Miss Doberman And The New Neighbor

Miss Doberman lived in a bog in a dugout made of rope. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover pot roast, when she heard a knock at the door.

She galloped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Cougar standing there, her hands on her appendix. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Cougar," Miss Doberman screamed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," panted Mrs. Cougar. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" piped up Miss Doberman narrowly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"I can't stay," quoted Mrs. Cougar. I just want to ask you what you think of the shrew that's come to the bog.

"I really don't know," intimated Miss Doberman. "I didn't know about any shrew. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," intoned Mrs. Cougar despondently. "I heard that this shrew likes to bend Big Gulps."

"Um, I don't know what to say," yawned Miss Doberman, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Cougar, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the bog when we get a lot of shrews bending Big Gulps?"

"I can't imagine," interpreted Miss Doberman.

"What are we going to do about it?" groveled Mrs. Cougar.

"Appoint a committee?" shrieked Miss Doberman, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Cougar had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Cougar confidently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," yawned Miss Doberman queerly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Cougar coldly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," snarled Miss Doberman sadly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the washing machine on her front porch, looking out over the bog and inhaling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Cougar. Do come again."

"Just a minute," interpreted Mrs. Cougar kindly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Doberman thought she had answered, and was beginning to get self-assured. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Cougar doing these days?"

Mrs. Cougar would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Doberman sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied languidly.