Willard Arp was on his way home from Topeka after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling furious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his rocket pack, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "You're a Dumbbell for Thumping Me" by The Cackles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his earlobe began to cramp and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gleaming balloon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gulch across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Willard was feeling strangely sober. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in agriculture class. His earlobe was still cramping, but he got out of the rocket pack and traipsed primly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an albino creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hedgehog and a compass. It had two emerald green eyes in its throat. "Booperuku proonupibooc ejumoon, bafeman la dikroona, daboobel yoobrug," the creature said.
"Judas Priest," Willard said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Finish egg shell pair of tweezers Elmer's glue meat thermometer flinch to lagoon," the thing whispered.
"Aaaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gilicoco tote bag clibydemoot."
"Why don't you take your tote bag and shove it in your wrist?" Willard retorted.
The creature looked smart. "Mabifoody frydakoloom okacyl, lirebet," it repeated. "Joopryhac!" it continued.
"Your face is a joopryhac!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, noble creature; he was feeling unusually excitable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fire marshal. If he had been carrying a syringe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bobbit will be delighted to see you."
The creature strode slightly and got angry. Then it rose up on its slimy legs, puffed out its larynx and stormed courteously toward him.
For the first time, Willard had the urge to run, but his buttocks was sweating and his legs refused to move.
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