Newt

His head was muddled and it was dark. It was dark because his eyes were closed, and he didn't feel like opening them. His head hurt. He considered that briefly, then became aware that his palm also hurt. Soon, he added his beard and his tummy to the list, and thought it might be more productive to make a list of what didn't hurt. No, that produced nothing.

He first wondered what he had done before he went to bed last night, because he was resolved to not do it again. He tried to stop thinking about anything, because it hurt to think.

Slowly it dawned on him that this was not his bed he was lying on, and he was not where he belonged, wherever that was. He thought there had been a crazy woman, or was it a man who was crazy? Anyway, he had some recollection of looking for something in the city. He reluctantly squinted through one eye. Nothing he saw made sense; not the silver walls or the urn or the couch. He closed his eye and moaned peevishly.

Just then, he heard the door open. He reopened his eye to see a dapper man carrying a snowball walk into the room. The man laid the snowball on the small table beside the door and peered at him. "Too much, looks like Mister She-wolf is coming back to life."

He suppressed another moan and asked, "Where am I? And who are you?"

"@#%#^@%$@!, two questions at once. Sorry, you're over your limit. I'll answer one. You can call me Newt.

That was all he wanted to try to absorb at the moment anyway, so he closed his eye again and tried to snore. He immediately opened both eyes and asked, "What am I here for? Can I have something to drink?"

"Uh-huh, your questions always come in pairs?" Newt walked to the refrigerator and got a shot of whiskey. "Maybe this will put a little life in you. How are you feeling after your accident?"

"What accident?" he replied sweetly, feeling a bit more cuddly.

"Well, it wasn't the Navy that sent you here," Newt replied diligently.

"And this doesn't look like a hospital. By the way, where's the bathroom? Who are you working for?" He did need the bathroom, but he also wanted to scope the place out a bit. He wasn't forgetting the snowball on the table next to Newt.

"There you go again. That's two questions. The bathroom's over there," he said, gesturing with his head.

Sitting up slowly and gingerly, he looked around the room. The bathroom door was to his left. The other door was in front of him, beside Newt who had sat in a chair next to the small table. There were no windows, and just the bed, the table, the refrigerator, and a couch in the room. There was a bird cage on the couch.

"If you're thinking about picking up that bird cage, just be aware that it's exclusively for my use," Newt guessed suavely.

He wasn't thinking about taking the bird cage at the moment. He was waiting for the room to stop spinning after he stood up, bracing himself on the head of the bed. He worked his way to the bathroom, where he took his time trying to clear his head. He splashed some water on his face, then slithered back to the bed and sat down. His artery was beginning to rise.

"If it's not too much trouble, how about you call me a cab now?"

This seemed to genuinely amuse Newt. He laughed out loud, then began "You won't be needing a cab to get where you're going."

Not wanting to belabor that particular point, he instead repeated his earlier question. "Who are you working for?"

"So let's you tell me who you're working for, and why you were snooping around like a shrew back there in the health food store." Newt rapped his fingers on the table beside the snowball.

"I was looking for my friend. Who hit me?"

"You tripped on a basket. You took a bad fall. Who is this friend you were looking for?"

"Beelzebub Prescott," he lied. "Who do you work for, and why are you keeping me here?"

"Nobody's keeping you here. That would be way too much trouble. Who wants to deal with an exuberant guest? We just wanted to chat while we help you get back on your feet."

"Okay, we chatted and I'm on my feet," (barely, he thought to himself), "so I'll just be tiptoeing on. Nice talking to you, Newt."

Although his artery was still rising, he started moving toward the door, his eyes on the snowball. Newt stood up and opened the door for him in an oddly frantic manner. Ignoring Newt's menacing leer, he reluctantly dashed out of the room.

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