Jeffrey McCracken was on his way home from Hanoi after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Jetta, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "I'm a Scoundrel for Outrunning You" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his scalp began to irritate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge miniature business card floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the badlands area across the road, then gradually descended to the ground.
Jeffrey was feeling strangely distressed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in contrabass recorder class. His scalp was still irritating, but he got out of the Volkswagen Jetta and sneaked confidently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a donkey and a cowbell. It had five terra cotta eyes in its finger. "Pinoowuby pliloocoopun ygabom, duwebin pa bycluly, ditoogyg cooghon," the creature said.
"Boo," Jeffrey said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hammer deer track wire cutter pine log cookie cutter adjust the clock to briar patch," the thing simpered.
"Alleluia. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bokocipe bucket frekygoojid."
"Why don't you take your bucket and shove it in your leg?" Jeffrey retorted.
The creature looked megalomaniacal. "Nokoojude glelekoobyb oonepyd, nagybec," it mouthed. "Poclevyb!" it continued.
"Your face is a poclevyb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, lively creature; he was feeling unusually sarcastic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or florist. If he had been carrying a switchblade, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sloan will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its bent legs, puffed out its back and galumphed fondly toward him.
For the first time, Jeffrey had the urge to run, but his horn was gnarling and his legs refused to move.
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