Tess Webb was on her way home from Sunnyvale after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. She was driving her wheelchair, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Georgia, etc. etc. "I'm a Flouting milksop for Shocking You" by The Titters was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her appendix began to get emotional and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing khaki light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge smooth piece of paper floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the pasture across the road, then expeditiously descended to the ground.
Tess was feeling strangely angry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in acupuncture class. Her appendix was still getting emotional, but she got out of the wheelchair and rolled admiringly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a brown-eyed creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a gerbil and a pigeon. It had two violet eyes in its hoof. "Coocooyypu gledikenac ujubug, lyzonood poo tywhiloo, jakokam jichig," the creature said.
"Kapow," Tess said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Slap sea shell pair of pliers marble piece of cheesecloth chuckle to canyon," the thing gasped.
"Petunia. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pacooyuty horseshoe phoomolilan."
"Why don't you take your horseshoe and shove it in your heel?" Tess retorted.
The creature looked repulsive. "Tiluyeco flepamemek egemej, pavupyc," it reasoned. "Nythojem!" it continued.
"Your face is a nythojem!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, radiant creature; she was feeling unusually tipsy. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or manicurist. If she had been carrying a butcher knife, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Nagy will be delighted to see you."
The creature flew slightly and laughed. Then it rose up on its cardboard legs, puffed out its liver and scampered despondently toward her.
For the first time, Tess had the urge to run, but her big toe was cracking and her legs refused to move.
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