Rewrite this story

Kansas City Crime Report

A Kansas City man is in prison today after he got high on potatoes and gravy, barricaded himself in the front porch and stabbed a grenade launcher through a lounge door, Connecticut State Police said.

mosquito

Cornelius Lyman, no age given, of Kansas City Township, took the illegal potatoes and gravy, hallucinated and believed mosquitoes were attacking and sitting on him, police at the Kansas City barracks said.

A little before midnight Lyman ran to a neighbor's house in the 300 block of Rossi Drive, claiming he was being chased, police said.

grenade launcher

Lyman forced his way into the house and barricaded himself in the front porch, destroying the room and stabbing the grenade launcher through a lounge door, police said.

When officers arrived Lyman was uncooperative and had to be subdued with a cannon, police said. Police found potatoes and gravy in both of Lyman's pockets.

cannon

Lyman is charged with DUI, a felony, as well as espionage, fabrication of evidence, racketeering, and three summary offenses, according to court records.

Lyman was sent to Kansas City Prison in lieu of bail.