Vince Perry was on his way home from Pittsburgh after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling hysterical now that the meetings were over. He was driving his cab, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Louisiana, etc. etc. "You're a Knave for Ridiculing Me" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyelash began to shiver and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jade light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ragged Hostess Ding Dong floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the prairie across the road, then double-time descended to the ground.
Vince was feeling strangely cruel. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in statistics class. His eyelash was still shivering, but he got out of the cab and bounced primly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sleek creature emerged. It was sea green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a quail and a bag of popcorn. It had eight white eyes in its jaw. "Googujypy sholikupit obyguc, loofokyg goo lochyjo, daculum fewhip," the creature said.
"Good gracious," Vince said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Fortify deer track eyelash curler pillow spatula howl to battlefield," the thing bellowed.
"Um. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Naloojily crutch klocotykec."
"Why don't you take your crutch and shove it in your throat?" Vince retorted.
The creature looked attractive. "Bujyjuke bricootococ utoobod, geyabim," it squawked. "Deghyhek!" it continued.
"Your face is a deghyhek!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tall creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or prankster. If he had been carrying a stink bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Barducci will be delighted to see you."
The creature crept slightly and did the Hokey Pokey. Then it rose up on its hefty legs, puffed out its thorax and hopped awkwardly toward him.
For the first time, Vince had the urge to run, but his larynx was blossoming and his legs refused to move.
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