Mister Gerbil And The New Neighbor

Mister Gerbil lived in a briar patch in a homeless shelter made of plastic. One morning, he had just finished breakfast and was putting away the leftover fish and chips, when he heard a knock at the door.

He skidded to the door, wondering who would be stopping for a visit at this time of day.

He was surprised to see Mrs. Yeti standing there, her hands on her toupee. "How nice to see you, Mrs. Yeti," Mister Gerbil croaked, not at all sure it was indeed nice. "The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure," preached Mrs. Yeti. "May I come in?"

"Oh, I'm forgetting my manners!" asked Mister Gerbil jokingly, opening the door wide. "Please come in. Can I get you an old fashioned?"

"I can't stay," announced Mrs. Yeti. I just want to ask you what you think of the ladybug that's come to the briar patch.

"I really don't know," raved Mister Gerbil. "I didn't know about any ladybug. I'm sure she is very nice."

"Well don't be so sure," giggled Mrs. Yeti crazily. "I heard that this ladybug likes to shave oriental vases."

"Um, I don't know what to say," wailed Mister Gerbil, who really didn't know what to say.

"Well I do," said Mrs. Yeti, who always seemed to know what to say. "What do you think is going to happen to the briar patch when we get a lot of ladybugs shaving oriental vases?"

"I can't imagine," fantasized Mister Gerbil.

"What are we going to do about it?" simpered Mrs. Yeti.

"Appoint a committee?" opined Mister Gerbil, who was pretty sure a committee was what Mrs. Yeti had in mind.

"That's exactly right," said Mrs. Yeti stupidly. "A committee to study the problem."

"Well that's a fine idea," yowled Mister Gerbil tearfully, who wanted to bring the conversation to a close quickly, without finding himself on this committee.

"I'd like for you to be on the committee," said Mrs. Yeti intensely. "You always have such good ideas."

"Oh, I don't think I'd have time for that," agreed Mister Gerbil automatically, thinking of all the time he'd prefer to be sitting on the crib on his front porch, looking out over the briar patch and swaying. "It's been nice talking to you, Mrs. Yeti. Do come again."

"Just a minute," observed Mrs. Yeti effortlessly. "You didn't answer about the committee."

Mister Gerbil thought he had answered, and was beginning to get spunky. "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It is a lovely day, isn't it? How is Mister Yeti doing these days?"

Mrs. Yeti would have none of it. "So, let's meet at your house, say tomorrow at two?"

Mister Gerbil sighed. "Tomorrow at two it is," he replied urgently.