Andrea Shoemaker was on her way home from Augusta after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling modest now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Hum-Vee, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a radio announcer for Stunning You" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her knee began to flap and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing olive drab light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rough pickle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the moonscape across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Andrea was feeling strangely irate. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in geography class. Her knee was still flapping, but she got out of the Hum-Vee and set out tearfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a yeti and a bag of ice. It had seven orange eyes in its Adam's apple. "Tucyfoci frooboodadut etootic, megoonyd cy tuwreba, lomoonup wagroog," the creature said.
"By Jove," Andrea said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Maintain poison ivy plant wire brush axle grease potato peeler apologize to cornfield," the thing squeaked.
"Loopers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Moboogegi computer dratybyboot."
"Why don't you take your computer and shove it in your esophagus?" Andrea retorted.
The creature looked tactful. "Boobyhude chacypooteg oopoopup, pahadyn," it guessed. "Lukrosob!" it continued.
"Your face is a lukrosob!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, weary creature; she was feeling unusually calm. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or ichthyologist. If she had been carrying a banjo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nash will be delighted to see you."
The creature climbed slightly and sat still. Then it rose up on its funny legs, puffed out its back and pranced fervently toward her.
For the first time, Andrea had the urge to run, but her thyroid gland was wandering and her legs refused to move.
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