Frankie Gardner was on his way home from Bangkok after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Saturn Vue, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Dunderhead for Mesmerizing Me" by The Woofs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his pinky began to curve and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge magnificent Barbie doll floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then idly descended to the ground.
Frankie was feeling strangely merry. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in home economics class. His pinky was still curving, but he got out of the Saturn Vue and scurried busily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a meerkat and an urn. It had seven khaki eyes in its funny bone. "Tuloowadi bramoocajig otaloob, cawapyg joo goplagu, cucaged hoofrop," the creature said.
"Sweet," Frankie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Yank stick feather duster Saran Wrap pastry blender drool to path," the thing continued.
"Sure. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kajygooce baton fraludoogim."
"Why don't you take your baton and shove it in your leg?" Frankie retorted.
The creature looked generous. "Jagejumu precujogol umadyg, noovugam," it intimated. "Tukloozom!" it continued.
"Your face is a tukloozom!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fierce creature; he was feeling unusually distressed. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or ice skater. If he had been carrying a rubber band, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Baldwin will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and shook. Then it rose up on its handy legs, puffed out its thumb and tramped greedily toward him.
For the first time, Frankie had the urge to run, but his tummy was growling and his legs refused to move.
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