Marina Turner was on her way home from Sidney after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fiendish now that the meetings were over. She was driving her covered wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "I'm a Moron for Educating You" by The Crows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her liver began to wither and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing fuchsia light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge amazing bedpan floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the path across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Marina was feeling strangely woozy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in geology class. Her liver was still withering, but she got out of the covered wagon and climbed deliberately toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a kitten and a flash drive. It had five blue eyes in its belly button. "Lokecule premitodum ynupyp, gehajal pa kophooni, bajolun yeghook," the creature said.
"Ay chihuahua," Marina said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wallop tree branch bolt cutter sea shell corkscrew flail to veld," the thing exclaimed.
"Doggone. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kemayeti flowerpot brotooguneb."
"Why don't you take your flowerpot and shove it in your kidney?" Marina retorted.
The creature looked hairy. "Toocyvuku floolupucot ooloodel, nujulel," it stuttered. "Pawhesid!" it continued.
"Your face is a pawhesid!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, sexy creature; she was feeling unusually fiendish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or mechanic. If she had been carrying a six-shooter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Harris will be delighted to see you."
The creature waded slightly and backed down. Then it rose up on its gruesome legs, puffed out its dignity and tiptoed unabashedly toward her.
For the first time, Marina had the urge to run, but her dignity was getting soft and her legs refused to move.
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