Vance Shackleton was on his way home from Monterrey after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling lethargic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his dump truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only three drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Stalker for Bonding with You" by The Yawns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hairdo began to harden and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing purple light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge odd avocado floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the stream across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Vance was feeling strangely cunning. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in information science class. His hairdo was still hardening, but he got out of the dump truck and lumbered daringly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a computer and a doll. It had five purple eyes in its lip. "Joboocoogo froopumudac uboogyk, nasijem ke coquoobe, ninoomaj yowreg," the creature said.
"Lord be praised," Vance said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Pull seed pod utility knife foam egg cutter back up to creek," the thing bragged.
"Holy moley. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dacejojoo vase kryjagepug."
"Why don't you take your vase and shove it in your toe?" Vance retorted.
The creature looked amiable. "Koodujyja ghibepyboot unabul, jicetoc," it spoke up. "Kiplozan!" it continued.
"Your face is a kiplozan!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, solitary creature; he was feeling unusually brave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or lawyer. If he had been carrying a pom-pom, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cantor will be delighted to see you."
The creature skidded slightly and coughed. Then it rose up on its grubby legs, puffed out its big toe and reeled fiercely toward him.
For the first time, Vance had the urge to run, but his shoulder was aggravating and his legs refused to move.
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