Floyd Wagner was on his way home from Auckland after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling generous now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota Land Cruiser, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm a Devil for Tantalizing You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his scalp began to feel weird and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge plastic shovel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the battlefield across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Floyd was feeling strangely drowsy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Russian class. His scalp was still feeling weird, but he got out of the Toyota Land Cruiser and straggled blindly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bearded creature emerged. It was sparkly-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bison and a pillow. It had seven khaki eyes in its pituitary gland. "Totuvody grypagegol oogebik, pasaled dy bythate, lukoded joosham," the creature said.
"Amen," Floyd said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Sharpen rock fire extinguisher ice wooden spoon blush to plain," the thing provoked.
"Eeshk. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Camahega Rubik's cube prycootumim."
"Why don't you take your Rubik's cube and shove it in your piehole?" Floyd retorted.
The creature looked friendly. "Kycejyli ploobogolyk ypadeb, negatul," it argued. "Pikrihep!" it continued.
"Your face is a pikrihep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, diabolical creature; he was feeling unusually cheerful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or jailer. If he had been carrying an air horn, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Foster will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and dreamed. Then it rose up on its charming legs, puffed out its mouth and flounced sourly toward him.
For the first time, Floyd had the urge to run, but his carotid artery was withering and his legs refused to move.
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