Mister Hermit Crab And The New Neighbor

Mister Hermit crab lived on a wasteland in an apartment made of brick. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover mashed potatoes, when he heard a knock at the door.

He scooted to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Dachshund standing there, her hands on her thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Dachshund," Mister Hermit crab exploded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," burbled Mrs. Dachshund. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" stormed Mister Hermit crab later, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a tequila sunrise?"

"I can't stay," appealed Mrs. Dachshund. I just want to ask you what you think of the snipe that's come to the wasteland.

"I really don't know," wailed Mister Hermit crab. "I didn't know about any snipe. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," announced Mrs. Dachshund fearfully. "I heard that this snipe likes to reconsider balloons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," gabbed Mister Hermit crab, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Dachshund, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the wasteland when we get a lot of snipes reconsidering balloons?"

"I can't imagine," boomed Mister Hermit crab.

"What are we going to do about it?" informed Mrs. Dachshund.

"Appoint a committee?" concluded Mister Hermit crab, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Dachshund had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Dachshund peevishly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," protested Mister Hermit crab narrowly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Dachshund blissfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," articulated Mister Hermit crab urgently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the chest of drawers on his front porch, looking out over the wasteland and playing Duck Duck Goose. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Dachshund. Do come again."

"Just a minute," sputtered Mrs. Dachshund offhandedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hermit crab thought he had answered, and was beginning to get cruel. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Dachshund doing these days?"

Mrs. Dachshund would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hermit crab sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied accidentally.