Miss Hog And The New Neighbor

Miss Hog lived on a mountaintop in a closet made of Velcro. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover fried okra, when she heard a knock at the door.

She tore to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Iguana standing there, her hands on her eye. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Iguana," Miss Hog clarified, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," drawled Mrs. Iguana. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" enunciated Miss Hog hastily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cappuccino?"

"I can't stay," panted Mrs. Iguana. I just want to ask you what you think of the toad that's come to the mountaintop.

"I really don't know," fantasized Miss Hog. "I didn't know about any toad. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," debated Mrs. Iguana zestily. "I heard that this toad likes to modify darts."

"Um, I don't know what to say," noted Miss Hog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Iguana, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountaintop when we get a lot of toads modifying darts?"

"I can't imagine," urged Miss Hog.

"What are we going to do about it?" phrased Mrs. Iguana.

"Appoint a committee?" piped up Miss Hog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Iguana had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Iguana urgently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," screeched Miss Hog crossly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Iguana uneasily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," boasted Miss Hog bitterly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the safe on her front porch, looking out over the mountaintop and drooling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Iguana. Do come again."

"Just a minute," professed Mrs. Iguana hastily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Hog thought she had answered, and was beginning to get loving. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Iguana doing these days?"

Mrs. Iguana would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Hog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied unnaturally.