Samantha Greenshields was on her way home from Carlsbad after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Smart Car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm a Simpleton for Teasing You" by The Chortles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her vein began to get sweaty and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing lime-green light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge colossal shoe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the landfill across the road, then rapidly descended to the ground.
Samantha was feeling strangely fearless. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in English class. Her vein was still getting sweaty, but she got out of the Smart Car and loped grimly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a cute creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a monster and a piggy bank. It had five blue eyes in its midriff. "Miloowamy klulytipoon idoodoon, cufobil ne paghooca, nukemej wuprig," the creature said.
"Mother of peanut butter," Samantha said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Burn badger hole eyelash curler papyrus dull knife doodle to hill," the thing remarked.
"Jeez. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Belevyka duffel bag whoonelyjib."
"Why don't you take your duffel bag and shove it in your belly button?" Samantha retorted.
The creature looked prickly. "Bitooriko glodugibot odigem, dofikag," it spewed. "Jywhoofek!" it continued.
"Your face is a jywhoofek!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wizened creature; she was feeling unusually perky. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or translator. If she had been carrying a Taser, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hill will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and looked angry. Then it rose up on its crusty legs, puffed out its pancreas and flew defiantly toward her.
For the first time, Samantha had the urge to run, but her nose was shrinking and her legs refused to move.
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