Samina Bell was on her way home from Bozeman after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Lexus, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "You're a Scurvy bilge rat for Operating on Me" by The Beams was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her cheek began to exfoliate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing camouflage light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge disgusting dog biscuit floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cliff across the road, then ponderously descended to the ground.
Samina was feeling strangely queer. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in geography class. Her cheek was still exfoliating, but she got out of the Lexus and skipped blindly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sleek creature emerged. It was maroon-ish in color and looked like a cross between an anaconda and a pigeon. It had eight striped eyes in its intestine. "Mepahijoo fromomoodab etidot, bahokod cy piwrenu, dydycyd yapluk," the creature said.
"Lo and behold," Samina said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ignore piece of driftwood heat gun seaweed pair of tongs dither to grassy knoll," the thing stammered.
"Bravo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tookyrale elephant tusk drytocidam."
"Why don't you take your elephant tusk and shove it in your eyebrow?" Samina retorted.
The creature looked attractive. "Kibyyymi wroocoogypij alamud, noosedym," it repeated. "Kubryroog!" it continued.
"Your face is a kubryroog!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, hysterical creature; she was feeling unusually lethargic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or crane operator. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pavlov will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and panted. Then it rose up on its odd legs, puffed out its midriff and tumbled carefully toward her.
For the first time, Samina had the urge to run, but her lip was shaking and her legs refused to move.
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