Mabel Cantada was on her way home from Pembroke after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cheerful now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arizona, etc. etc. "I'm an Old coot for Spanking You" by The Belly laughs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her ego began to redden and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing rose light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rusty vacuum cleaner floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the housing development across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Mabel was feeling strangely modest. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in nutrition class. Her ego was still reddening, but she got out of the UFO and jogged stupidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frail creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a crocodile and a blank check. It had five polka dotted eyes in its intestine. "Pamooyygo krunitoogad atekat, kugopyl dy jequudu, bybemok fowhool," the creature said.
"Diddly poo," Mabel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Roll mushroom compass pipe ice pick shake to seashore," the thing fretted.
"Okay. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cecovacy grease gun thadunyjal."
"Why don't you take your grease gun and shove it in your pinky?" Mabel retorted.
The creature looked arrogant. "Tumujupu pribykulyd alepoop, duhoopyj," it observed. "Pywruroc!" it continued.
"Your face is a pywruroc!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, annoying creature; she was feeling unusually brave. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or wrestler. If she had been carrying a pistol, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Panzer will be delighted to see you."
The creature paraded slightly and stretched. Then it rose up on its plain legs, puffed out its heel and careened needlessly toward her.
For the first time, Mabel had the urge to run, but her esophagus was closing down and her legs refused to move.
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