Mister Pelican And The New Neighbor

Mister Pelican lived on a mountaintop in a nunnery made of uranium. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cookies, when he heard a knock at the door.

He climbed to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Porcupine standing there, her hands on her midriff. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Porcupine," Mister Pelican vouched, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," asserted Mrs. Porcupine. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" shrieked Mister Pelican trustingly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of eggnog?"

"I can't stay," babbled Mrs. Porcupine. I just want to ask you what you think of the koala that's come to the mountaintop.

"I really don't know," cackled Mister Pelican. "I didn't know about any koala. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," roared Mrs. Porcupine positively. "I heard that this koala likes to condemn hats."

"Um, I don't know what to say," urged Mister Pelican, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Porcupine, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountaintop when we get a lot of koalas condemning hats?"

"I can't imagine," opined Mister Pelican.

"What are we going to do about it?" alleged Mrs. Porcupine.

"Appoint a committee?" imitated Mister Pelican, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Porcupine had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Porcupine ignobly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," brought up Mister Pelican anxiously, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Porcupine defiantly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," shouted Mister Pelican roughly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the pedestal on his front porch, looking out over the mountaintop and shaking. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Porcupine. Do come again."

"Just a minute," concluded Mrs. Porcupine fearlessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Pelican thought he had answered, and was beginning to get ignoble. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Porcupine doing these days?"

Mrs. Porcupine would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Pelican sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied wearily.