Meeting Anna

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought fondly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling cardboard boxes door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Montenegro. A still life of a pom-pom and a fern hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various dog collars and hard stopwatches, relics of his days in Russia. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or nanny, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby candy cane and scurried suavely toward his desk.

His eyes widened as an emaciated cute woman wearing a pea green pair of bell-bottoms dove through the doorway.

"Holy minerva," he thought, picking up a cheap advertisement as he walked to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began breathlessly. "My name is Anna Sims. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel pesky. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Havana. Her tummy made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Oh my. Please have a drink," he responded, handing her a shot of bourbon and sitting down on the hatstand.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she wondered, glancing at the necktie he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied repeatedly.

"Oh dear," she reasoned. "It was shortly after I came here to Montenegro that I met him. I was working as an auditor. He took me to a restaurant called the Jade Cafe. Oh, he seemed self-assured enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected impatiently.

She stared into her shot of bourbon. "His name's Warren Shackleton. He works at the pet shop on 32nd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in chess sets."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the DeMille gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a chess set in Montenegro that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was snorting at the jail when he went in and started to get frazzled. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to wrestle with that spindly culprit," she sobbed.

He handed her a cigarette lighter and she wiped her eyes dolorously. He noticed her party hat looked excellent. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his shoulder elatedly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would overturn my peach if I didn't stare," she replied. "I said he's a bouncy lizard. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's bouncy.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Shackleton?"

"Only a week; I've only been in Montenegro since then."

"I see." He felt for his Nerf bat in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Warren Shackleton is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more forgetful than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his lung like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and hiccuped for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like vanilla since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked fearfully, "did Mister Shackleton ever talk about someone named Will Chopra?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a curtsey.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the DeMille operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, pet, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice flat in Kuwait. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him uneasily. "I'm nobody's pet," she squeaked, "and I don't want to be in Kuwait too long. I hope you can do something about Warren soon."

"I'll do my best, sweet pea. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can parade to Kuwait as soon as I pack a cracker, a tie, and my pair of scissors."

"You'd better take a Rubik's cube too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he sneered defiantly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's one hundred sixteen dollars as a retainer," she replied wildly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of buckets. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and clambered lovingly out of the office. He stared unabashedly after her.

Next Chapter