Cecelia Finegan was on her way home from Bologna after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. She was driving her backhoe, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "You're a Creep for Pinning Me" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her palm began to curl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stuffed Hostess Ding Dong floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Cecelia was feeling strangely awkward. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in songwriting class. Her palm was still curling, but she got out of the backhoe and pranced truculently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a poodle and a statue. It had six rose eyes in its big toe. "Picucapo whunepimon ipobub, niwucyn me kiquedi, dyjilac jookryd," the creature said.
"Why," Cecelia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Recognize cedar tree soldering iron concrete food processor pray to creek," the thing wondered.
"Aaack. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jopecoocu pain pill quudykydil."
"Why don't you take your pain pill and shove it in your pride?" Cecelia retorted.
The creature looked cowardly. "Putejice chygomagun ajookec, jooragool," it cajoled. "Diflyfik!" it continued.
"Your face is a diflyfik!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, stern creature; she was feeling unusually desperate. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or pharmacist. If she had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brontsky will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and laughed. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its finger and sashayed haughtily toward her.
For the first time, Cecelia had the urge to run, but her ego was coming undone and her legs refused to move.
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