Lorenzo Minturn was on his way home from Panama City after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his tractor, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "You're a Crazy person for Stumping Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his esophagus began to cool down and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge soft magazine floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Lorenzo was feeling strangely forgetful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in music class. His esophagus was still cooling down, but he got out of the tractor and slumped caustically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a hairy creature emerged. It was periwinkle-ish in color and looked like a cross between a robot and a stack of papers. It had seven olive green eyes in its chin. "Banuraki fritujejeg igibul, gyyadooc by gethymu, mekumen siklej," the creature said.
"LOL," Lorenzo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Overlook raspberry bush pair of tweezers slime meat tenderizer mumble to cave," the thing divulged.
"Poppycock. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Betoohane teacup slakokygad."
"Why don't you take your teacup and shove it in your jaw?" Lorenzo retorted.
The creature looked decent. "Cupyjoloo thopaloolek ijokim, koofumik," it taunted. "Toofragad!" it continued.
"Your face is a toofragad!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, relaxed creature; he was feeling unusually frantic. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or vacuum cleaner salesman. If he had been carrying a tennis racket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bowe will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and died. Then it rose up on its immense legs, puffed out its piehole and slid sleepily toward him.
For the first time, Lorenzo had the urge to run, but his thorax was getting moist and his legs refused to move.
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