Gerald Plummer was on his way home from Bull Run after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling self-assured now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ram pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Texas, etc. etc. "You're a Laggard for Jabbing Me" by The Furrowed brows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his big toe began to dribble and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing sea green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge hollow piggy bank floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the ridge across the road, then moderately descended to the ground.
Gerald was feeling strangely cuddly. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in environmental science class. His big toe was still dribbling, but he got out of the Ram pickup and waded lamely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sorrowful creature emerged. It was crimson-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bullfrog and a toilet plunger. It had four mauve eyes in its chest. "Doobuwooda tricubukit inenem, bufunyg cu loquigy, moogytan geghel," the creature said.
"If only," Gerald said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Heat mulberry tree sledgehammer sugar turkey baster laugh to cesspool," the thing croaked.
"Ahoy. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coolyfoko helmet klecimalec."
"Why don't you take your helmet and shove it in your ear?" Gerald retorted.
The creature looked emotional. "Kalahubo quajydolib ididej, loozajok," it railed. "Piwryyoop!" it continued.
"Your face is a piwryyoop!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, shifty creature; he was feeling unusually peckish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or wrestler. If he had been carrying a bad breath, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Rebensdorf will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and played solitaire. Then it rose up on its ornate legs, puffed out its chest and tiptoed sarcastically toward him.
For the first time, Gerald had the urge to run, but his pancreas was flaring up and his legs refused to move.
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