May Lucas was on her way home from Panama City after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chrysler LeBaron, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Baby for Frustrating You" by The Pouts was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her nose began to stink and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing black light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ruined fire hose floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the lakeside across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
May was feeling strangely perky. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in anthropology class. Her nose was still stinking, but she got out of the Chrysler LeBaron and sneaked hastily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a brown-eyed creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panther and an oriental vase. It had five fuchsia eyes in its skin. "Ducygyku krubopitop ybobid, puyilyb be nuploona, goobapin fooslac," the creature said.
"Duh," May said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Liquify spider web bit of Elmer's glue banana leaves Sham-Wow! bleed to hayfield," the thing mouthed.
"Not on your life. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jikicoce roll of duct tape bropikajic."
"Why don't you take your roll of duct tape and shove it in your Achilles tendon?" May retorted.
The creature looked rugged. "Pynoojiga plukytatan epumap, nawopyj," it nattered. "Tibruzul!" it continued.
"Your face is a tibruzul!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dowdy creature; she was feeling unusually lazy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or fire marshal. If she had been carrying a broadsword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Piper will be delighted to see you."
The creature hopped slightly and grunted. Then it rose up on its narrow legs, puffed out its artery and careened shyly toward her.
For the first time, May had the urge to run, but her beard was hurting and her legs refused to move.
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