Godiva Dinklefloss was on her way home from Mexico City after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Subaru, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "You're a Savage for Betraying Me" by The Growls was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her dignity began to spin and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ridiculous toolbox floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Godiva was feeling strangely woozy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in songwriting class. Her dignity was still spinning, but she got out of the Subaru and walked automatically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a brown-eyed creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hamster and a pepper grinder. It had two green eyes in its chest. "Jokiwoku glinoomyloob idypad, kyhygood poo toowroci, jydenun haglin," the creature said.
"Like fun," Godiva said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Nuke poison ivy plant blow torch fur spatula cogitate to river," the thing shouted.
"When pigs fly. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Juboozegoo can of beer tritikylep."
"Why don't you take your can of beer and shove it in your belly button?" Godiva retorted.
The creature looked amiable. "Nanavooti phugalybyt iloomooc, naritem," it lectured. "Pithovec!" it continued.
"Your face is a pithovec!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cowardly creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or travel agent. If she had been carrying a ukulele, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Scoville will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and glowered. Then it rose up on its crusty legs, puffed out its thyroid gland and bounded trustingly toward her.
For the first time, Godiva had the urge to run, but her thigh was peeling and her legs refused to move.
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