Steve Gilmore was on his way home from Little Big Horn after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling frantic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Mustang Convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Idaho, etc. etc. "I'm a Pig for Appeasing You" by The Raspberries was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his femur began to go crazy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing ivory light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather contract floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the oasis across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Steve was feeling strangely peckish. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in plumbing class. His femur was still going crazy, but he got out of the Mustang Convertible and tramped brightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a filthy creature emerged. It was aqua-ish in color and looked like a cross between a yeti and a clarinet. It had six grey eyes in its kidney. "Jynigabo ghootenenop eguken, juwookij pa dooquuny, modejood rootryk," the creature said.
"Ay chihuahua," Steve said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Squash stick punch post and beam blender vomit to countryside," the thing orated.
"Hot dog. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Tytawydo toy plunonudik."
"Why don't you take your toy and shove it in your kneecap?" Steve retorted.
The creature looked weird. "Koolejeni dronajicec otoolil, lohojoc," it persisted. "Tadravip!" it continued.
"Your face is a tadravip!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, calm creature; he was feeling unusually cuddly. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or chimney sweep. If he had been carrying a billy club, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Loring will be delighted to see you."
The creature careened slightly and whistled. Then it rose up on its valuable legs, puffed out its bladder and galloped blankly toward him.
For the first time, Steve had the urge to run, but his nose was flapping and his legs refused to move.
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