herself. Vince's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.