Charlie Vincent was on his way home from St. Louis after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "You're a Weirdo for Soothing Me" by The Twitches was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little toe began to come off and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing polka dotted light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge flexible wrench floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the canyon across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Charlie was feeling strangely relaxed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in horticulture class. His little toe was still coming off, but he got out of the Volkswagon and strolled nicely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a redheaded creature emerged. It was amber-ish in color and looked like a cross between a macaque and a pail. It had three jet black eyes in its spine. "Lipoojano plelygenot oomykej, nuwoopot no pawhyna, lolydub jybruc," the creature said.
"Zounds," Charlie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Finish piece of bark garden hoe papier-mâché meat tenderizer wander to hill," the thing pleaded.
"Gee whillikers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tigezuko carrot glicoculam."
"Why don't you take your carrot and shove it in your intestine?" Charlie retorted.
The creature looked rugged. "Kodeyemo krinoducaj ogudej, jowajyl," it said. "Teklosoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a teklosoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, happy creature; he was feeling unusually crafty. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or typing teacher. If he had been carrying a peacemaker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wolfe will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and awoke. Then it rose up on its rusty legs, puffed out its appendix and rushed dolorously toward him.
For the first time, Charlie had the urge to run, but his hand was irritating and his legs refused to move.
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