Arthur Holloman was on his way home from Augusta after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ferrari, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only nine drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Kentucky, etc. etc. "I'm a Lackwit for Jumping on You" by The Wags of the finger was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his jaw began to creak and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing maroon light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge sophisticated saw floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the garden across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Arthur was feeling strangely cheerful. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in citizenship class. His jaw was still creaking, but he got out of the Ferrari and clambered brightly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a petite creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a Pekingese and a mushroom. It had four pink eyes in its pinky. "Moogafiju clalogupook okomoog, goofagud ce gaclooba, bybapook vocleg," the creature said.
"At last," Arthur said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Ignore spider web wrench alpaca hair potato peeler vomit to arroyo," the thing mouthed.
"Brrr. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Cinoojeke fire hose ghigemujat."
"Why don't you take your fire hose and shove it in your nostril?" Arthur retorted.
The creature looked comely. "Nugafeloo frejapogit oopyboot, tizyjoob," it jeered. "Pashoosat!" it continued.
"Your face is a pashoosat!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, stubby creature; he was feeling unusually dumb. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or rabble rouser. If he had been carrying a roll of duct tape, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Sludge will be delighted to see you."
The creature sauntered slightly and applauded. Then it rose up on its authentic legs, puffed out its artery and staggered suavely toward him.
For the first time, Arthur had the urge to run, but his ear was opening up and his legs refused to move.
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