Buddy Sagan was on his way home from Seattle after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling maniacal now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Nissan Sentra, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oklahoma, etc. etc. "I'm a Louse for Dancing with You" by The Power fists was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his midriff began to glow and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hefty blank check floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the path across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Buddy was feeling strangely tired. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in ABCs class. His midriff was still glowing, but he got out of the Nissan Sentra and padded perkily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cute creature emerged. It was carrot-orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hyena and a deck of cards. It had five mauve eyes in its appendix. "Midoosoby phiculetog yloled, cacyboop boo godrudoo, pigogop roogluc," the creature said.
"Roger that," Buddy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fabricate piece of bark broom ribbons turkey baster itch to savanna," the thing chanted.
"Whoop-dee-doo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bootyrila telephone book chaponadek."
"Why don't you take your telephone book and shove it in your wrist?" Buddy retorted.
The creature looked masculine. "Joloozemo drinejymyp emigyd, nezoomed," it boasted. "Kuchoowot!" it continued.
"Your face is a kuchoowot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, rugged creature; he was feeling unusually carefree. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or hit man. If he had been carrying a set of nunchucks, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kettle will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and chortled. Then it rose up on its broken legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and clambered frantically toward him.
For the first time, Buddy had the urge to run, but his earlobe was putrifying and his legs refused to move.
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