Kelly Booth was on his way home from Warsaw after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Barracuda, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "I'm a Barbarian for Texting You" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toenail began to radiate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal telephone book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Kelly was feeling strangely disagreeable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in accounting class. His toenail was still radiating, but he got out of the Barracuda and flew kindly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a petite creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a beaver and a microscope. It had six crimson eyes in its aorta. "Nukawypy whibykooneb ylogib, moohoopik ca naghugi, jebulib coofrib," the creature said.
"Diddly poo," Kelly said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unlock fish razor blade Portland cement cookie cutter twitch to range," the thing commented.
"Spiff. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kukazata Happy Meal phicogodik."
"Why don't you take your Happy Meal and shove it in your pinky?" Kelly retorted.
The creature looked freakish. "Gipuzigu chupelagec emulep, nuvoobol," it warbled. "Tothaceb!" it continued.
"Your face is a tothaceb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sincere creature; he was feeling unusually fearful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or loan officer. If he had been carrying a paddle, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Maxwell will be delighted to see you."
The creature set out slightly and clapped. Then it rose up on its waxy legs, puffed out its ear and skidded nonchalantly toward him.
For the first time, Kelly had the urge to run, but his ear was popping and his legs refused to move.
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