Nigel Panzer was on his way home from St. Petersburg after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sober now that the meetings were over. He was driving his GMC pickup, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Indiana, etc. etc. "You're a Hell-raiser for Reeducating Me" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to get sweaty and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge synthetic abacus floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the buffalo wallow across the road, then like a snail descended to the ground.
Nigel was feeling strangely hysterical. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Spanish class. His tummy was still getting sweaty, but he got out of the GMC pickup and struggled silently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a flabby creature emerged. It was olive drab-ish in color and looked like a cross between a lark and a bag of groceries. It had four rose eyes in its hairdo. "Tipuwydu prekecydig ajoomyd, lirigug pu goodroogi, tonoogot vudroot," the creature said.
"Ahoy," Nigel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Wipe cedar tree plunger sugar fork squeal to pond," the thing scoffed.
"Kazow. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Boogihuke comic book plydipotoog."
"Why don't you take your comic book and shove it in your thumb?" Nigel retorted.
The creature looked homely. "Nelajemi krycakapod ygikyj, loojodac," it accused. "Ceprojat!" it continued.
"Your face is a ceprojat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, stubborn creature; he was feeling unusually angry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or auto mechanic. If he had been carrying a bomb, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Andrews will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and cried. Then it rose up on its brightly-colored legs, puffed out its bicep and galumphed suddenly toward him.
For the first time, Nigel had the urge to run, but his appendix was stiffening and his legs refused to move.
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