Miss Newt And The New Neighbor

Miss Newt lived in a cave in a cabin made of asbestos. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover potatoes and gravy, when she heard a knock at the door.

She flew to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mrs. Garter snake standing there, her hands on her liver. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Garter snake," Miss Newt expressed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," cajoled Mrs. Garter snake. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" grunted Miss Newt sourly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a 7-Up?"

"I can't stay," concluded Mrs. Garter snake. I just want to ask you what you think of the duck-billed platypus that's come to the cave.

"I really don't know," grieved Miss Newt. "I didn't know about any duck-billed platypus. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," offered Mrs. Garter snake caustically. "I heard that this duck-billed platypus likes to drench darts."

"Um, I don't know what to say," proposed Miss Newt, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Garter snake, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cave when we get a lot of duck-billed platypi drenching darts?"

"I can't imagine," laughed Miss Newt.

"What are we going to do about it?" gasped Mrs. Garter snake.

"Appoint a committee?" amended Miss Newt, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Garter snake had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Garter snake grimly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," muttered Miss Newt crazily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Garter snake angrily. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," brought up Miss Newt happily, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the beanbag chair on her front porch, looking out over the cave and dancing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Garter snake. Do come again."

"Just a minute," taunted Mrs. Garter snake elatedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Newt thought she had answered, and was beginning to get angry. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Garter snake doing these days?"

Mrs. Garter snake would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Newt sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied defiantly.