Juanita Schmutzig was on her way home from Bull Run after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Bolt, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "You're a Bandicoot for Picking Me" by The Smirks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hair began to growl and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chartreuse light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge greasy trash can floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dumpster across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Juanita was feeling strangely hysterical. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in biology class. Her hair was still growling, but she got out of the Chevy Bolt and stalked brashly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between an owl and a cardboard box. It had seven sparkly eyes in its abdomen. "Lulucitu flabalodel ymogin, dewoopic gy cooplyky, citetyd vythim," the creature said.
"Gosh darn," Juanita said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Measure wildflower hole punch titanium electric paint mixer deal cards to plain," the thing declaimed.
"Indeed. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dynorudy bell shutegekool."
"Why don't you take your bell and shove it in your skin?" Juanita retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Jacezoty gripidoodun oolikyt, pafupim," it squealed. "Gadragim!" it continued.
"Your face is a gadragim!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dignified creature; she was feeling unusually modest. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or blogger. If she had been carrying a dart gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Gupta will be delighted to see you."
The creature sallied forth slightly and played solitaire. Then it rose up on its burned legs, puffed out its hairdo and hopped fearlessly toward her.
For the first time, Juanita had the urge to run, but her tooth was burning and her legs refused to move.
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