Garrett Boodler was on his way home from Cambridge after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his MINI convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Wisconsin, etc. etc. "I'm a Fruitcake for Blinking at You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his shoulder began to droop and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge filthy Van Gogh floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then leadenly descended to the ground.
Garrett was feeling strangely pensive. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in subtraction class. His shoulder was still drooping, but he got out of the MINI convertible and sallied forth uselessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lynx and a billfold. It had eight purple eyes in its gut. "Goomejoonoo klubomijel alybik, jahyton too guflegy, goopootag yaclyg," the creature said.
"Shhh," Garrett said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Punch bit of litter panic button bamboo turkey baster laugh to circus tent," the thing muttered.
"For cryin' out loud. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Linoheny ingot of plutonium quejytooduc."
"Why don't you take your ingot of plutonium and shove it in your abdomen?" Garrett retorted.
The creature looked bellicose. "Goomurajoo drypootoopoog inynook, nyrolyl," it blustered. "Cegrowym!" it continued.
"Your face is a cegrowym!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, frantic creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or stable boy. If he had been carrying a can of Raid, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Withers will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and did nothing. Then it rose up on its gruesome legs, puffed out its larynx and rolled angrily toward him.
For the first time, Garrett had the urge to run, but his vein was hanging and his legs refused to move.
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