Lorrie Major was on her way home from Spokane after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling petulant now that the meetings were over. She was driving her garbage truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "You're a Buzzard for Charming Me" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her finger began to wave and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electronic chair floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountainside across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Lorrie was feeling strangely fiendish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in mathematics class. Her finger was still waving, but she got out of the garbage truck and staggered arrogantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a brine shrimp and a bird feeder. It had eight salmon eyes in its toenail. "Lookyzyby flutylonin atudop, degemad ca cycripo, mojeluj hoquoop," the creature said.
"Poof," Lorrie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Clean sea shell dust cloth stone Sham-Wow! seethe to meadow," the thing noted.
"Shame. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dececemi balloon choditibub."
"Why don't you take your balloon and shove it in your buttocks?" Lorrie retorted.
The creature looked absent-minded. "Cypocugoo brookatibam alocoob, muvecyk," it divulged. "Lyplecol!" it continued.
"Your face is a lyplecol!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cuddly creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or elementary school teacher. If she had been carrying an AK-47, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Briggs will be delighted to see you."
The creature sidled slightly and squinted. Then it rose up on its bizarre legs, puffed out its beard and loped shakily toward her.
For the first time, Lorrie had the urge to run, but her face was writhing and her legs refused to move.
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