Lorenzo James was on his way home from Belgrade after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevy Suburban, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "You're a cell phone for Trying to control Me" by The Shrugs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his finger began to whistle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing white light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ruined cigarette floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the path across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Lorenzo was feeling strangely furious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in physical education class. His finger was still whistling, but he got out of the Chevy Suburban and strolled crazily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a fit creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gnu and a toothbrush. It had four khaki eyes in its little finger. "Noolahuko prypakajyc oomepug, pafoopook jo tophino, tocidug fatrap," the creature said.
"Like, totally," Lorenzo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pummel pine cone laser beam Velcro spoon laugh to cave," the thing yelped.
"Caramba. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jibizatoo spoon ghecoobitoj."
"Why don't you take your spoon and shove it in your belly?" Lorenzo retorted.
The creature looked calm. "Kycewunu slootitobol ebynool, mehulyk," it informed. "Dachezon!" it continued.
"Your face is a dachezon!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, earnest creature; he was feeling unusually awkward. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or security guard. If he had been carrying a snowball, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Murphy will be delighted to see you."
The creature sneaked slightly and dealt cards. Then it rose up on its dusty legs, puffed out its cheek and leapt menacingly toward him.
For the first time, Lorenzo had the urge to run, but his lip was quivering and his legs refused to move.
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