Yak Balls A Surprise Hit at Ruzanski Family Gathering

2011 marked the One-Hundredth Anniversary of the Walker Ranch in Westcliffe, Colorado. Wanda Dietrich, great-granddaughter of the original homesteaders of the ranch, joined the Dietrichs, Ruzanskis, and some Normal People from the far corners of the continent last July to celebrate the occasion.

During the the pre-celebration planning meeting, first order of business was how they were going to feed 300 hungry guests. Scott Ruzanski, brother of Wanda Dietrich, shouted excitedly, “We can feed them yak balls!” Observing strict Ruzanski's Rules of Order, attendees immediately began hurling handy objects at the hapless Scott as he ducked and shouted, “No, really, the neighbor just gave me all this yak meat!“ Sure enough, after the flak had settled, Scott was able to bring forth the large quantity of yak meat that he had obtained. Thus it was that people from all over the Wet Mountain Valley found themselves eating spaghetti and yak balls. It was not clear that all takers knew what they were eating, but the chef received many compliments on the delicious offerings.

Bicycle guides woman's career choice

Wanda Dietrich, Lincoln bicycle fanatic, recently revealed her priorities when she was replaced by a computer at her previous job and began a new job search. “My qualifications are awesome for any job, so it's a matter choosing the ideal cycling commute, not what goes on once I get there,” Dietrich explained. She then did a thorough topographical study of the city, plotting out distances and elevations for streets and trails leading in all directions from her home. “Five miles is about perfect, and there's a sweet new bike in the store that would handle that climb very nicely,” she cajoled, in conversation with husband Larry. She is now employed at Homestead Rehabilitation Center, but more importantly, she is riding a shiny new Electra mixte bicycle each day.

Where There Is Beer, Dietrichs are There

Irresistibly attracted by a poster promising polka and plenty of beer, the well-known drinkers Wanda and Larry Dietrich and a crowd of other beer-swilling polka enthusiasts boarded a bus to the exotic vacation mecca of Milligan, Nebraska, for the annual Nebraska Beer Fest. It wasn't long until even the brewers felt obliged to limit the Dietrichs' antics as they were observed to consume the many beer samples and monopolize the dance floor. Remarkably, no arrests were made, although the group did make a second stop to attempt karaoke in Seward, Nebraska. No further information is to be had on this excursion, due to excessive beer stains on this reporter's notes. All extant photos of the event are strangely blurry, and cannot be published.

The Running Continues Unabated

Demonstrating as usual a good deal more ambition than sense, Lincoln resident Larry Dietrich continues to express his new addiction to the “sport” of running in baffling ways. He was evidently somewhat self-conscious about it, because he showed up at Nebraska's Strategic Air and Space Museum and ran his first race of the year disguised as a giant leprechaun. Although the shamrock green top hat and the polka-dotted green bow tie and the weird orange gloves on his feet were as bizarre as anyone could imagine, they only led observers to surmise that it was in fact, Dietrich. His daughter Sallie followed behind, attempting to keep him out of trouble.

Later, in May of the same year, Dietrich abandoned the disguise and took off running for several hours, ultimately covering twenty-six miles, and ending up approximately where he began. Let it be stated that Dietrich was not alone in his mad obsession, as it was reported that ten thousand other lunatics were doing the same thing on the streets of Lincoln.

The obsession begins to take on dangerous proportions, though, because in October, Dietrich persuaded seven of his coworkers to join him in a pointless, seventy-eight mile run from Omaha to Lincoln. Again attempting to achieve a degree of anonymity, the entire group dressed in lab coats and thick glasses, which actually had the opposite effect, transforming them from mere geeks to über-geeks. They could be spotted from a mile away. After a full day of running, the entire group arrived in Lincoln, appearing to be quite proud of themselves.

Reports from Minneapolis indicate that daughter Sallie has also succumbed to the family madness, as she ran over thirteen miles for no good reason this October, without even bothering to conceal her identity. Her prospects remain slightly better than Larry's, however; she doesn't seem to be particularly good at it yet. “It's hard to follow someone around a course when they keep getting slower. I mean, she was the only one in her group not wearing a fifty pound Angry Birds costume,” reported Phil Rapp, who purportedly went to watch, but seemed to have spent most of his time in a warm coffee shop that morning.

The Tattler caught an opportunity to ask Dietrich why he runs so much. “It's so I can run more,” Dietrich responded as he galumphed by. Wife Wanda sighed, “It's cheaper than a gambling habit. I think.”

Tattler's cosmology staff theorizes that the accelerated expansion of the universe is responsible for the overwhelming speed with which the year 2011 has zipped by. In retrospect, a lot of goodness was packed into the year. The Tattler hopes that your year 2011, Dear Reader, was equally rewarding and enjoyable. We send all our best wishes for the New Year.