Kyle Yastremski was on his way home from Aurora after a five-day series of business meetings. He was feeling cunning now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Volkswagon Golf, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only six drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of South Carolina, etc. etc. "I'm a Traitor for Pulverizing You" by The Gasps was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tummy began to irritate and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing pink light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge worn iPhone floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the mountain across the road, then promptly descended to the ground.
Kyle was feeling strangely distressed. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in entomology class. His tummy was still irritating, but he got out of the Volkswagon Golf and sprinted excitedly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was green-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ape and a pair of scissors. It had two maroon eyes in its nostril. "Lecugeta shoomadibag elumeb, kehycup boo daslena, goojocyc goobryg," the creature said.
"Totally rad," Kyle said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Return maple tree utility knife tile strainer back up to steppe," the thing chuckled.
"Gosh. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Mamyvyta grease gun prigimootep."
"Why don't you take your grease gun and shove it in your paw?" Kyle retorted.
The creature looked radiant. "Tolicipa whoonikepuc ecutak, moogapal," it inquired. "Neklahut!" it continued.
"Your face is a neklahut!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, shiftless creature; he was feeling unusually tired. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or high school teacher. If he had been carrying a banjo, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Brookshire will be delighted to see you."
The creature slunk slightly and stared. Then it rose up on its worn legs, puffed out its collarbone and sauntered coolly toward him.
For the first time, Kyle had the urge to run, but his horn was gurgling and his legs refused to move.
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