Clarabell McCarthy was on her way home from Salt Lake City after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling forgetful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Mazda 6, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Scamp for Spanking You" by The Caresses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her tongue began to cool down and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing grey light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hand-painted mop floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then quickly descended to the ground.
Clarabell was feeling strangely fiendish. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in carpentry class. Her tongue was still cooling down, but she got out of the Mazda 6 and crept elatedly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pale creature emerged. It was aquamarine-ish in color and looked like a cross between a swan and a can of beans. It had two lime-green eyes in its tongue. "Poodazike trykilitoot omocyc, necukil ti dycluno, dogicap yowrim," the creature said.
"Marvelous," Clarabell said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wallop rock vacuum cleaner porcelain pair of chopsticks mumble to hayfield," the thing grieved.
"Whoop-dee-doo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jonuwoojoo peanut tranijidool."
"Why don't you take your peanut and shove it in your lung?" Clarabell retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Tyniyoji projookydag uconyl, moozujip," it reminded. "Baslywoj!" it continued.
"Your face is a baslywoj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, insane creature; she was feeling unusually queer. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or pathologist. If she had been carrying a bad breath, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sitzman will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and laughed. Then it rose up on its hand-made legs, puffed out its gall bladder and waded testily toward her.
For the first time, Clarabell had the urge to run, but her pinky was bleeding and her legs refused to move.
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