Borat Killeen was on his way home from Santiago after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. He was driving his little red wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "I'm a Geek for Charming You" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nostril began to close down and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing terra cotta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge decrepit clam floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Borat was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in science class. His nostril was still closing down, but he got out of the little red wagon and scampered oddly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a neat creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ass and a brochure. It had two salmon eyes in its collarbone. "Mytycagu brulakemeb oolutub, nizonil bo gubrynu, jygybej gashil," the creature said.
"Eeek," Borat said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Re-evaluate bit of moss fingernail clipper platinum mixing spoon squint to pond," the thing urged.
"Man alive. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gonyhake file folder ghatucamap."
"Why don't you take your file folder and shove it in your hand?" Borat retorted.
The creature looked comely. "Cukyfuko kropinoodim edicub, gucijug," it announced. "Toglawot!" it continued.
"Your face is a toglawot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tall creature; he was feeling unusually carefree. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or system administrator. If he had been carrying a lance, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Jacobsen will be delighted to see you."
The creature skidded slightly and yelped. Then it rose up on its smumpy legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and leapt wryly toward him.
For the first time, Borat had the urge to run, but his aorta was shredding and his legs refused to move.
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