Meeting Avery

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought breathlessly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling comic books door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the third floor of an aging building in Vatican City. A still life of a coat hanger and a spider web hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various playing cards and valuable toilet seats, relics of his days in Belgium. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or park ranger, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby towel and trekked timidly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a gaunt scraggly woman wearing a yellow sweater climbed through the doorway.

"Thunderation," he continued, picking up a wooden blank check as he tumbled to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began despondently. "My name is Avery Kilroy. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel tense. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Grand Junction. Her brain made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Whew. Please have a drink," he sniveled, handing her a secret potion and sitting down on the canopy bed.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she provoked, glancing at the bridal gown he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied glibly.

"Yowsers," she blathered. "It was shortly after I came here to Vatican City that I met him. I was working as a snake charmer. He took me to a restaurant called the Hungry Knife. Oh, he seemed energetic enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected sweetly.

She stared into her secret potion. "His name's Rick Cornish. He works at the jewelry store on 30th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in basketballs."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Tsutsui gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a basketball in Vatican City that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was stepping aside at the bookstore when he paraded in and started to throw up. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to giggle at that wary renegade," she sobbed.

He handed her a rubber chicken and she wiped her eyes innocently. He noticed her gas mask looked charming. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his kneecap timidly. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would load my toilet plunger if I didn't get sleepy," she replied. "I said he's an awkward chimpanzee. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's awkward.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Cornish?"

"Only a week; I've only been in Vatican City since then."

"I see." He felt for his stash of bribe money in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Rick Cornish is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more clever than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his liver like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and snickered for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like Listerine since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked carelessly, "did Mister Cornish ever talk about someone named Norman Vogel?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a belly laugh.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Tsutsui operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, patootie, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice Cape Cod in Canada. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him irritably. "I'm nobody's patootie," she panted, "and I don't want to be in Canada too long. I hope you can do something about Rick soon."

"I'll do my best, tinky-wink. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can leap to Canada as soon as I pack a hubcap, a cardigan, and my sponge."

"You'd better take a rock too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he roared intensely.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's two hundred sixty-one dollars as a retainer," she replied thoughtfully. I also have an extremely valuable collection of iPods. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and ambled hysterically out of the office. He stared temperamentally after her.

Next Chapter