Mister Rattlesnake And The New Neighbor

Mister Rattlesnake lived on a ridge in a townhouse made of old rags. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover fried eggs, when he heard a knock at the door.

He paraded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Ape standing there, her hands on her eye. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Ape," Mister Rattlesnake intimated, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," burbled Mrs. Ape. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" blurted Mister Rattlesnake urgently, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a Manhattan?"

"I can't stay," urged Mrs. Ape. I just want to ask you what you think of the lizard that's come to the ridge.

"I really don't know," reminded Mister Rattlesnake. "I didn't know about any lizard. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," mumbled Mrs. Ape arrogantly. "I heard that this lizard likes to reject pieces of paper."

"Um, I don't know what to say," preached Mister Rattlesnake, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Ape, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the ridge when we get a lot of lizards rejecting pieces of paper?"

"I can't imagine," grieved Mister Rattlesnake.

"What are we going to do about it?" sniffed Mrs. Ape.

"Appoint a committee?" acknowledged Mister Rattlesnake, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Ape had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Ape speedily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," decided Mister Rattlesnake uselessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Ape caustically. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," babbled Mister Rattlesnake softly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the umbrella stand on his front porch, looking out over the ridge and sweating. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Ape. Do come again."

"Just a minute," noted Mrs. Ape greedily. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Rattlesnake thought he had answered, and was beginning to get pert. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Ape doing these days?"

Mrs. Ape would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Rattlesnake sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied furiously.