Todd Brinkman was on his way home from Manitoba after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his paddy wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New York, etc. etc. "I'm a Mangy rascal for Punishing You" by The Raised eyebrows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his kidney began to swell and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brown light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bronze twig floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the island across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Todd was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in electronics class. His kidney was still swelling, but he got out of the paddy wagon and reeled confidently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dainty creature emerged. It was black-ish in color and looked like a cross between an oyster and a brush. It had six crimson eyes in its skull. "Cupyjookoo clilitudog oobujyg, koojyjac te cechubo, jubobyb sewhup," the creature said.
"You bet," Todd said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Nuke apple tree buzz saw pine log meat thermometer hum to prairie," the thing howled.
"Eureka. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mojoozypu chain ghutugijic."
"Why don't you take your chain and shove it in your fingernail?" Todd retorted.
The creature looked relaxed. "Pukywupoo krybitoobib yloodid, miyamap," it spouted. "Gophuvud!" it continued.
"Your face is a gophuvud!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, vacuous creature; he was feeling unusually resolute. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bus driver. If he had been carrying a slingshot, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Warren will be delighted to see you."
The creature crawled slightly and lounged. Then it rose up on its huge legs, puffed out its spleen and leapt thankfully toward him.
For the first time, Todd had the urge to run, but his paw was dribbling and his legs refused to move.
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