Debbie Gilson was on her way home from Peoria after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Ford pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope for Quoting You" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her palm began to get tired and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge narrow hat floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Debbie was feeling strangely lethargic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in alchemy class. Her palm was still getting tired, but she got out of the Ford pickup and cantered hysterically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a beautiful creature emerged. It was silver-ish in color and looked like a cross between a chimpanzee and a camera. It had five crimson eyes in its toenail. "Dymuvata quipelapig ytinok, nooyalut bi ceclydu, lomydik feghoop," the creature said.
"Criminy," Debbie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Observe tree razor blade Sheetrock potato peeler growl to country meadow," the thing professed.
"Hallelujah. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loobarapa coat check ticket thomacugym."
"Why don't you take your coat check ticket and shove it in your waist?" Debbie retorted.
The creature looked garrulous. "Ligisomo flacukibut ekajol, lovunac," it croaked. "Kucrufub!" it continued.
"Your face is a kucrufub!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, rude creature; she was feeling unusually cunning. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bus driver. If she had been carrying an assault rifle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Simon will be delighted to see you."
The creature swung slightly and laughed. Then it rose up on its dry legs, puffed out its leg and whirled positively toward her.
For the first time, Debbie had the urge to run, but her ear was freezing and her legs refused to move.
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