Couple Victims of Cruise Scam

Iowa, USA

Lincoln couple Wanda and Larry Dietrich, in celebration of their umpteenth aniversary, signed up for a week-long "luxury cruise," sponsored by a company in Des Moines, Iowa. Lured by promises of "plenty of sunshine, fresh air, companionship, food and drink, and recreation," and probably victims of their own cheapness, Dietrichs "got on board" one of the most remarkable scams of the year. Perhaps their suspicions should have been aroused when they were informed that the "cruise" was to depart from Rock Rapids, Iowa rather than from Miami, but they gamely complied with the instructions until they were too deeply involved to back out.

The shocking realization that this was no ordinary cruise came when they were told that they would be assembling their own two-wheeled vehicles and providing the motive power to travel 480 miles across the entire state of Iowa. The "week at sea" turned out to be in a sea of corn.

The hapless Dietrichs, in an effort to make the best of the situation, or perhaps to reduce their embarrasment, claimed that the "vacation" was better than any real cruise line could have provided. "It was a spiritual journey, a pilgrimage, following in the tire tracks of our great leader Lance Armstrong," rationalized Larry. "Yeah, and that beer sure filled my spiritual void at the end of the day," added Wanda.

When asked to comment on her parents' absence, daughter Sallie responded, "It wasn't really a big deal. I didn't think it was worth filing a missing persons report. They go out searching for the 'meaning of life' a lot. They showed up a week later in our living room all dressed in skimpy tye-dye bandannas or something. Maybe t-shirts, I couldn't tell. But they sure had a new glow about them.

There are unconfirmed rumors that Wanda Dietrich returned with two tattoos: on her right leg, a very large black bicycle, and in an undisclosed location, Lance Armstrong's signature.

Byway Burnout

Billings, Bozeman, or Butte, Montana

Wanda Dietrich, after having driven a jillion miles westward on Interstate 90, experienced a peculiar disorder on arrival in some town in Montana that begins with a B. "This is far enough, this looks like a nice town, there's a house for sale, I'm going to buy it and live here." Daughter Elizabeth had to remind her that she had promised to help her and Stephen with the move to Seattle, and it just wouldn't do to stop here after having come so far. The woman remained unmoved until Elizabeth pointed out that she had only one week's worth of laundry and tea with her. Wanda then reluctantly consented to resume the journey.

How to Plan a Party

Hermosa, South Dakota

Wanda Dietrich, ever the gracious hostess, invited herself and more than a dozen relatives to spend Thanksgiving at her sister-in-law's new home in Hermosa, South Dakota. She then informed the sister-in-law, Toni Ruzanski, about the gathering.

The resultant crowd, numbering seventeen, devoured two turkeys as well as mountains of other treats. The mob also made time for sightseeing, taking in Mount Rushmore, Keystone, South Dakota, and spectacular wildlife sightings. "How did all this happen?" gasped exhausted Toni, as she filled the dishwasher yet again.

The Debauchery continues

La Junta and Westcliffe, Colorado

Christmas 2007 finds the unbridled Dietrich clan in the towns of La Junta and Westcliffe, Colorado, presumably for yet another week of riotous behavior with hoards of kin. If you are in the neighborhood and have a strong constitution, please stop in and join the festivities!

Keep those cards and letters coming! They are much appreciated, and are displayed in a place of honor, to prove that this publication has readers outside its own doors.

We hope all is well with you, and you remain in our hearts and thoughts throughout the year.

The Dietrichs wish to send all their best wishes for a joyous holiday season and a peaceful and prosperous new year!