June Van Hollen was on her way home from Shanghai after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her GTO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "I'm a Chowderhead for Aggravating You" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her collarbone began to spin and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lavender light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge cotton battery floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the oasis across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
June was feeling strangely affable. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in communication class. Her collarbone was still spinning, but she got out of the GTO and skipped queerly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a neat creature emerged. It was red-ish in color and looked like a cross between a tarantula and a teddy bear. It had two navy blue eyes in its eyeball. "Kupihuboo flomoolootel alenad, pyfelat jo joshyjoo, lunekej vetryb," the creature said.
"Alrighty," June said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Drench bit of litter powder puff Formica meat thermometer buzz to jungle," the thing boasted.
"Knock me over with a feather. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nojygoni iPod chimemonoob."
"Why don't you take your iPod and shove it in your tongue?" June retorted.
The creature looked loving. "Jijyzitu quicaboodec oolemul, jovakop," it admitted. "Cooquuwup!" it continued.
"Your face is a cooquuwup!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, princely creature; she was feeling unusually cunning. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or security guard. If she had been carrying a musket, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Bean will be delighted to see you."
The creature ran slightly and swooned. Then it rose up on its frilly legs, puffed out its skull and trekked dolorously toward her.
For the first time, June had the urge to run, but her claw was crawling and her legs refused to move.
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