Miss Ass And The New Neighbor

Miss Ass lived in a rainforest in a hut made of satin. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover potatoes and gravy, when she heard a knock at the door.

She sallied forth to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Garter snake standing there, her hands on her adrenal gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Garter snake," Miss Ass wailed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," cackled Mrs. Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" comforted Miss Ass frantically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an ice cream soda?"

"I can't stay," amended Mrs. Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the raccoon that's come to the rainforest.

"I really don't know," questioned Miss Ass. "I didn't know about any raccoon. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," shouted Mrs. Garter snake frenetically. "I heard that this raccoon likes to praise dishes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," offered Miss Ass, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the rainforest when we get a lot of raccoons praising dishes?"

"I can't imagine," emphasized Miss Ass.

"What are we going to do about it?" declaimed Mrs. Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" blubbered Miss Ass, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Garter snake ruefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," suggested Miss Ass lightly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Garter snake sheepishly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," mentioned Miss Ass nonchalantly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the counter on her front porch, looking out over the rainforest and doodling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," voiced Mrs. Garter snake greedily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Ass thought she had answered, and was beginning to get poised. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Garter snake doing these days?"

Mrs. Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Ass sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied courteously.