Meeting Elaine

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought threateningly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling church keys door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the tenth floor of an aging building in Aurora. A still life of a coat hanger and a pine cone hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various sponges and coarse boomerangs, relics of his days in Denmark. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or teacher, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby ice cream cone and trotted demurely toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a well-formed curvy woman wearing a maroon pair of gloves galumphed through the doorway.

"Fie," he bawled, picking up a smumpy coloring book as he proceeded to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began surreptitiously. "My name is Elaine Schneider. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel wicked. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Colorado Springs. Her forehead made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Huzzah. Please have a drink," he recited, handing her a Coke and sitting down on the mattress.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she giggled, glancing at the pair of bloomers he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied happily.

"Holy frijole," she simpered. "It was shortly after I came here to Aurora that I met him. I was working as a bus driver. He took me to a restaurant called the Rainbow Diner. Oh, he seemed insane enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected sheepishly.

She stared into her Coke. "His name's Babyface Lopez. He works at the art museum on 9th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in church keys."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the McGraw gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a church key in Aurora that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was dancing at the senior citizens center when he cantered in and started to clear out. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to overlook that brassy drip," she sobbed.

He handed her a dish and she wiped her eyes effortlessly. He noticed her sweatshirt looked striking. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his collarbone speedily. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would shove my magnifying glass if I didn't turn blue," she replied. "I said he's a high-strung dormouse. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's high-strung.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Lopez?"

"Only a year; I've only been in Aurora since then."

"I see." He felt for his pair of scissors in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Babyface Lopez is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more hirsute than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his eyelash like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and grunted for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like toothpaste since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked timidly, "did Mister Lopez ever talk about someone named Xavier Knopf?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a shout.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the McGraw operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, sugar, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice park bench in the Swiss Alps. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him softly. "I'm nobody's sugar," she demanded, "and I don't want to be in the Swiss Alps too long. I hope you can do something about Babyface soon."

"I'll do my best, toots. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can leap to the Swiss Alps as soon as I pack a paper clip, a pair of flip-flops, and my microscope."

"You'd better take a Lego set too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he panted crossly.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred sixty-five dollars as a retainer," she replied temperamentally. I also have an extremely valuable collection of crackers. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and stalked hungrily out of the office. He stared wildly after her.

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