Jessi Roeber was on her way home from Scottsdale after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Caprice, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "I'm a Reptile for Misleading You" by The Hugs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her paw began to feel funny and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge broken pair of binoculars floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
Jessi was feeling strangely nervous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in grassland management class. Her paw was still feeling funny, but she got out of the Chevy Caprice and ambled diligently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spindly creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ass and a picture. It had six azure eyes in its hair. "Jynysibe slutelooguj ololum, cysukak cu gafrupe, moloomit zaphyp," the creature said.
"Arrrgh," Jessi said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Leave dead tree file glass bead electric paint mixer expectorate to steppe," the thing bawled.
"Golly. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nopoojini towel frakymomil."
"Why don't you take your towel and shove it in your pituitary gland?" Jessi retorted.
The creature looked sketchy. "Molorekoo phopoomutoc ootigub, nocinoom," it mouthed. "Juplayec!" it continued.
"Your face is a juplayec!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, comely creature; she was feeling unusually dapper. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or telemarketer. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Potatohead will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and giggled. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its earlobe and made a beeline warily toward her.
For the first time, Jessi had the urge to run, but her tongue was flipping out and her legs refused to move.
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