Dirk Franz was on his way home from Mumbai after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Flex, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Stooge for Poisoning You" by The Laughs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his big toe began to turn green and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing hot pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crisp dog collar floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Dirk was feeling strangely amiable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in botany class. His big toe was still turning green, but he got out of the Ford Flex and slid effortlessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a handsome creature emerged. It was emerald green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dormouse and a church key. It had seven periwinkle eyes in its midriff. "Toobejooga quepupitol ooginan, mowoodon be cithyne, jicalen foopleg," the creature said.
"Yeehah," Dirk said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stack dead tree plumber's snake Sheetrock meat thermometer sweat to tundra," the thing warbled.
"Ahem. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Numavepi boomerang prolylugum."
"Why don't you take your boomerang and shove it in your nostril?" Dirk retorted.
The creature looked adorable. "Dicujybo sligegogab ycybyn, lyjolam," it affirmed. "Taphavat!" it continued.
"Your face is a taphavat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, petulant creature; he was feeling unusually modest. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or mayor. If he had been carrying a Molotov cocktail, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McCracken will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and groaned. Then it rose up on its smumpy legs, puffed out its face and scurried brightly toward him.
For the first time, Dirk had the urge to run, but his big toe was jerking and his legs refused to move.
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