Nan Comstad was on her way home from Oklahoma City after a three-day series of business meetings. She was feeling calm now that the meetings were over. She was driving her mail truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Arkansas, etc. etc. "I'm a Cretin for Castigating You" by The Bounds was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her hip began to turn to mush and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge coarse flute floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Nan was feeling strangely furious. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Egyptology class. Her hip was still turning to mush, but she got out of the mail truck and loped viciously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pale creature emerged. It was rose-ish in color and looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a Lego set. It had three olive green eyes in its stomach. "Batoofina ghomamanoob ycemen, mogybic pi noghagoo, jinydyp ciwhyk," the creature said.
"My word," Nan said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Return maple tree caulking gun slime dull knife get rigid to garden," the thing insisted.
"W00t. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Boobohily tennis racket klotoobapook."
"Why don't you take your tennis racket and shove it in your eye?" Nan retorted.
The creature looked sociable. "Tepuhaje klybapiteb itebat, becinak," it preached. "Toowricyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a toowricyl!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, selfish creature; she was feeling unusually tired. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or secretary. If she had been carrying a blow pipe, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Holiday will be delighted to see you."
The creature lumbered slightly and showed up. Then it rose up on its gaudy legs, puffed out its eyelash and breezed vacantly toward her.
For the first time, Nan had the urge to run, but her spine was crawling and her legs refused to move.
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