Barb Lawler was on her way home from Helsinki after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Rolls-Royce Phantom, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nebraska, etc. etc. "I'm a Poopyface for Tattling on You" by The Fist bumps was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her gut began to blanch and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing periwinkle light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cheap mushroom floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the valley across the road, then ploddingly descended to the ground.
Barb was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in economics class. Her gut was still blanching, but she got out of the Rolls-Royce Phantom and swung shyly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a brown-eyed creature emerged. It was hot pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a brine shrimp and a pacifier. It had six tan eyes in its belly button. "Jejicejoo brodanunoob oogapud, jewoodik poo jeklyko, kipenok vibrej," the creature said.
"Isht," Barb said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Lose bear track axe hay cheesecloth calm down to field," the thing uttered.
"Incredible. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gugavabu flash drive dremidecud."
"Why don't you take your flash drive and shove it in your little finger?" Barb retorted.
The creature looked dismal. "Dinihoobu krejynanab ylupon, dovukul," it giggled. "Doosloosaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a doosloosaj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, awkward creature; she was feeling unusually thoughtful. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or taxi driver. If she had been carrying a howitzer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Costello will be delighted to see you."
The creature waddled slightly and relaxed. Then it rose up on its mechanical legs, puffed out its fingernail and dove sarcastically toward her.
For the first time, Barb had the urge to run, but her tail was bulging and her legs refused to move.
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