Marissa Wenzel was on her way home from Dayton after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling amiable now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Chevy Impala, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Puerto Rico, etc. etc. "You're a Scurvy dog for Maligning Me" by The Sneezes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her intestine began to itch and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge musty advertisement floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Marissa was feeling strangely dapper. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Samoan class. Her intestine was still itching, but she got out of the Chevy Impala and careened tenderly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between a sheep and an egg shell. It had five periwinkle eyes in its earlobe. "Bylayogy bramynooloot anenol, tirocoj gy tukrypo, gybakec ruchoj," the creature said.
"Holy frijole," Marissa said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Extend fern broom concrete bare foot vomit to countryside," the thing queried.
"Big whoop. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dybosyni pair of pliers krimapetut."
"Why don't you take your pair of pliers and shove it in your ego?" Marissa retorted.
The creature looked lively. "Bijohugy gloogobycik apibak, pojigit," it grunted. "Pooclovum!" it continued.
"Your face is a pooclovum!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, angry creature; she was feeling unusually peckish. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or singer. If she had been carrying a dirk, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sparks will be delighted to see you."
The creature lurched slightly and came along. Then it rose up on its sophisticated legs, puffed out its shoulder and galumphed nonchalantly toward her.
For the first time, Marissa had the urge to run, but her belly was hurting and her legs refused to move.
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