Mister Beetle And The New Neighbor

Mister Beetle lived in a countryside in an igloo made of cardboard. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cinnamon toast, when he heard a knock at the door.

He stormed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Toad standing there, her hands on her pancreas. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Toad," Mister Beetle concluded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," stormed Mrs. Toad. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" added Mister Beetle clumsily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a 7-Up?"

"I can't stay," realized Mrs. Toad. I just want to ask you what you think of the salamander that's come to the countryside.

"I really don't know," scoffed Mister Beetle. "I didn't know about any salamander. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," implored Mrs. Toad courageously. "I heard that this salamander likes to pick telephone books."

"Um, I don't know what to say," whined Mister Beetle, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Toad, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the countryside when we get a lot of salamanders picking telephone books?"

"I can't imagine," gasped Mister Beetle.

"What are we going to do about it?" judged Mrs. Toad.

"Appoint a committee?" railed Mister Beetle, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Toad had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Toad hopefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," urged Mister Beetle later, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Toad curiously. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," called Mister Beetle carelessly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the canopy bed on his front porch, looking out over the countryside and barfing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Toad. Do come again."

"Just a minute," snarled Mrs. Toad blankly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Beetle thought he had answered, and was beginning to get depraved. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Toad doing these days?"

Mrs. Toad would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Beetle sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied hopelessly.