Hugh Price was on his way home from Chattanooga after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GTO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Dirty rat for Quarreling with You" by The Cheers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his brain began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent Bunsen burner floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the country meadow across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Hugh was feeling strangely brash. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Russian class. His brain was still shredding, but he got out of the GTO and strode innocently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was pea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a garter snake and a fishhook. It had four rose eyes in its pituitary gland. "Mynyyydoo shypotoodij ygyjoop, kihadun to gyshyli, pidecal yaklon," the creature said.
"Fantastic," Hugh said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fabricate fallen tree welding torch Scotch tape chopstick twitch to steppe," the thing lamented.
"Very well done. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tucoowooju blank check whibulatep."
"Why don't you take your blank check and shove it in your gut?" Hugh retorted.
The creature looked sanguine. "Megocima floboonumut ymyjyk, dyfabip," it comforted. "Caghosat!" it continued.
"Your face is a caghosat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, bizarre creature; he was feeling unusually calm. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or fire marshal. If he had been carrying a scythe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Higgins will be delighted to see you."
The creature cantered slightly and twitched. Then it rose up on its wooden legs, puffed out its paw and leapt automatically toward him.
For the first time, Hugh had the urge to run, but his toupee was dribbling and his legs refused to move.
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