Mister Ant And The New Neighbor

Mister Ant lived on a path in a chapel made of uranium. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover lime sherbet, when he heard a knock at the door.

He stormed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Shrew standing there, his hands on his pancreas. "How nice to see you, Mister Shrew," Mister Ant trumpeted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," barked Mister Shrew. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" burbled Mister Ant recklessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Irish Coffee?"

"I can't stay," mentioned Mister Shrew. I just want to ask you what you think of the turtle that's come to the path.

"I really don't know," blubbered Mister Ant. "I didn't know about any turtle. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," announced Mister Shrew steadily. "I heard that this turtle likes to ridicule necklaces."

"Um, I don't know what to say," grunted Mister Ant, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Shrew, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the path when we get a lot of turtles ridiculing necklaces?"

"I can't imagine," snarled Mister Ant.

"What are we going to do about it?" bragged Mister Shrew.

"Appoint a committee?" implored Mister Ant, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Shrew had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Shrew hopefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," asked Mister Ant testily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Shrew truculently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," worried Mister Ant sadly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the recliner on his front porch, looking out over the path and barking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Shrew. Do come again."

"Just a minute," mused Mister Shrew bitterly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ant thought he had answered, and was beginning to get adorable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Shrew doing these days?"

Mister Shrew would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ant sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied primly.