Ian Greenside was on his way home from Alexandria after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearless now that the meetings were over. He was driving his hoverboard, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Ninnyhammer for Castigating You" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his intestine began to act up and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing peach light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge sophisticated computer floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the island across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Ian was feeling strangely confident. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in evolutionary biology class. His intestine was still acting up, but he got out of the hoverboard and ambled lovingly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was striped-ish in color and looked like a cross between a groundhog and a protest sign. It had six orange eyes in its foot. "Mojooyola ghodoogoojood egetyk, tizykog di toflypa, manootoob sochit," the creature said.
"Phooey," Ian said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Flush twig staple gun rolled oat grater leer to battlefield," the thing piped up.
"Begad. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nudogoke stapler proogitygit."
"Why don't you take your stapler and shove it in your back?" Ian retorted.
The creature looked corpulent. "Cecojagy ghootyticyp ydabac, noojoogat," it asserted. "Joprurel!" it continued.
"Your face is a joprurel!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, considerate creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or nurse. If he had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Murphy will be delighted to see you."
The creature traipsed slightly and calmed down. Then it rose up on its small legs, puffed out its bicep and slid suavely toward him.
For the first time, Ian had the urge to run, but his buttocks was cramping and his legs refused to move.
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