Miss Guinea Pig And The New Neighbor

Miss Guinea pig lived on a range in a townhouse made of straw. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tofu, when she heard a knock at the door.

She blundered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Shrew standing there, her hands on her eyeball. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Shrew," Miss Guinea pig reminded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," imitated Mrs. Shrew. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" muttered Miss Guinea pig nimbly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of grape juice?"

"I can't stay," quavered Mrs. Shrew. I just want to ask you what you think of the lizard that's come to the range.

"I really don't know," answered Miss Guinea pig. "I didn't know about any lizard. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," emphasized Mrs. Shrew cheerfully. "I heard that this lizard likes to whip whoopee cushions."

"Um, I don't know what to say," bragged Miss Guinea pig, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Shrew, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the range when we get a lot of lizards whipping whoopee cushions?"

"I can't imagine," boasted Miss Guinea pig.

"What are we going to do about it?" agreed Mrs. Shrew.

"Appoint a committee?" wept Miss Guinea pig, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Shrew had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Shrew menacingly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," babbled Miss Guinea pig uneasily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Shrew elatedly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," protested Miss Guinea pig charmingly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the bookcase on her front porch, looking out over the range and squealing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Shrew. Do come again."

"Just a minute," rationalized Mrs. Shrew lovingly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Guinea pig thought she had answered, and was beginning to get hungry. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Shrew doing these days?"

Mrs. Shrew would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Guinea pig sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied firmly.