Mister Unicorn And The New Neighbor

Mister Unicorn lived in a valley in a Victorian mansion made of cinder block. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chocolate-covered ants, when he heard a knock at the door.

He rolled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Finch standing there, her hands on her kneecap. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Finch," Mister Unicorn thought, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," muttered Mrs. Finch. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" contended Mister Unicorn fondly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a shot of bourbon?"

"I can't stay," expressed Mrs. Finch. I just want to ask you what you think of the snake that's come to the valley.

"I really don't know," screamed Mister Unicorn. "I didn't know about any snake. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," intimated Mrs. Finch charmingly. "I heard that this snake likes to roast magazines."

"Um, I don't know what to say," smiled Mister Unicorn, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Finch, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the valley when we get a lot of snakes roasting magazines?"

"I can't imagine," acknowledged Mister Unicorn.

"What are we going to do about it?" bragged Mrs. Finch.

"Appoint a committee?" yelped Mister Unicorn, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Finch had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Finch sweetly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," hissed Mister Unicorn admiringly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Finch ruefully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," cajoled Mister Unicorn cautiously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the hatstand on his front porch, looking out over the valley and wandering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Finch. Do come again."

"Just a minute," hollered Mrs. Finch glibly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Unicorn thought he had answered, and was beginning to get gregarious. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Finch doing these days?"

Mrs. Finch would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Unicorn sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied arrogantly.