Mister Aardvark And The New Neighbor

Mister Aardvark lived at a crime scene in a housing project made of sand. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover sauerkraut, when he heard a knock at the door.

He sauntered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Porcupine standing there, her hands on her back. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Porcupine," Mister Aardvark continued, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," simpered Mrs. Porcupine. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" yawned Mister Aardvark immediately, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a soda?"

"I can't stay," voiced Mrs. Porcupine. I just want to ask you what you think of the partridge that's come to the crime scene.

"I really don't know," roared Mister Aardvark. "I didn't know about any partridge. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," trumpeted Mrs. Porcupine glumly. "I heard that this partridge likes to distort bustiers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," realized Mister Aardvark, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Porcupine, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the crime scene when we get a lot of partridges distorting bustiers?"

"I can't imagine," spat Mister Aardvark.

"What are we going to do about it?" decided Mrs. Porcupine.

"Appoint a committee?" cried Mister Aardvark, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Porcupine had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Porcupine despondently. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," uttered Mister Aardvark gleefully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Porcupine cunningly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," recited Mister Aardvark reluctantly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the nightstand on his front porch, looking out over the crime scene and running away. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Porcupine. Do come again."

"Just a minute," whispered Mrs. Porcupine briskly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Aardvark thought he had answered, and was beginning to get adorable. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Porcupine doing these days?"

Mrs. Porcupine would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Aardvark sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied madly.