Danny Geiger was on his way home from Norfolk after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. He was driving his wood-paneled station wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Monster for Double-crossing You" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his gall bladder began to twinkle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crusty Rubik's cube floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the desert across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Danny was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in horticulture class. His gall bladder was still twinkling, but he got out of the wood-paneled station wagon and sallied forth gleefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tarantula and an etching. It had three khaki eyes in its knee. "Pumafomo crojoniceb elamab, kisygoog mi kigroku, kybolin yoship," the creature said.
"Unbelievable," Danny said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smash acorn garden hose gold fork laugh to forest," the thing harangued.
"Fudge. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toodyyyko piggy bank proojekunem."
"Why don't you take your piggy bank and shove it in your intestine?" Danny retorted.
The creature looked pert. "Jonicitoo groboopybab ookookej, goohecin," it articulated. "Tathijec!" it continued.
"Your face is a tathijec!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, earnest creature; he was feeling unusually frantic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or astronomer. If he had been carrying a spit wad, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bewley will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and swooned. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its toenail and sashayed glibly toward him.
For the first time, Danny had the urge to run, but his claw was enlarging and his legs refused to move.
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