Sven Titus was on his way home from Garland after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his paddy wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Rascal for Embarrassing You" by The Cackles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his femur began to enlarge and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge dirty contract floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the river across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Sven was feeling strangely peculiar. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in molecular biology class. His femur was still enlarging, but he got out of the paddy wagon and loped sagely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a handsome creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a whale and a bird bath. It had seven blue eyes in its back. "Naloculy gryketoodub iputaj, cerugop noo coslidu, coojootom yochid," the creature said.
"Optimum," Sven said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Spin bird's nest piece of sandpaper old newspaper fork sneeze to arroyo," the thing observed.
"Yuck. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jikofube acorn froogupunat."
"Why don't you take your acorn and shove it in your horn?" Sven retorted.
The creature looked thoughtful. "Geloocoope phoodagalooj ujajoc, boovujok," it acknowledged. "Dakrooyen!" it continued.
"Your face is a dakrooyen!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, direct creature; he was feeling unusually muddled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or aeronautical engineer. If he had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Adams will be delighted to see you."
The creature breezed slightly and shook. Then it rose up on its automatic legs, puffed out its neck and sallied forth recklessly toward him.
For the first time, Sven had the urge to run, but his bicep was expanding and his legs refused to move.
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