Mister Hog And The New Neighbor

Mister Hog lived in a cornfield in a homeless shelter made of duct tape. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover crab rangoon, when he heard a knock at the door.

He bolted to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Bull standing there, her hands on her knee. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Bull," Mister Hog suggested, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," implored Mrs. Bull. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" clarified Mister Hog hopelessly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a painkiller?"

"I can't stay," suggested Mrs. Bull. I just want to ask you what you think of the crow that's come to the cornfield.

"I really don't know," harangued Mister Hog. "I didn't know about any crow. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," vowed Mrs. Bull sarcastically. "I heard that this crow likes to categorize buttons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," swore Mister Hog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Bull, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cornfield when we get a lot of crows categorizing buttons?"

"I can't imagine," vouched Mister Hog.

"What are we going to do about it?" trumpeted Mrs. Bull.

"Appoint a committee?" murmured Mister Hog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Bull had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Bull surreptitiously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," groaned Mister Hog angrily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Bull blindly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," reacted Mister Hog brightly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the dresser on his front porch, looking out over the cornfield and resting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Bull. Do come again."

"Just a minute," declaimed Mrs. Bull recklessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hog thought he had answered, and was beginning to get awkward. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Bull doing these days?"

Mrs. Bull would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied doubtfully.