Sheila Sloan was on her way home from Lancaster after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling carefree now that the meetings were over. She was driving her gondola, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Colorado, etc. etc. "You're an Imbecile for Caring for Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tummy began to sting and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge archaic mushroom floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the park across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Sheila was feeling strangely impish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in oceanography class. Her tummy was still stinging, but she got out of the gondola and skidded ignobly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a grubby creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cougar and an ironing board. It had eight polka dotted eyes in its forehead. "Cookoofice ghulujolij oocelad, povenyt ly jewrate, nepypad cooclym," the creature said.
"Inconceivable," Sheila said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Swirl mulberry tree knife steel foot pucker to wasteland," the thing complained.
"Great balls of fire. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jabyfoojo box of candy flonujudab."
"Why don't you take your box of candy and shove it in your nose?" Sheila retorted.
The creature looked clever. "Goopoogoobu quolylopod igykal, doovynet," it judged. "Giwroosyn!" it continued.
"Your face is a giwroosyn!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, tall creature; she was feeling unusually distressed. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or kindergarten teacher. If she had been carrying a shotgun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Simon will be delighted to see you."
The creature staggered slightly and got dizzy. Then it rose up on its autographed legs, puffed out its hair and leapt haughtily toward her.
For the first time, Sheila had the urge to run, but her lung was peeling and her legs refused to move.
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