Miss Rat And The New Neighbor

Miss Rat lived in a briar patch in a mansion made of gold. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover oyster on the half-shell, when she heard a knock at the door.

She set out to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Otter standing there, his hands on his forehead. "How nice to see you, Mister Otter," Miss Rat spouted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," croaked Mister Otter. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" bragged Miss Rat accidentally, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of buttermilk?"

"I can't stay," scoffed Mister Otter. I just want to ask you what you think of the elephant that's come to the briar patch.

"I really don't know," boomed Miss Rat. "I didn't know about any elephant. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," offered Mister Otter thoughtfully. "I heard that this elephant likes to identify calculators."

"Um, I don't know what to say," mouthed Miss Rat, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Otter, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the briar patch when we get a lot of elephants identifying calculators?"

"I can't imagine," pointed out Miss Rat.

"What are we going to do about it?" snarled Mister Otter.

"Appoint a committee?" quavered Miss Rat, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Otter had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Otter timidly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," added Miss Rat viciously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Otter nimbly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," revealed Miss Rat testily, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the billiard table on her front porch, looking out over the briar patch and breathing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Otter. Do come again."

"Just a minute," asserted Mister Otter perkily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Rat thought she had answered, and was beginning to get spindly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Otter doing these days?"

Mister Otter would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Rat sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied tearfully.