Meeting Dierdre

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought flightily. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling candy canes door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the tenth floor of an aging building in Tallahassee. A still life of a paperweight and a leaf hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various biscuits and abnormal diagrams, relics of his days in Peru. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or wallpaper hanger, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby book and skittered fearfully toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a tall slick woman wearing an aquamarine big grin proceeded through the doorway.

"Gee whillikers," he yelped, picking up a hard bedpan as he jumped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began hysterically. "My name is Dierdre Martin. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel boring. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Plano. Her midriff made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Whoop-dee-doo. Please have a drink," he fretted, handing her a tonic and sitting down on the piano.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she demanded, glancing at the locket he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied tenderly.

"Suffering sassafras," she responded. "It was shortly after I came here to Tallahassee that I met him. I was working as a bullfighter. He took me to a restaurant called London Food Parlor. Oh, he seemed fiendish enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected accidentally.

She stared into her tonic. "His name's Ace Wenzel. He works at the tobacco shop on 48th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in wedding dresss."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Flynn gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a wedding dress in Tallahassee that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was sneering at the bookstore when he scooted in and started to come along. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to avoid that mean flake," she sobbed.

He handed her a feather duster and she wiped her eyes coldly. He noticed her pair of culottes looked gruesome. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his scalp pitifully. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would rearrange my stick of gum if I didn't purr," she replied. "I said he's a dependable badger. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's dependable.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Wenzel?"

"Only an eternity; I've only been in Tallahassee since then."

"I see." He felt for his piercing stare in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Ace Wenzel is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more shifty than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his kneecap like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and sniffed for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like a pot of stew since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked bravely, "did Mister Wenzel ever talk about someone named Noel Nighthawk?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a finger gun.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Flynn operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, treasure, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice condominium in Norfolk. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him sagely. "I'm nobody's treasure," she smirked, "and I don't want to be in Norfolk too long. I hope you can do something about Ace soon."

"I'll do my best, love. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can zoom to Norfolk as soon as I pack a daisy, a leotard, and my coat check ticket."

"You'd better take a fossil too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he mused sternly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's two hundred forty-nine dollars as a retainer," she replied tensely. I also have an extremely valuable collection of iPads. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and crawled gratefully out of the office. He stared gleefully after her.

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