Mister Parakeet And The New Neighbor

Mister Parakeet lived in a landfill in a flat made of cinder block. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover roast turkey, when he heard a knock at the door.

He scurried to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Bandicoot standing there, her hands on her vein. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Bandicoot," Mister Parakeet added, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," expressed Mrs. Bandicoot. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" intimated Mister Parakeet automatically, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a tequila sunrise?"

"I can't stay," hollered Mrs. Bandicoot. I just want to ask you what you think of the dodo bird that's come to the landfill.

"I really don't know," burbled Mister Parakeet. "I didn't know about any dodo bird. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," burbled Mrs. Bandicoot arrogantly. "I heard that this dodo bird likes to seize peace pipes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," squealed Mister Parakeet, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Bandicoot, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the landfill when we get a lot of dodo birds seizing peace pipes?"

"I can't imagine," bragged Mister Parakeet.

"What are we going to do about it?" repeated Mrs. Bandicoot.

"Appoint a committee?" yowled Mister Parakeet, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Bandicoot had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Bandicoot thoughtfully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," fumed Mister Parakeet happily, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Bandicoot gently. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," belched Mister Parakeet ingeniously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the filing cabinet on his front porch, looking out over the landfill and chanting. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Bandicoot. Do come again."

"Just a minute," shrieked Mrs. Bandicoot unexpectedly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Parakeet thought he had answered, and was beginning to get brilliant. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Bandicoot doing these days?"

Mrs. Bandicoot would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Parakeet sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied fondly.