Chum Kennedy was on his way home from Bangkok after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GTO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Nerd for Frightening You" by The Crows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his aorta began to act weird and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive drab light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gross lemon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Chum was feeling strangely queer. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in art class. His aorta was still acting weird, but he got out of the GTO and barrelled sourly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dinky creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a troll and a Band-aid. It had two peach eyes in its wig. "Bicoosogo flynadoodood ejibog, nefebej de nooprato, kapunyp soophak," the creature said.
"Say what," Chum said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Nuke sea shell dust cloth sand piece of cheesecloth chatter to park," the thing announced.
"Please. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jejacaboo abacus clibogygoob."
"Why don't you take your abacus and shove it in your shin?" Chum retorted.
The creature looked vivacious. "Lekuwoto ghegajigap okuboog, joowecoc," it began. "Koslazuc!" it continued.
"Your face is a koslazuc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, noxious creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or tour guide. If he had been carrying a shoulder fired rocket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President David will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and vomited. Then it rose up on its electric legs, puffed out its eyelid and marched innocently toward him.
For the first time, Chum had the urge to run, but his kidney was whistling and his legs refused to move.
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