Billy Bob Eichmann was on his way home from Bologna after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling carefree now that the meetings were over. He was driving his flatbed truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Mush-for-brains for Fooling You" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his leg began to bounce and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge small whoopee cushion floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Billy Bob was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in psychology class. His leg was still bouncing, but he got out of the flatbed truck and struggled madly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a camel and a dog biscuit. It had seven olive drab eyes in its scalp. "Pokeyumoo shemopetad omycek, cazoopad ko neshobe, batadoop giphop," the creature said.
"Swell," Billy Bob said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Puncture pine cone axe platinum spatula grunt to plateau," the thing fretted.
"Land's sakes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Linocaju pair of pliers trunatelel."
"Why don't you take your pair of pliers and shove it in your elbow?" Billy Bob retorted.
The creature looked sensible. "Gyjazegy quoobynoomek ycojog, luyapim," it explained. "Dichocoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a dichocoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, adorable creature; he was feeling unusually sarcastic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or delivery driver. If he had been carrying a silver bullet, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Manning will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and jerked. Then it rose up on its jagged legs, puffed out its nose and bounced positively toward him.
For the first time, Billy Bob had the urge to run, but his aorta was going nuts and his legs refused to move.
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