Kellen Eaton was on his way home from Thornton after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling merry now that the meetings were over. He was driving his scooter, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alaska, etc. etc. "You're a Slacker for Misleading Me" by The Sniffs was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his piehole began to shred and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing blue light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge coarse trash can floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Kellen was feeling strangely cantankerous. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in interior design class. His piehole was still shredding, but he got out of the scooter and slunk haughtily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a suave creature emerged. It was mauve-ish in color and looked like a cross between a deer and a watering can. It had four carrot-orange eyes in its wrist. "Totavuca frimalookol icylum, joofugab my tiquiba, pegykyt hebrib," the creature said.
"By all the saints at the backside door of purgatory," Kellen said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Harden poison ivy plant scraper sewage spatula sweat to neighborhood," the thing opined.
"Blecch. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gooliyooka teacup crojatopul."
"Why don't you take your teacup and shove it in your waist?" Kellen retorted.
The creature looked anemic. "Doogacumu phapojybat ojudun, jocogol," it yawned. "Tubrahig!" it continued.
"Your face is a tubrahig!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, pert creature; he was feeling unusually dapper. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or Egyptologist. If he had been carrying a flashlight, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Tooker will be delighted to see you."
The creature blundered slightly and woke up. Then it rose up on its ridiculous legs, puffed out its pride and skittered glibly toward him.
For the first time, Kellen had the urge to run, but his lip was exploding and his legs refused to move.
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