Mister Ass And The New Neighbor

Mister Ass lived in a cave in a mansion made of wire. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover succotash, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slunk to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Rooster standing there, his hands on his throat. "How nice to see you, Mister Rooster," Mister Ass questioned, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," railed Mister Rooster. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" retorted Mister Ass arrogantly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an iced tea?"

"I can't stay," realized Mister Rooster. I just want to ask you what you think of the panther that's come to the cave.

"I really don't know," screamed Mister Ass. "I didn't know about any panther. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," continued Mister Rooster awkwardly. "I heard that this panther likes to shrink shoes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," vouched Mister Ass, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Rooster, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cave when we get a lot of panthers shrinking shoes?"

"I can't imagine," murmured Mister Ass.

"What are we going to do about it?" bellowed Mister Rooster.

"Appoint a committee?" contended Mister Ass, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Rooster had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Rooster strictly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," comforted Mister Ass irritably, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Rooster sourly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," inquired Mister Ass gleefully, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the catbird seat on his front porch, looking out over the cave and grinning. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Rooster. Do come again."

"Just a minute," sputtered Mister Rooster ignobly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Ass thought he had answered, and was beginning to get pigeon-toed. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Rooster doing these days?"

Mister Rooster would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Ass sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied crazily.