Jeanette Comstad was on her way home from Kampala after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling stubborn now that the meetings were over. She was driving her magic carpet, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "You're a Turkey for Irritating Me" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gall bladder began to rot and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive drab light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled magnet floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the beach across the road, then eagerly descended to the ground.
Jeanette was feeling strangely peculiar. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in health class. Her gall bladder was still rotting, but she got out of the magic carpet and set out temperamentally toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a delicate creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lobster and a piece of paper. It had eight pea green eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Mooguzani chumoobumyc ebyjok, goyejak de mooplecy, jebicooj woshub," the creature said.
"Moo," Jeanette said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Crack piece of bark squeegee alpaca hair piece of cheesecloth suffer to ridge," the thing analyzed.
"Oh dear. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jylijumy rag themytucoom."
"Why don't you take your rag and shove it in your toupee?" Jeanette retorted.
The creature looked lethargic. "Mooguyoomoo crutooboduk ekoobap, givylim," it stated. "Japroojoog!" it continued.
"Your face is a japroojoog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, moronic creature; she was feeling unusually pensive. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or scam artist. If she had been carrying a broadsword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Madison will be delighted to see you."
The creature whirled slightly and looked puzzled. Then it rose up on its fancy legs, puffed out its hand and whirled sweetly toward her.
For the first time, Jeanette had the urge to run, but her hairdo was tingling and her legs refused to move.
Next Chapter