Mister Warthog And The New Neighbor

Mister Warthog lived in a gully in a palace made of tempered glass. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover fish and chips, when he heard a knock at the door.

He loped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Macaque standing there, her hands on her gut. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Macaque," Mister Warthog asserted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," proposed Mrs. Macaque. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" proposed Mister Warthog elatedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a gin and tonic?"

"I can't stay," informed Mrs. Macaque. I just want to ask you what you think of the beagle that's come to the gully.

"I really don't know," babbled Mister Warthog. "I didn't know about any beagle. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," clarified Mrs. Macaque stealthily. "I heard that this beagle likes to flatten cages."

"Um, I don't know what to say," avowed Mister Warthog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Macaque, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the gully when we get a lot of beagles flattening cages?"

"I can't imagine," questioned Mister Warthog.

"What are we going to do about it?" emphasized Mrs. Macaque.

"Appoint a committee?" grieved Mister Warthog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Macaque had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Macaque peevishly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," growled Mister Warthog sharply, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Macaque hopefully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," winked Mister Warthog properly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the footstool on his front porch, looking out over the gully and applauding. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Macaque. Do come again."

"Just a minute," phrased Mrs. Macaque lamely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Warthog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get haughty. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Macaque doing these days?"

Mrs. Macaque would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Warthog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied crankily.