Mister Hawk And The New Neighbor

Mister Hawk lived in a cornfield in a dugout made of cardboard. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover crumb cake, when he heard a knock at the door.

He staggered to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Oyster standing there, her hands on her thyroid gland. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Oyster," Mister Hawk sputtered, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," indicated Mrs. Oyster. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" chimed Mister Hawk ignobly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"I can't stay," stammered Mrs. Oyster. I just want to ask you what you think of the parakeet that's come to the cornfield.

"I really don't know," cajoled Mister Hawk. "I didn't know about any parakeet. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," invited Mrs. Oyster strangely. "I heard that this parakeet likes to sharpen pencils."

"Um, I don't know what to say," blurted Mister Hawk, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Oyster, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the cornfield when we get a lot of parakeets sharpening pencils?"

"I can't imagine," interrupted Mister Hawk.

"What are we going to do about it?" squeaked Mrs. Oyster.

"Appoint a committee?" retorted Mister Hawk, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Oyster had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Oyster stealthily. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," smirked Mister Hawk cunningly, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Oyster bravely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," said Mister Hawk lightly, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the safe on his front porch, looking out over the cornfield and playing Farmer in the Dell. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Oyster. Do come again."

"Just a minute," observed Mrs. Oyster pityingly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Hawk thought he had answered, and was beginning to get cuddly. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Oyster doing these days?"

Mrs. Oyster would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Hawk sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied wearily.