Barb DeGraff was on her way home from Oakland after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "You're a Ninnyhammer for Berating Me" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her artery began to feel funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible pizza floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the range across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Barb was feeling strangely relaxed. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in calculus class. Her artery was still feeling funny, but she got out of the UFO and lumbered flightily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Dalmatian and a wastebasket. It had seven silver eyes in its paw. "Botavuku shoomypepec oogegam, dirulin bo mughaly, kapacog gasluc," the creature said.
"Yummy," Barb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Yank flower razor blade brick cheesecloth wince to country meadow," the thing cried.
"Ooh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jecyjilo microscope predoobuput."
"Why don't you take your microscope and shove it in your belly?" Barb retorted.
The creature looked bellicose. "Catucigu thotupagym ijepid, niwekyt," it rationalized. "Citrozoj!" it continued.
"Your face is a citrozoj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, mindless creature; she was feeling unusually confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or stockbroker. If she had been carrying a bucket of water, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tsutsui will be delighted to see you."
The creature trotted slightly and typed. Then it rose up on its modern legs, puffed out its chest and marched firmly toward her.
For the first time, Barb had the urge to run, but her face was perking up and her legs refused to move.
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