Biff Agnew was on his way home from Lexington after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. He was driving his hovercraft, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're a Stumblebum for Arresting Me" by The Sneers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyeball began to grow pale and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cotton shovel floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the moonscape across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Biff was feeling strangely cautious. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Zambian studies class. His eyeball was still growing pale, but he got out of the hovercraft and padded brightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a macaque and a magnifying glass. It had two metallic red eyes in its jaw. "Mabyvyka plebipipap omocym, gajilyp di kakroobe, kegilyl vawhook," the creature said.
"Roger," Biff said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Mark stick sickle plasma meat tenderizer wobble to beach," the thing breathed.
"Thanks for nothing. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lijoovido teddy bear slokydetab."
"Why don't you take your teddy bear and shove it in your larynx?" Biff retorted.
The creature looked demented. "Kokafodu flidimogyp ekepec, joofoopoog," it emphasized. "Mewracot!" it continued.
"Your face is a mewracot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, sweet creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or yoga instructor. If he had been carrying a magic spell, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Frankowitz will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and adjusted. Then it rose up on its fluffy legs, puffed out its collarbone and padded sternly toward him.
For the first time, Biff had the urge to run, but his big toe was closing down and his legs refused to move.
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