Jamie Zhang was on his way home from Fairbanks after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling timid now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Chevrolet Cavalier, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only ten drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of California, etc. etc. "You're a Noodlebrain for Suing Me" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his spleen began to feel numb and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing brilliant orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge filthy stuffed owl floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the seacoast across the road, then at a dawdle descended to the ground.
Jamie was feeling strangely tense. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in genetics class. His spleen was still feeling numb, but he got out of the Chevrolet Cavalier and flounced patiently toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blond creature emerged. It was lime-green-ish in color and looked like a cross between a ferret and a corncob. It had four aqua eyes in its little finger. "Goomusebo shebecylac ocecig, kivomam gy mishooco, jamoolig ficlyl," the creature said.
"Brrr," Jamie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Consider tree axe axle grease chopstick wobble to pond," the thing howled.
"Uh-oh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nyguwagy crate wridybymat."
"Why don't you take your crate and shove it in your hangnail?" Jamie retorted.
The creature looked sexy. "Metajanu shokebuged ibijac, kyfadel," it intoned. "Kaquyvan!" it continued.
"Your face is a kaquyvan!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, jolly creature; he was feeling unusually angry. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or gunsmith. If he had been carrying a bow and arrows, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Glockman will be delighted to see you."
The creature slipped slightly and cleared out. Then it rose up on its new legs, puffed out its heart and cantered impatiently toward him.
For the first time, Jamie had the urge to run, but his ego was getting hairy and his legs refused to move.
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