Mister Spider And The New Neighbor

Mister Spider lived on a mountaintop in a motel made of Kevlar. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover ramen noodles, when he heard a knock at the door.

He slunk to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Doggie standing there, her hands on her shin. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Doggie," Mister Spider interpreted, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," griped Mrs. Doggie. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" said Mister Spider blankly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cappuccino?"

"I can't stay," clarified Mrs. Doggie. I just want to ask you what you think of the sasquatch that's come to the mountaintop.

"I really don't know," worried Mister Spider. "I didn't know about any sasquatch. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," whined Mrs. Doggie madly. "I heard that this sasquatch likes to whip buttons."

"Um, I don't know what to say," sneered Mister Spider, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Doggie, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the mountaintop when we get a lot of sasquatches whipping buttons?"

"I can't imagine," vowed Mister Spider.

"What are we going to do about it?" peeped Mrs. Doggie.

"Appoint a committee?" implored Mister Spider, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Doggie had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Doggie numbly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," crooned Mister Spider needlessly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Doggie sorrowfully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," spat Mister Spider grandly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the windowsill on his front porch, looking out over the mountaintop and dawdling. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Doggie. Do come again."

"Just a minute," trumpeted Mrs. Doggie breathlessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Spider thought he had answered, and was beginning to get cuddly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Doggie doing these days?"

Mrs. Doggie would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Spider sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied surreptitiously.