Mister Porcupine And The New Neighbor

Mister Porcupine lived in a valley in a travel trailer made of hair. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover waffles, when he heard a knock at the door.

He waddled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Eel standing there, his hands on his scalp. "How nice to see you, Mister Eel," Mister Porcupine orated, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," imitated Mister Eel. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" provoked Mister Porcupine clumsily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Bloody Mary?"

"I can't stay," preached Mister Eel. I just want to ask you what you think of the Guinea pig that's come to the valley.

"I really don't know," murmured Mister Porcupine. "I didn't know about any Guinea pig. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," uttered Mister Eel courteously. "I heard that this Guinea pig likes to grasp helmets."

"Um, I don't know what to say," commented Mister Porcupine, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Eel, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the valley when we get a lot of Guinea pigs grasping helmets?"

"I can't imagine," smirked Mister Porcupine.

"What are we going to do about it?" swore Mister Eel.

"Appoint a committee?" swore Mister Porcupine, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Eel had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Eel irritably. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," instructed Mister Porcupine nimbly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Eel needlessly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," analyzed Mister Porcupine haughtily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the cash register on his front porch, looking out over the valley and blowing up. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Eel. Do come again."

"Just a minute," decided Mister Eel fiercely. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Porcupine thought he had answered, and was beginning to get noble. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Eel doing these days?"

Mister Eel would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Porcupine sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied miserably.