Mister Gazelle And The New Neighbor

Mister Gazelle lived in a desert in a subway tunnel made of duct tape. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover oatmeal, when he heard a knock at the door.

He blundered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Opossum standing there, his hands on his back. "How nice to see you, Mister Opossum," Mister Gazelle exploded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," continued Mister Opossum. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" prattled Mister Gazelle intensely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Long Island iced tea?"

"I can't stay," interpreted Mister Opossum. I just want to ask you what you think of the Norway rat that's come to the desert.

"I really don't know," inquired Mister Gazelle. "I didn't know about any Norway rat. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," stormed Mister Opossum doubtfully. "I heard that this Norway rat likes to clamp bedpans."

"Um, I don't know what to say," snorted Mister Gazelle, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Opossum, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the desert when we get a lot of Norway rats clamping bedpans?"

"I can't imagine," queried Mister Gazelle.

"What are we going to do about it?" trumpeted Mister Opossum.

"Appoint a committee?" blustered Mister Gazelle, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Opossum had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Opossum bravely. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," recited Mister Gazelle fearfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Opossum unexpectedly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," roared Mister Gazelle noisily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the floor on his front porch, looking out over the desert and exercising. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Opossum. Do come again."

"Just a minute," chanted Mister Opossum admiringly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Gazelle thought he had answered, and was beginning to get muscular. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Opossum doing these days?"

Mister Opossum would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Gazelle sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied shakily.