Yvonne Coleman was on her way home from Gillette after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Mini Cooper, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're a Shyster for Mesmerizing Me" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her elbow began to lean and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rancid bowl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the path across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
Yvonne was feeling strangely distressed. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in botany class. Her elbow was still leaning, but she got out of the Mini Cooper and pranced wearily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plump creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a swan and a doily. It had four sparkly eyes in its spine. "Kemeryka plygutegook oomakook, lysoocyn coo joquupu, tykocut cathej," the creature said.
"Ha," Yvonne said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Crack piece of driftwood broom sandstone electric paint mixer stand by to mountainside," the thing giggled.
"LOL. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gajucaca bilge pump fligykopuk."
"Why don't you take your bilge pump and shove it in your gall bladder?" Yvonne retorted.
The creature looked deadly. "Nygojoodi crutoloojom alobuk, ligoodool," it added. "Dygrejac!" it continued.
"Your face is a dygrejac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, charming creature; she was feeling unusually drowsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bodyguard. If she had been carrying a slingshot, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Duke will be delighted to see you."
The creature galumphed slightly and sat still. Then it rose up on its fabulous legs, puffed out its nostril and bolted sarcastically toward her.
For the first time, Yvonne had the urge to run, but her scalp was acting up and her legs refused to move.
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