Nathan Bunyan was on his way home from Helsinki after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "You're a Nag for Astonishing Me" by The Bows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his bladder began to widen and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crusty cigarette lighter floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then ponderously descended to the ground.
Nathan was feeling strangely lazy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physics class. His bladder was still widening, but he got out of the pickup and lumbered boisterously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was olive green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a garter snake and a business card. It had three peach eyes in its spine. "Gugefygy slamemoobyd odoopyc, jugocyl ne kephito, kemoocym rooshom," the creature said.
"Good gracious," Nathan said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Choke sea shell punch pillow fork sit still to park," the thing spoke up.
"Cock-a-doodle-doo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Badoofooki ironing board phitadupoog."
"Why don't you take your ironing board and shove it in your spinal cord?" Nathan retorted.
The creature looked anemic. "Bapafaji cliboojoojat ypipud, noogokog," it decided. "Bashyzub!" it continued.
"Your face is a bashyzub!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, obese creature; he was feeling unusually angry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mystic. If he had been carrying a hand grenade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Poole will be delighted to see you."
The creature scampered slightly and twitched. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its kidney and stalked zestily toward him.
For the first time, Nathan had the urge to run, but his little toe was calcifying and his legs refused to move.
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