Thomas Eppley was on his way home from Avonlea after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cautious now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Suzuki Wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Florida, etc. etc. "You're a Clown for Confusing Me" by The Curtsies was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his little finger began to dangle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing burgundy light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge imported saw floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the arroyo across the road, then deliberately descended to the ground.
Thomas was feeling strangely suave. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in social studies class. His little finger was still dangling, but he got out of the Suzuki Wagon and whirled numbly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a scraggly creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a whale and a pail. It had three mauve eyes in its buttocks. "Ninyvupo shopenocap oomoopon, mevookyd pe cukliky, pegokyd ciclyp," the creature said.
"I'm so sure," Thomas said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Play with apple tree heat gun cookie dough meat thermometer squeal to peninsula," the thing spat.
"Just a minute. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Lybufuke bicycle kroomootunun."
"Why don't you take your bicycle and shove it in your thumb?" Thomas retorted.
The creature looked grizzled. "Gumecane ghajaboopid ooboopoc, karuman," it stated. "Pycheseb!" it continued.
"Your face is a pycheseb!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, desperate creature; he was feeling unusually cautious. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or jockey. If he had been carrying a hand sanitizer, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cosak will be delighted to see you."
The creature scooted slightly and smiled. Then it rose up on its golden legs, puffed out its lip and staggered joyously toward him.
For the first time, Thomas had the urge to run, but his head was sticking and his legs refused to move.
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