Octavio Wilhelm was on his way home from Columbia after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Fiesta, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "You're a Dunce for Pleasing Me" by The Smiles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyeball began to blister and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge modern coupon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Octavio was feeling strangely cantankerous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in business class. His eyeball was still blistering, but he got out of the Ford Fiesta and lumbered tearfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blushing creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a teddy bear. It had three pink eyes in its palm. "Metycyga slootekubop egekyk, doyugyn gi dowhaboo, tolykyt juplat," the creature said.
"My gosh," Octavio said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Gold plate weed bit of Elmer's glue Spanish moss bare foot rock to range," the thing pronounced.
"Spiffy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Megajooco paperclip flemeloocib."
"Why don't you take your paperclip and shove it in your eyeball?" Octavio retorted.
The creature looked sketchy. "Totawyke thoomopejip ylonag, geruman," it squawked. "Bowrorig!" it continued.
"Your face is a bowrorig!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, mean creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bounty hunter. If he had been carrying a dart gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Arp will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and calmed down. Then it rose up on its flexible legs, puffed out its cheek and zipped repeatedly toward him.
For the first time, Octavio had the urge to run, but his carotid artery was feeling weird and his legs refused to move.
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