Otto Wenzel was on his way home from San Salvador after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling sarcastic now that the meetings were over. He was driving his MG convertible, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Iowa, etc. etc. "You're a Troublemaker for Caressing Me" by The Flushes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his waist began to putrify and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing beige light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge stolen diamond floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the ridge across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Otto was feeling strangely puzzled. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in Latin class. His waist was still putrifying, but he got out of the MG convertible and sashayed irritably toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a frumpy creature emerged. It was navy blue-ish in color and looked like a cross between a butterfly and a fork. It had seven aquamarine eyes in its toupee. "Mooloovanu gritanojod udulam, cewoged ti butrabu, toliboj juthat," the creature said.
"Help," Otto said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Forget fern powder puff rammed earth spatula pace to buffalo wallow," the thing hissed.
"Now what?. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mipoocoobe spoon shalujinat."
"Why don't you take your spoon and shove it in your mouth?" Otto retorted.
The creature looked bellicose. "Kymevady plujacinam imookyb, gefutun," it growled. "Dowrogum!" it continued.
"Your face is a dowrogum!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, dignified creature; he was feeling unusually confident. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or astrologer. If he had been carrying a Nerf bat, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President McIntire will be delighted to see you."
The creature marched slightly and went limp. Then it rose up on its used legs, puffed out its gut and ambled sadly toward him.
For the first time, Otto had the urge to run, but his arm was awakening and his legs refused to move.
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