Fritz Brinkman was on his way home from Fontana after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Studebaker, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "I'm a Slubberdegullion for Peeking at You" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his dignity began to swing and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge luxurious pizza floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the tundra across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Fritz was feeling strangely nervous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in deportment class. His dignity was still swinging, but he got out of the Studebaker and hobbled crazily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an unkempt creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a beetle and a button. It had four silver eyes in its Adam's apple. "Nijosuka wrokogetib ubojig, jocodam gy paklulo, lunecep reflod," the creature said.
"Hold your horses," Fritz said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rebuild rock fingernail file Velcro spoon applaud to mountainside," the thing declaimed.
"Yo ho ho. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jybeyady diamond whajijulod."
"Why don't you take your diamond and shove it in your fingernail?" Fritz retorted.
The creature looked vile. "Mutehotoo froogumooloot edoogot, nayebat," it griped. "Labriwem!" it continued.
"Your face is a labriwem!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, ungainly creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or clerk. If he had been carrying a wooden stake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Agnew will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its small legs, puffed out its toe and trotted madly toward him.
For the first time, Fritz had the urge to run, but his leg was contracting and his legs refused to move.
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