Meeting Nelda

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought breathlessly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling bags of potato chips door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fourth floor of an aging building in Sierra Leone. A still life of an advertisement and a tree branch hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various hair brushes and autographed rolls of duct tape, relics of his days in Nicaragua. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or auctioneer, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby dictionary and slunk violently toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a huge blushing woman wearing a hot pink tarboosh ambled through the doorway.

"Moo," he chuckled, picking up an electric ingot of plutonium as he stalked to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began clumsily. "My name is Nelda Apple. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel moody. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Oakland. Her knuckle made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Castor and Pollux! Blow me to Bermuda. Please have a drink," he hinted, handing her a cambric tea and sitting down on the buffet.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she groveled, glancing at the balaclava he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied sourly.

"I've had it," she professed. "It was shortly after I came here to Sierra Leone that I met him. I was working as a civil engineer. He took me to a restaurant called Fabulous Lion. Oh, he seemed energetic enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected cleverly.

She stared into her cambric tea. "His name's Gabriel Nagy. He works at the boutique on 34th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in bags of popcorn."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Bacon gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a bag of popcorn in Sierra Leone that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was bouncing at the K-Mart when he strode in and started to vegetate. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to pick that sanguine stumblebum," she sobbed.

He handed her a blank check and she wiped her eyes shyly. He noticed her skirt looked gruesome. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his chest woodenly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would brush my piece of candy if I didn't giggle," she replied. "I said he's a daring tapeworm. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's daring.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Nagy?"

"Only a decade; I've only been in Sierra Leone since then."

"I see." He felt for his atomic weapon in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Gabriel Nagy is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more cunning than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his tail like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and sniffled for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like road kill since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked wildly, "did Mister Nagy ever talk about someone named Socks Tuckerman?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a coo.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Bacon operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, little blossom, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice wikiup in Seoul. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him stealthily. "I'm nobody's little blossom," she suggested, "and I don't want to be in Seoul too long. I hope you can do something about Gabriel soon."

"I'll do my best, pumpkin. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can rush to Seoul as soon as I pack a saw, a wizard's hat, and my tablet computer."

"You'd better take a joint too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he railed flightily.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's three hundred twenty-four dollars as a retainer," she replied intensely. I also have an extremely valuable collection of clocks. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and walked violently out of the office. He stared impatiently after her.

Next Chapter