Iris Crabtree was on her way home from Kiev after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling fearless now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota 4Runner, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "I'm a Thug for Sanitizing You" by The Giggles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toupee began to freak out and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing yellow light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hot pink stopwatch floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the crime scene across the road, then like crazy descended to the ground.
Iris was feeling strangely shy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Zambian history class. Her toupee was still freaking out, but she got out of the Toyota 4Runner and sidled sadly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tiny creature emerged. It was magenta-ish in color and looked like a cross between a colt and an advertisement. It had four fuchsia eyes in its ego. "Pucurula pletygogam ookookem, dazejyg ku pokroma, bopagug soglag," the creature said.
"Congratulations," Iris said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Brush piece of bark sponge dirt corkscrew rock to outback," the thing phrased.
"My my. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Doomooryby iPad phokoopegim."
"Why don't you take your iPad and shove it in your cheek?" Iris retorted.
The creature looked insane. "Jyjoorapa tridacoget uguden, necujyl," it realized. "Tewryhyd!" it continued.
"Your face is a tewryhyd!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, intrepid creature; she was feeling unusually excitable. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or fireman. If she had been carrying a peacemaker, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Jones will be delighted to see you."
The creature hopped slightly and rejoiced. Then it rose up on its jagged legs, puffed out its nose and lumbered hastily toward her.
For the first time, Iris had the urge to run, but her antenna was smoking and her legs refused to move.
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