Miss Grasshopper And The New Neighbor

Miss Grasshopper lived at a crime scene in a cave made of lace. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover moo goo gai pan, when she heard a knock at the door.

She bolted to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Badger standing there, her hands on her eyelash. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Badger," Miss Grasshopper scoffed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," fumed Mrs. Badger. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" shrieked Miss Grasshopper courteously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Irish Coffee?"

"I can't stay," contended Mrs. Badger. I just want to ask you what you think of the rat that's come to the crime scene.

"I really don't know," maintained Miss Grasshopper. "I didn't know about any rat. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," argued Mrs. Badger coolly. "I heard that this rat likes to ridicule toilet seats."

"Um, I don't know what to say," invited Miss Grasshopper, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Badger, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the crime scene when we get a lot of rats ridiculing toilet seats?"

"I can't imagine," sputtered Miss Grasshopper.

"What are we going to do about it?" articulated Mrs. Badger.

"Appoint a committee?" reminded Miss Grasshopper, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Badger had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Badger testily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," enunciated Miss Grasshopper hopelessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Badger gingerly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," persisted Miss Grasshopper reluctantly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the stairway on her front porch, looking out over the crime scene and playing solitaire. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Badger. Do come again."

"Just a minute," chortled Mrs. Badger cautiously. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Grasshopper thought she had answered, and was beginning to get frantic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Badger doing these days?"

Mrs. Badger would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Grasshopper sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied wildly.