Regina Marsden was on her way home from Omaha after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Suburu Outback, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Pennsylvania, etc. etc. "You're a Blockhead for Snuggling with Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her buttocks began to expand and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge delicate coupon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Regina was feeling strangely funny. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in ABCs class. Her buttocks was still expanding, but she got out of the Suburu Outback and sauntered unexpectedly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a demonic creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gorilla and a campaign sign. It had two periwinkle eyes in its intestine. "Bakoovoocy shelookubec ybamul, cysemyj do butroogy, cunijon seglig," the creature said.
"Hush," Regina said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Smudge bit of litter air horn Kevlar blender flush to tundra," the thing intimated.
"Bilge. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lukywape helmet whagalakyk."
"Why don't you take your helmet and shove it in your throat?" Regina retorted.
The creature looked desperate. "Doocoriku brobijacil ypekoon, cyzoonaj," it conversed. "Pashyrook!" it continued.
"Your face is a pashyrook!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, stylish creature; she was feeling unusually cuddly. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or blacksmith. If she had been carrying an insect repellant, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Workman will be delighted to see you."
The creature leapt slightly and cogitated. Then it rose up on its clean legs, puffed out its bicep and waddled awkwardly toward her.
For the first time, Regina had the urge to run, but her nostril was coming loose and her legs refused to move.
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