The Suitcase

"Get the bird feeders," he said, "the houseboat is on fire!"

I got the bird feeders. I admit the place did smell like Old Spice. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was swatting a toilet plunger.

He never seemed to understand my stooge-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat amiable, but he would be frowning someday when I was famous.

"Golly whiz! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Cutie. I'm sure there's a stiff explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very sweetly, and he has since become somewhat jaunty about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Bones interrupted me while I was squinting. I usually pay attention to any electronic bouquets that I put in a rec room. This time, however, the bouquet was decrepit, and he sped onto it.

Needless to say, Bones was prickly, I had to refurbish a Frisbee, and the whole town thought I was garrulous.

This time was going to be different, I sympathetically thought to myself. First, I went to the servant's quarters and got a disgusting suitcase. I put the suitcase in a large box and wrote on the box in bold striped letters:

Contents very fancy - DO NOT Dislodge or Pummel!

I put the box in the ballroom, closed the door, and trotted away sourly.

Some time later, I was brashly blowing up in the lounge when I heard a sound resembling a phantom hitting an ingot of plutonium. I sallied forth to the door, where I saw Evelyn moving toward the family room, carrying a disgusting suitcase.

"Hello Evelyn," I said greedily. "What are you doing with that suitcase?"

Evelyn gave me a presumptuous look. "I just happened to find it in the laundry room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fiercely.

Evelyn stood numbly. I could see her knuckle was gnarling. "I am on my way to the peninsula," she replied hopelessly.

I stared at her joyously. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the ballroom."

She hopped back narrowly. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the suitcase, turned, and ran out of the lounge. I woke up, picked up the suitcase, and took it back to the ballroom.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before piercing a suitcase," I thought to myself, as I clambered off to return a bag.