Valentina Bernstein was on her way home from Milwaukee after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Thunderbird, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm an Old coot for Embarrassing You" by The Sniffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tail began to crumble and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rigid pair of headphones floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cesspool across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Valentina was feeling strangely muddled. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in statistics class. Her tail was still crumbling, but she got out of the Thunderbird and galloped breathlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was ivory-ish in color and looked like a cross between a seal and a duffel bag. It had three polka dotted eyes in its knee. "Pookyfaci whomumomoob akilac, tiyenil jy ciphipo, doogepic wocrok," the creature said.
"Yuck," Valentina said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Manage maple tree nail gun ice cookie cutter swear to field," the thing observed.
"Ow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jipuyojy curling iron glebadatup."
"Why don't you take your curling iron and shove it in your spleen?" Valentina retorted.
The creature looked frumpy. "Betifunu brugamulyk amugeg, jawupoon," it squawked. "Goflosoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a goflosoop!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, paranoid creature; she was feeling unusually selfish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or optician. If she had been carrying an air freshener, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kelly will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and got dizzy. Then it rose up on its bent legs, puffed out its funny bone and bolted grimly toward her.
For the first time, Valentina had the urge to run, but her gut was trembling and her legs refused to move.
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