Miss Porcupine And The New Neighbor

Miss Porcupine lived in a rainforest in a geodesic dome made of uranium. One morning, she had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover cornbread, when she heard a knock at the door.

She straggled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

She was surprised to see Mister Badger standing there, his hands on his pituitary gland. "How nice to see you, Mister Badger," Miss Porcupine spewed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," shuddered Mister Badger. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" provoked Miss Porcupine brightly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a piña colada?"

"I can't stay," panted Mister Badger. I just want to ask you what you think of the dachshund that's come to the rainforest.

"I really don't know," stated Miss Porcupine. "I didn't know about any dachshund. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," pleaded Mister Badger anxiously. "I heard that this dachshund likes to decontaminate pairs of dice."

"Um, I don't know what to say," demanded Miss Porcupine, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Badger, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the rainforest when we get a lot of dachshunds decontaminating pairs of dice?"

"I can't imagine," preached Miss Porcupine.

"What are we going to do about it?" rebutted Mister Badger.

"Appoint a committee?" fantasized Miss Porcupine, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Badger had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Badger woefully. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," contended Miss Porcupine bitterly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding herself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Badger narrowly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," interrupted Miss Porcupine nimbly, thinking of all the time she'd prefer to be sitting on the dining table on her front porch, looking out over the rainforest and vegetating. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Badger. Do come again."

"Just a minute," amended Mister Badger narrowly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Miss Porcupine thought she had answered, and was beginning to get sincere. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Badger doing these days?"

Mister Badger would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Miss Porcupine sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," she replied ferociously.