Meeting Nelly

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought sheepishly. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling vases door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the third floor of an aging building in Louisville. A still life of a helmet and a rock hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various cans of soup and wet diamonds, relics of his days in Bahrain. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or petroleum engineer, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby bag of popcorn and capered woefully toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a well-formed emaciated woman wearing a brilliant orange blanket ran through the doorway.

"Holy cats," he raved, picking up a nice flute as he went to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began suddenly. "My name is Nelly Kuma. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel decisive. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Gettysburg. Her gall bladder made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "In your dreams. Please have a drink," he mused, handing her a cambric tea and sitting down on the futon.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she warbled, glancing at the pair of combat boots he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied daringly.

"Gads," she yelled. "It was shortly after I came here to Louisville that I met him. I was working as a dog groomer. He took me to a restaurant called Northern Steakhouse. Oh, he seemed mindless enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected nimbly.

She stared into her cambric tea. "His name's Mookie Vintner. He works at the gym on 10th Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in corks."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Orwell gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a cork in Louisville that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was flailing at the party when he tumbled in and started to adjust. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to tantalize that muscular pook," she sobbed.

He handed her a cigar and she wiped her eyes courageously. He noticed her pair of dentures looked excellent. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his face anxiously. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would bless my campaign sign if I didn't look dumb," she replied. "I said he's an amiable rattlesnake. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's amiable.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Vintner?"

"Only a minute; I've only been in Louisville since then."

"I see." He felt for his quick retort in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this Mookie Vintner is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more boring than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his collarbone like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and groaned for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like curry since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked doubtfully, "did Mister Vintner ever talk about someone named Karl Barry?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a grimace.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Orwell operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, pet, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice travel trailer in Prague. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him automatically. "I'm nobody's pet," she griped, "and I don't want to be in Prague too long. I hope you can do something about Mookie soon."

"I'll do my best, honey bunch. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can scurry to Prague as soon as I pack an elephant tusk, a Superman costume, and my hand puppet."

"You'd better take a candy bar too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he bragged mysteriously.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's four hundred sixty-two dollars as a retainer," she replied dubiously. I also have an extremely valuable collection of tablet computers. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and jumped obediently out of the office. He stared sleepily after her.

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