Jackson Santos was on his way home from Knoxville after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Vega, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Nerd for Operating on You" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his nostril began to crawl and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge damaged playing card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the jungle across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Jackson was feeling strangely furious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in civics class. His nostril was still crawling, but he got out of the Chevy Vega and sped unabashedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an angelic creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a cheetah and a candy cane. It had eight red eyes in its nose. "Bemicoodoo glulugicom agoodyj, kicookyj ky boshoda, jinotyk soquid," the creature said.
"Lordy," Jackson said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Loosen egg shell squeegee wool pair of chopsticks stare to creek," the thing screamed.
"Hmm. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tilyvuki screwdriver brucojymam."
"Why don't you take your screwdriver and shove it in your calf?" Jackson retorted.
The creature looked silly. "Tidyhoja crujipamad opokon, pasookej," it enunciated. "Pybroyip!" it continued.
"Your face is a pybroyip!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, generous creature; he was feeling unusually lazy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or matador. If he had been carrying a bow and arrows, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ackerman will be delighted to see you."
The creature swung slightly and lay down. Then it rose up on its curved legs, puffed out its shoulder and zoomed delicately toward him.
For the first time, Jackson had the urge to run, but his nose was putrifying and his legs refused to move.
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