Mister Aardvark And The New Neighbor

Mister Aardvark lived on a wasteland in a manor house made of recycled newspaper. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover refried beans, when he heard a knock at the door.

He lumbered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Dolphin standing there, his hands on his spine. "How nice to see you, Mister Dolphin," Mister Aardvark wept, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," mentioned Mister Dolphin. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" exclaimed Mister Aardvark breathlessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a root beer?"

"I can't stay," hummed Mister Dolphin. I just want to ask you what you think of the squirrel that's come to the wasteland.

"I really don't know," breathed Mister Aardvark. "I didn't know about any squirrel. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," bragged Mister Dolphin sadly. "I heard that this squirrel likes to disguise fire hoses."

"Um, I don't know what to say," bawled Mister Aardvark, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Dolphin, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the wasteland when we get a lot of squirrels disguising fire hoses?"

"I can't imagine," requested Mister Aardvark.

"What are we going to do about it?" yawned Mister Dolphin.

"Appoint a committee?" squeaked Mister Aardvark, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Dolphin had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Dolphin wildly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," announced Mister Aardvark violently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Dolphin sympathetically. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," ranted Mister Aardvark wildly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the stool on his front porch, looking out over the wasteland and shivering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Dolphin. Do come again."

"Just a minute," grunted Mister Dolphin hungrily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Aardvark thought he had answered, and was beginning to get sincere. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Dolphin doing these days?"

Mister Dolphin would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Aardvark sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied ignobly.