James Provenzano was on his way home from Garden Grove after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his MG Midget, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're a Beast for Jumping on Me" by The Puckers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his beard began to feel numb and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing aqua light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather computer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
James was feeling strangely relaxed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in photography class. His beard was still feeling numb, but he got out of the MG Midget and slithered resignedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a haggard creature emerged. It was grey-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ass and a can of sardines. It had eight red eyes in its kidney. "Dookoofyjy phogootonac ukocuc, dyjootym doo jywroju, culabag wiflel," the creature said.
"Bless your heart," James said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shoot spider web broadaxe limestone potato masher knit to savanna," the thing stammered.
"Lord be praised. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lydesuko arrowhead clookypynoc."
"Why don't you take your arrowhead and shove it in your tummy?" James retorted.
The creature looked decisive. "Toloofage wrebenatyp ylinob, desajag," it wept. "Kethycoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a kethycoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bad creature; he was feeling unusually cruel. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rodeo cowboy. If he had been carrying a lead pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wolf will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and stood by. Then it rose up on its grubby legs, puffed out its appendix and sauntered glumly toward him.
For the first time, James had the urge to run, but his shoulder was turning green and his legs refused to move.
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