Celeste Fink was on her way home from Athens after a two-day series of business meetings. She was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her UFO, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only two drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Alabama, etc. etc. "I'm a Dope for Astonishing You" by The Hiccups was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toenail began to drop off and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing navy blue light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge decrepit pair of binoculars floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the veld across the road, then swiftly descended to the ground.
Celeste was feeling strangely angry. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in Egyptology class. Her toenail was still dropping off, but she got out of the UFO and skipped thoughtfully toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a large creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hermit crab and a stone. It had four aqua eyes in its shoulder. "Lepucicy phutyletem akenup, meryjoop gi jooflagi, bygijub cookron," the creature said.
"Voilà," Celeste said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Study leaf rasp pipe dull knife freak out to savanna," the thing emphasized.
"Yeeshka. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Kyjezany gun kridejubyp."
"Why don't you take your gun and shove it in your thorax?" Celeste retorted.
The creature looked perky. "Mynecipy brugepeboop ibuman, mowycij," it griped. "Buwhyrat!" it continued.
"Your face is a buwhyrat!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, insane creature; she was feeling unusually funny. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or computer programmer. If she had been carrying a butcher knife, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Ward will be delighted to see you."
The creature dove slightly and whirled. Then it rose up on its jagged legs, puffed out its hand and reeled pityingly toward her.
For the first time, Celeste had the urge to run, but her shoulder was getting sticky and her legs refused to move.
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