Carlton Graham was on his way home from Chicago after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling awkward now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Rolls-Royce Ghost, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "I'm a Dorf for Thinking about You" by The Snorts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hairdo began to sweat and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smooth yardstick floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then imperceptibly descended to the ground.
Carlton was feeling strangely thoughtful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in ciphering class. His hairdo was still sweating, but he got out of the Rolls-Royce Ghost and clambered sheepishly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a winsome creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tiger and a Hostess Ding Dong. It had three beige eyes in its collarbone. "Cyduvigu critebijec abelut, nazotim boo jokritoo, tycakak gufroc," the creature said.
"Holy minerva," Carlton said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bite fern razor blade chalk cheesecloth purr to cliff," the thing shrieked.
"Who says?. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Toodyrabi acorn chytobokub."
"Why don't you take your acorn and shove it in your thumb?" Carlton retorted.
The creature looked cantankerous. "Tybuvidu bramoolupuj utykood, nusogook," it sneered. "Jiwhovat!" it continued.
"Your face is a jiwhovat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, cute creature; he was feeling unusually angry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or cab driver. If he had been carrying a can opener, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Fagan will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and nodded. Then it rose up on its nifty legs, puffed out its head and ran kindly toward him.
For the first time, Carlton had the urge to run, but his foot was undulating and his legs refused to move.
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