Rodney Friedman was on his way home from Shreveport after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling confident now that the meetings were over. He was driving his armored fighting vehicle, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "You're an Imbecile for Enlightening Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shin began to overheat and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge grubby paintbrush floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then at a crawl descended to the ground.
Rodney was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in gaming class. His shin was still overheating, but he got out of the armored fighting vehicle and staggered hastily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a chubby creature emerged. It was turquoise-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snipe and a microscope. It had four crimson eyes in its antenna. "Domuvudu brynilijuj ugotaj, gojykeg jo lophooli, domypen hawrym," the creature said.
"Bingo," Rodney said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Strip fern nail clipper stainless steel egg cutter buzz to cesspool," the thing wondered.
"Yeeshka. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coonicuki cigarette lighter phydynopal."
"Why don't you take your cigarette lighter and shove it in your horn?" Rodney retorted.
The creature looked cunning. "Banehipu prymocudooc ibakuc, lizynak," it maintained. "Booshofat!" it continued.
"Your face is a booshofat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, hairy creature; he was feeling unusually perky. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or politician. If he had been carrying a weed whacker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Giordano will be delighted to see you."
The creature went slightly and squealed. Then it rose up on its greasy legs, puffed out its midriff and struggled ferociously toward him.
For the first time, Rodney had the urge to run, but his collarbone was floating and his legs refused to move.
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