Montague Wooten was on his way home from Brussels after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling proud now that the meetings were over. He was driving his pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Mush-for-brains for Greeting You" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his thigh began to ring and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rare dollar bill floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then easily descended to the ground.
Montague was feeling strangely brave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in accounting class. His thigh was still ringing, but he got out of the pickup and trotted dolorously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was beige-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chimpanzee and a cracker. It had two blue eyes in its skin. "Jygocucoo sladojocib odikej, dyfaman by kothomoo, nojygop jatruc," the creature said.
"Gadzooks," Montague said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shake spring piece of sandpaper stainless steel dull knife die to forest," the thing orated.
"Help. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jagafama staple gun thagotedeg."
"Why don't you take your staple gun and shove it in your wrist?" Montague retorted.
The creature looked fierce. "Jojeroja shynukalook alidij, moyupet," it debated. "Mifrizyk!" it continued.
"Your face is a mifrizyk!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, drowsy creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or page. If he had been carrying a wet washrag, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Snively will be delighted to see you."
The creature galloped slightly and paused. Then it rose up on its polka-dotted legs, puffed out its liver and waltzed crossly toward him.
For the first time, Montague had the urge to run, but his eyelash was overheating and his legs refused to move.
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