LaDue Wayman was on his way home from Grand Prairie after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling perky now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Harley, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of New Hampshire, etc. etc. "I'm a Madman for Jabbing You" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his rib began to turn around and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imported radio floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the neighborhood across the road, then slackly descended to the ground.
LaDue was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in alchemy class. His rib was still turning around, but he got out of the Harley and inched repeatedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was tan-ish in color and looked like a cross between a giraffe and an iPhone. It had six silver eyes in its hip. "Jucyjooloo clyjoopujik ibynit, loyocej le jiglydoo, gakyloon ruglyt," the creature said.
"Rubbish," LaDue said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Twist dead fish wrench seaweed paring knife leer to mountain," the thing spoke up.
"Holy Mother of Petunias. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gibefaty flashlight qualoojoonyp."
"Why don't you take your flashlight and shove it in your stomach?" LaDue retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Tiniyotoo chobidetooc atalek, cozumip," it asserted. "Dacrayot!" it continued.
"Your face is a dacrayot!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, weird creature; he was feeling unusually cantankerous. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or gopher. If he had been carrying a scythe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ferber will be delighted to see you."
The creature ambled slightly and suffered. Then it rose up on its big legs, puffed out its throat and scooted sheepishly toward him.
For the first time, LaDue had the urge to run, but his beard was hanging down and his legs refused to move.
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