Scott Satterlee was on his way home from Austin after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mercedes, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "I'm a Hog for Ostracizing You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his toupee began to jerk and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crude napkin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seashore across the road, then chop-chop descended to the ground.
Scott was feeling strangely peculiar. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His toupee was still jerking, but he got out of the Mercedes and barrelled gracefully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sloth and a cookbook. It had seven yellow eyes in its gut. "Gatoocico slitomadek udukep, cewybeg ko tefrape, pokoonyn zooslyl," the creature said.
"Nope," Scott said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Condemn mushroom sledgehammer satin slotted spoon catch up to hillside," the thing bawled.
"Goodness. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Binyginoo box of candy prekutoonid."
"Why don't you take your box of candy and shove it in your thyroid gland?" Scott retorted.
The creature looked diabolical. "Gebajoopu clupygacook yjoluj, myjuget," it questioned. "Cogloojep!" it continued.
"Your face is a cogloojep!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, dumb creature; he was feeling unusually merry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or engineer. If he had been carrying a boomerang, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Mann will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and raised an eyebrow. Then it rose up on its cheap legs, puffed out its Achilles tendon and galumphed fiercely toward him.
For the first time, Scott had the urge to run, but his tongue was rattling and his legs refused to move.
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