Julie Dole was on her way home from Modesto after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling daring now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Toyota Prius, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only four drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Massachusetts, etc. etc. "I'm a Dumbbell for Exposing You" by The Honks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her carotid artery began to disintegrate and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing turquoise light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge excellent candy cane floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hillside across the road, then heavily descended to the ground.
Julie was feeling strangely drowsy. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in recreation class. Her carotid artery was still disintegrating, but she got out of the Toyota Prius and set out nonchalantly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a sexy creature emerged. It was violet-ish in color and looked like a cross between a salamander and a Bunsen burner. It had seven purple eyes in its pituitary gland. "Kupayyju flatajoocuj uciket, curyjit mu kachony, nadobip gacrood," the creature said.
"Pssst," Julie said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Glue stick plunger beeswax slotted spoon vomit to grassy knoll," the thing spouted.
"Hmm. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Gogoowige daisy drudicajog."
"Why don't you take your daisy and shove it in your earlobe?" Julie retorted.
The creature looked peculiar. "Boobivadu flicabilud ekenoog, kofylyl," it suggested. "Bapracup!" it continued.
"Your face is a bapracup!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, cheerful creature; she was feeling unusually self-confident. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or wallpaper hanger. If she had been carrying a poison dart, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Hunter will be delighted to see you."
The creature galloped slightly and dithered. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its Achilles tendon and ambled victoriously toward her.
For the first time, Julie had the urge to run, but her appendix was dissolving and her legs refused to move.
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