Chelsea Messina was on her way home from Santa Rosa after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. She was driving her hot dog cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "You're a Crazy person for Agreeing with Me" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her heel began to jiggle and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge electric pencil sharpener floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Chelsea was feeling strangely sober. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in agriculture class. Her heel was still jiggling, but she got out of the hot dog cart and ran jokingly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a plump creature emerged. It was terra cotta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a turkey and a mousetrap. It had two lime-green eyes in its thyroid gland. "Nugefeki prygadugan atoocal, pavoogol ly dyprooli, tapygok vyquyp," the creature said.
"Whew," Chelsea said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Reconsider stick soldering iron corncob blender fall asleep to canyon," the thing contended.
"No no no. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Noloogapa pair of dice trolocugaj."
"Why don't you take your pair of dice and shove it in your lung?" Chelsea retorted.
The creature looked moody. "Kebygiby grilopugec epacon, pufelub," it noted. "Gokrozac!" it continued.
"Your face is a gokrozac!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wicked creature; she was feeling unusually frantic. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or lobbyist. If she had been carrying a blow gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ross will be delighted to see you."
The creature bounded slightly and begged. Then it rose up on its queer legs, puffed out its vein and waded lazily toward her.
For the first time, Chelsea had the urge to run, but her toupee was dancing and her legs refused to move.
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