Mister Crab And The New Neighbor

Mister Crab lived on a grassy knoll in a villa made of rock. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover hamburgers, when he heard a knock at the door.

He galloped to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Grasshopper standing there, her hands on her nose. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Grasshopper," Mister Crab brought up, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," groaned Mrs. Grasshopper. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" cackled Mister Crab boldly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of milk?"

"I can't stay," rambled Mrs. Grasshopper. I just want to ask you what you think of the wolverine that's come to the grassy knoll.

"I really don't know," offered Mister Crab. "I didn't know about any wolverine. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," rumored Mrs. Grasshopper openly. "I heard that this wolverine likes to prepare keys."

"Um, I don't know what to say," squawked Mister Crab, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Grasshopper, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the grassy knoll when we get a lot of wolverines preparing keys?"

"I can't imagine," mused Mister Crab.

"What are we going to do about it?" pronounced Mrs. Grasshopper.

"Appoint a committee?" responded Mister Crab, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Grasshopper had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Grasshopper again. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," griped Mister Crab sheepishly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Grasshopper blindly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," bawled Mister Crab anxiously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the dining table on his front porch, looking out over the grassy knoll and quivering. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Grasshopper. Do come again."

"Just a minute," remarked Mrs. Grasshopper gingerly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Crab thought he had answered, and was beginning to get vacuous. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Grasshopper doing these days?"

Mrs. Grasshopper would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Crab sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied viciously.