Hendrick Quill was on his way home from Seoul after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Camaro, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Rhode Island, etc. etc. "You're a Dingleberry for Caring for Me" by The Wrinkled noses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his foot began to irritate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jet black light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge ornate barbell floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then lethargically descended to the ground.
Hendrick was feeling strangely crafty. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in baking class. His foot was still irritating, but he got out of the Camaro and ambled again toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was forest green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a snipe and an oriental vase. It had eight peach eyes in its leg. "Cogejaci croodebokon ojejoc, localud doo beshoni, kijykig roklym," the creature said.
"Holy minerva," Hendrick said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Hurl mulberry tree heat gun styrofoam slotted spoon expectorate to neighborhood," the thing thought.
"Idiot. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nemyyycu hair dryer phenymoopoog."
"Why don't you take your hair dryer and shove it in your esophagus?" Hendrick retorted.
The creature looked depraved. "Jybarice flootitekom ilocuk, tafokoob," it indicated. "Loowhoowal!" it continued.
"Your face is a loowhoowal!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, moronic creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or sword swallower. If he had been carrying a slingshot, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nelson will be delighted to see you."
The creature sailed slightly and played solitaire. Then it rose up on its prickly legs, puffed out its eyeball and set out numbly toward him.
For the first time, Hendrick had the urge to run, but his brain was rumbling and his legs refused to move.
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