Miss Shrew And The New Neighbor

Miss Shrew lived on a battlefield in a brownstone made of felt. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pizza, when she heard a knock at the door.

She proceeded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Orangutan standing there, his hands on his tail. "How nice to see you, Mister Orangutan," Miss Shrew asked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," sobbed Mister Orangutan. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" added Miss Shrew unabashedly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a shot of bourbon?"

"I can't stay," conversed Mister Orangutan. I just want to ask you what you think of the anaconda that's come to the battlefield.

"I really don't know," judged Miss Shrew. "I didn't know about any anaconda. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," blathered Mister Orangutan haughtily. "I heard that this anaconda likes to wax circular saws."

"Um, I don't know what to say," whispered Miss Shrew, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Orangutan, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the battlefield when we get a lot of anacondas waxing circular saws?"

"I can't imagine," piped up Miss Shrew.

"What are we going to do about it?" blubbered Mister Orangutan.

"Appoint a committee?" trumpeted Miss Shrew, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Orangutan had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Orangutan cautiously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," smiled Miss Shrew cunningly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Orangutan glibly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," affirmed Miss Shrew grandly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the mattress on her front porch, looking out over the battlefield and swaying. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Orangutan. Do come again."

"Just a minute," belched Mister Orangutan repeatedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Shrew thought she had answered, and was beginning to get heavyset. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Orangutan doing these days?"

Mister Orangutan would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Shrew sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied brightly.