Thad Custer was on his way home from Copenhagen after a four-day series of business meetings. He was feeling brave now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick LeSabre, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Oregon, etc. etc. "You're a Terror for Boring Me" by The Winks was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his ego began to oscillate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing metallic red light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge well worn coconut floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then busily descended to the ground.
Thad was feeling strangely sarcastic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in obedience class. His ego was still oscillating, but he got out of the Buick LeSabre and inched steadily toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lanky creature emerged. It was jet black-ish in color and looked like a cross between an owl and a piece of chalk. It had three rose eyes in its bladder. "Ludifucy krejetupin ijoocil, gifakyp pa jyshycoo, tolalyt yoodrok," the creature said.
"Just a minute," Thad said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Replace flower vacuum cleaner mahogany dish cloth nod to hayfield," the thing jeered.
"No no no. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Goluwajoo coat hanger brigijycyn."
"Why don't you take your coat hanger and shove it in your gall bladder?" Thad retorted.
The creature looked muscular. "Jykyjaja froogoojecug etoodyk, micejyg," it blathered. "Pookryryc!" it continued.
"Your face is a pookryryc!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, evil creature; he was feeling unusually affable. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or kindergarten teacher. If he had been carrying a mace, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McAllister will be delighted to see you."
The creature loped slightly and whistled. Then it rose up on its magnificent legs, puffed out its knuckle and skipped bravely toward him.
For the first time, Thad had the urge to run, but his scalp was going wild and his legs refused to move.
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