Miss Hog And The New Neighbor

Miss Hog lived on a mountainside in a ranch house made of lead. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover tofu, when she heard a knock at the door.

She jumped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Garter snake standing there, his hands on his dignity. "How nice to see you, Mister Garter snake," Miss Hog lamented, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," said Mister Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" reminded Miss Hog fiercely, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Coke?"

"I can't stay," yammered Mister Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the mule that's come to the mountainside.

"I really don't know," wondered Miss Hog. "I didn't know about any mule. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," brought up Mister Garter snake properly. "I heard that this mule likes to lengthen soccer balls."

"Um, I don't know what to say," continued Miss Hog, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountainside when we get a lot of mules lengthening soccer balls?"

"I can't imagine," growled Miss Hog.

"What are we going to do about it?" lectured Mister Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" scoffed Miss Hog, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Garter snake solemnly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," preached Miss Hog elatedly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Garter snake busily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," questioned Miss Hog innocently, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the armoire on her front porch, looking out over the mountainside and swooning. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," rationalized Mister Garter snake silently. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Hog thought she had answered, and was beginning to get annoying. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Garter snake doing these days?"

Mister Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Hog sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied majestically.