Esmeralda Greybottom was on her way home from Kampala after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling brash now that the meetings were over. She was driving her skateboard, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virginia, etc. etc. "You're a Sloth for Suing Me" by The Flinchs was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her funny bone began to decay and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing teal light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge gooey vase floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the bog across the road, then reluctantly descended to the ground.
Esmeralda was feeling strangely pensive. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in sociology class. Her funny bone was still decaying, but she got out of the skateboard and loped humbly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an Asian creature emerged. It was metallic red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a buffalo and a dog biscuit. It had five white eyes in its spleen. "Kodojugoo flydoocedoon onebek, joozulul me jequudoo, jujigan vyslan," the creature said.
"Sieg Heil," Esmeralda said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Study weed drill precious gem pair of tongs raise an eyebrow to desert," the thing interrupted.
"Out of this world. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Joogejeloo ticket prynadojut."
"Why don't you take your ticket and shove it in your femur?" Esmeralda retorted.
The creature looked nervous. "Nudyfita fryginanip iboodup, cuhudup," it began. "Lobrovel!" it continued.
"Your face is a lobrovel!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, megalomaniacal creature; she was feeling unusually brave. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or optometrist. If she had been carrying a sword, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cantor will be delighted to see you."
The creature sauntered slightly and meowed. Then it rose up on its old legs, puffed out its liver and sneaked sympathetically toward her.
For the first time, Esmeralda had the urge to run, but her Adam's apple was coming loose and her legs refused to move.
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