Lincoln resident Wanda Dietrich again (see Tattler 2007) fell victim to a scam when she enrolled in what she thought was a weekend getaway at an exclusive spa. She apparently became beguiled into posing for nude, topless photos of her chest, which the team of photographers promised would reveal the "inner woman." When one of the staff members reported that she had a 'constellation of clots' in her lungs she beamed excitedly, "Did you hear that? A constellation. I'm a MEGASTAR!" The bills that arrived later indicated that the spa was indeed treating Dietrich as a star in terms of her presumed financial means. It is true that she received an enormous amount of attention from the many people on staff at the high-tech resort, but sadly, no Hollywood agents came calling, and reality finally began to sink in. Instead of massage, aromatherapy, and gourmet food, the modi operandi at this establishment included drugs, bloodletting and flavorless food, all the while keeping her in bed and insisting that she "take it easy." The spa staff finally allowed her to leave at the end of the long weekend, on the bizarre condition that she must take regular doses of a substance that has been determined to be rat poison, "to thin your blood." One would think that the couple might have learned something about scams by now, but it happened in 2007 and 2008, and the odds are that there will be yet another shameful episode to grace the pages of Tattler 2009.
Long the subject of ridicule for preferring to cook on wood stoves, for hanging her laundry to dry, and for refusing to listen to music or to view art created less than a hundred years ago, Wanda Dietrich again demonstrated that she was born in the wrong century by insisting upon taking a train from Lincoln to Syracuse, NY. The ancient mode of transportation included such anachronistic activities as getting directly on without emptying pockets and removing shoes, being served by pleasant, helpful staff, food served at tables with metal cutlery, seats large enough to stretch out in, and beds for the night. Larry Dietrich, while enjoying the ride, seemed to think something was wrong. "If it's possible to travel this way, why isn't everyone doing it?" he was overheard asking his wife. The trip homeward to Lincoln utilized a more conventional rented SUV containing several tons of daughter Sallie's dorm room contents.
Welcome back, dear deluded reader. You have done it again, and opened the archetype of lurid yellow journalism, the annual compendium of scandal, exaggeration, corruption, lies, and nonsense that continually follow the ever-newsworthy Dietrich family. Although the children have grown and their contributions to the pot are diminishing, the parents seem to be compensating by becoming more and more reckless and ridiculous in their behavior. This is, of course, good for the Tattler, if not for the community. For you, then, faithful reader, this is a test of whether your disgust and moral outrage at what you are reading will overcome the shock value and your morbid curiosity. This publication's goal is to entice you to read further. Whatever the outcome, we wish you all the best in your yearly struggle to deal with this hokum. Once again, then, we are pleased to present
Ultra-naïve Lincoln resident Larry Dietrich spent a week in Las Vegas, Nevada in September, where he quickly found himself out of his depth. He was sent there at the behest of his employer, LI-COR Biosciences, who apparently did not realize the ramifications of sending an innocent midwestern boy to the "city of sin" without a chaperone. Even wife Wanda did not accompany him; reportedly saying only, "If you get thrown in jail, don't expect me to bail you out." He did send messages home regularly, such as, "The computers here are awesome. There are rooms full of hundreds of them, and they have lots of lights and colors and numbers. I want to try them all, but you have to put money in to make them work." and, "Everyone here seems to want to play games, but when I brought out my deck and tried to start a game of Old Maid or Go Fish, some big men made me go away." The Tattler hesitates to speculate on what else Dietrich may have learned.
After their youngest daughter was finally persuaded to leave home, Wanda and Larry Dietrich needed the entire year of 2007 to recuperate from the child-raising process. In the year 2008, however, the supposedly adult Dietrichs have embarked on a futile chase after both their lost youth and the romance they had once felt. They have been sighted at hockey games with beer cups in hand, at baseball games in other cities and at a romantic play. The desperate couple has even gone so far as to take up ballroom dance, with the suggestive Tango being one of their favorites. "I'm worried. They're not spring chickens by any means, and look how they are acting," Elizabeth Dietrich, the elder daughter groused to this reporter.
Welcome to the online edition of The Tattler. Your online Tattler experience can be even more appalling than the paper edition, due to your ability to find expanded coverage of the topics, more pictures, and plenty of evidence to refute claims made herein, courtesy of the World Wide Web.
Not only that, you can also satiate your masochistic tendencies by opening previous editions of The Tattler. And if this is not bad enough, you can immerse yourself in more pictures than you can shake a stick at by visiting the complete Dietrich website at http://lincolndietrichs.org.
On the other hand, some readers find the paper edition more satisfying, due to its improved interaction with a match.
If you are not yet on the list to receive the paper edition, you can now remedy the situation (assuming we aren't too cheap to spring for a stamp for you) by clicking this link.
By the way, you aren't finished. There's a whole 'nother page!