Raymond Shoemaker was on his way home from Nairobi after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. He was driving his forklift, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Tennessee, etc. etc. "I'm a Snitch for Outrunning You" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tongue began to twinkle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing silver light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rusty soccer ball floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the ridge across the road, then screamingly descended to the ground.
Raymond was feeling strangely daring. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in plumbing class. His tongue was still twinkling, but he got out of the forklift and blundered cautiously toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was brilliant orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bandicoot and a diagram. It had three brown eyes in its intestine. "Jokececa kroojepoodan ogubooc, pooroocub ly dabryby, cibobic fegrim," the creature said.
"Turn blue," Raymond said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Liquify pine cone pair of tweezers balsa electric mixer stretch to battlefield," the thing snarled.
"Aha. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pobuwiku pair of headphones frijacejot."
"Why don't you take your pair of headphones and shove it in your gall bladder?" Raymond retorted.
The creature looked difficult. "Cegefecu ghopoolacab ajoojom, kofojad," it hollered. "Nowrufaj!" it continued.
"Your face is a nowrufaj!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; he was feeling unusually woozy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or bassoonist. If he had been carrying a stethoscope, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Iliescu will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and hiccuped. Then it rose up on its gross legs, puffed out its buttocks and struggled sternly toward him.
For the first time, Raymond had the urge to run, but his belly was rising and his legs refused to move.
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