Mister Turtle And The New Neighbor

Mister Turtle lived in a pond in a hovel made of foil. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover beef bouillon, when he heard a knock at the door.

He rushed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Monster standing there, her hands on her ego. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Monster," Mister Turtle hinted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," fantasized Mrs. Monster. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" chattered Mister Turtle breathlessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Brandy Alexander?"

"I can't stay," questioned Mrs. Monster. I just want to ask you what you think of the phantom that's come to the pond.

"I really don't know," stammered Mister Turtle. "I didn't know about any phantom. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," opined Mrs. Monster woefully. "I heard that this phantom likes to shave trash cans."

"Um, I don't know what to say," cackled Mister Turtle, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Monster, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the pond when we get a lot of phantoms shaving trash cans?"

"I can't imagine," debated Mister Turtle.

"What are we going to do about it?" realized Mrs. Monster.

"Appoint a committee?" whimpered Mister Turtle, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Monster had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Monster strictly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," called Mister Turtle woefully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Monster sorrowfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," winked Mister Turtle vacantly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the canopy bed on his front porch, looking out over the pond and sitting still. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Monster. Do come again."

"Just a minute," demanded Mrs. Monster innocently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Turtle thought he had answered, and was beginning to get cowardly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Monster doing these days?"

Mrs. Monster would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Turtle sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied sarcastically.