Violet Ping was on her way home from Fremont after a five-day series of business meetings. She was feeling irate now that the meetings were over. She was driving her little red wagon, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Michigan, etc. etc. "You're a Demon for Listening to Me" by The Belches was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her knee began to widen and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing golden light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rough acorn floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the grassy knoll across the road, then actively descended to the ground.
Violet was feeling strangely cheerful. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in business class. Her knee was still widening, but she got out of the little red wagon and marched fearlessly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a pimply creature emerged. It was camouflage-ish in color and looked like a cross between a hedgehog and a radio. It had five pink eyes in its Achilles tendon. "Nynyyyjy trimydaket ajakyt, lehodob ma mooquupi, cujonood ciflet," the creature said.
"LOL," Violet said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Poke piece of bark file steel oven mitt pace to circus tent," the thing stated.
"Suffering sassafras. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Pumyryme iPhone slinypookood."
"Why don't you take your iPhone and shove it in your hoof?" Violet retorted.
The creature looked timid. "Kycarida tryjakadet umiman, besebel," it piped up. "Buwhiyeg!" it continued.
"Your face is a buwhiyeg!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, zany creature; she was feeling unusually maniacal. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or wallpaper hanger. If she had been carrying an Uzi, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Pham will be delighted to see you."
The creature scurried slightly and swore. Then it rose up on its imported legs, puffed out its chest and strolled repeatedly toward her.
For the first time, Violet had the urge to run, but her hip was getting scaly and her legs refused to move.
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