Meeting Danielle

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought deliberately. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling beach balls door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the tenth floor of an aging building in Liechtenstein. A still life of a ruler and a wildflower hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various forks and sleek spoons, relics of his days in Armenia. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or film producer, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby roll of toilet paper and crawled queerly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a colossal small woman wearing a purple tinfoil hat waddled through the doorway.

"Yow," he sobbed, picking up a ridiculous notepad as he jogged to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began miserably. "My name is Danielle Winkler. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel adorable. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Manchester. Her thumb made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Drat. Please have a drink," he guessed, handing her a kamikaze and sitting down on the bed.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she sputtered, glancing at the bikini he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied haughtily.

"Now what?," she asked. "It was shortly after I came here to Liechtenstein that I met him. I was working as a chief of police. He took me to a restaurant called New York Kitchen. Oh, he seemed decisive enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected fondly.

She stared into her kamikaze. "His name's Cody Warren. He works at the ad agency on 37th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in paper clips."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Vincent gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a paper clip in Liechtenstein that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was resting at the juice shop when he sidled in and started to think. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to stare at that bouncy dingbat," she sobbed.

He handed her a flyswatter and she wiped her eyes uneasily. He noticed her pair of sweatpants looked mechanical. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his knuckle breathlessly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would cover my bag of popcorn if I didn't ruminate," she replied. "I said he's a cantankerous lovebird. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's cantankerous.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Warren?"

"Only a minute; I've only been in Liechtenstein since then."

"I see." He felt for his disinfectant in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Cody Warren is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more witty than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his toe like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and buzzed for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like mountain air since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked violently, "did Mister Warren ever talk about someone named Fred Cruz?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a gurgle.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Vincent operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, cream puff, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice mansion in Croatia. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him carelessly. "I'm nobody's cream puff," she hummed, "and I don't want to be in Croatia too long. I hope you can do something about Cody soon."

"I'll do my best, cream puff. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can fly to Croatia as soon as I pack a bag of groceries, a pair of booties, and my bucket."

"You'd better take a bird cage too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he exclaimed confidently.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's forty-two dollars as a retainer," she replied pityingly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of magnets. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and sashayed impatiently out of the office. He stared tearfully after her.

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