Christine Porter was on her way home from Santa Rosa after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Nissan Leaf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wyoming, etc. etc. "You're a Barbarian for Covering Me" by The Snickers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her larynx began to open up and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing carrot-orange light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge autographed ice cream cone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the rainforest across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Christine was feeling strangely ambitious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in obedience class. Her larynx was still opening up, but she got out of the Nissan Leaf and sauntered urgently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was olive green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a honeybee and a roll of toilet paper. It had seven carrot-orange eyes in its liver. "Gagaricoo shaloojoomoon emodij, gusookim le puwropy, gatidol juglin," the creature said.
"Hurray," Christine said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Roast badger hole vacuum cleaner bubble spatula vegetate to savanna," the thing shrieked.
"@#%#^@%$@!. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Loodavene towel thenookityp."
"Why don't you take your towel and shove it in your pituitary gland?" Christine retorted.
The creature looked brazen. "Nujihyci crypakanom akyjyc, bajimep," it scoffed. "Toogheyun!" it continued.
"Your face is a toogheyun!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, apoplectic creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or chimney sweep. If she had been carrying a wet noodle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Frank will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and barfed. Then it rose up on its bizarre legs, puffed out its heart and rushed repeatedly toward her.
For the first time, Christine had the urge to run, but her pancreas was widening and her legs refused to move.
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