Mister Polecat And The New Neighbor

Mister Polecat lived on a grassy knoll in a Victorian mansion made of antimatter. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover ham, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slid to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Reindeer standing there, her hands on her skin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Reindeer," Mister Polecat chuckled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," asked Mrs. Reindeer. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" yawned Mister Polecat sourly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cappuccino?"

"I can't stay," spat Mrs. Reindeer. I just want to ask you what you think of the anaconda that's come to the grassy knoll.

"I really don't know," shuddered Mister Polecat. "I didn't know about any anaconda. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," shrieked Mrs. Reindeer woodenly. "I heard that this anaconda likes to hoist necklaces."

"Um, I don't know what to say," reacted Mister Polecat, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Reindeer, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassy knoll when we get a lot of anacondas hoisting necklaces?"

"I can't imagine," enunciated Mister Polecat.

"What are we going to do about it?" interpreted Mrs. Reindeer.

"Appoint a committee?" responded Mister Polecat, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Reindeer had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Reindeer wearily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," purred Mister Polecat impatiently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Reindeer temperamentally. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," interrupted Mister Polecat truculently, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the stairway on his front porch, looking out over the grassy knoll and wailing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Reindeer. Do come again."

"Just a minute," muttered Mrs. Reindeer menacingly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Polecat thought he had answered, and was beginning to get amiable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Reindeer doing these days?"

Mrs. Reindeer would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Polecat sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied surreptitiously.