Reynaldo Hopkins was on his way home from Cologne after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his station wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Dingbat for Greeting You" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyeball began to twirl and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rusty candle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the countryside across the road, then passively descended to the ground.
Reynaldo was feeling strangely fiendish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Latin class. His eyeball was still twirling, but he got out of the station wagon and struggled suavely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lanky creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a peacock and a Big Gulp. It had seven scarlet eyes in its midriff. "Coopagoogu tryjugaloon oojonot, kovikik bu defruju, bodamet sycrug," the creature said.
"Bingo," Reynaldo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Face raspberry bush buzz saw ceramic electric paint mixer swallow to mountainside," the thing wondered.
"I doubt it. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nubyroodo whoopee cushion fradabytel."
"Why don't you take your whoopee cushion and shove it in your calf?" Reynaldo retorted.
The creature looked bouncy. "Jokygomo ploonelymul imooboog, noovucin," it simpered. "Cuphihip!" it continued.
"Your face is a cuphihip!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, zany creature; he was feeling unusually somber. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or construction worker. If he had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Dodds will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and swore. Then it rose up on its papery legs, puffed out its tail and hobbled ingeniously toward him.
For the first time, Reynaldo had the urge to run, but his heart was going crazy and his legs refused to move.
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