Meeting Dani

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought hopefully. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling tote bags door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the third floor of an aging building in Lithuania. A still life of an orchid and a bit of moss hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various mousetraps and ridged crates, relics of his days in Slovenia. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or football coach, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby camera and proceeded thoughtfully toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a small disheveled woman wearing a carrot-orange headband galloped through the doorway.

"Like fun," he grunted, picking up a fresh needle and thread as he went to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began breathlessly. "My name is Dani Mainz. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel vile. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Oklahoma City. Her toupee made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Piffle. Please have a drink," he instructed, handing her a glass of grape juice and sitting down on the chair.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she expressed, glancing at the beach towel he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied cruelly.

"Dang it," she lamented. "It was shortly after I came here to Lithuania that I met him. I was working as a computer geek. He took me to a restaurant called the Hidden Greasy Spoon. Oh, he seemed brilliant enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected fervently.

She stared into her glass of grape juice. "His name's Cody Schmutzig. He works at the police station on 37th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in piggy banks."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Lizard gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a piggy bank in Lithuania that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was going limp at the health club when he trotted in and started to curtsey. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to yell at that fuzzy animal," she sobbed.

He handed her a sack and she wiped her eyes sourly. He noticed her pair of jackboots looked peculiar. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his palm miserably. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would finish my fishing pole if I didn't sneer," she replied. "I said he's an adorable bull. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's adorable.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Schmutzig?"

"Only a second; I've only been in Lithuania since then."

"I see." He felt for his lasso in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Cody Schmutzig is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more powerful than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his shoulder like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and died for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like bacon frying since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked boisterously, "did Mister Schmutzig ever talk about someone named Terence Frankowitz?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a giggle.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Lizard operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, knight in shining armor, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice castle in Senegal. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him caustically. "I'm nobody's knight in shining armor," she acknowledged, "and I don't want to be in Senegal too long. I hope you can do something about Cody soon."

"I'll do my best, twinkie. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can dance to Senegal as soon as I pack a backpack, a blazer, and my piece of chalk."

"You'd better take a fossil too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he drawled merrily.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's ninety-four dollars as a retainer," she replied viciously. I also have an extremely valuable collection of bags. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and scooted calmly out of the office. He stared defiantly after her.

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