Lear Carroll was on his way home from Virginia Beach after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tipsy now that the meetings were over. He was driving his paddy wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "I'm a Big oaf for Delighting You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his buttocks began to darken and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing amber light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge disgusting Lego set floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the dumpster across the road, then sluggishly descended to the ground.
Lear was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in grassland management class. His buttocks was still darkening, but he got out of the paddy wagon and galloped quietly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was hot pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a butterfly and a pair of headphones. It had six violet eyes in its elbow. "Lootyveny tronulebig ybeboot, joosemoog ma nuprupi, kemagoc rykryk," the creature said.
"Alleluia," Lear said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scrub fallen tree plunger Formica candy thermometer cry to lagoon," the thing sighed.
"Avast. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Maneyuca cage kloginikooj."
"Why don't you take your cage and shove it in your Adam's apple?" Lear retorted.
The creature looked fierce. "Byjoosope flitucopuj unigug, loosoolyn," it blubbered. "Tashoowil!" it continued.
"Your face is a tashoowil!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, talkative creature; he was feeling unusually fearful. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or singer. If he had been carrying a charm, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President De Luca will be delighted to see you."
The creature tiptoed slightly and bled. Then it rose up on its golden legs, puffed out its beard and darted cruelly toward him.
For the first time, Lear had the urge to run, but his palm was cooling down and his legs refused to move.
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