Mister Groundhog And The New Neighbor

Mister Groundhog lived in a pasture in a mansion made of oil and water. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lasagna, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slumped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Polar bear standing there, her hands on her skin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Polar bear," Mister Groundhog moaned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," added Mrs. Polar bear. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" purred Mister Groundhog sorrowfully, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Seven and Seven?"

"I can't stay," roared Mrs. Polar bear. I just want to ask you what you think of the walrus that's come to the pasture.

"I really don't know," divulged Mister Groundhog. "I didn't know about any walrus. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," groveled Mrs. Polar bear properly. "I heard that this walrus likes to choke pinwheels."

"Um, I don't know what to say," invited Mister Groundhog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Polar bear, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the pasture when we get a lot of walruses choking pinwheels?"

"I can't imagine," comforted Mister Groundhog.

"What are we going to do about it?" sobbed Mrs. Polar bear.

"Appoint a committee?" professed Mister Groundhog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Polar bear had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Polar bear tearfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," roared Mister Groundhog sleepily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Polar bear admiringly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," crooned Mister Groundhog hopefully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the overstuffed chair on his front porch, looking out over the pasture and waking up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Polar bear. Do come again."

"Just a minute," blustered Mrs. Polar bear unnaturally. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Groundhog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get idiotic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Polar bear doing these days?"

Mrs. Polar bear would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Groundhog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied breathlessly.