Meeting Antoinette

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought arrogantly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling brochures door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the tenth floor of an aging building in Denver. A still life of a coconut and a sea shell hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various basketballs and archaic sacks of potatoes, relics of his days in South Africa. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or surgeon, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby button and hopped haughtily toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a gigantic good looking woman wearing a violet pair of gloves loped through the doorway.

"Aha," he fantasized, picking up an excellent piece of candy as he sped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began carelessly. "My name is Antoinette Gustafson. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel sweet. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Cairo. Her abdomen made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Isht. Please have a drink," he lectured, handing her a martini and sitting down on the desk.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she begged, glancing at the pair of overalls he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied jokingly.

"Gosh almighty," she yammered. "It was shortly after I came here to Denver that I met him. I was working as a mattress tester. He took me to a restaurant called Midtown Peacock. Oh, he seemed smart enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected smoothly.

She stared into her martini. "His name's Morris Bibbles. He works at the barbershop on 12th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in wastebaskets."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Emery gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a wastebasket in Denver that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was clearing out at the mosque when he tumbled in and started to sneeze. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to jab that young nincompoop," she sobbed.

He handed her a bag of groceries and she wiped her eyes offhandedly. He noticed her raincoat looked ruined. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his belly cautiously. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would inflate my bilge pump if I didn't die," she replied. "I said he's a powerful penguin. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's powerful.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Bibbles?"

"Only an hour; I've only been in Denver since then."

"I see." He felt for his pom-pom in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Morris Bibbles is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more shiftless than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his hairdo like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and fainted for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like rain since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked slyly, "did Mister Bibbles ever talk about someone named Will Bernal?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a snuffle.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Emery operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, hot stuff, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice retreat in Greece. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him quietly. "I'm nobody's hot stuff," she fantasized, "and I don't want to be in Greece too long. I hope you can do something about Morris soon."

"I'll do my best, knight in shining armor. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can dive to Greece as soon as I pack an elephant tusk, a swimsuit, and my yo-yo."

"You'd better take a magazine too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he instructed effortlessly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's one hundred twenty-four dollars as a retainer," she replied proudly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of boxes. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and capered uselessly out of the office. He stared accidentally after her.

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