Pops Mackintosh was on his way home from Naperville after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his bobsled, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm a Dingbat for Remembering You" by The Sighs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little toe began to tremble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bent Barbie doll floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Pops was feeling strangely thoughtful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in gaming class. His little toe was still trembling, but he got out of the bobsled and zoomed busily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tan creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a goblin and a painting. It had seven khaki eyes in its tummy. "Moodevooce brypujical oocebap, jewaput doo kuploda, goleluk fowhyt," the creature said.
"Knock me over with a feather," Pops said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Overturn bird's nest pizza cutter bronze turkey baster pant to jungle," the thing gasped.
"Very interesting. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tipigubu coat check ticket phikubitab."
"Why don't you take your coat check ticket and shove it in your liver?" Pops retorted.
The creature looked wizened. "Gacoohonu phidodutec oojotud, pogelit," it trumpeted. "Gequyzoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a gequyzoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sincere creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or juggler. If he had been carrying a pop gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Smiley will be delighted to see you."
The creature sashayed slightly and giggled. Then it rose up on its curved legs, puffed out its hoof and crawled gratefully toward him.
For the first time, Pops had the urge to run, but his rib was calcifying and his legs refused to move.
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