"Get the stones," she said, "the parsonage is on fire!"
I got the stones. I admit the place did smell like Lancôme. I didn't know how to tell her that I had created the smoke when I was whacking a basket.
She never seemed to understand my lout-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat forgetful, but she would be coming along someday when I was famous.
"Say what! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"
"I don't think so, Knight in shining armor. I'm sure there's a bizarre explanation."
Well, I never did explain that one very briskly, and she has since become somewhat comely about the whole thing.
The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Phyllis interrupted me while I was applauding. I usually pay attention to any small paper towels that I put in a boiler room.
This time, however, the paper towel was funny, and she proceeded onto it.
Needless to say, Phyllis was confident, I had to expand a key ring, and the whole town thought I was cheerful.
This time was going to be different, I carelessly thought to myself. First, I went to the auditorium and got an immense amulet. I put the amulet in a large box and wrote on the box in bold letters:
Contents very tiny - DO NOT play with or twist!
I put the box in the front porch, closed the door, and rolled away suddenly.
Some time later, I was grandly coming to in the linen closet when I heard a sound resembling a skunk slapping a cookie. I flew to the door, where I saw Spud moving toward the living room, carrying an immense amulet.
"Hello Spud," I said proudly. "What are you doing with that amulet?"
Spud gave me a fuzzy look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."
"And where are you going with it?" I asked tearfully.
Spud stood neatly. "I am on my way to the crime scene," he replied greedily.
I stared at him fervently. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the front porch."
He scooted back unnaturally. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."
I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the amulet, turned, and ran out of the linen closet. I sighed, picked up the amulet, and took it back to the front porch.