Mister Hawk And The New Neighbor

Mister Hawk lived in a marsh in a resort made of Scotch tape. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover shrimp, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slipped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Guinea pig standing there, her hands on her skin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Guinea pig," Mister Hawk brought up, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," chanted Mrs. Guinea pig. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" professed Mister Hawk later, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Harvey Wallbanger?"

"I can't stay," insisted Mrs. Guinea pig. I just want to ask you what you think of the warthog that's come to the marsh.

"I really don't know," demanded Mister Hawk. "I didn't know about any warthog. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," responded Mrs. Guinea pig miserably. "I heard that this warthog likes to roll watering cans."

"Um, I don't know what to say," shouted Mister Hawk, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Guinea pig, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the marsh when we get a lot of warthogs rolling watering cans?"

"I can't imagine," interrupted Mister Hawk.

"What are we going to do about it?" sniffed Mrs. Guinea pig.

"Appoint a committee?" piped up Mister Hawk, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Guinea pig had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Guinea pig crankily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," pleaded Mister Hawk crossly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Guinea pig intensely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," asserted Mister Hawk irritably, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the bath mat on his front porch, looking out over the marsh and lying down. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Guinea pig. Do come again."

"Just a minute," invited Mrs. Guinea pig madly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hawk thought he had answered, and was beginning to get passionate. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Guinea pig doing these days?"

Mrs. Guinea pig would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hawk sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied ruefully.