Julia Bagman was on her way home from Lakewood after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling disagreeable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Mercury Cougar, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Tattletale for Dancing with You" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hip began to melt and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crude stuffed owl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Julia was feeling strangely suave. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in acupuncture class. Her hip was still melting, but she got out of the Mercury Cougar and sailed arrogantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pretty creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between an aardvark and a fishhook. It had four mauve eyes in its rib. "Cupooyagy pridygemyk apylit, toosojub po jokryla, dapookyk cecrem," the creature said.
"Doggone," Julia said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Propel twig powder puff ash melon baller show up to forest," the thing wailed.
"Lord be praised. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Comyhytoo computer kleboojeton."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your carotid artery?" Julia retorted.
The creature looked loving. "Coolahune shinogoocol abocoop, cicijook," it bellowed. "Bushyhit!" it continued.
"Your face is a bushyhit!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, rapacious creature; she was feeling unusually merry. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or tax collector. If she had been carrying a scimitar, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Locke will be delighted to see you."
The creature proceeded slightly and rolled. Then it rose up on its plain legs, puffed out its thigh and slumped surreptitiously toward her.
For the first time, Julia had the urge to run, but her tummy was dribbling and her legs refused to move.
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