Samuel Brontsky was on his way home from Augusta after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling tense now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Buick Riviera, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Washington, etc. etc. "I'm a She-wolf for Agreeing with You" by The Frowns was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his collarbone began to get moldy and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing tan light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge striking balloon floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the treetop across the road, then briskly descended to the ground.
Samuel was feeling strangely exuberant. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geneaology class. His collarbone was still getting moldy, but he got out of the Buick Riviera and tumbled automatically toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a tall creature emerged. It was polka dotted-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a coat check ticket. It had six jade eyes in its tooth. "Gygefito whanidulim ipynoon, doyojit by tybryke, nubymooc wooghooc," the creature said.
"Godspeed," Samuel said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Shred twig hacksaw peat moss garlic press wail to savanna," the thing shouted.
"Bilge. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kimigine balloon wremijytuk."
"Why don't you take your balloon and shove it in your aorta?" Samuel retorted.
The creature looked conscientious. "Mekazoka braboobynul ukucyd, tyvegen," it snarled. "Giflijyp!" it continued.
"Your face is a giflijyp!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, relaxed creature; he was feeling unusually tired. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or system administrator. If he had been carrying a wooden stake, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Popp will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and dressed up. Then it rose up on its automatic legs, puffed out its adrenal gland and swaggered hopefully toward him.
For the first time, Samuel had the urge to run, but his heart was calcifying and his legs refused to move.
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