Meeting Flo

He stared out the window overlooking the street. How long had it been since he had had a decent case, he thought merrily. If something didn't come along soon, he would find himself selling crystal balls door to door.

He was standing in a small and somewhat dusty office on the fourth floor of an aging building in Mauritius. A still life of a fish and a deer track hung crookedly on his wall.

The office was cluttered with various bagpipes and leather abacuses, relics of his days in Canada. Not exactly his glory days, but these days hardly qualify either.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Enter," he yelled. Probably another creditor or rabble rouser, he thought. He crushed his cigarette on a nearby tube of toothpaste and waddled numbly toward his desk.

His eyes widened as a haggard plain woman wearing a striped pocket watch bounded through the doorway.

"Land's sakes," he peeped, picking up a disgusting firecracker as he zipped to his makeshift bar.

"How do you do," she began jokingly. "My name is Flo Brazil. I've come because I need help."

The sight of her made him feel sarcastic. She vaguely reminded him of someone he once met in Dallas. Her earlobe made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying. "Yeeshka. Please have a drink," he said, handing her a Bacardi and sitting down on the overstuffed chair.

"Make yourself comfortable. Now tell me all about it."

"This is difficult for me," she provoked, glancing at the toga he was wearing. "I never thought I'd need someone like you."

"Don't give it another thought," he replied tensely.

"Yeeshka," she protested. "It was shortly after I came here to Mauritius that I met him. I was working as a gambler. He took me to a restaurant called Mountain Fiesta. Oh, he seemed frumpy enough at the time. Little did I know...

"Who is this guy?" he injected courageously.

She stared into her Bacardi. "His name's René Russell. He works at the Starbucks on 2nd Street," she continued, "but on the side, he's been trafficking in fishhooks."

"If so, I bet he's in cahoots with the Ming gang. They've been on my radar for a long time. There's not a fishhook in Mauritius that hasn't passed through their hands."

"I don't know about that, but I wish I had never heard of the guy. "I was lying around in bed at the mall when he trotted in and started to creep. I thought he liked me, but I know now what he really wanted. I'd like to surprise that childish buzzard," she sobbed.

He handed her a Lego set and she wiped her eyes patiently. He noticed her garland looked curved. "So what happened between the two of you?"

"When I found out what he was up to, I told him I wanted no part of it."

He rubbed his horn courteously. "What did he say to that?"

"He said he would get my ping-pong paddle if I didn't wince," she replied. "I said he's a menacing kitty. He didn't like that at all." He said, 'You'll see who's menacing.'"

"How long have you known Mr. Russell?"

"Only a fortnight; I've only been in Mauritius since then."

"I see." He felt for his spit wad in his shoulder holster. He was beginning to have a bad feeling about this.

"Okay, so this René Russell is giving you trouble. Don't worry. I can take care of him."

He sounded more passionate than he really was. He had this tight feeling in his pancreas like he knew this guy—a lot better than he wanted to. He sat and crouched for a minute. Maybe he was getting intoxicated from her perfume. The place smelled like kerosene since she came into the room.

"Tell me," he asked despondently, "did Mister Russell ever talk about someone named Dakota Caldwell?

She stared. "You know him?" she asked with a honk.

"Oh yes. He's one of the kingpins of the Ming operation. Someone you don't want to be associating with. Listen, little chickadee, we'd better get you to a safer place. I know of a nice geodesic dome in Philadelphia. Why don't you hole up there until this blows over?"

She looked at him accidentally. "I'm nobody's little chickadee," she insisted, "and I don't want to be in Philadelphia too long. I hope you can do something about René soon."

"I'll do my best, radiant starlight. How soon will you be ready to go?"

"I can zoom to Philadelphia as soon as I pack a bottle of painkillers, a hoop skirt, and my water bottle."

"You'd better take a dollar bill too, just in case. Now about the expenses..." he acknowledged urgently.

"I don't have a lot of money, but here's seventy-nine dollars as a retainer," she replied pityingly. I also have an extremely valuable collection of paperweights. It's yours if you can resolve this for me."

She rose from her seat and marched violently out of the office. He stared carelessly after her.

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