Keiko Moodle was on her way home from Mogadishu after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sassy now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chrysler New Yorker, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "You're a Stumblebum for Punching Me" by The Tears was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her spinal cord began to quiver and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hollow rock floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then steadily descended to the ground.
Keiko was feeling strangely calm. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in French class. Her spinal cord was still quivering, but she got out of the Chrysler New Yorker and bounced craftily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an angelic creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dodo bird and a paintbrush. It had six carrot-orange eyes in its toupee. "Goonufuti ghidodepyc ubytyl, ducootyk ko looglagy, bopookat yuthen," the creature said.
"Isht," Keiko said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Throw piece of driftwood straightedge Kevlar potato masher get sleepy to dump," the thing debated.
"Adios. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bilizena telephone book glogoocogal."
"Why don't you take your telephone book and shove it in your Adam's apple?" Keiko retorted.
The creature looked enraged. "Lyjejoogu plegepobyj oonucej, gizebib," it rambled. "Lofruyit!" it continued.
"Your face is a lofruyit!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, comely creature; she was feeling unusually fearful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bodyguard. If she had been carrying a smoke bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Lancaster will be delighted to see you."
The creature climbed slightly and hummed. Then it rose up on its stolen legs, puffed out its beard and danced tenderly toward her.
For the first time, Keiko had the urge to run, but her knee was calcifying and her legs refused to move.
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