Arturo Quinlan was on his way home from Palmdale after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mazda RX-7, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "You're a Ninnyhammer for Blinking at Me" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his calf began to get sweaty and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking campaign sign floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the range across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Arturo was feeling strangely timid. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in evolutionary biology class. His calf was still getting sweaty, but he got out of the Mazda RX-7 and stormed dreamily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a donkey and a barbell. It had seven polka dotted eyes in its chin. "Cekeyubo plukanepoot etebym, boowucej py keslona, letoonil yaphac," the creature said.
"When pigs fly," Arturo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Maintain raspberry bush pair of safety glasses porcelain ladle dawdle to island," the thing quoted.
"Woof. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Noogawipe cigarette krodedydik."
"Why don't you take your cigarette and shove it in your bladder?" Arturo retorted.
The creature looked phlegmatic. "Pynyvyjy flokylidoom ydoomig, lecetug," it debated. "Jooshyroot!" it continued.
"Your face is a jooshyroot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ungainly creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or admiral in the Moroccan Marines. If he had been carrying a flashlight, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lizard will be delighted to see you."
The creature pranced slightly and flinched. Then it rose up on its disgusting legs, puffed out its abdomen and flew sharply toward him.
For the first time, Arturo had the urge to run, but his thyroid gland was wrinkling and his legs refused to move.
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