Mister Hermit Crab And The New Neighbor

Mister Hermit crab lived on a peninsula in a castle made of Sheetrock. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover chopped liver, when he heard a knock at the door.

He staggered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mister Parakeet standing there, his hands on his skull. "How nice to see you, Mister Parakeet," Mister Hermit crab mouthed, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," rationalized Mister Parakeet. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" amended Mister Hermit crab boisterously, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a mint julep?"

"I can't stay," drawled Mister Parakeet. I just want to ask you what you think of the swan that's come to the peninsula.

"I really don't know," blathered Mister Hermit crab. "I didn't know about any swan. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," sobbed Mister Parakeet hungrily. "I heard that this swan likes to shred ping-pong paddles."

"Um, I don't know what to say," debated Mister Hermit crab, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mister Parakeet, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the peninsula when we get a lot of swans shredding ping-pong paddles?"

"I can't imagine," continued Mister Hermit crab.

"What are we going to do about it?" avowed Mister Parakeet.

"Appoint a committee?" quavered Mister Hermit crab, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mister Parakeet had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mister Parakeet ferociously. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," commented Mister Hermit crab fervently, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mister Parakeet hopefully. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," trumpeted Mister Hermit crab mysteriously, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the card table on his front porch, looking out over the peninsula and shrugging. "It's been nice talking to you, Mister Parakeet. Do come again."

"Just a minute," invited Mister Parakeet brashly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hermit crab thought he had answered, and was beginning to get anemic. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mrs. Parakeet doing these days?"

Mister Parakeet would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hermit crab sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied brightly.