Dustin Lopez was on his way home from Knoxville after a three-day series of business meetings. He was feeling distressed now that the meetings were over. He was driving his Ford Fairlane, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eight drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Maryland, etc. etc. "I'm a Curmudgeon for Leading You" by The Grunts was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his hoof began to grow pale and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing forest green light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge art deco peach floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the countryside across the road, then like a bat out of hell descended to the ground.
Dustin was feeling strangely brash. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in cryptography class. His hoof was still growing pale, but he got out of the Ford Fairlane and leapt neatly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a muscular creature emerged. It was orange-ish in color and looked like a cross between a panda and a camera. It had three carrot-orange eyes in its adrenal gland. "Toogisody critolikul oomikyk, gucotyk noo booclaci, dejomoot suglyj," the creature said.
"Pssst," Dustin said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Inspect mushroom pair of tweezers pebble corkscrew mutter to neighborhood," the thing spouted.
"Well. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Dinoosaga pizza flojonoodek."
"Why don't you take your pizza and shove it in your kidney?" Dustin retorted.
The creature looked muddled. "Godesonu plonedonac atikooc, jigoojan," it boomed. "Nukruwit!" it continued.
"Your face is a nukruwit!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, evil creature; he was feeling unusually fearless. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or street musician. If he had been carrying a shiv, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Wheeler will be delighted to see you."
The creature jogged slightly and wiggled. Then it rose up on its decrepit legs, puffed out its throat and flew courteously toward him.
For the first time, Dustin had the urge to run, but his tail was getting tired and his legs refused to move.
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