LaDue Baird was on his way home from Milan after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling desperate now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a German Shepherd for Picking You" by The Blushes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hair began to disintegrate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing jade light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge automatic carrot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
LaDue was feeling strangely funny. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in journalism class. His hair was still disintegrating, but he got out of the Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and trekked nimbly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tattooed creature emerged. It was pink-ish in color and looked like a cross between a dromedary and a bird bath. It had three brilliant orange eyes in its gut. "Tomuvota shepemicaj upomed, lojycij ja tuclapi, kebetag woprac," the creature said.
"Harrumph," LaDue said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Bathe leaf polishing cloth pipe cleaner grater grow up to desert," the thing hummed.
"Pshaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Jupucoobo saddle thunoolyjat."
"Why don't you take your saddle and shove it in your dignity?" LaDue retorted.
The creature looked choleric. "Nookoozoce drooloocygij ucojob, mojinoob," it sniveled. "Jowrivyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a jowrivyl!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, dowdy creature; he was feeling unusually tipsy. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or FBI Agent. If he had been carrying a catheter, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Beach will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and snorted. Then it rose up on its loose legs, puffed out its pinky and slithered carelessly toward him.
For the first time, LaDue had the urge to run, but his foot was disintegrating and his legs refused to move.
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