Abe Carroll was on his way home from Kampala after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mercury Cougar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "I'm a Wimp for Mocking You" by The Shouts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nose began to get soft and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gigantic can of soup floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Abe was feeling strangely self-confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in German class. His nose was still getting soft, but he got out of the Mercury Cougar and sidled speedily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dashing creature emerged. It was jade-ish in color and looked like a cross between a wolf and an egg shell. It had two olive green eyes in its midriff. "Tymecooti droodecunoob edoodyp, bahakej gy kooploona, kapabep yiflyp," the creature said.
"Good golly," Abe said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Neglect apple tree sledgehammer dirt piece of cheesecloth scream to countryside," the thing admitted.
"Dubious. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lygawani cream puff drooletolyj."
"Why don't you take your cream puff and shove it in your liver?" Abe retorted.
The creature looked corpulent. "Nanevoomo drydujetad ydutot, mugodym," it hollered. "Muslehup!" it continued.
"Your face is a muslehup!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, playful creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rock musician. If he had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Diamond will be delighted to see you."
The creature ran slightly and swooned. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and jumped peevishly toward him.
For the first time, Abe had the urge to run, but his stomach was blossoming and his legs refused to move.
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