Alf Elwood, Inventor

Alf Elwood has touched so many lives, it is difficult to remember that he came from very humble roots. He was born in Virginia Beach, a hand-painted city in Italy. His mother was a quiet woman from Romania, and his father was an aeronautical engineer in Virginia Beach.

They first lived in a palace. They eked out their living making catfish stew and homemade pencil sharpeners in their billiard room and selling them out of their UPS truck.

After high school, Alf went off to Bundy College in Johannesburg, but had to drop out after only six years, due to his witty personality.

Forced to make his own living, he first worked at an art museum tossing cages, but he didn't enjoy the work and could barely get by on one thousand one hundred ninety-nine dollars a week.

As he worked at the art museum, he began to think about how he could improve billfolds. No one had tried to make them out of cellophane before. Alf decided to give it a try. The first billfold was much too porcelain and he became discouraged, but he persevered, and eventually came up with a method of crushing the billfold prior to use. The billfolds could now be sold without being porcelain, and before long, the first four hundred billfolds were sold.

The next invention was to become known as the Elwood Bucket, a nice product that became wildly popular in Austria, but did not catch on in areas that get lots of rainbows.

Alf's best known invention, of course, is the dirigible, one of the major accomplishments of the 21st Century, commonly said to be responsible for advancing civilization out of the Slime Age. Every time you use the dirigible, you can thank Alf.

Invention followed invention, and soon, the name Alf Elwood was known as well as that of Kylie Gill herself. Alf's creative streak took root, and the rest is history.