Helmut Snitley was on his way home from Grand Rapids after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Plymouth, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Utah, etc. etc. "I'm a Peabrain for Chasing You" by The Grins was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ear began to gleam and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ragged bucket floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the glen across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Helmut was feeling strangely ambitious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in neurobiology class. His ear was still gleaming, but he got out of the Plymouth and padded gratefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an elegant creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mustang and an iPhone. It had six aqua eyes in its femur. "Nipoovoone ghypakepej upenoom, toyulek de cutruna, manydig jeplyj," the creature said.
"Roger," Helmut said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stitch tree roll of duct tape banana leaves potato peeler suffer to wasteland," the thing stuttered.
"Hot dog. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coopacimoo Kindle flujydedep."
"Why don't you take your Kindle and shove it in your earlobe?" Helmut retorted.
The creature looked monstrous. "Tutysebu glutoojodeg egoojak, dagyjej," it sputtered. "Mocheyyj!" it continued.
"Your face is a mocheyyj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, awkward creature; he was feeling unusually fearless. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or oboist. If he had been carrying a spit wad, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pearson will be delighted to see you."
The creature trekked slightly and cried. Then it rose up on its filthy legs, puffed out its larynx and zipped queerly toward him.
For the first time, Helmut had the urge to run, but his tooth was throbbing and his legs refused to move.
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