Mister Antelope And The New Neighbor

Mister Antelope lived on a veld in a wikiup made of sawdust. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tortillas, when he heard a knock at the door.

He swung to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Rattlesnake standing there, her hands on her horn. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Rattlesnake," Mister Antelope concluded, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," rumored Mrs. Rattlesnake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" snarled Mister Antelope uselessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an Alka-Seltzer?"

"I can't stay," interpreted Mrs. Rattlesnake. I just want to ask you what you think of the oyster that's come to the veld.

"I really don't know," contended Mister Antelope. "I didn't know about any oyster. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," answered Mrs. Rattlesnake later. "I heard that this oyster likes to bend spittoons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," sputtered Mister Antelope, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Rattlesnake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the veld when we get a lot of oysters bending spittoons?"

"I can't imagine," scoffed Mister Antelope.

"What are we going to do about it?" harangued Mrs. Rattlesnake.

"Appoint a committee?" proposed Mister Antelope, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Rattlesnake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Rattlesnake dubiously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," growled Mister Antelope frantically, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Rattlesnake frantically. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," swore Mister Antelope boisterously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the card table on his front porch, looking out over the veld and looking angry. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Rattlesnake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," stated Mrs. Rattlesnake wearily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Antelope thought he had answered, and was beginning to get mean. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Rattlesnake doing these days?"

Mrs. Rattlesnake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Antelope sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied vacantly.