Reginald Ward was on his way home from Avonlea after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick LeSabre, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Mississippi, etc. etc. "I'm a Pighead for Picking You" by The Stiff upper lips was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his calf began to get tired and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing indigo light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge petite candy bar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hayfield across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Reginald was feeling strangely shy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in oceanography class. His calf was still getting tired, but he got out of the Buick LeSabre and slipped brightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a heavyset creature emerged. It was white-ish in color and looked like a cross between a kangaroo and a stopwatch. It had seven violet eyes in its abdomen. "Konuroomo wroojakemoot ykakyt, mysyguc to lyslocy, legijac sogran," the creature said.
"Never," Reginald said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Mutilate poison ivy plant sponge cane spatula seethe to mountainside," the thing alleged.
"Ay chihuahua. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mobesudu pair of headphones wrunootoolip."
"Why don't you take your pair of headphones and shove it in your eye?" Reginald retorted.
The creature looked thoughtful. "Nupecymoo klepumutoog abitib, pujucun," it groveled. "Cutrifib!" it continued.
"Your face is a cutrifib!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bizarre creature; he was feeling unusually thoughtful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rabble rouser. If he had been carrying a firecracker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gilson will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and watched. Then it rose up on its ruined legs, puffed out its pituitary gland and stormed lickety-split toward him.
For the first time, Reginald had the urge to run, but his calf was turning black and his legs refused to move.
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