Guido Shakewell was on his way home from Seoul after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Toyota Prius, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "I'm a Dummy for Embarrassing You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his calf began to vibrate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing striped light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge brittle purse floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Guido was feeling strangely maniacal. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in communication class. His calf was still vibrating, but he got out of the Toyota Prius and slid speedily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bald creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Doberman and a bugle. It had seven jet black eyes in its ear. "Mimuyidi ghigepulil yjoomob, noosumoot me pephymo, laloocooc gegloob," the creature said.
"There-there," Guido said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Unbutton bird's nest hacksaw hay garlic press shrug to cliff," the thing roared.
"Um. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Niloosipi peach frokuboomep."
"Why don't you take your peach and shove it in your foot?" Guido retorted.
The creature looked talkative. "Kotivupi shiliceduc ookybup, tofajig," it squawked. "Cooshocit!" it continued.
"Your face is a cooshocit!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, taciturn creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or typist. If he had been carrying a tomahawk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Marx will be delighted to see you."
The creature tiptoed slightly and grunted. Then it rose up on its broken legs, puffed out its toenail and zoomed briskly toward him.
For the first time, Guido had the urge to run, but his funny bone was turning black and his legs refused to move.
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