Paula Caldwell was on her way home from Escondido after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling suave now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Suburu Forester, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "You're an Airhead for Spitting at Me" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her aorta began to thicken and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent billfold floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Paula was feeling strangely dumb. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in medicine class. Her aorta was still thickening, but she got out of the Suburu Forester and lumbered grandly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a quail and a bag of potato chips. It had two purple eyes in its eyelash. "Tudoozaci prononatit opipej, mojabec cy kequujy, pelygip gychij," the creature said.
"Get out," Paula said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reconsider weed wire cutter cement pair of tongs hum to valley," the thing divulged.
"You're kidding. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tijoovaje bullet kracujebet."
"Why don't you take your bullet and shove it in your midriff?" Paula retorted.
The creature looked masculine. "Gemooyoke phootucydoc egoopij, noocegot," it intoned. "Digrisac!" it continued.
"Your face is a digrisac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, obnoxious creature; she was feeling unusually muddled. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or test pilot. If she had been carrying a camera, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Caldwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature tiptoed slightly and slobbered. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its nostril and slithered shakily toward her.
For the first time, Paula had the urge to run, but her toupee was rising and her legs refused to move.
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