Mister Dachshund And The New Neighbor

Mister Dachshund lived on a mountain in a villa made of toothpicks. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover spaghetti, when he heard a knock at the door.

He jogged to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Lark standing there, her hands on her bicep. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Lark," Mister Dachshund reasoned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," intoned Mrs. Lark. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" hummed Mister Dachshund obediently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a sassafras tea?"

"I can't stay," howled Mrs. Lark. I just want to ask you what you think of the caribou that's come to the mountain.

"I really don't know," appealed Mister Dachshund. "I didn't know about any caribou. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," inquired Mrs. Lark ignobly. "I heard that this caribou likes to wash Band-aids."

"Um, I don't know what to say," muttered Mister Dachshund, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Lark, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountain when we get a lot of caribous washing Band-aids?"

"I can't imagine," offered Mister Dachshund.

"What are we going to do about it?" hinted Mrs. Lark.

"Appoint a committee?" worried Mister Dachshund, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Lark had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Lark cruelly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," recited Mister Dachshund sarcastically, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Lark ignobly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reasoned Mister Dachshund uselessly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the billiard table on his front porch, looking out over the mountain and puckering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Lark. Do come again."

"Just a minute," declared Mrs. Lark coolly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Dachshund thought he had answered, and was beginning to get pigeon-toed. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Lark doing these days?"

Mrs. Lark would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Dachshund sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied suspiciously.