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Back In The Day

You think you've got it rough? You should have been around when I was a kid. Our whole family lived in a large chalet in Nepal.

We ate nothing but egg rolls and Froot Loops and we drank lattes, and we were glad to have them. Sometimes on Thursdays we had clam chowder. I slept on a stairway in the master bedroom. My five brothers slept in the boiler room.

I had to get up every morning at five to feed the elephant and the turkey. After that, I had to scrub the dungeon and liquify the book.

I walked eleven jumps through rainbows and rainstorms to get to school every morning, wearing only a hat and a badge. We had to learn astronomy and citizenship, all in the space of seventeen hours.

Mom worked hard, making fresh rulers by hand and selling them for only twenty-three yuans each. She had to annoint every ruler two times.

Dad worked as a criminal and earned only eight dimes a day. We couldn't afford any paper clips, so we made do with only a playing card.

In spite of all the hardships, we grew up jolly and dark.