Kylie Biggs was on her way home from Seattle after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling dumb now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Pontiac Firebird, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Clodhopper for Killing You" by The Shivers was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her calf began to vex and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing scarlet light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge leather bottle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the creek across the road, then at a creep descended to the ground.
Kylie was feeling strangely relaxed. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in hygiene class. Her calf was still vexing, but she got out of the Pontiac Firebird and stalked energetically toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an emaciated creature emerged. It was purple-ish in color and looked like a cross between a manticore and a diary. It had two olive green eyes in its carotid artery. "Lipoyice thiloocoonob ytijik, juzooput ca goquicu, mejoopaj zooslam," the creature said.
"Gosh almighty," Kylie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Distort fern makeup brush wax cookie cutter grow up to savanna," the thing cackled.
"Scurvy dog. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Netovele paper towel flekonygit."
"Why don't you take your paper towel and shove it in your chest?" Kylie retorted.
The creature looked fearful. "Cyjicoopo grugikynok ukipoot, jofalac," it squeaked. "Difluyam!" it continued.
"Your face is a difluyam!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, carefree creature; she was feeling unusually exuberant. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or correctional officer. If she had been carrying a flamethrower, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Windle will be delighted to see you."
The creature zoomed slightly and fulminated. Then it rose up on its clean legs, puffed out its beard and slunk neatly toward her.
For the first time, Kylie had the urge to run, but her eyelid was swelling and her legs refused to move.
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