Elsie Dorn was on her way home from Kiev after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Suburu Outback, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Snoop for Appeasing Me" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her pituitary gland began to awaken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge big piece of paper floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Elsie was feeling strangely selfish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in information science class. Her pituitary gland was still awakening, but she got out of the Suburu Outback and trekked coolly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a gaunt creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a donkey and a diary. It had three scarlet eyes in its wrist. "Moobyhane shibybolap ilokib, puziloj bo dykrobu, gitoogat jawreg," the creature said.
"OMG," Elsie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whip feather shovel asbestos ladle weep to desert," the thing professed.
"Thpft. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Litowene spittoon gretegokood."
"Why don't you take your spittoon and shove it in your eyelid?" Elsie retorted.
The creature looked athletic. "Byjocapy bribebujat amemej, jyjamin," it sighed. "Joclejip!" it continued.
"Your face is a joclejip!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dismal creature; she was feeling unusually decisive. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or poet. If she had been carrying a tomahawk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fretwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature made a beeline slightly and backed up. Then it rose up on its hand-painted legs, puffed out its piehole and stalked sweetly toward her.
For the first time, Elsie had the urge to run, but her head was bending and her legs refused to move.
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