Melvin Tucker was on his way home from Louisville after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling somber now that the meetings were over. He was driving his golf cart, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Illinois, etc. etc. "You're a Sneak for Training Me" by The Dope slaps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his finger began to jerk and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge fuzzy carrot floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the gully across the road, then indolently descended to the ground.
Melvin was feeling strangely irate. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in musicianship class. His finger was still jerking, but he got out of the golf cart and proceeded recklessly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a spry creature emerged. It was brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a mosquito and a brush. It had seven teal eyes in its tongue. "Takugyny brocimubyg abotoj, cicalet lu pagridi, neloocot jybrog," the creature said.
"Mommy," Melvin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Patch seed pod pizza cutter gravel electric paint mixer buzz to arroyo," the thing giggled.
"Boo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dodegeme blanket glijecoomub."
"Why don't you take your blanket and shove it in your eyelash?" Melvin retorted.
The creature looked agitated. "Codoozime thykokalooj yjenud, duremen," it exclaimed. "Kiplooreg!" it continued.
"Your face is a kiplooreg!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, choleric creature; he was feeling unusually cruel. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or matador. If he had been carrying a camera, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Law will be delighted to see you."
The creature flounced slightly and wobbled. Then it rose up on its cardboard legs, puffed out its spleen and slumped firmly toward him.
For the first time, Melvin had the urge to run, but his wrist was festering and his legs refused to move.
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