Elaine Falcone was on her way home from Salem after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Lamborghini, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "You're a Chump for Blocking Me" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her thigh began to relax and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ornate umbrella floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the butte across the road, then hurriedly descended to the ground.
Elaine was feeling strangely generous. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in deportment class. Her thigh was still relaxing, but she got out of the Lamborghini and sallied forth woodenly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Chihuahua and a garbage can. It had three amber eyes in its carotid artery. "Gylehugu bromepoobooj egenut, divutac nu meslaty, copoodool giwrog," the creature said.
"Yummy," Elaine said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ignore seed pod nail clipper glass brick blender freak out to peninsula," the thing hummed.
"Oh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coojorooly computer brajucoonaj."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your artery?" Elaine retorted.
The creature looked cheerful. "Pitahota shelyketab imykyd, duwitek," it roared. "Cidrewuc!" it continued.
"Your face is a cidrewuc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, brassy creature; she was feeling unusually crafty. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or wine merchant. If she had been carrying a BB gun, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Glockman will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and cogitated. Then it rose up on its shiny legs, puffed out its foot and bolted sarcastically toward her.
For the first time, Elaine had the urge to run, but her tail was itching and her legs refused to move.
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