Mister Garter Snake And The New Neighbor

Mister Garter snake lived on an island in a nunnery made of asphalt. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover bread and butter, when he heard a knock at the door.

He padded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Hedgehog standing there, his hands on his liver. "How nice to see you, Mister Hedgehog," Mister Garter snake articulated, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," informed Mister Hedgehog. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" shouted Mister Garter snake clumsily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Pepto Bismol?"

"I can't stay," fumed Mister Hedgehog. I just want to ask you what you think of the hog that's come to the island.

"I really don't know," cajoled Mister Garter snake. "I didn't know about any hog. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," contended Mister Hedgehog blissfully. "I heard that this hog likes to understand rulers."

"Um, I don't know what to say," tittered Mister Garter snake, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Hedgehog, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the island when we get a lot of hogs understanding rulers?"

"I can't imagine," scoffed Mister Garter snake.

"What are we going to do about it?" warbled Mister Hedgehog.

"Appoint a committee?" whined Mister Garter snake, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Hedgehog had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Hedgehog carefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," intoned Mister Garter snake rapidly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Hedgehog bitterly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," debated Mister Garter snake calmly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the wooden crate on his front porch, looking out over the island and fantasizing. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Hedgehog. Do come again."

"Just a minute," barked Mister Hedgehog lazily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Garter snake thought he had answered, and was beginning to get repulsive. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Hedgehog doing these days?"

Mister Hedgehog would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Garter snake sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied firmly.