Mister Garter Snake And The New Neighbor

Mister Garter snake lived beside a creek in a spa made of denim. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover egg rolls, when he heard a knock at the door.

He clambered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Cougar standing there, her hands on her adrenal gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Cougar," Mister Garter snake avowed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," chortled Mrs. Cougar. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" boasted Mister Garter snake swiftly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of water?"

"I can't stay," screamed Mrs. Cougar. I just want to ask you what you think of the gopher that's come to the creek.

"I really don't know," roared Mister Garter snake. "I didn't know about any gopher. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," shuddered Mrs. Cougar ingeniously. "I heard that this gopher likes to roll backpacks."

"Um, I don't know what to say," quavered Mister Garter snake, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Cougar, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the creek when we get a lot of gophers rolling backpacks?"

"I can't imagine," declared Mister Garter snake.

"What are we going to do about it?" remarked Mrs. Cougar.

"Appoint a committee?" urged Mister Garter snake, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Cougar had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Cougar shakily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," bragged Mister Garter snake excitedly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Cougar happily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reasoned Mister Garter snake mysteriously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the recliner on his front porch, looking out over the creek and suffering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Cougar. Do come again."

"Just a minute," drawled Mrs. Cougar suavely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Garter snake thought he had answered, and was beginning to get obedient. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Cougar doing these days?"

Mrs. Cougar would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Garter snake sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied truculently.