The

Tattler

2018

New York Lures Dietrichs with Scenery, Wine, and Yet Another Race

Dietrichs Find Another Winery

How could an event named the Wineglass Marathon go unnoticed by runner Larry Dietrich?

Unsurprisingly, when he mentioned it to his chief race cowbellist Wanda, she enthusiastically shouted, “Let’s do it!” Train tickets were booked,and in October they were off to the wilds of upstate New York for Marathon Number Twelve. It was Dietrichs Find Another Winery evidently quite successful for the Super Grandmaster Old Fart runner. “What’s not to like?” he was heard to ask as he staggered past yet another winery on the route.

Wanda, in addition to playing spectator and raising a glorious racket with her “instrument”, made sure that the couple visited the some of the area’s attractions like the Corning Glass museum, the Rockwell museum, the Curtiss Aviation Museum and Watkins Glen. They even had a nautical experience on Seneca Lake. The most grueling part of the trip was hand-carrying their case of wine home with them on the train, since alcohol could not be checked through.

“I’d call the trip a success,” hiccupped Larry as he rubbed his tired hands. “Most certainly,” agreed Wanda. “We managed to get all our wine home.”

New Hideaway Purchased

Finally realizing that they had become grownups, millennials Elizabeth Dietrich and Stephen Crimmins decided that the time had finally come to accept responsibility for the needs of the unruly Dietrichs, so they bought a home to serve as a hideout in Fort Collins, Colorado. It wasn’t long until their Nebraska and Chicago-based relatives descended on the house, attracted like flies to honey. The honey, in this case, being Thanksgiving dinner.

“I asked for this, I guess,” a frazzled Elizabeth said as she slumped against her new kitchen island. “At least with all of us here, we can keep an eye on each other.”

Son in Law Destroys House for Christmas

Looking for a break from the challenges of his job at the software firm he purportedly works for, rap- scallion Phillip Rapp grabbed his tools and began to release his pent-up frustrations by tearing apart his in-law’s house. “This new management position I got this year is work!” he grumbled. “Also, Sallie won’t let me tear apart our own house the way I’d like to.”

Getting right to his task, he ripped down curtains, moved furniture, filled every room with boxes of stuff, and started hacking at chipped paint on the walls. Then, filling the house with paint fumes that did not resemble Mountain Air, he made all the walls a uniform color. “I’m having a hard time getting used to walls without all the holes, chips, and spots!” groused Larry. “Also, I’m not too keen on sleeping with this string bass in my bed.”

Wanda, on the other hand, confided in this reporter, ”I kind of like it. When Phil is doing his thing, my lack of housekeeping doesn’t show!”

“Merry Christmas,” intoned Phil gleefully, as plaster continued to fall about him.

Dogs Continue Training Their People

Ash is proud to announce that he has achieved his Canine Good Citizen certification. “It wasn’t easy. During the test Wanda turned right instead of left,” he explained. “It’s a good thing I’m so cute, because we passed the test anyway. Wanda could use more training, though.”

Sage spent the summer recuperating from knee surgery, brought about by a nefarious squirrel. “Actually, I saw how much attention Wanda got when she had her knee surgeries that I decided to give it a try’” the needy canine said. “It was worth it, I certainly did get a lot of pets and sympathy.”

Both dogs then turned to this reporter and demanded treats for being such good and forthcoming doggies.

Dietrich Relatives Make Last Stand in Custer

Sisters Sally and Susan Dietrich conspired with their Aunt Dot and cousins Mary, Kass, and Jim, to stage an intervention for Larry Dietrich, in an alas, futile attempt to civilize him. Hoping that removing him from his native digs and separating him from his wife/enabler Wanda might temper his wilder tendencies, they brought him to Dot’s home town of Custer, South Dakota.

They dined with him, took him on excursions to parks and museums, and shared family stories and photos. Alas, not even the loving ministrations of this crack team of relatives failed to fix him. “I fear he’s irredeemable,” cousin Kass was heard to sigh.

Sallie Makes Tremendous Leap To New Job 100 Yards Away From Old

When ever-attentive parents, Wanda and Larry Dietrich were approached by this reporter to comment on Sallie’s job move of 100 yards from her old job with the State of Nebraska, they expressed surprise. “Oh, she has a new job?” asked Larry, between races. “I sure hope it pays well.” An unnamed source informed our intrepid reporters uncovered a lead indicating that Sallie Dietrich is now working at the Nebraska Public Service Commission, but were unable to confirm it due to the Dietrichs’ obliviousness. When questioned, Sallie merely grinned and said “Service is my middle name!”

Was Wanda Fiddling Around?

Bumbling Bassist Wanda Dietrich was seen by her husband Larry hauling her massively unwieldy instrument to a nearby high school evening after evening. When he asked her what in the world she was up to, she responded, “To Life!” Puzzled, Larry asked her how long she would be gone. “Sunrise, Sunset,” was Wanda’s tuneful response. The husband seemed very dubious about the whole affair. “Do you Love Me?” Wanda continued. “You can come see me on Friday evening.” Friday finally arrived, and, Wonder of Wonder, Miracle of Miracles, Wanda was observed to be providing the foundation notes in an orchestra for the Pius X High School production of Fiddler on the Roof.

Snowbirds Head North

Failing to grasp the “snowbird” concept, clueless and cheap Nebraskans Larry and Wanda Dietrich booked a remarkably affordable B&B vacation in February in Vermillion, South Dakota. Truth to tell, they were equally drawn by the promise of a winery associated with the B&B. This comes as no surprise to faithful Tattler readers, of course. “Thththiss, is ggreatt!” chattered the ever-buoyant Dietrich, her words cracking like icicles in the frigid northern air. “Yyou bbett!” responded her husband. “I wwonder why this place isn’t ppacked with tourists? Say, while we’re here, mmaybe we should chcheck out the National Music Museum. It’s reported to be a wworld-class operation!”

The Indoctrination Begins

Wanda and Larry Dietrich, observing that their two year old granddaughter Elliott Rapp had achieved the two year old milestone, announced that pookiness training must now begin in earnest for the child. They have insisted on spending numerous evenings and weekends with the active and loquacious child. They are happy to report that the child shows great promise in furthering their questionable and clearly ridiculous ambitions. “We must ensure that the fine traditions of our family are carried forth in future generations!”

Meet Elliott, Age 2

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