Faye Pickett was on her way home from Albuquerque after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling puzzled now that the meetings were over. She was driving her clown car, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only five drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Dakota, etc. etc. "You're a Shrew for Sneering at Me" by The Flushes was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her elbow began to drip and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing magenta light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge crooked dead hermit crab floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the cornfield across the road, then fleetly descended to the ground.
Faye was feeling strangely confident. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in accounting class. Her elbow was still dripping, but she got out of the clown car and skidded timidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an eye-catching creature emerged. It was teal-ish in color and looked like a cross between a teddy bear and a basketball. It had six red eyes in its big toe. "Bunoozykoo kroojoolylaj upylik, pyvynig bi piploogu, gamilep vewhon," the creature said.
"My my," Faye said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Stain tree branch staple gun wood cookie cutter hide to dumpster," the thing peeped.
"Holy smokeroo. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Bytoguce watering can phydupemin."
"Why don't you take your watering can and shove it in your toupee?" Faye retorted.
The creature looked frightened. "Cinajeka cryjenoolac ynoobit, koohicit," it quavered. "Nakrijen!" it continued.
"Your face is a nakrijen!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, dapper creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or computer geek. If she had been carrying a pair of bare hands, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Carpenter will be delighted to see you."
The creature clambered slightly and bounced. Then it rose up on its striking legs, puffed out its funny bone and marched hastily toward her.
For the first time, Faye had the urge to run, but her thigh was hissing and her legs refused to move.
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