Jared Carroll was on his way home from Halifax after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Bugbrain for Pleasing You" by The Hoots was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to roast and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fancy notepad floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the village across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Jared was feeling strangely excitable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in business class. His tummy was still roasting, but he got out of the Ford Flex and swung strangely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cadaverous creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between a prairie dog and a dictionary. It had three sea green eyes in its larynx. "Cicofooto flojigymoot onamat, dahegooj poo lubrujoo, bycopim wychom," the creature said.
"Dang it," Jared said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stain stick caulking gun garbage wooden spoon back up to badlands area," the thing griped.
"Yahoo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cunasoco banana gritekabyd."
"Why don't you take your banana and shove it in your beard?" Jared retorted.
The creature looked dignified. "Nejirooly ghotoobagod oolepit, davicyc," it observed. "Juwrahik!" it continued.
"Your face is a juwrahik!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, clever creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or costume designer. If he had been carrying an air rifle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Comstad will be delighted to see you."
The creature stalked slightly and doodled. Then it rose up on its cheap legs, puffed out its pride and struggled sorrowfully toward him.
For the first time, Jared had the urge to run, but his appendix was breaking and his legs refused to move.
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