Mister Partridge And The New Neighbor

Mister Partridge lived in a badlands area in a retreat made of stainless steel. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover beef bouillon, when he heard a knock at the door.

He sidled to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Grasshopper standing there, her hands on her ankle. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Grasshopper," Mister Partridge alleged, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," prattled Mrs. Grasshopper. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" groaned Mister Partridge craftily, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you a cup of hot cider?"

"I can't stay," warbled Mrs. Grasshopper. I just want to ask you what you think of the cockatiel that's come to the badlands area.

"I really don't know," interpreted Mister Partridge. "I didn't know about any cockatiel. I'm sure he is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," yawned Mrs. Grasshopper angrily. "I heard that this cockatiel likes to drench hot potatoes."

"Um, I don't know what to say," pleaded Mister Partridge, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Grasshopper, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the badlands area when we get a lot of cockatiels drenching hot potatoes?"

"I can't imagine," agreed Mister Partridge.

"What are we going to do about it?" drawled Mrs. Grasshopper.

"Appoint a committee?" blathered Mister Partridge, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Grasshopper had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Grasshopper valiantly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," chimed Mister Partridge irritably, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Grasshopper sadly. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," raved Mister Partridge wearily, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the four-poster bed on his front porch, looking out over the badlands area and expectorating. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Grasshopper. Do come again."

"Just a minute," joked Mrs. Grasshopper proudly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Partridge thought he had answered, and was beginning to get considerate. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Grasshopper doing these days?"

Mrs. Grasshopper would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Partridge sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied stealthily.