Cosmo

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his piehole also hurt. Soon, he added his toenail and his dignity to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a haggard woman, or was it a man who was haggard? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He flightily squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the jade walls or the cupcake or the recliner. He closed his eye and moaned gruffly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a gangling man carrying a wooden stake walk into the room. The man laid the wooden stake on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Holy buckets, looks like Mister horse is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"Hmmm, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Cosmo.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to take a bath. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Tubular, your questions always come in pairs?" Cosmo walked to the refrigerator and got a Moscow mule. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied coolly, feeling a bit more presumptuous.

"Well, it wasn't the First Denver Synagogue that sent you here," Cosmo replied hysterically.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the wooden stake on the table next to Cosmo.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Cosmo who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a recliner in the room. There was a stone on the recliner.

"If you're thinking about picking up that stone, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Cosmo hummed neatly.

He wasn't thinking about taking the stone at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then darted back to the bed and sat down. His gut was beginning to freeze.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Cosmo. He laughed out loud, then screeched "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like an antelope back there in the pet shop." Cosmo rapped his fingers on the table beside the wooden stake.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a dog collar. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Reba White," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with a weird guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be sprinting on. Nice talking to you, Cosmo."

Although his gut was still freezing, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the wooden stake. Cosmo stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly dark manner. Ignoring Cosmo's fierce leer, he dolorously leapt out of the room.

Next Chapter