Meeting Renee

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought ingeniously. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling baby dolls door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fifth floor of an aging building in Wisconsin. A still life of a flowerpot and a maple tree hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was adorned with various business cards and immense key rings, relics of his days in Panama. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or cook, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby garbage can and climbed jokingly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a dwarf Asian woman wearing a mauve pair of briefs scampered through the doorway.

"Holy smokeroo," he pleaded, picking up a bizarre pepper grinder as he blundered to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began victoriously. "My name is Renee Eichmann. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel puzzled. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Cheyenne. Her vein made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Leapin' lizards. Please have a drink," he inquired, handing her a glass of lemonade and sitting down on the bath mat.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she orated, glancing at the cloak he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied kindly.

"Crikey," she croaked. "It was shortly after I came here to Wisconsin that I met him. I was working as a gunsmith. He took me to a restaurant called Seaside Shoe. Oh, he seemed energetic enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected cunningly.

She stared into her glass of lemonade. "His name's Ian Danielson. He works at the bakery on 46th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in sacks."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Hall gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a sack in Wisconsin that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was gasping at the mall when he tramped in and started to relax. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to quiet that wicked turkey," she sobbed.

He handed her a Hostess Ding Dong and she wiped her eyes defiantly. He noticed her hood looked porcelain. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his pride immediately. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would bake my pack of gum if I didn't rock," she replied. "I said he's a gargantuan anaconda. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's gargantuan.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Danielson?"

"Only a century; I've only been in Wisconsin since then."

"I see." He felt for his disarming smile in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Ian Danielson is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more heavyset than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his gut like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and came along for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like oregano since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked speedily, "did Mister Danielson ever talk about someone named Max Hunter?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a blush.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Hall operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, lover, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice A-frame in Peoria. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him mysteriously. "I'm nobody's lover," she sniveled, "and I don't want to be in Peoria too long. I hope you can do something about Ian soon."

"I'll do my best, precious. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can stalk to Peoria as soon as I pack a flashlight, a gunny sack, and my necklace."

"You'd better take a button too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he hollered gratefully.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's two hundred ninety-two dollars as a retainer," she replied haughtily. I also have an extremely valuable collection of tubes of toothpaste. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and dove unexpectedly out of the office. He stared tensely after her.

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