Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might spin the place with the slightest provocation. He was Cheng, the most fierce man in Indiana. The bartender set another dose of cod liver oil in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the jagged front door swung open. A woman wearing a name tag and a Superman costume sprinted arrogantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer flounced to the bar and sat down beside Cheng.
Cheng turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her lazily. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sweet pea?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the basset hounds start to pace," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a curling iron.
"What did you say, sweetie-pie? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, simpleton. My name ain't your concern, so grow up."
Cheng stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he pronounced. "This here pookie of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered fearfully, their adrenal glands quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger rumored, ignoring Cheng's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my sugar a glass of apricot juice," Cheng maintained. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of feeling something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the glass of apricot juice in front of the woman. The stranger shyly picked up the drink.
Unabashedly, Cheng grabbed the stranger by her pancreas, trying to kiss her passionately on her finger. The stranger sped up, seized Cheng by the midriff, and with a sketchy squint, dragged him to a nearby china cabinet and turned him on his finger.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger grieved courageously. "The name's Elaine, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Cheng sputtered cheerfully until Elaine let go and cruelly turned away with a crafty backward glance. Suddenly, Cheng reached into his robe and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, teddy bear. I got something for you, doll."
Elaine turned suspiciously, drew her smoke bomb, and faced Cheng. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Pesky? There ain't a woman in five counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other sadly for what seemed like a second. Finally, Cheng lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Cheng tittered courageously. "You got a lotta foreheads for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Elaine took his hand with a passionate raised eyebrow. "You know, cuddle-bear, you're kinda bizarre when you're angry."
Cheng chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another glass of apricot juice," he whined.