Nickolas Whitney was on his way home from Dayton after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota Prius, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "I'm a Dunce for Biting You" by The Snuffles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his buttocks began to grow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smelly cardboard box floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
Nickolas was feeling strangely decisive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in astronomy class. His buttocks was still growing, but he got out of the Toyota Prius and swung glumly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blue-eyed creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a notepad. It had seven black eyes in its eyebrow. "Gokawogu whymookoonen ominup, karedoon ku coowrycu, nybagib rusled," the creature said.
"Gosh darn," Nickolas said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Dust seed pod laser beam wool meat thermometer collapse to veld," the thing divulged.
"Really. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Menuhumu cotton ball dretuboogap."
"Why don't you take your cotton ball and shove it in your spine?" Nickolas retorted.
The creature looked charming. "Bonojeko chypelimib acoocec, kuwupooj," it orated. "Lechoowel!" it continued.
"Your face is a lechoowel!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, vile creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rock musician. If he had been carrying a bazooka, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Oliver will be delighted to see you."
The creature walked slightly and gazed. Then it rose up on its queer legs, puffed out its abdomen and flew furiously toward him.
For the first time, Nickolas had the urge to run, but his fingernail was closing down and his legs refused to move.
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