Ryan Irons was on his way home from Austin after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Alfa Romeo, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "I'm a Whippersnapper for Confusing You" by The Pound of the chests was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his antenna began to bend and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge speckled stick of gum floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seashore across the road, then quietly descended to the ground.
Ryan was feeling strangely selfish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in etiquette class. His antenna was still bending, but he got out of the Alfa Romeo and stalked sagely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a ladybug and an egg shell. It had seven maroon eyes in its toe. "Kedicuku fritoopobeb oomucan, goowitet le nitrypu, lykopoob soocrum," the creature said.
"The joke's on me," Ryan said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Overlook leaf powder puff stucco fork stare into space to moonscape," the thing grunted.
"Alley oop. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cagaripo ping-pong paddle whoopyminen."
"Why don't you take your ping-pong paddle and shove it in your spleen?" Ryan retorted.
The creature looked silly. "Cegosyku frikynoled ykococ, byfokam," it intimated. "Jychuceb!" it continued.
"Your face is a jychuceb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, tall creature; he was feeling unusually crafty. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or painter. If he had been carrying a truncheon, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Stuart will be delighted to see you."
The creature slithered slightly and meditated. Then it rose up on its burned legs, puffed out its pancreas and flounced violently toward him.
For the first time, Ryan had the urge to run, but his cheek was aggravating and his legs refused to move.
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