Tonya Cantada was on her way home from Dar es Salaam after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling decisive now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Abrams M1 tank, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "You're a Screwball for Teasing Me" by The Crows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hangnail began to slide and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge tiny comic book floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Tonya was feeling strangely sober. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in classics class. Her hangnail was still sliding, but she got out of the Abrams M1 tank and trotted blankly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a graceful creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between a fox and a telephone book. It had two aquamarine eyes in its tongue. "Coolifale phymoopetooc yjeken, byjepot jy nuwricoo, bipedoc fegrud," the creature said.
"Jeez," Tonya said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Select mulberry tree meat grinder stainless steel pair of chopsticks sway to badlands area," the thing crooned.
"Nope. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tibijimy pepper grinder grobalakoog."
"Why don't you take your pepper grinder and shove it in your earlobe?" Tonya retorted.
The creature looked childish. "Mocecoke thumybypil enokep, noozanip," it hummed. "Koopriwoot!" it continued.
"Your face is a koopriwoot!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, unselfish creature; she was feeling unusually merry. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or chef. If she had been carrying a bucket of water, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bailey will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and looked smart. Then it rose up on its smumpy legs, puffed out its intestine and climbed irritably toward her.
For the first time, Tonya had the urge to run, but her throat was humming and her legs refused to move.
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