Janice Bewley was on her way home from Tijuana after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling ambitious now that the meetings were over. She was driving her chariot, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Dummy for Double-crossing You" by The Chuckles was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her face began to writhe and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge spongy apple floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Janice was feeling strangely cuddly. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in subtraction class. Her face was still writhing, but she got out of the chariot and flew suspiciously toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a dapper creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a honeybee and a business card. It had three purple eyes in its skin. "Putarogi thugukijub ebekyd, mowiboop joo muchida, bacejoon getroog," the creature said.
"Oh well," Janice said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Whack deer track knife snow pair of tongs stretch to marsh," the thing explained.
"Aaaw. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Golifooby paperclip clajocigyb."
"Why don't you take your paperclip and shove it in your chin?" Janice retorted.
The creature looked drowsy. "Begiwoolo frepoopobop egojed, myzootyj," it urged. "Ceplazoj!" it continued.
"Your face is a ceplazoj!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, wicked creature; she was feeling unusually hysterical. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or film director. If she had been carrying a Colt 45, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Banks will be delighted to see you."
The creature danced slightly and freaked out. Then it rose up on its filthy legs, puffed out its appendix and galloped dreamily toward her.
For the first time, Janice had the urge to run, but her calf was growing hair and her legs refused to move.
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