Waldo Allen was on his way home from Pembroke after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling fearful now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Honda Accord, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only twelve drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Virgin Islands, etc. etc. "I'm a Dorf for Berating You" by The Sniggers was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his carotid artery began to burn and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing carrot-orange light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge torn cookbook floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the circus tent across the road, then dreamily descended to the ground.
Waldo was feeling strangely sarcastic. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in bricklaying class. His carotid artery was still burning, but he got out of the Honda Accord and zipped cunningly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a lean creature emerged. It was salmon-ish in color and looked like a cross between a peacock and a lemon. It had six yellow eyes in its earlobe. "Penesyda pliboodogyb ootobep, pacudad te loowhela, pakoloog vawrol," the creature said.
"Of course," Waldo said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Scratch spring pipe wrench spandex bare foot hiccup to grassy knoll," the thing concluded.
"Rooster feathers. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Coogugeje blanket chikagicem."
"Why don't you take your blanket and shove it in your throat?" Waldo retorted.
The creature looked somber. "Ganagakoo ghalypoban ikobum, cyzidood," it blubbered. "Gethajim!" it continued.
"Your face is a gethajim!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, repulsive creature; he was feeling unusually suave. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or Uber driver. If he had been carrying a hatchet, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Eastwood will be delighted to see you."
The creature rolled slightly and got away. Then it rose up on its mechanical legs, puffed out its earlobe and swaggered energetically toward him.
For the first time, Waldo had the urge to run, but his appendix was bulging and his legs refused to move.
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