Mister Anaconda And The New Neighbor

Mister Anaconda lived in a briar patch in a manor house made of sewage. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tofu, when he heard a knock at the door.

He blundered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Chameleon standing there, her hands on her spinal cord. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Chameleon," Mister Anaconda boasted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," explained Mrs. Chameleon. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" bellowed Mister Anaconda ferociously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Harvey Wallbanger?"

"I can't stay," harangued Mrs. Chameleon. I just want to ask you what you think of the horse that's come to the briar patch.

"I really don't know," hissed Mister Anaconda. "I didn't know about any horse. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," urged Mrs. Chameleon calmly. "I heard that this horse likes to bless coconuts."

"Um, I don't know what to say," howled Mister Anaconda, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Chameleon, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the briar patch when we get a lot of horses blessing coconuts?"

"I can't imagine," recited Mister Anaconda.

"What are we going to do about it?" chanted Mrs. Chameleon.

"Appoint a committee?" thought Mister Anaconda, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Chameleon had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Chameleon properly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," hummed Mister Anaconda humbly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Chameleon speedily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," asked Mister Anaconda intensely, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the china hutch on his front porch, looking out over the briar patch and laughing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Chameleon. Do come again."

"Just a minute," blubbered Mrs. Chameleon charmingly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Anaconda thought he had answered, and was beginning to get princely. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Chameleon doing these days?"

Mrs. Chameleon would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Anaconda sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied fervently.