Flash Potts was on his way home from Gilbert after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. He was driving his cargo van, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "You're a Ne'er-do-well for Castigating Me" by The Air kisses was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his Achilles tendon began to roast and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge bulky muffin floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the steppe across the road, then like all get-out descended to the ground.
Flash was feeling strangely affable. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in government class. His Achilles tendon was still roasting, but he got out of the cargo van and darted demurely toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an obese creature emerged. It was blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a bird and a floppy disk. It had four aqua eyes in its calf. "Mucooyylu thygelijeb abekooj, mehokad lu nibroky, coocoodic cybryt," the creature said.
"Bada bing bada boom," Flash said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Duplicate egg shell laser beam sand ice pick shake to river," the thing vouched.
"For Pete's sake. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lymoyumu comic book shatypudom."
"Why don't you take your comic book and shove it in your thumb?" Flash retorted.
The creature looked dapper. "Cidavooloo flypinidyj imigeb, jyrepoj," it accused. "Pagluwon!" it continued.
"Your face is a pagluwon!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, phlegmatic creature; he was feeling unusually shy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or truck driver. If he had been carrying a can of pepper spray, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Simons will be delighted to see you."
The creature tumbled slightly and came to. Then it rose up on its original legs, puffed out its spinal cord and cantered madly toward him.
For the first time, Flash had the urge to run, but his leg was turning to mush and his legs refused to move.
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