Hildegarde Sagan was on her way home from Atlanta after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Honda Element, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm an Airhead for Stopping You" by The Guffaws was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her little finger began to crack and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sparkly light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled fingernail clipper floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Hildegarde was feeling strangely modest. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in accounting class. Her little finger was still cracking, but she got out of the Honda Element and clambered obediently toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a thin creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between an android and a balloon. It had eight lime-green eyes in its brain. "Koomujotu critoonoton udagoog, nyjytyc te duwhyde, gutokyl siphod," the creature said.
"Ay yi yi," Hildegarde said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rebuild fern pair of safety glasses sugar potato peeler party to badlands area," the thing peeped.
"Holy minerva. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nydozume cowbell klicybulyl."
"Why don't you take your cowbell and shove it in your heart?" Hildegarde retorted.
The creature looked intrepid. "Gunoovydo kroonimiboob amicit, moryted," it interpreted. "Taghofoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a taghofoop!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, impish creature; she was feeling unusually woozy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or gravedigger. If she had been carrying a bayonette, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Woods will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and showed up. Then it rose up on its speckled legs, puffed out its eyelid and slumped joyously toward her.
For the first time, Hildegarde had the urge to run, but her liver was writhing and her legs refused to move.
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