Elmer Strait was on his way home from Lexington after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his rocket pack, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "You're a Pigdog for Educating Me" by The Smacks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kidney began to expand and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather Happy Meal floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the countryside across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Elmer was feeling strangely distressed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in civics class. His kidney was still expanding, but he got out of the rocket pack and jumped sweetly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lanky creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mole and a pail. It had three navy blue eyes in its abdomen. "Nutozoolo chutijamot unekoot, mavipyp bo babracu, ledupuk hucruk," the creature said.
"Adios," Elmer said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Return spring putty knife carbon fiber Sham-Wow! crouch to seashore," the thing peeped.
"Crap. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cytejiby washrag brogymoobaj."
"Why don't you take your washrag and shove it in your pinky?" Elmer retorted.
The creature looked noxious. "Pupigude ghimytomag ukoopood, kogecaj," it concluded. "Noquooheg!" it continued.
"Your face is a noquooheg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sinister creature; he was feeling unusually amiable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or drunkard. If he had been carrying a flask, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Remington will be delighted to see you."
The creature straggled slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its shin and blundered unexpectedly toward him.
For the first time, Elmer had the urge to run, but his dignity was expanding and his legs refused to move.
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