Montague Tuttle was on his way home from Syracuse after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Saturn, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Hawaii, etc. etc. "I'm a Pervert for Stepping on You" by The Gurgles was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his belly began to curve and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing salmon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imported paper clip floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then diligently descended to the ground.
Montague was feeling strangely fearful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in botany class. His belly was still curving, but he got out of the Saturn and skittered narrowly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a good looking creature emerged. It was golden-ish in color and looked like a cross between a unicorn and a knitting needle. It had five turquoise eyes in its belly button. "Cunuyebo dropakajag ujulak, terykod no lushyle, lumipon hyklap," the creature said.
"No way," Montague said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Manage leaf laser beam cookie dough basting brush come to to gully," the thing fretted.
"Blaak. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nybihilo can of shaving cream thebojoomib."
"Why don't you take your can of shaving cream and shove it in your skull?" Montague retorted.
The creature looked earnest. "Bygoyotoo slidynycyd ytabam, gyvoonyl," it spewed. "Gotroocyc!" it continued.
"Your face is a gotroocyc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, urbane creature; he was feeling unusually dumb. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or scout. If he had been carrying a Taser, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sattler will be delighted to see you."
The creature zipped slightly and winced. Then it rose up on its decrepit legs, puffed out its belly and cantered nonchalantly toward him.
For the first time, Montague had the urge to run, but his elbow was drooping and his legs refused to move.
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