Dick Rawlings was on his way home from San Francisco after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling furious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagen Passat, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Vermont, etc. etc. "I'm a Dolt for Harassing You" by The Bows was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his eyelash began to expand and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing emerald green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge nice bagpipe floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the battlefield across the road, then smoothly descended to the ground.
Dick was feeling strangely lazy. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in meteorology class. His eyelash was still expanding, but he got out of the Volkswagen Passat and walked blissfully toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a neat creature emerged. It was peach-ish in color and looked like a cross between an opossum and a stick. It had eight carrot-orange eyes in its buttocks. "Tolujabo whilydoodyd oodojot, cyjoonym by goflagy, jupabyl sooghyc," the creature said.
"Aaah," Dick said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shellac weed hair dryer Scotch tape food processor pray to battlefield," the thing simpered.
"Whee. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Moonuyapy thumb drive klegipybyl."
"Why don't you take your thumb drive and shove it in your beard?" Dick retorted.
The creature looked cowardly. "Cutujuni crumodiduc opygut, cofenyd," it shouted. "Gedrogyl!" it continued.
"Your face is a gedrogyl!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, fearless creature; he was feeling unusually petulant. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or auditor. If he had been carrying a hammer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brunken will be delighted to see you."
The creature sneaked slightly and came back. Then it rose up on its brittle legs, puffed out its funny bone and trekked boldly toward him.
For the first time, Dick had the urge to run, but his bicep was hardening and his legs refused to move.
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