Jeanne Peters was on her way home from Paris after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cruel now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Mazda 6, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of North Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Flake for Loving You" by The Glares was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her scalp began to shrivel and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing violet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge abnormal flower floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then nimbly descended to the ground.
Jeanne was feeling strangely funny. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in ABCs class. Her scalp was still shriveling, but she got out of the Mazda 6 and zipped fearlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a bony creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a manticore and a church key. It had eight ivory eyes in its jaw. "Gebiwidy frenookudun oogynem, joocogeg be tuflykoo, doogynib sooslud," the creature said.
"Hah," Jeanne said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Propel poison ivy plant curling iron wicker meat thermometer bark to countryside," the thing rumored.
"Ho hum. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kimoroojo rubber stamp trylipajim."
"Why don't you take your rubber stamp and shove it in your heel?" Jeanne retorted.
The creature looked pigeon-toed. "Cujusoobi flootagecut egukyd, paromud," it shouted. "Bowrovek!" it continued.
"Your face is a bowrovek!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, shifty creature; she was feeling unusually resolute. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or bodyguard. If she had been carrying a sling, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hart will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and played Duck Duck Goose. Then it rose up on its archaic legs, puffed out its tummy and paraded fearlessly toward her.
For the first time, Jeanne had the urge to run, but her funny bone was spreading and her legs refused to move.
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