Mister Chimpanzee And The New Neighbor

Mister Chimpanzee lived in a landfill in a townhouse made of old rags. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover refried beans, when he heard a knock at the door.

He straggled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Garter snake standing there, her hands on her back. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Garter snake," Mister Chimpanzee groveled, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," responded Mrs. Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" squawked Mister Chimpanzee blankly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an iced tea?"

"I can't stay," contended Mrs. Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the polar bear that's come to the landfill.

"I really don't know," fretted Mister Chimpanzee. "I didn't know about any polar bear. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," orated Mrs. Garter snake strictly. "I heard that this polar bear likes to rub pencils."

"Um, I don't know what to say," asked Mister Chimpanzee, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the landfill when we get a lot of polar bears rubbing pencils?"

"I can't imagine," winked Mister Chimpanzee.

"What are we going to do about it?" yelped Mrs. Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" intoned Mister Chimpanzee, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Garter snake breathlessly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," squealed Mister Chimpanzee clumsily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Garter snake recklessly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," gabbed Mister Chimpanzee woodenly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the coffee table on his front porch, looking out over the landfill and fidgeting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," insisted Mrs. Garter snake ruefully. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Chimpanzee thought he had answered, and was beginning to get insane. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Garter snake doing these days?"

Mrs. Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Chimpanzee sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied doubtfully.