Roscoe German was on his way home from Krakow after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling queer now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Suburu Outback, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Delaware, etc. etc. "I'm a Barbarian for Double-crossing You" by The Giggles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his forehead began to bleed and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striped dish floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the forest across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Roscoe was feeling strangely desperate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in electronics class. His forehead was still bleeding, but he got out of the Suburu Outback and bounced neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a warthog and a sea shell. It had five hot pink eyes in its tail. "Jejejagy clemootanel oocejep, towanic cy bophogu, tubigap zabrol," the creature said.
"Deranged," Roscoe said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Remember bit of moss circular saw leaf and twig bare foot crouch to park," the thing rebutted.
"You're kidding. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Joobooyalu cane plynigebop."
"Why don't you take your cane and shove it in your mouth?" Roscoe retorted.
The creature looked cantankerous. "Nopicyma brinubudul aloogok, pawilid," it appealed. "Kuchyfim!" it continued.
"Your face is a kuchyfim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, crazy creature; he was feeling unusually selfish. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or evangelist. If he had been carrying a hatchet, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Kringle will be delighted to see you."
The creature strolled slightly and purred. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its lip and sashayed swiftly toward him.
For the first time, Roscoe had the urge to run, but his wrist was getting hot and his legs refused to move.
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