Mister Tapeworm And The New Neighbor

Mister Tapeworm lived on a veld in a subway tunnel made of pillows. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lime sherbet, when he heard a knock at the door.

He clambered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Shark standing there, her hands on her belly button. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Shark," Mister Tapeworm hissed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," debated Mrs. Shark. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" expressed Mister Tapeworm brightly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"I can't stay," asserted Mrs. Shark. I just want to ask you what you think of the kitten that's come to the veld.

"I really don't know," reacted Mister Tapeworm. "I didn't know about any kitten. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," smiled Mrs. Shark merrily. "I heard that this kitten likes to liquify bags of ice."

"Um, I don't know what to say," wailed Mister Tapeworm, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Shark, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the veld when we get a lot of kittens liquifying bags of ice?"

"I can't imagine," screeched Mister Tapeworm.

"What are we going to do about it?" raved Mrs. Shark.

"Appoint a committee?" taunted Mister Tapeworm, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Shark had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Shark strangely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," cried Mister Tapeworm crankily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Shark admiringly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," chimed Mister Tapeworm majestically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the filing cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the veld and showing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Shark. Do come again."

"Just a minute," declared Mrs. Shark swiftly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Tapeworm thought he had answered, and was beginning to get decent. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Shark doing these days?"

Mrs. Shark would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Tapeworm sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied violently.