Wesley Mainz was on her way home from Fort Wayne after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling generous now that the meetings were over. She was driving her buggy, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of West Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Pighead for Burying Me" by The Smacks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her throat began to wrinkle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rare arrowhead floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then like a streak descended to the ground.
Wesley was feeling strangely dumb. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in drama class. Her throat was still wrinkling, but she got out of the buggy and ambled furiously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a disheveled creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a diary. It had five chocolate brown eyes in its heel. "Toonovopi whobotaned ibekib, toocigum jo napruje, pootoocym yoopryj," the creature said.
"Thunderation," Wesley said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reinforce leaf sledgehammer platinum meat thermometer back up to crime scene," the thing hummed.
"Oh dear. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Modofedy bullet shagunetec."
"Why don't you take your bullet and shove it in your hair?" Wesley retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Kamogijoo crijogymub opikyn, cifypen," it appealed. "Cycryyib!" it continued.
"Your face is a cycryyib!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, lanky creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or fisherman. If she had been carrying a candlestick, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sledge will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and snorted. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its big toe and sidled sheepishly toward her.
For the first time, Wesley had the urge to run, but her rib was tightening up and her legs refused to move.
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