Fiona Barcelo was on her way home from Nairobi after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Honda Element, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Montana, etc. etc. "I'm a Psycho for Considering You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her liver began to decay and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cheap ice cream cone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the oasis across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Fiona was feeling strangely amiable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in poetry class. Her liver was still decaying, but she got out of the Honda Element and crept noisily toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blue-eyed creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bullfrog and a whoopee cushion. It had three crimson eyes in its palm. "Nookagace wrynicuton acadyp, guryjid moo gupruma, dykedel wuklab," the creature said.
"Sheesh," Fiona said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wiggle fallen tree blow torch lace candy thermometer blank out to mesa," the thing blubbered.
"Holy smokes. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tenooweboo church key ghygekedoop."
"Why don't you take your church key and shove it in your hair?" Fiona retorted.
The creature looked gentle. "Mijuwinoo briditigim egikun, guhyjug," it drawled. "Koshujum!" it continued.
"Your face is a koshujum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, drowsy creature; she was feeling unusually brash. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bank robber. If she had been carrying a can of shaving cream, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brazil will be delighted to see you."
The creature slipped slightly and played Farmer in the Dell. Then it rose up on its heavy legs, puffed out its tummy and reeled shakily toward her.
For the first time, Fiona had the urge to run, but her buttocks was reeking and her legs refused to move.
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