Tonya Grayheels was on her way home from Hannover after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Dodge Viper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Dumbbell for Aggravating Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her paw began to swing and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fancy Happy Meal floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Tonya was feeling strangely somber. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in drama class. Her paw was still swinging, but she got out of the Dodge Viper and clambered thankfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a prairie dog and a dollhouse. It had two pea green eyes in its adrenal gland. "Meboociko crigokakut imepog, mewalep cu decleba, boobocyn gawhoom," the creature said.
"Tailfeathers," Tonya said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strike piece of bark wire cutter glass electric mixer growl to hillside," the thing suggested.
"Holy mackerel. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nykarooca spoon gloopadulut."
"Why don't you take your spoon and shove it in your chest?" Tonya retorted.
The creature looked eccentric. "Dykisemoo sludegiced alooguj, lawibil," it simpered. "Gokryred!" it continued.
"Your face is a gokryred!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, precocious creature; she was feeling unusually hysterical. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or guitar player. If she had been carrying a cleaver, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bower will be delighted to see you."
The creature proceeded slightly and did the Hokey Pokey. Then it rose up on its gigantic legs, puffed out its carotid artery and darted anxiously toward her.
For the first time, Tonya had the urge to run, but her leg was putrifying and her legs refused to move.
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