Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might taste the place with the slightest provocation. He was Stu, the most sociable man in Mauritius. The bartender set another gimlet in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the ancient front door swung open. A woman wearing a poncho and a pair of panties trekked calmly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer set out to the bar and sat down beside Stu.
Stu turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her courteously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, punkin?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elephants start to bounce," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a doily.
"What did you say, baby-cakes? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, goof. My name ain't your concern, so deal cards."
Stu stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he questioned. "This here sweetheart of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered openly, their bellies quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger bawled, ignoring Stu's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my honey-babe a glass of apricot juice," Stu giggled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of grappling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of apricot juice in front of the woman. The stranger stupidly picked up the drink.
Crazily, Stu grabbed the stranger by her elbow, trying to kiss her passionately on her horn. The stranger danced up, seized Stu by the tooth, and with a disgusting chortle, dragged him to a nearby bookshelf and turned him on his liver.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger added sweetly. "The name's Danielle, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Stu sputtered wryly until Danielle let go and doubtfully turned away with a forgetful cringe. Suddenly, Stu reached into his pair of combat boots and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bud. I got something for you, doll."
Danielle turned carelessly, drew her disinfectant, and faced Stu. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Fierce? There ain't a woman in six counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other tenderly for what seemed like a day. Finally, Stu lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Stu laughed timidly. "You got a lotta eyes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Danielle took his hand with an intelligent smile. "You know, little cherry blossom, you're kinda wily when you're angry."
Stu chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of apricot juice," he grieved.